It has been a particularly difficult time for me recently, with regard to my IBS. The pain I experience tends to come and go in intensity, but I am always aware it is there. It isn't soreness in the traditional sense, but rather a discomfort that does make my life harder. Of course, the symptoms do wax and wane with my general well-being, but they are a constant in my life, that just won't go away. If I am feeling anxious, the symptoms are magnified, and I can be doubled up in pain, unable to complete daily tasks as I would like. At the moment, I seem to have more negative indicators than usual, and I am being left debilitated and exhausted.

The strict calorie control diet I have been following, seems to have made my IBS worse than ever, and I can only put that down to eating more fruit and vegetables, which doesn't always agree with my constitution. Anything that ferments in the stomach causes side effects, and it appears this is what is happening. I have lost an awful lot of kilos on this weight loss programme, but I have had to make sacrifices in the process. The hope is, I can get back to eating a more IBS friendly diet soon, which should help the soreness settle down; until then I will just have to battle on, until I have reached my goal, which is only a few kilograms away.

This week I had my third COVID vaccine booster, something I was glad to do and in many respects looking forward to. Unlike anti-vaxxers, I want to get back to normal and live my life, rather than continually hiding away from this deadly virus. Whether we take the vaccine, is a personal choice, but, why oh why wouldn't you?

My appointment on Thursday was at Laly's Chemist, near Guildhall Walk in Portsmouth, and it was organised perfectly. I went straight into a room, where I was given the Moderna vaccine in my left arm. This was a bit of a surprise as I thought all booster doses would be Pfizer, but according to the nurse, Moderna had also just been approved by the government. The two different types were being used that day, and it was just pot luck that I had been given the one I had. Moderna is similar to Pfizer in regard to the low temperatures it has to be stored, and I was asked to wait for fifteen minutes before leaving the pharmacy, after the jab.

Many of those who had their third dose of the vaccine, have suffered far more adverse effects compared with the previous two, so I was expecting the worst. I did suffer a little more, but nothing like those friends I had spoken to. There weren't any specific symptoms, but I just felt low, down and under the weather for a few hours; after a good night's sleep, I was back to my old self once again.

I am grateful for receiving my COVID booster, especially as we enter the cold winter months. My hope is, it will afford me adequate protection for the next six months at least. I have a feeling we will all have to get a vaccination every six months in order to beat this virus, in the short term at least. I fail to understand why anyone wouldn't want to get one, but unlike Austria, who has just made vaccines mandatory, I don't think we should be forcing anyone to have a jab if they don't want it. It is a choice what we put into our bodies, and it is up to us if we want to take a measured risk at this time. My fear is many will discover the benefits of the vaccine too late, when they have lost loved ones or fall ill themselves. It is up to us to reject conspiracy theories and accept the scientific advice.

This week, Darrell has started work, after being in the country for a little over two months. We have had a lot of problems getting him to where he is today, because of the 'biometric card' requirement. In order for him to work, he has to prove his immigration status, which he only has in paper form, issued in 2001. Everywhere he applied to work, rejected his application, because he couldn't provide the correct information. Luckily, my employer went out of their way to contact the Home Office and get an alternative letter, allowing him to prove his right to work and thus start his new job at the same supermarket where I work.

My employer went that extra mile to help Darrell work again, and I can't say enough, how grateful I am. This says much about them as employers and shows their commitment to staff and their families. The agonizing wait, passed from pillar to post between employer and Home Office, was stressful and anxiety inducing at times, but with determination we have finally managed to get him to a stage where he can actually work again.

This is another weight off my mind, and maybe it will help ease my ongoing IBS symptoms. One less worry makes for one less day dealing with this debilitating syndrome. My stress levels do seem to have dominated my life for the last six months or so, and it's time I looked for a new approach to dealing with it. I am working on a long term future plan, that will finally allow me the freedom to live life in a more harmonious way, all I need now is the opportunity to put it into practice.

And finally…

Darrell celebrated his 49th Birthday yesterday, and it was nice to have him here, the first time in many years. Unlike Birthdays of the past, we just had our friend Ramona over and a Chinese takeaway. Neither of us are in the mood for big celebrations and boozy nights out; so with a mug of Bovril and some chocolate cake, we saw in the last year of his forties and looked forward to a better year ahead. Let's hope the World returns to normal and all of us can live again!

It's been a week of mixed feelings if I am honest; there has been more downs than ups sadly, but I have had a week off and been making the most of my time.  This is really my last segment of annual leave before next year, so I decided to do very little. I haven't done anything taxing or challenging, but just relaxed, taken time out and  made the most of my time with Darrell.

The beginning of the week started well enough, then on Thursday Darrell, my Aunt and I went to see Dad at home in Titchfield. Once again, this was the first visit in a while, due to the ongoing pandemic. My Father, although fit and well, is still of an age, where he should take more care, especially around other people. The potential for COVID infection is high and for this reason alone, I do limit the visits I make to see him, not wanting to subject him to potential harm. Nevertheless, it was great to see him and give him his Birthday card and present, celebrating his 73rd in a few days.

