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From a new life in spain, to an old life in britain, 'roaming brit' documents uncertain times!

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On 31st January 2016, my partner and I left Southampton to start a new life as Expats in Gran Alacant, on the Costa Blanca. This blog will document our journey, as we navigate the Spanish system, travelling a path untried and untested. With Brexit looming, political turmoil in Europe and an unpredictable future, harsh decisions have to be made. Illness, family bonds and a Change of heart all make for challenging times in a life of a 'Roaming Brit!'

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Celebrating Eight Years of Blogging!

8/4/2023

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Eight years ago, I was trying to make sense of traumatic events that were shaping my world. 2015 was not the greatest year of my life, but it was, however, one that would teach me much about people and the lengths they will go to, to cause harm to others. Darrell and I went through a torrid time; abused and attacked by people we thought were friends and colleagues, we made a life-changing decision to leave Britain and restart our life far away from the nightmare engulfing our every waking hour.

We both had good jobs, worked hard, and did our best to help others when we could. We had a lot of people around us, some good, some bad, but as we stumbled through that painful thing called life, we felt happy and secure with the characters that made up our close circle of friends. These were positive people in the main, and as our circumstances changed, and my health began to suffer, we were lucky enough to have the support of some truly amazing individuals.

It was difficult to understand what was happening to me, and even harder to determine just who to trust. I was aware that something strange was happening, but I just couldn’t understand what. Writing down my thoughts and feelings, was a way of coming to terms with situations that were beyond my control. It allowed me to express my emotions in a way I wouldn't otherwise have been able to. The turmoil that was overwhelming me, was difficult to fathom, but by documenting events, I could begin to discover the reasons behind my immense feeling of sadness.

I have written much about that time in 2015 - not all of it legible, much of it rambling, and all of it difficult to reread. The bullying that made me who I am today, had been methodically collated in abraded unedited paragraphs, that painted a picture of mistreatment and intimidation. Even today, I haven’t read my original blog; the trauma I suffered is just too recent, and the effects too raw.

The decisions Darrell and I made in 2015 were the catalyst for a journey we are both still on today. After a life spent together in the UK, we decided to sell up, move away and leave Britain for good. After our marriage in September 2015, we embarked on a new life in Spain, and the darkness that surrounded my first blog all but disappeared. I continued to write about the confusing occurrences, that prompted our departure with gusto, but my melancholia had turned into anger and rage at what had happened. In beautiful, idyllic surroundings, I was able to sit with a clear head, and finally understand just what brought me to Spain.

Spain was an enlightening experience, it finally gave me a reason to live again. I was the happiest I had been in a long time and the stress and depression of 2015 gradually began to diminish and dwindle, finally subsiding into obscurity, as my new life in Gran Alacant became my priority.

Writing about my adventure on the Costa Blanca became a cleansing and cathartic exercise. Each day, I wrote about the mundane aspects of Spain, the cost of living, friends and the milestones that became so important, as I integrated into Expat life. Even when Darrell had to return home to Australia, while his Mother went through treatment for cancer, I still wrote - engaging, contented words linked to a country and a dream I could finally call home. This was the most free I had felt in years, and I was finally doing what I wanted, not what others expected me to do.

Our Spanish dream was not meant to be, and I was just grateful to have lived there, for as long as I did. As Darrell's Mother got worse and my Mum was taken into hospital, we left Gran Alacant, Darrell returning to Australia, me moving in with my Aunt in the UK, to be close to my Mum during the final years of her life. I was back in a Country I despised, but surrounded by loved ones, and I made the most of what I had left.

I spend four productive years in Portsmouth, surviving against all the odds, building up a substantial amount of money during the pandemic and working in a job I loved. Even while working, often long unsociable hours, I was able to keep writing and documenting some truly historic times. The streets were empty, businesses were closed, and I explored a city I knew little about, despite being born there in 1971.

The years I spent with family were bitter-sweet. In the main, they were good; I got to know my Aunt and Cousins well and loved every minute I spent with them. All of them gave me a reason to live, especially when Darrell was trapped in Australia at the height of the pandemic. I celebrated some important landmarks with my kin folk, my 25th wedding anniversary and my 50th Birthday and despite the sadness I felt, not having Darrell with me, I was content with family who supported and loved me.

Like most good things in life, times changed, and the fruitful, hard-working period I enjoyed in Portsmouth turned sour. Suddenly, the people I loved were no longer there. Affection turned to hate and resentment and by the time Darrell returned to the UK, my days in Portsmouth were already numbered. Once again, my blogging turned dark as unhappiness and dejection became the prominent feature in my life. It was time to move on and leave the past behind. Even the ones you love the most can hurt you, but I wasn’t in the mood for forgiveness, and I am glad to be away from people who made my final months in the UK some of the most hurtful and miserable in my life.

