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From a new life in spain, to an old life in britain, 'roaming brit' documents uncertain times!

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On 31st January 2016, my partner and I left Southampton to start a new life as Expats in Gran Alacant, on the Costa Blanca. This blog will document our journey, as we navigate the Spanish system, travelling a path untried and untested. With Brexit looming, political turmoil in Europe and an unpredictable future, harsh decisions have to be made. Illness, family bonds and a Change of heart all make for challenging times in a life of a 'Roaming Brit!'

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Struggling Right Now!

16/1/2021

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I'm not enjoying this now, I have just about had enough of it all; am I the only person who feels like this at the moment? I am not talking about having to follow the rules, which I am happy to do, I am talking about other people ignoring guidelines and laws designed to protect them. When will people understand the ramifications of this bloody virus; it is killing people, every day, hundreds and hundreds of people, and yet they still break the rules. I am really at a loss to understand the mentality of those anti-vaxers, COVID deniers and rule breaks, it really beggars belief!

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I have had a busy week, so much so, I haven't even been able to speak to Darrell. We usually put some time aside for each other, but it has just been impossible over the last seven days. The time difference is beginning to get to me and if I am brutally honest I am sick and tired of our long distant relationship. It really shouldn't have to be this way, it's only because of those at the top, that we have been separated in the first place. Having to constantly live your life around immigration rules has always been a challenge, from day 1, but as I approach my 50th Birthday, I would have hoped our life together would have changed, and we would be free to live as we want. Today however, in the midst of a pandemic our relationship is more restricted than ever!

Nearly a year on from the beginning of the COVID crisis, I am struggling, more than I have done for a long time. A few days ago I was informed a friend from my dim and distant past has passed away from COVID-19. This was a person I knew well as a young adult; he was fit and healthy, (far more than I) and was always full of life. He was several years younger than me and his loss has hit me far more than I would have expected. I haven't seen him for many years, but the impact of his death has shown me, just how vulnerable we all are, yet there are still people who 'just don't get it!'

Feeling extra sensitive and angry, I lost my temper yesterday, with someone I shouldn't have. Of course, I did it for the right reasons, because I felt they were in a situation that left them exposed to transmission of the virus. When someone you know dies, the thoughts and feelings you experience are difficult to decipher. I don't know how I am supposed to act, but it just wants me to protect those closest even more, even if I do shout and scream from time to time.

I would really love to know the psychology behind those who ignore rules and only think about themselves. Blatantly, it is a typical mark of sociopathic behaviour, but not all of them can have this trait. I did read an article recently about people who just refuse to wear masks, not those who can't, but those who just won't, and it was quite eye-opening. Most of these people have anti-social characteristics and understand the implications of not be protected. You can see the culprits as you scroll through social media, read about their partying, while others shield and isolate. You can see their genuine disdain for authority and their friends, family and neighbours as they stick two fingers up to the rest of us. These are the worst people in society, those who cause harm to others and those who are at least in part, responsible for spreading this virus through communities. Yes the Government has made mistakes, but they are not responsible for reckless behaviour that endangers all of us, as we fight to live another day.

Some days are better than others; all of us have our ups and downs and there are times I remain upbeat, despite everything falling apart around me. As a person I am usually an optimist; to be honest, anyone who blogs every day, with little or no recognition, has to have a modicum of sanguineness, in order to just get through the next entry. Writing allows me to express and offload my feelings, which has been a lifesaver during this pandemic. It has stopped me becoming an alcoholic, taking up smoking and eating myself out of house and home, it has given me a creative outlet during one of the most stressful periods of my life.

When I see the surrounding self-destruction, the lack of empathy, the aggressive confrontations and incredulous misinformation, I am reminded how lucky I am. I read, research and understand, I don't believe in mendacity and I dismiss ramblings from discredited sources. Fake news and conspiracy theories, that dominate the lives of those who believe in the machinations of the influential few, have now become so dangerous, that it is safer to say nothing at all. The voices of the hoi polloi, the masses who follow the rules are growing weaker, as the more bombastic, blustering inflated egos shout ever louder. Maybe it's time us plebeians stood up and faced down the onslaught of prevarication.

