Last night I spent a lovely evening with friends, talking, gossiping and putting the World to rights. It felt great to relax in good company for a change, especially after the week I have had.  The pain from Diverticulitis and IBS has been getting me down, especially over the last few days. I find it important to do things that take my mind off the way I am feeling, so being around people chatting the night away is just what the Doctor ordered; my mind was at least clear for a few quality hours!

It is true to say, I have suffered greatly with various conditions and ailments over the last year, mainly due to stress and anxiety, but I am learning to live with the pain. Today however, when I woke up, it was just too much to bear and I rang the Doctors surgery for advice. After describing the situation I was made an appointment and told to come in later in the day.

This is the first time Diverticular Disease has caused me significant problems and most certainly won't be the last, so it is necessary to do what I can to stop any future complications; this is one difficulty I don't want getting out of hand.

The Doctor did the usual checks and diagnosed a Diverticulitis flare up and a particularly nasty one at that. I am hoping a course of antibiotics will cure the problem for now, if not I could end up in hospital, which I really don't want. She understood the complications of the disease and was pretty helpful in regard to living with it, stressing the importance of change and eating a simple, non-spicy diet. Plain chicken, salad or vegetables with no carbs is best.

I also discussed the reasons why I may have acquired IBS in the first place, something that has always puzzled me. The first time I noticed any digestive issues was when I was living in Spain, shortly after being given Statins to lower my high cholesterol; before that, I was perfectly healthy, except maybe for stress and the odd bout of depression. Having read up on Statins, I came across story after story of people suffering from joint pain and abdominal spasms, similar to those experienced in IBS. The timing of my symptoms, coinciding with the prescribing of Pravastatin was no accident and I firmly believe the two are related. I mentioned my concerns to the Doctor who understood what I was trying to say but told me to mention it to my own GP when I next see her.

I seem to be looking for answers don't I, well I guess I am; taking a lot of medication every day can't be good for one's constitution. Taking other pills in the past made me feel similarly unwell at times, not as bad as I do now, but nevertheless not one hundred percent. I would dearly love to stop popping statins, which are intensely nasty drugs, but I understand I am supposed to live with them for the rest of my life. I need to take advice about what to do next; even cutting my dose of Statins will help to stem the tide of pain I experience at the moment I'm sure; so a trip to the Doctors once again is in order and hopefully we can come to a long term plan to help reduce the manifestations I experience almost on a daily basis!

I haven't been feeling particularly great recently, as the British weather takes its toll and my sense of well-being takes a bit of a knock. Since returning from Asia last year, I have had a number of health issues that have been getting me down. Suffering with the constant pain of IBS and Diverticulitis together, has been my biggest bugbear. Despite having good periods, where I exhibit no symptoms at all, for the majority of the time, I do have annoying, frequent and painful flare-ups which last weeks and sometimes months at a time.

There isn't much I can do about the symptoms I suffer from, so haven't been to the Doctor in a few months. This is unusual from me, since my health anxiety can be quite challenging and for a while I was in and out of the GP surgery, on an almost weekly basis. Today however, I just can't be bothered to see anyone, and I am learning to live with the various ailments I have. Of course most conditions can be treated with medicine and you will be feeling better in a matter of days, IBS and Diverticulitis however, are chronic long term illnesses that can only be managed. Living with these two digestive disorders isn't easy and as I grow older I am finding them more difficult to deal with.

My problems are nothing compared to other peoples issues, who live with worse complaints than me. As someone who suffers with extreme anxiety, I do tend to over think the way I am feeling and can blow a simple issue out of all proportion. Learning to deal with my thoughts and trying to keep a level head are important when you are feeling the way I am. Trying to get things into perspective and stop thinking the worst, is part of a process of retraining my mind to cope with issues, that others seem well able to deal with.

This week at work, one of our regular customers came in and spent a few hours looking around the shop. The person in question is elderly and always enjoys speaking to my colleagues, doing her best to keep active and play a prominent role in the local community. I spent as much time with her as I could, while she was waiting for a taxi, and she explained a little about her life as a painter and how lonely she felt after the death of her husband. Something about this lady struck a chord with me, she reminded me of my late Grandmother, who I was estranged from for the last ten years of her life. I really enjoyed speaking with her, she brought back many happy memories.

