It has been a busy week for me, and I am feeling particularly tired. I am currently working a lot of hours and rarely have time to myself. Saving for lots of different things, especially during this cost of living crisis, is proving more challenging than I expected, even with me being in an enviable position. Like all of you, I am feeling the pinch, with my living costs going up daily, and there doesn't seem to be any end in sight. I was using my time here in the UK productively, saving hard for the future but at present the targets I set for myself seem to be slipping away, as I try and keep my head above water. This is not a great period to be alive and like everyone, I am fearful for the future. 

Just yesterday I checked the value of my pensions, as I do from time to time, and was shocked at the collapse in  their value. In a little over four months, my main pension has fallen 20% and all the gains made over the last three years have been lost; now that is scary, especially when I want to retire in four years time. I understand pensions and investments do fluctuate, it's just part of the course, but the figures I am seeing just indicate a continual decline, unlike anything I have ever seen before.

Equally, the various share holdings I own have also dramatically declined and fallen even further than my pensions. With most of my cash tied up in a high interest savings account, I am fortunate not to have invested too big a portion of my money into higher risk financial products. However, the state of the World economy is still a worrying concern for my future, and I am keeping a close eye on all my investments. We are being hammered from all sides; higher taxes and bills, as well as rising inflation that is dangerously out of control. 

My current thinking is to continue putting as much money away as I can, especially with such a bleak outlook moving forwards; that isn't really going to change. My desire to buy a property is of course my overriding ambition, but after taking advice, I am aware that this isn't the right time to do so. As the crisis gets worse, it looks likely, that house prices will crash in the very near future and I want to be able to pick up a bargain when the time is right. Whether we buy here or abroad, I just have no idea, but by the time I reach my 55th Birthday I hope to finally have a home of my own. 

It is important for me to have goals, which I work towards daily. It gives me focus at especially difficult times. As a person, I have always been terrible with money, so this is the first time I've actually made a positive impact on my finances. I am mindful, nevertheless, of the challenging months ahead, and I am extremely concerned at the possible implications of a continued collapse in financial markets. This is the time I should be building for the future, instead I am battling to stay afloat. Darrell and I are far luckier than most, not having to pay bills, but we do have a lot of outgoings to contend with, and they are just getting more and more burdensome daily. Like everyone else, though, there is very little I can do about it.

The last four years have had their high and low points; the lack of personal space does take its toll, especially recently. Spending the majority of my time at work or held up in a single room doesn't do wonders for my mental health, but I am aware that the sacrifices I am making now should pay dividends in the future. On the plus side, my financial astuteness has increased beyond measure. I have saved more money than I ever have done in my life, and my current circumstances have allowed me to build the foundations for success in the future.

Both Darrell and I are also fortunate to have chosen our friends, far more wisely, than we have done in the past. We no longer have the hangers on, the people who just take, borrow and never pay back and more importantly, we no longer suffer fools gladly. I have a very small group of close friends and never trust anyone I don't know well enough. Yesterday, I went out with a small group of work colleagues, and we had a fabulous night; a rare occasion when Darrell and I spent time with others outside our family circle.

My finances have always taken a severe battering because of other people, which is why we have to be so careful these days. No longer easily influenced or afraid to say no, I am happy to have decent people back in my life. I was such a bad judge of character in the past, that I could never see the impending disaster waiting in the wings. The more I desired the company of others, the more money I spent, and all I am left with today is a bag full of regret and some pretty terrible memories to boot. These people are firmly in the past, but their destructive influence still lingers. I do suffer with anxiety and from time to time I do become particularly inward, self reflective and depressed; Something I am aware could be rearing its ugly head once again today.

It appears it's time to batten down the hatches, just like we did during the pandemic. Working extra hard is necessary right now, since none of us really knows what will happen next. There has been so much thrown at us in recent times, that we just have to do our best to survive each oncoming storm. I know, after attending Cognitive Behavioural Therapy in the past, that it is important to deal with each event or trigger as it happens, breaking down difficulties into smaller packages. Rather than panicking over the bigger picture, I am accepting the inevitable and dealing with each element separately, which I hope will see me through.

