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From a new life in spain, to an old life in britain, 'roaming brit' documents uncertain times!

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On 31st January 2016, my partner and I left Southampton to start a new life as Expats in Gran Alacant, on the Costa Blanca. This blog will document our journey, as we navigate the Spanish system, travelling a path untried and untested. With Brexit looming, political turmoil in Europe, and an unpredictable future, harsh decisions must be made. Illness, family bonds, and a Change of heart all make for challenging times in the life of a 'Roaming Brit!'

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34-Year-Old Friendship Rekindled — The spectre of growing old!

5/10/2024

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Age came rushing head long into my life this week, and, thankfully, not for the wrong reasons. A friend from the UK who I haven't seen in 34 years was in Perth, and I knew I had to see him.

Back in the dim and distant past, Wayne and I had a very close friendship, established during our time working together in the Civil Service. Despite losing touch for many years, I was determined to reconnect, and rekindle what is an important relationship. After not seeing each other for so long, I was worried by what could happen. Would he still be the same person? Would we still have a connection? And can you really rebuild a friendship after a decade and a half apart!

Wayne and I met in 1990, at a time of great change for me. I was evolving from being a shy teenager, into a deeply sentimental young man, with the weight of the World on my shoulders. Wayne was someone who taught me much about life, and for a period of time we were inseparable. Of course, a lot has happened between then and now, but when someone leaves significant footprints on your heart, you know you have to make the effort!

Back in the early 1990s, I had a small group of friends from college. After the odd afternoon out at The Jolly Sailor, our local hostelry of choice, they would drop me off at Wayne's house in Gosport, where I would try to sober up, before heading home. Wayne looked after me in some terrible states. He made sure I was fed and watered, and we formed a close bond. Our friendship was brief on the scale of things, but it was also very important. Sadly, we lost contact, as Wayne moved away, and my life took me to University in Southampton.

Of course, a lot happened in the intervening years; I met Darrell and settled down, and With the birth of social media, I tried my luck, to see if I could find Wayne, initially on 'Friends Reunited.' I successfully found him, after a long time searching, and we finally got in touch once again.

Now comes the weird bit — during the time when Wayne and I weren't in touch, like me, he had relationships, different jobs, and oddly, he was living in Spain, at exactly the same time I was. Even more mind-blowing, is he was in a relationship with one of Darrell's best friends from school. Of all the people in the World, this was an unexpected connection, that fate appeared to be responsible for. You have to remember, during this period, Wayne and I were not in touch, and we only found out this mutual link relatively recently… Life has a funny way of throwing curveballs, just to keep you on your toes.

This was a bizarre twist of fate, that on the surface at least, appeared to be just too much of a coincidence. However, it was, and here we were, 34 years later, chatting about it, sat outside The Belgian Beer Café, in Murray street, ten thousand kilometres from home, where I first met him, just after leaving school…

​This brings me nicely on to my vlog this week. After seeing Wayne, I realised just how old I was. Wayne was still the same person I knew all those years ago, I could tell instantly from his smile; our conversation was just like picking up from where we last left off, but we were both older, much, much older, and different in so many ways. Age, for me, is quite a traumatic thing — it is a sore subject, that I do my best to avoid. I never want to admit my age to myself, but, seeing someone from your past, allows you to reevaluate just what growing old means.

Those 34 years have gone so fast, yet It really does feel just like yesterday and in many respects, it scares me that I am now in my mid-fifties. In another 34 years, in all likelihood, I'll be dead… We really are on this planet, for such a brief period of time, just the blink of an eye!

Despite my own feelings on age, It was nice to see someone from my past. I guess that is the point you realise just how far you have come in life. The 1990s were great years for me personally, and I look back with fondness at a time that allowed me to finally come out and be the person I was always destined to be. I am not in contact with many friends from that period, so it was even more important to cement a bond that would otherwise have been lost — Social media really does have a lot to answer for. It can be responsible for conflict, abuse, bullying and resentment, but it can also bring people together in a rewarding and tangible way. It's good to have Wayne back in my life, even if it has made me question for fast approaching, inevitable and challenging old age. Furthermore, it is the reopening of a story that I had believed was over, and the beginning of another chapter, and a second chance at a friendship that I had thought had gone away!


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Chatting About My Childhood - Growing up in Fareham!

8/9/2024

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Revisiting The Past From Afar!

5/3/2023

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PictureMe and Lee circa 1976
I've been away from the UK for six months now, and I often think of home. Understandably, I am not missing that little island in the North Sea in the traditional sense; I literally can't stand what Britain has become, and that is a bit of a shock for me. I feel a little bit detached from the memories I made over the years, the people who were a part of my life and most importantly the childhood that made me the person I am today.