We had a lovely meal out at Titchfield Mill, just round the corner from his house, and chatted over good food and a few drinks.

Going home to the place of my birth is always a challenge, I am not the greatest fan of village life. Since leaving home, I have spent most of the time living in cities or by the coast in different areas of the World. Titchfield, is not really my destination of choice, but Dad has lived there all his life and has never really ventured outside the village. For him, it is home, and a very comfortable one at that.

I have always felt safe and secure there, and in many respects it does hold some special memories for me. I had a very happy childhood, but my teenage years were rather different and for that reason, this small village on the south coast of England, isn't my favourite place to visit.

There are of course still many memories of Mum around the house, which is comforting, but it does also evoke happier times when Mum was alive, and that can hurt. Dad does, however, seem to have come to terms with her untimely death and has managed to rebuild his life in a positive and fulfilling way. He is doing more today than he has done in many years, even managing to go on holiday to Yorkshire this year. I am proud of just what he has achieved in the face of adversity, as I know we all are.

The day after visiting Dad, I was given some news I had been waiting for. The Doctor phoned me in the morning to tell me my 'FIT' test result had come back positive. A 'FIT' test measures the amount of blood in the gastrointestinal tract. Normally there is only a small amount, but with a positive result, it was clear there was far more than there should be, and I will now have to undergo further tests, to discover just what is going on.

I have been suffering from blood loss for a little over a month now, so this result was really no surprise, but it is deeply concerning for me. I have always put my stomach and bowel issues down to IBS, but with bleeding and a change in bowel habits, there is a risk something else is going on. At fifty years old, I am well aware I am in a dangerous age category, where I am more susceptible to conditions that I wouldn't be otherwise. I am always proactive in getting tested for any potential areas of concern and now, at least, looking after myself, unlike the last 49 years.

Even though I have now lost over two stone in weight and have gone from obese to nearly normal weight, I am mindful of the challenges ahead. We are entering a more dangerous phase of COVID-19 and as a fifty-year-old man, I need to look after myself; Thankfully I will get my booster on 25 November. I am also trying hard to stick to a healthy diet, keep my weight down and stay as fit as I can for the long winter months.

Times really are still tough, and I remain apprehensive for the future, but I am doing all I can to protect myself and others and continue to wear a mask in a public setting  and socially distance when possible. On top of this, Darrell should also be able to apply for his booster jab in a month, despite being vaccinated in Australia. With him also starting a new job this week, it is essential we both continue to remain as safe as we can; during uncertain times, it is important to follow advice and take precautions. I aim to survive the oncoming storm and do not relish the opportunity of having COVID once again; All of us need to do the right thing!
 
Have a great week, y'all!

Being preoccupied with work recently, has been an absolute God send. At times, I moan about all the extra shifts I've taken on, complaining about how tired I am and how I should relax a bit more. However, it is my choice to take on any extra hours and if I am honest, I not only enjoy it, but it also helps me deal with the pressures I am under at the moment. I am fortunate to be doing jobs  I love, working with people who I adore and always have time for. My colleagues listen to my tales of woe and also lift me up when I am feeling down; God knows there have been a lot of days like that over the last month or so.

Whether I am working in the Newcome Arms, or in the local supermarket, I am just thankful to be employed, especially during this enduring pandemic. There has been moments of fun and laughter also, even while working in busy and challenging environments. Halloween has been a fantastic opportunity to let my hair down, despite working in my various roles. Dressing up and getting involved has been a real stress reliever. For a brief period of time, I have been able to forget about my own issues and concentrate on living in the moment. I am comfortable being in other people's company, chatting and soaking up the atmosphere at such a magical time of year.

It has been difficult stepping back from Zerina and the rest of the volunteers, even for a short while. This was my time, a day for me to enjoy the company of like-minded individuals and be who I want to be.  Darrell, however, has started to work there himself, while I am unable to, and that makes me happy, keeping that link alive while I do what I have to do.

As I begin a well-earned break and a short period of annual leave, I was able to pop into the shop in Commercial Road to say hi to everyone, and it felt like coming home. You have to remember this was the first place I started to work at, back in 2018. These were the first people I interacted with, after returning from Gran Alacant and the job that helped me restart my life in the UK. Naturally I have a strong affection for Cancer Research and everyone who works there and will most certainly be back in the future.

Despite my work commitments, I have managed to spend some valuable time with family, even if it was brief. My Aunt threw a Halloween party for the grandchildren and friends, and it was a great afternoon. It is events like this that make for noteworthy memories; without the kids, cousins and friends, my life would be all the poorer. At fifty years old, I have realised the significance of my kin folk and having them around. It is true, I have never been a big family man; there are periods I just want my space and time for Darrell and me, but I am well aware of how richer my life is with them in it.

It is important to note my continued battle with weight loss at this point. I am well aware I haven't been easy to live with since the beginning of October. When I began my quest to lose a few kilograms, I was well aware of the multiple times I have tried to diet in the past, all without success. On the 4th October I weighed nearly a hundred kilograms, today I weigh 89 kg, which is nearly a loss of two stone. It has been hard sticking to a strict calorie controlled diet, especially with all the stress I have, but surprisingly I have continued to follow my programme. This certainly isn't something I could maintain indefinitely, especially with all the work I have to do, but it is an encouragement to reach my goal of a 15 kg weight loss by the end of this month.