Of course, it didn’t all end so badly; I made some amazing friends in Portsmouth who will always be with me. They were the saving grace and a reason to write happy and uplifting thoughts, even during the most upsetting of times. The closing few weeks before we left for Australia were filled with love, laughter and unforgettable memories; everything else didn’t matter any more. We could leave with our heads held high on the final leg of our eight-year journey and a desire to finally be free.

When faced with unsurmountable challenges, Darrell and I always walk away. Both of us hate confrontation and with the stability that kept us together as a family crumbling, it was once again time to say goodbye. Australia is the final stop on a deeply personal and challenging eight years. When I decided to start blogging in 2015, I could never have predicted where I would be today. In April 2023, Darrell and I are living the quiet life down under; both of us have fantastic jobs and have bought a new home together. As our eyes look towards the future, I remember the immortal words I wrote all those years ago ‘ live life better, achieve everything you desire and don’t let the bad times destroy your future.’ We have done this unreservedly and continue to strive for prosperity in this unforgiving World!

... And finally, I would like to wish all my readers a very happy Easter, and thank you for your continual support!

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Settling into Expat life, in Gran Alacant!

5/1/2023

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Walking down Heart Attack Hill!
We had a house full of furniture and two cats to bring from the UK, to our new home in Gran Alacant.  The easiest option for us, was for Jamie and me to fly from Southampton Airport and for Darrell and close friend Dale to drive from Britain, down through France, into Spain and onto the Costa Blanca; two days in a van with me, Darrell and the cats, was likely to end in bloodshed otherwise.

This was a journey that took Dale and Darrell several days to complete. In France, halfway through the journey, they stopped at a cat friendly hotel and rested as long as they could, before completing the journey. When they arrived, it was a frantic few days of unpacking, before Darrell dropped off the van in Alicante, and we could finally start to live our lives, far away from the troubles of the past.

Sitting in the tiny lounge, surrounded by boxes, slightly shivering on a cold February day, I remember how happy I was to finally be away from Britain. Our last few months there were not the best, and Spain was just the new start all of us needed. None of us knew the area at all, so once Dale had left for the UK, the three of us began to explore our new home of Gran Alacant.

The 'Rehab,' or 'Recovery train,' (recovering from life in The UK) was our first venture into this quiet urbanisation. This miniature train, on wheels, would circumnavigate Gran Alacant several times a day, and we could hop on and off as and when we liked. After a particularly wobbly walk down Heart Attack Hill, to Molly Malone's Irish Pub, the first pub we visited in GA and one of our favourite haunts, We caught the train, just outside the bar and travelled the short distance to the Centro Commercial. This modern town had everything you could need, including several supermarkets, Mercadona and Lidl, the obligatory tobacconist, where I would by my Mojito flavoured cigarettes at 4.35€ a packet, half the price they were in the UK, and of course plenty of bars and restaurants.

Barloko, as it was named then, was situated at the top of the main shopping centre and during our first few weeks we went there several times. We hadn't yet found our own neighbourhood local, Sierra Mar, which was actually hidden away in a small gated community, down the bottom of a rather steep incline, a few minutes from our house in Calle Canarias.

At Barloko, or Roger's bar as we liked to call it, we met many of the locals at this popular venue and of course the amazing Roger himself, who was always a friendly face, even when things weren't going our way. He would often sit and chat with us, explain a bit about Gran Alacant and help us find our way around. Roger is one of those characters you just can't forget, and it was always lovely to see him.

We also spent a lot of time in Alicante itself, just a forty-five-minute bus journey away. This cultured city, full to bursting with architectural wonders, a beautiful castle and our favourite part, the marina, was just what we needed to get over the UK. It was a World away from the drudgery of Britain and even in winter, we could sit in our preferred venue of choice, 'Soho Mar,' just passing the time of day, forgetting our worries and feeling every bit like we were on holiday.

Of course, we weren't on vacation, we were there to start a new life in the sun and by the beginning of March, it was time to start building a future, and looking for work in Gran Alacant.

Out of the three of us, I was the first person to find a job in GA, at 'The Easy Horse Care' Charity shop in Plaza Mayor, at the bottom of Heart Attack Hill, a fifteen-minute walk from Carabassi. I worked several days a week and was paid a small wage to keep me going while I looked for something more permanent. The charity did what it said on the tin, rescuing horses and donkeys in the local area; this magnificent shop, consisting of furniture on one level and clothing above, was my first real foray into the neighbourhood of Gran Alacant. At first, I was a bit dubious about taking on the position, after my bad experience working for a charity in the UK, but my reluctance soon passed, as I made friends, worked hard and began to integrate into a community that welcomed me with open arms.