Today I was finally able to talk to Darrell on my one and only day off this week. It feels good to offload how I feel with my husband, rather than writing it down on a blog. Both of us, like all of you are feeling the fatigue virtually a year on, but we still remain positive for the future, even if we don't always sound upbeat. Our priority is to stay safe, protect ourselves and our family and continue fighting for our future together. When I shout, express an opinion or let off steam; when I wear a mask, sanitise my hands every few minutes or try and keep two meters apart, it's because I want to see my partner again. I want my family to stay safe, my dreams to stay alive and above all I want to live my life again!

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Turmoil!

7/1/2021

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When I got home from work last night, I was greeted by scenes of absolute carnage in America. As a 'newshound' I can often sit watching rolling news programmes all day, so I always switch on the television when I get home after my shift; last night I was shocked by the appalling drama unfolding, as 'Trump' protesters stormed the Capitol building in Washington. This was yet another example of the tumultuous times we are currently living through; there seems to be no let up in the never ending spectacle engulfing the World at the moment. For someone like me, who has my own personal demons to fight, this was just another World event, that slid straight off my back; I hardly blinked an eye.

2020 was a terrible year, a time all of us just want to forget. Not one day has passed without me feeling anxious and worried; there hasn't been one minute, when I haven't thought about the pandemic and the dreadful state of the World, we all now inhabit. This horrifying juncture has brought our own mortality hurtling headlong into our thoughts, there is literally no getting away from the death that surrounds us every day. I think each of us was hoping for a better, more subtle and calming start to 2021, but nothing could be further from the truth.

The first week of the new year has seen Britain return to a full national lockdown. A new variant of the Coronavirus is ravaging the population of these islands, just yesterday there were 1041 deaths and over 62000 new cases reported. We are in a very dangerous period, where no one is certain of the outcome. This new development in the life of COVID-19, is another terrible milestone in this pandemic and without a lockdown, the National Health Service would have been over run and thousands upon thousands of people would have lost their lives. As it stands now, it is likely we will reach the grim prospect of 100,000 deaths in a relatively short space of time.

In normal times, the behaviour of a far right fascist President of the United States, would be even more shocking than it is today. However, like most people I have become rather desensitised to the madness in the Whitehouse. The four years this man has been in power, has seen a gradual erosion of standards in public life. His views on equality, race, women and sexuality has descended into a quagmire, a cesspit of disgusting views, violent incitement and other wordly vitriol. This man has brought the American Presidency and the country to its knees. The loss of respect for this once great nation is clear for all to see; the burning embers of anger shroud this narcissistic tyrant and expose him for this bigot he truly is.

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During our conversation this morning, Darrell and I spoke about events around the globe, as we always do. He said how he didn't recognise the World any more and like me remains in a state of apprehension about the future. I feel like I am living through a terrible nightmare at the moment, one with no end in site. Everything I believe in - respect for others, dignity, fairness, equality and common decency just doesn't exist any more. People no longer care for their friends and neighbours, ignore warnings about the pandemic, cheer on a President who epitomises hate and trample over anyone who gets in their way. This is not a World I understand or want to be a part of, this is a violent, uncaring, dispassionate and impervious Earth, crumbling under pressure, dying before our very eyes.

This is only the beginning of 2021, there is plenty of time to end this year on a high. COVID vaccines are rolling out across this country, over a million and a half people have had the jab already. Joe Biden has been duly elected as the 46th President of the United States and will usher in a new term of reconciliation and statesmanship, returning sobriety to the office of the President. There is also a repeat of 'clapping for heroes,' beginning tonight, showing respect for our key workers during this pandemic and on a personal note, I am finally looking forward to seeing Darrell this year. A year that has started at such a low point, can illuminate the path to enlightenment and a return to normality, after  such a period of anguish. Let's make this year the best ever and lay this awful time to rest!

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A Jolly Little Tier 4 Christmas!

