On Wednesday, Darrell and I went to London for the day, as part of my week off, celebrating my Birthday. It is the first time we have been to London in about ten years, normally only ever driving past the place to Heathrow or Stanstead Airport. I had managed to book some cheap train tickets during the recent rail fare sale, so at a cost of £24.00 for two of us, we took a train ride to London and back. The train journey was longer than usual, with the train stopping at every stop, but it didn't make any difference, in fact it was nice to just sit for a couple of hours, watching the day pass by!

After arriving in London, the rain began to fall. As we made our way to Hyde Park and The Princess Diana Memorial Fountain, the rain gradually got worse, evidently setting in for the day. The fountain itself was dreadful, probably the worst tribute I have ever seen for anyone, especially someone of her stature. It was souless, drab and without personality, all words I wouldn't use to describe Diana. Suitably disappointed and with the rain beginning to pour, Darrell and I jumped back on the tube and made our way to China Town for lunch.

China Town, near Piccadilly Circus, is colourful and vibrant, even during the worst of rainstorms. As we arrived in the underground station, an announcement was made, urging customers to take care, during the adverse weather conditions. Our trip to London looked like it would be a washout, and I wasn't holding my breath for a great day, especially with an Australian in tow, who hates the rain.

After wandering around the lantern clad streets, which felt a lot like Kowloon, we went into the Hong Kong Buffet, for an £11.95 lunch and glass of wine. The food was fine, all bog-standard stuff, but certainly filled a hole, ready for the rest of the day and a lot of walking.

We made a short stop at Harrods, where I bought some gifts from the shop. Initially I thought I would buy the typical Harrods plastic bag, but at a cost of £30.00, I thought better of it. This historic department store in the heart of London, seemed different from the last time I visited; It is indeed overpriced, but it was more than that, it was not the sparkling oasis it once was, and I will not be going there again.

Suitably unimpressed, we headed to Covent Garden and had an amazing afternoon, exploring shops and market stalls, buying some cheap souvenirs and a couple of stylish berets from a hat stall. Feeling knackered, we had a few pints in the Punch and Judy public house, built into the arches in the corner of the market. I felt relaxed sat in the relative cosy atmosphere and despite paying over seven pounds a pint, it was a highlight of the day, just being able to do absolutely nothing.

We walked along Embankment, towards Parliament Square and Whitehall, taking in the sights and sounds of the city and the breathtaking architecture.  The skyline had changed a lot since I was last in London, and as we walked along The Thames, the noticeable additions to the city scape were all too clear to see. The House of Commons and more especially The Elizabeth Tower looked glowing, as the sun began to finally come out, after the deluge of the day. Its recent facelift had brought the original blue and gold colours to the fore, and I have never seen it looking so good. This part of London is always impressive, so I am rarely disappointed, but its familiarity is always welcome, especially as we headed towards the end of the day.

Walking down Whitehall, past the cenotaph, just outside Downing Street, there was a small demonstration, against the war in Ukraine. The speakers were very emotional, unsurprisingly, and Darrell and I crossed over to stand and listen for a short while. The scenes of horror being described were unimaginable to most of us here in the relative safety of the UK, but resonated with all of us who were there. After pausing for a minute's silence, a Ukrainian gentleman approached me, and asked if I would take some photographs of the banners he had made to highlight the atrocities in the war. It was very poignant, and as we walked towards Trafalgar Square and our final destination, I was mindful of the tumultuous times we were all living through. London has always been a welcoming city, and just as it has offered sanctuary to other nationalities in times of war, so today It was opening its doors to our friends in Ukraine. The fact a peaceful demonstration can take place opposite the Prime Minister's residence is testimony to our long-established democracy, unlike the totalitarian regime in Russia.

In the end, Darrell and I had a wonderful day in London, ending my Birthday week perfectly, as I go back to work tomorrow. Neither of us see the capital often, but when we do, it never ceases to amaze. Walking around its crazy streets, I thought how much I loved the place and even, just for a fleeting  moment, how I might like to live in this buzzing metropolis. Of course the reality is, I could never afford it, but it is nice to dip in and out at will and enjoy a fun packed day in London, a city of contrasts and a melting pot of cultures!

Princess Diana Memorial Fountain, Hyde Park

China Town and Piccadilly Circus

Harrods, Knightsbridge

Covent Garden

Embankment

Parliament and Whitehall

Demonstration opposite Downing Street, protesting against the war in Ukraine.