The Charity shop opened my eyes to the well established Expat community, and it wasn't long before I began to venture out more and more. Sierra Mar, was a short walk from my house on the hill, so I wandered down to this friendly square whenever I had the chance. It wasn't long before 'Zest,' a newly opened bar, became my second home. Lee and Brett were the perfect hosts and always welcoming, as were Steve and Paul behind the bar. Along with Aunty Pam, who cooked the best comfort food and was always free for a hug or two, they soon became akin to family in Spain; these were familiar faces in an unfamiliar World. When confronted with a new beginning, it is important to find your niche, somewhere to feel relaxed and at home and for me at least, Zest was it.

It wasn't long before I got to know the locals and when Darrell was called away to Australia, a few months after we arrived, these were the people that got me through. Darrell's Mother was diagnosed with cancer in 2016, and although we didn't know it then, our time would be cut short in Spain because of her illness. With Darrell travelling back and forth to Perth, I made the best of a bad situation. Settling into life in Gran Alacant was the most important factor, in me staying there for as long as I did. Had it not been for my Mother in law's illness, in all probability we would still be there now.

Of course, part of settling into a new neighbourhood is establishing lasting friendships. Luckily I met long term friends Andy and Katie, who lived just around the corner from me and then there was Paul and Michelle, who were instrumental in making me feel a part of their lives, especially when Darrell wasn't there. It is true to say I went into myself a lot more and became very withdrawn at times, but when you see your dream ebbing away, it is all you can do to cope with the changing landscape.

Gran Alacant was an easy place to settle down, it had everything I ever wanted and more - people I cared about, a community of like-minded individuals, helpful friends and local residents, and the perfect location on the Costa Blanca that worked for us. It wasn't in the throng of Benidorm, it offered a more relaxed place to live, but with a busy social scene that came into its own, especially at night, making you feel you were actually somewhere bigger. With so many nationalities living in one place, it was the best choice for us, and I am so glad we lived there, even if it was for only a few years. The memories I made, and the friends I still have today, are a tribute to the place I was honoured to call home, and a fitting homage to the Expat community who looked out for me, in a way nobody had done before!

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The Casa on the top of Heart Attack Hill!

2/1/2023

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We must have been driving around for what seemed like hours, all the while trying to find free Wi-Fi, so we could contact the letting agent; frustrated, I threw my hands in the air, in the back of the cab and asked the driver to stop and drop us off in the centre of Gran Alacant. By this time I was red with rage; no one seemed to know where the house was, and worst of all, all the bloody street names were exactly the same. What sort of place was this? Even the taxi drivers didn't know where they were.

It was early on Monday morning, the sun was shining, but it was cold, not 'British cold,' but chilly enough to shiver. Now, when one considers moving to Spain, one never actually believes it is cold in winter, but it was the 1st February and the chill was biting. Stood by the kerb side, phone in hand, frozen, tired and thoroughly fed up, I shrugged my shoulders with despair; can this day actually get any worse?

As I walked up and down the pavement I managed to get a signal, and after a bit of frantic googling, to my surprise, I discovered the real estate agent was literally just around the corner, and luckily for us, he had just opened the shop. I must have looked a right state that morning, as I traipsed in to the OP Group office with Jamie and two suitcases in tow, but as I collapsed on the chair in the office, a smile crossed my face; we had done it, finally done it, moved to Spain, away from a life that had kept us trapped for so long, and I couldn't be happier.

In the office, I took a large wad of Euro's out of my handbag and handed them to the gentleman behind the desk, apparently this is how they like to do business in Spain. Cash was king and to be honest, I was finally relieved to offload it. Luckily for me, the contract was in Spanish and English and seemed self-explanatory, but then I never bothered to read the small print anyway, just wanting to get to the house and finally start to unpack!

Our Agent was English, having moved to Spain with his Spanish wife, and he was pretty knowledgeable about the area, full of useless information and the odd word of advice. Right from the get go, I realised this place was going to be very different to what I imagined, and I could tell an element of 'ducking and diving' was called for. Nevertheless, this wasn't Britain, and I didn't really care how challenging the next few weeks would be, I was just glad to be in Spain, a country where Darrell and I had always wanted to live.

The drive to our casa in Calle Canarias was short, probably about ten minutes, but it was up hill all the way. We drove through most of Gran Alacant on route to the house, and the views were spectacular, as far as the eye could see. Turning left at Sierra Mar Square, we drove the short distance to where we would be living. Up until now, we had only seen a photograph on a web page. Heading down a small side road, we arrived at the top of 'Heart Attack Hill,' appropriately named by the local Expat community. Our casa sat proud on the left-hand side, overlooking Carabassi and Alicante beyond. As he stopped the car, still nattering away, I was struck by the most awesome view I had ever seen. Opening the car door, gingerly walking towards the wooden fence, the only barrier between us and death, I stood there for several minutes, just looking out at the vista before me and fell immediately in love.

