The 'Rule of Six' returned this week, after a four-month break. The UK has started to relax the strict lockdown we have been living through and on 29th March, we were finally allowed to meet a select number of friends and family outside. This has given me a sense of optimism, during one of the most testing periods in all our lives. Even I decided to bite the bullet and arrange to go for a walk with a friend and colleague from work Karl; highly unusual for me, as I have kept very much to myself during this pandemic. However, with one vaccine jab under my belt, I felt confident enough to enjoy the company of another outside, in the beautiful spring sunshine.

The weather was glorious on Monday and although there was a slight breeze along the coast, it was perfect for a leisurely walk along the promenade. As it happens Karl and I walked over seven miles, enjoying our new-found freedom.

Walking Karl's two beautiful dogs, we spent three hours getting out and about. I haven't been able to chat so much with someone in a log time; talking about our respective lives, it felt great to communicate at a human level again. With both of us partnered, we were able to talk about an aspect of life we both have in common. Darrell is of course ten thousand miles away in Australia, so it was refreshing to speak with someone who understands the trials and tribulations of being in a relationship. I miss being close to my husband, and Karl has reinforced my determination to fight even harder to get Darrell and I back to the way we were.

I have a lot planned for the weeks ahead, arranging to spend time with my best friend Ramona on April 18th and planning my own 50th Birthday on the 9th May. Darrell is also looking forward to returning to the UK, when pandemic restrictions allow. His first vaccination is due on 15th April, although Australia remains extremely behind with their inoculation programme. However, we still hope he will be fully protected when he is due to travel in November.  Both of us are also continuing to save hard for the future. Neither of us have spent any money nor travelled anywhere over the last year, so we should have enough funds to buy our own home when he returns. Like most things in our life, it will not be a conventional choice of property, as we set our sites on a number of different options, from a motorhome, getaway abroad or holiday home in the UK. Whatever we choose, we want it to fit around our lifestyle, so a standard house, will probably not suit our needs.

As I walked around Portsmouth on Monday, I was struck by how familiar this city has become. I like being able to walk from one side to the other with relative ease and most importantly, I enjoy living near a beach, being able to enjoy the sea air and get away from the hustle and bustle of the city. When Darrell returns towards the end of the year, this would be the ideal base for us, even if we decide to continue with our travels around the World.

The pandemic has shown me just how important my relationship is, and it has made me cherish my time with Darrell more and more, appreciating what we have, even if we are separated by circumstances. As we gradually work our way out of lockdown, re-entering the real world once again, it is clear, life will never be the same, but this offers us opportunities for the future and promotes a return to values, both Darrell and I had forgotten; this is indeed the beginning of something new!

Later on today I finally get my AstraZeneca vaccine at St James' Hospital in Portsmouth, after booking it a week ago. Even with all the scare stories circulating, about blood clots being caused by this jab and European countries stopping using this particular vaccine, I am finally looking forward to having it. Unlike the rest of the EU, I am not frightened or apprehensive about having this particular inoculation. I understand the importance of getting back to normal, which all of us need to do as soon as possible.

Darrell and I have been talking more than usual over the last few weeks, as we try and get to grips with our own situation. I should be fully protected by 9 June, when I receive my second dose of AstraZeneca, but Darrell, living in Australia, has no idea when his vaccine will be administered. Australia is understandably moving a lot slower than the UK. To be honest, it really has no reason to rush its vaccine roll out, since it has little or no cases, but that doesn't help us and our relationship.

Darrell has to return to the United Kingdom by November, in order to keep within the terms of his visa. Despite the Worldwide pandemic, the British government is refusing to waver the 'two year' rule, stating, if he remains out of the country over this time limit, he can just apply for a 'Returning Resident Visa.' This is easier said than done; the amount of paper work involved in reapplying for resident status is huge, much more complicated than either of us would have anticipated, especially after we have been together for nearly twenty-six years. Therefore, we are determined to be reunited in November as planned; this will however be no mean task.

Britain's vaccine roll out is going remarkably well, unlike Australia. I think the last time I looked at the official figures they had only immunized 0.4 percent of the population, compared to 50 percent here in the UK. There is a marked difference in the approach both countries are following, so with time moving ever forwards, both Darrell and I are mindful of our personal time constraints.