There are many aspects of my childhood I didn't like; coming of age in a small provincial market town on the south coast of England, was not a barrel of laughs, especially during the 1980s. However, the good outweighed the bad, and there is much more that resonates fondly with me, than not, even today in my fifties. Yes, I did have my problems, but in the main my recollections are of happy times, full of laughter, surrounded by friends and loved ones. Enjoying lazy, long summer days, we played outside until the sun went down, and the street lights came on.

I have written a lot about my childhood throughout this blog. 'Short Stories From My Youth,' documents my early years, as a small boy finding my way in the World. Living thousands of miles away in Australia, I often think of my roots, even though I would rather forget the more challenging aspects of an era that certainly wasn't easy.

Relocating to Australia in the past was difficult; during the 1990s there wasn't the access to internet as there is today and staying in contact with friends and family was hard. I became extremely lonely and withdrawn and returned to the UK relatively quickly, when in reality I should have stayed; how amazing my life would be today if I had remained in Perth back then. Today I am reliving that original journey, only this time with enthusiasm and determination. Most importantly, I am in constant contact with people back home, and that is keeping me here, sane and content.

As I child I lived in a social housing complex on the edge of the south coast town of Fareham, a short walk from my families village of Titchfield. I have mainly positive memories from my time living here and most importantly, I was never lonely. Nashe House, as it was called, was filled with young families and children of the same age. My next door neighbour, Lee, was my closest friend at the time, and we would often play together outside. Our front doors were always left open, we were in and out of each other's flat all day; the community of which we were all apart was welcoming, giving and always there to give support when needed. None of us were rich, this was the 1970s, after all. What little we had, we gave gladly, and there was a sense of belonging in a way that doesn't exist today.

My old next door neighbour Lee has been in constant contact since I moved to Australia, and for that I am truly grateful. He has messaged consistently, and we often talk about the lives we once shared, a lifetime ago. Lee is a link to the past that I wouldn't otherwise have, and he has helped me adjust to Australian life, just by knowing he is there, echoing the memories we made together as children. His friendship has been instrumental in keeping me grounded and focused, as I restart my life in Australia, and that is something I am truly grateful for.

Let me be honest, I haven't kept in contact with many people since leaving school; I had very few good friends at that time, and if anything I was glad to walk away through the school gate on that final day. It is only because of the advent of social media, that I have managed to interact with school friends and those I lived with in Nashe House. Had I been born even a few years before, I am not entirely sure if I would be in contact with anyone from that period today. For that reason, Facebook, Instagram and the like have helped me communicate with those I would have ordinarily lost contact with.

Lee's Mum still lives in the neighbourhood, and he visits her often. To be honest, I wish I had spent more time with my Mother before she died, but we can always look back with hindsight and think 'what if?' Last week, he visited his Mum as usual and sent me photographs of the community, I used to call home. Apart from a brief visit, I haven't been there in many years, and it brought back so many memories, seeing it, as it is today.


When I was a child, everything seemed so big. The block of flats where I lived appeared vast; I remember looking up to the balcony above our front door, head spinning, feeling dizzy, at the sheer height of the 70s brick structure above. Just outside our small front garden, the dedicated washing area, where residents hung their clothes to dry, was an arena to play and make memories. The rolling green fields of the school opposite flowed infinitely down to the old railway bridge, where I used to forage for blackberries with Mum and Dad as a child. The surrounding houses and shops, offered a chance to explore, finding new hiding places, adventures and journey's to fulfil.

This was a time of wonderment and finding my place in the World, but it was also a period to push boundaries and see just how far I could go. As children, we were always looking to towards each new day with enthusiasm and awe. Without a care in the World, life flowed like water off a ducks back.

Lee's photographs conjured up an explosion of nostalgia and remembrance. Reflections of an innocent time, free from stress and worry, came flooding back. Laid bare before me, were photographs of my juvenescence, forty-five years in the future. I vaguely remember different scenarios related to these modern day digital photographs, but I don't recognise the run down nature of a neighbourhood that used to be so well-kept and looked after.

Lee and I grew up at a time before technology, before mobile phones and computers; we used our imaginations, rather than websites and search engines and enjoyed an outdoor life, going from neighbour to neighbour. There was no fear or hate towards the residents in our locality, just respect, regard and recognition towards our extended family next door. This was the decade before the 'rot set in,' and all of us lived happily side by side. This is the part of Britain I miss every day, but wherever I live in the World, those sentimental, wistful anecdotes will always be a product of the past. I can recall these narratives in my home town or my adopted home of Perth, it just takes a friend like Lee to jog the old grey matter occasionally.

