Well Thursday really was an emotional day, as I said farewell to friends and colleagues from Tesco, The Newcome Arms and Cancer Research - all places I have worked since my return to Portsmouth from Spain in 2018. To say leaving Portsmouth, even for a year, will be an enormous wrench is somewhat of an understatement. Emotions really have been running high for me, as I have said my goodbyes to some fantastic friends. I am not a person who cries easily, so Thursday just showed me how lucky I am, having made some wonderful memories with some truly amazing characters; the tears did flow briefly, as I said one last au revoir to everyone who has played an important role in my life over the last four years. In the main, however, they were tears of happiness, as bonds were cemented, and I realised these were friends for life, wherever I am in the World.

In many respects, this week has been a Godsend. Realising I was finally about to leave the UK on the trip of a lifetime, I started to relax and enjoy the final few days here in Portsmouth. With only two days left, I am content with the choice I have made and look forward to the future. It has also been a hard seven days, having to wear a mask at work and keep my distance as much as possible, as I prepare for the long flight to Australia. Having been planning this journey for about six weeks, I have become drained and run down from all the preparation. It has been hard getting to this point, but the days of Darrell and I, spontaneously getting up and going, are well and truly over; this is the adventure of a lifetime, and it has to be done right.

So many people have wanted to say goodbye, that we have been living an emotional tight rope for a while now. Ever since I announced I was taking a lifestyle break from work, I have had so many colleagues asking to spend time with us, that I have been taken aback. A year really is a long time, and Darrell and I realise how important it is to connect with those close before we go. I hope to be back in twelve months, but who knows what will happen.

Apart from going to see my Father, that really is it, the end of our time in the UK for a while. Our life will now consist of traversing the World, experiencing new cultures and living out of a suitcase. This isn't everyone's cup of tea; travelling isn't always glamorous, it does have its downsides. We will be away from family and friends for an extended period and unable to enjoy that one to one interaction, that I so adore. I am a social animal first and want that close contact, on a one to one basis, but I am also someone who needs to explore, looking for answers and reaching out for new and inspiring experiences. It is a choice to travel for most, but for us, it is a way of life, that we haven't experienced for a very long time, since 2019. This is a time of great excitement, but also of trepidation and nervousness.

As I sat on the checkouts completing my last shift on Wednesday, ironically training a new member of staff, on the very till I was first trained on nearly four and a half years previously, a colleague approached and tapped me on the shoulder. Whispering in my ear, she told me a customer, who had become close over the years, had died that very morning. Her sister wanted to come over and see me before I left. This dear lady spoke so eloquently of her sister's last moments, ending by saying, she had hoped 'I had already left on my travels,' because of how difficult it was to tell me of her sister Pats passing. An emotional day, had just become even more emotional, and I was left feeling rather empty after the news. As someone who believes in fate, I truly believe this was meant to be and gave me the green light to leave Fratton, embarking on a new but thought-provoking journey.

So many friends and colleagues have signed cards and given me small gifts and tokens of friendship to take with me. I have been overwhelmed by their generosity and care, and moved by the words they have said. One of my closest colleagues gave me a compass, reminding me, that wherever I was in the World, she would 'find me.' She, like so many others, will always be a part of my life, and I am so happy to have met her and everyone else. My closest friend Jules gave me a beautiful card, (below) and 'Tree of Life' pendant, signifying, according to him, my independence, uniqueness and family bonds. In all but name he is the Brother I never had, and this gift will always link us together, as both of us go our separate ways for now.

From my job at Tesco, I went to The Newcome Arms and Cancer Research, where I made my final farewells to people who have been so important to me during my years here. Walking back into The Newcome felt like coming home; as I sat chatting over a pint of Stella and packet of crisps, I was reminded of where it all started in 2018. I haven't been back here for a while due to work commitments, but I spent many years working here and needed to say goodbye. Yes I know this is a lifestyle break and not forever, but with the world the way it is, I worry when I come back, nothing will be the same again; saying cheerio means closure, so I can happily go off on my mission to find myself....again!

From The Newcome it was on to Cancer Research in Commercial Road for a glass or two of Prosecco and some typically uplifting banter. This is the reason I started volunteering and why I kept coming back. The volunteers and Zerina, especially, are amazing individuals; when Darrell got a job with the shop, I knew how happy he would also be, and I wasn't wrong. I know it is so hard for him leaving everybody, but like me, he has made some memorable friendships. These are people who will always remain in both our hearts, they are quite simply the best of British and the most hard-working, down to earth bunch I have ever known.

Today, a friend from work who I missed yesterday, popped a card and a bottle of wine round. She wanted to come and see me before I left. Once again, I can not stress enough how deeply moved I have been by everyone's good wishes, it really means a lot. As a friend from Spain told me recently, rightly or wrongly, I have touched many lives; I just hope I have done so in a positive way. Angela has always been a beautiful soul, sharing mine and Darrell's love of cats, and has been a great friend during my tenure at Tesco. I will of course see her and everyone else again, but for now I am just happy for the love they have shown.