Trafalgar Square

It's been nearly four years since I returned to the UK from Spain, and during that time I haven't stopped working. The busiest period for me was always on the weekends, especially a Saturday night. I would often go from job to job, starting early in the supermarket and finishing at midnight in the pub. Fifteen-hour days were all well and good when I was living in Britain on my own, but now Darrell is home, my busy lifestyle has had to change. No one can keep working at such a fast pace, without burning out. A few weeks ago I made the decision to stop working at the Newcome Arms on a Saturday night and the reality is, it has been just the tonic I have needed to finally relax and unwind once again.

I have found it particularly difficult to chill and take time out since arriving back home; with so much on my mind, it hasn't been easy to forget my woes, especially with Darrell being in Australia. Of course, I have never been a person to do nothing, I have to keep busy, which usually involves blogging or going out for a long walk. Having at least part of the weekend free can only be a good thing, as I finally take a step back and enjoy the time I have to myself.  I work more than enough hours to pay for Darrell and me now, and the last thing I want to do is get ready to go out and work on a bustling Saturday night.

Last weekend, for the first time in years, we went out for a meal at what has become my favourite Chinese restaurant, Yan Woo in North End. This small unassuming establishment, set back from the road, offers amazing home cooked food, in an authentic setting, The staff are always friendly and welcoming, making this a great place to unwind after a long day. It did feel good to be sat quietly talking with Darrell, as we always used to, and not having to worry about rushing home to get ready for work. This first Saturday off was a great introduction to normal life once again, and I thoroughly enjoyed being free.

I do use the word free loosely; I never felt trapped working at the Newcome, but rarely having time out on a weekend became a burden towards the end. I haven't needed to work in the pub, in a monetary sense, having enough income to survive, but it was a part of my life I enjoyed. Socially, working in a pub was a wonderful experience, especially on a Saturday, which is usually football day here in Portsmouth. Meeting some incredible people, I cherish some amazing memories, made over many years. I am also still beavering away behind the bar on a Wednesday evening, not wanting to give up bar work just yet. I want and need to keep that contact with a pub I regard as my own and a group of people I have a remarkable bond with. In time, I may decide to knock it on the head completely, but until then, I am happy to be a part of the Newcome team, looking forward to a productive year ahead!

This weekend I was able to spend time with family, going out for the day, eating lunch out and enjoying a home cooked meal in the evening. It was great to do 'normal' things on a Saturday, which I wouldn't have usually done otherwise. It is more important for me now, to have this time to myself, especially with Darrell home from Australia. As 'normal' service resumes, I hope to continue to scale back the amount of shifts I do in the coming months. By the time we approach the end of the year I want to be in a position, where I can pick and choose when I work, without pushing myself too hard. One has to remember, I have had a lot of health concerns over the last four years and after suffering from COVID recently this month, it is time to take stock and realise, life isn't just about working. It is also about spending quality time with the people I love and enjoying life once again.

It has been a little over four years since Darrell was granted his Spanish residency in December 2017, and my God, a lot has happened since. In 2017, we were very much looking forward to our new life in Gran Alacant, enjoying living on the continent and the Spanish way of life. Today in 2022, we are firmly but in many respects reluctantly committed to settling in Britain; not what we planned, but at least we are together.

Today, Darrell received his UK settlement status for a second time, after what has been the most turbulent five years in our life. Darrell was originally given 'Indefinite Leave to Remain' in 2001, but after changes to immigration law, the introduction of a new biometrics card and dramatic changes to our circumstances, he was forced to reapply for the same status yet again. Living outside Australia for nearly two years, caring for Mum, only complicated our situation further. When one adds Brexit and a Worldwide pandemic into the mix, you can see, just how precarious our situation was.

Since his return to the UK in September, we have both been living under a cloud, not knowing if he would be allowed to live here permanently or not. However, after consulting a solicitor at great expense, we were able to establish a legal basis for settlement, and he was finally given back his right of abode. It has been a long, difficult journey getting here; despite our current situation, we are both determined to make the most of our life together and forge a future at least in part based in the UK.

Being around family has been amazing over the last four years, especially whilst living through a pandemic, it has given us both a reason to stay in this part of the World. We have grown close to our cousins and family in a way we haven't before and for that reason, I couldn't be happier. There is nevertheless a profound sense of disappointment that we couldn't continue our journey in Spain, and I will forever wonder what could have been. Despite the sadness we feel, we are both well aware of just how much the World has changed over the last two years in particular, and believe our life in Spain would have been cut short in any eventuality.