Through the gate and up to the front door, we walked inside the small terrace house, or quad as they are called, with a tiny backyard, no bigger than a cupboard and a smell of damp like you wouldn't believe. The agent said an airing would sort that out, but I seriously had me doubts. There was no central heating, insulation or ventilation; the windows were single glazed and the floors were marble; the house was colder, than anything I had lived in before.

After saying goodbye to the agent, practically throwing him out the door, still talking away, we started to explore, what little there was to explore. Essentially we were living in a two up, two down, which was a lot smaller than I was used to. The saving grace was the rooftop solarium, which took two flights of stairs to reach. As I pushed open the door at the top of the house, a freezing cold gust of wind nearly blew me off my feet. Once again I stood there aghast at the stunning, panoramic views; this time I could see right out towards the sea. The stale, mouldy odour throughout the house paled into insignificance as I took it all in. Despite its many faults, this house at the top of Heart Attack Hill felt like home already, and I was happy and content in a way I hadn't been before, living in Britain!

We lived in the house for a little over a year, by which time, the novelty of the views had really worn off. In winter the windows leaked like a sieve and I would often come home to a deluge in the lounge. The mattress in the front bedroom was so damp, it had to be replaced, and the condensation was horrendous. Worst of all however was the freezing cold winters, of which we saw two. The lack of heating was so bad, I walked around with a duvet wrapped around me and our two cats, Precious and Lily, wouldn't leave my side, draining my body heat away faster, than I could make it. This was like living in the UK, back at a time before central heating and double glazing, akin to my childhood in 1970s Britain.

Despite this, the summer was amazing, hot, up to 45 degrees, but with each small urbanization having its own swimming pool, it was easy enough to cool down. My enduring memory, will be the amount of times I climbed up and down that mountain to get to the bars in Carabassi, no wonder it was called Heart Attack Hill. Climbing back to the top, filled with cheap Spanish beer, was always a challenge, especially on one notorious evening where I stumbled and fell, hitting my head on the edge of the chasm, waking up moments later half hanging over the edge. Just one step closer and I would have been a gonna.

One of the locals said to me one evening, after a few too many sherbets, that the amount of people who went missing in the mountains around Gran Alacant was incalculable. Of course, I didn't believe a word of it, as they winked, just before my expedition back up the hill. It was a reminder, however, of just how different this place was, and as much as I complained about it at the time, today that tiny little casa has more memories within its four walls, than I would have collected in a lifetime. This house will always be a part of me and vice versa, and I look forward to the day when I can finally visit Gran Alacant once again. As humans, we do form emotional attachments to homes, and despite moving over thirty times since 1992, my first Casa in Spain is the one I will remember most. It was a brutal introduction to Spanish life, but it was also a positive one. When I dream of Gran Alacant, I dream of the house on Heart Attack Hill; memories that will live on in perpetuity!


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Leave to Settle in the UK!

3/2/2022

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December 2017
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February 2022
It has been a little over four years since Darrell was granted his Spanish residency in December 2017, and my God, a lot has happened since. In 2017, we were very much looking forward to our new life in Gran Alacant, enjoying living on the continent and the Spanish way of life. Today in 2022, we are firmly but in many respects reluctantly committed to settling in Britain; not what we planned, but at least we are together.

Today, Darrell received his UK settlement status for a second time, after what has been the most turbulent five years in our life. Darrell was originally given 'Indefinite Leave to Remain' in 2001, but after changes to immigration law, the introduction of a new biometrics card and dramatic changes to our circumstances, he was forced to reapply for the same status yet again. Living outside Australia for nearly two years, caring for Mum, only complicated our situation further. When one adds Brexit and a Worldwide pandemic into the mix, you can see, just how precarious our situation was.

Since his return to the UK in September, we have both been living under a cloud, not knowing if he would be allowed to live here permanently or not. However, after consulting a solicitor at great expense, we were able to establish a legal basis for settlement, and he was finally given back his right of abode. It has been a long, difficult journey getting here; despite our current situation, we are both determined to make the most of our life together and forge a future at least in part based in the UK.

Being around family has been amazing over the last four years, especially whilst living through a pandemic, it has given us both a reason to stay in this part of the World. We have grown close to our cousins and family in a way we haven't before and for that reason, I couldn't be happier. There is nevertheless a profound sense of disappointment that we couldn't continue our journey in Spain, and I will forever wonder what could have been. Despite the sadness we feel, we are both well aware of just how much the World has changed over the last two years in particular, and believe our life in Spain would have been cut short in any eventuality.

