Today's blog is about an important series of events that became the catalyst for my blog, 'Roaming Brit.' Ten years ago, in 2015, along with my husband Darrell, I was a victim of sustained bullying, from people who worked for one of the oldest charities in the World. This period was the most distressing and abusive time in our relationship together. Even today, I still suffer from the effects of a phase, that will forever remain a part of my psyche. I will always carry the burden of torment around with me. It was quite simply an interval, a glitch, that was responsible for a change in our circumstances, that we are still living through today, despite the memories finally fading into the background.

Bullying is something you think only occurs in childhood, but when it happens in your mid-forties, you can't believe what is actually transpiring before your very eyes. Both Darrell and I, were working alongside one another as Managers, for a large NGO on the south coast of England. Both of us thoroughly enjoyed our positions, especially working with the volunteers who worked for us. I was always taught, from an early age, to look after and protect the most vulnerable people in society. As a Manager for a charity, it was part of my remit and something I was very aware of, every day I went to work.

You can imagine my horror, when two of Darrell's paid employees, began targeting and abusing a particularly defenseless member of his volunteer team. He naturally asked me for advice. We were both in the same positions at work and as a Manager it is something we had to deal with on rare occasions. I suggested he report it as a safeguarding issue and the HR department would do the rest. I had no reason to expect anything different. Furthermore, I felt sure the organisation would do all it could to protect, the individual concerned — how wrong I was!

Not only did the charity do nothing to support Darrell or the victim, but those responsible started bullying Darrell as a result. From attacks on personal property, to homophobic abuse and attacks at work, the abuse was relentless. Darrell became ill, withdrawn, and his mental health became a source of concern. As someone who had worked for the charity longer than him, I decided to do what I could to help.

Despite doing my best to intervene, I was also dealing with a safeguarding issue at my own place of work, which was also being disregarded by my boss. Later, a former colleague also began to attack me personally, and it appeared on the surface, at least, that both of us were being singled out for protecting others.

With no support from our mutual boss, within a short space of time, we both became ill. We were advised to stay away from work, for our own health and wellbeing. Our mental health was in tatters, as we sought answers as to why nothing was being done to protect us and others. I contacted helplines and organisations who could help. I spoke with my union, ASDAW and anti bullying charities, including 'Solent Mind' based in Southampton. All of them said the same thing, we were being targeted for safeguarding others and as they dug deeper, under the surface, our sexuality was also a factor as well. I can't describe the feeling you get, when you realise you are being mistreated, for just doing the right thing. It hits you head long, like a brick in the face.

For a year we suffered, while still trying to find answers as to why we were being ignored. Despite returning to work for a brief period, in the end, just before our wedding in 2015, we both decided to pack up, sell up and leave the UK for good. Every professional organisation we talked to, said this was the right thing to do. The sociopathic nature of what we endured, would never stop until we made the decision to walk away, from the sinister nature of mistreatment we were dealing with. It took a while, but finally, after talking to family, friends and professionals, we left for a new life in Spain.

My last day at the charity was tinged with sadness, leaving the volunteers behind. We had built up a great rapport over the years, and they were a big part of my life. The Head of HR came in, to try to draw a line under this sorry chapter, and we both spoke candidly about just what had happened. She agreed the way I was treated was a disgrace, but said there wasn't much the charity could do, since its reputation was at stake. Despite knowing just how malevolent and malicious those involved had been towards us and many others, (We weren't the first) there was very little she could do. The primary person responsible was a known bully and abuser, and she had done this many times before.

​Our new life in Spain was a breath of fresh air. We had a new, strong and altruistic network of friends and colleagues and an even bigger group of Expats, who helped us begin the transition from turmoil to tranquillity. We were both as happy as we could be and loving every day again on the beautiful Costa Blanca. Smiles returned to both our faces as we finally escaped the pain we left behind.

Despite writing about my experiences as often as I could, answering emails and messages from readers who were also suffering from bullying, we both enjoyed a happy existence in Spain. I received many cries for help over the two years I was living in Gran Alacant, even from those who actually worked at the charity I once held in such high regard. These were the hardest messages to reply to, and I just gave them the advice that was given to me — Never try to beat a sociopath, you will always fail!

Personal tragedy ended our time in Spain all too quickly. While sat surrounded by packing boxes in the lounge of our villa in Puerto Marino, I received an unexpected call. The Charity Commission was investigating the charity I had worked for and wanted to hear my side of the story. I was finally given an opportunity to give mine and Darrell's side of the events that brought us to Spain; it was a vindication of everything we had gone through — finally someone was listening to us. 

I never found out the results of the enquiry. However, I finally realised that many others in the UK and further afield, had also suffered at the hands of people who had no place working with vulnerable people. I was made aware that changes would take place. Although nothing could be done to save mine and Darrell's careers, we were helping the commission compile evidence, against people who were distinctly corrupt and disturbing in nature, and for that they were truly grateful.

Since then, I haven't thought about that terrible time in 2015 too much. I do have days when the pain resurfaces, and I do suffer with severe anxiety every day, but my life is so much better now than it ever has been. In a way, the success I enjoy ten years later, is all down to the bullies who gave us such a hard time. So I suppose I should finally take the opportunity to thank them, for affording us the life we enjoy in Australia. So thank you — I hope you are also enjoying the fruits of your labour as well.

During the 30 years we have been together, neither of us have experienced blatant bullying and abuse. As I look back over our years together, it is painful to relive such painful experiences, but it was a time that made us stronger as a couple and more aware of the ugly nature of people. Not everyone in your life is good for you, and it really is up to you to kick them into the long grass and carry on living your best life. They were terribly soul-destroying months in 2015, but without them, we wouldn't be where we are today, and for that, fate gave us a second chance and a reason to exist again.

28/08/2015 

Penny, how does D go about complaining about PH. I have never seen him this bad, Something needs to be done. They may have his life in their hands. Lies, lies, lies. H's statements, lies. It has to stop! x

D has told the truth all the way along the line. It has got him no where. I can not stand by and watch him deteriorate any further. I want him to resign by the end of today. He has no choice, or I will phone his Doctor. Not having a go at u, honestly x

I would wait for the findings, then contact the board of trustees xx

30/08/2015 

I have been asked to write a piece about the events leading to my collapse. I am going to send a rough draft for you to look at. It is an emotive piece as requested. Names will be changed but can you let me know what you think. Not comprehensive, but I only have a certain amount of space!

31/08/2015 

Just read it.... An honest, truthful painful account of all of what's happened. xx
Are you going to include, Ian's broken foot, and how she demanded him to go to work? Purely on the basis it's factual info on breech of H&S and lack of compassion for a staff member? Yet another failing. xx

Not in this no, I am keeping it as simple as I can, without adding too much detail. This is more about the emotional side of it. I will send each board of Trustee a copy, when the time is right. When I discovered the Sociopath campaign that Oxfam ran in 2012, I was a little shocked to be honest. They already had the answers, in black and white. Not sure quite how to deal with things like that atm. I will in time! x

Are you still withdrawing from cascade tomorrow? J is going to meeting tomorrow. He spoke to solicitor and they said go, but he may get disciplinary. X
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I won't be using the cascade for 6 wks due to seasonal sales. X

What about long term. This charade needs to be sorted. He is emailing questions to A and will not be going to meeting. How long is thus nonsense going on for. She needs to go..x

05/09/2015

You all had to leave us to fight this didn't you. Thanks for nothing. One day u will all have regrets. I hate Oxfam for ever becoming part of my life. F**king hate the lot of u

06/09/2015 

That was not a personal slight. My partner is broken, I am broken, J is broken, my colleagues are broken. Everyone is broken over this. We are tired, ill and old. Our lives are ruined while those at the top couldn't care less. I am angry, sad and upset.
Never believe me venting is personal it isn't if I don't do it I will crack.
Sorry if I offended.
Always x

Penny's words are in light green script, mine are in dark blue!  These are online messages, sent in real time, so the grammar, punctuation, will not be perfect!  I have used single capital letters to keep the names of those involved confidential! I have also highlighted important sentences in red!​​

07/08/2015

Union man contacted me. No arguments and said we will discuss the next steps..

That's brilliant news x

Spoke to Union. He said he will approach Oxfam on Monday, explain the seriousness of the situation and say I want settlement. He is not hopeful tho. Not sure where we are now really.

Mmmm; what's their options? You will need masses of support.. Possibly a deputy to help shift some of the burden. Or you're pensioned off early? X
Don't forget, that there is "constructive dismissal" If they can't support you effectively to do your role, you wouldn't be able to continue in situ! So have faith, all is not lost yet! x

He told me not to resign and a Tribunal would be terribly difficult, if procedures are not followed correctly. I actually had a row with him, As soon as you mention what she is, everyone clams up. They know full well what she is. x

It's hard for them to "label" her, it will leave them open for all sorts of liable claims. I myself, wouldn't resign, the chances are oxfam will not have a clue on how to support you correctly. I'd tend to follow the, they didn't have correct systems in place route. Xx

Should he still approach them on Monday though? x

Mmmm it's a hard call, if he's not hopeful, why is he approaching them? Are you attending the meeting with P on Monday? X

No, I was told after the 10th. He said he has approached Oxfam before, and their reactions are not normally positive. If it is best to reach the end of the grievance process then I will tell him not too! x

Myself, I'd wait until you have your meeting with P. My reasoning behind it is, If your rep approaches prior to your meeting, he could actually cause more harm than good. P needs to have a conclusion from his investigations as to what oxfam are going to "recognise" on failings from their behalf. Once they have accepted and recognised their failings, it would be easier to reach a final conclusion for you. Hopefully that makes sense?? X

I've text him and told him to hold off! x

I would xx
Right now bugger off! I've got your blogs to catch up on! Xxxx

xxx

10/08/2015 

Just received a nice photo!