Today we both have the luxury of planning for yet another new future, whether on the south coast, or further afield in Lancashire, an area we know well. Neither of us know where life will take us from now, but we are determined to make the most of the opportunities we have and hope the next five years will be a little easier than the last!

Well it was only a matter of time before I caught COVID once again, and today I am self-isolating, after testing positive for Coronavirus. I had been suffering from a tickly throat for a couple of days, just a niggly annoyance if I am honest, but due to the nature of my work, I was testing daily; each time, my lateral flow test was coming back negative. Not feeling too unwell, I carried on as normal, bought a tickly throat medicine and ate copious amounts of lozenges. Oddly, nothing was helping, and the mild symptoms just lingered and lingered. All the time, I continued to test every day, just to be sure, there was nothing going on.

This week, on Saturday, I was due to have a procedure in hospital, so it was important that I remained as safe as I could, constantly testing, social distancing and wearing a mask. Every time, the results came back negative, and I felt confident to prepare for hospital. However, on Monday this week, Darrell tested positive for COVID and I instinctively knew there was something wrong.

The new lateral flow kits only have swabs long enough for the nasal cavity. After quickly looking online and taking advice, I was told to try and swab the back of my throat as well as my nose, even though this isn't standard practice. Low and behold, I tested positive within seconds and immediately informed work.

The rules on self-isolation have changed recently and despite my COVID-19 app initially telling me to quarantine for eleven days, it was only a guide to how long I would have to separate myself from the World. The new rules state that if I take a lateral flow test on day five and six, and they are both negative, I can return to work. I would need two negative results over two consecutive days, then my period of isolation would end immediately.

Today is my fifth day, according to 'Track and Trace' who phoned me this morning, informing me I probably caught COVID between the 14th and 18th of January. My guess is, they determined this after I did a PCR test yesterday, but I can't be certain. The gentleman on the phone asked me all the standard questions about whom I had been in contact with. He assured me, that even if I am still testing positive on the day I return to work, it would be safe to do so, since I would no longer be infectious.

I am aware that a PCR investigation is no longer required, if you test positive on a lateral flow. However, in order to make sure I was actually infected with the virus, I wanted to do the more reliable laboratory analysis, especially after registering negative LFT's.

Yesterday morning I walked the short distance to the testing site and the temporary Portakabins, erected in the old Sainsbury car park on Commercial Road, Portsmouth, and did the test. Last night I received the news, I was positive and should continue to stay at home.

Tuesday was a particularly busy day, as I had to rearrange hospital appointments, thankfully with only a week delay. The lady on the phone was extremely helpful, even informing me I would not have to do a PCR test before attending my appointment. Initially, confused, I questioned this, only to be told, it wasn't necessary. Apparently, even though I would be free of Coronavirus on the day of my admission, I would still probably test positive on a PCR test. I would be able to bypass this element of my hospital stay and just attend at the new appointment time.

With both Darrell and I self-isolating together, we are catching up on some much-needed sleep and rest. I am unsure which strain of Coronavirus I have, but the symptoms are extremely mild. I suppose I feel a little more tired than usual, and I have a tickly throat, coughing on occasion, but nothing more than that. If I am honest, I have had worse colds; the way I feel at the moment, is like nothing I have experienced before. In many respects I feel like a charlatan having to self-isolate, but I do understand the reasons why.

If I hadn't had my vaccinations and booster, I can guarantee I would be feeling a lot worse. Yes, I do feel out of sorts, but nothing bad or unable to cope with. By staying away from  people I am protecting others, but I am not sure it is entirely appropriate to quarantine for such a long time, especially when, like most people, I have to work for a living. Nevertheless, all of us do need to support the most vulnerable in society; if anyone in an at risk category caught Coronavirus, they may not be as lucky as me.

Today, I feel completely different to the first time I had to self-isolate with COVID symptoms, back in March 2020. Back then I lost my sense of taste and smell and isolated for seven days. I did have a few days when I wasn't feeling great, but nothing too concerning; this time, I feel like I have a very mild cold! Also, the anxiety, worry, and stress I suffered with back in 2020 is no longer there, as I just wait for the day I am able to return to work.

