Darrell and I have started to plan for the future, as we bid farewell to 2020. Both of us, like all of you, have had the year from hell; there has never been a better time to look forward to what comes next. I can't tell you how grateful I am, to see this year confined to the history books. This has been a time of great anxiety and stress for all of us, but especially for Darrell and I, living apart as we do, because of the circumstances that surround our life. However, this isn't a time to dwell on the past, this is most certainly a period to look forward to the future, more now, than ever before.

Both of us have a desire to reside in Europe in the long term, and that doesn't necessarily mean living in Britain. Darrell and I have remained in the UK for most of our 25 years together and when we moved to Spain in 2015, we both understood the importance of change. Our new life was supposed to be 'forever,' a choice that would allow us to finally live our dream. That desire is still there, it hasn't changed, and we still want to retain that sense of 'who we are,' - travellers, explorers and pioneers.

Looking back at my time in Gran Alacant, near Alicante, I am reminded of the mistakes we made, but encouraged by our inclination to fit into Spanish and Expat life. We eventually achieved all our goals, obtained residency and finally adjusted to our new surroundings. Just before we left, I can safely say we were happy with the path we had forged and were genuinely feeling positive, about the direction we were following. Today in 2020, I look back with fondness at the memories we made and although we had many ups and downs, for the most part, we did far better than we could have ever imagined. We began to live life again, in a way we hadn't before.

When the World returns to normal and Darrell I can be together again, I could quite happily return to Gran Alacant, that neatly packaged urbanization on the Costa Blanca. It is a place I know well, wrote about in the local magazine and has everything we need for a prosperous, relaxing future, but would that be just too easy? I am not a person who tends to return to places I have lived before; I like to journey onwards to a new, untested future; consequently, we have been looking at property further afield.

Living in Britain, I have been able to save a substantial nest egg, as has Darrell in Australia and today, we are lucky enough to be able to afford a property outright; nothing fancy, just a small villa, with enough space for us and family to visit. We would be rent and mortgage free and able to live either part or all of the year, in a country we both love. I would dearly like to remain on the South coast of Britain, working and being close to family, but also having a home abroad, more tailored to our way of thinking. In tune with our intention, to eventually relocate lock stock and barrel, to our European home, we would once again restart our life far away from these shores.

Property prices are more than reasonable in Spain, even more so in Murcia, where we have also been looking. I recently stumbled across a villa in Calle Aljibe Mazarron, a short drive from the beach, which would perfectly suit our needs. The price tag is well within our means and with only cosmetic work to do, both of us have discussed buying the Casa, site unseen. Of course this is a risk, but it is something we have done before, when we bought a house in Le Lande St Simeon, in France in 2001. It is certainly an option to consider, especially now, during a pandemic.

Darrell and I are taken with the property, and we are seriously considering the alternatives. This is of course, just one house we have seen and with an economic crash once again on the cards in Spain, it is clear there will be many more such bargains to buy. We do have to be realistic about where we can afford to live and careful not to go above our limit. I have never been great at budgeting or dealing with accounts, so I am more than happy to leave that side of our ventures, for Darrell to organise. Importantly, I am ecstatic to be feeling motivated and positive once again. Luckily I am a little more pragmatic these days and don't have high expectations or exorbitant, unobtainable aspirations; my mojo is back, and I am inspired to move forwards, even if I don't always show it!

Spain remains the destination of choice. We both have our residency cards and know the country, culture and customs well. Spain offers us the easy way to achieve our objectives, but there are of course many other options. I would be equally happy living near Darrell's family in Hrvatska, Croatia, moving closer to Australia, maybe living in Asia for a while or possibly another European nation - Italy or even Portugal being top of my list. Wherever we choose to eventually settle, at least for part of each year, you can be sure it won't be conventional. A casa in Valencia, cave house in Andalusia or camper van in Croatia, these are the possibilities to explore, the prospects for the future and scenarios for consideration. Our life will never be prevailing and mainstream and that's just how we like it; spontaneous, challenging and distinctly inconsistent!

The Government has just announced what tiers regions will go into when the national lockdown ends on December 2nd. There was no surprise to hear that Portsmouth is going into Tier 2. This is a blow for The Newcome Arms, the local pub where I work, which will have to remain closed, probably until the spring; I'm sure all of us who work there are gutted and hope things will change soon. However, Portsmouth became an example of how not to act, in the final weeks before the lockdown, as people congregated in large groups, ignoring rules and only thought of themselves. As a city we had done so well to keep the virus levels low; a combination of frustration and fatigue has quite simply pushed us into tier two, for however long that remains!