Haha this is so accurate! x

15/08/2015 

Hi Penny
Soz was writing
will message in a minute
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Hi Penny
Hope you are well?
I had a great few days, if little sleep. Was Manic for the duration, which I did actually love. Even woke up this morning feeling great. I have to do a mood diary at some stage, does S know how to do one?
As usual in my manic states, I have been doing a lot of thinking and speaking with different people. I was so surprised that my friend R, had been going through the same stuff, as us, for about the same length of time. Here's the funny bit. She is trained in psychology and was working for Hampshire County Council, employed in SAFEGUARDING. The things she repeated, we more or less what we had experienced.
I explained what was happening with us. She said to me, that my feelings about who and what she is, are completely true. I said it was doubtful we could prove anything, other than a break of safeguarding. She stressed the importance of making sure she is stopped, otherwise others will get hurt.
R also went out with a Sociopath. With all her training, she also suffered what she did. She resigned in the end, two weeks ago because she couldn't take any more!
As I sit here, listening to other people who are suffering because of Veronica, I know IT HAS TO STOP!
JG came in from work, more upset than I had seen him. The contradictions and lies, isolation and bullying. It is an absolute nonsense. The stuff JG is saying, the same treatment myself, Darrell and H was given. It is contradictory to everything I have ever been taught.
I am in a very awkward position. I can see all of this, yet no one is doing anything. It is beyond belief that Oxfam, now paired with Mind are allowing this to go on.
This is a head and heart thing.
I want to expose her for everything she has done. I have thought about writing to The Charities Commission. The board of Trusties, is also an option. This just has to stop. I am beyond words with all this.
I have to do something!
Luke x

Crumbs that's a lot to digest in one message! X Right first things first; mood diary, did they give you one from the hospital? 2. K's little girl is a beauty! X 3. Glad you have enjoyed your mania x

Bloody phone! I hadn't finished writing yet! ? 4. JG, mmmm tricky one! Got a jumbled messaged from Darrell, as to sort of what's happened? Is JG in the union? If not kick his arse and get him to join! V is just running scared at the moment! Shit really is gonna hit the fan for her, and I think she's finally realised it. Re: R, I understand fully where she's at and where's she coming from. Just cause you are trained in it, doesn't mean it won't happen to you. It's a shame! (Hope she's out of it now though!) x

Nothing from Hospital. I was up with Darrell reading stuff last night. It does children me. Which is why it should be stopped x
Chill me
Not children

Before writing to charities com' wait for the out come of all the grievances. Make sure they have been given the opportunity to rectify her mistakes! That way any/every loophole is closed. It's more effective that way. X
Definitely! You all need time out from this! It's limbo and constantly raking over it will not help. X
Mood diary, needs to be written each night. Re: how you have felt through the day, what you have done how that made you feel etc.. X
You've still got St's number? If you get stuck , text or ring him x

The loopholes should have been closed long ago. She is still causing havoc. Sadly with JG living with us. She is now out for him. This is a nonsense. I may even expose her in the meeting. Don't care what happens. There should be a lot of people with shame all over them..x

I fully understand how you are feeling! I really do; injustice is shocking! But..... please try and wait for their conclusion if you can. Why? It will far more effective if and when you need to fully expose them! Xx

Ok..I'm listening. There are quite a few Managers who will put signatures to a letter if I have too. U will wait tho. JG just needs to beat her at her own game. .x

JG can whip her sorry scrawny arse! That's the thing; and we both know it! xxx
He needs to return that unit to Darrell's shop! He then needs to email property support and cc her in; asking how and where he can purchase the correct unit! x She hates being a cc on an email! xx

Ps... To really piss her off, he needs to click the read reply option! xx
Trust me, it does her head in every time without fail! xx

Ok will tell him...Just going to blog about Baby Imogen...x

She's a little beauty! Love a new baby! have you met her yet? X

She had a lot of complications in Hospital. Will see her tomorrow. K just needs a rest by all accounts! x

Poor girl! Does she have family? Or babies dad about? X

No, bless her. we will do what we can ....x

When you go and visit them tomorrow, make sure you take a little gift for her. More so than baby, as the focus switches from mum to baby, when baby arrives. Trust me it's a mum thing, she will really appreciate a gift for herself. Some nice smelly stuff or nail varnish, some thing really girlie, she's been through hell and back !!! xxx

I have the perfect gift already. Oh god, me buy girly stuff. I'll try. She is a sweet girl Kirsty, she has and still is going through hell....x

She will get through it, you watch her come into her own now. Don't underestimate the power that comes from being a first time mum. That little girl will want/need for anything xxx

Figures, facts, planning and assessing.
She has called a meeting next week with those points to cover.
Any pointers he should follow?
Thanks X
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Check his module count, so it reflects his stock and sales. Plan a recruitment drive; ie; notice in paper, window job centre etc.. Nominate a gift aid champion, to sign up new donors and increase sales. Ensure a good culling rate on clothing. Plan a reduced end of season sale, new sale items available on office supplies. Even if he just has "notes" to show her his action plan, all of what I've mentioned, it will piss her off massively as that's what she will be telling him to do. If he beats to to the post, well he will be fine! x

Thanks Penny..x

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​Penny's words are in light green script, mine are in dark blue!  These are online messages, sent in real time, so the grammar, punctuation, will not be perfect!  I have used single capital letters to keep the names of those involved confidential! I have also highlighted important sentences in red!​

20/07/2015 

Ex-husband owes a ridiculous amount in CSA payments, a few pence short of 30k!!! Yes I know shocking, but he hasn't paid a penny in over 13 yrs! Well inland revenue have now started to investigate family businesses, which amass a great deal more than the outstanding debt. Needless to say a settlement figure is expected shortly! So rather than be happy and chuffed, S has gone all alpha male and is rather "grumpy" wtf??? ? x

It's probably a man thing. The ex husband paying money, that sort of thing. When he see's the money, he'll be fine...x

It's not our money to spend though, it's destined to go straight into Isa's for the children. All a bit "chest Beaty" to me. X

Been sat crying in a mirror for an hour. Someone said how Ill and old I looked. So much pain in my face. It really hit me hard. The pressure is so much now. I am scared.x

Oh bless you! You have nothing to be scared of at all. As for looking old and ill, well how ironic is that; I saw the photo of you having a ciggie in the garden yday, and honestly thought how well and distinguished you looked! Isn't it strange how people see things differently?? Xxx

27/07/2015 

I know I am at breaking point, as is Darrell. I really do feel so ill. More every day. No help from anyone and we are both struggling..x

Actually if you look back, I honestly think you are at the strongest now, than what you have ever been!x Ps the second email didn't have anything on it? But I have forwarded the first one to S, he will be sending it to M today. Crumbs this is so exciting! xx
It's extra hard for you; because Darrell is unwell. That's not something you are used to seeing xx
Ps how's the little cat? X

I still have no medication, after 4 months..cat is getting better. Darrell is angry that makes me also. Having your lives torn apart is the hardest thing we have ever dealt with. If it wasn't for u there would be no one to talk too..x

I fully understand that....... I truly do! But I also recognise amidst all this pain and horror; that your strength of character would never allow that old bitch to finally break you! Even when you are in the depth of despair, your strength pulls you back up again! Not many people can claim that! You truly are stronger now, than what you have ever been. xxx
As for me being here?? Well that's just the way it is! xxx

JG is moving in in a few days to look after us and help with disposing of all this junk around my neck. He was one person I was truly wrong about. Without him we would be literally in bits. He cares so much he wanted me out of here as quick as possible. He has seen me deteriorate and like his previous partner he took on that role of carer so well. He wants to go with us wherever we go and we want him there. He really is like a son. A strong lad. He has been so disturbed by what has happened at Oxfam, he is shocked to the core as well. Still we live and learn...x

It's not junk!!! It's part of who you used to be.... When you brought it all, you needed it! Without any of it, you wouldn't be able to change your lives as you are now doing! Don't punish yourself any further, what you did back then, was to provide the security to help you move forward now. That's a brilliant gift you bestowed upon yourself and Darrell. x He is like your son, I still see him as "angry" though, but in time , you will help him overcome his troubles. That's what "real families" do. But again, I know you're beginning to understand this. In moments of clarity you will see this and understand that you have changed completely, no longer are you that broken soul. You have the love of a select few, the support and admiration of those who have chosen you and Darrell as their family. xx

He is terribly angry for some of the most horrendous things I have ever heard. I guess we offer him a kind of stability oddly. He will miss his little brother so much who he dotes over, but he knows we are good for him and vice versa. We all need chances in life. We always gave him options when others didn't and he has always been 100% with us. Calling me Pops was an honour that I took away. I want it back. I would be honoured to be his dad...x

Does he know this? Maybe now is the time to tell him how you truly feel? Since you've been so unwell, look back and reflect...... It's changed you completely, you truly are a different person. The person you always should of been, someone who is sincere, caring, honest , loving and truthful. No longer do you feel the need to "fit in" neither does being "judged" for who you really matters. Your circle of friends, again have changed, it's reduced dramatically in size. The users and blood suckers don't fool you anymore. You see past all that, you see the person underneath their baggage. You feel a persons integrity and honesty. Those people your chosen family, they see it and feel it too. If Oxfam had not been the "Hell on earth" it became under that woman..... Well would you still be the same person you are now? Or would you still be in the never-ending cycle of deception and mistrust that others had bestowed upon you? What has happened, has changed you all....it has given you the opportunity to become YOU. Embrace these changes, embrace the people that are close to you. Tell JG how you truly feel.. What is your other option? To deny yourself happiness? Nah you've done that for too long. xx

Can't yet. He finds emotions hard and not sure how he would take it. I always looked out for him. The roles have reversed. Not sure I would feel comfortable with that. I will in time...Most see him as the drama Queen. We don't and he does not act like it either..x

But he already knows it....... Crumbs why do you think he is moving in with you ? Let others see him as they wish too..... They aren't as fortunate as you are, why ? Well you get to see the real JG.... He allows you too, he trusts you enough to let you in, with you there are no walls, boundaries. I expect he; like you, is concerned that you too would struggle with the depth of his emotions for you. X

Spoke to Jay. He was hoping I would let him call me Pops again. He said he never changed it in his phone anyway..x

Well that's another big issue dealt with! xxxx
Are you available for a quick chat? X
If so could you give me a ring? Need to talk too you re: your work x

Yes just gonna have a fag then I will ring u..just been doing tarot..x


06/08/2015 

Dear Helen. I really need to ask you a personal favour. You have been there through such terrible times for me and Jason, that I really want you to attend our Wedding, sitting in the front row, as family. I have very little close family left and feel you would do me the greatest honour, to sit with myself and those closest. Family isn't about blood, it is about just how much others have cared and been there for us. I haven't always been grateful, but you have stuck by us. I will understand if you can't, but hope you will on the day! x

Crumbs that's so humbling, thank you. Of course I will come and am honoured that you wish for me to sit with you as your family. xxx

Right what would you like me/Steve to script? Personal professional? X

You shouldn't be doing that sweet. Don't want u to get in trouble x
Do u want me to call? X

I'll send u the email I sent. Darrell is so ill now it is frightening..x

Dear Nick
I thought it was about time I acted decisively, with regards to this long, ongoing grievance process at Oxfam.

I have been off work for nearly six months, suffering from a serious psychiatric injury, due to the continuing burden of a process that should have been completed long ago. My health continues to deteriorate daily. My partner Darrell, is now on medication because of the seriousness of the situation he finds himself in. Recently his medication was doubled, due to harassment that continues from those who have been responsible for both our health issues, which are now serious and causing great concern.