On top of this, I have had to endure the spectre of a reoccurring health issue, that has resurfaced after a long break. I am currently taking antibiotics for Diverticulitis, and they have rather knocked me for six. After seeing three Doctors in just two days and undergoing test after test, the results of which I am still waiting for, I have been given a course of two strong antibiotics, which have turned my stomach inside out; not great when you have IBS. Today I am having a semi fasting day and trying to manage my symptoms as best I can. My stomach is a lot calmer than it was, but still doesn't feel right.

Going out last night, with my old college friend Ramona, probably didn't help my IBS, but it's been five months since we saw each other and a long-overdue visit was in order. Darrell, Ramona and I popped down to Gunwharf Quays for a meal at Bella Italia, not part of my weight loss regime, but necessary nonetheless.

Neither of us have seen many friends, over the last few years, especially with the pandemic; it was important for us to start making time for those we regard as close and begin spending quality time with each other again. Like us, Ramona has had her fair share of ups and downs, so sharing our experiences helps, when we are going through hard times. It's always great to see Ramona, someone I have known for thirty years, she understands me more than anyone I know apart from Darrell and has always been an integral part of my life. She is the one person I can count on, while the rest of the 'hangers on' disappeared, usually up their own ar*es, and I thank God she remains firmly in my life.

....And finally...

There's a new cat in the house, Ragner the Ragdoll… He is absolutely adorable and the perfect addition to my Aunts household. If I had my way, I'd have hundreds of cats, so this twelve-week-old boy is just the icing on the cake, especially for my Aunt, who he absolutely loves. As a pedigree, he has a character and personality like no other, and I know he will give all of us joy at the end of a hard day's work. Cats are the biggest destresser I know, and he is already helping with the anxiety I feel on a daily basis!

... Things can only get better!

It's been a while since I have written a personal blog entry; I have been so busy working over recent weeks, that I just haven't had the time to put pen to paper. It is hard for me, not being able to express myself when I want to, but I do have pressing priorities at the moment, which has meant having to put my life on hold for a short period. We have managed to meet up with an old mate, Elaine, who we haven't seen for six years, and that has lifted my spirits somewhat. I look forward to seeing more friends over the coming months, people who have played a pivotal role in our relationship together!

Darrell has been back in the UK for a little over a month now, although it does feel a lot longer. We have had to deal with so much in such a short space of time, that I sometimes just can't keep up. Our rapidly changing circumstances can be difficult to quantify, causing anxiety on a daily basis. Darrell chose to help his Mother during her battle with cancer, back home in Australia, and now he is being penalised for his endeavours. The reason we are where we are today, experiencing such highs and lows, is because he made an empathetic decision to be with my Mother in law at a particularly traumatic time.

Life has always been hard for us, right from day one, and the truth is, we've not made it easy for ourselves. Living in Spain, travelling the World and in recent times living apart, has caused us no end of issues. Both of us are once again in a position where we have to rebuild and restart our life, back home in the country where we met. Ideally we would have liked to rekindle our links with Spain at some point. It was a country where we both felt happy and accepted. Realistically, however, it isn't going to happen.

Events have conspired to curtail our life on the continent; Brexit and the pandemic have cut short any opportunity to settle in Europe. The hardest part is accepting our dream is finally over. Both of us always dreamt of a new life abroad and in a small way, we did achieve that ambition, but today the long-term complications of such a venture is just too much to overcome. With so many expats now leaving Spain and other European nations to return home, because of their own personal circumstances, after such a terrible two years, we just have to accept the inevitable. Both Darrell and I are not going to be relocating to Spain or anywhere else, anytime soon, if ever!

Despite working a lot of hours, supporting Darrell, my mind has most certainly been elsewhere. I continue to save for our future when I can, but I also have to be pragmatic, unable to put as much money aside as I once could. I have to look after Darrell while he waits for his immigration status to be updated and with the cost of living rising at a dramatic rate, it isn't an easy task. There is only so much money to go around, and I have to be as frugal as I can in order to get us through these next few months.

Before Darrell returned from Australia, my life was relatively comfortable, today I have to bolster him and I, without reliance on benefits of any sort. Our relationship prohibits Darrell from claiming benefits, with expectations resting firmly on my shoulders. This is a particular hard pill to swallow, especially when one considers the contribution and commitment made by Darrell, to this country, over twenty years. He has never claimed a penny in benefits, so why isn't he allowed to ask for help now? It does seem our life will be forever scrutinised and assessed by people who have no concept of the struggles we have endured and  that is a cross we will have to bear.

The waiting game continues for us, as it has done for years; more fighting and battling to remain together after more misguided choices. Even at fifty years old, I am still living as a second class citizen in my own country and both of us are still having to jump through hoops to survive. The best we can hope for, is a return to normality within the next few weeks, the worst, is a refusal from the Home Office and the implementation of plan B, which we haven't even contemplated yet. For now, we will continue to tighten our belts, stay focused and determined and hope for a swift, expeditious end to yet another challenging time, in both our lives!