Britain has been living under some level of restriction for quite sometime now and if I am honest, moving into tier 2 will have very little impact on my life. It does nevertheless send a signal that COVID-19 has a long way to run, before we are all out of the woods.

I have never stopped taking precautions, trying to keep safe and protect myself, but there are elements who really just don't care about others. These are the ones who have caused the problems for the rest of society, and they know exactly who they are. I see them every day, not wearing masks, unable to socially distance and disrespecting those of us who have played by the rules and done what we are told. Personally I am sick and tired of their conspiracy theories, constant whinging and lack of empathy for those who are ill or worse, dying in hospitals up and down the Country, because of people like them.

Unlike the rest of Europe in particular, our Coronavirus restrictions have not been taken seriously by the local population and police and local authorities have had little or no powers to enforce the measures in place. I saw so many people blatantly ignoring the law, yet there was very little any of us could do. Most of us just had to sit back and take the challenging behaviour and that was a terrible indictment on Britain as a nation. If we had all pulled together and worked as one, we could be back to relative normality by now, but we just couldn't. Maybe it is part of the psyche of British people or just a uniquely British trait, but we do have a problem with following the rules and that is particularly concerning at times of real national emergency, like today. All of us are to blame for where we are!

Darrell observed yet another milestone in Australia, celebrating his 48th Birthday. Again we are separated by circumstances, thousands of miles between us and a World in turmoil. As usual Darrell and I had our weekly chat about family, friends and the dreaded Coronavirus. Our lives really do seem so different at the moment, so much so I forgot to wish him a Happy Birthday, something I have never done. I don't mind telling all of you how guilty I felt and have tried to phone him since.

It is a sad fact that with our lives firmly rooted in different parts of the World, the milestones that make up our life together take a back seat. This isn't through recrimination or disinterest but pure and simply because of forgetfulness. When you don't live with someone any more, you do tend to forget the important things and that upsets me a lot.

Darrell and I always celebrated our Birthdays to the maximum. Year-on-year we would throw lavish fancy dress parties, inviting those closest to enjoy our respective days, but since our life was turned upside down in 2015, we have lost that part of who we are. The outgoing extrovert that hosted parties, was the life and soul, and never forgot an anniversary, has become old, forgetful and apathetic, and I am resentful of that fact. I detest old age and who I have become and long to travel back in time to better days, once again enjoying my life, with some truly wonderful characters.

Of course, I could witter on about me, feeling sorry for myself and bitter towards the World, but that isn't what this entry is about, it is about Darrell and his 48 years. I would like to be celebrating with him, but it just isn't possible. However, I can at least remember the' jamborees of Birthdays past' and the great times we enjoyed. Every year I would put up the Christmas Tree in time for Darrell's Birthday and fill the house with light, laughter and music. Dressing colourfully, we would party to the early hours; a tradition we continued until we left for Spain. A fridge full of beer and fully stocked cocktail cabinet, a table groaning with food and irate neighbours next door. Happy occasions that seem but a distant memory today, sat alone at home in the middle of a pandemic.

Next year will hopefully be different, the pandemic will be but a distant memory, we will have all been vaccinated and everything will be back to normal, but until then life will be very different. Talking to Darrell today, I was conscious of the memories we were no longer making together, it was a wake-up call, to fight even harder for our right to exist together as a couple, something we are well-used to having to do. Nothing is easy in this World, certainly not for us, so we just have to keep on battling, until the good times roll again!

It's been a busy week, I literally haven't stopped working; despite being furloughed from The Newcome, I now find I have far more to do than usual. Working in a supermarket, I am fully aware of just how vivacious it is becoming. We are of course one of the few retail outlets allowed to open, so there is an abnormally high number of customers passing through the doors on a daily basis. That in itself presents its own unique challenges, as all of us try and protect ourselves as best we can. It is a sign of the times, when masks are issued as part of a work uniform and social distancing becomes a part of all our lives. I am a fanatical sanitizer, trying my best to keep my hands cleansed after each and every customer I serve. Mask wearing has also become pretty much standard and keeping one on for the duration of a nine-hour shift, has become easier to bear. If it wasn't for my glasses steaming up, I would be quite happy with the arrangement.