I have spoken to a help line, Psychologist and Solicitor. I have meticulously explained the whole situation that both we and others find themselves in. Our Region is collapsing, Managers are walking out and others are suffering extreme levels of bullying. This is not acceptable.

Each professional we approached, have said the same thing, offering the only conclusion they can reach. They believe 'Sociopathy' is behind everything that is currently at play. We can no longer disagree with this diagnosis.

I myself have been instructed to do the following. Firstly a private assessment at The Spire Hospital, that will give me a report, as to the extent of the damage caused by inaction and inertia. Also to show what serious health issues have been caused by lack of safeguarding, resulting in relapses and suicides. No measures were ever put in place to protect me.

Because of the nature of 'Sociopathy', we have been advised to leave our current situation, home, life and career. In their words, go as far away as you can. We are currently in the process of selling everything we own to start a new life, well away from the ghastly, heinous memories that give me nightmares every night.

I would like access to a Solicitor ASAP, to discuss my options now. Sociopathy is a criminal offence. I am constantly in fear, do not leave my house and no longer lead a normal life. I am so damaged by all this and the continued silence and lack of support, that I have to now take drastic measures to remove myself and my partner from the awful quagmire,

I could never again work for an organisation that has allowed my vulnerability to be exploited by someone so incapable, destructive and malicious. These are strong words, but the evidence is right before our and others eyes, yet no one does nothing.

Darrell continues to receive harassing calls. Firstly a call is made to my phone, using a private number. I never answer such calls. A minute later Darrell answers his phone, as his mother lives in Australia, and her number appears as private. These calls have happened twice now and the language used is distressing. The second time the call was made, Darrell recognised HB's voice.

HB has already threatened to put Darrell in the boot of his car, damage my home and kill my cats.

We will be clarifying the situation with the Police later today, with a written log of events. We will be demanding action under the Prevention of Harassment Act of 1997. While Oxfam decide on a cause of action, well over the stated 28 days, my pay will be reduced to half soon. I demand that full pay is reinstated, since Oxfam's failure to act sooner has left us where we are today.

My rights under the Disability Discrimination Act have been seriously compromised and have resulted in serious disablement, suicides and relapses. I now have to protect myself, my rights and indeed my life.

Regards


Have a hair dye on! Give me 10 mins and phone me xxx ps haven't read your message yet was busy telling it how it is! xxx

Ok phone u shortly..x
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Xxx

Read it! How will I get In Trouble??? Xx

Union man contacted me. No arguments and said we will discuss the next steps..x

04/07/2015 
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I have to keep one for clinic! x

Every thing; anything, something nothing! As detailed as you need to make it without becoming obsessed with it. Yes thought as much x
Hence the reply, make it as in depth as you want too xx​

Oh god, not obsessive...Challenge! x

On an us note! How is it going? X
Ps I'm so proud as too how you've got through all of this x
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Feeling great today. Knocking Darrell out of his downer. Turned tables! x
I've coped appallingly badly, but good for me. Have too! x
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I know! He has texted me, a few times saying he's worried etc... I've said; you're off sick! Pass it over! Not your worry xx
Actually that's bull shit! You've done so well! X
Ps I will add, I don't offer praise freely! X
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So much anger in Darrell right now. I don't care atm! x
S has been the only person who has got me through this. He is such a great guy! x
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That's good! You are not to focus on him, just you!!!! X
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I want to face her Friday, look at her, and make her know, I know. Not cowing to her! x
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S is a pain in the fucking arse! But yes he really is a good guy! Ps don't tell him I told you that EVER! x
You need too! You will be ready for her this time! X
Ps... She knows it! X

She can't get me any lower, good place to start. She is a cruel and nasty person I know that! x
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So proud of the managers in my area tbh! They have all stood together to deal with this nonsense! X
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Disappointed in a few, P mainly! x
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No!! There is no lower! You've been there, done that! And now you are on your way back up! Gawd help anyone who dates to stand in your way! xx
P has a hard private life x
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I have faith it will all be ok in the end. Darrell is suffering most atm, from all angles! x
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Let me deal with him! He will be fine xx
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I hope so, he does not deserve this at all! x
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You just focus on you please? You've got fish to fry! X
He will be fine; I promise you that! X
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I will let rip, say everything, nothing left out. Just have to keep calm though! x
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I just don't know what too say! You have been amazing through all if this ! Quite humbling to observe! I hope when you are well enough you really really look back in all this and think; "yeah that was hard, but I made it through!" Yes there have been a couple if times you've got to the bottom; but you've made it half way back up again! X

You will remain really calm! Why? Oh my; it will offer you dignity, grace, and superiority over that cow! X
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I know what is coming. Medication I never wanted to do, probably wont work again, but I will do what I have to first! x
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We've both known some bad people, but nothing like her. X
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Promise you that! x
She was the worst! x
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Medication will help you, not hinder you x
Yep that she is! X
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Thanks again for everything, It must have been hard when I was so close to her. x
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Yes and no. Patience is a virtue, waiting in the wings; so to speak! Waiting to step in when she hurt you. That was hard. x
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Ah, I would not have learnt otherwise. Made be stronger ... x
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You are a stronger person for this, that's for certain! x No one will ever hurt you to this extent ever again. So yes, that's a good thing. xx
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Much love always x
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Much recognition, praise, and admiration as always. xx
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and to you. See all positive x
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xxx


17/07/2015 ​
​
Hey sweet how's u? X
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I'm good how about you? Xxx
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Really good. Wrote another chapter of my book. Happy at last..x​
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This is brilliant news!! xxx
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Hope all is well with u. Sorry again for other week. Emotions were all over the place...x
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Stop! We've dealt with that. No more apologies needed. Xxx
I'm truly so pleased you've had a good week. I've been catching up on your blogs, you really are talented. X
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I wish. They can detail my moods at least. Anger to happy reflection now..x
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Luke, you really are a talented writer! You should look to see how much it was cost to get them commissioned and get some printed off! The depth of what you write, truly reflects your mind set. It's refreshing to read honest, raw, emotions! X
Think of the market you could reach with your work, how many other authors have written with sincerity how a condition such as bio-polar effects every aspect of your life??? xxx
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Trouble is people don't like raw emotions, they get scared, I hurt loads of people writing it...x
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You would help many more, plus yourself by continuing to write it though . x
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Writing doesn't pay the bills sadly. Blogging is raw, and not up to standard, but I enjoy it! x
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I've not seen any authors with the courage to write with such passion as you do. Google bi-polar all you can find is the clinical aspect; not the personal x
Why not be the first honest bi-polar author? Some one has too? You have plenty of experience and most vertically are talented enough to do so xx
​
I know, I've seen only clinical stuff. I worry it makes me out to be a lune. It really offends a lot of people, god knows why! x
​
Because it's mental health! People don't fully understand mental health. You're are far from a lune! It's so refreshing to read honest, raw, emotional scripts! If it offends people, well that's their issue not yours. xx
​
I know. May go away for a bit to stay with a friend for a while. Will give Darrell some time to himself..x
Just to let u know. X
​
I think that would be really good for both of you. Just time to recover from everything, you've both been through so much. It will make you both stronger, (if that's possible) but would do you the world of good. xx
​
He is really battling stm, so much hurt, and I have no idea what to do...x
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When was the last time you were apart? X
Darrell will be fine! He's stronger than any of us give him credit for x
​
Never apart, we love each other that much I guess. Hate being apart! Darrell is heading for a breakdown, I see it, so frustrating! x
​
I honestly think a break will do you both so much good xx
Yes you can see it, but it's something he has to recognise. Of course it's frustrating, you love him dearly and of course you don't want to see him suffer x
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I agree, just don't know when. He needs that verdict, then we can move forward! x
​
It will only be for a few days. He has people who love and care for him, around all the time. You could really do with, being looked after, not worrying/supporting/suffering and waiting for Darrell to see something. That sounds so mean.... But you know I don't mean it in an awful way. I can see both sides. Myself I think both of you will benefit from the rest, I wouldn't suggest it if I thought it would cause harm or upset , but then you know that xx
​
Of course. Darrell has always been Mr honest and has tonnes of integrity, atm, he feels that dirt. I hate to see him like this. I coping fine now myself and just want him at peace. He is not used to this, indeed who is, but his honesty always got him far, this is a complete departure! x
​
Yes it is adherent what has gone on, but if neither of you had spoken out; how would you both of felt?? It would still of been continuing, both of you would of faced this eventually. But no matter what the out come; you can both hold your heads up high, knowing you'd both been nothing other than truthful. That's the gift if that's for use of a better word? You have both bestowed upon yourselves. From this whole affair, not many can walk away knowing that they have been honest, sincere and truthful through to the end... xx
​
In short....... There is no dirt that could ever be held against either of you. xx
​
I told Darrell that. H sent a message, quite stern, saying she would not let that woman force her out, She's a gutsy Lady. Much admiration, People can throw what they like at me, I just don't like others suffering. I am cooling it was JG for a bit. He is really getting it in the neck. He needs to make his own decisions. No one deserves this. I still have faith mind you! x
​
I am hopeful for the outcome of all of this. My logical mind says; how can a manager have some many proven complaints against her, and walk away unscathed. I really don't think P will let this blow over. I think he will require answers. Be mindful there are a further 9? Managers in his region. I doubt any of them have brought/presented this to his door. Don't forget he will have to go in front of operations managers board, they go in front of the board of directors. Will all of those people "dismiss" her lies/claims/false hoods? I doubt it very much so.. X
​
I still have that faith also. This is difficult for Oxfam, I know that. I just hate seeing good people hurt. Well in the end it's up to them to do the right thing. Lets see. Have u heard H and B are leaving! x
D just told us! x
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No?? Crumbs! It's looking even worse for her then! x
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Bolt out the blue. A circus as H said. Got to have a bath will talk later! x
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Could think of a better word to use to describe it!! Well said Hilary! Enjoy your bath xxx
​
xxx

That's nearly every person that me and V interviewed and put in situ, gone..weird! Thinking too much again..x

Not call it reflecting... xx
But I know this, I wouldn't fancy being in her shoes tonight! xx
Says an awful lot about her, her lack of management skills x

She really has no idea. Ah well will never know what happened there. It all seems irrational to me...x

I will give H a phone call tomorrow xx

Be good yes. Poor H x

It is irrational; lies never offer stability, they are made on the foundations of deceit. No good ever comes from deceit; this only magnifies how deceitful she really is.. X