20/12/2020

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Whilst everyone else keeps safe on furlough, the rest of us have to work for a living! I think you may detect a note of bitterness in my voice, which would explain my current state of mind. I continue making my journey to work each morning, working in a job I love; the rest of the country, or rather those being paid to do nothing, sit righteously on their thrones moaning about new Tier 4 restrictions that came into force yesterday. May I humbly suggest they look at key workers and vulnerable people who are having to work in the most strenuous of circumstances and are doing everything to keep safe. I, for one, am 100 percent behind the Government and their attempt to stem the tide of this new strain of the virus and so should you - the selfish hoi polloi, who care only about themselves! Of course, I am not saying you are all uncaring and inconsiderate, but a good many of you are!

Listening to the news last night and this morning, I was horrified to hear just how easily spread the new strain of this virus is. You have a higher chance of catching this illness, a 70 percent increase to be exact and people are still acting as though nothing is going on. Walking through Commercial Road in Portsmouth over the last few days, you could be forgiven for thinking you are living through normal times, but in reality we aren't. This is a bloody pandemic and I fail to understand why people are rebuffing the rules. If I am honest, this was a frightening experience and I am so glad all the 'non-essential' shops have been closed.

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Before the Governments announcement yesterday, putting Portsmouth, Havant, Gosport, London and whole swathes of the South East into the new Tier 4, which is essentially a lockdown in all but name, I did get the chance to briefly see my Father. At first, I was weary about seeing him, since he lives in a Tier 2 area and at the time we were in Tier 3, but for me, it was necessary to connect with him,  no matter how brief it was.

My Father has spent most of this year on his own, so soon after my Mothers death, which has been difficult for him and all of us. This pandemic has really shown just how important family is, and I am angry that I haven't been able to see him as much as I would have liked. Not wanting to risk his health, I spent the briefest of time in his company, before getting back on a train and travelling straight back home.

Dad did look rather frail and alone, which was sad to see. He is of course well able to look after himself, having been Mum's carer for twenty years, but the lack of contact between family is taking its toll on him. He hasn't been too well himself lately, and I am sure he would feel a lot better, if those closest were around him more often. Families have been ripped apart by this virus, in life and especially in death, and I was almost tempted to give him a hug, but stopped myself at the last minute.

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Dad had asked me what I wanted for Christmas, as he does every year. I have everything I need, so just asked for something personal from him, that I could keep close, especially at this time. To my surprise he gave me my Mothers Wedding ring, which I could wear around my neck on a chain, a memento I will always cherish. Apart from photographs, I don't have many reminders of my Mother, so this will be a gift, that will ensure she always remains close.  He told me they had chosen the ring together before their wedding in 1967 and had paid the princely sum of £20.00 for it, a lot of money back then, akin to a weeks wages.

We talked briefly about the state of the country, politics and family and I wished him a Happy Christmas, hoping to see him early next year, although I will more than likely see him at Easter, when this Pandemic is finally under control. As the road blocks started to go up around Portsmouth today, I was reminded of the desperate times we are living though, and I am grateful for spending just a few moments with Dad, before the shutters once again go up!

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Darrell and I have had a few ups and downs this past couple of weeks. I think the pandemic is getting to both of us. I have probably sounded off a little more than usual, but sometimes you have to.

The state of the UK at the moment is headline news, across the World and Darrell is naturally concerned at what he is hearing. I have asked him to take a more active role in sorting out our legal status at this time, contacting our Member of Parliament  and doing what he can from his end. This Christmas will be very different for us in Britain, however life continues in Australia, very much as it always has done.

The World remains madder than at any time I have ever known. Expressing my fears for the future, especially right now as the second wave really takes hold, Darrell was left aghast, about just what will be left, when this is all over. The different lives we are leading are so divergent, contrasting in every way, that I am not even sure we will know each other, when we see one another again.