All being well, I should be out and about again on 31st January and in hospital on 8th February for my rescheduled appointment. Darrell and I are at least able to spend some valuable time together, despite being ill. As Coronavirus becomes endemic in Britain, there will be more times I will have to self-isolate I'm sure, unless, of course, the rules are changed once again. The hope is, life will return to normal and all of us will just have to live with the virus, making our own personal judgements on who to be in close contact with. The only concern I have, is the possible discovery of yet another new variant, that is more dangerous than Delta or Omicron, and we return to lockdowns and shutdowns. If things remain as they are, then hopefully we can learn to live alongside COVID and use our own common sense, showing respect for friends, family, and colleagues when we have to and enjoying life as we did in 2018. I pray it's the beginning of the end for self-isolation and I never, never have to do it again!

This year, Darrell and I finally spent Christmas together, after four years apart. Surrounded by family, we were able to celebrate the day in a way we haven't before. Our past Christmases were not family affairs; we spent the day with friends and others who had nowhere to go, waifs and strays if you will, always opening our home to others like us. Spending time with our nearest and dearest made our Christmas Day even more special this year; my Aunt pulled out all the stops to give every one of us a memorable time.

It was a sign of the times that all of us had to undertake a COVID test, before we met on Christmas Day, but everyone was in agreement, that it was the best thing to do. Even after two years, Coronavirus continues to play its part in all our lives. Unlike last Christmas, we were determined to spend the day together. With Omicron on the rise, I was initially nervous about being around so many people, but it does seem this new variant is less potent than the others, so I believe it was a risk worth taking. All of us, including Darrell, have had a third vaccination, so we have been afforded the best protection we can.

Both of us look forward to a positive New Year, fulfilling dreams missed over the last two years. I hope 2022 will finally signal the end of this enduring pandemic and the resumption of normal service. I am counting the days until I can once again set foot on a plane and continue the journey Darrell and I forged together over a quarter of a century ago. If anything, this festive season has highlighted the importance of social interaction and spending time with loved ones. Human beings need each other, especially through chaotic times. A simple Christmas meal was the tonic I required, to live life once again!

There doesn't seem to be a lot of Christmas cheer around at the moment, and it's easy to see why. The new Omicron variant of coronavirus is now running rampant across the country, and all of us are being encouraged to get our COVID boosters done as soon as possible. No one knows exactly how bad Omicron will be; it seems highly transmissible, but interestingly milder, and could be a major stumbling block in the Worlds fight against this disease; getting a third jab seems the obvious next step.  Of course, after the Government broke its own rules last year and hosted Christmas parties against the COVID regulations, people seem less willing to listen to reason. Like most of us, I won't be changing my plans for Christmas, because this God awful Government says so. More slogans, confused messages and even more bluster… Here we go again!

Unlike last year, pubs are still open and people are starting to celebrate the festive season. Last weekend we had the 'Football Supporters Christmas Disco' at the Newcome Arms Public House, where I work twice a week; it was packed to the rafters. Under normal circumstances, I would have been nervous about such large crowds of people, but I am fortunate to have had my booster and like most, I am sick and tired of the mixed messages from Government. Today, I am following my own rules and pretty much ignoring official advice, except where booster vaccines are concerned. It is important we get this third jab, to help protect us through the winter season and the rise of Omicron.

The party at The Newcome was fantastic, and I had a wonderful time, the best I've had since the beginning of the pandemic. I was thankful to be working on the other side of the bar and not part of the drunken throng. I have always felt safe at the pub and can always socially distance as much as I like. As a person who no longer really drinks, I am aware of just how far we lower our inhibitions in an inebriated state; keeping my wits about me during this pandemic is important, especially now.

Last week, I was 'pinged' by the track and trace app, which informed me I had been in close contact with someone who has COVID. To this day I have no idea who it was, but I was told I didn't need to self-isolate, as I would have had to in the past. However, I was informed I would have to take a PCR test, which came back negative, and I have been taking a lateral flow test daily.

It does seem odd that I didn't have to isolate this time; I could have had Coronavirus and been spreading it around, while I waited for the result. I have been in close contact with others with COVID in the past, but once again not contracted the virus. I can only assume the vaccines are protecting me from COVID and that makes me a willing participant in the vaccine programme, as we all should be.

At the moment, I am trying to get Darrell's booster jab sorted, but because he was vaccinated in Australia, this is proving a tricky operation. He doesn't seem to be able to use the online system, because only his GP has his vaccine records from Western Australia. They will be the only ones who can contact him direct, to arrange an appointment. Considering they are already asking over eighteen-year-olds to come forward, and he is forty-nine, I am naturally concerned he hasn't been called yet.