Darrell is in category 1b of the Australian vaccine programme. As the carer of an extremely vulnerable elderly person, it is important he is vaccinated at the same time as his Mum. According to his Doctor, this second phase should begin in the middle of April. Of course, it isn't quite that simple. The authorities are three weeks behind and with Europe blocking supplies of vaccine entering Australia, it is anyone's guess when he will actually receive his first dose, let alone get his second jab. Both of us are justifiably anxious as to how this will all pan out and are busy making contingency plans should the worse happen.

Darrell needs both doses of vaccine before his flies to London. Getting a second dose would be difficult once in Britain, due to the administrative differences. Alternatively he may receive a vaccine with less than a three-month wait in-between doses, as in the case of Pfizer. Or he could wait to receive both jabs when he eventually arrives in the UK, but this would not be our preferred option. I don't want Darrell travelling on a plane, especially for twenty-four hours, without the protection he needs. Also, it is likely most airlines and governments will have 'vaccine passport' schemes in place before he is due to fly and without the inoculations, he wouldn't be able to leave Australia anyway. You can imagine our frustration at the moment; If I thought my life was fraught before marrying a foreign citizen, just think how much worse it is today, in the middle of a pandemic.

From day 1 our relationship has never been easy; it has always been an uphill struggle dealing with officials, trying to remain together in an unforgiving World. Coronavirus has tested us both in ways we could have never envisaged. Darrell and I have always found a way around the constraints our life together has brought, but living apart during COVID-19 has been the worst of all nightmares, that just continues giving.

We do remain hopeful, that circumstances will finally turn in our favour, but we are also realistic, that the progress made during this pandemic could so easily change for the worse. Not until Darrell finally sets foot on British soil once again, safe and well, will we both be happy and at peace again. No one could have foreseen this situation a few years ago, and we can only remain positive in the face of this virus. All of us have our Corona stories to tell, but in contrast to most of you, my life remains on hold, long after the relief you feel after receiving your vaccines. I hope 2021 will finally be our year and Darrell and I can get back to normal and put this dreadful time behind us. Unlike so many others, we are both alive and well and have our future ahead of us, for that we remain grateful; let the hard work begin!

Darrell has been busy volunteering for a charity in Western Australia over the last few weeks - 'Express  Wildlife Rescue!' After the recent bush fires that engulfed Western Australia subsided, many thousands of native animals were left orphaned. This small charity is doing all it can to help those in greatest need. You can of course donate to 'Express Wildlife Rescue' by clicking the links throughout today's blog entry. Like all charities, funds are in short supply and the more help you can give to help the better.

Darrell has been helping to feed and care for orphaned Joeys (baby Kangaroo's.) These tiny babies, left in their Mothers pouch after they died, are rescued by dedicated volunteers, who are having to heartbreakingly remove them, taking them to the rescue centre to be cared for. Joeys need a lot of looking after and have to be nurtured for three years, before they are able to look after themselves. It is a painstaking job hand rearing these beautiful marsupials; without the commitment of volunteers like Darrell and many others, 'Express Wildlife Rescue' wouldn't be able to carry out the work it does!

I am happy Darrell has finally been able to undertake some voluntary work in Australia. It is difficult when you are supporting an elderly or ill relative, so the opportunity to take a break from the pressures of life and do something to help your local community, is a good way of staying focused and in touch with the outside world. It can be a lonely task, caring for a loved one, so above all contact with other people is important.

Life in Western Australia is carrying on as normal, so it is lucky Darrell has been able to source a position which allows him time to breathe, chat to other volunteers and help save lives. I have always enjoyed volunteering myself, for many years and hope Darrell can also gain some much-needed satisfaction from his time at the rescue centre; I know I am in awe at the work he is championing!

For me looking in, I have also been able to see a side of life I wouldn't otherwise have seen. I am aware of the seasonal bush fires that threaten Australia, but like most people I didn't understand the extent of the damage caused to wildlife throughout this diverse country. I may well have had many challenges living in Australia twenty years ago, but I can appreciate the allurement and distinctiveness this Country represents. The amazing ecosystem needs to be preserved and protected at all costs, so the more Australians do to help, the brighter the future will be.

Another week has passed and after four months of lockdown it has been time to shave my unruly mop - both of us are bald now, looking every inch our age; just part of the course as I reach my 50th year. Looking through old photographs earlier, I am reminded of the fulfilled life we have both led; this pandemic is but a small hiccup in the road we are currently following. The fact that we are both living apart temporarily should never affect our plans for the future This is a time to push even harder, as we become ever more determined to achieve the goals we have set together, the dreams we have yet to follow and the ambitions we continue to seek!

