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From a new life in spain, to an old life in britain, 'roaming brit' documents uncertain times!

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On 31st January 2016, my partner and I left Southampton to start a new life as Expats in Gran Alacant, on the Costa Blanca. This blog will document our journey, as we navigate the Spanish system, travelling a path untried and untested. With Brexit looming, political turmoil in Europe, and an unpredictable future, harsh decisions must be made. Illness, family bonds, and a Change of heart all make for challenging times in the life of a 'Roaming Brit!'

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James and Susan!

31/8/2017

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Spent the afternoon with James and Susan, from Don Pueblo yesterday, conducting an interview for the GA Advertiser; which should appear in next months issue. I would like to thank them both for their hospitality!
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Princess Diana - 20th Anniversary Of Her Death. Personal Recollections!

31/8/2017

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It was the early hours of the morning, myself and others were still partying at a friends house, from a night out at the Magnum Club in Southampton. I remember, a group of us, laying on a bed, chatting about the night, when one of us received a text message, telling us to turn on the TV, Princess Diana had died, in a car crash in Paris.

Immediately we turned on the television, catching the first reports of her death. The news reader looked shell shocked, to be informing the World, that Diana, Princess of Wales had died. All of us there in our friend, Elaine’s house were upset, you could see tears welling up in all our eyes, glazed looks of disbelief and confused minds computing the information broadcast across the airwaves throughout the World.. This was a Sunday morning, I would always remember, a Sunday morning like no other!

It was early afternoon, when myself and Darrell returned home to our little flat, above the hairdressers in St Mary's Road, Southampton. The streets were empty, there was silence; the people you did see, walking, head down, deep in thought. That Sunday was one of the strangest, eeriest days I have ever lived through. The death of Diana, hit everyone, the whole country hard; the British showed emotions, that they had never shown before; I include myself in that sea of sensitivity; I felt her passing as much as anyone, it was a time when all of us opened up and let the tears run free, publicly, in front of family and friends, in the streets and in front of the television set

In the coming days, thousands upon thousands of people laid flowers outside all of the royal palaces, as the impact of Princess Diana's death was felt across the nation. There was no sign of the Queen or Royal Family, as the public came out in force to mourn the passing of their Princess. People were angry, 'Where is the Queen?' In fact Her Majesty was just doing what any normal Grandmother would do, protecting Princes William and Harry, from the death of their Mother, privately grieving, away from the glare of the World. The Queen did the right thing; the public were too distraught to care, as rumours started to circulate that Princess Diana was murdered. I can only describe how the public were acting, as mass hysteria, like a virus, spreading from one person to the next. Very few of us knew Diana personally, yet were deeply upset, as if it was a member of our own family. I don’t think I have ever felt that way again and probably never will.

Those days before Princess Diana was buried were peculiar and bizarre; peoples reactions were illogical and beyond anything, anyone of us could imagine. Britain’s stiff upper lip quivered and the Monarchy was rocked to its core. HM The Queen looked uncomfortable, almost frightened, as she finally arrived at Buckingham Palace on the advice of her Prime minister, not knowing what the reaction of those stood outside the gates would be towards her and her family. Almost immediately Britain forgave their Queen; although the road to recovery for her and the Royal Family would be a long one.

The funeral service was dramatic, as one would expect. Controversial words spoken by Diana's brother, Earl Spencer, in front of an audience of billions was damning; spontaneous clapping, totally out of character, unusual and unforgiving. A specially written 'Candle in the Wind,' performed by Elton John, choked even the hardest republican. The out pouring of grief without precedence; thousands of flowers thrown at Diana’s hearse, as it passed through the streets of London was almost unearthly to watch. In 1997, Britain changed, our usual stoical society cried tears and none of us knew why; carried along on a sea of sentiment, a domino effect that was unstoppable. 