After Angela's impromptu visit, my Aunty Trisha, Darrell and I went to Titchfield to see my Father. This will be the last time I see him for a while, and I wanted to make sure he was OK. It is true to say I am worried about Dad. He is seventy-five years old and looking a little frail these days, but he repeated how well he was, and I should go off on my travels and not look back.

That is easier said than done. Although I don't see Dad as often as I would like, I enjoy being close by. When my Mother suddenly died in 2019, I was grateful to be near to my Father and glad to be able to do something to ease his pain. If anything happens to him while I am away, it will be harder to return quickly. Nevertheless, he assured me he was fine once again, and I have to take his word for it, after all I have no reason not to. I will naturally worry about him, but will check in as often as I can.

Dad gave me a deeply personal parting gift and a bunch of letters he had found, that I had sent Mum back in 1995. One of them was the very letter I wrote to her, coming out as gay, and my God did that bring back some emotions. My life may well be different to what Dad ever expected or even desired, but it is mine to own, and I have tried to live it as best I can. The unconventional nature of our relationship, separated at times by thousands of miles, has kept us strong as a couple. Our home will always be here in the United Kingdom, after all it's where we live, but torn between two diverging worlds it is our fate to travel, often for long periods of time. We will both know when the time is right to settle down, but for now we will keep following our heart on this endless journey that seems to never ends.

Bye bye UK, I'll see you soon!

On Monday, I said a fond farewell to Cancer Research - 'my happy place.' I began volunteering at the shop in Commercial Road in June 2018 on my return from Spain and have always enjoyed my time there. Zerina has been a rock of support for four years, as we discussed and shared our numerous health issues, and my life would have been all the poorer without her. Despite not having volunteered at the shop for a while now, I have always maintained contact and returned when I can to say hello.

Monday was really about Darrell, who has been Deputy Manager at Cancer Research for a little over six months now. I know from talking to Zerina and the volunteers, that he will be missed and has made an impact on all of those who work there. Saying goodbye has always been important for us, because our life has always been so transient. I have lost count of the number of bon voyage parties we have attended and tears that have been shed, as we have embarked on our travels and pastures new. Despite this, in the main, the last few years have been productive and extremely rewarding. If it wasn't for everyone at this little shop, I think we would have left much sooner. Sometimes you need to stay longer than you originally plan, to establish roots in preparation for an impromptu return.

It is the people in Portsmouth who have enriched both our lives since we moved here, and are the most difficult reason against our departure.  We are leaving good friends behind for a year, as we embark on a life-changing journey. Things may well have changed out of all proportion when we return, and that may not necessarily be for the best. Personally, I have always disliked change, which is in complete contrast to my lifestyle, but both Darrell and I are fully aware of just how special our life is. Our willingness to visit new and exciting countries and distant parts of the globe, makes us the couple we have always been.

The food was as wonderful as ever at Spoon World Buffet as fourteen of us sat down to eat. Laughing, joking and reminiscing about days spent at the shop, we all had a memorable final evening together. Darrell is of course still working at the shop until the end of August, like me, and I will have the opportunity to say goodbye to Zerina one final time. However, it felt great to spend time with friends and colleagues in an informal setting, people who have helped shape my life during my time in Portsmouth. I will of miss them more than words can say, but I am thankful for the good times I've had, making money for charity and working together, even during the darkest days of the pandemic. When our travels are complete, Cancer Research will once again be our first port of call, just as it was all those years ago, making more memories to take with us, as we continue with our life, wherever we finally settle down!

Wow, what an expensive week it has been. After years of spending very little, I have spent more money in the last seven days, than I usually would in six months. It makes me nervous when I shell out so much cash, especially when travelling, but I am well aware that this is an important journey for Darrell and I and today, at 51 years old, I need to start living life again. If the pandemic has taught me anything, it's just how short life really is.

The first leg of our trip has finally been booked; We will be staying with family in Croatia, along the Dalmatian Coast, three hotels in Thailand and an apartment in Australia. I am looking forward to seeing our Croatian Cousins more than I can say, and it was always important that we spent time with them, before flying off to Australia to see Mum. Marin and Vlatka have always been welcoming, inviting us into their home, and we have made some wonderful memories over the years. It will be a fantastic place for me to begin my lifestyle break, in the company of family, surrounded by people we both love at a very auspicious time.

From Croatia, after a few days in London, we will fly directly to Bangkok, staying at the Siam Heritage Hotel, in the centre of the city, next we will move Closer to Chao Phraya River and the older part of the city, where we will stay at the Nouvo City Hotel, which according to 'Trust Piolet' and 'Trip Advisor,' is rated excellent. The days of me backpacking around the World are well and truly over, today I want a little more luxury; playing slightly more for a four-star hotel will be worth it in the end, especially when one considers the long flight to Australia when we leave Thailand. It is also important for us to stay in an LGBTQI+ friendly hotel, which the Nouvo Hotel has an amazing reputation for.