Darrell seems less concerned than I, but, he hasn't lived through the worst of the pandemic yet, being sheltered from it, living down under. It is important he gets vaccinated soon, especially with him working in the same environment as me, and I will continue to do what I can to make it happen. It is likely it will be at some point in January now; the booking system is under severe pressure and constantly crashing, making it impossible to get through. Even when you speak to the COVID help line operators on the telephone, they also seem unsure of Darrell's status and what to do next. Frustration and annoyance is all I can describe how I feel; I just hope, not for too much longer.

This week I did manage to see my Father, along with Darrell and my Aunt. All of us wanted to see him before the new Omicron variant takes hold; I have a feeling it won't be too long before we are all locked down once again and visiting anyone will become impossible. None of us wanted a repeat of last year, when I was unable to see Dad at all, except for a very brief visit to drop off Christmas presents. Dad seemed happy to see us, and I am thankful we could spend some quality time together before the big day.

Dad took us all out for lunch at his local pub and restaurant, the 'Oast and Squire,' which was lovely. The food tasted great, and it was fantastic to sit and chat, without a care in the World. Occasions like this are rare and even rarer during this pandemic. I have no idea when I will see Dad again; Like most people, I am having to rethink various aspects of my Christmas. I have already cancelled several events with friends, not wanting to put others at risk. From a work Christmas party to a live music gig at the Rifle Club, all of us have had to make choices, about what is best for us and our families. I want to spend Christmas Day with my loved ones and not have to content with a potential COVID infection, others of course may feel differently.

It is difficult to get into the Christmas spirit at the moment, but we are doing our best to try to enjoy this year's events. We have to decide what is the safest option for us as individuals. Of course, Darrell is home with me now, and I also have to think about his well-being equally. Without his booster, I am mindful of his vulnerabilities. He has had two lung collapses in the past, and I have to protect him, as well as me, from the worst of this virus. I hope we will ride this new storm, like we have all the others, but until we know the facts about Omicron and the rising cases of infection (over 78,000 yesterday,) we have to think the worst. All of us hope this will be the final year of restrictions, but nothing is for certain. The average length of a pandemic is four to five years, I read recently, so we could have a long way to go yet! Stay safe y'all!

Being preoccupied with work recently, has been an absolute God send. At times, I moan about all the extra shifts I've taken on, complaining about how tired I am and how I should relax a bit more. However, it is my choice to take on any extra hours and if I am honest, I not only enjoy it, but it also helps me deal with the pressures I am under at the moment. I am fortunate to be doing jobs  I love, working with people who I adore and always have time for. My colleagues listen to my tales of woe and also lift me up when I am feeling down; God knows there have been a lot of days like that over the last month or so.

Whether I am working in the Newcome Arms, or in the local supermarket, I am just thankful to be employed, especially during this enduring pandemic. There has been moments of fun and laughter also, even while working in busy and challenging environments. Halloween has been a fantastic opportunity to let my hair down, despite working in my various roles. Dressing up and getting involved has been a real stress reliever. For a brief period of time, I have been able to forget about my own issues and concentrate on living in the moment. I am comfortable being in other people's company, chatting and soaking up the atmosphere at such a magical time of year.

It has been difficult stepping back from Zerina and the rest of the volunteers, even for a short while. This was my time, a day for me to enjoy the company of like-minded individuals and be who I want to be.  Darrell, however, has started to work there himself, while I am unable to, and that makes me happy, keeping that link alive while I do what I have to do.

As I begin a well-earned break and a short period of annual leave, I was able to pop into the shop in Commercial Road to say hi to everyone, and it felt like coming home. You have to remember this was the first place I started to work at, back in 2018. These were the first people I interacted with, after returning from Gran Alacant and the job that helped me restart my life in the UK. Naturally I have a strong affection for Cancer Research and everyone who works there and will most certainly be back in the future.

Despite my work commitments, I have managed to spend some valuable time with family, even if it was brief. My Aunt threw a Halloween party for the grandchildren and friends, and it was a great afternoon. It is events like this that make for noteworthy memories; without the kids, cousins and friends, my life would be all the poorer. At fifty years old, I have realised the significance of my kin folk and having them around. It is true, I have never been a big family man; there are periods I just want my space and time for Darrell and me, but I am well aware of how richer my life is with them in it.

It is important to note my continued battle with weight loss at this point. I am well aware I haven't been easy to live with since the beginning of October. When I began my quest to lose a few kilograms, I was well aware of the multiple times I have tried to diet in the past, all without success. On the 4th October I weighed nearly a hundred kilograms, today I weigh 89 kg, which is nearly a loss of two stone. It has been hard sticking to a strict calorie controlled diet, especially with all the stress I have, but surprisingly I have continued to follow my programme. This certainly isn't something I could maintain indefinitely, especially with all the work I have to do, but it is an encouragement to reach my goal of a 15 kg weight loss by the end of this month.

