This week has been seven days of hell where my health is concerned, so much so, I am thinking of taking matters into my own hands. I have so many conditions to contend with at the moment, that I literally don't know what ailment is causing which pain. It has become very hard functioning on a daily basis, without experiencing some sort of discomfort. I don't know how many times I have mentioned it to my GP, only to be fobbed off with a generalised answer, that is designed to make me feel better... WELL, I DON'T FEEL GOOD, I DON'T FEEL GOOD AT ALL!

After a series of Xrays on my back and hips, I had an appointment with Rheumatology this week, to discuss the results. As usual, I was expecting the worst and had mixed feelings about hearing from the consultant. As it happens, there was good and bad news, and it certainly wasn't as terrible as I thought it would be.

Luckily, I have been told that I don't have rheumatoid arthritis, which would have been the worst outcome of all. The signs were there, but the blood tests and xrays came back negative. The bad news was really as I expected. I have substantial damage to the discs and joints in my lower back, which have been causing me a lot of pain. The Doctor explained that ultimately I may have to have an operation, but as long as I can live with the aching, she recommended I do nothing yet. Also, I would be referred back to physiotherapy, which could now be more tailored to my own personal needs. As per usual, she suggested I lose weight, which is easier said than done. Despite all the walking I do on a daily basis, the pounds just seem to pile on.

Speaking to her about  my difficulty with weight loss and other chronic symptoms I have been experiencing, she hinted there may be a problem with my thyroid. A chat with my GP and more tests and referrals, could help me discover why I am feeling the way I am.  I'm sure my GP must think I am a hypochondriac at times, but after three years, she is used to my ongoing complaints. To be honest, looking at my constant push for answers, I have discovered many ailments, I never knew I had. You do have to be as vocal as you can, especially during a pandemic, because surgeries across the country are not working as they should and many people are being left in pain, like me. It is important for me to find out what is going on, so I can finally move on with my life.

On Thursday, whilst talking to Darrell on the phone, I was interrupted by a phone call from QA Hospital, from the surgical unit of the upper GI department. They had a date for my cholecystectomy operation to remove my gallbladder, finally, after a year and three months of waiting. I was informed the date would be 17 July and I would need to make arrangements to attend on that day. I am also required to self-isolate for three days prior to the operation and take a PCR COVID-19 test a few days before. Despite the logistical nightmare, of having a procedure during a pandemic, I was just relieved I would finally have my gallbladder removed and could hopefully start living a normal life again. Only time will tell whether this will be enough to stop the pain I experience on a daily basis, or if I will have to undergo more treatment in the future.

Today, whilst at work, I was contacted by QA Hospital once again to change the appointment date to the following week, due to no radiologist being available on that day. On the same weekend my Aunt is throwing her first party for close family and friends, I will be confined to a room upstairs. This is rather annoying if I am honest, but I am so desperate to have this operation, I will just have to do what is necessary. This is the only date available, and I just can't pick and chose right now.

On top of the conditions I suffer with, Diverticular Disease, GERD, a large Hiatal Hernia, gallbladder disease and narrowing of the spine, I also have IBS symptoms on a daily basis. As you would expect, my IBS is out of control at the moment. I always refer to IBS as 'my IBS' because all of us who suffer with it, have our own unique symptoms. This is an individual disease, that affects each of us differently. My symptoms are ongoing, every day, but thankfully some days are better than others.

Since my first severe symptoms more than three years ago, with careful planning, eating a relatively low FODMAP diet and medication, I have managed to control the worst aspects of IBS. I do, however, suffer more frequently now than I used to, just in a milder form. I have been told that the chronic conditions I experience, are at least in part responsible for the abdominal pain I have, but I just can't be sure by how much. IBS controls your whole life, sucks the lifeblood out of you and consumes every waking hour. Stomach, back, hip and pelvic pain is common, as well as a change in bowel habits, nausea, dizziness and depression. I am frequently reminded how I will have to live with this for the rest of my life, and I am constantly searching for solutions to help me cope with the anxiety and distress this causes.

I am hoping that after my operation, my IBS symptoms will subside, but I am told that may not happen, and there is a chance I could be left in a worse state than I am now. Having a cholecystectomy is no guarantee of normality, in fact it may well just be the beginning of a journey to repair the damage done to my body over many years. I have learned to live well again, eating healthy, no longer smoking or drinking and working hard to survive. I have rebuilt my life and become a much better person, but the years of neglect have taken their toll and I will most probably live with persistent pain for the rest of my days. Managing the challenging aspects of illness, and mitigating the worst characteristics of these complaints, should help me regain some form of control. As a wise man once told me, 'Don't let it control you, control it!' Removing the constraints I have lived under for so long, is my overriding priority now, beating back the spectre of illness and overcoming my concerns, offers a path of hope through a sea of pain!

I have had the busiest of weeks, working nearly fourteen days without a break. The Newcome is back open now and with extra shifts at work, I have a full schedule. At the moment I have had to limit my blogging to once a week, in order to fit everything in and will be volunteering as and when I can, when time allows. I don't normally function well under such circumstances, preferring a more relaxed attitude to work, but with little else to do, as we move out of lockdown, I am happy doing what I can to earn some extra money.

I have built up a substantial nest egg since the beginning of the pandemic; with holiday's and travel off the cards, I have been able to save in a way I haven't in the past. Usually I would be preparing to travel to Asia at this time of year, to meet Darrell, but with all flights to the far east grounded for the foreseeable future and Darrell unable to leave Perth, I have been concentrating my efforts on building a fund for our future.