Situated in the historic quarter of the city, both of us want to explore the monuments, temples and buildings that make up the fabric of the city. Because both of us have travelled so much in our life, we have very little baggage, nothing of any real significance to take with us on our journeys. What we do have is photographs, hundreds and hundreds of photographs, luckily today in digital format, that document our travels around the World. These are the only things we really value; well, that and a few memories of our cats. Recording the sites and sounds we experience in Thailand, will be another reminder of this once in a lifetime vacation. Pictures are a reminder of the good things in our life; tangible objects only create clutter and confusion; photographs are markers to memories otherwise forgotten.

On our arrival in Australia, I have booked an Airbnb apartment near Victoria Park. Initially we were going to stay with Darrell's Mother at her home in Midvale, but due to the extensive nature of our travels, both of us thought it was best to quarantine ourselves for a while. Darrell's Mother has cancer, and it is important to keep her out of harms way. This was the most difficult place to find appropriate accommodation. Not only is it expensive, but there is also a serious lack of quality hotels and flats on our budget.

After looking extensively on Expedia, where I booked the rest of our holiday, I decided to turn to Airbnb. This wasn't something I wanted to do initially, because I have heard bad things about using this site, but I was running out of options, so had a look. I found a lovely little unit, with stunning views of the city, which would be perfect for the two of us. The set-up process on Airbnb was a bit laborious if I am honest, but once through the red tape it was a joy to navigate. Communication between us and our host Stacey was superb, and I was suitably impressed with the service offered. The flat is a little basic, but for a brief period of self-isolation it should be perfect; it looks like a great place to start our Australian adventure.

We plan to spend several months in Australia and hope to travel from one side to the other, experiencing the best the country has to offer. We will of course make more definite plans when we are there, but it will involve spending quality time with Mum and the rest of Darrell's family. There is so much of Western Australia I want to see, that I haven't already; I haven't been there for many years, so making time to navigate this vast state will be both our priorities for the first few weeks.

Despite not having made any firm arrangements for our time down under, I have organised my flight out of the country in November, just after Darrell's Birthday. I have booked a flight with Jetstar Airways to fly to Bali in Indonesia, a place I have visited briefly before, twenty-four years ago. This may be a part of the journey I do on my own, while Darrell stays with Mum. Beginning in Bali, I want to explore more of Asia, especially places off the beaten track, and hope to go to Laos and explore more of Vietnam and Cambodia. Darrell will fly out a little later and meet me, so we can continue our journey together.

Whatever happens during this break, we hope to visit many countries on our bucket list. Of course, COVID will always be in the back of our minds, but now feels right to start flying around the globe once more. There is so much I want to do before I am too old, and time waits for no man. Feeling hopeful, COVID will not interfere with our plans, we just want to get back to doing what we do best in this post COVID era. A year does seem a long time to be travelling, but we have saved hard for this, and I am used to living out of a suitcase. This is yet another new chapter in our life together, as new horizons direct our way, to a year vastly different from any we have seen before!

Having made the decision to take a year-long lifestyle break from work, now comes the hard bit. My calendar is full for the next few weeks, as I say farewell to friends and colleagues from Tesco and Cancer Research. Both of us made a conscious choice not to get involved with other people too closely, over the last few years. It was a decision born from experience and a need to save as much money as possible for our journey ahead. We had targets to meet to fund our trip, so we tried to not over spend and only buy essentials. I can probably count on two hands the amount of times I went on a good night out, and as sad as that is, it has given me more options today, as we set our sights on the holiday of a lifetime!

I am trying to spend as much time as possible with my nearest and dearest here in Portsmouth before we leave. After all, this isn't the usual holiday. Cancer Research has played a huge part in my life over the last four years and even though I no longer volunteer regularly, it is always good to catch up with Zerina and the rest of the team. I know Darrell has thoroughly enjoyed his six months there as Deputy Manager. Without this charity shop, my faith in charities and the good work they do, would have never been restored. As readers of Roaming Brit are aware, my blogging career started through adverse times at Oxfam, so anything that helped me overcome my fears was welcome.

Naturally Clayborne the Cancer Research Teddy will be coming with me, as he does on all my trips abroad, highlighting the good things this charity does. Clayborne came with Darrell and me when we last left the UK on our travels to the far east. He will equally be a marker for the sites and sounds we encounter this time. This little bear has travelled further than me over the last few years during the pandemic. He was even part of a repatriation flight to Los Angeles, when COVID was at its height. Cancer Research will leave a long legacy in the name of Clayborne, and he will be a link to this wonderful shop in the heart of Portsmouth for as long as I can travel!