On top of this, I have had to endure the spectre of a reoccurring health issue, that has resurfaced after a long break. I am currently taking antibiotics for Diverticulitis, and they have rather knocked me for six. After seeing three Doctors in just two days and undergoing test after test, the results of which I am still waiting for, I have been given a course of two strong antibiotics, which have turned my stomach inside out; not great when you have IBS. Today I am having a semi fasting day and trying to manage my symptoms as best I can. My stomach is a lot calmer than it was, but still doesn't feel right.

Going out last night, with my old college friend Ramona, probably didn't help my IBS, but it's been five months since we saw each other and a long-overdue visit was in order. Darrell, Ramona and I popped down to Gunwharf Quays for a meal at Bella Italia, not part of my weight loss regime, but necessary nonetheless.

Neither of us have seen many friends, over the last few years, especially with the pandemic; it was important for us to start making time for those we regard as close and begin spending quality time with each other again. Like us, Ramona has had her fair share of ups and downs, so sharing our experiences helps, when we are going through hard times. It's always great to see Ramona, someone I have known for thirty years, she understands me more than anyone I know apart from Darrell and has always been an integral part of my life. She is the one person I can count on, while the rest of the 'hangers on' disappeared, usually up their own ar*es, and I thank God she remains firmly in my life.

....And finally...

There's a new cat in the house, Ragner the Ragdoll… He is absolutely adorable and the perfect addition to my Aunts household. If I had my way, I'd have hundreds of cats, so this twelve-week-old boy is just the icing on the cake, especially for my Aunt, who he absolutely loves. As a pedigree, he has a character and personality like no other, and I know he will give all of us joy at the end of a hard day's work. Cats are the biggest destresser I know, and he is already helping with the anxiety I feel on a daily basis!

... Things can only get better!

It's been a while since I have written a personal blog entry; I have been so busy working over recent weeks, that I just haven't had the time to put pen to paper. It is hard for me, not being able to express myself when I want to, but I do have pressing priorities at the moment, which has meant having to put my life on hold for a short period. We have managed to meet up with an old mate, Elaine, who we haven't seen for six years, and that has lifted my spirits somewhat. I look forward to seeing more friends over the coming months, people who have played a pivotal role in our relationship together!

Darrell has been back in the UK for a little over a month now, although it does feel a lot longer. We have had to deal with so much in such a short space of time, that I sometimes just can't keep up. Our rapidly changing circumstances can be difficult to quantify, causing anxiety on a daily basis. Darrell chose to help his Mother during her battle with cancer, back home in Australia, and now he is being penalised for his endeavours. The reason we are where we are today, experiencing such highs and lows, is because he made an empathetic decision to be with my Mother in law at a particularly traumatic time.

Life has always been hard for us, right from day one, and the truth is, we've not made it easy for ourselves. Living in Spain, travelling the World and in recent times living apart, has caused us no end of issues. Both of us are once again in a position where we have to rebuild and restart our life, back home in the country where we met. Ideally we would have liked to rekindle our links with Spain at some point. It was a country where we both felt happy and accepted. Realistically, however, it isn't going to happen.

Events have conspired to curtail our life on the continent; Brexit and the pandemic have cut short any opportunity to settle in Europe. The hardest part is accepting our dream is finally over. Both of us always dreamt of a new life abroad and in a small way, we did achieve that ambition, but today the long-term complications of such a venture is just too much to overcome. With so many expats now leaving Spain and other European nations to return home, because of their own personal circumstances, after such a terrible two years, we just have to accept the inevitable. Both Darrell and I are not going to be relocating to Spain or anywhere else, anytime soon, if ever!

Despite working a lot of hours, supporting Darrell, my mind has most certainly been elsewhere. I continue to save for our future when I can, but I also have to be pragmatic, unable to put as much money aside as I once could. I have to look after Darrell while he waits for his immigration status to be updated and with the cost of living rising at a dramatic rate, it isn't an easy task. There is only so much money to go around, and I have to be as frugal as I can in order to get us through these next few months.