No relationship can survive indefinitely from opposite ends of the planet, and it is important we are allowed to see one another soon. So I will end this entry today, as I began, by pleading with people to take notice of the new rules. I know how difficult it is to not see someone you love over Christmas, because I have been living it for over a year. Like Darrell and I, you just have to accept what is happening, stop worrying about a Christmas turkey and always remember there are people far worse off than you. Once you become resigned to your fate, all of us can finally work together and beat this bloody virus once and for all!
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Recording A Journey That Continues Today!

5/12/2020

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The differences that brought us together, are the bonds that keep us strong. Even during the worst of times, we fought hard to remain as one. Immigration, the threat of deportation, forced separation and now a pandemic, all pushed us to our limits. There were and still are times I want to give up, but the memories of the life I once had and will have again, keep me grounded, level-headed and  hopeful that circumstances will change, and we can once again resume the story of our life. Until then a photo, marking our union, even during isolation, will keep our relationship alive. A photograph recording a journey that continues today!
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Looking To The Future!

1/12/2020

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Darrell and I have started to plan for the future, as we bid farewell to 2020. Both of us, like all of you, have had the year from hell; there has never been a better time to look forward to what comes next. I can't tell you how grateful I am, to see this year confined to the history books. This has been a time of great anxiety and stress for all of us, but especially for Darrell and I, living apart as we do, because of the circumstances that surround our life. However, this isn't a time to dwell on the past, this is most certainly a period to look forward to the future, more now, than ever before.

Both of us have a desire to reside in Europe in the long term, and that doesn't necessarily mean living in Britain. Darrell and I have remained in the UK for most of our 25 years together and when we moved to Spain in 2015, we both understood the importance of change. Our new life was supposed to be 'forever,' a choice that would allow us to finally live our dream. That desire is still there, it hasn't changed, and we still want to retain that sense of 'who we are,' - travellers, explorers and pioneers.

Looking back at my time in Gran Alacant, near Alicante, I am reminded of the mistakes we made, but encouraged by our inclination to fit into Spanish and Expat life. We eventually achieved all our goals, obtained residency and finally adjusted to our new surroundings. Just before we left, I can safely say we were happy with the path we had forged and were genuinely feeling positive, about the direction we were following. Today in 2020, I look back with fondness at the memories we made and although we had many ups and downs, for the most part, we did far better than we could have ever imagined. We began to live life again, in a way we hadn't before.

When the World returns to normal and Darrell I can be together again, I could quite happily return to Gran Alacant, that neatly packaged urbanization on the Costa Blanca. It is a place I know well, wrote about in the local magazine and has everything we need for a prosperous, relaxing future, but would that be just too easy? I am not a person who tends to return to places I have lived before; I like to journey onwards to a new, untested future; consequently, we have been looking at property further afield.

Living in Britain, I have been able to save a substantial nest egg, as has Darrell in Australia and today, we are lucky enough to be able to afford a property outright; nothing fancy, just a small villa, with enough space for us and family to visit. We would be rent and mortgage free and able to live either part or all of the year, in a country we both love. I would dearly like to remain on the South coast of Britain, working and being close to family, but also having a home abroad, more tailored to our way of thinking. In tune with our intention, to eventually relocate lock stock and barrel, to our European home, we would once again restart our life far away from these shores.

Property prices are more than reasonable in Spain, even more so in Murcia, where we have also been looking. I recently stumbled across a villa in Calle Aljibe Mazarron, a short drive from the beach, which would perfectly suit our needs. The price tag is well within our means and with only cosmetic work to do, both of us have discussed buying the Casa, site unseen. Of course this is a risk, but it is something we have done before, when we bought a house in Le Lande St Simeon, in France in 2001. It is certainly an option to consider, especially now, during a pandemic.

Darrell and I are taken with the property, and we are seriously considering the alternatives. This is of course, just one house we have seen and with an economic crash once again on the cards in Spain, it is clear there will be many more such bargains to buy. We do have to be realistic about where we can afford to live and careful not to go above our limit. I have never been great at budgeting or dealing with accounts, so I am more than happy to leave that side of our ventures, for Darrell to organise. Importantly, I am ecstatic to be feeling motivated and positive once again. Luckily I am a little more pragmatic these days and don't have high expectations or exorbitant, unobtainable aspirations; my mojo is back, and I am inspired to move forwards, even if I don't always show it!