I am glad to have grown up when I did, at a less complicated, more simpler time. The people who remained in my life were the important ones. Happily, I am in contact with my old childhood friend Lee during a period of great upheaval, when I need his words more than at any other time. As I adjust to life down under, it is good to know my past still plays a part in my future direction; without retrospection and foresight, I would surely make the same mistakes again!

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Spring has sprung – Time to get out and about and forget about the World for a bit!

21/3/2022

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Rowlands Castle and Stansted House

Spring has sprung, the sun is shining and for the first time in many weeks, I am feeling great. The World is indeed in a mess and my anxiety is the worst it's ever been, but I have decided to start living again. For too long, I have been shut inside, watching distressing news bulletins about the war in Ukraine and scaring myself half to death. It really is time to get up, get out and enjoy what life has to offer.

Darrell and I have more or less decided not to go on holiday abroad once again this year. COVID is still rife and with the Ukrainian war getting more terrible by the day, we both feel it is safer to stay in Britain. The south coast does have a lot to explore in terms of natural beauty and things to do, so compared to most, we are relatively lucky. This week, we have started to live a little better.

On Saturday, we both took the day off to go on a bit of a ramble with friends around Rowlands Castle and Stansted House. The day was wonderfully sunny, probably the best day we have had, since summer drew to a close last year. With three dogs, we walked a rather hefty ten miles to the seventeenth century style house, through wooden grounds, still drying out from the depths of winter. As you would expect, we were all rather muddy by the end of the day.

The countryside around the house is stunning, and it felt good to take in some fresh air and enjoy a relaxing walk in the warm spring sun. Chatting with friends, a chocolate brownie or two to keep us going and at the end of our walk, a rather large slice of cake and a coffee in the grounds of the hall. I felt energised and happy to have enjoyed a change of scenery, a pleasant change from the concrete jungle I usually inhabit. Both Darrell and I need more days like this, especially now with summer knocking on the door.

Today, Darrell and I went to see my Father; I had a dentists' appointment at the BUPA clinic in Fareham, so took the opportunity to see Dad at the same time. Tooth pulled out, we went for a bite to eat (yet another slice of cake) and caught up on all the local gossip. This cake eating is getting a little habitual now and while I'm still keeping my weight firmly in check, it's not something I want to do too much; It was bloody gorgeous though, the best carrot cake I've ever tasted.

We also spent time at Titchfield Abbey, an old family friend as it were. As children, we would often walk to the old castle, a short stroll from our house. Dad and I have many happy family memories there, long summer days, picnics in the park and playing football. Yes, there was a time I kicked a ball about, though don't expect it to happen these days.

The last time we visited the old place was ten years ago, when Darrell's family stayed with us from Croatia. It has changed a lot, since I was a child, seeming much smaller than I remember, but it still holds some amazing memories for me, as does the village of Titchfield itself. I suppose the older I get, the more I appreciate the area where I grew up, and the truth is, I do miss it somewhat. In many respects, it is comforting Dad still lives locally, because it does give me the excuse to visit once in a while.

I hope to spend more time travelling through the UK this summer and enjoy all this country has to offer. With Darrell finally home, it seems like the perfect opportunity to explore the British Isles. Whilst I won't be gallivanting to distant shores, I will be revisiting old roots and hopefully seeing even more hidden treasures. I may moan about Britain more than I should, but the reality is, I can't think of anywhere better I'd like to live, certainly not in this World, full of turmoil and pain.

Titchfield Abbey

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The Early Years On The Block - That 1970s Community Spirit!

1/8/2021

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So much is spoken about the lack of community spirit in 2021 and as someone born in the 1970s, I can't disagree. My experiences, growing up in the small market town of Fareham, are very different to that of children in the 2020s. For the most part, I had an idyllic childhood, despite wrestling with my sexuality. My earliest memories are overflowing with recollections of fun filled days, surrounded by friends and family, in an environment I can only dream of today.

I grew up at number 6 Nashe House, in a small suburb of Fareham, called Hill Park. My family all lived within spitting distance, just five or ten minutes away, and we were the first tenants of a new modest two-bedroom flat, one of sixteen, on a small social housing estate on the outskirts of town. Whenever I look back to my childhood, this was the period that resonates with me most. This was a happy, nurturing and cultivating time, the age before life suddenly got hard and the anxiety and stress I still suffer with set in. If the last fifty years of my life was to have a backbone, my early upbringing in Hill Park would be it. This was the best start any young boy could have in life!

As a child I knew all my neighbours, always in and out of each other's houses.  Dancing around Mia's lounge, at five years old, to the sound of classical music, in the flat above; play fighting with Lee in the front garden next door or hiding in the bushes of Mrs Pinks flat on the corner of the block. These were carefree, robust, strength building years, encompassing friends I still speak to today. I never had much as a child; hand me down clothes from extended family and presents bought from a catalogue at Christmas and paid off throughout the year. Occasionally I would get fifty pence pocket money at the end of the week and sweets from Nan on a Saturday afternoon. I did however have a wholesome, healthy, well conditioned upbringing in the safety of a community that always did their best to help!