My three weeks of annual leave has come to an end, and I am finally back to work. Thanks to my employers, I have been able to enjoy an extended period with my husband, Darrell, after his arrival in the UK. We have done a lot of walking, talking and discussing the future, which isn't necessarily what we expected. Neither of us thought we would be back to 2001, battling to secure our life here in Britain, but the reality is, this country has changed much over the last few years. Darrell and I have to learn to adapt to the changing circumstances and accept we will never achieve our ambition to live in Europe.

Trying to get to grips with the state of the immigration system has been a challenge. Darrell has all the same rights as I do, but because they were granted twenty years ago, he is finding it hard proving his status. There are many ways you can ascertain your rights to live and work in the UK; it very much depends on how you originally received your immigration documents.

Darrell received a vignette in his passport, stating he has Indefinite Leave to Remain in the UK; essentially giving him access to employment and benefits. Using his letter from the Home Office in 2001, he has never had a problem obtaining employment and in truth, he shouldn't now. Employers seem to be unaware of the process involved for someone like Darrell, and we are constantly being told to provide a 'share code,' which an employer can use to determine residency status. Share codes are digital passports, the descendants of the vignette Darrell has. In order for him to prove his right to work, he has to follow an entirely different procedure, which is clearly highlighted on the '.Gov' website. Sadly, this is little understood by employers, and we seem to be fighting a losing battle.

Both of us have been pulling our hair out, trying to draw attention to the resources available to prospective employers, searching for information from someone like Darrell. We both seem to be going around in circles, and it is frustrating to say the least. A simple calculation on a government website would clear up the ambiguity of our situation, yet the digital nature of proving one's right to work in 2021, especially after the pandemic, has become our Achilles heel.

Darrell has applied for jobs and spoken to employment agencies in Britain and just to highlight the difficulties we have been experiencing, each one has different criteria for determining whether he has the right to work. Some are prepared to take his Home Office letter, others not, some want a sharing code, others not; On top of this, having lived in Europe, his Spanish licence is also causing problems. Most employers want a British licence, but interestingly, many of the larger organisations are perfectly fine with a Spanish one. Our movement, all over the World, appears to have created obstacles; the British government want us to stay in one place and never to leave again. That isn't us, our life is based around travelling, it's the way we met and part of the fabric of our relationship together.

Trying to get a car and insurance is also proving problematic. Darrell hasn't driven for several years now, not since he and I lived in Spain, so getting reasonably priced insurance has become yet another stumbling block. We aren't sure if his 'no claims,' bonus can be transferred  from Linea Directa, his Spanish insurance company, to a similar business in the UK. If not, the cost of insuring even a small car will run into hundreds, possibly thousands of pounds. This is yet another hurdle we need to cross, as we rebuild our life back home.

Of course, we aren't the only people going through hard times at the moment. After Brexit, the number of expats returning has increased, and they too are having to start again, in a country that has changed dramatically since they last lived here. Compounded by the pandemic and people being unable to get home because of the virus, returning British residents have some serious concerns they need to address; we are all going through the same upheaval, and it won't end anytime soon.

It looks like Darrell and I will experience some awkwardness in how we live our life for the foreseeable future, until the Home Office give him his biometric resident card, and he can finally prove his right to work. Until then, I will be working long hours in two jobs to support us both. I'm not afraid of hard work, so life will carry on very much in the same vein, as it always has. Things may well seem daunting at present, but we are assured our predicament will get better and resolve in the near future. We are lucky to be together still, after twenty-six years, and that is our most important achievement. The world may well have changed dramatically since 2016, but it is also an opportunity for us, to start again, as we have done, so many times before. Our success or failure will depend on how well we whether the incoming storm; we are both fighters, and our determination can only help us focus on the challenges ahead.

This week I went back to school, the first time since I started a job teaching at the Princesa de Asturias school in Elche, Spain in 2017. My Cousin is particularly busy looking after her two youngest children at the moment, so I was delighted, if a little nervous, when she asked me if I would go with her daughter to parent's open day. This isn't something I have ever done before, so was naturally a little hesitant at first.

At fifteen years old, my Cousin is in her final stretch of school, and it was important I attended with her, to get feedback about her accomplishments over the last year, especially after the pandemic we have all lived through. She is a well liked young girl who gets on well with all her teachers, that was clear from the moment we walked into the school. Through the main hall we went, where colleges and career information was on display, and into the classrooms beyond.

In truth, I don't know who was more anxious, me or my Cousin. Sitting down in front of her teachers, brought back memories of my own parents evenings and the dread I used to feel, as I sat down facing my educators. These were never my favourite occasions, so I could feel my cousin's apprehension, very similar to the feelings I had over thirty-three years ago. I was certainly impressed by her teachers and the fondness they had for her. This was very different to my experience as a young lad.