Spain remains the destination of choice. We both have our residency cards and know the country, culture and customs well. Spain offers us the easy way to achieve our objectives, but there are of course many other options. I would be equally happy living near Darrell's family in Hrvatska, Croatia, moving closer to Australia, maybe living in Asia for a while or possibly another European nation - Italy or even Portugal being top of my list. Wherever we choose to eventually settle, at least for part of each year, you can be sure it won't be conventional. A casa in Valencia, cave house in Andalusia or camper van in Croatia, these are the possibilities to explore, the prospects for the future and scenarios for consideration. Our life will never be prevailing and mainstream and that's just how we like it; spontaneous, challenging and distinctly inconsistent!

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New Tiers and Birthday Cheers!

26/11/2020

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The Government has just announced what tiers regions will go into when the national lockdown ends on December 2nd. There was no surprise to hear that Portsmouth is going into Tier 2. This is a blow for The Newcome Arms, the local pub where I work, which will have to remain closed, probably until the spring; I'm sure all of us who work there are gutted and hope things will change soon. However, Portsmouth became an example of how not to act, in the final weeks before the lockdown, as people congregated in large groups, ignoring rules and only thought of themselves. As a city we had done so well to keep the virus levels low; a combination of frustration and fatigue has quite simply pushed us into tier two, for however long that remains!

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Britain has been living under some level of restriction for quite sometime now and if I am honest, moving into tier 2 will have very little impact on my life. It does nevertheless send a signal that COVID-19 has a long way to run, before we are all out of the woods.

I have never stopped taking precautions, trying to keep safe and protect myself, but there are elements who really just don't care about others. These are the ones who have caused the problems for the rest of society, and they know exactly who they are. I see them every day, not wearing masks, unable to socially distance and disrespecting those of us who have played by the rules and done what we are told. Personally I am sick and tired of their conspiracy theories, constant whinging and lack of empathy for those who are ill or worse, dying in hospitals up and down the Country, because of people like them.

Unlike the rest of Europe in particular, our Coronavirus restrictions have not been taken seriously by the local population and police and local authorities have had little or no powers to enforce the measures in place. I saw so many people blatantly ignoring the law, yet there was very little any of us could do. Most of us just had to sit back and take the challenging behaviour and that was a terrible indictment on Britain as a nation. If we had all pulled together and worked as one, we could be back to relative normality by now, but we just couldn't. Maybe it is part of the psyche of British people or just a uniquely British trait, but we do have a problem with following the rules and that is particularly concerning at times of real national emergency, like today. All of us are to blame for where we are!

Happy 48th Birthday Darrell!

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Darrell observed yet another milestone in Australia, celebrating his 48th Birthday. Again we are separated by circumstances, thousands of miles between us and a World in turmoil. As usual Darrell and I had our weekly chat about family, friends and the dreaded Coronavirus. Our lives really do seem so different at the moment, so much so I forgot to wish him a Happy Birthday, something I have never done. I don't mind telling all of you how guilty I felt and have tried to phone him since.

It is a sad fact that with our lives firmly rooted in different parts of the World, the milestones that make up our life together take a back seat. This isn't through recrimination or disinterest but pure and simply because of forgetfulness. When you don't live with someone any more, you do tend to forget the important things and that upsets me a lot.

Darrell and I always celebrated our Birthdays to the maximum. Year-on-year we would throw lavish fancy dress parties, inviting those closest to enjoy our respective days, but since our life was turned upside down in 2015, we have lost that part of who we are. The outgoing extrovert that hosted parties, was the life and soul, and never forgot an anniversary, has become old, forgetful and apathetic, and I am resentful of that fact. I detest old age and who I have become and long to travel back in time to better days, once again enjoying my life, with some truly wonderful characters.