I met Princess Diana myself in 1990, whilst working for the Civil Service in Portsmouth. When a member of the Royal Family was in the City, as public servants, we were given time off to greet them. Diana was attending the Guildhall, just around the corner from our building, I was working for the Benefits Agency at the time, in Lord Montgomery Way and managed to climb my way to the front of the cheering crowd. I can't remember exactly what time of year it was, but I was wearing a red AIDS ribbon, so can only assume in was the winter, before World Aids Day.  Diana was wearing a brown and cream outfit, looking radiant. Her wide brimmed hat cast a shadow across the pavement as she walked towards us all, waiting to catch her eye; I remember looking up at her as she approached the growing line of spectators; she seemed tall, very tall; I felt so small in comparison. Then she stopped; She had seen the ribbon on my lapel; winking at me with one eye, she said 'That's a very noble cause,' 'Yes Ma'am!' I replied. The fact that she even bothered to take an interest in people like me was amazing. I have always been a Royalist, especially a fan of Diana's and she made me feel like I was the only person there that day. I am grateful for meeting her, even briefly; she really did have true style and a way of making others feel at ease, comfortable in her company and as important as her, even for just one minute.


As individuals, Princess Diana touched all our lives. We really felt we knew her; she was a part of us, natural, personable and we opened our hearts to this shy, vulnerable woman who would one day be our Queen. When she died, something died inside all of us and we felt her death, in the same way we would, had it been a member of our own family. I remember Diana today, because I saw her everyday on my television, living her life with her, as she struggled with the terrible consequences of existing in the spotlight, as a member of the Royal Family. My heart went out to Diana because she wasn’t perfect and suffered as we all do. Depression, eating disorders and anxieties all plagued her, as they afflict many of us; she was someone we could all relate to, confirming the struggles we all had; Diana was one of us, not distant or unapproachable. She was open, fallible and understood who we were. She was indeed the Peoples Princess, as the Prime minister of the day referred to her.

Twenty years on, Diana Princess of Wales, still remains a constant in the lives of those who witnessed her death in 1997. Her legacy, including her two conscientious sons, William and Harry, the banning of land mines, a campaign she began before she died, her charity work with the homeless and victims of AIDS and the countless thousands of people she met during her short lifetime, lives on. She has won a special place in all our hearts, that people, unless close, rarely gain. I remember her today, because of who she was; a beautiful, kind hearted, special Lady who gave others the gift of hope when they had none.


Diana, Princess of Wales, The Peoples Princess!

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Rain!

29/8/2017

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It has finally started to rain in Gran Alacant, after months of sweltering heat and not a drop of water in sight. Waking up this morning was a joy; it felt so cool. It has been a long time since we last saw water falling from the sky; so unlike in Britain, it's time to get outside in ones underwear and have a dance; photographs I will not be including in this entry.

I have lived in Spain for nineteen months now; experiencing the coldest winter this country has endured for fifty years plus, hailstones, flooding and damp like you wouldn't believe and now the hottest summer. Over this period, my body has finally adjusted to this new climate, so different to the weather back in the UK. Despite the intense sun, this summer has been far easier to withstand, than the last. If you were to ask me now, which country I  prefer to live in, based on weather alone, I would have to say Spain. Despite initially not being a fan of the hot sun, I have grown to love the long hot summer days; a smile on everyone's face and that feel good factor in the air. Rain is Okay, just in small doses, unlike the deluge we suffered in Britain. My ailments and arthritis have all but disappeared, as I now live a life more conducive to good health. Gran Alacant has its own micro climate, surrounded by mountains and salt lakes, making it one of the healthiest places to live in the World.

Wherever you are, whatever you are doing, enjoy your day, rain or shine; I know I will!
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Little John!

28/8/2017

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I had a message from the past yesterday; a telephone call from 'Little John,' as I know him, a friend and gay daughter I met in 1993, when I first went on the gay scene in Southampton. The last time I saw John was in 2013.

Another friend contacted me yesterday morning, after seeing John at Southampton Gay Pride. He explained that John had been trying to track me down for a while, to no avail. The circumstances in which Darrell and I left Southampton were sudden and very few people, apart from those close, knew where we were headed.

John  phoned me yesterday afternoon and we had a chat for half an hour. Sadly Johns Mother had passed away, after a fatal accident; he was left alone to deal with the dreadful circumstances and had been trying to find me for some help, a shoulder to cry on and support; sadly I had left the country. 

Dealing with the death of a loved one is hard and I feel terrible for not being there. It is difficult living on the other side of the continent, but I hope to be there as much as I can now and return to the UK later in the year to spend some time with him, no matter how short that time is.

Like many of us celebrating our sexuality at such a devastating time, during the early 1990s, John  experienced more than his share of issues, to deal with, like us all, but despite the difficulties he is still with us, as so many others are gone. John was just seventeen when he entered life on a rather destructive gay scene and he survived in the only way he could. I have many fond memories, spending time with him and indeed his Mother.