Sure. Not sure how she ever remembers truth from fiction. Have to get caught in the end. Unless she us a genius. Mind boggling to me...x

Haha she far from a genius! The woman is a deluded fool; she thought she would/could destroy you, Darrell, H.... Look what's happened.... In short it's all fallen around her. It's mind boggling to you; as you are not a deluded fool! xx

Can she really afford to loose more managers? All nuts to me x

Exactly......... I do believe, her tangled web is beginning to become undone! x

iI hope so. Our region has suffered enough. Lost so many good people. Confusing tho,...Give H my love when u speak to her, hope all goes well for her. x

I will do. Right I'm off for a bath now.. Will speak to you later. xxx

OK..Hugz x​

18/07/2015 

Couple of questions Penny. H needs a work colleague at a meeting with V, would you be able to. Can u phone her. Also did you speak to H? x

L is damanding that V is at a formal hearing about her. H wanted a grievance, L changed it. Told her to reinstate it as a grievance. x

Tried to ring H shop 5 times today; no answer?!? I have a voice mail from H; will phone her later. I can not attend any meetings for anyone other than Darrell, it would be a conflict of interest. But when I catch up with her, I will explain. Xxx

OK...I will be moving abroad to recover from this relapse, is there any legalities I should be aware about before I leave! x

Are you intending to stay on sick leave? If so check legal aspect of sick pay etc... Xx
Dependant on where you are, can you come back n see your dr for sick notes etc? X

OK, will do. If it comes to it, I will leave after the wedding, when it runs out. At that point I guess I will instruct solicitors. Been too long for me now. Need a new start away from here! x

Use all of your annual leave entitlement. I fully understand and support your choice to move away. I honestly think it will do you both the power of good! The auctioneer house in Lymington, do free valuations on Mondays. They also will be able to advise on furniture clearance firms. Think they are call Kildnlers or something to that effect? xx

We have said, there is too much damage that can't be repaired and trust lost. I have deteriorated so much over the last few years, Oxfam need to own up and deal with it, so it NEVER happens again. Sad day, but we both never deserved this. It is something I will always live with and that is a terrible thought! x

Some times you have to put yourself first above all others. If moving ensures this can happen; then that will be the only positive thing to come out of all of this. X

This also needs to be stopped, so it never happens again. That woman is dangerous and has no right to any power over anyone. That is obsene. It think JG will be coming with me, to be with me over the next few months. I'm sure he will be handing in his notice ASAP...! x

Helen
I think oxfam WILL have to look at their management structure their policies and their procedures! With everything that has happened surely they can not sweep this under the carpet? X

it wont be, it was all illegal. Been informed by Solicitor already, so all good..x

​
Penny's words are in light green script, mine are in dark blue!  These are online messages, sent in real time, so the grammar, punctuation, will not be perfect!  I have used single capital letters to keep the names of those involved confidential! I have also highlighted important sentences in red!

​26/06/2015 

You know what. I can't sleep, naturally. I wanted to say I'm proud we all stood up. I feel great sadness, I feel terribly old, but it doesn't matter. Doing the honourable thing, finally. Thanks for making us do this. I feel so strong right now, despite the worst experience of my life...x

Xxxx

Ok, I've dug too far. Spoke to a Solicitor friend. He said from what I said she is a Sociopath. I knew she was. He has said we should get out and deal with this from a distance. Can you guarantee our safety or not. I know this should not get out now. I know how serious it is. I am not going to say a thing. Just tell me if we should leave. This is a nightmare. Please just give me straight advice. We can leave today if we have too. It must be awful for you at Oxfam too. I am seriously worried for our wellbeing. A friend who works in HR, has also said to leave soon as.

Myself in all honesty? D will receive a disaplinary; he was involved in some if the inappropriate conversations that went on in his shop. You: she really doesn't have anything on you to suggest any grievances. So in short, if I were D; I'd be looking for another position, if u were you, I would stand my ground.
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Ps. Have no concerns for me, she isn't strong/power/intelligent enough to take me on; she knows it, I know it; HR know it xx

The conversations are false as you know. He was bullied and you encouraged this . This is about removing us, it always was. Can't believe i trusted you!
So D will be fired, for what? x

What???? I'm confused? D won't be fired! But he will have to face a disciplinary! Probably a written/verbal warning! I assume. D is in bits over the bullying! Yes quite right fully so! But do you think he has the strength of character to deal with v and the other 2 if they remain in situ? I hope he does! But my concern is: he will feel further bullied! Ps sorry I missed your call; I was getting dressed. xxx

I need to phone quickly x

Penny:

Oxfam and the way this whole incident t has been handled has really surprised me, disappointed me to an extent. I still am struggling with the fact that 3 people are still in situ after a safe guarding breech had been made! X
Yeah be quick xx

The whistle blowing number is 00441865472120 or you can email: [email protected] x

All the numbers are in there! It's changed and took a fair bit of digging to find this document. X
Now what can I disclose to Dave? I will wait until you've spoke. To me; before I Jo down and see him; but I will give H a quick call x

It's ok, I spoke to s. He told me D's safety would be protected. Thanks L x

Are you calmer and happier with that knowledge? Xx

Always calm Penny. Always trusted S and his integrity!

Good! X

Right now i feel like a manipulated vulnerable employee. No more games!

Bless you L, I really do feel for both of you! I'm shocked with how this has been allowed to continue! I'm disappointed and disgusted that people are still in situ! x

Luke:

Why do you want me to whistle blow on Oxfam. They are good people, and dealing with it!. I know you are disgusted, so am I, but my options are limited to this procedure! xs
I am concerned for what that guy told me, but I can not make assumptions, only take advice. Our safety is of importance atm. x
Why can't you whistleblow if u have concerns? x

Why? If you feel unhappy with the outcome of the investigation currently taking place, as your friend, I'd like to assume you that you will have every avenue open to you! You can't whistle blow,( I believe?) until the investigation has concluded. But to ensure that you are treated fairly, safely and with integrality. I know that you would offer me the same support! Hence my constant suggestion to involve your union. I am dismayed that these people are still in situ!!?!? I really do not understand how/why they are all still there?!? So in short, I just want to make sure that both if you are protected and covered! No stones left unturned, so to speak! I really don't trust V and would not be surprised if she pulled some dirty tricks? X

Penny:

Believe me! I have absolutely no "qualms" on whistle blowing! I have done it on numerous occasions. And no doubt will probably do it on this occasion again! X
I'm off to go and speak to Dave! X
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I agree, but I have no firm evidence on V, that would be inappropriate. Since people just talk in riddles. I have been told what is their belief only. If we get past the riddles. it would be different x
I am not currently in post, so have no idea what is going on. If people are concerned they should deal with it. I am not a scape goat! x

If you believe myself or Jason are at risk, I would of course act x

Helen, is something wrong~? x

Just on the phone to D x

I asked him to phone. Concerned! x

Ok I am worried, do you need help? x

Why has B's email address been removed? x

No sorry I'm ok just got side tracked with customer D and an interview! Oh and  D phoning. Xx

Beth has been removed from oxfam email? x

I do not want L taking my statement. Her whole report on D is inaccurate, all of it. This has to stop!
Police are ringing me in an hour. This ends now! x

28 June 2016

Relapse 3 in 3 months. The most dangerous ever. It is now the time to act. L was the closest yet to dying. JG got him through this. Where were Oxfam? Someone soon will die. Other people cleaning up the mess again. Last night was shocking, that this was left to happen again. It is criminal. 

Ring me x

 
Penny's words are in light green script, mine are in dark blue!  These are online messages, sent in real time, so the grammar, punctuation, will not be perfect!  I have used single capital letters to keep the names of those involved confidential! I have also highlighted important sentences in red!

17/06/2015

Myself and D are a little worried. We do not like the conclusions we have come to. Please read. Do not judge, this all sounds nuts! Senario: Veronica was removed under PH's region to ours for whatever reasons. V has issues of revenge and is sabotaging our region. To cover her self and claim others are responsible, maybe even P, she is using her position as a serial mom type character to get info on those taken in by her charms. She plays on others fears. She knew my biggest fear was loosing my family, yet she told me to get rid. I did so, against D's wishes. I believed in her advice. She felt like more of a family at that time then my own. When D was attacked, she offered a shoulder to cry on. It is D's biggest fear. Part of this campaign by H and S is the sexual inuendo. In March 2015 D told V, about me being so depressed, due to a reference at the beginning of my career. L has always believed it halted his career before it started. V said, Oxfam never do things like that. She said the records would no longer be there, although it has in our opinion tarnished my career. She said she would look into it and see what she could do. D said that The woman who made the allegations was a terrible bully and was drunk when she wrote it. D cried and cried on the phone. Within a week, I had experienced bullying for the first time ever since joining Oxfam from a colleague who was a long term friend. R knew that woman like me and saw what I went through at the time. This is just too much for me to understand and it would be laughed out of any grievance, but these events are true and after reading various publications on line, I believe they are fact. I don't believe myself and D are safe and have fears for our safety. Who told V I had made a grievance, It is thus far untrue. Currently we are both feeling battered and used. The more we delve, the more we uncover. All of us in the southampton area have friendships that could be seen as close. I don't believe that is a coincidence. I may have to either speak to the Police or take action to remove our statements if I believe we are now in danger! I need to know if this could be true!

What did the text v sent say? It could well be B has informed her of a pending complaint. Think logically; the day after the complaint is made, D received the outcome of his meeting with Lisa. I honestly do not believe that she would physically cause you harm. If anything I believe she's panicking; I believe she unskilled/untrained to resolve issues like this. With P back as her manager, I believe again she is panicking. X

We are going to withdraw Penny. We either need the truth or we are out. This psychotic behaviour is dangerous. We both don't deserve this. I feel liked we have been played.

I don't believe B would play either of you x

I believe she was moved to our area for a reason. Spoke to a helpline, they said this could happen and to be extremely careful. Ensure your safety. Thus far we have been given no assuranced.

What did D's union say?

No evidence. The more we search the more we find psychotic behaviour, our lives at risk and no firm evidence. We could never submit such claims, they would be laughed out and she would win

So what do you think will happen if D withdrawers his complaint? He really needs to speak to B and ask for support surrounding this. I am also mindful that his complaint because it a safe guarding issue; may go ahead regardless. When a complaint of this nature is reported, B would have a duty if care to resolve it

*bear in mind D reported the "booby trapped" stock room to the police

Are the thoughts i wrote earlier possible? I have never heard such stuff. There is more, it is just getting too bad. What the hell have we been left to deal with. Believe me i am of sound mind, which is why I am scared. People know stuff. We need support and guidance not the ability to be fall guys! x

Firstly I suggest you send your report to B. Chase up your union. Then with D he needs to chase his union. I honestly don't know if D can retract his complaint; due to the safe guarding nature, and the fact the police have been contacts and are involved. I myself don't believe you are in physical danger; from oxfam, namely v. What did her text to you say? X

Do u believe what I have found out? You layed your reputation on the line. U said our backs were covered..why?