Before Darrell returned from Australia, my life was relatively comfortable, today I have to bolster him and I, without reliance on benefits of any sort. Our relationship prohibits Darrell from claiming benefits, with expectations resting firmly on my shoulders. This is a particular hard pill to swallow, especially when one considers the contribution and commitment made by Darrell, to this country, over twenty years. He has never claimed a penny in benefits, so why isn't he allowed to ask for help now? It does seem our life will be forever scrutinised and assessed by people who have no concept of the struggles we have endured and  that is a cross we will have to bear.

The waiting game continues for us, as it has done for years; more fighting and battling to remain together after more misguided choices. Even at fifty years old, I am still living as a second class citizen in my own country and both of us are still having to jump through hoops to survive. The best we can hope for, is a return to normality within the next few weeks, the worst, is a refusal from the Home Office and the implementation of plan B, which we haven't even contemplated yet. For now, we will continue to tighten our belts, stay focused and determined and hope for a swift, expeditious end to yet another challenging time, in both our lives!

My three weeks of annual leave has come to an end, and I am finally back to work. Thanks to my employers, I have been able to enjoy an extended period with my husband, Darrell, after his arrival in the UK. We have done a lot of walking, talking and discussing the future, which isn't necessarily what we expected. Neither of us thought we would be back to 2001, battling to secure our life here in Britain, but the reality is, this country has changed much over the last few years. Darrell and I have to learn to adapt to the changing circumstances and accept we will never achieve our ambition to live in Europe.

Trying to get to grips with the state of the immigration system has been a challenge. Darrell has all the same rights as I do, but because they were granted twenty years ago, he is finding it hard proving his status. There are many ways you can ascertain your rights to live and work in the UK; it very much depends on how you originally received your immigration documents.

Darrell received a vignette in his passport, stating he has Indefinite Leave to Remain in the UK; essentially giving him access to employment and benefits. Using his letter from the Home Office in 2001, he has never had a problem obtaining employment and in truth, he shouldn't now. Employers seem to be unaware of the process involved for someone like Darrell, and we are constantly being told to provide a 'share code,' which an employer can use to determine residency status. Share codes are digital passports, the descendants of the vignette Darrell has. In order for him to prove his right to work, he has to follow an entirely different procedure, which is clearly highlighted on the '.Gov' website. Sadly, this is little understood by employers, and we seem to be fighting a losing battle.

Both of us have been pulling our hair out, trying to draw attention to the resources available to prospective employers, searching for information from someone like Darrell. We both seem to be going around in circles, and it is frustrating to say the least. A simple calculation on a government website would clear up the ambiguity of our situation, yet the digital nature of proving one's right to work in 2021, especially after the pandemic, has become our Achilles heel.

Darrell has applied for jobs and spoken to employment agencies in Britain and just to highlight the difficulties we have been experiencing, each one has different criteria for determining whether he has the right to work. Some are prepared to take his Home Office letter, others not, some want a sharing code, others not; On top of this, having lived in Europe, his Spanish licence is also causing problems. Most employers want a British licence, but interestingly, many of the larger organisations are perfectly fine with a Spanish one. Our movement, all over the World, appears to have created obstacles; the British government want us to stay in one place and never to leave again. That isn't us, our life is based around travelling, it's the way we met and part of the fabric of our relationship together.

Trying to get a car and insurance is also proving problematic. Darrell hasn't driven for several years now, not since he and I lived in Spain, so getting reasonably priced insurance has become yet another stumbling block. We aren't sure if his 'no claims,' bonus can be transferred  from Linea Directa, his Spanish insurance company, to a similar business in the UK. If not, the cost of insuring even a small car will run into hundreds, possibly thousands of pounds. This is yet another hurdle we need to cross, as we rebuild our life back home.

Of course, we aren't the only people going through hard times at the moment. After Brexit, the number of expats returning has increased, and they too are having to start again, in a country that has changed dramatically since they last lived here. Compounded by the pandemic and people being unable to get home because of the virus, returning British residents have some serious concerns they need to address; we are all going through the same upheaval, and it won't end anytime soon.

It looks like Darrell and I will experience some awkwardness in how we live our life for the foreseeable future, until the Home Office give him his biometric resident card, and he can finally prove his right to work. Until then, I will be working long hours in two jobs to support us both. I'm not afraid of hard work, so life will carry on very much in the same vein, as it always has. Things may well seem daunting at present, but we are assured our predicament will get better and resolve in the near future. We are lucky to be together still, after twenty-six years, and that is our most important achievement. The world may well have changed dramatically since 2016, but it is also an opportunity for us, to start again, as we have done, so many times before. Our success or failure will depend on how well we whether the incoming storm; we are both fighters, and our determination can only help us focus on the challenges ahead.