Of course, I could witter on about me, feeling sorry for myself and bitter towards the World, but that isn't what this entry is about, it is about Darrell and his 48 years. I would like to be celebrating with him, but it just isn't possible. However, I can at least remember the' jamborees of Birthdays past' and the great times we enjoyed. Every year I would put up the Christmas Tree in time for Darrell's Birthday and fill the house with light, laughter and music. Dressing colourfully, we would party to the early hours; a tradition we continued until we left for Spain. A fridge full of beer and fully stocked cocktail cabinet, a table groaning with food and irate neighbours next door. Happy occasions that seem but a distant memory today, sat alone at home in the middle of a pandemic.

Next year will hopefully be different, the pandemic will be but a distant memory, we will have all been vaccinated and everything will be back to normal, but until then life will be very different. Talking to Darrell today, I was conscious of the memories we were no longer making together, it was a wake-up call, to fight even harder for our right to exist together as a couple, something we are well-used to having to do. Nothing is easy in this World, certainly not for us, so we just have to keep on battling, until the good times roll again!

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Surviving Alone!

23/11/2020

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As 2020 draws to a close, I have been thinking about the difficulties all of us have faced this year. Like most people I have had my own set of unique challenges to overcome, with differing degrees of success. I have definitely worried and stressed far more than usual and I have felt more alone than I ever have, probably since I was a child. Nevertheless, I am one of those lucky people who actually enjoys my own company and doesn’t have a problem spending time alone. This brings me to my blog entry today - ‘Surviving alone’

Lots of people I know have really suffered throughout this pandemic, finding daily life hard. With little or no work, all of us have had a lot of extra time on our hands and many of us have found the lack of stimulation hard to deal with. Most have had families to take care of, children to home school and gardens and homes to tend, as well as the normal daily activities of shopping, trying to keep fit and cooking for each other. For me, life has become tougher because I am not with the person I love. You would think I would be used to this by now, but the reality is, it just doesn’t get any easier to deal with.

I have just got off the phone to Darrell this morning, and we had a rather heated discussion. I suppose I was feeling rather alone and sensitive today, so sternly reminded him that we were ‘still married.’ Up until now, our conversations were upbeat and in truth we never discussed controversial subjects. I made a conscious effort to avoid issues that would make Darrell lose his temper. He has never been confrontational and has always blocked out subjects that caused him anxiety; to an extent I can see why, but it has been a year since we last saw one another and I felt we needed to discuss the seriousness of our situation.

I do feel like I am drifting at the moment, just existing, waiting for something positive to happen which never does. It appears that Darrell and I are on very different paths, pushing further and further apart, singing from incompatible hymn sheets and that is unnerving. We are very different people, with contrasting ideas, but we have always found common ground in our love for one another and desire to work through our many differences. With him living thousands of miles away, we have lost the ‘rationale’ that bound us tightly together and that makes me even more anxious.

Since 2016 our lives have been forking towards unconnected goals in distinctly dissonant countries. Two months after moving to Spain, looking forward to a new adventure, Darrell's Mother was diagnosed with Cancer, and we spent the next few years living apart. Darrell travelled between his Mums home in Western Australia and our home in Spain, time after time. I survived because of the support of friends from the Expat community, who became a major lifeline during this challenging period. They were there for a shoulder to cry on, to have a glass of wine on the terrace with and to offer advice when needed. These people became the family I didn’t have and lifted me up during some very dark days. Living apart from someone after twenty years, because of circumstances beyond your control is hard. Just when you think you have turned a corner, another obstacle is thrown in your path and once again you have to try and manoeuvre your way around it. Life becomes demanding, days seem longer and thoughts turn negative.

Despite our situation, we always knew we would be together again, even if we spent seven months apart. Planning for the future and discussing life after illness was a catalyst for positivity. On the days when I felt down, I was always able to force myself out of the doldrums, by focussing on the positive aspects of our relationship, that would surely follow. The old saying that love conquers all, was a statement I have never used so often during that period, always clinging on to hope in a World falling apart around me. This was a time I wrote, more than I ever have done and analysed my every mood, desire and fear; writing allowed me to express myself in a way I couldn’t otherwise. These were years that taught me much about myself and surviving with little or no money; this was a period of change and character building, making me the person I am today – frugal, astute, wiser and mature, all traits I had lacked before.