With my Father approaching his 75th Birthday, I am trying to spend as much time with him as possible over the next few weeks. Today I visited him and also my Aunt at home in Fareham. Dad is understandably apprehensive about me taking a 'gap year' at 51 years old, but as I said to him, 'I want to enjoy travelling before I am too old.' Dad isn't someone who has ever been on holiday abroad, so for him, it is a concept he finds difficult to understand. Nevertheless, he has given me his blessing and just wants me to be happy. He understands both Darrell and I are travellers at heart, and although I will miss him terribly, I will see him again in a year!

The Siam Heritage Hotel will be our first port of call in Bangkok, as we spend four days in the heart of this vibrant city. This small boutique, traditional Thai hotel, will give us plenty of time to explore downtown Bangkok, a five-minute walk from Patpong and its extraordinary nightlife. This place suits me down to the ground, as a lover of accepted, time-honoured traditions. Modernity and souless architecture have never really been my thing; I would prefer that my stay in Thailand is more culturally centred, staying in surroundings more in keeping with the country in which I am staying.

This evening we are looking at hotels along the riverside, near to many of the historic monuments, in complete contrast to the fast pace of Patpong. I enjoy seeing the different contrasts of city life and like to experience the diversity that makes up the urban sprawl. I am immediately drawn to Chao Phraya River in the centre of Bangkok, having lived near or close to water most of my life,  and would like to stay in a Hotel overlooking this stunning waterfront. Wherever we stay in Bangkok, we are both looking forward to exploring a new city once again; This is what makes us gel as a couple, creating more memories for years to come.

We have also booked our flights to Croatia, Thailand and Australia and have been looking at flying to Bali and Indonesia after a two-month stay travelling across Australia. I have booked tickets direct with Thai Airways, having flown with them before, when we travelled to Vietnam in 2019. It was probably one of the best long haul flights I have ever been on, and although I am not looking forward to wearing a mask all the way to Perth, Western Australia, I understand the rules and regulations are in place to protect everyone flying with the airline. This will be a holiday like no other for many reasons, but at the tail end of the biggest pandemic in over a hundred years, it is even more poignant for us. Despite my initial fears, this is a journey we both need to take, as we get to know one another again after our two years of forced separation!

The next few weeks before our departure are going to be hectic. Planning a long trip isn't without its pitfalls. Working out an itinerary that works for both of us, especially two people with very different ideas, can be problematic. However, we've done this many times before, and it is the one thing at the moment, that keeps us focused. I am looking forward to leaving Portsmouth behind for an extended period, it is my home, yes, but it is also a place I have grown tired of. Maybe a year away will help me reconnect with this great naval city, returning on very different terms. For now, it will be a fond bon voyage, in future I may fall in love with Pompey once again, who knows... Only time will tell!

It has been another difficult week, something that seems to be happening more and more recently. However hard my circumstances are at the moment, I do try and take some time out and chill when I can, even if it is only for a few hours. After a shift on Saturday, Darrell and I managed to grab a couple of those important moments and have a meal together, Despite this, I could tell he wasn't it the best frame of mind, after having a particularly hard day at work.

Confrontation isn't an activity I relish, so after a rather terrible meal, it was the last thing I needed. I can handle most arguments by simply walking away, preferring to retreat to safety, but on rare occasions this isn't possible. Having been dragged into conflict, I normally do what I can to defuse situations, but that doesn't always work. On Saturday evening, Darrell and I packed a few things and left Portsmouth, having no intention of returning. I had finally reached the end of my tether and just needed to get away. Some situations feel unsalvable, and it is necessary to just up sticks and go as far away as possible.

Not for the first time, we headed to the train station with a large full case and three packed bags of belongings, essential for proving our partnership. Despite being together for twenty-seven years, we still have to carry a suitcase full of paperwork documenting our years as a couple. This ensures our life is recognised in whichever country we choose to settle in. As we walked along Fratton high street, just as we did over a quarter of a century ago, walking over Westminster bridge in the early hours of Saturday morning, both times dragging a broken case with a dodgy wheel, we made plans for the future. It was time to finally bite the bullet and fly home to Australia, restarting our life once again.

As I approached the ticket machine at the train station, about to buy two tickets to London, Darrell persuaded me to instead head to our old home in Southampton for the night, so we could just get some rest after a terrible evening. Sat waiting for the train, I messaged my work, prepared to hand in my notice there and then. We were leaving for Australia and that was my only priority. Luckily, the duty manager, who was working at the time, advised me to take a week's unpaid leave and think rationally about what I was doing. It is true to say, that minds can become cloudy in the heat of a fight and as we are all too aware, irrational decisions can overtake rational thought. Prepared to leave there and then, I took a step back, briefly, and said I would take time out to decide my next move. That was a wise decision, something I'm glad I agreed to.

We had half an hour to wait for the train, so spent the time messaging friends, who were absolutely amazing. A colleague I am particularly close too, akin to family, like the real brother I have never had, was extremely emotional and empathetic. He gave me a sense of what true friendship was like, even offering us a place to stay. Speaking to him on the phone, both emotional, he made me feel wanted in a way I haven't felt here in the UK, since my return in 2018. Of course, I have close family, but today I do tend to keep friends at a distance, especially after what has happened in the past. To hear such heart-warming words, made me realise I do have a life here and the people I work with mean the World to me.