I believe that you are concerned; I believe that you are both extremely and quite justifiably stressed with the whole issue. I believe that you have not had the right support. I believe v is unable to provide this support. I believe she has allowed this situation to escalate to this extent. I still and will always support you on this. There have been massive issues of mismanagement that need to be addressed. I believe she was moved to this area; as she had conflict with her old manager. He is now her manager again; and the behaviour she is displaying is a result if panic and inexperience in people management skills. I honestly do not believe that she will cause physical harm to either of you. But I do believe if the issues both of you have raised; if withdrawn now; your reputation and time at Oxfam would become almost unbearable xx

Your backs are covered; as the complaint of bullying and mis-management are truthful! xx

We have been abused and violated. I need to speak to an independent person who can unravel this trail of hate ASAP!

Yes you do! This is why I keep asking have you spoken to your union? Have you lodged your complaint? Without doing this; nothing will be resolved x You need to appoint an advocate on your behalf ASAP x

We have lodged complaint, but there is no evidence. They would not believe this as we are trying not too. The internet suggests this kind of thing, but this is just explosive. 

your rights are fully protected! X Can you send me a copy of her text message to you? X Plus as it currently stands; you are both signed off from work. D is now signed off with work related stress! X You are off; so she should NOT of contacted you with any work related issues! Full stop! X Basic mistake! Clearly a sign of a manager that's panicking! She knows that x

I need to say that after a spell in hospital, she did not do my review. She said she would do it for me I agreed. D's review was cancelled because it was the same day as my college keep assessment. H keeps claiming his mother is a mental health practicioner at college keep...Nuts eah...Ill forward text x

she is not panicing she is psychotic and all avenues covered

B will erupt when she finds out! But to ensure it's not kept within the organisation and swept under the carpet; your union needs to see record it! X

Am i seeing the truth. I just need to know. I am so disgusted by all this. It is sick! x

she hasn't though! That's the thing; she's make classic management errors! To contact you regarding a complaint D has made???? Surely you can see she is fishing for info? She knows she has messed up! Surely the fact that she hasn't contacted me, tells you 
something? She will know I'm his advocate! X

You said u could read people. I believe u. U have seen stuff that is not normal. I wish someone would help us. Will send text hang on x You and D have made allegations which will be dealt with separately by myself as your line manager and H R. My advise would be to concentrate on your health and getting better. Shall we meet on Friday 26th? V

Think logically! I'm mindful of your well being! This is stressing you so much! Be rational... 1. Why has she not asked, suggested an advocate? 2. A formal complaint is not dealt with the person the complaint has been made against ! 3. Why has she not contacted myself? Or D? 4. You are still signed off sick, why do you need to meet with her? Why has she not offered clarity on what the context of your meeting will be? Think logically! What does her text tell you? X

Ps. I will add B needs to see this text! X You are currently signed off with a bipolar episode; why on earth would your line manager send you communication that will cause you harm distress and a possible relapse?? X

D is upset texting B, They will look at all this info and just not believe us. I need to see a lawyer i believe x

You need to involve your union! ASAP they will offer representation that Oxfam have to adhere to and recognise x
Again I keep saying this; think logically, v will not/ can not investigate a complaint that has been made against her! X

Just let D phone u a minute. He is a good soul he needs to tell u something important, could be what u need

Cool x 

We have been lied to and left to fend for ourselves. No better than those who destroyed us. We give up and withdraw. 

​When a sociopath feels the need to defend their public persona from being exposed as fake, their strategy (i.e., offensive-revenge) is usually to destroy their victim’s character, turning them into an outcast, which in extreme cases, could lead to severe depression and even suicide. So a sociopath may not commit the violence themselves — especially if it would be geographically inconvenient — though they may lay down such an onslaught of heinous acts against their victim, that they could fully intend to drive that person to the person’s limit. They literally can destroy a person’s life, without a single night of lost sleep. They truly have no remorse, no guilt … if they believe it needs to get done, it’s just business.

I should have been told. Why the hell not?

I am still keeping Oxfams rep in tact. This would be too damaging for them I know that, but i am owed explanations. This is a nightmare difficult to recover from!

I believe you only came into my life at a point when Oxfam discovered her status. You were there to give advice. Thank you for being there in the end. We both have no where to turn now. You said you would help, well help me now before I collapse. x

Hi sweet. I'm ok now. Just had to cry. I'll never understand all this, but I understand that one bad person does not make an organisation. I miss Oxfam so much, I just don't know if I can return. Thank you for being there I will get my statement done asap. I just need a little rest..x 

25/06/2015

Just to let u know a joint complaint has gone to V from JG, D and H re: cascade x

That's brilliant news!!!! I shall go down and speak to Dave tomorrow. I know he is not happy with it. X Ps must add; so proud to see you out and about yday! Well done; I know that took a massive amount of courage to do that. xx

Thanks. Good friends helped on that one. Complaint has gone to v, worried about that. She has asked J G for a meeting on 30th, he does not know why! x

And to add; yday was so surreal; v called to drop off racks that should of been with me 2 yrs ago! She was a cat on hot bricks! Spent about an hour talking to my volunteers?????? X Mmmm? That's a strange one? Has she said what it's for? X

No, he is a bit worried...x

Think some one; is running scared! X

How should he handle it? x

J hasn't done anything wrong, so he has no reason to be concerned. But if it was me I'd ask what it is in relation too. X I'd be cautious and professional, don't allow her to have any reason to discredit him. X

Told him in public in shop. JG has been complaining all the time. V may have had enough x

She should not be referring to anything that is not related to his shop! X

OK i'll tell him. SF seeing him friday x

Yes I think she most definitely is a woman running scared; lies and deceit always catch up with you in the end! Xx Brilliant news you are meeting with S. Again do not be fearful; you have done absolutely nothing wrong! It is your manager that is under investigation, not you xx

Cascade is at breaking point no one is getting anything. Stuff going missing. Part of reason I was safeguarding stock. Also H having to deliver stuff herself cus of situation...x I feel ok today. JG was here last night. He's really helping. I know u don't trust him. I have too atm...x

Is H putting in for travel to deliver stock? She should do really, it will support her claim. It will also go further up it will be noted! Xx If JG is helping you and you trust him; that's fine. Just be careful as to what you disclose to him. I'm concerned as he is young, angry, and could be easily manipulated by V xxx

I believe so. Think H is close to breaking. She is so upset. So sad...x

Does she know I'm in contact with both of you? I may phone her on Friday xx

No, not said a thing. Please ring her, she needs help. She is a good person. Feel for her! x

I will do. This is all so wrong; how does one individual manage to destroy so many people?? It's shameful xx

I know. It is all beyond me. JG will handle V ok. He has loads of stuff to give to S! x

He may need support from both of you though? I'm concerned as he is so young and he is angry; that he may display a "knee jerk" reaction to her. Make sure he stays calm and professional though. X

I will tell him. Could he ask anyone for advice? x

As to what he should say? Who has he spoken to so far? and in which capacity was it in? X

To no one. He is playing dumb with V. He knows what is going on with us and he is keeping everything in writing with V. Managers are phoning him with complaints and he is doing a good job dealing with it...x He is doing what I did when I was at work. Seems people are scared to talk to v themselves! x

Firstly I'd get him too ask as to what the meeting is for? He could say...... Hi V, just a quick note/call etc.. Can you let me know what the meeting is about on Friday? Trying to organise cover so we are not disturbed. xx

ok x

Has he spoken to L? It may be worth a phone call to her? X

Ok, I will mention it! x

Again, all these managers saying the same thing! Looking for support and guidance; what do they get? Nothing! X

I know. JG said she rarely talks to him now and H constantly abusing him...awful times!

It is awful times, but this is the fault of the area manager, not the shop managers! X

I know. If i was there I would be blasting her to hell. Hate the woman! x

I'm actually extremely proud of our area. Our managers have really stood strong and together to stop this woman! It really does show; how caring, supportive, inclusive and empowering we are as a team of managers! xx

Most thanx to you....You have helped me so much. Very grateful! x

It also sends out a message loud and clear too head office! We will look after our own in the South! Don't mess with us! We are the face of Oxfam! This is what we do, oh and by the way.... We are damned good at it! xx

S is lovely too. So calming. Great guy! x

I was sent to you! X

Sent to me? x

He has said he will always be here for you. Just give me a shout and he will help! X

Was the Nan stuff true? x

Yes you! Remember our first conversation?? Time is all you need, truth will always protect you! X

Of course! x

Yes of course it was; how would I of known? Why on earth would I ever say something that wasn't true? Once this is past, and you are well enough. I will teach you so many other things. At the moment you are not well enough to be able to focus. But you will always be protected; with truth and the love that people have for you. xx

Next time you meet with S, ask him what it's like living with me? Ask him how spiritual I am, what I see, hear, feel and know! X

I'm not bad, I have had bad times, been a bastard at times, but my life has just spiraled downwoods. It is so debilitating at times...x As D said, it always happens to us..a curse i guess! x

I know you are not a bad person. You have endured some pretty damn heinous events through your life. People have come into your life and abused your trust on many occasions. They have almost broken you at times! Yet you still continue to love, trust, care and support people. Why would you do any of that if you were a bad person? Yes we can all be contrite at times, we are humans! It happens to you both, because you are open loving people; you expect everyone you meet will be the same. Sadly they aren't. When you are well, I will teach you too read people; so you can protect yourself! xxx

​With Steve's help, he will teach you different self help technics. You now have your own phycologist! Your health won't fail you as it did before. You need to be honest and open with him. He will help you do a wrap. If you do feel as if you are becoming unwell, you need to tell me. I will out him on the phone or send him over or you can come to us. What ever we need to do, we will. I can not stand by and watch you suffer, nor will he. xx

I actually feel stronger today. Learning to trust again is the key If JG lets me down i will be devastated. He did much to protect us from bad people and always fights our corner. He was not there through my relapse, because in his words he could not see me hurting anymore. His ex bf, used to have bp and it nearly destroyed JG. he said he learnt to protect himself by becomming cold and heartless. He used to be week but he learnt, but lost his emotions. I have to believe that is true. his anger is about his family. i cant say but it is shocking....x