Today we both have the luxury of planning for yet another new future, whether on the south coast, or further afield in Lancashire, an area we know well. Neither of us know where life will take us from now, but we are determined to make the most of the opportunities we have and hope the next five years will be a little easier than the last!
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This is the time of year, I think about Spain the most!

10/1/2022

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It's cold, miserable, and overcast outside; this is the time of year, I think about my old home in Spain the most. I still have many regrets about this period, living in Gran Alacant and for the most part, they are all about dreams unfulfilled. I understand the reasons why I had to return to the United Kingdom in 2018, but it leaves me with an uneasy feeling, as I dream about a future, away from Britain. Living in Spain was hard in every respect, but it was also liberating, soul-searching and a time to grow into a better, more accepting individual.

Friends constantly ask if I will ever return to Spain, and it is a difficult question to answer. If the World was as it was in 2018, then the answer would be yes, without a doubt yes, yes, yes. I miss my life in Alicante greatly. It wasn't a period filled with wine on the terrace, sun-drenched beaches and colourful festivals 24/7, but it was memorable for all the right reasons. Darrell and I achieved everything we needed to in such a short space of time – we both had jobs, earned good money, became Spanish residents and felt included as part of a community, unlike any other we had experienced before. The month before I made the decision to leave, I felt the happiest I had ever felt in years. The Costa Blanca was home, I was happy to be alive and the people in my life, were generous, accepting and nurturing; in all but name, they were the family I didn't have in Britain.

As an individual, I began to appreciate the simple pleasures in life. Being around like-minded people from the expat community was a joy. Each of us had a story to tell, all living in Gran Alacant for very different reasons. It was indeed a melting pot of views and cultures, but most of us seemed to get on well. I really miss that sense of belonging, camaraderie and solidarity, something sorely lacking in the UK. I suppose, on a day like today, with the sun barely poking through, you do turn to better times; even if I didn't think it then, Spain was better in every respect. It is the people I miss the most – being able to walk out of my front door, and slowly meander down to the local square; stopping along the way, I'd pass the time of day with friends and neighbours, eventually sitting quietly in Sierra Mar Square, with a good book and glass of Vino Tinto. Untroubled in an urbanization I adored, I was content with my new life in the sun.

Today, I really do lead a busy, hectic life. I rarely sit down to blog as I would like, because I just don't have the time, and that makes me sad. In Spain, I blogged every day and always had something to say. I also had a monthly column in a magazine  and to be perfectly honest, I was achieving my dreams, in a way I hadn't before. Spain opened doors that in Britain remained closed. The informality of Gran Alacant and the relaxed lifestyle gave me time to breathe and think about life. My thoughts weren't always positive, but the fact I had time to ruminate, was a sign my life was significantly better than it was.

Like Darrell, I tend to suffer in cold weather; I hate the British winter with a passion. Having not left this country since 2019, I have become more resentful than ever at this country, that for me projects a feeling of anxiety, melancholy and depression, especially at this time of year. I am a traveller at heart and always have been, so being confined to Britain, in the middle of a pandemic, has been a dreadfully unsettling time. I am left feeling deflated, often with very little hope, wishing I had stayed firmly in Spain when I had the chance.

Brexit is also another factor that has determined our future direction. There is no chance of returning to Spain in the same way we have in the past, because we just don't have the option to do so. The laws have changed and whether we like it or not, neither of us can work to support ourselves in Europe, we have literally had our choices taken away. I was one of those idiots who voted for Brexit, and it was a huge mistake; there isn't anything I can do about that, so Darrell and I will just have to live with the consequences of my actions.

Brexit is a huge regret for me, but so is leaving Spain in the first place. Both Darrell; and I agree, that I could have stayed on in Spain when he returned to Australia, even during the pandemic, but I remain unsure about that. Britain leaving the EU and COVID-19 has changed all our lives, without exception. Despite reflecting about the amazing life I used to have on the continent, I am aware about just how difficult circumstances would have been for us, had I stayed in Gran Alacant. The hope is, we can one day live abroad, maybe not Europe, and have a similar accomplished existence. We are however realistic about the future and realise time is no longer on our side. Now in our fifties, we may just have to accept the inevitable and create our own small piece of paradise in the UK.

The month after Christmas is traditionally the most challenging time of any year. I do feel depressed and down in January, and that will not change anytime soon. Interestingly when I lived in Spain, January was no exception, I also found it the hardest month, so this probably isn't unique to Britain. Yes, I think I possibly found it easier to cope with, living in a sunnier climate. I will always have fond memories of my time in Gran Alacant, I am still in contact with many of those I met there and enjoy seeing their photographs and hearing their stories on facebook and Instagram every day. I may not be a part of their lives now, but those three years, living and working in Europe, remain firmly in my heart. They are a reminder of what life can be like, if I persevere enough and embrace another country's culture and traditions, Somewhere to spread my wings, somewhere to call home!