During those rare moments, I do actually get some free time, I have been watching the latest series of 'The Crown,' a drama I have been enjoying on Netflix, chronicling the Queen, her family and the Monarchy, during the course of her reign. The latest chapter documents the late 1970s early 80s, including the rise and fall of Margaret Thatcher; a period I remember well and an unforgettable crossroads in my life. Its delineation of characters, still vivid after so long, seemed to be pretty accurate, based on my own recollections of the period. I was transported back in time to a decade I remember with fondness and trepidation in equal measure.

Escaping from the pandemic has been important. You can quite easily become overwhelmed and consumed with the daily news briefings, soaring death rates and the depressive nature of illness. As someone who suffers from health anxiety it is particularly difficult to block out the seriousness of the situation we are all living through, but I am nevertheless trying to do my best. Unlike the rest of the population, I am still seeing my Doctor, attending surgery and outpatient departments and doing what I can to keep my health in check. As I sat in hospital on Monday, I thought to myself how easy it is to see a consultant these days. I am in and out of an appointment within half an hour, instead of waiting around all day for minor procedures that are now easier to book than they were before.

It is scary to think, that people are avoiding seeing their clinician. Many are too worried to enter a hospital, avoid leaving home or do not want to burden the health service, but it is important all of us do, especially men, who traditionally find it difficult to see a GP in the first place. During this second wave, it has been straightforward gaining access to services and consultations and my levels of anxiety are far lower than they were during the first. I have several more sessions booked and am finally looking forward to getting to the bottom of the numerous ailments and conditions that dominate my life.

I am doing my utmost to carry on as normal, after all I work in a large store and certainly can't hide from the World and pandemic swirling around me. Coming to terms with my own fears was a natural first step in accepting my lot in life at the moment. I do have so much apprehension, unease and concerns about COVID, but I can't let it consume my every waking hour; as long as I keep working hard, do what I can to meditate and relax, keep healthy, and stay ahead of the curve, I hope to survive in relatively good health until vaccination day, probably in the spring of 2021. With the number of infections starting to level off and deaths showing signs of slowing, I hope it won't be too long before life returns to normal. I look forward to a time when the masks come off, the sanitizer is put away, smiling and happiness returns, and all of us embrace one another, fondly,  once again!

Today I had to attend an appointment at Queen Alexandra Hospital in Portsmouth, in relation to several upper gastric issues I have been experiencing, over the last year or so. I have been waiting for this appointment for quite a while, long before the pandemic struck. Although apprehensive about going to the Hospital, I wore a suitable mask and socially distanced as much as I could, turning up just before my consultation time, waiting in an almost empty room for my name to be called. Unlike other experiences of standing in queues at hospitals and GP surgeries, this was relatively painless and went without a hitch.

I was called into room 2 of the Surgical Outpatients Unit within ten minutes, and spoke to a Doctor Walters, who explained she wanted to discuss the possibility of having a gallbladder removal operation. After asking me about my ongoing abdominal symptoms, she gave me a thorough examination, looking at my stomach and commenting on the 'fine appendectomy scar' I had and how wonderful to see such a 'classic example,' explaining they aren't 'like they used to be.' Suitably impressed, she agreed the operation could be carried out, which should relieve much of the pain I have been experiencing.

The heart attack symptoms, that encouraged me to phone an ambulance in May of this year, were caused by the gall bladder, expelling a gallstone through a connecting tube and into the bile duct. This is an occurrence that could happen again and could  cause symptoms of jaundice, sparking a medical emergency. It was important to remove the bladder as soon as possible, to avoid complications. Just removing the stones would not be possible, as they would just grow back within a matter of months. Clarifying it was perfectly possible to lead a normal life without a gallbladder, it seemed more than appropriate to agree to an operation.

Of course, we are in the middle of a pandemic and it could take a while before this operation is carried out. Dr Walters explained that waiting times are a minimum of six months and even then it is dependent on the course the pandemic takes. She told me if things get back to normal relatively quickly, then it could happen earlier. She would also contact me if an appointment becomes available through cancellation and would endeavour to 'get things done,' as quick as possible. This was a great relief to hear; after suffering pain for quite some time now, I can only hope this is the beginning of the end of the constant discomfort.

To all of you, who are scared about attending Hospital right now, I can only say, it is important you do so. Every precaution was taken to ensure all of us who were there were kept as safe as we possibly could be and seen as quickly as possible. Unlike pre COVID days, there was no waiting around for hours, there was an expeditious flow of patients, seen without fuss and agitation. This is the way the National Health Service should work, pandemic or not and is a lesson for the future.