Luckily I have learnt a lot since my hedonistic days, spending money quicker than I earned it, enjoying life far too much and having little or no cash to live on. Today I have been able to do something I have never done before, saving for the future when Darrell moves back home. Equally, Darrell has been saving money in Australia and by the time we both come together once again, we hope to have enough to purchase a property together. Of course the way the World is, nothing is for certain, but at least we will have options available to us, unlike the past, when we were very much at the mercy of circumstances, usually beyond our control!

During those rare moments, when I do have the time, I have been thinking about the 'what lies ahead' quite a lot. At the moment, the pandemic really does cloud judgement and offers little positivity, but this awful time will finally come to an end and all of us will get back to a new kind of normal. That will be an opportunity to live our life as we would have always wanted, not how others would expect.

Obviously, we have been discussing the direction we travel in for quite some time. It has helped tremendously to have dreams and aspirations during a time of crisis, and both of us look forward to a period when we can finally put those ambitions into practice and focus on the final leg of our journey together. Many people have asked us if we intend to return to Spain and pick up from where we left off. Both of us have considered this as a viable option, but it looks increasingly likely, this won't happen. When this pandemic finally comes to an end, it doesn't look likely there will be many opportunities left, for two older males looking for adventure. This was a dream that died in 2018, and it is probably best left there, during the period before Brexit and the virus that ravaged the World.

Family has become the linchpin of my life in recent years, in a way it wasn't before, and it appears like we will remain as close to loved ones as we can. My Father isn't getting any younger and I want to be able to spend as much time with him and of course my extended family as I can. Darrell, equally wants the same, as well as remaining in Europe, where he can be close to his Croatian family, maybe spending longer periods with them at convenient times of the year. I have missed travelling to Split and seeing Cousins Marin and Vlatka every year as we used to, and feel we need to reenergise that important relationship and rekindle family bonds, so important now, more than ever.

Living with my Aunt has been a God send and has allowed me to finally get on in life.  She has said, both Darrell and I can live here for as long as we want. To be honest I am more happy living here, than I have been living anywhere in the UK, so this will probably remain our British home of choice. I have grown used to living in Portsmouth now and enjoy having the large family around me. However, we still need to put down roots somewhere and continue to look for a home, either in the UK or further afield. I am toying with the idea of buying a small place in Scotland, Wales or on the borders, as well as looking for cheaper alternatives in Portsmouth. Property is very expensive here, but there are static and mobile home options along the coast, near the sea, where Darrell and I, or my Cousins and the kids, can get away for a holiday. This is the first time we have options, and the first time we are thinking sensibly, so for now both of us will just continue to work and save for the future.

Staying close to home makes more sense, especially as I get older. I do have many health issues to contend with, unsurprisingly, so access to the National Health Service is a must. Currently, I am waiting for two operations and four different procedures; I could be called at anytime and don't want to be too far from the UK. It looks likely my health will always be a source of concern, so limited or only private access to a European health system really isn't an option.

Every day I read of expats relocating back home, because they have lost many of their rights after Brexit, so it would seem foolish to do the opposite ourselves. The NHS does have many problems, but it is a system I understand well and costs me nothing to be a member. My working rights exist here in Britain; I no longer have the option of working in the EU. So it looks like it's time to settle down in the place I know the best and forget the dream of a European life. We both enjoyed our time in Spain immensely, but it no longer makes sense long term. Our closeness to the EU will always be there; through family and historic links, we will always journey to the continent on a regular basis. Nonetheless, our life together will be firmly tied to Britain and both of us intend to make the most of that adventure together.

The last time I discussed the future was in December 2020. Back then I still had a yearning for returning to Spain and in many respects I still do. I have come to realise over the last six months, however, that dreams don't necessarily make for practical solutions. Expats are returning from all over Europe because we voted to leave the EU and there are perfectly reasonable reasons why. The 90-day rule, means that unless you are a resident, you will have to leave the EU/Schengen area every three months. This would be totally impractical for Darrell and I, impacting our life and derailing our plans. Unable to earn the required salary in Spain, leaving us on a limited income, we would be much better off living in the UK and all the security and benefits that affords. Yes this is a blow, but it also offers a glimmer of hope to look else where, possibly Asia, where we both love equally; a natural home, where we could finally be happy together.

For now, we remain content to live in the UK, spending time with family and planning for the decade ahead; staying grounded for now, changing course when feasible and keeping dreams alive consistently, life is always evolving. We intend to adapt with the changing tide, always looking for new horizons; nothing is for certain in our unconventional life, just the rollercoaster we continue to ride, the difficulties we were born to overcome and the expectations we subsist to pursue.

It's been eight days since I put pen to paper, or rather fingers to keys, and I've had the busiest time; I just don't seem to get a moment's peace lately. I've never been a person to genuinely unwind or chill and on occasion I really notice that fact; the resulting stress can be too much, causing all sorts of problems for my wellbeing. IBS is just one of the issues I have to work around, because I have never learnt to deal with the stress of life. Writing is the only mechanism I have to relax; it helps me process everything that is going on in my life and deal with circumstances I would otherwise ignore. This week I could have done with a few hours blogging, quietly in my bedroom, instead, I am having to write this entry, after a long nine-hour shift. Writing under such constraints can affect my writing, and it shows through the words I use. All of us need to make time for the things we enjoy, in order to create a more congenial environment in which to thrive.