Looking from my bedroom window, over the communal washing area and resident outbuildings, you could see the local infants school, where I started in the mid 70s. The distant murmur of children skylarking in the extensive green playing fields at lunchtime, especially during that hot summer of 1976, was a familiar sound; almost comforting in nature. Knowing that school was just around the corner, put parents minds at rest, allowing us to walk home for lunch, or freshly made sandwiches to be passed over the fence at midday. Mothers often gossiped together as they walked their brood to school, passing the time of day. Sat in their front gardens with a cup of tea in hand, while hanging out the washing or mowing the lawn, conversing with neighbours was part of the course. Fathers playing a game of football where 'No Ball Games' were allowed; familiar cries of 'dinner's ready, come inside' and all the time, doors unlocked, open to all. Inviting and welcoming, it was all part of the small neighbourhood  in which we lived, an unforgettable period of growth and curiosity.

Walking home with friends and neighbours, or waiting for Mum as she did her hours cleaning at the school, was a reminder of how lucky I was. I wasn't a 'latch key kid,' or left to fend for myself; importantly, Mother was always there. When she was at home, I could see her in the kitchen as I skipped up the meandering path towards number six, waving vigorously, beaming smile on her face. Steam would drift out of the opening at the top of the window, as Mum drained the vegetables for dinner. Once again, always ajar, I would gently push the door, running inside. Dropping my coat and bag in the hallway, darting immediately left, home cooked meals would always be on the table; piping hot, aromatic, hearty and nutritious, they always smelt great and tasted even better.

After dinner, I was allowed to play outside, just for an hour or two. Most of the children who lived in the block were of the same age and attended school together, so playing in the early evening was just part of our day. From the front garden, I would ride my bicycle up and down the pavement outside the flat, around the washing lines and down to the boundary of the school. Feeling venturous, I would often navigate the short distance to the open fields or along the side of the flats, picking blackberries from the bushes. When the street lights began to dim, you could hear Mothers and Fathers calling from the steps of their front door, all of us duly running home.

My childhood, at Nashe House, was not unlike any other of the 70s. Life was far more relaxed back then, there was less traffic on the roads and the streets felt safer. Neighbours were friendlier and happy to communicate. We were well looked after by parents, but also by the community in which we lived. I often reminisce about my early years spent in Fareham, a place I no longer know. As I get older I reflect on the most contented and optimistic days, spent with those closest at a time of innocence and simplicity. I am indeed a product of the 70s, but I am also a small town boy from Fareham, my childhood home, born at a time of upheaval, hope for the future, with my whole life ahead. Things never turned out the way I would have wished, but I have never forgotten my roots and will always be thankful for the auspicious start I had in life!

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Music Then and Now!

7/3/2019

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After getting home from work yesterday evening, I spent half an hour downloading some music to my laptop. The process was simple and straight forward, something many of us do regularly, adding to our digital portfolio, built up over the internet, without leaving the comfort of our own home. Attaching music to our collection has never bean easier; from youtube, spotify and amazon, the number of apps and internet sites selling music has exploded in recent times. Buying our favourite tune is simpler than buying a pint of milk, yet I yearn for a past that no longer exists, a time when buying a 'record' or 'CD' was a part of growing up, a right of passage and the beginning of adulthood!

I bought my first record in the early 1980s, Karma Chameleon; I think it was about 1983 and it was as memorable then as it is now. On a Saturday afternoon, I took the bus from Thorni Avenue, where I lived in Fareham to the centre of town; it was also the first time I had been allowed out on my own at the tender age of twelve years old. I can remember the day well, so well in fact, I actually took a photograph of the bus stop. I was a budding photographer then, as I am now, documenting every aspect of my life. For me being able to get on a bus on my own was important, it finally allowed me the freedom to do what I wanted, without Mum and Dad being around. On that weekend, I was able to explore the town centre, meet friends for a drink and act in a way I had never acted before. I felt like an adult, proudly walking through Fareham precinct, head held high, looking through shop windows trying to find something to buy with my weekly pocket money!

After that weekend, there was no stopping me. Each Saturday I would make the same journey and navigate my way to 'Our Price' to look at the latest singles. Growing up in the seventies and eighties was a special time, unlike today the music charts and the top forty were an important part of teenage life and like most people, I would listen to the radio on a Sunday waiting for the latest chart positions to be announced. Along with millions of others, I would place my C90 cassette in my Bush portable recorder and tape the latest entries, playing the 'chart show' again and again throughout the week.