Thankfully I am now on a waiting list, even if it is for six months and hopefully by next summer I will be very much back to my old self. Until then, I hope there is no return of the worst features of this condition and my life can carry on without the need for another trip to A&E!

To be honest, I've not had the best of weeks; these past seven days, the weather has been particularly awful and I've just felt like hibernating. I am an Anglophile through and through and love most things British, but the winter just gets me down. The cold and damp has always played havoc with my joints and I really have been experiencing a lot of rheumatic pain, something I avoided when living in Spain. If there was ever a reason to return to Iberia, this is the main one; if it wasn't for the pandemic, I would be on a plane right now, heading for the sun.

I have been trying to catch up on some reading, a pleasure I just haven't had time for until recently. With a busy life, I just don't seem to be able to sit down and escape into a good book; lockdown II has changed all that. About three months ago I started to read 'Too Much and Never Enough' by Mary Trump. This book is written by Donald Trump's Niece and exposes the President for the narcissistic person he really is; it is an insight into the 'real' man who reached the highest office in The United States. This was the book that really began to open my eyes up, to what Donald Trump is really all about and it is a fascinating read.

In the middle of the week we finally discovered who won the United States election; it was a relief to discover that Joe Biden would be the next President and the World would finally see the back of Donald Trump. The last four years have been traumatic, a disaster for the World; one man has single-handedly destroyed the reputation of a country and personally overseen the deaths of a quarter of a million Americans, in the midst of the biggest crisis to envelope the World in a hundred years.

Both Darrell and I have witnessed the like of Donald Trump before. Working for Oxfam taught us a great many lessons, about the terrible nature of sociopathic and narcissistic personalities. Both of us suffered for years at the hands of people, who only thought about themselves and couldn't care less whether we lived or died. I have written a lot about this subject and even gave evidence to the Oxfam inquiry, against people who had no place in normal society. I had my day, I was finally given a voice and I learnt to never  trust anyone again.

The Trump Presidency has highlighted some truly terrible injustices and has given rise to bigotry, discrimination and legitimised racism and intolerance. I have felt a deep sense of sadness and upset at what civilisation has become; the rise of nationalistic hate and the lies' perpetuated by a man who was unfit to govern. Today I am living in a World I don't recognise and a period in time that has shamed us all. Those who have turned a blind eye to what has transpired, are responsible for the hate, acrimony and contempt, directed towards anyone who is different, to what others perceive as normal. This has not been a great time to be alive; I have wished to return to the old normal so many times; I miss my previous life, my husband and the dreams I had.

The election of a new President should begin  a process of healing, not only for Americans, but for the rest of the World. It is true to say that the Trump era has caused me no end of stress, just because of who he is and what he stands for. I have always been an anxious person, but turning on a television set and watching a man, so animated with rage and anger, provoking the rest of us into reacting negatively, has been a tremendously debilitating and exhausting time; it has caused great damage to the psyche of any balanced, rational and sensible, level-headed person. Like most of us, I need a rest from all this disarray and time to recover from this lamentable chapter in history.

I would like to congratulate the new President of the United States and wish him well in his new brief. Bringing America, indeed the rest of the planet back together again, after four years of hell isn't going to be easy. He has a Herculean task ahead of him, helping to pick up the pieces of a broken planet. The end of Presidents Trump's Presidency should be the beginning of hope and renewal; empowering a nation, where everyone feels included should be the first steps, at the start of a COVID free World. I am confident, that in time, all of us will conquer our demons, regain the empathy we lost and finally lay the 45th President of the United States to rest!

Here we are in lockdown once again and with the sun out, I decided to go on a 'lockdown walk,' just as I did, day after day, back in May and June. This time however, the weather is decidedly colder and more people are staying in doors; a perfect breeding ground for the virus. Getting outside, breathing in the sea air and enjoying a two-hour coastal walk is just what the Doctor ordered.

Recently my blood pressure has been on the rise. Yesterday morning it had reached a high of 134/90; it hasn't been that high since I lived in Spain and if I am honest, I was a little concerned. Lately I have also been experiencing heart arrhythmias and dizzy spells, two subjects I will be bringing to the attention of my Doctor when I speak to her on Monday.