As a child, I was very different to my Cousin. I wasn't as outgoing and had few friends, keeping myself very much to myself. I also came from a less tolerant era, where my sexuality wasn't acknowledged or even spoken about. The children at this progressive school in Portsmouth were certainly more grounded and worldly-wise, unlike the kids in my day.  More in tune with their own identities, they were far more self-assured and confident, but maybe, just maybe a little more supercilious, than I was used to.

Our school years are important and define us as adults later in life, so it is important we do as well as we can. Sadly sometimes we expect too much of children at such a young age. Deciding the direction our lives should follow, based on five years of secondary school education, is too much to expect. Speaking from my own perspective, I didn't have a clue what I wanted to do when I left school. I took the wrong courses at college and university and genuinely had no idea what I was doing  then and probably still don't today.

On reflection, I wish my teachers had been as dedicated and approachable as those at my Cousin's school. Had they listened more to my needs and encouraged me in the same way, I may well have done much better than I did. Despite my high praise for the teachers I met on Thursday, I was also surprised by the difference in discipline from my school days in the 1970s and 80s. A teacher seems to be more of a friend than a mentor, and their repartee more in tune with the playground than an institute of education.

Despite my misgivings, I was more than impressed by their respect for LGBTQ+ and minority issues. The inclusiveness and diversity was a joy to see, albeit a shock to my system. I wasn't used to this enlightened way of teaching, but I was wholeheartedly won over, by a school that made sure everyone was recognised for their individuality and encouraged to be the person their want to be. It was a pleasure to take a dip into the working life of a school, even if it was only for a single evening. It brought many memories to the surface and was a pleasant experience I would love to be a part of again!

September seems to be a busy month around here. There are numerous Birthdays, our anniversary, and the last of the summer sun to enjoy, before winter sets in. It was great to see old friends and new, also, as the last of the pandemic restrictions were finally lifted, life has started to get back to normal; more social interaction and time with family and friends has once again become a feature of everyday life. With Darrell returning home this month as well, life has suddenly got even more vivacious than usual. Despite having three weeks off, I have been busy every day and never seem to find the time to just sit down and chill!

On Saturday, we celebrated my Aunty Trisha's Birthday. For the first time in God knows how long, I had a few pints. This isn't something I would usually do if I am honest, especially after past experiences. IBS has prevented me from doing many of the things I would like, including drinking, but I felt it was time to see if my rather delicate constitution could handle it and luckily enough, I have no problems to report. This was a surprise to me, but since my gallbladder removal, my life has slowly been getting back to normal and the pain I experienced in the past is no longer there.

Since my operation in April, I have sadly started to put on weight again. The digestive conditions I suffered from, have subsided, and I have started to indulge in the things I used to like, including my downfall, cheese. When I weighed myself this morning, I was a horrifying 99.4 kg, this is a huge leap from the 93.5 kilos I was before my operation; it's time to start eating healthy again.

Despite the discomfort I experienced with gallbladder disease, the pain actually prevented me from eating a lot of things that were bad for my health. High fat food was always a no no, chocolate as well, and too many carbs would also cause problems. You can deduce from this, that my diet was actually far healthier than it is now; all I have to do, is change my eating habits once again.

Watching 'This Morning' today, there was a segment on weight gain, especially round the midriff. After doing a calculation they suggested, determining your ideal waist size, by dividing your height by two, it was clear I was actually five inches bigger than I should be; I've seriously got to start losing weight!

My Aunt had a fabulous Birthday, surrounded by a few close friends and family. We all chatted the night away, talking about the old days and listening to music from a bygone era. I haven't had many opportunities to spend time with my Aunt on her Birthday over the years, so it felt good to be a part of her day. Family is precious and even during the darkest times in our life, we should cherish the memories they bring.

Making arrangements for Darrell's resettlement in the UK and seeking advice from solicitors over his immigration status, has taken priority over the last few weeks. However, we have managed to spend a little time walking and relaxing, in between the mountain of paperwork and collection of documents. Having now employed a solicitor, we look forward to a speedy end to our current predicament. A long, five-mile walk around Portsmouth to the sea front in Southsea, has not only been energising, but it has also taken our minds off pressing matters.

At the height of the pandemic, I used to walk daily, up to ten miles at a time. As restrictions eased, and I spent more time at work, I became less and less active. Walking five miles, was half what I was used to, but I found it extremely difficult. Nevertheless, the weather was perfect, which made for an enjoyable experience.

Now Darrell is back, I would like to do more exercise, but I have a feeling I will be working more than ever. Until he is able to work himself, I will have to take on extra shifts. Once employed, I will be able to take a step back somewhat and not work so hard. My hope is, we will both be able to take on a more active lifestyle. I have to keep reminding myself, that I am in the final seven days of a three-week break from work, so have piled on the pounds, more than I usually would. Once I get back into a routine, the weight should hopefully start dropping off again.

It was great to end the week with friends and colleagues from work. Darrell and I have been through so much in recent times, that a few hours with those closest was just what the Doctor ordered. Drinks, food and chatter, was a welcome break from the difficulties of the last fortnight. It was a fantastic evening, thoroughly enjoyable and made a pleasant change, from worrying about things I literally have no control of.