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June Menditta - Raising money for Cancer Research!

8/5/2021

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It has been three years since I lived in Gran Alacant, but I always keep in touch with the wonderful community on the Costa Blanca when I can. Gran Alacant was full of wonderful characters, many of whom remain friends today. One such person is June Menditta, who I have written about before. This is a lady who helped Darrell and I tremendously when we first moved to Spain in January 2016. June often posts photographs and memories from my time in GA, and I am always interested to see how she is getting on.

As a pivotal part of the Expat community, June is a big personality and has always done what she can, to help charities that she holds dear. She was always the centre of information and a 'go to' place when needing advice. She is someone I hold in the highest regard and miss terribly. June will be one of the first people I visit when I return to Gran Alacant and is a person I am glad to call a friend.

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June sent me a message the other day detailing her charitable efforts, raising money for Cancer Research, a charity I have taken to my heart back home in Britain. Her 10,000 steps a day challenge has raised 750€ for important research, with June completing a final step count of 376,824, which is a staggering 147 miles. This is an amazing achievement for June and certainly tugged at my heart strings, as I read about her endeavours.

My memories of Spain are wide and varied, but the people who live and work in Gran Alacant are always on my mind. Throughout this pandemic, I have often thought about them and the lives they have forged in Europe. The contribution Expats make to local life, wherever they are based, is often overlooked by the vast majority of the British public; most have no concept about living abroad. However, throughout Spain and beyond, there are small enclaves of British Ex patriots doing their bit to raise money for good causes, even if life is a struggle for them. The mark of true altruism, is selflessly helping those in greatest need, despite our own obligations and demanding lifestyles. The people of Gran Alacant always go that extra mile, to give back, even in an unforgiving World.


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Remembering Life in Gran Alacant - Luke Martin-Jones In Conversation!

6/2/2021

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Is Spain Really Right For Us? - The Brexit Aftermath!

2/1/2021

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I've had a number of things on my mind recently, especially over the last few days, with the dawn of Brexit. Darrell and I intended to return to Spain to live, once this pandemic is over. It is a country we both love and were proud to call it home for several happy years. I often think of my time there and the friends I left behind. Both of us worked harder than anyone to achieve our resident status, retaining our respective residency permits, even today. It does look as though Brexit may well have changed all that, and a return to our old life in Gran Alacant, is just an unobtainable dream.

After looking into the subject of residencia, it would appear our Spanish status has already lapsed, because we have been outside the country too long. This isn't entirely set in stone of course, and I have messaged a legal representative to discover if we would have to reapply for residency, or if we could carry on where we left off. Our intention was always to return one day, once our family circumstances had changed and the pandemic was over, but we just aren't sure if it is viable any more.

Both of us fought very hard for our aspirational life and neither of us want to give it up that easily, but the truth is it may not be right for us now, as it was when we left in 2016. Neither of us are getting any younger and my reliance on the National Health Service, since I returned to Britain has been palpable. I'm not sure I would be able to have access to the Spanish system in quite the same way. Navigating the health care system in Spain, was proving difficult, whilst I was living in Gran Alacant; when my social security contribution was cancelled by my employer, without informing me, I was left with little choice, but to get private health insurance, of a sort.

The expense involved for Darrell and I, having to fund my own health care, was particularly hard. Having to work in a job, that was out of my comfort zone was also difficult, especially when you have an employer who lacked the dignity, compassion and empathy of a decent organisation, with morals and a real sense of direction and purpose. Struggling on the Spanish minimum wage, having to deal with unscrupulous svengali type characters, is not something I want to have to do in my fifties.

Both Darrell and I still have our hopes for the future, and they remain very much the same as they always have done. We continue to be travellers at heart and do not want to live in the UK full time. We have never really settled anywhere, buying property in France, living in Australia and Spain as well as moving to the north. I suppose Spain became the closest to the home I have always wanted, but that's not to say we can't have that somewhere else, abroad, with a better climate, more congruous to our way of thinking.

I have a feeling that the end of Britain's membership of the EU will be the beginning of a new adventure for both of us. When things get back to normal, we will once again have to make a decision about where our future lies. Brexit may well have closed European doors, but it has opened many more as a result. There is a whole World out there and if Spain or any other Continental nation isn't a possibility, then moving further a field maybe the answer. There are many parts of the planet we haven't explored, and we may just keep travelling forever, only settling when circumstances so desire. For now all dreams are open, all destinations a probability!
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Looking To The Future!