The new life we had worked so hard to achieve in Spain, applying for residencia and becoming a Spanish resident, had all turned to dust. On the day I left Spain for the last time, I was glad to be on my way, not because I disliked Spain, but because of the circumstances that surrounded my departure. If you ask anyone I knew at the time, they will testify as to my desire to integrate into Spanish life and really make a fresh start; the day I flew home, reinforced my failure for a dream that never materialised.

Today, nearly five years after we left for Spain, I am still living through the turmoil and upheaval that illness has wrought on our relationship. Four years on, Darrell's Mother is still battling cancer, and he is still in Australia, only this time, unable to return to the UK when he wants; this is a scenario that is beginning to impact my psyche and I have got to a point where I want my husband home, despite knowing that will not happen anytime soon.

It sounds selfish doesn’t it, wanting Darrell to return home because you miss them, yet in reality their place is with their Mother, who is suffering from Cancer. I can only say that as we move into 2021, I feel my life has been put on hold for long enough and I need to get back the sense of purpose I lost a lifetime ago.

I don’t think Darrell was particularly happy with certain aspects of my argument. We both find ourselves in a very precarious situation and arguing about events that now engulf our life is not the necessarily helpful today. After all neither of us can change what is happening in the World, despite negatively impacting on our own personal positions, which remain uncompromising. However, we still have to discuss matters that continue to shape our direction and I make no apologies for doing so.

As a couple, we will survive this period, because ultimately we have the same goal in life, to be together, happy and content, living the life, we both still dream about. The journey getting there is likely to remain bumpy for now, there doesn’t seem to be an end in sight for the uneasiness we are living through and I foresee a rocky future in the medium term. Until we get the answers we need from officials, we will have to continue fighting in the dark. The Home Office remain quiet, unable or unwilling to give us answers; solicitors are still very much oblivious as to what cause of action is best and borders remain closed. As the COVID vaccines begin to roll off the production line and the World begins to open up, we are planning a May reunion together, unless once again circumstances dictate otherwise, only time will tell!

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Confronting the Past!

28/9/2020

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I am currently in the middle of a two-week holiday from work. Darrell was due to fly to the UK for our 25th Anniversary last week, but as we all know, circumstances have prevented us being reunited after ten months apart. Like most couples in our position, we are doing what we can to make the most of our difficult situation. With the second wave of the pandemic sweeping through the country, it is likely we won't be able to see each other for a long time yet and are trying to work out a plan to overcome any worst case scenario. My Member of Parliament is on our case and after speaking with Darrell over the last seven days, I have suggested his West Australian MP also gets involved, hopefully working with mine and the Home Office to come up with an acceptable resolution for both of us. Only time will tell, if this strategy works!
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Last Wednesday I went to see my Father, the first time I have seen him since the pandemic broke in March of this year. I am still very reluctant to be in his company; I have three jobs and mix with a lot of different people, so the risks of exposure I encounter every day are more than I would like. However, my Father had arranged for us to talk socially distanced, in his conservatory, and we had a lot to discuss.

I haven't seen eye to eye with Dad recently, so it was the perfect opportunity to make my views count and clear up a few misconceptions. We talked for a good few hours about a number of different subjects; for the first time in my life, I was able to explain my feelings about my life growing up gay and just how it had affected my mental well-being. To be honest, like most parents, I don't think he fully understood just what I went through as a child, nevertheless this was an important first conversation to have and it felt as if we had started to lay ghosts to rests.

It wasn't until recently that I realised just what role my past has played in my life, especially during the last few years. Many of the health issues I have now, begun during a particularly traumatic childhood; coming to terms with them, has pushed me towards finally confronting my demons. Despite this, their significance has remained a constant source of angst and become a brutal reminder of a past I would rather forget in most respects.

It was important to speak with Dad about topics rarely discussed, we still don't fully understand each others point of view, but have certainly started the process of moving forwards positively. There are many things I want to forget and this is just the beginning of that conversation. In time, I hope both of us will finally understand one another.
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25 Years Together - An Anniversary Like No Other!