I did manage to speak with Darrell briefly over the last week, however, as we begin the process of organising his return to the UK. This is no easy task in the current climate; no longer can you jump on a plane and fly to the other side of the World. A suitable care package will have to be arranged for Mum, in case Darrell is unable to return and her health deteriorates. He will have to apply for an exemption to travel, three months before he intends to fly and of course, both of us will have to monitor COVID restrictions carefully, in case things make a turn for the worst. Nothing is easy anymore, we are back where we were in 1998, and it's going to get harder.

Suddenly things have got hectic again, after nearly six months of lockdown. I have gone from working as little as possible and getting paid furlough from the pub where I work, to grafting 24/7. Don't get me wrong, I am fine with work and enjoy working hard, but in my 50th year, I should be taking it a little easier, not working every hour that God sends. The reality is, I need to make more time to do the things I love and take a step back when I am able, instead of agreeing to do everything for other people, getting very little in return.

My IBS has been chronic lately, I have had symptoms every single day, and they are getting worse. I am doing everything I can to try and control the symptoms, but my life has just become so damn stressful; the anxiety I feel is overtaking my life, consequently exacerbating my IBS symptoms. Trying to get Darrell back home for November has become my overriding priority and the steps we are having to take, is bringing back memories of our struggle to stay together in the late 1990s. If I am truthful, I am probably suffering with some form of depression and need something to help - therapy, medication or a friendly shoulder to cry on. I am finding this period difficult to manage, especially with my growing workload and need to rethink my current Situation.

Being back at Cancer Research has brought me close to the people I care about once again, laughing, joking and talking about everyday mundane stuff, that I haven't been able to do for so long. This is the outlet that I need each week, to get me through, but it is also a time when I should be taking it easy; integrating it into my schedule can be hard. I am going to have to make some adjustments in order to continue doing what I love most. This week will be a time to rework my life in order to continue moving in the direction I want.

After speaking with my Doctor this week, I am taking back control of my destiny. I have suffered with various aches and pains for too long now and have started demanding answers. Under GP supervision, I have cut back the statins I take for high cholesterol by half; after reading about the side effects, that could be responsible for the way I am feeling, I think I may have stumbled across some much-needed answers. It has been a week since I changed my medication and surprisingly, I am starting to feel a lot better. Maybe these little pills were causing me problems, maybe it's just psychosomatic or maybe, just maybe, I need to start doing things on my terms.

I have contacted Queen Alexandra Hospital, to try and push my gallstone operation forward and am also trying to discover when I have been scheduled to undergo colon and endoscopies. These are all part of the crucial investigations into the nature of the pain I am experiencing. My GP, is also writing to them to plead my case, for urgent examinations to begin as soon as possible, since my symptoms are getting worse. There are no guarantees of course, but I hope the more I harass and cajole, the more responsive they will be. I haven't felt good for a long-time now and just want to feel normal again. My Doctor seems to think, that when Darrell returns from Australia, all my problems will just disappear. I personally have my doubts; there is more to this than a simple return to normality; only time will tell.

On a positive note, with lockdown finally over on 17th May, I was back working behind the bar at the Newcome Arms. After seeing familiar faces once again, as cliché as it sounds, it really did feel like I had never been away. Colleagues and customers have always played an important role in my life in Portsmouth, and it was difficult being apart during the height of the pandemic. Returning to this backstreet pub was a sure sign normality was returning once again, at least in the short term. This was the first job I had in Portsmouth, after my return from Spain, and it is probably the most important for that reason. The people who frequent The Newcome are family friends first and foremost, my boss is a good and trusted friend and I feel comfortable in the company of colleagues, I have known for a long time now. These first small steps back to the way things were, will be difficult, but the little public house on the corner of Newcome Road, is a step back in time to the future all of us crave.

When I look at the state of the World today, I am lucky to be working at all. It was fortunate I returned home when I did in 2018, had I  still been in Spain when the pandemic hit, my life could have been very different. This week has offered a rare insight into life after COVID-19, and it's pretty much the same as it was before the virus. As long as we all remain vigilant and the Indian variant doesn't take hold in every corner of the country, all of us should be able to breathe a 'half sigh' of relief, looking forward to a life that was put on hold, eighteen months ago!

If there was a phrase to describe the last few days it would be 'One step closer.' Yesterday Darrell and Mum finally received their first dose of AstraZeneca vaccine at his Doctors surgery in Australia. This is great news, not only for Darrell and his Mother, but also for us.

I believe Australia has performed only about two million vaccine doses so far, out of 25.3 Million citizens; this equates to less than ten percent of the population. It is true to say that Australia have been particularly slow at administering the vaccine, but circumstances haven't always been in their favour. The European Union were quick to block shipments to the continent, when their own vaccination strategy faltered and supplies have been redirected to Papua New Guinea in order to help control a severe outbreak of COVID-19 there. Australia also has the virus pretty much under control and hasn't needed a fast  immunisation roll out, in the same way the UK and Europe have for example. Quite simply, this island nation can afford to wait a little longer than other countries and has been in no rush to ramp up its programme.

Of course their seemingly apathetic response has been a source of concern for Darrell and I. I didn't want Darrell travelling to the UK without his vaccine, so we have been very fortunate that he has been given it so early. My Mother-in-Law's terminal cancer status, was the clear factor in pushing him to the top of the vaccine list. As her full-time live in carer, he has to be fully protected, along with Mum. There was no point in  her having the first dose and Darrell not, it would have defeated the whole object. Darrell was immediately added to the list of patients who fell into the top category and prioritized at the earliest opportunity.