It's Friday, not a day I usually blog, because I am normally beavering away at work by now, however this week, once again, I am self Isolating. Yesterday I received yet another message from 'Track and Trace,' to isolate, after coming into contact with someone who has reported they have Coronavirus symptoms. I've lost count how many times I have had to do this now, but it must be about three or four. Yes it is tiresome, inconvenient and exasperating, but unlike others, I understand the importance of doing it. It was interesting to see on the news last night, that around twenty-eight thousand  people are actually ignoring the notifications and carrying on as normal. Why, just why would you? If you have the app on your phone, follow it and do the right thing for Christ’s sake, it is your civic duty.

As usual, I have no idea how or why I came into contact with whoever this person is, but I have a good idea. When I am working, I am protected from the general public by a perspex shield, so there is no need to have my 'Track and Trace' app turned on. In fact the service have told me to turn it off. Nevertheless, I did have a Hospital Appointment on the day I would have been exposed, so this could be the reason why I am isolating yet again. Like everyone else I will never know who gave my details and I will remain in the dark, which is probably a good thing.

I do have concern about the timings involved. I received a message yesterday to isolate for five days, which means If I did have COVID-19, I would have been walking around for five days, following my usual routine, not knowing I could have been passing on this deadly virus. One can only assume the person who reported symptoms, didn't do so soon enough or the results of the test came through later than one would have expected. It is so important people are notified quickly, to stop the spread; this is the second time I have had a very short quarantine period, which says something is going wrong with the system. Let's hope that the Government gets its act together and of course the public actually follow the rules and report symptoms as soon as they get them!

On a positive note, it is great to see the UK's vaccination programme really ramping up. When I listened to the news yesterday, ten and a half million people had already received their first dose of the vaccine. This is great news; the sooner all of us are immunised, the quicker we will get back to normal. The crucial thing is, everyone who is offered a jab, takes the jab. I am sick and tired of the conspiracy theories and the anti-vaxxers. These people know nothing about this virus and its impact on families and need to take a long hard look at themselves. Their views are abhorrent and wrong and deserve no air time. Shocking scenes of these people storming hospital wards, accusing health care professionals of 'murder' is beyond comprehension, It highlights the odious lack of understanding and education. It is an appalling indictment on a small, yet vocal minority of the population, that mistakenly believe this virus is a hoax, it just makes me want to cry!

One piece of news I did find a little hard to stomach this week, was Europe's reaction to our Vaccination programme. Predictably, they slammed our efforts, implying we were taking risks with peoples lives, having not tested the vaccines properly. At one stage they threatened Britain with a hard Northern Irish border, trying to divert valuable medicines to the European Union. The vindictive nature of their behaviour, trying to restrict the amount of vaccine made in the EU, travelling to the UK, because we had actually ordered and secured batches three months before, beggars belief. They were willing to disrupt supply to those who needed it most, in order to save face. It is their bureaucracy that has delayed their immunisation programme; it has nothing to do with us. Luckily they backed down at the last minute as Europe invariably does. My love hate relationship with Europe has once again been tested. Having reversed my stance on Brexit, I was once again brought to boiling point, by Europe's actions. Their conduct is the reason I voted to leave, this just creates more negativity, when we should all be working together.

This week we saw the death of a hero, the superstar of this pandemic, an ex serviceman, Knight of the Realm and champion of the National Health Service. Sadly Captain Sir Tom Moore, who raised thirty-nine million pounds for NHS charities died of Pneumonia and Coronavirus, succumbing to the disease, he had fought against throughout 2020. This man, who in his 99th year, walked a hundred laps of his garden, raising millions, was a loss that's hard to countenance.

Sir Tom was the constant in all our lives last year; his positive outlook, cheerful disposition and stoicism in the face of tragedy carried all of us through the worst of the pandemic. This national treasure was an inspiration during dark times, a man who encouraged many to raise yet more money for charities up and down the country and was known throughout the World for his efforts. Losing this gentle soul in his 100th year, was a tragic day for everyone with an ounce of empathy and compassion. His loss will be felt by all of us, especially his family and those who knew him best.

I would like to offer my sincere condolences to Sir Toms family at this sad time and hope his legacy will live on, long after the pandemic has gone. It is people like him that epitomise the plucky British spirit, sense of duty and strength in the face of adversity. A man unknown just a year ago, rose to the challenges of a virus, that could have taken his life at any stage and became a living, breathing hero, who none of us will forget. The man of the moment will forever live in the hearts of a nation who needed his courage, in order to face the challenges ahead. His achievements will always be remembered, in death as they were in life.