22/9/2020

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2020 has been a year we all want to forget; If I could wish this time away, I would. Today Darrell and I are celebrating 25 years together, a milestone, neither of us thought would happen. When I left the UK in 1995 with Darrell, wearing nothing but the clothes on my back, pulling a broken suitcase over Westminster bridge, towards our new life together, never would I have imagined where we would be today. Falling in love was easy, staying together against all the odds was hard, as we fought a system, geared against us, to remain together through thick and thin. Only a pandemic has forced us to live apart, during the most important milestone in our life.

Our relationship began at a time of change for same-sex couples. Civil Partnerships and Marriage were not yet legal and the Government of the day refused to admit our relationship even existed. There were no laws in place to protect us and recognise our commitment to one another. I was encouraged to leave Britain and restart my life elsewhere, somewhere more accepting of our de facto partnership; we were unable to remain together in the UK and our journey together was about to get rocky. This was the beginning of many battles, before both of us were finally recognised in the eyes of the law and allowed to stay together in Britain, six years later.

Darrell and I have campaigned and strived for equality all our lives. Our same-sex status was a stumbling block to our happiness, because we were treated as second class citizens; our sexuality was labelled as 'against the grain' and considered 'abnormal' to those in charge. We are still living under the auspices of the Immigration and Nationality Directorate; even today, both of us continue to live in a state of flux. Our life together is documented and recorded, and we have to prove every move we make, always remembering that we may be called to the Home Office at any stage, in order to clarify our adherence to each other. Not only do we have an obligation to inform the Immigration Department of our movements, but in the event of Darrell breaking the terms of his 'Indefinite Leave To Remain' visa, he would be ordered to leave the UK, or left unable to return - a situation we are facing today!

Darrell and I are in a precarious situation, probably facing the most difficult circumstances we have ever endured before. We have come up against many obstacles over the years and overcome each and every one of them, but this situation is immeasurably different. Darrell's Mother of course remains terminally ill in Australia and as her only child, Darrell is her chief carer, looking after her every day. We both agreed that he should spend these final months with her in Perth, while I returned to the UK to be with my family at an equally testing time.

Neither of us could have foreseen the pandemic that is currently raging across the World and our plans have been shattered. In order to meet the terms of his visa, Darrell can not remain outside the UK for too long and until recently, he was due to return to Portsmouth this month. With international boarders shut and flights banned across Australasia, this is no longer possible, and we are unable to see each other as we would have liked. More importantly we are hoping that Darrell's ability to travel is granted soon, before his right to return is cancelled under the terms of his visa.

I have managed to contact my local Member of Parliament Stephen Morgan, who has been proactive in his support for our case. He has written to the Home Office on our behalf in order to clarify our situation. Both of us are hoping the Government will waver the strict conditions of the visa at this time and should Darrell have to remain in Australia over a longer period, he will be allowed to return here unhindered, when circumstances allow, and we can carry on life much as before. I am of course a realist and understand just how right wing this Government is. It is unlikely they will look favourably at our case, but at least I have tried my best to highlight our difficulties.

Who would have thought we would be where we are today as a couple, living through a pandemic, separated by illness, thousands of miles away on the other side of the World. We are where we are and can't change what is happening, events are completely out of our control. I have never been any good at thinking positively, probably because my life has always been such a roller-coaster ride. However this is a time to concentrate on the here and now, live our lives one day at a time and continue saving hard for the post pandemic era. No matter how bad things are, Darrell and I, like all of you have a future ahead of us, and we will live our life very much as we have always done, for the next 25 years - unconventional, focused on our goals and always dreaming of something better. This year has tested us to our limits, but 2021 will extinguish the year that never was and hopefully open doors to new opportunities and a destiny that is ours for the taking.

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    48 year old Author and professional blogger. Expat formerly living in Gran Alacant on the Costa Blanca! Currently residing in my hometown of Portsmouth on the south coast of England!

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