Speaking to Darrell this morning, he doesn't seem to have had any adverse reaction to the jab, except for the few minor symptoms you normally get after a vaccine.  With his second one due in July, he should be far more confident when flying to Britain in November. It is a weight off both our minds, and we are both thankful he has now had his first inoculation.

This may well be one step closer to us being reunited once again, but this is only just the beginning. After taking legal advice, Darrell has contacted his federal representative in the Australian Parliament, The Honourable Ken Wyatt AM MP, who will help him obtain an exemption to leave Australia in six months time. It is clear, after speaking to a legal executive, that it is unlikely, Australia will relax their travel ban any time soon. It is only with the help of politicians and other groups, that Darrell will be allowed to leave and maintain his 'Indefinite Leave to Remain' visa, here in The United Kingdom. If he fails to get that exemption, then he will quite possibly lose his right to live here, having to reapply to enter on a 'Returning Resident Visa.'

There is still a lot of hard work ahead for both of us, as we continue to navigate this new World, but with a little bit of positivity and luck, we should be reunited at some point this year, Until then, we are continuing to maintain our long distant relationship in the best way we can, looking forward to the day we see each other again

Back home in Britain, I am also one step closer to discovering what has been causing my severe back, hip and pelvic pain. Yesterday I had an appointment at Queen Alexandra Hospital in Cosham, to have a series of XRAYS done, so my Rheumatologist can determine the source of suffering. I have been waiting a long time for this appointment, just as I have to get Darrell back home, so it is yet another weight lifted. After some blood tests next week, my consultant should have as much information as he needs, to at least make some form of preliminary diagnosis.

If one was to measure just how far we have both come this week, it would be 'off the scale.' Both of us have had our first jabs, the legal process has started, to allow Darrell to travel, and I am not too far away from discovering a source of agony I have been dealing with for nearly four years. Both of us can take a little time to ourselves, breathe a sigh of relief and look forward to a more rewarding outlook, at least until the next hurdle pops up... Now is the time to focus on the end goal and not look back; the next six months will be crucial in the direction both our lives take.

It's been eight days since I last blogged, rather a long time for me. The truth is,  I've had an extremely busy week work wise and just haven't had the time. Today is the first day, I have just been able to relax and unwind;  every bone in my body aches, but after a perfect nights sleep, I feel great and ready for anything.

I have always tried to limit the amount of hours I work in order to concentrate on the things I love. I don't need to work the long days I have in the past, and I am quite happy with the thirty or so hours I dedicate each week. It allows me to save for the future and keep my head above water until Darrell comes home, and we decide what we are going to do for the rest of our lives. These past seven days however, I have taken on extra shifts, while people are on holiday and have worked far more than I usually do.

It has been a particularly uplifting few days at work. As an organisation we have been raising money for Cancer Research, my charity of choice, especially as I also volunteer for them when I can. Wearing pink, we have created awareness about a subject many of us find hard to discuss and talk about.

The pandemic has prevented many charities from raising money, so this was probably one of the first opportunities we have had, to really get Cancer Research involved in our efforts as a shop. Representatives were finally allowed through the doors to help promote the good work they do, and it did feel very close to the old days, before COVID-19. It was inspiring to be back doing what we all do best as a company. I have worked for many charities in the past, some better than others, but Tesco really do go that extra mile, and it shows in the dedication they have towards local and national groups who all need our help at this time.

It was quite apt that we were collecting money for Cancer Research this week; on Saturday I received some news, that I wish I really hadn't. I'm sure readers of Roaming Brit will recall dear 'Mrs F,' a lady who I had formed a close friendship with over the last year, during the pandemic. Well sadly she has been diagnosed with cancer, leaving an extremely heartfelt message on my phone explaining her diagnosis.

Mrs F sounded extremely frail and upset, understandably so, expressing a wish to see me before she passed away, so she could say goodbye. I felt extremely emotional and upset at this terrible news, but understand how important it is to see my lovely friend before she dies. Cancer is such a terrible disease, half of us will experience it in some form during our lifetime. It is so important to do what we can, as human beings, to help those closest, get through such a tough, burdensome time. Mrs F's diagnosis isn't good, and it is especially pertinent for me to see her as soon as I can. She was an important person in my life, especially after the death of my Mother and I want to make sure she understands how much I care.

I am due at the hospital myself this week, to have some XRAY's done on my back and pelvis, so my Rheumatologist, can determine the source of pain I have had over the past few years. It will also be the perfect opportunity to see Mrs F and say a final farewell.

There appears to be so much death in the headlines at the moment and as a person who overthinks situations, it often plays on my mind somewhat. The COVID Pandemic does seem on the surface at least, to be under control here, and I think all of us can breathe a sigh of relief. My own father has had his second vaccine and mine is due in a little over a month. After another negative test result from COVID yesterday, I am feeling far more confident about the future, than I have done in many months. However not all countries are doing so well.

Last week I highlighted Brazil's huge failure in dealing with Coronavirus. Its right wing President has little or no concern for the people he is supposed to represent and the death toll is in the hundreds of thousands. Looking at the news this week, I was shocked to see another country in a similar, if not worst position.