I hadn't planned to go walking at all today, but because I have been feeling so debilitated lately, I thought it was best. When I got home, my blood pressure was at a stable 117/82, more than perfect for someone of my age. My health and well-being has been giving me greater cause for concern recently; I have become  far more aware of my own issues, which are vast and varied. As someone on the cusp of reaching fifty years old, I am mindful of the challenges ahead, but I am determined to get to grips with them now, while I am still able to.

When I started walking seriously, at the beginning of the pandemic, after being furloughed from the Newcome and reducing my hours elsewhere, I quickly noticed a change in my general health. I felt more content and happy within myself, quickly losing weight and feeling more alive. Walking was helping me both physically and mentally and for the first time in my life, I was enjoying something, I had spent a lifetime avoiding. As we enter a second  curfew, I hope to follow the same itinerary I started all those months ago.

I walked a route I had travelled many times before in Portsmouth and once again enjoyed the chance to get out, on my own, away from the pressures of life. It was perfect, spending a few hours thinking, reflecting and reconnecting with myself, nature and the city where I live. This pandemic has caused so much pain and heartache across the World, but I am trying to use its destructiveness positively, in order to improve my life. Only time will tell if I am successful in reaching my goals of sustained weight loss and importantly an improvement in my attitude to circumstances beyond my control. I hope this will be an activity to take with me into the new World, when the virus is gone and life returns to normal... Here's hoping anyway!

Yesterday all of us working at The Newcome Arms said farewell to our customers, as we closed the doors for the last time before Britain once again locked down. I have now been furloughed along with many others, until the Government tell us we can open again. Despite being sad at not being able to see regular customers and colleagues, I am grateful to be away from the impending second wave that is now gripping the country. With five hundred people dying yesterday alone, I am well aware of the dangers of this virus. It seems we could be in for a worse ride than we had before. I will of course still be working else where, but selling beer behind a bar is now an illegal activity, in this strange new World all of us now inhabit.

Saying goodbye to everyone yesterday was a difficult affair, just as it was the first time we closed. Not knowing how others are doing during this particularly challenging time, is going to be hard. It was a testing night overall and not an evening I want to repeat, but I am at least one of the lucky ones; I still have a job and I'm getting paid. If all goes to plan, we will be open again in four weeks, somehow, I don't think that will happen and the lockdown will probably last longer than expected. Until all of us meet again, we just have to make the best of a bad situation; this will not last forever.

I had to go into town this morning to do some banking and again, just like eight months ago, the place was deserted. The streets were clear, hardly anyone was about and shops and businesses were closed. Portsmouth looked like a ghost town and I felt like I had entered a different World. The city centre is usually busy, bustling and full of voices, teeming with life, especially at this time of year. Not knowing when this current lockdown will end is disconcerting, it is a rather disturbing scene to witness, a scene not dissimilar to movies I have watched in the past, documenting the end of the World.

Of course, I will still have contact with others, especially at work, but I am concerned about those who live alone. Particularly vulnerable, are people who were shielding during the first wave of the pandemic and are no longer required to do so. Many of them are choosing to stay at home anyway, for their safety; a difficult decision, but a welcome one. Isolation and despair are common symptoms at this uncertain time and that is troublesome for the more exposed in society. Walking around the quiet streets today, I also felt very much alone with my thoughts, able to contemplate the future and think about my own anxieties. This is going to be another solitary time for me and I will do my best to embrace it, as I did at the beginning of the year.

I hope to once again spend time walking across the city, but with Christmas coming work will of course take priority. The weather is cold and uninviting, not ideal for exploring this great naval city, but it is something I have to do, if only to stay fit, healthy and sane at this time. Being able to clear one's head, shake away the cobwebs and breathe in the sea air is a must. I am however mindful of my aches and pains and have to take care I am not over doing it. Unlike last time I will not be walking seven miles a day; when one is on one's feet all day at work, a little rest is probably more beneficial than a long distance walk in the rain.

Speaking to Darrell today I was conscious of the huge differences in the direction we are both following in our respective countries. Sat with his Mother, friend Beth, drinking a pot of tea outside Woolworth's in Perth, they were all enjoying a normal life. No masks, no social distancing, no hand sanitizing; all of us are living in significantly different Worlds. The contrast is stark and clear for all to see. How could two countries, both islands, do things so differently? One successful, in more or less eliminating the virus, the other, still suffering through inaction, dither, ignorance and a failure to understand the pandemic that is ripping across the World. I am astounded that Boris Johnson and his Government are not being held more accountable for such monumental failures of judgement and hope in time that will change. It is shocking just how many mistakes have been made.