I did manage to speak to Darrell briefly over the last few days and he is phoning me every day whilst I am self isolating. To be honest it is the only time we actually get to talk more often. Having to lock myself away for a week isn't ideal, but it does give me a little bit of 'me' time that I wouldn't otherwise have.

Darrell has also been isolating this week, not because of possible contact with someone who has tested positive for COVID, but because Western Australia entered a brief total lockdown. A security guard, tested positive for the more deadly UK strain and had been working several jobs, bringing him into contact with many different people. The authorities there were understandably concerned about a potential outbreak and immediately did the right thing, closing the state.

Darrell was unsurprisingly frustrated; unlike us Brits, he isn't used to the mandatory mask wearing and rule adherence. When I phoned him today, he told me they had come out of lockdown, after everyone who had come into contact with the virus had tested negative. Once again I can't fault Australia for their quick reaction to a situation, that could have so quickly got out of hand and once again Darrell and Mum can breathe a sigh of relief.

Bush fires have also been raging in Western Australia, just 2 km from where we used to live in Ellenbrook. Of course this isn't entirely unusual, but their proximity to the city is and is also a concern for Darrell and the residents who live there.

Wherever you are in the World at the moment, there does seem to be an overbearing number of problems and disturbances to deal with - COVID, wildfires, political unrest in Burma, famine in Africa and the after effects of Brexit. All of these issues seem to indicate a time of turbulence, that I haven't really witnessed in my lifetime. As a planet we have enjoyed prosperity and progress up to now and enjoyed a relatively peaceful period, free from the unrest and turmoil of the past. 2020 has shown us, fate is always round the corner waiting to rear its ugly head and all of us should prepare for the worst. My generation had become too complacent, it's time all of us woke up to the challenges, that will dominate all our lives from now on.

So, I have another four days of self-isolation to go before I can get back to work, which is going to drive me bonkers once again. I am taking the opportunity to catch up on some reading, blogging and sorting out by IBS symptoms. Today I am fasting for twenty-four hours, which always helps to reset my stomach. Already the pain has subsided, as I just drink green tea and water, and although I am feeling a bit dizzy and tired, I am at least enjoying the benefits of a pain free day.

I'm not really sure why fasting helps, but from what I believe it is about giving the stomach time to rest, without having to process any food; whatever the reasons, it seems to work for me. At a time when all of us should be thinking about our own personal well-being, exercising, eating healthily and doing whatever we can to avoid the terrible effects of Coronavirus, should we be unfortunate to contract it, it is important for me at least to look after my digestive system. When my tummy feels good, so do I. If I can only lower my stress levels as well, I should hopefully weather the storm until it is my turn to be vaccinated, until then it will be more of the same - isolating, mask wearing, social distancing and sanitizing one's hands. Nothing lasts forever and like all of you, I long for the day life returns to normal; stay safe everyone, stay safe!

I've had a bit of a funny week this week, probably because I've had too much time on my hands. About a year ago I took a DNA test, as I tried to trace ancestors for my family tree. I had a high degree of success as well, finding relations all over the World, although how I ended up with family in some of the more obscure places, is anyone's guess. My Grandfather was a merchant seaman, so collating all the information, one could assume many possibilities. Discovering cousins from every corner of the globe and their connections to me and my lineage is a story, for another day, but it has made me delve deeper into my DNA.

Last week I was contacted by a medical research company who asked if they could use my  DNA data for research they were carrying out, and I agreed; the results were eye-opening and one hundred percent accurate. For example, I had confirmation, that I had keloid skin, something I already knew, from an operation I had in the 1980s. Also, I discovered my blood group, which is 'A' and not what I expected at all. I always believed I had an 'O' blood type, but apparently not. Of course, being someone who suffers with health anxiety, I decided to look up the implications of this new revelation and was horrified at the result. It seems that 'A' blood types are weaker in every sense. It was the oldest of all the groups, but also the one with a shorter life span, more incidents of cardiac arrest, stroke and cancer and... the list goes on. By the end of the research, I was ready to just give up on life altogether. In truth, I wish I hadn't bothered to discover my blood type, it has just caused me more anxiety than ever. As someone who suffers from OCD, this isn't one, I'm going to let go!