I am a worrier by nature, which is also why I write. Anything that helps me take my mind off things that may be bothering me, is perfect for helping me to wind down and relax. I have been told by my Doctor many times before, that the IBS symptoms I suffer with daily, is due to my constant worrying. An evening out with friends, even if I am indulging in food and drink that would normally cause havoc with my digestion, is a great healer; that can only be a good thing.

Since Darrell returned to Britain, life has begun to get back to normal, well as normal as it can at the moment. Having my husband home has done wonders for my psychological wellbeing and has allowed me to see a future, where once there was none. Dining out with friends, together, may seem small to some, but to me, it signifies continuity and that is important for both of us. After such a negative period in our life, we can finally begin the process of restarting where we left off nearly two years ago. This month signals the beginning of a new chapter and a desire to succeed; only time will tell if the 'pandemic years' will have any lasting effect. The hope is, we will forget the last few years, put the dark days behind us and begin to finally live again!

Getting back to normal after two years apart can be challenging. When Darrell returned last week, I was under no illusions, as to just how much work was ahead of us. Re-establishing ourselves as a couple, and Darrell as a British resident, isn't going to be an easy task. The two of us have restarted where we left off in November 2019 (God, that really does seem like a lifetime ago now!) It really is a cliché, but it does feel like we have never been apart; I suppose that is the nature of relationships.

After surviving the initial jet lag, Darrell has spent the last seven days sorting out the legalities behind his arrival in Britain. The terms of his Indefinite Leave to Remain visa states, he must not be outside the UK for longer than two years, something he has never done, always returning to top up his right to remain here. This was the longest period he was away from the Britain, for a total of twenty-two months. Despite this, because so much has changed in recent times, he is finding it difficult to secure employment here. The documentation needed to work include a biometric card, which he has never had, having been granted Indefinite Leave to Remain in 2001, before this technology was available.

Yesterday, Darrell spoke to a specialist immigration solicitor, after discovering he wasn't able to register for jobs in the UK. The team at the 'Immigration Advice Service' were helpful enough, but our solicitor left us a little overwhelmed by all the paperwork she asked us to get; in our case, over twenty years of documents. It seems Darrell will now have to apply for his biometric card, or British citizenship, whichever is easiest to do. This will ensure he never again has to go through the bureaucratic nightmare, we are currently experiencing. Both of us just want to get on with our life, not have to start from the beginning again, proving every day of the last twenty-six years we have been together.

To be honest I have had a stressful week, sorting through files, looking for evidence of our relationship to send to the solicitor and speaking with organisations who can help. Everything is getting on top of me, and I am feeling particularly down and fed up. Mine and Darrell's relationship, has never been easy, conventional, or typical, but sometimes, I just want a break and someone to lift me up a little, giving me some hope during the most arduous of times. No one really understands the difficulties we face, every day, we have always stood on our own two feet and never, I repeat NEVER, asked anyone for anything.

I guess you're maybe detecting a little anger in my words today; if you are, you are right. Both Darrell and I are fed up with these Home Office games, constantly having to jump through hoops in order to survive and never having the opportunity to live in peace, without someone getting on our back for something. The happiness I feel having Darrell home, is tinged with sadness as we once again try to do our best in this unforgiving World.

This week, Darrell and I have been celebrating our 26th anniversary, the first time we have been together on this day for several years. There were no major celebrations after missing our silver anniversary last year; we spent the day with family near The Hard in Southsea and finally had a lovely relaxing evening, the first since he arrived back.

If I am perfectly honest, I never thought I would be in the position I am today. Darrell has worked legally in The United Kingdom for twenty plus years, yet today because of Brexit legislation and a biometric card requirement, he is finding it almost impossible to gain suitable employment. We discussed his predicament with our Solicitor, who explained the documentation he has, confirming his Indefinite Leave to Remain status in 2001, was enough to work in the UK. She went on to say, that employers are unaware or unwilling to accept perfectly legal paperwork, because of lack of knowledge on this rather difficult subject. That is obviously no consolation for Darrell as he tries to gain employment, but it is a terrible indictment on the lack of information available to employers.

Both of us will just have to persevere for now, as we decide on our next move. It looks likely we will apply for a biometrics card, but the frustration at having to do this is annoying and ridiculous. This is turning out to be an expensive and unnecessary undertaking at a time when companies are crying out for staff.

At least we have been distracted by the good weather and the chance to get out and about with family. Our anniversary was an opportunity to spend time with loved ones, stroll along Southsea sea front and have a few beers and a bite to eat at the Spice Island Pub. I actually haven't felt that calm and collected for a while. Despite the difficulties we are once again facing, both of us need to take time out, not only for each other, but also for those around us.

I have been relatively tense since Darrell arrived back in the UK, because I know just how difficult the next few months will be. Family time is the distraction that will give us both respite from the mountain of paperwork, that is slowly building on the bedroom floor. Once again, I feel like I am stuck in a time warp, continually sorting out documents from twenty years ago. The reality is, this is what we have always had to do, in order to prove the ongoing nature of our relationship.