I remember one occasion; we had arranged an after club party, at 'The Mansion,' as we often did, returning from the Magnum Club in Southampton on a Saturday night. This was the house, a group of us lived and partied in, all gay, all looking out for each other. Little John was there was his friend Nikki and his Mother. To be honest it had been a long night and I lost my rag with the three of them, throwing them all out at stupid O'clock in the morning. As John stormed out of the room, I remember him shouting:
'How dare you throw out my Mother, she's wearing a Harrods dress,' followed by '....and Nikki, the Lady Mayoresses daughter,' Nikki was indeed the Lady Mayoresses daughter. John has a way with words, spoken with grandiloquent flamboyance, pretentious as ever. It still makes my laugh today, even as I write this entry! Just one amusing memory from challenging times, growing up gay. John will always have a special place in my heart; there are very few of us left from that period, living on Southampton's bitchy gay scene!

​One hopes to at least have John back in my life, even though the distance between us, is vast. I will try and be there as much as I can and look forward to seeing him in the future. Glad to have you back John!
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Carry On Girls!

27/8/2017

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I have been watching my favourite Carry On film this Sunday, 'Carry On Girls,' I am a big fan of all these films; they take me back to better times. This film is so typical of all those made in the 1970s; politically incorrect and extremely funny. What we see as wrong today, was perfectly acceptable then; a period of time, I look back on with fondness!
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Recovery

27/8/2017

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Lily is still heavily medicated after suffering from another bout of Cat Flu. We are taking her back to the vet every few days for an injection of antibiotics and we are also having to give her Codeine orally. She seems to be getting better, but at her age it will be difficult for her to fight off the infection; after all, in human years, she is about 98 years old! So for now it is a waiting game, to see if she bounces back or not!

Mollie and Wildling are still recovering from their ordeal, after being abandoned. Mollie has come completely out of her shell and is playful and full of life. Wildling  is still extremely reluctant to be around humans and we think he probably had the worst experience, showing all the signs of abuse, having arrived with us, covered in tar. We are at least able to smooth and pat him; in time he will become more trusting, but for now we just have to allow him to adapt to his new surroundings, in his own time.

The next few weeks will be crucial for both Lily and the kittens, as all of them adjust to their new life together. We are hoping for a speedy recovery for Lily and continued recovery for Mollie and Wildling!
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Final piece in the jigsaw!

26/8/2017

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On May 9th 2016 I finally received my Spanish Residencia; the first piece in a jigsaw; a precursor to Darrell also becoming a Spanish resident. The process for Darrell is a little different to the one I followed; he wanted to complete the formalities last year, but like the story of our life together, nothing turned out the way it was supposed to. Darrell's Mother was diagnosed with cancer and he returned home to Australia to help care for her as she underwent treatment  for seven months. During this time, all our plans together were put on hold as we adapted to our new situation. Our new life was indeed cemented in Spain, but we were unable to move forwards until Darrell returned from Australia.

His return from Australia was just a first step in repairing the damage and getting back lost time. A further break was demanded, when Darrell had to return to the UK, to complete the paperwork needed to finalise legalities, allowing him to stay here with me in Spain. As a non EU citizen married to an EU national, Darrell has always had to suffer the indignity of proving who he is and the genuineness of our relationship. Spain was just doing what Britain did in the late 1990's, when Darrell applied to remain with me in the UK.

Yesterday after nearly nineteen months of living away from the UK, both Darrell and I finally placed that last piece in the jigsaw of life, allowing us both to remain together in Spain. With the help of the 'Foreigners Advisory Bureau,' who have been fantastic at coordinating timings and producing the necessary documentation, including translation services and most importantly filling in the application forms for 'Residencia,' Darrell was finally grated residencia!

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In the end, the application process, which cost us 260€, mainly for consultation fees, was straight forward. there were a number of stages we had to go through in order to obtain his right to remain in Spain; these included showing I had a job and enough income to support myself and my husband, that we were both registered on the 'Padron' or electoral roll in Spain and Darrell wasn't going to be a drain on the state. As I am making contributions into the Spanish Social Security System and have a health care card, I had met the required criteria to cover Darrell, allowing him to stay with me as my partner.
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This is a copy of the card Darrell will receive. It is totally different to that received by an EU national. Darrell's card will include a photograph and copy of his finger prints and he will have to wait a further two months before he obtains it, as well as having a further two appointments with officials, on top of the one we had yesterday at the Foreign Office in Alicante.
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My 'Residencia' or 'Green Card.' doesn't have a photograph or finger prints on it and is a basic piece of paper. The gives me the same rights as a Spanish citizen, more or less and will do the same for Darrell when he receives his. As a permanent resident, life will of course be much easier; from buying a property, to the payment of taxes and use of municipal services; most of all Darrell can remain living in Spain, without having to leave every three months, as the visa on his passport states.