Senior citizens are amazing people, wise and for the most part a joy to be around. This lady had so much to offer the World, even at her age. No matter how she felt, what ailments she had or how alone she was, she was still doing everything she could to make sure she lives a full and accomplished life and it kind of put my small problems into perspective. Apart from anything else, It took my mind off my own troubles for a short while and allowed me to concentrate on someone else's welfare. It really is amazing how much better you can feel, just by talking to a complete stranger.

The next day I bought a bunch of flowers and a card and took them around to this beautiful soul. I wanted to show appreciation for her and make sure she was OK  after her tiring trip to Tesco. This clearly isn't usual practice, but some people touch your heart in such a profound way, you have to do what you feel is right. This lady found the gesture deeply moving and it brought a tear to her eye. Today I can relax a little more and feel a little less pained because of an individual I didn't know, who made me understand the importance of living life to the full, no matter what life throws my way. The World is indeed a wonderful place, filled with amazing characters, I should spend a little less time thinking about myself and more time thinking about them!

different, and I have been surrounded by family and friends.

On December the 11th, we were given a pre Christmas party at Tesco, where I work several days a week. I suppose this is when Christmas really started for me and I haven't stopped since. It does feel good to be a part of something at this time of year. In Spain I did feel rather alone and somewhat left out. It can be an unforgiving place and although the Expat community is made up of a fantastic bunch of characters, it can also be very closed to new comers, making life rather difficult!

I did manage to spend some time with Dad before Christmas, going out with him for a meal and exchanging gifts. This will be a particularly difficult time of year for him, being his first Christmas without Mum, but he is still coping remarkably well.

We chatted over lunch for a good hour or two and Dad seemed relaxed, talking about subjects that interested both of us, from politics to family. We also talked about issues we hadn't spoken about before, which did seem rather awkward at times, but Dad felt it important to lay a few ghosts to rest and at least we cleared the air. It would be yet another Christmas spent apart as a family, but we are becoming a little closer day by day!

Both my Aunt and I were working on Christmas Eve and with my Aunt also working on Christmas Day, we opened our main presents to one another when we got home from work. I am lucky to be around my extended family for the next few days but my thoughts obviously turn to Darrell in Australia. My World isn't complete without him here and as I open my gifts I can't help remembering the occasions we spent together during better times. This will be the third Christmas we have spent apart and it doesn't get any easier. I am hoping next year will be very different, but for now we both continue doing what we have to!

Christmas Day I went to my Cousin Rachel's. Together with my Aunty Sue, we spent a lovely afternoon eating, drinking and talking, just what all families do on Christmas Day. I had a few too many pints of Stella if I am honest, which didn't sit well with my constitution, but then that's what generally happens at Christmas.

Boxing Day was filled to the rafters with family, lots and lots of family, just like Christmas used to be. Christmas is of course a time for children and they are what makes this day special. The last time I was surrounded by kids, celebrating like today, would have been when I was a child myself. You see, I have never really had any contact with the younger generation, which has always been a disappointment for me, but I am certainly making up for lost time now.

It felt good to be around everyone this Boxing Day. There were tears, crying, laughter and joy, all rolled into one and that made for an interesting day. Family are far more precious now than ever, especially after the loss of Mum. It is the linchpin that holds the generations together, gives us identity and is responsible for influencing what direction we take in life. It is only fitting that we spend time with those closest during the Christmas period, it is certainly what made Boxing Day memorable for me!

On Sunday along with my Aunt I was invited to my Uncle Paul's house, to celebrate Christmas with my late Mother's family. I haven't celebrated with Mum's family for more years than I care to remember. I felt happy and relaxed to be in the company of relatives, that I only usually see at funerals these days and enjoyed spending time with them all.  Of course this Christmas was very different from those of my childhood, but it was a reminder of a past I had almost forgotten about!