The next few weeks and months are going to be difficult, as we all try and survive this winter lockdown. The pressures on the health service and the rest of us will undoubtedly take its toll, but it is up to each of us to stay safe and look out for one another. All of us hope this closure will only last until 2 December, but that of course depends on how we all act. In Australia, everyone understood the importance of social distancing, mask wearing and hygiene, here, people seem to be ignoring basic logic when carrying out their daily tasks. Whether they are belligerent with fatigue or confused by the Government's mixed messages up to now, nobody really knows, but their actions will cost lives. Now is the time to act responsibly and follow the rules and hopefully we can all enjoy the family Christmas we planned, looking forward to a pragmatic and hopefully productive new year!

On Saturday the Prime Minister announced a second lockdown to begin from Thursday. I was working at The Newcome at the time, as all of us waited with bated breath for the details of exactly what was going to happen. From Wednesday evening, along with many millions of us, I will be furloughed once again, as the pub I work for closes its doors for a second time. Each of us who work there, were prepared for this day, but it doesn't make it any easier to cope with. The mental health of workers, up and down the nation is beginning to suffer, as each of us battle our way through this turmoil. We have to learn to look towards a positive future, rather than constantly looking back at a time, all of us will need to forget, in order to move on.

I had a brief telephone call with Darrell this morning, just to make sure everything was OK in Australia. There is so much death and pain in the UK at the moment, that it does make a pleasant change to hear good news, from the other side of the World.

Australia, like New Zealand, has handled this pandemic well, far better than us. Darrell told me that Western Australia is beginning to open up to the rest of the country, in a way it hasn't up to now. Western Australia's isolationist stance has sheltered it from the worst of COVID and as a result life has carried on as normal. Naturally Darrell is concerned about what is happening here, and like everyone else, shocked at the mess Britain is in. Both of us are still working towards seeing each other next year, but we are not holding our breath; this is a virus that keeps on giving and who knows where we will be in a twelve months time.

Looking back to the first lockdown, 8 months ago, it was a particularly difficult time for me. Like most people my anxiety levels were high and the fear I experienced on a daily basis was palpable. I withdrew from life in a way I have never done before, attending only my core hours at work and for the first time ever, undertaking an exercise regime, walking from one side of Portsmouth to the other. Physically I felt fit but emotionally and mentally I was drained and dreadfully unhappy. Lockdown life had taken its toll and the repercussions have been difficult to shake.

Only recently I was able to resume normal activities, interacting with friends and family and working overtime when I am able. My anxiety had all but disappeared, and I was happy with my life, despite the pandemic simmering under the surface. Surrounded by good people, mates and work colleagues, I was able to overcome my trepidation surrounding the virus and get back to a sense of normality, that only existed before COVID drove headlong into all our lives. Of course nothing is forever and for the last month I have been preparing for this very day once again; deaths are rising at an alarming rate and all of us are now faced with the prospect of living through yet more hard times, away from loved ones, isolated at home.

It is ironic that just as I have become used to the 'new normal,' we are returning to the Draconian measures employed during the first wave; I have once again begun to feel anxious about the weeks and months ahead. The World I had created recently, involving a few close friends, colleagues and family, has suddenly become out of reach again and lockdown part two is about to take centre stage. As the NHS battles to save lives, Zoom calls will become the norm, a telephone call becomes the only interaction we are likely to have and separation, segregation and quarantine is necessary to stem the tide of the virus.

The mixed messages, confusion and incompetence, our Government has exemplified over the course of this pandemic, have highlighted the failings that have brought us to where we are today. Boris and his bunch of nobodies, has brought this country to its knees and as much as I will follow the rules, I am becoming increasingly weary of the flip-flopping inconsistency and lack of clarity shown by this shoddy Government. They accept the scientific advice when it suits them and disregard it when it promotes their agenda. I am exasperated by the appalling lack of judgement and failure to learn from the mistakes of the past. If we want to understand the course of the virus, we only have to look to Europe and the rest of the World for answers. We have been blinkered as a nation and refused to accept restrictions of liberty in order to save lives; that is a terrible indictment on all of us.

If we are going to survive the next few months, we need to do what's right for us now. We need to follow our own set of rules to remain safe and stop trying to make sense of the Governments guidelines. Confused about what we can and can't do, I have stopped trying to understand the regulations. I just can't worry and stress any more, about circumstances that are being ignored and exploited by others. I know the right thing to do - washing my hands, socially distancing and wearing a facemask and as long as I continue doing that, I feel content with my response.