1/12/2020

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Darrell and I have started to plan for the future, as we bid farewell to 2020. Both of us, like all of you, have had the year from hell; there has never been a better time to look forward to what comes next. I can't tell you how grateful I am, to see this year confined to the history books. This has been a time of great anxiety and stress for all of us, but especially for Darrell and I, living apart as we do, because of the circumstances that surround our life. However, this isn't a time to dwell on the past, this is most certainly a period to look forward to the future, more now, than ever before.

Both of us have a desire to reside in Europe in the long term, and that doesn't necessarily mean living in Britain. Darrell and I have remained in the UK for most of our 25 years together and when we moved to Spain in 2015, we both understood the importance of change. Our new life was supposed to be 'forever,' a choice that would allow us to finally live our dream. That desire is still there, it hasn't changed, and we still want to retain that sense of 'who we are,' - travellers, explorers and pioneers.

Looking back at my time in Gran Alacant, near Alicante, I am reminded of the mistakes we made, but encouraged by our inclination to fit into Spanish and Expat life. We eventually achieved all our goals, obtained residency and finally adjusted to our new surroundings. Just before we left, I can safely say we were happy with the path we had forged and were genuinely feeling positive, about the direction we were following. Today in 2020, I look back with fondness at the memories we made and although we had many ups and downs, for the most part, we did far better than we could have ever imagined. We began to live life again, in a way we hadn't before.

When the World returns to normal and Darrell I can be together again, I could quite happily return to Gran Alacant, that neatly packaged urbanization on the Costa Blanca. It is a place I know well, wrote about in the local magazine and has everything we need for a prosperous, relaxing future, but would that be just too easy? I am not a person who tends to return to places I have lived before; I like to journey onwards to a new, untested future; consequently, we have been looking at property further afield.

Living in Britain, I have been able to save a substantial nest egg, as has Darrell in Australia and today, we are lucky enough to be able to afford a property outright; nothing fancy, just a small villa, with enough space for us and family to visit. We would be rent and mortgage free and able to live either part or all of the year, in a country we both love. I would dearly like to remain on the South coast of Britain, working and being close to family, but also having a home abroad, more tailored to our way of thinking. In tune with our intention, to eventually relocate lock stock and barrel, to our European home, we would once again restart our life far away from these shores.

Property prices are more than reasonable in Spain, even more so in Murcia, where we have also been looking. I recently stumbled across a villa in Calle Aljibe Mazarron, a short drive from the beach, which would perfectly suit our needs. The price tag is well within our means and with only cosmetic work to do, both of us have discussed buying the Casa, site unseen. Of course this is a risk, but it is something we have done before, when we bought a house in Le Lande St Simeon, in France in 2001. It is certainly an option to consider, especially now, during a pandemic.

Darrell and I are taken with the property, and we are seriously considering the alternatives. This is of course, just one house we have seen and with an economic crash once again on the cards in Spain, it is clear there will be many more such bargains to buy. We do have to be realistic about where we can afford to live and careful not to go above our limit. I have never been great at budgeting or dealing with accounts, so I am more than happy to leave that side of our ventures, for Darrell to organise. Importantly, I am ecstatic to be feeling motivated and positive once again. Luckily I am a little more pragmatic these days and don't have high expectations or exorbitant, unobtainable aspirations; my mojo is back, and I am inspired to move forwards, even if I don't always show it!

Spain remains the destination of choice. We both have our residency cards and know the country, culture and customs well. Spain offers us the easy way to achieve our objectives, but there are of course many other options. I would be equally happy living near Darrell's family in Hrvatska, Croatia, moving closer to Australia, maybe living in Asia for a while or possibly another European nation - Italy or even Portugal being top of my list. Wherever we choose to eventually settle, at least for part of each year, you can be sure it won't be conventional. A casa in Valencia, cave house in Andalusia or camper van in Croatia, these are the possibilities to explore, the prospects for the future and scenarios for consideration. Our life will never be prevailing and mainstream and that's just how we like it; spontaneous, challenging and distinctly inconsistent!

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Surviving Alone!

23/11/2020

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As 2020 draws to a close, I have been thinking about the difficulties all of us have faced this year. Like most people I have had my own set of unique challenges to overcome, with differing degrees of success. I have definitely worried and stressed far more than usual and I have felt more alone than I ever have, probably since I was a child. Nevertheless, I am one of those lucky people who actually enjoys my own company and doesn’t have a problem spending time alone. This brings me to my blog entry today - ‘Surviving alone’

Lots of people I know have really suffered throughout this pandemic, finding daily life hard. With little or no work, all of us have had a lot of extra time on our hands and many of us have found the lack of stimulation hard to deal with. Most have had families to take care of, children to home school and gardens and homes to tend, as well as the normal daily activities of shopping, trying to keep fit and cooking for each other. For me, life has become tougher because I am not with the person I love. You would think I would be used to this by now, but the reality is, it just doesn’t get any easier to deal with.