Hence why all I keep seeing is his anger! Well that's quite reassuring to know I'm not off track with sight! You have a gift; called "gut reaction" listen to it! It's never wrong. If you feel from the bottom of your gut, that he is supporting you, then let him in. The red I see with JG is his anger, the green is learning! My concern is/was I could see such a deep red aura, which to me; shows a great depth of deep seated anger and loathing. But as you  explained; his issues with his family are quite shocking, that would explain it. But it will do him harm in the end... He needs to let go if it, he needs to remember he is not responsible for the actions of others, only his own. xx

Ps.. You feel stronger today, because you are stronger! I showed S your photos and said that you'd been out and about. He was extremely impressed! Not any easy feat to impress a grumpy scot! But when I said well done to him; I was promptly corrected and was told; that actually the hard work was done by Luke not me! x

We all have issues in life, when I heard about his, It put my life into perspective. He used to call me pops, and it was kinda nice, we fell out. When we made up I made him never say it again. I just want family and a sense of belonging. D and i have no family now and I miss what it bought. He gives me that at times when I need it. I worry about his anger atm, but he will always do want he wants . Gotta have faith! x

You do have family; not in the literal sense. Families are diverse; you have such close friends, some of which are young enough to be your children. Others which are old enough to be cousins and siblings. Families are not always defined by birth or blood lines. Families are people that have seen us at our worst and at our best; that still support and stand by us regardless! You both have family, you both are blessed with the gift of your chosen family. If JG calls you "pops" it's because he regards you as a father figure; his chosen father figure. That's an honour. There's a baby coming into your lives soon, do you not think, that she will look to you both as family? Because that's what you will be. Your parents and brother have made their decision clear, but that's a blessing nit a burden. Why? What do they really have to offer you? Love, support and guidance? Or is the hardest part that they only offer disapproval? Does it matter? Does it define you? No none of it does. Why? Look around you, look at the live support guidance and approval your chosen family give you with unconditional limits and expectations. xxx

Ps... I first told you; and still stand by what I said then, as I do now. You are loved so deeply! You truly are a blessed man! X

Mmm...Don't feel it right now. Loved ones always get hurt, as we have all our lives! x

Look to H; imagine how isolated she feels right now? Do you feel that isolated? There is soooooo much I need/want to teach you, when you are well! Your life is transforming, as you are! Reflect back over the past 10 days. What do you see? In reality you should of had a full blown episode. You didn't ask yourself why? Too me; when I look at you, I see rebirth, potential, opportunities not yet grasped! Your life is just beginning! Do you honestly believe if I was "talking nonsense" is of brought my partner of 12 years to your home? Do you not think if I was being anything other than truthful, I may of been "rumbled"? I know you understand all if this.... In time when all this nonsense with our area manager has been resolved, you will be ready and well enough to grow/develop/learn. Luke I know you trust me; of which I'm honoured; but you trust me for a reason! Not a written word, not a spoken word, but a reason that you can't explain! You just know I know and that in it's self is enough! xxx

In short..... I'm in your lives right now, because I'm meant to be! I don't know if I will still be as active in your lives in 5 years 10 years??? But what I do know is right here right now... I'm meant to be here with you. Yes I know that; that will make "perfect sense" x

I just don't know why. I believe your ties to Oxfam extend beyond Manager. I believe the trust they have in you is through your abilities to read people. I believe, as you have said before, they regard your advice and I believe you may well have been looking out for this area for a while. You are a truly remarkable Lady and I just hope Oxfam Values that! x

Do you really think so? X That is the most humbling compliment I have ever received! xxx

I do yes. Trust is important. They obviously trust you grately. I do believe whatever has happened, you were there when it mattered. You and your partner are both psychologists why would you be working as a Manager. you would be wasted! x

There is a reason I'm with oxfam! They know it I know it! I'm not a "retail" person. As I'm sure you've gathered by now. I used to be my partners boss. (I still am of course! x ) but it was in a professional capacity. I've endured nonsense in my life, but in the end I'm actually grateful for it! I hate with am absolute passion unjust, mistreatment etc... Oxfam gave me an opportunity, so I feel a loyalty to them and the people, (managers in my area) to respect what Oxfam represents! I am over qualified to work as a shop manager; yes that is true. But I am also humble, honest, and truthful to what the organisation represents. Not on a global scale as such; but more too the fact I can empower and change peoples lives on the front line. In my mindset; yes it may be shot! But I think the "greatest" gift you can ever bestow upon anyone is too empower them! It's quite ironic really and very humbling, I add! That the 1-21 that are now recognised within the organisation as an integral part of managing people; is something I discussed and had already implemented with S 8 years ago; are now recognised and used as common practice. So in short if I left tomorrow, I know I've left a legacy that will benefit so many people I will never meet. For which I am truly "humble, grateful, empowered, and feel self worth" for doing so. xxx

Penny, you may well have saved my life, certainly my relationship, and given me back something I lost years ago. The ability to see through the haze of my life and focus on what was going on around me. I was so blind for so long. I am vulnerable, but I am also able to be strong when needed. I will not be a victim, I will be strong enough to stop this nasty bahaviour. I have seen good people destroyed and used. I am shocked by it all, but you kinda showed me, luckily I believed and trusted in you, but something told me too. I truly can say, you may well be responsible for a change in me, that will last. Much love for that x

I'm humbled that you "feel" the love, trust and integrity that I am trying to give you. I; and I know you feel it; if that's the right phrase; am here right now to empower you! I would never harm or hurt you in any sense. It's not within me; you will grow from this. I know/feel you will! In time I sense you will "replace me" within our area! It's within you! I know you understand that fully! xxx Thank you for letting me in! It's an "honour!" Xx

Ps.... I will add!; you my dear sweet friend; are/ will not be a victim! You are a survivor battle scars are you badge of honour! Wear them with absolute pride! xxx

I have no power or ability to replace anyone, least of all someone like yourself. I'm just someone with bipolar, who got shafted, in a way I never expected. I love you for your cripticness, makes me think...x

Shut up! You do! You can't see it yet! But I know there's a sensation you have been having! Reflect; look how you are supporting H! Now tell me it's not within you ! Some would call it ; their "calling" It's me for goodness sake! You can't/won't pull the wool over my eyes! Xx

I just like people. I believe in people and their abilities. Propbably because I am so fucked up. My career at oxfam is over, but then i hope vs is as well. Willing sacrafice...Oxfam will never keep me on after all this, x Nobody ever believed in me except D, I just wanted to change that and believe in others. I just love people, maybe cus I got very little love myself. God that sounds so trite but true! x H dedicated her life to Oxfam. A true battler as well. Look at her now. Bless her, fighting still...x

No it's sounds "honest and humble" Your career at oxfam is not over! Why would you think that? S did say too me, what was the post I'd gone for? I explained and he laughed! He did say; do you honestly believe someone like her, would let you loose training and empowering her managers, do you think she would give YOU that role?" The same applies to you! I totally believe in you; for what it's worth! If you look at it, from a different respective, why would I "stake" so much? Because you underneath all the miss-treatment are an exceedingly brilliant manager! That's why! Xx

Goodness me! If I told you about my life so far! It would seem greater than contrite! Would I change any of it??? No! It's defined me as to whom I am today! As it has you x

My life has been horrendous, from Day one   I just wish I had been given more guidance at the beginning. I always wanted to be a teacher, but could never find the right subject. Helping others with problems would be my dream. x

Phone me! I feel a double disclosure session coming on! Xx

Will ask you though t Bloody phone! I do ask you to Google **** though! You will understand where I come from. Xxx

Thank you x

What for??? Trusting you ? No thanks are required! I know you fully understand me now! xxxxx

I haven't had much trust in my life. My hope had nearly gone. I still can't quite believe it atm. Still paranoia. .x

I understand that fully! But; your an honest person! You are going to fill my shoes within our area when you are able too! Our area needs you! Xxxxx

I had an email. Cheered me up... I'll send

And! My point is!!!!! :))) xxxx

I miss my volunteers! X

They are and always will be there for you! X

Your plight? What about leaving oxfam..x

Mmmmm! Did you grass me up to B by any chance??? Just had her on the phone too me! Telling me to become a union rep! So she can take me bus the HR route???? X

No, too scared to talk to anyone. Me bus the hr route...lol...What ya mean! x

B has just been on the phone to me! Stressing I become a unite representative then if needs be I can to my cidf qualification! Adamant I don't "leave" the organisation! ? x

Ah...Then she thinks a lot of you. You have no reason to leave. You know that! x

I know! I had no plans on leaving! But feel a tad penned in! ? xx

why? you are doing what u love. Think of those you have helped and who need help in future! x

I know! But also I think/see your progression! You will step in too my size 4n a half's in no time! xx

I need to make a decision first. I love Oxfam, but no other job has put me through this. x

But tbh! No other job has been oxfam! I can honestly say, I'd never of stayed in this mayhem and mischief if it hadn't of been oxfam! X Ps.... Will add oxfam are everywhere! How the heck did B know I was uncertain as to what my future held within the organisation??? X

D has said he is worried for my welfare. Not sure it's best to go back after such a bad time. He is just concerned. Trust again I guess! x

D needs to focus upon his own needs ! You are covered! I had a long conversation with B this afty??!?!? Where the hell that came from I'm uncertain! Both of you will be okay! I promise you that! Xxx

Look at it from my point of view. It sounds so outlandish. What other organisation would deal with things like this.. I am not u. I admire you and would aspire to be u. I just wish i could see an answer! x

Ok; look at it from another prospective! I'm so fortunate to work with people/colleges like you! Xx Ps B has said she would support me via a union rep' then she will cherry pick me off, when I'm ready. But I won't be ready to leave until you are well enough to fill my shoes xx B told me to speak to MM?? She does the bulletin; she is awaiting my contact! Wtf??!? Some one has spoken in my behalf? X

Is this normal practice? Yesterday I felt damaged by V today I feel different and tomorrow different again. It is an emotional ride and I am confused. I trust you, but its all so up and down! x

Be mindful though! I'm not going anywhere until you are well I can't! It's just the way it is xx It is up and down, you are bipolar! It's a "roller-coaster" but I get that! You know I get that! There are people coming into your life; and those that have always been there I add! That get that ! The only difference this time; is you really are not alone! Xx

I know. But I am nothing. I am not special. Trust is so hard, I don't want to be here again x

Actually I should rephrase that!!! You are Luke, a loving caring intelligent individual, that has a condition called bipolar! X Just stop that! You are not "special"!!! You are! Look what you've over come! You've stared dispair, isolation, depression in the face! You've beat those bad arse demons! You are Luke! You are special! X Ps that's a capital X I add!