September seems to be a busy month around here. There are numerous Birthdays, our anniversary, and the last of the summer sun to enjoy, before winter sets in. It was great to see old friends and new, also, as the last of the pandemic restrictions were finally lifted, life has started to get back to normal; more social interaction and time with family and friends has once again become a feature of everyday life. With Darrell returning home this month as well, life has suddenly got even more vivacious than usual. Despite having three weeks off, I have been busy every day and never seem to find the time to just sit down and chill!

On Saturday, we celebrated my Aunty Trisha's Birthday. For the first time in God knows how long, I had a few pints. This isn't something I would usually do if I am honest, especially after past experiences. IBS has prevented me from doing many of the things I would like, including drinking, but I felt it was time to see if my rather delicate constitution could handle it and luckily enough, I have no problems to report. This was a surprise to me, but since my gallbladder removal, my life has slowly been getting back to normal and the pain I experienced in the past is no longer there.

Since my operation in April, I have sadly started to put on weight again. The digestive conditions I suffered from, have subsided, and I have started to indulge in the things I used to like, including my downfall, cheese. When I weighed myself this morning, I was a horrifying 99.4 kg, this is a huge leap from the 93.5 kilos I was before my operation; it's time to start eating healthy again.

Despite the discomfort I experienced with gallbladder disease, the pain actually prevented me from eating a lot of things that were bad for my health. High fat food was always a no no, chocolate as well, and too many carbs would also cause problems. You can deduce from this, that my diet was actually far healthier than it is now; all I have to do, is change my eating habits once again.

Watching 'This Morning' today, there was a segment on weight gain, especially round the midriff. After doing a calculation they suggested, determining your ideal waist size, by dividing your height by two, it was clear I was actually five inches bigger than I should be; I've seriously got to start losing weight!

My Aunt had a fabulous Birthday, surrounded by a few close friends and family. We all chatted the night away, talking about the old days and listening to music from a bygone era. I haven't had many opportunities to spend time with my Aunt on her Birthday over the years, so it felt good to be a part of her day. Family is precious and even during the darkest times in our life, we should cherish the memories they bring.

Making arrangements for Darrell's resettlement in the UK and seeking advice from solicitors over his immigration status, has taken priority over the last few weeks. However, we have managed to spend a little time walking and relaxing, in between the mountain of paperwork and collection of documents. Having now employed a solicitor, we look forward to a speedy end to our current predicament. A long, five-mile walk around Portsmouth to the sea front in Southsea, has not only been energising, but it has also taken our minds off pressing matters.

At the height of the pandemic, I used to walk daily, up to ten miles at a time. As restrictions eased, and I spent more time at work, I became less and less active. Walking five miles, was half what I was used to, but I found it extremely difficult. Nevertheless, the weather was perfect, which made for an enjoyable experience.

Now Darrell is back, I would like to do more exercise, but I have a feeling I will be working more than ever. Until he is able to work himself, I will have to take on extra shifts. Once employed, I will be able to take a step back somewhat and not work so hard. My hope is, we will both be able to take on a more active lifestyle. I have to keep reminding myself, that I am in the final seven days of a three-week break from work, so have piled on the pounds, more than I usually would. Once I get back into a routine, the weight should hopefully start dropping off again.

It was great to end the week with friends and colleagues from work. Darrell and I have been through so much in recent times, that a few hours with those closest was just what the Doctor ordered. Drinks, food and chatter, was a welcome break from the difficulties of the last fortnight. It was a fantastic evening, thoroughly enjoyable and made a pleasant change, from worrying about things I literally have no control of.

I am a worrier by nature, which is also why I write. Anything that helps me take my mind off things that may be bothering me, is perfect for helping me to wind down and relax. I have been told by my Doctor many times before, that the IBS symptoms I suffer with daily, is due to my constant worrying. An evening out with friends, even if I am indulging in food and drink that would normally cause havoc with my digestion, is a great healer; that can only be a good thing.

Since Darrell returned to Britain, life has begun to get back to normal, well as normal as it can at the moment. Having my husband home has done wonders for my psychological wellbeing and has allowed me to see a future, where once there was none. Dining out with friends, together, may seem small to some, but to me, it signifies continuity and that is important for both of us. After such a negative period in our life, we can finally begin the process of restarting where we left off nearly two years ago. This month signals the beginning of a new chapter and a desire to succeed; only time will tell if the 'pandemic years' will have any lasting effect. The hope is, we will forget the last few years, put the dark days behind us and begin to finally live again!