I have just got off the phone to Darrell this morning, and we had a rather heated discussion. I suppose I was feeling rather alone and sensitive today, so sternly reminded him that we were ‘still married.’ Up until now, our conversations were upbeat and in truth we never discussed controversial subjects. I made a conscious effort to avoid issues that would make Darrell lose his temper. He has never been confrontational and has always blocked out subjects that caused him anxiety; to an extent I can see why, but it has been a year since we last saw one another and I felt we needed to discuss the seriousness of our situation.

I do feel like I am drifting at the moment, just existing, waiting for something positive to happen which never does. It appears that Darrell and I are on very different paths, pushing further and further apart, singing from incompatible hymn sheets and that is unnerving. We are very different people, with contrasting ideas, but we have always found common ground in our love for one another and desire to work through our many differences. With him living thousands of miles away, we have lost the ‘rationale’ that bound us tightly together and that makes me even more anxious.

Since 2016 our lives have been forking towards unconnected goals in distinctly dissonant countries. Two months after moving to Spain, looking forward to a new adventure, Darrell's Mother was diagnosed with Cancer, and we spent the next few years living apart. Darrell travelled between his Mums home in Western Australia and our home in Spain, time after time. I survived because of the support of friends from the Expat community, who became a major lifeline during this challenging period. They were there for a shoulder to cry on, to have a glass of wine on the terrace with and to offer advice when needed. These people became the family I didn’t have and lifted me up during some very dark days. Living apart from someone after twenty years, because of circumstances beyond your control is hard. Just when you think you have turned a corner, another obstacle is thrown in your path and once again you have to try and manoeuvre your way around it. Life becomes demanding, days seem longer and thoughts turn negative.

Despite our situation, we always knew we would be together again, even if we spent seven months apart. Planning for the future and discussing life after illness was a catalyst for positivity. On the days when I felt down, I was always able to force myself out of the doldrums, by focussing on the positive aspects of our relationship, that would surely follow. The old saying that love conquers all, was a statement I have never used so often during that period, always clinging on to hope in a World falling apart around me. This was a time I wrote, more than I ever have done and analysed my every mood, desire and fear; writing allowed me to express myself in a way I couldn’t otherwise. These were years that taught me much about myself and surviving with little or no money; this was a period of change and character building, making me the person I am today – frugal, astute, wiser and mature, all traits I had lacked before.

The new life we had worked so hard to achieve in Spain, applying for residencia and becoming a Spanish resident, had all turned to dust. On the day I left Spain for the last time, I was glad to be on my way, not because I disliked Spain, but because of the circumstances that surrounded my departure. If you ask anyone I knew at the time, they will testify as to my desire to integrate into Spanish life and really make a fresh start; the day I flew home, reinforced my failure for a dream that never materialised.

Today, nearly five years after we left for Spain, I am still living through the turmoil and upheaval that illness has wrought on our relationship. Four years on, Darrell's Mother is still battling cancer, and he is still in Australia, only this time, unable to return to the UK when he wants; this is a scenario that is beginning to impact my psyche and I have got to a point where I want my husband home, despite knowing that will not happen anytime soon.

It sounds selfish doesn’t it, wanting Darrell to return home because you miss them, yet in reality their place is with their Mother, who is suffering from Cancer. I can only say that as we move into 2021, I feel my life has been put on hold for long enough and I need to get back the sense of purpose I lost a lifetime ago.

I don’t think Darrell was particularly happy with certain aspects of my argument. We both find ourselves in a very precarious situation and arguing about events that now engulf our life is not the necessarily helpful today. After all neither of us can change what is happening in the World, despite negatively impacting on our own personal positions, which remain uncompromising. However, we still have to discuss matters that continue to shape our direction and I make no apologies for doing so.

As a couple, we will survive this period, because ultimately we have the same goal in life, to be together, happy and content, living the life, we both still dream about. The journey getting there is likely to remain bumpy for now, there doesn’t seem to be an end in sight for the uneasiness we are living through and I foresee a rocky future in the medium term. Until we get the answers we need from officials, we will have to continue fighting in the dark. The Home Office remain quiet, unable or unwilling to give us answers; solicitors are still very much oblivious as to what cause of action is best and borders remain closed. As the COVID vaccines begin to roll off the production line and the World begins to open up, we are planning a May reunion together, unless once again circumstances dictate otherwise, only time will tell!

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