I don't quite get it yet! x

Because you are the face of oxfam x

I'm scared of veronica, big time! x If veronica had a bad childhood and abuse, I'm not sure I want her to suffer any more, despite everything. I don't know what would happen to her. She was so nice once. I would love to do what you do, but how many more veronicas are there. x

Penny's words are in light green script, mine are in dark blue!  These are online messages, sent in real time, so the grammar, punctuation, will not be perfect!  I have used single capital letters to keep the names of those involved confidential!

14/06/2015 

I honestly believe that head office haven't said anything to her. Almost certain she hasn't even mentioned it too them. I believe this has been said of her own back. I don't think she really understands how to manage people. She truly has destroyed our area; our managers are deflated, unsupported, working to unachievable targets. Hours have been cut; look at D's shop, before she took him on, it used to be Sue and Julia. Both full time; now their is un-experienced young man treading water constantly. Does she support him? No! Look at your shop; the incident with. R; did she address that? No it's been left unresolved! Now look at how D is struggling; all the nonsense that's going on there. Has she actually resolved anything? No It quite simply reminds me of the incident I had to help with in Lymington shop. Bullying; M didn't know how to deal with it; language barriers; so she asked me. I involved B, much to V annoyance why? That's what B is there for; she was furious at V for making me conduct this disciplinary. So in short; I really do not believe that head office would ever act in such an inappropriate manner, by suggesting an Area manager ignores all policies and procedures regarding disciplinary and just go ahead and "sack the lot of them" really? Would a global organisation honestly risk their reputation on the say so of an incompetent failing area manager?? I find that hard to believe. Going forward.... She is due to speak with them all tomorrow I believe? I'd ask for clarification as to what was said by head office; I really would advise D to contact his union. This woman really does need to be stopped; I would also contact B and ask for her advice. Xx
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Can I ring u quickly please x

Yes x 

Ok just spoke to D . He says he can't deal with this bullying cus he will be sacked. H threatened to put him in the boot of his car and take him to the forest. Said he knows where we live and will kill our cats and the phrase why has H killed you D. This is psychotic. I am scared. I think we should go to the police. All too much to comprehend. Not sure if u knew these things. He is such a state...x

I going to go and see him tomorrow. Neither of them are in tomorrow; so hopefully will be any to list down everything that's gone on over a period of months. x 

I was bullied by a guy called G about two years ago. He was constantly messaging Veronica about me. V told me it had been going on for months. I confided in G, I thought was a friend about the suicide. The whole shop new when I got back. It was dreadful. V told me in a meeting with B, because of the constant calls it was slander and bullying. It is a classic sign of victimisation. G was immediately dismissed. H is constantly messaging her, like G. Classic signs. I do not understand why she can;t see this. I had right on my side and full support of B and V. Why hasn't D. I am at a loss. The more I think, the more I realise there is a bullying culture at play. Soz, had to mention. x

V was relatively "new" to our area at the time; she was keen and eager to make her stamp. Fast forward a few years; we no longer have B; her area is failing, she's lost interest. V is panic "hiring" managers, which aren't supported or trained to manage extreme teams of people. R was able to do this, and E; as they had the skills to support and train new managers. Her failings at managing the whole situation and if I'm honest, the area as a whole. Are greatly emphasised in her inability, to deliver support; training and guidance to her staff team. I do not feel it's a "reflection" of anyone individual. Each and every incident of; bullying, victimisation, missed target, un-taken holiday leave, not including each member of staff, that works above and beyond their hours! This merely shows her lack of skills. No more no less.. xx • 15 June

Penny I can't cope with this. I need to talk to someone urgently. I fear I may relapse. Don't tell D. The more I think the more it hurts. I wasn't there for him. He suffered alone. Urgently need to speak to someone, even B. Deep despair..x

Can I phone the police. It is all so sick. I need to make my voice herd. X

I have spoken to Bipolar helpline. They have told me what to do and I am safe. They said I need to speak to someone in authority it will ease the threat of relapse. Just don't tell D. They are in touch and looking out for me. I can deal with that atm. I am strong. I have stayed silent for too long..x

15/06/2015

They suggested canceling wedding. Too much right now. I am sad about it but they r right x

​Helpline phoned again. We are breathing heavily down the phone at each other. Working tho. They said once I say what I need to, it will pass. If u trust B, I really need to speak first thing. I will just state what it true. She always seemed fair. I need to get some answers. Why has he been left to a bunch of bullies, especially after he was attacked, threatened with dismissal, belittled and violated. This is not right. B knows the bulling signs. I am so insenced. Don't get pissed off with me, this is just a very warped situation. I cant comprehend it...x

contacted B

Hi B It's Luke here, Manager of shop f4110. I really need to talk to someone I trust urgently. confidentially. I have been ill for several months and need some urgent advice. Penny urged me to contact you and feels you would be able to help. I really hope I am doing the right thing. I have no where to turn. My number is 07939970*** Best regards Luke

Can you get B to ring me urgently. I have taken advice and been told to ring the police about the threats, as part of a sustained bullying campaign. I want to inform her first. Everyone else is incapable of listening.x

Stop! Both of you are safe right now! You have not slept; I have just read your messages. You are at risk of becoming manic. Please try and rest, just briefly. Why? You need to be stable and well for people to listen and believe you. D is safe, H regardless of what he says; will not harm him. He is not in today; i am going to see him today, I am going to help him record everything that has gone on. I am then go to ensure he goes sick, think logically, if he is home with you, he is safe. Re: the wedding, what is left to do? Do you have help and support with the last bits and bobs? Myself? I wouldn't cancel it; why? Then H has won! Both of us need to support D, you silently. Myself I will be his voice, he will be heard!! I promise you will all sincerity.... D will be heard; this will stop! I just wish you knew me, as well as he does, to trust me. I will not let H harm him. There is no way I would ever let that happen; D knows this... Please please try and rest, do you have anything at home that you can take to bring you down? I am so concerned for you, reading through your messages, you are at risk of becoming unwell. Please try and think logically, H is not there today, I will be there!

Penny's words are in light green script, mine are in dark blue!  These are online messages, sent in real time, so the grammar, punctuation, will not be perfect!

11 May 2015

Its been so emotional today. I have cried so much. I have had to make my life so public, just because of what others have done to me. No dignity left, but yes, the truth is important! x​

My dear sweet friend, it is a grieving process. It's about letting go; of lies, pain, dishonesty, and deceit. People have harmed you so deeply in the past, it really has been a deep seated emotional scar you've hidden for so many years. You have such a higher level of dignity, far greater than you could ever of imagined, from those that truly care for you. Once you have written all that needs to be written, you will feel such an amazing sense of calm, love and sincerity. Be strong, this emotion that you are feeling now will pass. You will reflect and feel such a sense of achieve from this. xxx

14 May 2015

Sending you lots of love and massive hugs for today. xxxxx

28/05/2015 

I haven't popped up or spoken to you in a while.. But having just read your latest blog; what can I say??? Oh my goodness!!! I am so proud of you Luke. Look how far you have come; in such a short while. Thank you for "trusting" me, when I passed on your message. You could of dismissed as some sort of "fruit cake" but you didn't. Thankfully you understood what was being said and maybe not at the time; but I know now, you fully understood the "truth" aspect of what was being said too you. Love and light to you my dear friend xxx

13/06/2015 

Hi Penny...I am not sure what to do. Darrell is in tears nearly every day. It seems he is being bullied, but no one is listening. He feels he has no where to go. Head Office has said he should be sacked and he can't go there. Veronica will not listen. He has no where to go. What the fuck is supposed to happen? Sorry just do not know what to do! X​

Don't apologise! I have spoken to him, and suggested contacting his union; failing that the other alternative is to "whistle blow" V is treading a very thin line suggesting head office has told her to dismiss 3 members of staff. We both know that's not the correct practice for her to undertake. Is he ok now? I've spoken to him this morning; he appeared a little better afterwards? Just re-iterate to him; he's not responsible for his managers failings. I'm always on the other end of the phone etc.. If either of you need me. Xx​

I'm on Karl's anti- bullying policy now x
Can either of you get onto Karl from home? If you can go into the anti-bullying procedure. V needs to get her arse in gear. Darrell needs to lodge a formal bullying complaint xx​

Not sure what D will do. It can't go on. He is getting lower and lower each day and I am worried for him. I don't want him flying off the handle. Why weren't these problems sorted at the beginning. He is worried about the being sacked thing and feels backed into a corner. That shop has always had a bully culture. It surprises me more people haven't complained about H. I have in the past and it gets no where. Very sticky situation. Not the Oxfam I used to know. X
​
No oxfam has changed; for the worse i fear! But then I think alot of that is down to V. If it gets any worse for D; may I ask you inform me please? I will whistle blow on his behalf! But I will need factual info etc.. There's no way I intend to sit back and allow him to feel like this; it's not right! The main issue is V's lack of skills; people management skills! There was never this issue with R or E. Yes both had their faults, but always were there for their team. Sadly I think that she lacks x
​
I will let u know. He has never had to deal with this before. Something needs to be done. He looks so drawn and ill. D is a good person and he has been treated so badly. He cries every day. He is getting no support and atm I just see him getting to the point of no return. He tried to protect someone and is now suffering also. I am strong enough to deal with my stuff now, he is not. This has gone on too long. He told me how much he loved his job but is being forced to leave. I have told him to get out. He is so unhappy and I am fearful. What a mess. With the threat of dismissal he feels he has no one to turn too. Terribly sad...x

Right step dissociate yourself from D. Look at this through a bystanders perspective would you view this as sexual harassment; due to him being gay? Would you view the "bullying" as deep seated? Would you say his manager; is unable to address this, purely as he is gay? Would this be different if it was a "woman" It's hard for both of you at the moment; you can not deal with this; you have your own needs to address! There's no shame in that either! X I will support D as much as he allows me too. I won't allow this too continue for much longer! Yes D is a fabulous individual; but that's not what is under question here. V's inability to manage her staff is what is under question. No more no less! xx​

What I ask of you; is to give factual information and details times dates etc... I will compose a formal complaint/ or whistle blow, this! I have no intention of letting D suffer any further! He is far to kind, sincere, genuine individual to suffer this treatment! x

As for you my friend! Well this is too much for you to contend with! You have been so poorly; you should not have to deal with this alone. Pass it over to me please? I ask you focus on your needs; no-one else's; merely your own xx
And before anyone suggests you're being selfish! No you're merely recognising your needs! How can you be of any help to anyone if your are unable to help/understand what you need x​