India, a country my Aunt knows well, having travelled there many times before, is suffering in a way none of us can fully comprehend. The news reports from this hugely populated country are grim. Photo's of burning bodies, being cremated in groups along the sides of rivers, as people die in the streets through lack of oxygen and medical supplies is deeply disturbing. These are photographs depicting scenes from hell and I can't express how unsettled I was to witness them.

Yet another failed right wing government is sacrificing its people, ignoring the scale of the unfolding disaster across the nation. This is a country that can afford to send rockets into space, but can't or won't protect its citizens. The failures of the pandemic are clear to see, and they exist in the policies of countries who care little for their people, where free market ideals take priority over saving lives and lockdowns are only used when all else has failed. The COVID crisis has really underlined the abject blunders and collapse of policies that have proven bankrupt when dealing with the protection of human life during a crisis. The last few years really have shown just how substandard and atrocious our world leaders are; I hope this will be a catalyst for change, I'm afraid it will just be ignored, like many logistical disasters of the past.

.... And finally - Darrell and I are beginning to work out the timescale for his return to the UK. Mum in law's cancer seems to be under control now and able to be managed, when he returns, which is good news. My fingers are crossed for him receiving his first vaccine this week and both of us can at least see a chink of light at the end of the tunnel. Of course nothing runs smooth in our life, but hopefully we can be a little more positive especially with the pandemic under control in the UK. Australia have entered a three-day lockdown however and the hope is it will be enough to control an outbreak of the Indian strain of the virus.

As winter turns to summer, so to my mood turns from pessimism to optimism. All of us have had our struggles to endure this last year and a half, but unlike so many others, most of us have survived relatively unscathed. When Autumn returns, I will finally be able to count the days before Darrell's return and hopefully look forward to a virus free World; until then we keep battling on!

The 'Rule of Six' returned this week, after a four-month break. The UK has started to relax the strict lockdown we have been living through and on 29th March, we were finally allowed to meet a select number of friends and family outside. This has given me a sense of optimism, during one of the most testing periods in all our lives. Even I decided to bite the bullet and arrange to go for a walk with a friend and colleague from work Karl; highly unusual for me, as I have kept very much to myself during this pandemic. However, with one vaccine jab under my belt, I felt confident enough to enjoy the company of another outside, in the beautiful spring sunshine.

The weather was glorious on Monday and although there was a slight breeze along the coast, it was perfect for a leisurely walk along the promenade. As it happens Karl and I walked over seven miles, enjoying our new-found freedom.

Walking Karl's two beautiful dogs, we spent three hours getting out and about. I haven't been able to chat so much with someone in a log time; talking about our respective lives, it felt great to communicate at a human level again. With both of us partnered, we were able to talk about an aspect of life we both have in common. Darrell is of course ten thousand miles away in Australia, so it was refreshing to speak with someone who understands the trials and tribulations of being in a relationship. I miss being close to my husband, and Karl has reinforced my determination to fight even harder to get Darrell and I back to the way we were.

I have a lot planned for the weeks ahead, arranging to spend time with my best friend Ramona on April 18th and planning my own 50th Birthday on the 9th May. Darrell is also looking forward to returning to the UK, when pandemic restrictions allow. His first vaccination is due on 15th April, although Australia remains extremely behind with their inoculation programme. However, we still hope he will be fully protected when he is due to travel in November.  Both of us are also continuing to save hard for the future. Neither of us have spent any money nor travelled anywhere over the last year, so we should have enough funds to buy our own home when he returns. Like most things in our life, it will not be a conventional choice of property, as we set our sites on a number of different options, from a motorhome, getaway abroad or holiday home in the UK. Whatever we choose, we want it to fit around our lifestyle, so a standard house, will probably not suit our needs.

As I walked around Portsmouth on Monday, I was struck by how familiar this city has become. I like being able to walk from one side to the other with relative ease and most importantly, I enjoy living near a beach, being able to enjoy the sea air and get away from the hustle and bustle of the city. When Darrell returns towards the end of the year, this would be the ideal base for us, even if we decide to continue with our travels around the World.

The pandemic has shown me just how important my relationship is, and it has made me cherish my time with Darrell more and more, appreciating what we have, even if we are separated by circumstances. As we gradually work our way out of lockdown, re-entering the real world once again, it is clear, life will never be the same, but this offers us opportunities for the future and promotes a return to values, both Darrell and I had forgotten; this is indeed the beginning of something new!

Later on today I finally get my AstraZeneca vaccine at St James' Hospital in Portsmouth, after booking it a week ago. Even with all the scare stories circulating, about blood clots being caused by this jab and European countries stopping using this particular vaccine, I am finally looking forward to having it. Unlike the rest of the EU, I am not frightened or apprehensive about having this particular inoculation. I understand the importance of getting back to normal, which all of us need to do as soon as possible.

Darrell and I have been talking more than usual over the last few weeks, as we try and get to grips with our own situation. I should be fully protected by 9 June, when I receive my second dose of AstraZeneca, but Darrell, living in Australia, has no idea when his vaccine will be administered. Australia is understandably moving a lot slower than the UK. To be honest, it really has no reason to rush its vaccine roll out, since it has little or no cases, but that doesn't help us and our relationship.