Together with 'Top Of The Pops' on the television, the latest hit singles were a national institution, everyone took an interest in the biggest hits of the day and it was a part of my life I look back on with fondness. Music does define an era, the way people dressed, acted and the subject matter, important at critical milestones in all of our lives. It is with regret that I now see music shops closing down on high streets across the country, because these were the places that made my generation who they are today.

Like most people I had a large collection of records and later CD's and like my peers, I no longer have these tangible objects, displayed neatly on shelves in my lounge at home. I ripped all of my CD's and recorded all of my cassette tapes to a digital format long ago and the only evidence I have of these items are lists of data on my laptop hard drive, a far cry from my huge collection amassed over many years in the 1980s. 90s and 2000s. In thirty years, the market for music has changed out of all proportion and the luxury of walking down the High Street and buying a piece of history is long gone, along with the childhood I once knew.

The changes that have occurred in all areas of society over the 36 years since I bought my first LP have been dramatic. No longer do we have record players, large HiFi systems and cassette tape players, today we have a small MP3 player, an app on a mobile phone or a file on a PC or tablet. Most people, including me don't even download songs but prefer to stream music from providers online. The way we do things today are very different to yesterday and I have my head firmly stuck in the past. I enjoyed the way things were and probably because of my age hark back to a time that I regard as better, more fulfilling and innocent. We have progressed in the World technologically, bombarded with perfect images and encouraged to buy the latest fashions or subscribe to the latest youtube sensation, that mirrors all those before, we have become part of a generic, banal World, where everything, including music and musicians just look and sound the same. I miss the old days and will do everything I can to keep them alive, as part of this blog. Next time you download a song, maybe think about popping into your local music shop buying a CD and doing what you can to keep the last vestiges of this industry alive. Without your support it wont be long before the final music shop closes and another block of flats is built in its place...Is that what you really want?

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A Very Clear Choice - Guest Blogger, Penelope Wren!

9/3/2018

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Upbringing!

In reading Luke’s blog, memories were stirred.  One of the things that came back was the culture in which I was raised.  Having lived in America now for nineteen years and becoming partially assimilated into the Borg, it was nice to be able to identify with those values in which I had been raised.

A few months ago, I finally started going to see a therapist to try and put my life back together again after the events of last year at work.  It was my therapist that identified to me that I was being bullied at work.  It is kind of interesting how this bullying follows me around.  I, of course, had labeled it differently.  There were two major parts to the events that happened.  The first part I had thought it was poor management decisions.  I thought the decisions were very unfair and poorly thought out.  The second set of incidents that were happening I thought were abusive.  I thought it was a scheme to get me to leave.  Or could it be that people were so blind to the actions of this person.  I felt controlled, put down, micro-managed, insulted, set up so that whatever I did was wrong.  My husband had never seen me go to pieces like this.  We had been married for eleven years and he had never witnessed me behave like this before.  I was frustrated.  How after all the work I had done to get my life together, could this happen yet again?

My mother was frustrated when she came to visit and saw what a state I was in.  ‘Why haven’t you gone to HR?’ She said.  Why hadn’t I gone to HR?  Well it was simply because HR does not represent the employees in America.  HR is there to protect the employer.  That is common knowledge in Corporate America.  The second reason was, here we are again, how do you prove emotional abuse?  At the end of the day, it would all come back on me - that there was something wrong with me.

My husband got extremely exasperated with me as I vented to him frequently about new incidents.  He wanted to protect me and was angry that I was getting hurt.  He was also frustrated with my responses to the situation.  Besides not sticking up for myself, he was irked by my continually expecting a particular response from the said persons.  ‘Haven’t you realized that they are not going to change?  They are not going to respond in the manner you want no matter how hard you try.’

So exhausted, I went to the therapist to try to figure out how to move forwards.  This is my journey.

Reading Luke’s blog and reliving my own culture, I just wonder if the way we were brought up led us to have these very high expectations of people.  I have always thought people would be kind, truthful, help the underdog, be fair, execute justice, keep their word, acknowledge hard work and effort, be true, have integrity and so forth.  Did the world change?  Or were we just set up for failure?

#Luke#

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A Very Clear Choice!

I began attending Fareham Park School half way through my first year as a junior in January 1969.  Those months were a blur; the only thing of significance that shone through was reading about the Griffins.  I loved these books and they grabbed my attention.  I believe I started a game on the playground, as I got bored at playtime.  One had to travel only on the painted netball lines and could only change directions at a junction.  When I played this with friends, one would have to try and catch the other person.