All I know is D is being bullied. I have seen him like this once before and he was going through hell then. There is no shame in admitting it as he has done. The trouble is evidence. D hates confrontation and he breaks down at the first sign of it. Because of Head Offices dismissal recommendation he feels he has no where to go. Do they not understand that if u r being bullied you will react in this way. I know he just needs support. He now feels ashamed of himself and who he is because of certain remarks but he has no proof. I thought about whistle blowing myself. I just can't watch him disintegrate. This is the first time he has mentioned bullying because he was fearful of others reactions and not being believed...x​

Dates comments etc.. Is all I need! We both know that head office; do not suggest "sacking" the lot of them! X
I downloaded and emailed him the anti bullying policy earlier has he read it yet? X​
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If you are agreeable, your help is greatly needed right now. I am trying to help but my situation prevents it atm. Will send dates etc tomorrow. He has sent you details of past week. X

Thank you! It's a hard one; I feel so deeply for both of you. For different reasons I add, D knows me; I'd fight his corner regardless! He knows that. As for yourself; I can see beyond all your your meant! You have such a kind sincere heart; I couldn't/wouldn't turn my back on you. Honestly please please please don't fear! I will step in now; I've asked D on numerous occasions, but am mindful he's a newish manager in situ, if he needed help. I didn't/ wouldn't want to undermine him at all. So hence my hesitation on acting on his behalf. But enough is enough! He is a brilliant manager; the fault does not lay with him. It lays with our area manager! xx

Pps! I will now add; my best friend is very high up in unison! I have spoken to him regarding both of your plights! Needless to say; V is in far to deep to recover from this! X

Your your? Blooming phone! I can see beyond all of your illness! In short..... All that party animal, glitz glamour etc... Underneath all of it; I see the real you! Kind, broken, sincere, loving, gentile individual that you hide! X

Thank you for that. I do like people and want to give everyone a chance in life. Something I was not given. I feel for D as he has worked damn hard with no holidays etc. He always wants to do the right thing. He needs help right now and no one is giving it to him. It is disgraceful what is going on...x

Stop right there! It's ME! You forget I know! I read you and him and well just about everyone i meet! Downside yes; but an amazing upside also! You never need to explain yourself to me; I see it. I know all about where you've been, where you're at and where you're going! xxx D needs both of us now; you need to be you, and inject that little bit of craziness into his life. I've got his back; so between both of us he will be just fine. It's hard today; not as hard as yesterday and tomorrow will be easier. I promise you;(not a statement I make lightly) I will take care of him. In return I ask you look after yourself and ensure you continue to make him smile/twinkle/ and frown with your crazy ways! Xx
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I'll do my best Penny. I am so much stronger now than before. I have certainly needed this time. D just needs help with words. He has never been good at expressing himself. One of the reasons he feels belittled by H. As a manager, I would have sorted this out from day one. He says he feels used and left to fend for himself. He just wants rid of the discrimination, racism and sexual inuendo. I'm sure I don't know everything, but he finds it difficult to speak of what has happened. Going into work everyday and hating it is awful. He does not have anyone to back him up and really it is his word against everyone elses, this is the real problem. H and S are good at twisting stuff. He is not used to that. He is maybe too honest and that is the worry. I wish he had spoken up earlier, but really, who would have listened. It is shameful this happens at Oxfam and people are getting away with it. When u are up against a large organisation, you can feel powerless. D is a grafter and has kept that shop open against all the odds and now he is treated like the person in the wrong. There seems to be a culture of bullying in this region and it has never been addressed, that is a hard thing to say. This never used to happen, why now? Is it me and D being singled out here, or are there others. It beggars belief! x

No it's our area manager' no more no less! Sadly I have too say she isn't the person that should be representing this organisation. I know D is honest; I see it. This will resolve itself please try not to worry. Please focus on getting yourself well. D will be fine: he honest and truthful! This will all come to an end; not right now, but soon xx

I am really well now tbh. Felt a bit groggy on the new meds for a bit, but they seem to be doing their job and I'm feeling better and better. I have told V I am more or less ready to return to work, but what the hell will I be walking back into. Things have changed dramatically, just in the last two months. I have been thinking of dropping anything with R, so I can fully support D. I can handle him now anyway. I don't want his head on a platter anyway. There are far more serious things going on with D. I had no idea of the extent, so I am a little shell shocked by it all. It made me feel quite, well really down today, which isn't good on new meds, but I'm knocking myself out of it. D just needs to think, what he wants out of all this. Bullying is a very sensitive thing. The pills I take remove my empathy to a large extent, as well as make me forget things. I don't like that, but I have to live with it. It's why I hate being heavily medicated. D is a shell of his former self atm, since he was told of Head Offices recommendations. He is finding it hard to deal with. He is in fear of making the wrong move every day. He is anxious and a nervous wreck. Head Office should be is next port of call, but after the threat of dismissal, that is out of the question. He cried earlier over it and said how trapped he felt. I have never seen him like that and it scares me. He tried to do the right thing only to be the subject of an investigation himself. I have dealt with disciplinaries myself in the past but I have not come across this kind of behaviour. Sorry to off load all this, but I am getting things across in a way, I know D finds hard. I fear ultimately, he will not be working for Oxfam for much longer, whatever happens. He cried about that too. It was a job he loved and gave him self worth. He gave 110 percent for nothing. It is hard for me biting my tongue atm, as I always tell it how it is, but I am holding off for both our sakes. This is just far too messy and I don't like it. I have never dealt with this and just wish it would go away. It goes against everything I believe and Oxfam stands for. Both our Worlds have been turned up side down. Totally deflated and disempowered, not good. Much love to you for helping, you didn't have to. So much respect for everything you are doing. I spoke to another Manager during the week, who is upset and going over V's head now. She feels victimised and totally upset. Everything is just horrible. Not used to any of it. Very upsetting! Thank you, much love Luke x

​Penny's words are in light green script, mine are in dark blue!
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28 April 2015

Concentration is a real problem. I haven't sat down and watched a film for many years. I just can't do it. On top of Bipolar it is a real pain for normality and relaxation..x

I think possibly you've been trying "to hard". I gave Darrell a list of things on how to meditate last night. Your main focus should be your breathing, and slowing it down. When thoughts come into your head, recognise, and then let them drift away. Try not to focus on them, it will become easier for you. 

6 May 2016

Omg!!! I have just read it! You truly understood what was being said! I could just hug you so tightly now. Did you google what 24 meant? I did! If not go check it out xxxxx Ps. I am and always will be here for you x

Hi Penny. I'll google it now. I always try and understand! x

It's as if it was written for you x This was the link I read x sacredscribesangelnumbers.blogspot.com

Really...I'll look now! x

x

10 May 2016

Hey you! I hope that you had an amazing day yesterday, filled with love and laughter! xxxx

Hey sweet. I had a great time. Darrell is worrying me ATM with this Kate thing. I have no idea what to say. I really hope v sorts this ASAP...x

Luke don't worry about it, there is nothing you can do to resolve it for him. V is going to extend her probation period, I can only assume she is doing that; to gather evidence to not offer her an open ended contract. I watched her do it with 1 of the deputies at Winchester std shop. Darrell has told her everything that has gone on, as well as HR so, as long as he stands his ground, holds his nerve it will be resolved. You my sweet friend, should not worry, think, stress about it. You need to focus on you at the moment. xx

I read a friends hand last night. It was really upsetting. There was a family history of suicide. He was also resting with suicide himself. I told him he got very upset but said it was all true. He thanked me for telling him. I'll send you his message. I cried.

Bless you! But... You actually reached out and helped him. What an amazing gift to bestow on a friend xx What a truly heart felt beautiful message. xxxx

But having said that; it was well deserved. I think with the past few years, you lost touch of who you really were. So many people came into your life under false pretences. But thankfully, I know that the dark cloud they bestowed upon you, is slowly beginning to lift. Reflect upon last night, love and laughter embraced you. No drama, no ulterior motives from those that felt honoured to celebrate your birthday with you. I sense a feeling of love, warmth, sincerity and calmness. What a beautiful place to be within the heart of my friend. Enjoy, embrace and cherish the wonderful emotions those close to you, feel about you. x

It's hard to really describe the "pain" you feel when you read someone. You do find that people who "put on a show" only do it to hide their true feelings. But he was sent to you for a reason, the same as I was sent to you. Because you know, you feel, you truly understand; you do have a wonderful gift, use it wisely, freely, and with love and sincerity. It will never fail you, you will learn to understand it greater than you do now. It takes time, but it's worth all the effort; as it truly does change your life. X

Remember; always listen to your inner voice, it guides you, it protects you, it defines you from everyone else x

I'll try. Trouble is you continue to worry for fear of saying wrong thing. X

No, you will be guided. People are shocked at first; yes as they look at you as if your a stalker! But them reality steps in, they know you know. There are plenty of things I could of said about your Nan, but I was quite tactful, and said she had done my head in. She was relentless, used to getting her own way, quite spoilt to a degree. But I was guided to say, she had a strong opinion, strong willed strong character etc.. Get my drift? 

So much so; she even had an opinion on what I wore! Lol flat shoes weren't for her liking! 

You say whatever u have too. I know how dominant she was and she caused a lot of pain also, but it also made her contact you. By reading others it is strangely making me stronger if a bit emotional. I had never seen hands like this it was very scary, but I knew he was close to the end 

Trust in yourself Luke, you are truly gifted my friend. Have you posted a photo for Sally to read yet? I haven't said anything to her, as I wanted her to read you as I do. She is very good, but she usually charges, which doesn't sit well with me. I know you understand that more so after reading your friends palm last night. How can you charge for that? That's why I don't tell many people. I do have the ability to read Auras, which you have as well, but I suspect you've never been shown how to. So I am fortunate in the respect I can see who to approach and who to avoid. xx

I haven't yet. What do I have to do? X

The best way to do it when your learning, is too use a plain white or black back ground. Focus your eyes just past your hand. You know when you see heat rising off a road surface, it's hazy? That's what you need to latch on to. Don't look directly at your hand; just past the tips of your fingers. Once you latch on to it; you will start to see a colour, that's your Aura. The more you practise, the easier it becomes. Xx

Ok thank you. I'll try it. I'll let you know. Different colours mean different things I guess..x

Yes, once you've seen it you can't help but not see Auras. But it's a beautiful gift, you know who to stay away from xx Anyone with a dark grey Aura, avoid. White is protection from guides. Pink is love, red is a deep anger, blue is healing, unless it's very dark,( that's negativity) green is learning, yellow is money, orange is calmness xx

Ok ill try it later. Loads of writing first. Stuff to say again...lol..x

Forgot the most important one of all! Purple is spirituality, a person with a purple Aura is a gifted medium xx See; it's the need to speak the truth, the truth that's within you. The truth will heal you and set you free; remember truth is where the light is, the light that will always protect you. xx