I also noted that people with blood type 'A' were more susceptible to COVID-19, not something a sensitive homosexual with health anxiety really wants to hear. True to form, I looked closer at the implications and discovered the statistics used to back up these findings, were not quite as they seemed. We are indeed more vulnerable to Coronavirus, but we tend not to get it as severely, with lower numbers of my blood group ending up on a ventilator needing intubation. Honestly, I got so engrossed with reading about the negative aspects of 'A' blood types, that I literally had literature everywhere - One article contradicting another, differing views and opinions, papers and journals; in the end I just gave up, none the wiser, about my blood type relevance!

Having suitably wound myself up, over my own mortality, it was quite apt that I had an appointment at the cardiac clinic here in Portsmouth this morning. My Doctor had ordered a cardiology test, due to an abnormal ECG I had a few months ago, ongoing arrhythmia problems and continual dizzy spells since April. I attended a distinctly deserted unit at 8.15 am this morning, where I was told I had to wear a 'holter monitor' for seven days, so my hearts activity could be evaluated, in order to discover any abnormalities that may be occurring. Wearing one for seven days will be a bit of a challenge, especially whilst sleeping at night, but it is something I have to do. Dizziness, blurry vision and unsteadiness has been plaguing my life for the last nine months, and I need to find answers.

Various Doctors and consultants have mentioned a possible connection with my heart problems and Coronavirus, something I have thought about myself.  I am however mindful of my own level of fitness. I have put on a stone in weight since Christmas and the anxiety and stress I suffer with every day, seems to be exacerbating the symptoms. On the plus side, my blood pressure appears to be stable, but my heart rate irregular and much slower than it was. I am just hoping I can begin to get to the bottom of this as soon as possible.

After speaking to Darrell over the last few weeks, he also has his own problems to deal with. Both of us are heading towards our respective 50th Birthdays, with all the difficulties that entails. Neither of us are getting any younger and after living a rather fulfilled life shall we say, we are both aware of just what is around the corner. As someone who smoked cigarettes for well over thirty years, I understand I won't be living to a ripe old age, but having changed my outlook dramatically in recent years, I am hoping to mitigate the future somewhat. Like everyone, I just can't predict what will happen tomorrow, so I am doing my best to influence the consequences of my actions now and live a healthier, better, more productive life, as all of us should, especially as we navigate this new COVID era!

I'm not enjoying this now, I have just about had enough of it all; am I the only person who feels like this at the moment? I am not talking about having to follow the rules, which I am happy to do, I am talking about other people ignoring guidelines and laws designed to protect them. When will people understand the ramifications of this bloody virus; it is killing people, every day, hundreds and hundreds of people, and yet they still break the rules. I am really at a loss to understand the mentality of those anti-vaxers, COVID deniers and rule breaks, it really beggars belief!

I have had a busy week, so much so, I haven't even been able to speak to Darrell. We usually put some time aside for each other, but it has just been impossible over the last seven days. The time difference is beginning to get to me and if I am brutally honest I am sick and tired of our long distant relationship. It really shouldn't have to be this way, it's only because of those at the top, that we have been separated in the first place. Having to constantly live your life around immigration rules has always been a challenge, from day 1, but as I approach my 50th Birthday, I would have hoped our life together would have changed, and we would be free to live as we want. Today however, in the midst of a pandemic our relationship is more restricted than ever!

Nearly a year on from the beginning of the COVID crisis, I am struggling, more than I have done for a long time. A few days ago I was informed a friend from my dim and distant past has passed away from COVID-19. This was a person I knew well as a young adult; he was fit and healthy, (far more than I) and was always full of life. He was several years younger than me and his loss has hit me far more than I would have expected. I haven't seen him for many years, but the impact of his death has shown me, just how vulnerable we all are, yet there are still people who 'just don't get it!'

Feeling extra sensitive and angry, I lost my temper yesterday, with someone I shouldn't have. Of course, I did it for the right reasons, because I felt they were in a situation that left them exposed to transmission of the virus. When someone you know dies, the thoughts and feelings you experience are difficult to decipher. I don't know how I am supposed to act, but it just wants me to protect those closest even more, even if I do shout and scream from time to time.