Each of us have a difficult road to tread at the moment, and I am no different to you. All I can do is help others when I can, donate to foodbanks, make sure I listen to friends who need help, give them a shoulder to cry on and a voice of reason. Yes, we are all suffering, but we must remember those who are worse off than us. Reach out, be available and above all keep fighting, even when the battle seems lost!

Portsmouth Pride 2022

On Saturday Darrell and I headed down to Southsea seafront; we had nothing planned, just a long walk, something to eat and a little chill time. After an early lunch at The Jolly Sailor opposite Southsea Common, we enjoyed an impromptu day at the 2022 Portsmouth Pride festival. The common was full of people, of every gender, enjoying the celebrations. The flags were flying in the strong winds that always blow across this open public space, along the sea front. After a brief look around, we headed back into town, expecting a quiet night in front of the TV.

We stopped at a local pub on the way home and chatted over a beer, when we were contacted by an old friend, who had seen our post on facebook, wondering where we were. After a bit of hesitation, we agreed to jump in a taxi and meet SJ at the Lord Palmerston in Southsea. I mean, how could we not; she was a dear, close friend, and we hadn't seen her in seven years.

It was a pleasant surprise to meet up with SJ and Darren, who was with her, after such a long time. It is odd, that after six years apart, you really do pick up where you left off and speaking with her, it felt like it always had. She hasn't changed much and is still exactly the same as she ever was. Catching up with friends is important, especially those who played a big part in my life. SJ was there through some rough times and was also around on our final day in the UK. She has also remained a friend throughout our ongoing adventures in Spain and now in the UK. It was extremely uplifting to see her, especially after the torrid time we have had during the last few years.

The last time I attended Pride celebrations, was in London, in 1996, 26 years ago. To be honest, I have never really been someone to indulge in affirming my sexuality. I am a gay man first and foremost, but it doesn't play a big part in my life. When I was younger I enjoyed celebrating my homosexuality, but as I have grown older I really don't see the need and am very comfortable with who I am. Nevertheless, I had a fantastic day, surrounded by friends, old and new and enjoyed being a part of a celebration, that still remains an integral, cohesive part of the gay community, of which I am a part. Diversity should be celebrated, cherished and respected in all its forms, and Pride teaches us the importance of love, in a World so divided and polarised with hate!

Dinner Date With The Girls

After an amazing day out at the Pride festival and a terrible day at work suffering with a hangover, a pre-arranged dinner with the girls from work, wasn't top of my list of priorities. I was really in need of an early night, after only having two hours the night before. Darrell's lack of alcohol tolerance, had kept him and consequently I awake into the early hours, throwing up every half hour or so. By the time I finally staggered out of bed, greeted by a blocked up sink of sick, I was about ready to drop. Feeling exhausted, I managed a short, but busy shift, before a thankfully calming evening and a carvery with colleagues.

I've had nights out with the crew before and always had a great time. I have never really been fond of Portsmouth as a place to live, but people like these make it far more tolerable. The bog-standard food at Toby Carvery was really secondary to the opportunity to relax, unwind and be in the company of friends. We did what we always do, had a laugh, great conversation and plenty of laughs. As all of us at work approach the busy summer season, it was nice to have a short break before the hard slog starts. It was a perfect end to a fun filled weekend and the beginning of a long few weeks before my holiday in July.  Neither Darrell nor me let our hair down that often, but when we do, it's a reminder that we are still alive and ticking, living our life together surrounded by the people we love…. That is all that matters, that's all we can ask for!

If I'm honest, I'm quite partial to a good old Jubilee, stretching all the way back to 1977 and our present Queen's Silver Jubilee. I have always tried to take part, as you would expect from a Royalist. The photo below is of me, dressed as The Queen during her Diamond celebrations, ten years ago. That was the year I went all out  for Her Majesty and arranged a fancy dress party for friends and family. This year was very different; at fifty-one years old, there was no partying into the wee hours, but I did do my best to enjoy the four-day Bank Holiday weekend. It was an occasion to remember, that stirred emotions inside me and made me realise, our dear Queen will not be around forever and all of us should expect to see less of her during the next few years.

Newcome Arms

For the most part, I was working over the Jubilee. I had taken time off from my supermarket job, to join in the party at The Newcome Arms, working behind the bar for a few shifts. It was amazing to be part of the wonderful atmosphere, back in a pub I love, surrounded by patrons and colleagues I haven't seen in a while.