This week, I also said goodbye to my boss at The Newcome Arms. Ellie was my Manager first, but she was a friend also, and I will miss her terribly. Working a couple of evenings a week in this popular backstreet pub, has done wonders for my confidence and self-esteem. The three years I have pulled pints behind the bar, has given me an insight into 'Pompey' life. Ellie was always a joy to be around, and I know all of us who worked there will always remember her face.

The last seven days have been a week to remember; I have lost my boss of three years, but have gained my husband back, at least for now. The chimes of change have been ringing for quite some time now, and I am glad Darrell and I are finally at a stage, where we can at least attempt to rebuild our life together; for how long, is anyone's guess. Ellie, moving on to pastures new, has signalled a change in all our directions, and I am looking forward to the challenges ahead. As a friend recently told me, 'You thrive on change, you can see it in your eyes' and I can't disagree!

I am relishing what happens next, but I am also apprehensive about the future. I hope for a calm ride, but always expect the worst. A positive outlook and hope for the future, should see me through the incoming storm, but until we are sure just what to expect, it's steady as she goes, thoughtful contemplation and plenty, yes plenty, of rest!

After nearly two years apart, Darrell and I are finally back together. It has taken many months of planning to get to this stage. Getting on a plane, especially from Australia, isn't the relatively easy undertaking it once was. With the country only allowing a limited number of people in, through a quota system, and even less out, flying from Australia has become a rather daunting task. Thankfully, Darrell was able to secure a place on one of the few flights leaving the country and is now back in the UK.

His flight left Perth, Western Australia on the 15th September, flying to Singapore, where he had a stop over of six hours. Like most things these days, his experience was different to normal. On arrival, he was given a green wristband and filtered through to a secure waiting area. Coming from Perth, where there is little to no COVID, he has been lucky enough to avoid the worst of the Coronavirus restrictions in place. On leaving Australia, flying to Singapore, he was fortunate to be on a plane with just twenty-five other people. Flying between Singapore and London was an altogether different experience, however, and to his horror the flight was packed.

To say Darrell is nervous of COVID-19, would be an understatement; one has to remember, he has lived in a bubble for the last two years. As an onlooker, viewing the unfolding pandemic across the World, he has been subjected to the terrible scenes played out in the UK and was understandably terrified at what he could be walking into. Sitting on a plane full of passengers, was an anxiety inducing experience, he isn't keen on repeating anytime soon.

With most airport facilities closed or restricted, flying isn't the enjoyable part of a holiday it used to be. Darrell's brief stopover in Singapore was purely to facilitate his onward journey to London. Having been double jabbed, and tested in Australia at a cost of $150.00 before he left, he was  as safe as he could be. Equally, other passengers should have been similarly protected, so one can only hope, there are no repercussions from the flight, and he will remain COVID free. In order to comply with Government rules, he will have to take a PCR test today, which will show if he has been successful in avoiding COVID on his long thirty-six-hour journey.

After a delayed flight from Singapore, Darrell arrived in the UK at 5pm on Thursday and got a coach to The Hard here in Portsmouth; he was home by 10.30pm. To be honest, it was a rather strange experience, being reunited with my husband, during the middle of a pandemic. We have of course hugged, but because of the nature of his journey, we have had to sleep separately for the first few days. If anything, it does make for interesting times.

Things have changed in Britain since both of us have lived here together. Darrell's arrival has signified the beginning of a return to normality for us; we have to immediately start rebuilding our life in Britain. 2015 was the last time we had a 'normal' family existence, just before we left for Spain and as we have discovered, much has changed.

Darrell has had some difficulty sorting out his paperwork, for his right to live and work in the UK. Since he last lived here, a new biometric card has been introduced and in order for him to gain employment, we need to apply for this new document, at a cost of £229.00. It looks likely that we will have to have his old 'Indefinite Leave to Remain' visa transferred to his new passport also. These are just more stumbling blocks to our life in the UK, something we are well-used to, after being together twenty-six years.

When Darrell was granted his 'Indefinite Leave to Remain' visa in 2001, we understood, this would be the last hurdle we would have to cross. However, things have changed in Britain dramatically, especially since Brexit. We are now faced with yet more challenges, as we navigate this new United Kingdom, which once again leaves us in a precarious position. Darrell's right to live and work here still remains, but the paperwork needed to prove this has also altered, creating comparable obstructions to those we experienced twenty years ago.

It really does feel like we are having to restart our life together once again, which on the surface is quite unsettling. We do have knowledge and understanding on our side and have been here before, both in Britain and Spain, so we just have to continue to persevere and work towards our goals in a sensible, measured way. The biggest mistake would be for us to panic and do something we regret, a knee-jerk reaction to a 'hopefully' solvable situation. For now, we will survive, as we always have, and will continue to work towards the productive and fulfilling life we both desire. The next few months will once again be hard, demanding, and testing, but as ever, our fortitude and love for one another will see us through, with a little bit of help and support from all of you; Our journey will continue, albeit in circumstances we could never have predicted.