Both Darrell and I remained quiet, sat on the train, during the forty-minute journey. Surrounded by bags, my life in tow, I just glanced out of the window, remembering the day we left for Australia in 1995 in similar circumstances. Our life has never been conventional in any sense of the word, but like all of you, we just want to settle down and lead our life normally, as we think fit, without other people dictating our every move. Since COVID and the cost of living crisis, our options to move forward have become even more limited than they were before. We have many more difficulties now, trying to achieve our dreams, and it looks likely we will have to spend the next few years building hard for a future that just isn't attainable right now. I dream of freedom every day, yet it's just too far out of reach; always one step forwards, two steps back!

Jury's Inn in Southampton was full of Saturday night revellers, and we were lucky to get a room at all, even at an inflated £206. After initial confusion with our booking, paid through PayPal, which still remains pending in my account, we finally got into our room at 10.30pm. Yet again we made more plans for a new life, just like we have done so many times before; we talked, got angry, cried and generally felt sorry for ourselves, all the while mindful of the challenges we face every day. Falling asleep briefly, we were both wide awake by 6am, when we finally came to some decisions after a few hours kip.

No argument is insurmountable, even ones as bad as the previous night. Both of us have made a life for ourselves in Portsmouth, even if it isn't going to be forever. I would miss my job, family and friends if I had to up sticks and leave, so it was time to bury the hatchet and get back to the way things were.

There has been so much turmoil and upheaval in my world recently that it is important for us both to try and live as peacefully as possible. I don't want drama in my life any more, I am too old and long in the tooth to be dealing with it. If anything, the last few days have shown how much I need Portsmouth in my life right now, especially my work and the friends and colleagues who make mine and Darrell's existence far more bearable. We have naturally discussed plans for a three-month stay in Australia, when the time is right, and hope we can see our Australian family in the not too distant future. For now, I will pick myself up, dust myself down and continue as if nothing has happened, the best way to survive another day!

It has been a busy week for me, and I am feeling particularly tired. I am currently working a lot of hours and rarely have time to myself. Saving for lots of different things, especially during this cost of living crisis, is proving more challenging than I expected, even with me being in an enviable position. Like all of you, I am feeling the pinch, with my living costs going up daily, and there doesn't seem to be any end in sight. I was using my time here in the UK productively, saving hard for the future but at present the targets I set for myself seem to be slipping away, as I try and keep my head above water. This is not a great period to be alive and like everyone, I am fearful for the future. 

Just yesterday I checked the value of my pensions, as I do from time to time, and was shocked at the collapse in  their value. In a little over four months, my main pension has fallen 20% and all the gains made over the last three years have been lost; now that is scary, especially when I want to retire in four years time. I understand pensions and investments do fluctuate, it's just part of the course, but the figures I am seeing just indicate a continual decline, unlike anything I have ever seen before.

Equally, the various share holdings I own have also dramatically declined and fallen even further than my pensions. With most of my cash tied up in a high interest savings account, I am fortunate not to have invested too big a portion of my money into higher risk financial products. However, the state of the World economy is still a worrying concern for my future, and I am keeping a close eye on all my investments. We are being hammered from all sides; higher taxes and bills, as well as rising inflation that is dangerously out of control. 

My current thinking is to continue putting as much money away as I can, especially with such a bleak outlook moving forwards; that isn't really going to change. My desire to buy a property is of course my overriding ambition, but after taking advice, I am aware that this isn't the right time to do so. As the crisis gets worse, it looks likely, that house prices will crash in the very near future and I want to be able to pick up a bargain when the time is right. Whether we buy here or abroad, I just have no idea, but by the time I reach my 55th Birthday I hope to finally have a home of my own. 

It is important for me to have goals, which I work towards daily. It gives me focus at especially difficult times. As a person, I have always been terrible with money, so this is the first time I've actually made a positive impact on my finances. I am mindful, nevertheless, of the challenging months ahead, and I am extremely concerned at the possible implications of a continued collapse in financial markets. This is the time I should be building for the future, instead I am battling to stay afloat. Darrell and I are far luckier than most, not having to pay bills, but we do have a lot of outgoings to contend with, and they are just getting more and more burdensome daily. Like everyone else, though, there is very little I can do about it.

The last four years have had their high and low points; the lack of personal space does take its toll, especially recently. Spending the majority of my time at work or held up in a single room doesn't do wonders for my mental health, but I am aware that the sacrifices I am making now should pay dividends in the future. On the plus side, my financial astuteness has increased beyond measure. I have saved more money than I ever have done in my life, and my current circumstances have allowed me to build the foundations for success in the future.