I would really love to know the psychology behind those who ignore rules and only think about themselves. Blatantly, it is a typical mark of sociopathic behaviour, but not all of them can have this trait. I did read an article recently about people who just refuse to wear masks, not those who can't, but those who just won't, and it was quite eye-opening. Most of these people have anti-social characteristics and understand the implications of not be protected. You can see the culprits as you scroll through social media, read about their partying, while others shield and isolate. You can see their genuine disdain for authority and their friends, family and neighbours as they stick two fingers up to the rest of us. These are the worst people in society, those who cause harm to others and those who are at least in part, responsible for spreading this virus through communities. Yes the Government has made mistakes, but they are not responsible for reckless behaviour that endangers all of us, as we fight to live another day.

Some days are better than others; all of us have our ups and downs and there are times I remain upbeat, despite everything falling apart around me. As a person I am usually an optimist; to be honest, anyone who blogs every day, with little or no recognition, has to have a modicum of sanguineness, in order to just get through the next entry. Writing allows me to express and offload my feelings, which has been a lifesaver during this pandemic. It has stopped me becoming an alcoholic, taking up smoking and eating myself out of house and home, it has given me a creative outlet during one of the most stressful periods of my life.

When I see the surrounding self-destruction, the lack of empathy, the aggressive confrontations and incredulous misinformation, I am reminded how lucky I am. I read, research and understand, I don't believe in mendacity and I dismiss ramblings from discredited sources. Fake news and conspiracy theories, that dominate the lives of those who believe in the machinations of the influential few, have now become so dangerous, that it is safer to say nothing at all. The voices of the hoi polloi, the masses who follow the rules are growing weaker, as the more bombastic, blustering inflated egos shout ever louder. Maybe it's time us plebeians stood up and faced down the onslaught of prevarication.

Today I was finally able to talk to Darrell on my one and only day off this week. It feels good to offload how I feel with my husband, rather than writing it down on a blog. Both of us, like all of you are feeling the fatigue virtually a year on, but we still remain positive for the future, even if we don't always sound upbeat. Our priority is to stay safe, protect ourselves and our family and continue fighting for our future together. When I shout, express an opinion or let off steam; when I wear a mask, sanitise my hands every few minutes or try and keep two meters apart, it's because I want to see my partner again. I want my family to stay safe, my dreams to stay alive and above all I want to live my life again!

When I got home from work last night, I was greeted by scenes of absolute carnage in America. As a 'newshound' I can often sit watching rolling news programmes all day, so I always switch on the television when I get home after my shift; last night I was shocked by the appalling drama unfolding, as 'Trump' protesters stormed the Capitol building in Washington. This was yet another example of the tumultuous times we are currently living through; there seems to be no let up in the never ending spectacle engulfing the World at the moment. For someone like me, who has my own personal demons to fight, this was just another World event, that slid straight off my back; I hardly blinked an eye.

2020 was a terrible year, a time all of us just want to forget. Not one day has passed without me feeling anxious and worried; there hasn't been one minute, when I haven't thought about the pandemic and the dreadful state of the World, we all now inhabit. This horrifying juncture has brought our own mortality hurtling headlong into our thoughts, there is literally no getting away from the death that surrounds us every day. I think each of us was hoping for a better, more subtle and calming start to 2021, but nothing could be further from the truth.

The first week of the new year has seen Britain return to a full national lockdown. A new variant of the Coronavirus is ravaging the population of these islands, just yesterday there were 1041 deaths and over 62000 new cases reported. We are in a very dangerous period, where no one is certain of the outcome. This new development in the life of COVID-19, is another terrible milestone in this pandemic and without a lockdown, the National Health Service would have been over run and thousands upon thousands of people would have lost their lives. As it stands now, it is likely we will reach the grim prospect of 100,000 deaths in a relatively short space of time.

In normal times, the behaviour of a far right fascist President of the United States, would be even more shocking than it is today. However, like most people I have become rather desensitised to the madness in the Whitehouse. The four years this man has been in power, has seen a gradual erosion of standards in public life. His views on equality, race, women and sexuality has descended into a quagmire, a cesspit of disgusting views, violent incitement and other wordly vitriol. This man has brought the American Presidency and the country to its knees. The loss of respect for this once great nation is clear for all to see; the burning embers of anger shroud this narcissistic tyrant and expose him for this bigot he truly is.

During our conversation this morning, Darrell and I spoke about events around the globe, as we always do. He said how he didn't recognise the World any more and like me remains in a state of apprehension about the future. I feel like I am living through a terrible nightmare at the moment, one with no end in site. Everything I believe in - respect for others, dignity, fairness, equality and common decency just doesn't exist any more. People no longer care for their friends and neighbours, ignore warnings about the pandemic, cheer on a President who epitomises hate and trample over anyone who gets in their way. This is not a World I understand or want to be a part of, this is a violent, uncaring, dispassionate and impervious Earth, crumbling under pressure, dying before our very eyes.