It was an extremely busy night on Friday, and I didn't stop all evening. That's the kind of shift I love; it was great to see so many happy faces toasting our Queen. The Newcome had pulled out all the stops over the bank holiday and had arranged live music, disco's, talent competitions and a children's party on the Sunday. It was impressive to see just how much effort this little pub in the heart of Fratton had made, to ensure everyone had a good time, including me!

It is unlikely we will ever see a Platinum Jubilee again, at least in the near future. I was therefore extremely mindful of the great historic significance, this four day holiday had for all British people. The Queen is beloved by all of us who live on these islands, and the celebrations across the country demonstrated that. Walking home from the Newcome in the early hours of Saturday morning, you could still hear parties continuing throughout the neighbourhood. It was heartening that everyone was respectful and there were no drunken shenanigans, as one might expect after a few days drinking. The regulars at the pub were a joy to be around, and I thoroughly enjoyed being back behind the bar, even for a short time!

I did a brief few hours behind the bar on Saturday also, giving other members of staff a short break, before the disco in the evening. Dipping in and out of the pub at will, rather than having rigid shifts, has suited me and has fitted in well with my current commitments. I do love bar work and the social interaction that goes along with it, and I'm sure it will remain at least a small part of my life for a while to come yet!

Like twelve million others, after work on Saturday, I sat down to watch the Platinum Party at the Palace. There have been other concerts in front of Buckingham Palace in the past, but this one was special, unlike anything I had ever seen before. The organisation, special effects, light show and projection of Her Majesty's life onto the palace itself was truly magical and out of this World.

I really didn't know many of the newer acts and, in truth, didn't particularly enjoy them. I am not one for rap and other modern styles of music, but thoroughly enjoyed most of the show, especially our Eurovision Star, Sam Ryder and of course Diana Ross. As a nation, we really do know how to put on an amazing performance, especially during important milestones. I understand peoples concerns about the money spent, especially during the cost of living crisis, but you have to remember why we were celebrating in the first place. Queen Elizabeth's seventy years as Monarch and head of state is something we should all be proud of. The majority of the British people support her and after the dark days of the pandemic, it was a necessary distraction. All of us were able to focus on a woman, who has given her life in the service of this country.

Like everyone else, I was taken aback with the opening sketch of The Queen and Paddington Bear together at the palace. Our Monarch may well be 96 years old, but this short video showed her great sense of fun and humour and left a lasting impression on all of us who saw it. It was of course uniquely British and showed The Queen enjoying her old age, in a way we haven't seen before. Finally, Her Majesty is doing what makes her happy, attending events that are significant for her and continuing to play an important role in the history of this country. This was the Grandmother of the nation at her finest!

Lunch Date at The Ship & Castle

On Sunday, Darrell and I took the opportunity to meet up with my old University friend Ramona. I rarely have Sunday's off, so I headed to my go-to place of choice, The Ship, and Castle at The Hard in Southsea. This place does the best carvery, perfect for a Sunday lunch. As usual, we all had a lot to catch up on, having not seen one another for a while, and it was nice chatting over a few pints and good food.

Ramona is really my last true friend from my early years living in Southampton, thirty years ago. No matter how different our lives have been, we have always managed to stay in touch in one way or another. Like us, life hasn't treated her in the best way possible, so we do have a lot in common. I made a conscious decision to offload a lot of people from my life a few years ago now. Today I prefer to hang out with friends like Ramona, my best buddy and someone who probably knows me better than I know myself!

After a lovely afternoon and a spot of window shopping at Gunwharf, since I can never afford anything there, it was home to catch up on the Jubilee pageant. Watching that final clip of our Queen stood on the balcony, dressed in emerald green, she did look rather frail. I couldn't help thinking how much longer we will have with this lady as our Head of State. Not the nicest thought at that moment, but all of us have to accept that Her Majesty is now winding down after seventy years on the throne.

In the same way I celebrated with friends this Jubilee weekend, taking the opportunity to see people I haven't seen in a while, it was also great to see The Queen doing the same at such an important milestone. These last few days have been momentous for many reasons, but they have also allowed people like me, the time to spend with people I hold dear. I hope we will continue to remember this day for many years to come, it is after all a historic event, unlike any other that's gone before!