Both Darrell and I are also fortunate to have chosen our friends, far more wisely, than we have done in the past. We no longer have the hangers on, the people who just take, borrow and never pay back and more importantly, we no longer suffer fools gladly. I have a very small group of close friends and never trust anyone I don't know well enough. Yesterday, I went out with a small group of work colleagues, and we had a fabulous night; a rare occasion when Darrell and I spent time with others outside our family circle.

My finances have always taken a severe battering because of other people, which is why we have to be so careful these days. No longer easily influenced or afraid to say no, I am happy to have decent people back in my life. I was such a bad judge of character in the past, that I could never see the impending disaster waiting in the wings. The more I desired the company of others, the more money I spent, and all I am left with today is a bag full of regret and some pretty terrible memories to boot. These people are firmly in the past, but their destructive influence still lingers. I do suffer with anxiety and from time to time I do become particularly inward, self reflective and depressed; Something I am aware could be rearing its ugly head once again today.

It appears it's time to batten down the hatches, just like we did during the pandemic. Working extra hard is necessary right now, since none of us really knows what will happen next. There has been so much thrown at us in recent times, that we just have to do our best to survive each oncoming storm. I know, after attending Cognitive Behavioural Therapy in the past, that it is important to deal with each event or trigger as it happens, breaking down difficulties into smaller packages. Rather than panicking over the bigger picture, I am accepting the inevitable and dealing with each element separately, which I hope will see me through.

Each of us have a difficult road to tread at the moment, and I am no different to you. All I can do is help others when I can, donate to foodbanks, make sure I listen to friends who need help, give them a shoulder to cry on and a voice of reason. Yes, we are all suffering, but we must remember those who are worse off than us. Reach out, be available and above all keep fighting, even when the battle seems lost!

Today, I finally have some time to myself, something I just do not have as a rule. Life has become rather busy for me in every aspect; I am spending more time at work and trying to keep myself busy, every day. Since returning from Spain, I have made a conscious effort to work hard and at the moment, I have a need to do far more than I otherwise would. I have a number of projects I need to save for, as Darrell and I look towards a future based in Europe; this remains our overriding priority. At this moment in time, I am happy to be concentrating on me and Darrell and even though it may seem selfish, I do not care what people think. We have both gone through life caring too much about others and what they may or may not feel, and it has got us nowhere. This is a time for us and succeeding where we have too often failed in the past.

As a person, I am approachable, welcoming, and open; I enjoy spending time with friends and family and want to help where I can. Both Darrell and I have been taken advantage of in the past and every time we have fallen for manipulative, dishonest, dubious characters, again and again. This has always been our Achilles heel and in recent times I have done everything I can to avoid similar situations and most importantly, toxic people.

I could write a book about toxic people, they have played a prominent role in my life, from early adulthood onwards. It is only now, I can claim to finally be a good judge of character. I can spot a bad person a mile off and will always run for the hills in the metaphoric sense. The old me would do everything to help change someone for the better, give them a leg up, roof over their head or a few quid in their pocket if they needed it. The new me is completely different; sadly, I will not get involved in other people's lives and will generally do my best to walk away, when I should probably help. I have been bitten so many times in the past, that I have the scars to prove it; the memories reinforce my current way of thinking, that I can not, and will not, do anything that will affect me or Darrell negatively.

Despite past efforts, I have nearly always been left feeling empty, abused and mistreated. There has not been one occasion where I have been appreciated for helping someone, every single time has left me depressed and down. My own mental health has suffered terribly over the years, not because of me, but because other people have quite simply taken advantage of my good nature. Darrell has always said, 'they see me coming,' and I need to harden up and not give so much to people who don't deserve it. I would of course politely listen, take on board what he was saying, and then promptly do the complete opposite. Today I am very different and if I am honest have learnt the hard way. It isn't until you have reached the bottom that you can really see where you went wrong, and after nearly fifty years, I can finally see the chaff from the wheat.

Today, I don't suffer fools gladly and will often walk away from people at the first sign of trouble. If the alarm bell starts ringing in my head, then I use that as a sign to move on. How many chances should we actually give someone, before finally giving up? Well now, I give no chances, all part of a learning process that has left me feeling pessimistic and downbeat, but sanguine for the future. The fact that I have learnt to deal with the worst society throws my way, leaves me hopeful, that I won't slip up and dramatically fail as I have done in the past. I may well feel melancholy at the moment, but I am aware I won't always feel that way.

From politicians getting away with lies and falsehoods, to a manipulative, abusive antagonist, hurting anyone who doesn't agree with their views and a Mother screaming at her child in the street, I have had it all this week. I have been left feeling emotionally exhausted and can't for the life of me, fathom why people have to be so cruel.

There isn't much I can do about the wider World, mad President Putin in Russia, Boris Johnson getting away with yet another lie or the horrifying prospect of President Trump in the Whitehouse yet again. However, I can stop the rot on my doorstep and remove the most destructive influences in my own life. It is difficult to describe my thoughts and emotions to someone who doesn't understand or indeed care, but writing this entry today, has at least allowed me to offload the anxiety I currently feel. There is so much turmoil in the World at the moment, that my own personal demons  and the friction I witness on a daily basis almost pales into significance. The fact it remains a constant source of pain, shows the impact it has on me and the people around me. Despite trying to block out the apprehension I feel, it just doesn't go away and when you experience the week from hell, you just need to lock yourself away.