This is only the beginning of 2021, there is plenty of time to end this year on a high. COVID vaccines are rolling out across this country, over a million and a half people have had the jab already. Joe Biden has been duly elected as the 46th President of the United States and will usher in a new term of reconciliation and statesmanship, returning sobriety to the office of the President. There is also a repeat of 'clapping for heroes,' beginning tonight, showing respect for our key workers during this pandemic and on a personal note, I am finally looking forward to seeing Darrell this year. A year that has started at such a low point, can illuminate the path to enlightenment and a return to normality, after  such a period of anguish. Let's make this year the best ever and lay this awful time to rest!

Whilst everyone else keeps safe on furlough, the rest of us have to work for a living! I think you may detect a note of bitterness in my voice, which would explain my current state of mind. I continue making my journey to work each morning, working in a job I love; the rest of the country, or rather those being paid to do nothing, sit righteously on their thrones moaning about new Tier 4 restrictions that came into force yesterday. May I humbly suggest they look at key workers and vulnerable people who are having to work in the most strenuous of circumstances and are doing everything to keep safe. I, for one, am 100 percent behind the Government and their attempt to stem the tide of this new strain of the virus and so should you - the selfish hoi polloi, who care only about themselves! Of course, I am not saying you are all uncaring and inconsiderate, but a good many of you are!

Listening to the news last night and this morning, I was horrified to hear just how easily spread the new strain of this virus is. You have a higher chance of catching this illness, a 70 percent increase to be exact and people are still acting as though nothing is going on. Walking through Commercial Road in Portsmouth over the last few days, you could be forgiven for thinking you are living through normal times, but in reality we aren't. This is a bloody pandemic and I fail to understand why people are rebuffing the rules. If I am honest, this was a frightening experience and I am so glad all the 'non-essential' shops have been closed.

Before the Governments announcement yesterday, putting Portsmouth, Havant, Gosport, London and whole swathes of the South East into the new Tier 4, which is essentially a lockdown in all but name, I did get the chance to briefly see my Father. At first, I was weary about seeing him, since he lives in a Tier 2 area and at the time we were in Tier 3, but for me, it was necessary to connect with him,  no matter how brief it was.

My Father has spent most of this year on his own, so soon after my Mothers death, which has been difficult for him and all of us. This pandemic has really shown just how important family is, and I am angry that I haven't been able to see him as much as I would have liked. Not wanting to risk his health, I spent the briefest of time in his company, before getting back on a train and travelling straight back home.

Dad did look rather frail and alone, which was sad to see. He is of course well able to look after himself, having been Mum's carer for twenty years, but the lack of contact between family is taking its toll on him. He hasn't been too well himself lately, and I am sure he would feel a lot better, if those closest were around him more often. Families have been ripped apart by this virus, in life and especially in death, and I was almost tempted to give him a hug, but stopped myself at the last minute.

Dad had asked me what I wanted for Christmas, as he does every year. I have everything I need, so just asked for something personal from him, that I could keep close, especially at this time. To my surprise he gave me my Mothers Wedding ring, which I could wear around my neck on a chain, a memento I will always cherish. Apart from photographs, I don't have many reminders of my Mother, so this will be a gift, that will ensure she always remains close.  He told me they had chosen the ring together before their wedding in 1967 and had paid the princely sum of £20.00 for it, a lot of money back then, akin to a weeks wages.

We talked briefly about the state of the country, politics and family and I wished him a Happy Christmas, hoping to see him early next year, although I will more than likely see him at Easter, when this Pandemic is finally under control. As the road blocks started to go up around Portsmouth today, I was reminded of the desperate times we are living though, and I am grateful for spending just a few moments with Dad, before the shutters once again go up!

The state of the UK at the moment is headline news, across the World and Darrell is naturally concerned at what he is hearing. I have asked him to take a more active role in sorting out our legal status at this time, contacting our Member of Parliament  and doing what he can from his end. This Christmas will be very different for us in Britain, however life continues in Australia, very much as it always has done.

The World remains madder than at any time I have ever known. Expressing my fears for the future, especially right now as the second wave really takes hold, Darrell was left aghast, about just what will be left, when this is all over. The different lives we are leading are so divergent, contrasting in every way, that I am not even sure we will know each other, when we see one another again.