I was in Mrs Harts’ class for the second year of junior school and have only two memories .... the blue National Health Glasses I had to wear to correct my stigmatism and the boy who sat next to me, who always seemed to step into dogs muck and then scrap it on the bar under the desk.  It smelt foul and was very unpleasant, not just for me but for the rest of the class.  I remember Mrs Hart getting very upset about the smell; we were told to own up to who had stepped in the dogs muck again; no-one put their hand up.  So then there was the search at the end of the day; Mrs Hart went around table by table, searching and letting each table go; we were always last.  The boy would get yelled at; maybe she wanted him to own up at the beginning. For sure after repeated performances of this, she would know who had done it?  I would sweat it out, hoping that she wouldn’t think that I had done it (although I think I did do it once by accident).  Funny how I would think I would be in trouble for something I hadn’t done.  Maybe I got into trouble at home a lot, for things that I was supposed to have done?  I do remember the boy’s name but I wouldn’t like to hurt his feelings.

Life in Mr. Hebron’s class in the third year of junior school was going along well, bar the milk that we had to drink before going out to play.  Oh that milk was so foul.  It may have been cold when it arrived, but by the time we had to drink it, it was warm and oh it made me gag!  I think it was the result of a National Programme to ensure good nutrition for all children.  I was fortunate in that my parents were able to provide good food for my sister and I and that was one of their priorities. Other children were less fortunate; their parents had other values; the paycheck was spent down the pub, before the bills were paid and the family was provided for.  The idea to help provide some of children’s nutritional needs in school with the Milk Programme and free school dinners, is admirable.  I advocate the community helping each other and not deserting the people in times of need.

Playtime was fun, with the other girls in my class. We played two ball on the walls of the school; continued to play the ‘line’ game on the painted netball courts on the playground; and learned how to clap our hands in different ways with each other, at the same time as singing small songs, such as:

     “A sailor went to sea, sea, sea,
     To see what he could see, see, see.
     But all that he could see, see, see,
     Was the bottom of the deep blue sea, sea, sea.”

This one ditty was pretty apt, as we lived in community where a lot of the men were in the Navy.  We were used to our dads going off to sea or being deployed in Scotland or Plymouth for periods of time.

Then half way through the year, things changed.  They changed because I made a choice.  A choice that I would not change if I had the opportunity over again.  A new girl came to school - half way through the year - just like I had in my first year at junior school.  She and her family had moved into the area.  Others seemed uncomfortable around her.  She wore glasses and was socially awkward at the time.  She sat at our table;  I think I was conscious of how other people felt around her, but I did not feel that way.  Something inside of me knew that something was going to change, if I continued to be friendly to her and become her friend; I felt like it was the right thing to do.

One day we suffered at our table trying to down that warm, off-tasting milk, chatting, and then went out to the playground together.  As we walked out, the girls that I had always played with, hindered our path and confirmed my gut feeling, that things were not going to be the same ever again.  You know, I have never regretted that decision to make friends with the ‘unpopular’ girl.  She was an excellent friend whilst we lived in Fareham and then went our separate ways after college.  My only regret is having lost contact with her when I moved out to the States.  I moved, then moved again and she was moving at the same time and we lost each other’s address.  I wish she had written to me at my mum’s address; she still lives in the same home we moved into in 1969.  Her parents had moved away from their home and I didn’t know where they had gone.

My friend and I hung out together even when we weren’t in the same class.  I went around to her house often.  We would type on our typewriters writing story after story together and then reading them to each other.  I was fascinated by the organ in her house.  She lived near Blackbrook Park which was a decent walk from my home.  It was safe enough in those days, that I could walk to her house by myself, at such a young age.    There is no way I would ever have let my children do that same walk on their own, at the age I was doing it.  My friend had two older sisters that were twins; they were about twenty years older than my friend.  Both her sisters and her mum were very eccentric and flamboyant; her dad was a quiet man.  It was quite intriguing for me to watch them interact and a little intimidating, as I was not used to the behaviours  and didn’t really know how to respond to them.

One of the things that I remember doing at school with my friend, was sitting on the field in the summer, near Fareham Park Infant School and eating our packed lunch.  She always had two or three packets of crisps with her and was always generous enough to share with me.  My mum only bought plain crisps then; sometimes cheese and onion or salt and vinegar but mostly plain.  I recently realized that my mum actually likes plain, lightly salted crisps the best, that’s what she buys as a treat for herself when she comes out to stay with us.  Now that I have twigged they are her favourite, I’ll get them in for her.  My school friend introduced me to smokey bacon, prawn cocktail and Bovril crisps.  It was very exciting for me to try these.  Crisps are one of the things that I miss very much in the States.  The chips out here don’t have the same texture or flavour.