​Obtaining legal status in Spain has been a much easier process than I thought. Darrell has be afforded the same rights as me in a relatively short space of time. unlike when we began our relationship in 1995. We have been treated fairly and with respect. Our relationship status today, is very much improved from the dark days of the mid 1990s, where the UK didn't even recognise we existed, as a couple in law. Spain has accorded us equal rights extremely quickly and has been more than generous in accepting our marriage, in total contrast to the UK.

With Brexit looming ever closer, we have both done as much as we can now, to protect us and our home, should the worst happen; highly unlikely, but something we felt necessary, just in case. The agreement that exits between EU countries needs to be upheld when the UK withdraws. There are a lot of us living and working in Europe; lets hope we remain protected after 2019 and life carries on in much the same way as it does today!

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I feel like pulling my hair out!

23/8/2017

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It's time for a rant today, a rant about Spain, which I do from time to time, no matter how much I like living here. I haven't been able to blog for a few days because my internet has been down again, something that happens regularly. You can guarantee that there will be a loss of wifi signal at least twice a week, which isn't great when you rely on the internet for part of your income. It is important for me to get articles in on time, if not I lose money, so once again I have lost a wage because my internet supplier can not get its act together. We are in the 21st century; I pay for a service that I am not getting, which also includes super fast broadband; again something I am not supplied. When I went down to their offices in the GA Centre, there were queues of people, also probably complaining, stretching outside the door, with only one person at the desk! There are plenty of other internet suppliers in Gran Alacant and  I will be voting with my feet, choosing to take my custom else where, when we move in November.

​Rant one over, now time for rant number two. I have been without hot water at home for a week now, waiting for our agent to send an engineer round to fix the problem. It is extremely lucky we are in the middle of summer; water comes out the cold water tap lukewarm and you can just about get away with, not having a working boiler, for short periods. Maintenance jobs seem to take forever in Spain, especially in August, where it seems, no one wants to work. The standards of service you receive, are a lot lower than one would expect in the UK. I can't tell you how frustrated I get sometimes, having to spend most of my time waiting, for one workman or another to arrive, giving no firm time of arrival and not phoning before hand; it is totally infuriating and completely unnecessary. Spain has much to learn where customer service is concerned.

​Rant number three is a familiar one; yesterday I spent an hour queuing in the international branch of Banco Sabadell, just to pay in some money. Once again the number of people waiting was ten deep. When I finally got to the counter, where there was only one customer service rep, I was told I couldn't pay anything in, as the system was down. In the UK, even if there was a systems failure, you could still pay cash into your account; the process was a little, slower but you were at least able to do so.  No notice was in place explaining the situation and the annoyance on everyone's face, not just mine was palpable. The banks in Spain really do need a shake up. One person dealing with every customer, front of house, while fifteen mill about, at the back is unacceptable. Sabadell really do need to look at their practices.

On to number four; paperwork. Today I have just got back from the Town Hall, after having to replace my 'Padron' paperwork again. The Padron is like the Electoral Roll in the UK. Here in Spain we have to replace the printed sheet of paper, showing our cohabitation, every three months, a ridiculous palaver but a necessary one; showing that myself and Darrell are living together; part of the process, proving we are still a legitimate couple after 23 years. This and similar procedures, will always be a part of our life it seems, more so now, especially with Brexit looming over the horizon. I have a large file of  paperwork that one needs on a daily basis, and it's huge. If you are thinking of moving to Spain, then for Gods sake research the documentation you will need, it will save a lot of time and money in the future.