Last night I spent a quiet evening relaxing alone on New Years Eve. I wasn't particularly in the mood for socialising at all. I used to enjoy partying and celebrating the new year, but without Darrell, I wasn't in the best of spirits. I used the time to sit and reflect about the past year, another difficult and challenging twelve months. As we move into 2020, I am reminded of the decade we have left behind and can only hope this year will be the beginning of something better;  Darrell and I have survived many battles in the past and will do so again. Every new year offers hope for the future and a belief that this year will be different; I walk into 2020 with my head held high and a determination to survive whatever life throws my way!

On Tuesday we celebrated Darrell's Birthday, a few days before he left for Australia once again. My Aunt had booked a table at The Noble House Restaurant in Southsea. This is a place I haven't been to before, but have heard good things about, so was looking forward to a wonderful evening.

Everyone met at The Newcome Arms at 7pm; the pub was packed with Portsmouth fans. With Pompey playing at home, the bar was busier than I had seen it in a long time, but we found somewhere to stand and enjoyed the charged atmosphere, along with everyone else. Despite my dislike of football, I have become rather fond of football days, working at The Newcome, so being on the other side of the bar, made a pleasant change.

Darrell met many of those I now regard as friends and was able to say goodbye to the regulars he had met during his stay.  I am honoured to have had the the opportunity to meet the numerous personalities who frequent this popular public house, because they are a large part of my life and have been generous in welcoming me to their local community, a community I feel a big part of. Darrell has also found the nature of everyone, including my Aunts long standing friends, who joined us at Noble house, refreshingly open and embracing, one of the reasons I love living in Portsmouth.

After a few early evening drinks, we arrived at this highly recommended restaurant and without exception, the food was first class. I am not the biggest fan of Chinese food but the experience I had there, could very well change my mind. At a cost of twenty two pounds a head, including drinks, the price was pretty reasonable too; this is a place I will certainly be visiting again!

The following morning we went for a day out at Gunwharf Quays. Like most of November, the rain was pouring down, but that didn't detract from Darrell's last day in Britain. Pat had travelled down from Wiltshire, to also spend the day with us. It has been many years since Darrell last saw her and they had much to catch up on. It was great to do 'normal' things, mooching around the shops and having a spot of lunch at The Slug and Lettuce. This has been the best aspect of having Darrell home over the past month, just doing what we used to do, before our life was turned upside down.

Spending time with family, positively, celebrating Darrell's 47th Birthday has been a joy. Even when we were living together in the UK or Spain, we rarely saw family, so this year, Darrell's Birthday was all the more important. My Aunt and Cousin's have welcomed him into their lives, just like the community in which I live and that is something neither of us are really used to. People often ask me why I take a lot of photographs, especially of people I see everyday, but they really don't understand just how important family is to me these days. These are relations I didn't see for many years and without their love and support, my life would be so much more difficult.

A few hours, walking in the pouring rain with my two Aunty Pats and Cousin's Emmy and Thomas, is worth all the tea in China. I will look back on this day out as an important milestone in my life, rather than just another day to be forgotten about. Most people take occasions like this for granted - I don't! Precious memories are few and far between as I grow older; I want to remember the good times, to help me get through the bad!

Darrell left for Singapore and Australia on Thursday, after a month away from home. We have both become used to the nature of our relationship and always make the most of the time we have together. This month has seen a mixture of emotions - laughter, tears, anger and happiness, but through every twist and turn we have grown stronger as a couple. Darrell isn't used to just how big my family is and has found it difficult adjusting to life surrounded by Aunt's, Uncles and Cousins, yes plenty of Cousins, but over the weeks he has started to understand the importance of family. It has been a very difficult road getting here; my strained and at times acrimonious connection with my kinfolk has turned full circle and life is far better now than it ever has been. Of course Darrell is a part of that family and like me, he is just beginning to discover his place in it!

As I once again bid farewell to my husband, for another six months, I am mindful of the continual battles ahead. By the time I see Darrell again, I will have reached the grand old age of 49, a year closer to death as they say. Neither of us are getting any younger and we have to start thinking about the direction our life is travelling in, as we reach the beginnings of old age. Coming back together as a couple is a pressing priority; with the death of my Mother I am now happier to move from the UK once again and am looking forward to a future away from a decade of misadventure, impediment and pain!