Darrell has to return to the United Kingdom by November, in order to keep within the terms of his visa. Despite the Worldwide pandemic, the British government is refusing to waver the 'two year' rule, stating, if he remains out of the country over this time limit, he can just apply for a 'Returning Resident Visa.' This is easier said than done; the amount of paper work involved in reapplying for resident status is huge, much more complicated than either of us would have anticipated, especially after we have been together for nearly twenty-six years. Therefore, we are determined to be reunited in November as planned; this will however be no mean task.

Britain's vaccine roll out is going remarkably well, unlike Australia. I think the last time I looked at the official figures they had only immunized 0.4 percent of the population, compared to 50 percent here in the UK. There is a marked difference in the approach both countries are following, so with time moving ever forwards, both Darrell and I are mindful of our personal time constraints.

Darrell is in category 1b of the Australian vaccine programme. As the carer of an extremely vulnerable elderly person, it is important he is vaccinated at the same time as his Mum. According to his Doctor, this second phase should begin in the middle of April. Of course, it isn't quite that simple. The authorities are three weeks behind and with Europe blocking supplies of vaccine entering Australia, it is anyone's guess when he will actually receive his first dose, let alone get his second jab. Both of us are justifiably anxious as to how this will all pan out and are busy making contingency plans should the worse happen.

Darrell needs both doses of vaccine before his flies to London. Getting a second dose would be difficult once in Britain, due to the administrative differences. Alternatively he may receive a vaccine with less than a three-month wait in-between doses, as in the case of Pfizer. Or he could wait to receive both jabs when he eventually arrives in the UK, but this would not be our preferred option. I don't want Darrell travelling on a plane, especially for twenty-four hours, without the protection he needs. Also, it is likely most airlines and governments will have 'vaccine passport' schemes in place before he is due to fly and without the inoculations, he wouldn't be able to leave Australia anyway. You can imagine our frustration at the moment; If I thought my life was fraught before marrying a foreign citizen, just think how much worse it is today, in the middle of a pandemic.

From day 1 our relationship has never been easy; it has always been an uphill struggle dealing with officials, trying to remain together in an unforgiving World. Coronavirus has tested us both in ways we could have never envisaged. Darrell and I have always found a way around the constraints our life together has brought, but living apart during COVID-19 has been the worst of all nightmares, that just continues giving.

We do remain hopeful, that circumstances will finally turn in our favour, but we are also realistic, that the progress made during this pandemic could so easily change for the worse. Not until Darrell finally sets foot on British soil once again, safe and well, will we both be happy and at peace again. No one could have foreseen this situation a few years ago, and we can only remain positive in the face of this virus. All of us have our Corona stories to tell, but in contrast to most of you, my life remains on hold, long after the relief you feel after receiving your vaccines. I hope 2021 will finally be our year and Darrell and I can get back to normal and put this dreadful time behind us. Unlike so many others, we are both alive and well and have our future ahead of us, for that we remain grateful; let the hard work begin!

Darrell has been busy volunteering for a charity in Western Australia over the last few weeks - 'Express  Wildlife Rescue!' After the recent bush fires that engulfed Western Australia subsided, many thousands of native animals were left orphaned. This small charity is doing all it can to help those in greatest need. You can of course donate to 'Express Wildlife Rescue' by clicking the links throughout today's blog entry. Like all charities, funds are in short supply and the more help you can give to help the better.

Darrell has been helping to feed and care for orphaned Joeys (baby Kangaroo's.) These tiny babies, left in their Mothers pouch after they died, are rescued by dedicated volunteers, who are having to heartbreakingly remove them, taking them to the rescue centre to be cared for. Joeys need a lot of looking after and have to be nurtured for three years, before they are able to look after themselves. It is a painstaking job hand rearing these beautiful marsupials; without the commitment of volunteers like Darrell and many others, 'Express Wildlife Rescue' wouldn't be able to carry out the work it does!

I am happy Darrell has finally been able to undertake some voluntary work in Australia. It is difficult when you are supporting an elderly or ill relative, so the opportunity to take a break from the pressures of life and do something to help your local community, is a good way of staying focused and in touch with the outside world. It can be a lonely task, caring for a loved one, so above all contact with other people is important.

Life in Western Australia is carrying on as normal, so it is lucky Darrell has been able to source a position which allows him time to breathe, chat to other volunteers and help save lives. I have always enjoyed volunteering myself, for many years and hope Darrell can also gain some much-needed satisfaction from his time at the rescue centre; I know I am in awe at the work he is championing!

For me looking in, I have also been able to see a side of life I wouldn't otherwise have seen. I am aware of the seasonal bush fires that threaten Australia, but like most people I didn't understand the extent of the damage caused to wildlife throughout this diverse country. I may well have had many challenges living in Australia twenty years ago, but I can appreciate the allurement and distinctiveness this Country represents. The amazing ecosystem needs to be preserved and protected at all costs, so the more Australians do to help, the brighter the future will be.

Another week has passed and after four months of lockdown it has been time to shave my unruly mop - both of us are bald now, looking every inch our age; just part of the course as I reach my 50th year. Looking through old photographs earlier, I am reminded of the fulfilled life we have both led; this pandemic is but a small hiccup in the road we are currently following. The fact that we are both living apart temporarily should never affect our plans for the future This is a time to push even harder, as we become ever more determined to achieve the goals we have set together, the dreams we have yet to follow and the ambitions we continue to seek!