It's a little under two weeks until Darrell comes home, and I can finally say I am starting to feel relieved. At the moment, I have many emotions to contend with, from excitement to anger and anything in between; all of them are valid right now. I am of course happy Darrell is coming home, but I am also angry that so much time has been wasted; we have both lost nearly two years together, because of an Australian government, that has refused to let families see one another during this endless pandemic.

Our situation is very different to most separated family members, during the last eighteen months. Mum is still undergoing cancer treatment and Darrell has had to be with her, on and off, since 2016. The arrangement Darrell and I made, meeting each other twice a year, before COVID, crumbled as soon as Australia closed its borders. We were left in a precarious position, because of circumstances beyond our control, and there was nothing we could do about it.

Darrell and I have always thrived under the worst of situations, and if I am honest, there have been quite a few of those. Despite the difficulties we have experienced over twenty-six years together, we have always managed to come out on top. I am a follower of fate, and I believe Darrell and I were meant to be. We are husbands first and foremost, but we are more than that — soul mates, best friends and partners who continue to navigate the obstacles thrown our way.

Living apart from each other during a particularly traumatic period in history, is not something we bargained for, but like most things in our life, it will undoubtably make our relationship stronger. Tough and punishing times, really do test us to our limits, but like most people, we have had to learn to adapt to the surrounding challenges. Living life in the best way I can, has certainly been a mantra I have followed and equally Darrell has built a temporary life for himself in Western Australia. It is true to say our respective lives have diverged, but we have always been working towards the same goals and aspirations, ultimately reunited and picking up from where we left off in November 2019.

Darrell's arrival on the 16th September will signal the start of a new chapter, but it will also be the birth of another fight for survival. Plans we have discussed for the future are all well and good on paper, but in practice they may not necessarily work. Sometimes I think how different my life could have been, if I had followed a more conventional path, but then remember how lucky I am to have done the things I have. The years I have spent with Darrell certainly haven't been boring, but when it comes to finally settling down, after everything that has transpired, especially in recent times, it is hard deciding where our heart lies.

I don't want to go over the options available to us again, as I have written much about 'what happens next,' but it is important that we way up all the alternatives. Once again, I am looking at this conundrum from a positive point of view. Most people at my age have their lives mapped out for them. Living in a house, with 2.4 children, paying a mortgage, in a career they don't always like. This isn't something I have ever wanted; if I am honest, I am quite happy to continue travelling the World. This is probably where our life will take us once again, eventually.

Travelling at the moment is impossible; it looks like we will have to wait, maybe years, before we can continue flying in the same way we did before the pandemic. It is inevitable therefore, that  we will establish ourselves in a way we haven't really done before. Darrell is less keen to travel, so I envisage a time when we stay put, until Coronavirus becomes a thing of the past; like everything, it is dependent on what trajectory the pandemic takes. Talking to my Aunt last night, I said how much I missed foreign shores, the feel of the Mediterranean sun on my face or the vibrancy of Asia on my doorstep. I am also well aware I won't be stepping foot on a plane anytime soon, as much as I would like too. Holidays abroad look like distant memories, journeys just out of reach; making the best of this 'new normal' World is the only plan we have for now.

It is important we use these two weeks before Darrell arrives to think about where we go from here. Whilst COVID continues to rage across the World, it seems sensible to continue with the status quo, hanker down and continue very much in the same vein we have. This is the first time we will have to think long term, planning for happier days ahead. There will be no more living day to day and making spontaneous decisions without accounting for our actions. This is a time for reflection, contemplation and not making any rash decisions!

Thomas's 3rd Birthday

This week, my Cousin Thomas celebrated his 3rd Birthday. It was a reminder to me of just how many occasions and special events Darrell has missed since he has been living in Australia. Due to work commitments, I could only spend part of the day with family, but by all accounts he had a wonderful day.

With family now central to my life in Britain, it has become the most important reason to stay. When circumstances allow, I will be my Cousin Eli's Godfather, which is yet another basis to remain firmly in Portsmouth. In previous blogs, I have discussed the cost of property in the South of England, which is likely to be prohibitive in the long term. Staying with my Aunt in the short term is the stop gap we need, in order to save for our future, wherever it is. If we save enough, we should be able to get a small property, but that is dependent on our situation.

I am reluctant to leave my roots now; I am very happy and settled where I am and although my Aunt is fine with me living here with Darrell, I know we both will need our own place, sooner rather than later. If we do end up buying a home up north, to rent out, we are both OK about renting a small flat in Portsmouth or Southsea. We do not intend to just throw years of savings away on paying a landlord rent, and literally have nothing to show for it. It is a mark of how old I am, that I am even considering buying a retirement flat when time allows. This isn't something either of us really want to do right now; we are not in the twilight of our years yet.

As we continue to save for an uncertain future, we are aware of the difficulties ahead. It won't be until Darrell returns home, that we will really know where life will take us. Gathering together enough cash to start the process of rebuilding after the pandemic, is a priority that overtakes anything else with desire to achieve. When we have secured our path, we will then resume our journey, travelling to places we can only dream of today.