No relationship can survive indefinitely from opposite ends of the planet, and it is important we are allowed to see one another soon. So I will end this entry today, as I began, by pleading with people to take notice of the new rules. I know how difficult it is to not see someone you love over Christmas, because I have been living it for over a year. Like Darrell and I, you just have to accept what is happening, stop worrying about a Christmas turkey and always remember there are people far worse off than you. Once you become resigned to your fate, all of us can finally work together and beat this bloody virus once and for all!

Darrell and I have started to plan for the future, as we bid farewell to 2020. Both of us, like all of you, have had the year from hell; there has never been a better time to look forward to what comes next. I can't tell you how grateful I am, to see this year confined to the history books. This has been a time of great anxiety and stress for all of us, but especially for Darrell and I, living apart as we do, because of the circumstances that surround our life. However, this isn't a time to dwell on the past, this is most certainly a period to look forward to the future, more now, than ever before.

Both of us have a desire to reside in Europe in the long term, and that doesn't necessarily mean living in Britain. Darrell and I have remained in the UK for most of our 25 years together and when we moved to Spain in 2015, we both understood the importance of change. Our new life was supposed to be 'forever,' a choice that would allow us to finally live our dream. That desire is still there, it hasn't changed, and we still want to retain that sense of 'who we are,' - travellers, explorers and pioneers.

Looking back at my time in Gran Alacant, near Alicante, I am reminded of the mistakes we made, but encouraged by our inclination to fit into Spanish and Expat life. We eventually achieved all our goals, obtained residency and finally adjusted to our new surroundings. Just before we left, I can safely say we were happy with the path we had forged and were genuinely feeling positive, about the direction we were following. Today in 2020, I look back with fondness at the memories we made and although we had many ups and downs, for the most part, we did far better than we could have ever imagined. We began to live life again, in a way we hadn't before.

When the World returns to normal and Darrell I can be together again, I could quite happily return to Gran Alacant, that neatly packaged urbanization on the Costa Blanca. It is a place I know well, wrote about in the local magazine and has everything we need for a prosperous, relaxing future, but would that be just too easy? I am not a person who tends to return to places I have lived before; I like to journey onwards to a new, untested future; consequently, we have been looking at property further afield.

Living in Britain, I have been able to save a substantial nest egg, as has Darrell in Australia and today, we are lucky enough to be able to afford a property outright; nothing fancy, just a small villa, with enough space for us and family to visit. We would be rent and mortgage free and able to live either part or all of the year, in a country we both love. I would dearly like to remain on the South coast of Britain, working and being close to family, but also having a home abroad, more tailored to our way of thinking. In tune with our intention, to eventually relocate lock stock and barrel, to our European home, we would once again restart our life far away from these shores.

Property prices are more than reasonable in Spain, even more so in Murcia, where we have also been looking. I recently stumbled across a villa in Calle Aljibe Mazarron, a short drive from the beach, which would perfectly suit our needs. The price tag is well within our means and with only cosmetic work to do, both of us have discussed buying the Casa, site unseen. Of course this is a risk, but it is something we have done before, when we bought a house in Le Lande St Simeon, in France in 2001. It is certainly an option to consider, especially now, during a pandemic.

Darrell and I are taken with the property, and we are seriously considering the alternatives. This is of course, just one house we have seen and with an economic crash once again on the cards in Spain, it is clear there will be many more such bargains to buy. We do have to be realistic about where we can afford to live and careful not to go above our limit. I have never been great at budgeting or dealing with accounts, so I am more than happy to leave that side of our ventures, for Darrell to organise. Importantly, I am ecstatic to be feeling motivated and positive once again. Luckily I am a little more pragmatic these days and don't have high expectations or exorbitant, unobtainable aspirations; my mojo is back, and I am inspired to move forwards, even if I don't always show it!

Spain remains the destination of choice. We both have our residency cards and know the country, culture and customs well. Spain offers us the easy way to achieve our objectives, but there are of course many other options. I would be equally happy living near Darrell's family in Hrvatska, Croatia, moving closer to Australia, maybe living in Asia for a while or possibly another European nation - Italy or even Portugal being top of my list. Wherever we choose to eventually settle, at least for part of each year, you can be sure it won't be conventional. A casa in Valencia, cave house in Andalusia or camper van in Croatia, these are the possibilities to explore, the prospects for the future and scenarios for consideration. Our life will never be prevailing and mainstream and that's just how we like it; spontaneous, challenging and distinctly inconsistent!