This is Darrell's last week in Britain, before he flies home to Perth on Thursday, so he has been trying to see as many friends as he can before he leaves. Darrell and I have made many friendships over the years, so seeing everyone is just an impossible task. The ones who could be bothered and had the time, travelled to Portsmouth to see Darrell, which has taken the pressure off him and I travelling to see them. I lead a very busy life and have little time to do anything else but work!

On Saturday Chris and Sam came to say goodbye to Darrell for another year. They were regular visitors to our home for many years and often popped in to say hi when we lived in Southampton. I have of course seen Chris many times since we returned from Spain, but not Sam. This was the first time I had seen him since 2015 and this young lad has grown up a lot since then.

It remains important to stay in contact with many of those we have known since we got together 24 years ago and both of us do try to see as many friends as we can. Life may well have taken us in different directions, but the bond all of us share is still there. I have had many people come and go from my life and the truth is, I am a very difficult person to understand and get to know, but a few have stuck around long enough to know the real me - Sam and Chris are just two of them.

Last night I dragged Darrell out with me and a couple of close friends from the supermarket where I work. Our mutual friend Paul also came along and we had a fantastic night, with lots of laughs.

I haven't had much to laugh about recently, having been constantly ill, so it's nights like last night that have become important. Letting ones hair down, having a few drinks with mates and spending quality time together is just what the Doctor ordered and I finally sat back, relaxed and enjoyed myself.

The people I have met, since returning to the UK have been a tremendous source of support in recent times and I feel like I have known them for many years.  Those I am close to now are very different to those I was acquainted with in the past and have given me an insight into a World, that I rarely saw otherwise. As a gay man my life was centred around the gay community and I had very few 'straight' mates. Today I much prefer the company of my hetrosexual peers, finding them more honest and trustworthy, without an agenda. Also the friends I have are of a similar age, unlike the younger age group we tended to gravitate towards ten years ago. We have far more in common, enjoy the same things, taste in music and conversations. Above all I live life at a more sedate pace these days, which suits my general disposition, as I grow older. I am an oldie now, in every respect and enjoy the activities us older people enjoy. This is a time where I am finally comfortable in my own skin.

I am grateful for the friendships I have and for the memories I am making everyday. This is a new chapter in my life, filled with new comrades, companions and experiences and I couldn't be happier. Darrell was equally relaxed and impressed with the attachments I have formed and seemed far more at ease with our current situation, than he has before; that makes me happy and my life much easier. As the sun begins to set on our relationship for another six months, I feel more secure and anchored with who I am and where I'm heading and look forward with positivity rather than apprehension. Friends are the superglue that holds me together right now, without them, life would be difficult to bear and my days in Britain far longer; without my mates my World would be a much smaller place!

On Thursday Darrell, Aunt Trisha and I went to see my Father in Fareham. The day before, he had celebrated his Birthday with my Brother and his family, so it was important for me to also see him. At 72 years old, my Father is still going strong and remarkable in many ways, especially whilst looking after Mum, as her carer for twenty years. Understandably, Dad wasn't really in the mood for celebrating this important milestone, but in my view, it is necessary to carry on as a family, in the same vein we have before.

Dad is still mourning the loss of Mum and misses her everyday. This has been the first time since her death that Darrell has had a chance to see him and presented him with a card he had written after Mum died. Both Dad and Darrell were very emotional; the words Darrell had written were extremely poignant and stirred a lot of feelings in all of us who were there at the time. Writing from the heart is a brave thing to do, especially when you don't normally express yourself in such a way, so I was also aware of the time, effort and courage needed to produce such a personal piece of writing.

Dad took us all for afternoon lunch at his favourite eatery, Titchfield Mill, where we had a superb meal and family catch up. It is good to see my Father and Aunt Trisha, his sister, once again bond as a family. These two siblings were somewhat estranged for many years, but with the death of my Grandparents and my late Mothers illness, they have started to build bridges and become close again, as Brothers and Sisters should be.