I remember sitting on the grass in the playing field, eating Bovril crisps with her, the day after my mum had the 'birds and the bees' chat with me, the night before.  I was ten years old; I remember feeling quite bewildered and unfocused that day, staring at others playing on the field but not really seeing them; thinking what my mother had told me was quite bizarre and could it possibly be true?  I think my mum had to have the ‘chat’ with me because that year, we had  several movies at school ranging in subjects from accident prevention, germs, and having babies.  Actually the films were really good and I wish my children had seen them.  I still am conscious of not leaving things on the stairs in case someone falls over them going up or down  and all the germs that one can leave on a dish cloth!

My final year at Fareham Park Junior school saw me in Miss Trill’s class as a fourth year.  Miss Trill, who was affectionately called ‘Bird Seed’ or ‘Budgie Seed’ was an older lady about forty (well that’s what she seemed to be to me).  She had very dark hair and I was a little afraid of her.  I learned a few years later that she had married, which was a great surprise to me.  I must have had some presumptions about who is marriageable, for it to have been such a surprise.  I’m quite embarrassed to have had those thoughts all these years later; why shouldn’t she have the chance to be happy?  In that class, I remember a humanities system that we used. I can’t remember the name of it, but it was color coded.  As you got through the levels in each color, you moved onto another color, with a greater degree of difficulty.  You had to read the text on the card and then answer questions on it.  It was nice to get onto the levels that were a little more challenging, but I also remember getting stuck and not having a resource to go to.  Miss Trill was a little bit fierce.  I remember once that we were being taught how to address envelopes.  She taught us that it had to be the following format:

      Mr. and Mrs. intials surname
      number and name of street/
     Town
     County
    Postcode

We were tasked to address the envelope to our parents.  I checked my work two or three times before I stood in the queue to show Miss Trill.  I was pretty shocked and humiliated for her to tell me that it was wrong.  Mystified I returned to my desk.  I read it and reread it; I couldn’t see where it was wrong.  I knew I had to go and show her again and this time try and ask her how it was wrong.  Shaking, I stood in line;  she was very quick to tell me that it was still wrong.  I disliked the sharpness in her voice, but I had to ask;  I knew that she would be annoyed.  I plucked up the courage and asked her what was wrong with it.  Sharply she looked at me and said ‘You have put ‘Mr’ twice;’ I was stunned; why hadn’t I seen that I had done that?  I walked back to my desk very cross with myself, very embarrassed and humiliated.  Let’s just say that Miss Trill’s voice was loud and sharp.  How could I have missed that?  Once back at my desk, I looked at the envelope again;  I got ready to correct it, But I looked at it and looked at it; I could not see that I had written ‘Mr.’ twice.  Then the light bulb went on!  My dad’s initials are M.R.  That’s why it looked like I had written ‘Mr’ twice.  So now I have to line up again and let this scary teacher know that it is correct!  I know I was shaking in my shoes .....

The fourth year also brought more recognition of being part of a team.  In Fareham Park Junior School, every class in each year were divided into teams, which were named after the patron saints of Britain:  St. Andrew, the patron saint of Scotland - colour blue; St. David, the patron saint of Wales - colour yellow; St. George, the patron saint of England - colour red; and St. Patrick, the patron saint of Ireland - colour green.  Each of these patron saints have a day during the year when they are remembered.  If you were in the Brownies or the Cubs, you could wear your uniform to school on those days.  I was always in St. David’s house during my years of school.  Some students were put in different houses during their sojourn there, but I was always in St. Davids and St. David is who I supported.  We worked in teams getting house points for work that we had done.  During my years, St. Davids and St. George were always the top two houses for points and were always in competition with each other each week.  Even in sports we were in our teams.  I kind of let my team down in PE as my arms and legs didn’t seem to coordinate, unless I was in the swimming pool.  We played a lot of rounders.  I remember sports day.  I also played netball.

The other wonderful thing that I liked to do in junior school was country dancing.  We used to do it in class and then we had some extra time to do it at lunchtime; after everyone had their school dinner. Now school dinners, that’s another thing.  I got chosen to help serve the school dinners; I loved it when I was putting the jam or sugar on someone’s rice pudding, but felt awful when I had to serve out the mince.  The mince at school was terrible. I don’t know how they could cook it so badly; it made me retch; it was even worse than the warm milk!  I helped serve schools dinners during my fourth year; during that time, the school kitchens were renovated and they had to bring in an outside caterer.  Their food was totally amazing and I often would go up for seconds.  Because I served school dinners, I also got to have one free.  This meant a change from the sandwiches that I used to bring in - or worse yet, the cold toast and jam.  I don’t know why my mum would think that cold toast with jam on it would be tasty.  I have always liked hot toast and still do.  Love my food hot not tepid! Or in the case of toast, cold .....

Anyway, back to country dancing; I loved to do the Victoria Reel and the other dances.  Because I was tall for my age and there were a lack of boys, I often had to be the boy in these dances, but I loved to dance them; there was something satisfying about dancing with a group of people, in a systematic way.