It's Friday, not a day I usually blog, because I am normally beavering away at work by now, however this week, once again, I am self Isolating. Yesterday I received yet another message from 'Track and Trace,' to isolate, after coming into contact with someone who has reported they have Coronavirus symptoms. I've lost count how many times I have had to do this now, but it must be about three or four. Yes it is tiresome, inconvenient and exasperating, but unlike others, I understand the importance of doing it. It was interesting to see on the news last night, that around twenty-eight thousand  people are actually ignoring the notifications and carrying on as normal. Why, just why would you? If you have the app on your phone, follow it and do the right thing for Christ’s sake, it is your civic duty.

As usual, I have no idea how or why I came into contact with whoever this person is, but I have a good idea. When I am working, I am protected from the general public by a perspex shield, so there is no need to have my 'Track and Trace' app turned on. In fact the service have told me to turn it off. Nevertheless, I did have a Hospital Appointment on the day I would have been exposed, so this could be the reason why I am isolating yet again. Like everyone else I will never know who gave my details and I will remain in the dark, which is probably a good thing.

I do have concern about the timings involved. I received a message yesterday to isolate for five days, which means If I did have COVID-19, I would have been walking around for five days, following my usual routine, not knowing I could have been passing on this deadly virus. One can only assume the person who reported symptoms, didn't do so soon enough or the results of the test came through later than one would have expected. It is so important people are notified quickly, to stop the spread; this is the second time I have had a very short quarantine period, which says something is going wrong with the system. Let's hope that the Government gets its act together and of course the public actually follow the rules and report symptoms as soon as they get them!

On a positive note, it is great to see the UK's vaccination programme really ramping up. When I listened to the news yesterday, ten and a half million people had already received their first dose of the vaccine. This is great news; the sooner all of us are immunised, the quicker we will get back to normal. The crucial thing is, everyone who is offered a jab, takes the jab. I am sick and tired of the conspiracy theories and the anti-vaxxers. These people know nothing about this virus and its impact on families and need to take a long hard look at themselves. Their views are abhorrent and wrong and deserve no air time. Shocking scenes of these people storming hospital wards, accusing health care professionals of 'murder' is beyond comprehension, It highlights the odious lack of understanding and education. It is an appalling indictment on a small, yet vocal minority of the population, that mistakenly believe this virus is a hoax, it just makes me want to cry!

One piece of news I did find a little hard to stomach this week, was Europe's reaction to our Vaccination programme. Predictably, they slammed our efforts, implying we were taking risks with peoples lives, having not tested the vaccines properly. At one stage they threatened Britain with a hard Northern Irish border, trying to divert valuable medicines to the European Union. The vindictive nature of their behaviour, trying to restrict the amount of vaccine made in the EU, travelling to the UK, because we had actually ordered and secured batches three months before, beggars belief. They were willing to disrupt supply to those who needed it most, in order to save face. It is their bureaucracy that has delayed their immunisation programme; it has nothing to do with us. Luckily they backed down at the last minute as Europe invariably does. My love hate relationship with Europe has once again been tested. Having reversed my stance on Brexit, I was once again brought to boiling point, by Europe's actions. Their conduct is the reason I voted to leave, this just creates more negativity, when we should all be working together.

This week we saw the death of a hero, the superstar of this pandemic, an ex serviceman, Knight of the Realm and champion of the National Health Service. Sadly Captain Sir Tom Moore, who raised thirty-nine million pounds for NHS charities died of Pneumonia and Coronavirus, succumbing to the disease, he had fought against throughout 2020. This man, who in his 99th year, walked a hundred laps of his garden, raising millions, was a loss that's hard to countenance.

Sir Tom was the constant in all our lives last year; his positive outlook, cheerful disposition and stoicism in the face of tragedy carried all of us through the worst of the pandemic. This national treasure was an inspiration during dark times, a man who encouraged many to raise yet more money for charities up and down the country and was known throughout the World for his efforts. Losing this gentle soul in his 100th year, was a tragic day for everyone with an ounce of empathy and compassion. His loss will be felt by all of us, especially his family and those who knew him best.

I would like to offer my sincere condolences to Sir Toms family at this sad time and hope his legacy will live on, long after the pandemic has gone. It is people like him that epitomise the plucky British spirit, sense of duty and strength in the face of adversity. A man unknown just a year ago, rose to the challenges of a virus, that could have taken his life at any stage and became a living, breathing hero, who none of us will forget. The man of the moment will forever live in the hearts of a nation who needed his courage, in order to face the challenges ahead. His achievements will always be remembered, in death as they were in life.

I did manage to speak to Darrell briefly over the last few days and he is phoning me every day whilst I am self isolating. To be honest it is the only time we actually get to talk more often. Having to lock myself away for a week isn't ideal, but it does give me a little bit of 'me' time that I wouldn't otherwise have.

Darrell has also been isolating this week, not because of possible contact with someone who has tested positive for COVID, but because Western Australia entered a brief total lockdown. A security guard, tested positive for the more deadly UK strain and had been working several jobs, bringing him into contact with many different people. The authorities there were understandably concerned about a potential outbreak and immediately did the right thing, closing the state.

Darrell was unsurprisingly frustrated; unlike us Brits, he isn't used to the mandatory mask wearing and rule adherence. When I phoned him today, he told me they had come out of lockdown, after everyone who had come into contact with the virus had tested negative. Once again I can't fault Australia for their quick reaction to a situation, that could have so quickly got out of hand and once again Darrell and Mum can breathe a sigh of relief.

Bush fires have also been raging in Western Australia, just 2 km from where we used to live in Ellenbrook. Of course this isn't entirely unusual, but their proximity to the city is and is also a concern for Darrell and the residents who live there.