The rules that govern driving a car in Spain; my fifth and final moan today, is a constant source of exasperation. Whilst the ITV system, rather like the UK's MOT is a much more efficient way, of having ones car checked each year, the rest of the formalities involved, is a nightmare. For novices, like myself and Darrell, It is easier to pay someone to do all the necessary administration, transferring ownership of a vehicle. There is no possibility of completing the official paperwork without help. Spain also has some rather funny rules and regulations, you must follow when driving a car; something that amuses me more than anything. You can not drive shirtless, can not wear flip flops and you can not put your hand out of a car window, whilst driving; the list is endless. When you have a beaten up old car like ours, the first thing you want to do is stick your arm out of the car window, whilst moving, in the severe heat of the day. All I can say is, it's a good job I can't drive. The Police are also very keen on issuing on the spot fines, for driving offences. If you don't follow the rules, including speeding and most importantly drink driving, you will be prosecuted and the penalties are huge; 500€ is not uncommon. If I had hair, I would be pulling it out!

RANT OVER! Apart from the above, I am having a wonderful day #stilllovingspain

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Respect for Words; respect for those receiving them!

21/8/2017

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Words are just words aren't they? Well yes they are, but as people, do we use them too lightly, without understanding their true meaning? The biggest example I can give, is social media, facebook in particular. Personally I am a big fan of this medium, connecting the world through the internet, but like most things that are popular, it does have its banal side, can be rather prosaic, vacuous and encourages bad use of grammar and a misunderstanding of words used. It is easy to type a message to others, rather than pick up the phone or speak face to face; we articulate with friends and colleagues in this way everyday. In all but name, facebook is a channel for oral communication, even when sentences are used instead of sounds. In these modern times, we really do use messaging, facetime, messenger and whatsapp, far more than we actually use our own voice, to communicate a message; it is important therefore, that we realise what we are composing.

Last night I was randomly scanning through facebook, as I do quite often. I saw the predictable platitudes, falsehoods and cringeworthy status updates, from the usual suspects; no surprise for me, about who they were. Anything I write on social media is true; I will not lie; this has got me in a lot of trouble in the past but I am not in the habit of talking nonsense to anyone. If I don't like someone I can quite easily remove them from my life; easier to do now, than it once was, especially with a block button on facebook and a wealth of knowledge and previous experience; we are after all, all of us,  the sum of our own experiences. As I scrolled through my facebook updates, I was surprised to recognise words, that had once been said to me, from someone no longer in my life. Even when one blocks a person, one does occasionally see the odd statement, here and there, from people you would rather not entertain.

I am under no illusions about people, I am well aware of who and what they are; when you suffer at the hands of a sociopath, reading others character becomes second nature. At the first sign of a repeat performance, I have been warned to remove the problem; warning signs light up across someones brow, larger than life, like you wouldn't believe; just as it does on facebook, as it did last night. The only word I would use, to describe my reaction, is disappointment; regret I ever bothered to get to know them, dismay at their banality and disenchantment with human nature as a result. For a moment I felt a little over sensitive about words written, a repeat of those said to me; empty without sincerity and clearly a phrase used many times towards those popular at a given point in time. Words are indeed easy to say; once written down, they are hard to dismiss. The phrases we write to each other, often tell us a lot about an individual, a story about our genuineness and authenticity, how real and original we are and the ingenuous nature of all of us. Yesterday I woke up and started to realise just who matters in life; my partner and I should stop acting so heartbroken and upset.

When one makes a conscious decision to dissolve a friendship, one doesn't do it lightly. Past indiscretions would see me hanging on to the most destructive alliances, preferring to keep people close, rather than lose them, no matter what the consequences. The locution of someone I once held in high regard, should really pay no part in my thought process, but like most of us, who have feelings, I do take things very personally at times.  Words are just words, but please be careful how you use them. When you use sensitive phrases, understand their importance to the person receiving them. Do not play with their emotions, there are enough false, fallacious, erroneous individuals in the World, without adding another one to the list!

Stay true!

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Wildling & Mollie - Looking for a new home!

20/8/2017

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We have now named our two foster cats, Wildling and Mollie. They are both doing fantastically well, eating us out of house and home! Mollie seems to have all the personality at the moment, running around the house, playing with anything she can find, including wires it seems. Little Wildling, is much smaller and still extremely nervous around humans, but we are gradually coaxing her round. If you would like to offer these two adorable kittens a home, please contact me, using the contact details on this website, through the Gran Alacant Advertiser, or pop into LoungeD.
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    51-year-old Author and professional blogger. Expat formerly living in Gran Alacant on the Costa Blanca! Currently, residing in my adopted home of Perth, Western Australia.

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