The final thing I thought I would mention about junior school was that we took the eleven plus.  For those of you not familiar with this, there was an intelligence test that was given in the fourth year of junior school.  From the results of this test, students were then filtered into three types of schools. If you did well in the test, you went to a grammar school when you left junior school.  If you didn’t do well, depending on other aspects of the score, you either went to technical or secondary school for the next five years.  I did read somewhere, that there was another test given earlier in junior school, so this combined score contributed to the decision of where, your post junior education would be.  The tripartite education system had been existence since the mid 1940’s.  I do remember sitting in the school hall taking this examination.  

Now I could get on my hobby horse about this, but I will leave that for another time.  Suffice it to say, that I would have gone to the grammar school if they hadn’t built the new Fareham Park Comprehensive.  I’m actually glad that I attended this school and this type of education, as it suited my learning style and my personality better.  We were the first year through this school, being built around us as we went.  This was really good for science, as teachers could dissect the rats they caught on the building site (so glad they didn’t ask us to do that)!  We were quite fascinated with the pregnant rat.  We also got to see a pair of cow’s lungs; and thank goodness for clarinet lessons - as I missed them cracking open the fertilized eggs and seeing the headless chick running around.  I felt so sad for the chicks that died and the cut up rats.

We had sky blue PE skirts, tracksuits, white collar tops for PE and black leotards for gymnastics and dance.  We used one of the larger classrooms for PE; by the third year we had the gym, the running track and the dance/drama studio.

Have to say that my time at Fareham Park Comprehensive School was pretty boring!  Most of the time, I read the book that I had brought in, as teachers struggled to make my class quiet enough to teach.  I was in class K through out my five years there; my friend was in P. 

The first couple of years there were fine, but by the third year, I was getting bullied.  Girls from my class would wait for me and try and push me down the stairs and hit me with wooden spoons in cooking.  My mum came up to the school and had a word with my tutor.  She told them that I would only take it for so long and then probably lose my temper and someone would get hurt; she didn’t want me to get into trouble for that.  I’m thankful for my mum’s confidence in me, but I wouldn’t have actually lost my temper; I wouldn’t have really known what to do in those kind of situations.  I knew that  I didn’t want to go to school and that I was frightened and had no control over the situation.  I was so glad to move on from that school and go to college; academically it was more satisfying and I felt safer.  Ironically, the girls that bullied me were the first ones to come to me for help when we were doing our ‘O’ levels and CSE’s.  

Sadly, the bullying has appeared in its multiple forms again and again in my life.  Even this last year, it has reared its ugly head in the workplace.  I know that wherever I go, it will happen again, so this time I am not going to run away from it and am endeavouring to change my behaviour in response; again, another clear choice.  Hopefully, it will have excellent benefits as did my choice to be friends with the girl in my third year at junior school.

#Fareham Park Junior School#


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Fareham Park School - Appeal For Help!

23/2/2018

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I am currently writing a book about my school days, living in Fareham. In 1976 I started at Fareham Park Infants School in Tewkesbury Avenue, Hill Park. I was a pupil for two years assigned to Mrs Brooks class.  I then moved up to Fareham Park Junior School, just a hop skip and a jump away from my first institution.

Sadly my two old schools are no longer there, well not in the same guise, so getting information on the period 1976 - 1982 is proving a bit of a challenge. I have been in contact with the new academies, who have promised to do help dig out old records and photographs from the time.

As part of this book, I would like to ask pupils and teachers who were in attendance at Fareham Park Infants and Juniors during the six years I was there, for their help. I am looking for anyone who has old photographs and doesn't mind donating them, for the inclusion in this new publication. Of course I don't mean physically handing the photo's over, but scanning them into a PC and sending me a digital copy. Also I would like to ask ex pupils and friends, if they have any stories and recollections they would like to share. I want to include personal memories from you, the readers, throughout the book and will of course be delighted to include a reference to you, or not, depending on your wishes.

As a writer I think it is important to document every aspect of my attainment; I write about many different subjects but find real life the most rewarding. With your help I feel sure this book will get the recognition it deserves.

If you want to take part in this 'school project,' please send your digital copies and comments to:

[email protected]

You can also fill in your details, leaving a comment in the box below and I will endeavour to get back to you as soon as possible.

Thanks to everyone for taking the time to read this blog entry today, I know how busy you all are. In my blog 'Spanish Views,' there is a section entitled 'Short Stories From My Youth.' I am currently showcasing various aspects of my life, growing in in the 1970s and 80s; my own personal account of the time. Please take a look; it may give you some ideas for your own anecdotes, jog your memory or just take you back to an altogether innocent time. Whatever you do, please keep reading 'Spanish Views,' you make the blog the success it is today!
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