Wherever you are in the World at the moment, there does seem to be an overbearing number of problems and disturbances to deal with - COVID, wildfires, political unrest in Burma, famine in Africa and the after effects of Brexit. All of these issues seem to indicate a time of turbulence, that I haven't really witnessed in my lifetime. As a planet we have enjoyed prosperity and progress up to now and enjoyed a relatively peaceful period, free from the unrest and turmoil of the past. 2020 has shown us, fate is always round the corner waiting to rear its ugly head and all of us should prepare for the worst. My generation had become too complacent, it's time all of us woke up to the challenges, that will dominate all our lives from now on.

So, I have another four days of self-isolation to go before I can get back to work, which is going to drive me bonkers once again. I am taking the opportunity to catch up on some reading, blogging and sorting out by IBS symptoms. Today I am fasting for twenty-four hours, which always helps to reset my stomach. Already the pain has subsided, as I just drink green tea and water, and although I am feeling a bit dizzy and tired, I am at least enjoying the benefits of a pain free day.

I'm not really sure why fasting helps, but from what I believe it is about giving the stomach time to rest, without having to process any food; whatever the reasons, it seems to work for me. At a time when all of us should be thinking about our own personal well-being, exercising, eating healthily and doing whatever we can to avoid the terrible effects of Coronavirus, should we be unfortunate to contract it, it is important for me at least to look after my digestive system. When my tummy feels good, so do I. If I can only lower my stress levels as well, I should hopefully weather the storm until it is my turn to be vaccinated, until then it will be more of the same - isolating, mask wearing, social distancing and sanitizing one's hands. Nothing lasts forever and like all of you, I long for the day life returns to normal; stay safe everyone, stay safe!

I've had a bit of a funny week this week, probably because I've had too much time on my hands. About a year ago I took a DNA test, as I tried to trace ancestors for my family tree. I had a high degree of success as well, finding relations all over the World, although how I ended up with family in some of the more obscure places, is anyone's guess. My Grandfather was a merchant seaman, so collating all the information, one could assume many possibilities. Discovering cousins from every corner of the globe and their connections to me and my lineage is a story, for another day, but it has made me delve deeper into my DNA.

Last week I was contacted by a medical research company who asked if they could use my  DNA data for research they were carrying out, and I agreed; the results were eye-opening and one hundred percent accurate. For example, I had confirmation, that I had keloid skin, something I already knew, from an operation I had in the 1980s. Also, I discovered my blood group, which is 'A' and not what I expected at all. I always believed I had an 'O' blood type, but apparently not. Of course, being someone who suffers with health anxiety, I decided to look up the implications of this new revelation and was horrified at the result. It seems that 'A' blood types are weaker in every sense. It was the oldest of all the groups, but also the one with a shorter life span, more incidents of cardiac arrest, stroke and cancer and... the list goes on. By the end of the research, I was ready to just give up on life altogether. In truth, I wish I hadn't bothered to discover my blood type, it has just caused me more anxiety than ever. As someone who suffers from OCD, this isn't one, I'm going to let go!

I also noted that people with blood type 'A' were more susceptible to COVID-19, not something a sensitive homosexual with health anxiety really wants to hear. True to form, I looked closer at the implications and discovered the statistics used to back up these findings, were not quite as they seemed. We are indeed more vulnerable to Coronavirus, but we tend not to get it as severely, with lower numbers of my blood group ending up on a ventilator needing intubation. Honestly, I got so engrossed with reading about the negative aspects of 'A' blood types, that I literally had literature everywhere - One article contradicting another, differing views and opinions, papers and journals; in the end I just gave up, none the wiser, about my blood type relevance!

Having suitably wound myself up, over my own mortality, it was quite apt that I had an appointment at the cardiac clinic here in Portsmouth this morning. My Doctor had ordered a cardiology test, due to an abnormal ECG I had a few months ago, ongoing arrhythmia problems and continual dizzy spells since April. I attended a distinctly deserted unit at 8.15 am this morning, where I was told I had to wear a 'holter monitor' for seven days, so my hearts activity could be evaluated, in order to discover any abnormalities that may be occurring. Wearing one for seven days will be a bit of a challenge, especially whilst sleeping at night, but it is something I have to do. Dizziness, blurry vision and unsteadiness has been plaguing my life for the last nine months, and I need to find answers.

Various Doctors and consultants have mentioned a possible connection with my heart problems and Coronavirus, something I have thought about myself.  I am however mindful of my own level of fitness. I have put on a stone in weight since Christmas and the anxiety and stress I suffer with every day, seems to be exacerbating the symptoms. On the plus side, my blood pressure appears to be stable, but my heart rate irregular and much slower than it was. I am just hoping I can begin to get to the bottom of this as soon as possible.

After speaking to Darrell over the last few weeks, he also has his own problems to deal with. Both of us are heading towards our respective 50th Birthdays, with all the difficulties that entails. Neither of us are getting any younger and after living a rather fulfilled life shall we say, we are both aware of just what is around the corner. As someone who smoked cigarettes for well over thirty years, I understand I won't be living to a ripe old age, but having changed my outlook dramatically in recent years, I am hoping to mitigate the future somewhat. Like everyone, I just can't predict what will happen tomorrow, so I am doing my best to influence the consequences of my actions now and live a healthier, better, more productive life, as all of us should, especially as we navigate this new COVID era!