As the curtain falls on the new normal once again, I am looking forwards to a little bit of 'me time.' I will embrace a return to diminution, curtail my activities and sink back into hibernation. I am well-used to spending time unaccompanied and thankfully enjoy my own company, so for me this isn't a difficult process in the short term. For others, a return to lockdown will be hard and I will do all I can to reach out to them; people are social animals, we all need someone. As I continue on my journey away from those I love, I will always have an open heart for anyone who needs a hug, even if it is given virtually. Good luck to all of you once again, I'm at the end of a phone if you ever need to talk, we will all get through this together I'm sure and see one another on the other side!

On Sunday I met up with Ramona, my best mate from University, for our monthly lunch date. This time we drove to The Crate and Apple Gastro pub, just down the road from the famous, Chichester Cathedral. The food was once again superb, especially dessert, the baked cheesecake, the special of the day. I was obviously a little dubious choosing the sweet course considering my IBS issues, but threw caution to the wind and gave it a go! The flavours were sensational; the fruit  and edible flowers, a perfect accompaniment with this home cooked dish. The main course was great also, although the lamb was just a little overcooked for my taste, nevertheless it was worth every penny.

We were seated by the fire in this traditional pub and once again chatted for the two hours we were there, about what we had been up to over the last month and most importantly, how we had been coping during this pandemic. Both of us have elderly parents, so have been doing our best to avoid putting them at any risk. Like me, Ramona feels it is important to keep a safe distance, until the danger has passed, but that does leave both her and I in a difficult position. Loneliness and a disconnection from loved ones has taken its toll and if I am honest, like Ramona, I am feeling more worn down by the day.

My old Uni friend has become an important part of my life, as I wrestle with the issues around Coronavirus. We both hadn't seen each other for a while, before meeting up over the last few months. We had however spoken on the phone, when COVID-19 was at its height, helping each other through a particularly difficult time in all our lives. There is definitely something very reassuring about having someone close, who you grew up with during an exceptionally enlightening time. Coming to terms with my sexuality and leaving home for the first time, was both thrilling and challenging, and I was lucky enough to share these important years with Ramona!

I have found myself reaching out to people more and more, especially now, as we approach the second wave of this pandemic and I'm not really sure why. I guess my own mortality has become a source of concern, especially after feeling so terribly ill in the spring, but it's more than that. My relationship with friends has always been strange, pushing them away more, then I invite them in. I have always been afraid of getting hurt, as I have been in the past, but I have also been a bit of a loner, preferring to spend time with my own thoughts and feelings, writing, reading and enjoying a solitary lifestyle. I had so many bad influences in my life at one stage, I had to rid myself of whole swathes of people, in order to move forwards.

Of course Ramona is one of the good guys, but I still find it difficult to trust anyone, after the turmoil I suffered at the hands of others. She has restored my faith in friendships and made me realise just how important they are now. None of us know how long we have left in this World; having a close bond with someone, for over thirty years is a rare thing, something special to be cherished and not discarded because of a misguided sense of foreboding. If this pandemic has taught me anything, it is the importance of friends, these are the people, who along with my family, have got me through these terrible painful months.

After lunch, we both took a leisurely walk, between showers to Chichester Cathedral, which was stunning. I am a deeply spiritual person, if not religious, and have always found comfort in such buildings. The place was rather empty, probably due to the pandemic and the restrictions in place, but it was the perfect venue to while away an hour, contemplating life during such a tragic period and remember those who were close and no longer with us.

It seems the church has also moved with the times; QR codes were dotted across the Cathedral, so we could donate if we wished, at the click of a button on our phone. There were also the usual social distancing measures in place, sanitizer around every corner and cleared spaces for easy access. It made a pleasant change to be away from the city and enjoying some much-needed time in the company of a friend who has always meant so much.

After a walk into the historic city and a browse around the shops, it was time to say goodbye for another month. It is days like this that keeps me going, knowing I have something to look forward to. I am lucky to have such wonderful people in my life and although we don't see each other every day, it is a blessing they are there at the end of a phone, when times get rough. The World may well have changed out of all recognition and people can't be as close as they were, but it is reassuring to know, somethings never change - the friendship we share, the similarities we convey and the memories that hold us together, will always be a part of who we are!