The cathartic nature of blogging is the key to my sanity and the reason I continue to write. Without publicly acknowledging how I feel, I wouldn't be able to understand the warning signs, I missed in the past. Reading back over the events of the last seven years, since I started this blog, I have finally been able to move forward. Discarding the mistakes of the past and understanding the nature of individuals, my writing quite simply remains as a warning to do better in the future!

On Wednesday, Darrell and I went to London for the day, as part of my week off, celebrating my Birthday. It is the first time we have been to London in about ten years, normally only ever driving past the place to Heathrow or Stanstead Airport. I had managed to book some cheap train tickets during the recent rail fare sale, so at a cost of £24.00 for two of us, we took a train ride to London and back. The train journey was longer than usual, with the train stopping at every stop, but it didn't make any difference, in fact it was nice to just sit for a couple of hours, watching the day pass by!

After arriving in London, the rain began to fall. As we made our way to Hyde Park and The Princess Diana Memorial Fountain, the rain gradually got worse, evidently setting in for the day. The fountain itself was dreadful, probably the worst tribute I have ever seen for anyone, especially someone of her stature. It was souless, drab and without personality, all words I wouldn't use to describe Diana. Suitably disappointed and with the rain beginning to pour, Darrell and I jumped back on the tube and made our way to China Town for lunch.

China Town, near Piccadilly Circus, is colourful and vibrant, even during the worst of rainstorms. As we arrived in the underground station, an announcement was made, urging customers to take care, during the adverse weather conditions. Our trip to London looked like it would be a washout, and I wasn't holding my breath for a great day, especially with an Australian in tow, who hates the rain.

After wandering around the lantern clad streets, which felt a lot like Kowloon, we went into the Hong Kong Buffet, for an £11.95 lunch and glass of wine. The food was fine, all bog-standard stuff, but certainly filled a hole, ready for the rest of the day and a lot of walking.

We made a short stop at Harrods, where I bought some gifts from the shop. Initially I thought I would buy the typical Harrods plastic bag, but at a cost of £30.00, I thought better of it. This historic department store in the heart of London, seemed different from the last time I visited; It is indeed overpriced, but it was more than that, it was not the sparkling oasis it once was, and I will not be going there again.

Suitably unimpressed, we headed to Covent Garden and had an amazing afternoon, exploring shops and market stalls, buying some cheap souvenirs and a couple of stylish berets from a hat stall. Feeling knackered, we had a few pints in the Punch and Judy public house, built into the arches in the corner of the market. I felt relaxed sat in the relative cosy atmosphere and despite paying over seven pounds a pint, it was a highlight of the day, just being able to do absolutely nothing.

We walked along Embankment, towards Parliament Square and Whitehall, taking in the sights and sounds of the city and the breathtaking architecture.  The skyline had changed a lot since I was last in London, and as we walked along The Thames, the noticeable additions to the city scape were all too clear to see. The House of Commons and more especially The Elizabeth Tower looked glowing, as the sun began to finally come out, after the deluge of the day. Its recent facelift had brought the original blue and gold colours to the fore, and I have never seen it looking so good. This part of London is always impressive, so I am rarely disappointed, but its familiarity is always welcome, especially as we headed towards the end of the day.

Walking down Whitehall, past the cenotaph, just outside Downing Street, there was a small demonstration, against the war in Ukraine. The speakers were very emotional, unsurprisingly, and Darrell and I crossed over to stand and listen for a short while. The scenes of horror being described were unimaginable to most of us here in the relative safety of the UK, but resonated with all of us who were there. After pausing for a minute's silence, a Ukrainian gentleman approached me, and asked if I would take some photographs of the banners he had made to highlight the atrocities in the war. It was very poignant, and as we walked towards Trafalgar Square and our final destination, I was mindful of the tumultuous times we were all living through. London has always been a welcoming city, and just as it has offered sanctuary to other nationalities in times of war, so today It was opening its doors to our friends in Ukraine. The fact a peaceful demonstration can take place opposite the Prime Minister's residence is testimony to our long-established democracy, unlike the totalitarian regime in Russia.

In the end, Darrell and I had a wonderful day in London, ending my Birthday week perfectly, as I go back to work tomorrow. Neither of us see the capital often, but when we do, it never ceases to amaze. Walking around its crazy streets, I thought how much I loved the place and even, just for a fleeting  moment, how I might like to live in this buzzing metropolis. Of course the reality is, I could never afford it, but it is nice to dip in and out at will and enjoy a fun packed day in London, a city of contrasts and a melting pot of cultures!