Family has become the most important aspect of my life in recent years. Without their love and support, I would have found this time, spent away from Darrell even more difficult than it already is. The only wish I have now, is to see Dad happy and content in life, as he begins the difficult task of recovering from the loss all of us have felt. As the months tick by, I will endeavour to do all I can to help facilitate my Fathers long term future and will stay firmly rooted at home with family and friends, until Darrell returns on a permanent basis and we can start where we last left off in Spain!

Today we said farewell to Jersey and the gorgeous Merton Hotel. Although we have only been here for a few short days, I think I speak for both of us, when I say, how much we have enjoyed our stay. It has been a long time since  I have felt so relaxed and calm and have found my first experience of the Channel Islands, extremely rewarding.

The Merton Hotel in St Helier was comfortable and the staff hospitable. Our stay at this family run establishment was superb; if any of you travel to Jersey, I would highly recommend a stay here. The breakfast, choice of restaurants and facilities was second to none and certainly made our stay all the more enjoyable. Nothing was too much for the staff at The Merton and without exception they accommodated our every need. When you travel somewhere new, you want to feel rested and congenial in your surroundings. The Merton Hotel offered us the best experience we could have asked for; the mark of a good hotel with a five star level of service.

Darrell went to the gym this morning for a swim and sauna, while I relaxed watching a bit of television in bed. After another great breakfast, we leisurely packed our bags and left the hotel, catching a taxi to Liberation Bus Station, where we caught the bus to the airport. Sat on the top deck once again, we were driven the short journey across the island. Sitting there, looking out the window, the rain pouring down, I was struck by the similarities to the UK and southern Britain where I live, but I was also reminded how different this place is. Quirky, charming; a shining jewel in the English Channel.

My late Grandmother, spent many happy years in Jersey and was a frequent visitor, always enjoying her stay and it's easy to see why. I did have the secure feeling I get when I am home in the United Kingdom, but I also felt like I was in a foreign country and all the excitement that goes with that.

Arriving at the small airport, I was sad to be leaving this largest Channel Island and looked forward to the day I would return, because I surely will. I don't always say that about places I visit, but Jersey really does have a special place in my heart. With my family leaving near St Helier, I now have the perfect excuse, to hop on a plane and once again say a big hello!

The plane journey back to Southampton was horrendous, I hated every minute of it. The turbulence was worse than anything I have ever experienced before and I was hanging on to the seat in front for dear life. Of course I have been on small planes before and understand the flight is very different to a large 747, travelling to Asia, but this was a nightmare for me - a frequent flyer with a fear of flying!

I have taken home some wonderful memories of my time in Jersey and spent some valuable time with my Cousins and of course my husband. We both had the few days together we needed, to keep on battling towards our goals and eventually coming back together again on a permanent basis. Thanks Jersey, for showing us, there is life after death!

Readers to Roaming Brit will be aware of my gay daughter Jamie, who lived with Darrell and I in Spain four years ago. On Saturday he travelled to Portsmouth with his partner, also called Jamie, to see Darrell, before he returns to Australia in eleven days time. It has been a while since I saw them both myself, so I was determined to enjoy the few short hours we had together.

Little Jamie was a big part of our life for many years and we spent many happy times together, growing close during a particularly challenging time in my life. Jamie was there for me through the darkest of days and helped pick me up at some terribly low points. The both of us have always got on, having a very similar sense of humour and an interest in similar activities. It was only right that Jamie came with us in 2015 to Gran Alacant, even though it didn't end well for him. As he said, 'it was an experience that made him the person he is today and he wouldn't have missed it for the World.'

We have spent a lot of time catching up with friends and family since Darrell arrived in the UK and it was amazing to include Jamie on that list. By all accounts he hasn't been having a good time recently himself, so it was wonderful to sit down and have a laugh over a few beers. This was one of those occasions where we really did start off where we left and that is important. True friendships never end, even when battling through turmoil, they just take a back seat for a while, while we get our act together and that is the story of our friendship!