Princess Diana Memorial Fountain, Hyde Park

China Town and Piccadilly Circus

Harrods, Knightsbridge

Covent Garden

Embankment

Parliament and Whitehall

Demonstration opposite Downing Street, protesting against the war in Ukraine.

Trafalgar Square

It's been nearly four years since I returned to the UK from Spain, and during that time I haven't stopped working. The busiest period for me was always on the weekends, especially a Saturday night. I would often go from job to job, starting early in the supermarket and finishing at midnight in the pub. Fifteen-hour days were all well and good when I was living in Britain on my own, but now Darrell is home, my busy lifestyle has had to change. No one can keep working at such a fast pace, without burning out. A few weeks ago I made the decision to stop working at the Newcome Arms on a Saturday night and the reality is, it has been just the tonic I have needed to finally relax and unwind once again.

I have found it particularly difficult to chill and take time out since arriving back home; with so much on my mind, it hasn't been easy to forget my woes, especially with Darrell being in Australia. Of course, I have never been a person to do nothing, I have to keep busy, which usually involves blogging or going out for a long walk. Having at least part of the weekend free can only be a good thing, as I finally take a step back and enjoy the time I have to myself.  I work more than enough hours to pay for Darrell and me now, and the last thing I want to do is get ready to go out and work on a bustling Saturday night.

Last weekend, for the first time in years, we went out for a meal at what has become my favourite Chinese restaurant, Yan Woo in North End. This small unassuming establishment, set back from the road, offers amazing home cooked food, in an authentic setting, The staff are always friendly and welcoming, making this a great place to unwind after a long day. It did feel good to be sat quietly talking with Darrell, as we always used to, and not having to worry about rushing home to get ready for work. This first Saturday off was a great introduction to normal life once again, and I thoroughly enjoyed being free.

I do use the word free loosely; I never felt trapped working at the Newcome, but rarely having time out on a weekend became a burden towards the end. I haven't needed to work in the pub, in a monetary sense, having enough income to survive, but it was a part of my life I enjoyed. Socially, working in a pub was a wonderful experience, especially on a Saturday, which is usually football day here in Portsmouth. Meeting some incredible people, I cherish some amazing memories, made over many years. I am also still beavering away behind the bar on a Wednesday evening, not wanting to give up bar work just yet. I want and need to keep that contact with a pub I regard as my own and a group of people I have a remarkable bond with. In time, I may decide to knock it on the head completely, but until then, I am happy to be a part of the Newcome team, looking forward to a productive year ahead!

This weekend I was able to spend time with family, going out for the day, eating lunch out and enjoying a home cooked meal in the evening. It was great to do 'normal' things on a Saturday, which I wouldn't have usually done otherwise. It is more important for me now, to have this time to myself, especially with Darrell home from Australia. As 'normal' service resumes, I hope to continue to scale back the amount of shifts I do in the coming months. By the time we approach the end of the year I want to be in a position, where I can pick and choose when I work, without pushing myself too hard. One has to remember, I have had a lot of health concerns over the last four years and after suffering from COVID recently this month, it is time to take stock and realise, life isn't just about working. It is also about spending quality time with the people I love and enjoying life once again.

It has been a little over four years since Darrell was granted his Spanish residency in December 2017, and my God, a lot has happened since. In 2017, we were very much looking forward to our new life in Gran Alacant, enjoying living on the continent and the Spanish way of life. Today in 2022, we are firmly but in many respects reluctantly committed to settling in Britain; not what we planned, but at least we are together.

Today, Darrell received his UK settlement status for a second time, after what has been the most turbulent five years in our life. Darrell was originally given 'Indefinite Leave to Remain' in 2001, but after changes to immigration law, the introduction of a new biometrics card and dramatic changes to our circumstances, he was forced to reapply for the same status yet again. Living outside Australia for nearly two years, caring for Mum, only complicated our situation further. When one adds Brexit and a Worldwide pandemic into the mix, you can see, just how precarious our situation was.

Since his return to the UK in September, we have both been living under a cloud, not knowing if he would be allowed to live here permanently or not. However, after consulting a solicitor at great expense, we were able to establish a legal basis for settlement, and he was finally given back his right of abode. It has been a long, difficult journey getting here; despite our current situation, we are both determined to make the most of our life together and forge a future at least in part based in the UK.

Being around family has been amazing over the last four years, especially whilst living through a pandemic, it has given us both a reason to stay in this part of the World. We have grown close to our cousins and family in a way we haven't before and for that reason, I couldn't be happier. There is nevertheless a profound sense of disappointment that we couldn't continue our journey in Spain, and I will forever wonder what could have been. Despite the sadness we feel, we are both well aware of just how much the World has changed over the last two years in particular, and believe our life in Spain would have been cut short in any eventuality.

Today we both have the luxury of planning for yet another new future, whether on the south coast, or further afield in Lancashire, an area we know well. Neither of us know where life will take us from now, but we are determined to make the most of the opportunities we have and hope the next five years will be a little easier than the last!