Lighthearted chit chat and laughter during onerous times; just what the Doctor ordered. I felt relaxed and happy, free from the stresses of life - It's days like this that all of us need to make time for, despite how busy we are. Happiness is hours spent with those closest, when peace seems too far away; a time to savour together, a break from the furor and fray that engulfs most of our lives on a daily basis!

After the constant rain yesterday, there was a break in the deluge this morning. For the first time in many months, I actually had a few hours extra sleep, waking at a far more civilized 7am. Following a good nights sleep, I was looking forward to the day ahead. Feeling relaxed is important now, as I rapidly approach my fiftieth Birthday, I need to wind down a little from time to time, without stress, tension and most importantly anxiety, something that has become all to familiar in recent times. Spending a night with my partner, after such a long time apart, has been the tonic I have needed to carry on living, at a very difficult time.

We took a short walk from the hotel towards the bus stop in Beach Roach, catching the bus to Mount Orgueil Castle, a landmark in Jersey. This castle looks stunning from a distance, as you drive along the coast road towards this majestic outpost. Sadly the weather wasn't brilliant, but we were still able to stand and admire this building through the cloud and occasional sunshine, avoiding the rain for now.

We climbed the steps to a vantage point, looking out across to France; the views were stunning. I felt completely chilled, just standing there, thinking, contemplating and enjoying the peace and quiet, not a sound could be heard and that felt good. It's been a long time, since I have felt so untroubled; I was almost nonchalant in my repose, without a care in the World. All that mattered was hear and now and time spent with my husband, on an island that was quickly capturing my imagination!

As the weather turned sour, we took the bus from Gorey Pier, just below the castle and headed back into St Helier, where we walked around the historic streets, window shopping and visiting local attractions. It's been a while since Darrell and I have done this, probably since we both lived in Spain, so I was determined to savour the experience. St Helier was far busier than I thought it would be, but it really did have a continental feel about it, a part of the World both of us have lived in and somewhere we love to visit. Of course just over the water in France, Darrell and I used to own a small house ourselves, so flying to Jersey, really did feel like coming home!

In the evening my Cousin Phoebe picked Darrell and I up from our hotel and drove us to a eerily quiet restaurant, along the cost road to St Aubin, where for the first time ever, I sat down and met my Aunt Helen's son George, his girlfriend Tasha and of course lovely Phoebe. In truth I have met George once before, when he was a very small baby, but as my circumstances changed and life took me to very different parts of the World, I never really spent time with this side of my family, which was a real shame.

My Aunt Helen and Uncle John moved to Jersey many years ago with their young family, forging a new successful life away from the rat race in Britain. They have never looked back and are happy and content in their new life. George works on the Island and is now dating the lovely Tasha, who like Darrell and I, has travelled extensively across the World, always returning to the home she loves in Jersey. Phoebe has just finished her A levels and has singed a record deal with a leading music company. Not only does my little cousin sing beautifully, but she also writes her own music and is very talented. We listened to several of her songs and were deeply moved by the impression they left on us. I feel sure this young lady, only seventeen years old, will become the success she deserves.

As we all sat there talking, I was struck by the character of these young people, a far cry from most their age these days. All of them are secure and happy with who they are and accommodating and welcoming towards Darrell and I. We were all born in different era's from contrasting generations, but with my Aunt and Uncle away on a cruise, these guys were happy to  meet us and offer a glimpse into there idyllic Island lives; now there isn't many who would do that!

As I grow older, in the twilight of my years, I am always grateful to spend time in the company of my younger Cousins, both here, Portsmouth where I live or in my home town of Fareham. At one time, our little Hampshire family was the biggest in the County, but as time has moved on, our once inordinate menage has become scattered across the World, just like Phoebe and George, leaving smaller links to the past in their wake.

Meeting my extended family unit was the highlight of my trip to Jersey. These are two incredibly talented and well brought up youngsters, who I thoroughly enjoyed spending time with. Of course it would be amazing to come back to this largest of Channel Islands, since our family connection goes back a very long way, but with my life the way it is and Darrell living on the other side of the World, it does make it difficult to navigate these British Isles as much as we would like. Nevertheless, I would hope to return soon and start once again where we left off!