Well Thursday really was an emotional day, as I said farewell to friends and colleagues from Tesco, The Newcome Arms and Cancer Research - all places I have worked since my return to Portsmouth from Spain in 2018. To say leaving Portsmouth, even for a year, will be an enormous wrench is somewhat of an understatement. Emotions really have been running high for me, as I have said my goodbyes to some fantastic friends. I am not a person who cries easily, so Thursday just showed me how lucky I am, having made some wonderful memories with some truly amazing characters; the tears did flow briefly, as I said one last au revoir to everyone who has played an important role in my life over the last four years. In the main, however, they were tears of happiness, as bonds were cemented, and I realised these were friends for life, wherever I am in the World.

In many respects, this week has been a Godsend. Realising I was finally about to leave the UK on the trip of a lifetime, I started to relax and enjoy the final few days here in Portsmouth. With only two days left, I am content with the choice I have made and look forward to the future. It has also been a hard seven days, having to wear a mask at work and keep my distance as much as possible, as I prepare for the long flight to Australia. Having been planning this journey for about six weeks, I have become drained and run down from all the preparation. It has been hard getting to this point, but the days of Darrell and I, spontaneously getting up and going, are well and truly over; this is the adventure of a lifetime, and it has to be done right.

So many people have wanted to say goodbye, that we have been living an emotional tight rope for a while now. Ever since I announced I was taking a lifestyle break from work, I have had so many colleagues asking to spend time with us, that I have been taken aback. A year really is a long time, and Darrell and I realise how important it is to connect with those close before we go. I hope to be back in twelve months, but who knows what will happen.

Apart from going to see my Father, that really is it, the end of our time in the UK for a while. Our life will now consist of traversing the World, experiencing new cultures and living out of a suitcase. This isn't everyone's cup of tea; travelling isn't always glamorous, it does have its downsides. We will be away from family and friends for an extended period and unable to enjoy that one to one interaction, that I so adore. I am a social animal first and want that close contact, on a one to one basis, but I am also someone who needs to explore, looking for answers and reaching out for new and inspiring experiences. It is a choice to travel for most, but for us, it is a way of life, that we haven't experienced for a very long time, since 2019. This is a time of great excitement, but also of trepidation and nervousness.

As I sat on the checkouts completing my last shift on Wednesday, ironically training a new member of staff, on the very till I was first trained on nearly four and a half years previously, a colleague approached and tapped me on the shoulder. Whispering in my ear, she told me a customer, who had become close over the years, had died that very morning. Her sister wanted to come over and see me before I left. This dear lady spoke so eloquently of her sister's last moments, ending by saying, she had hoped 'I had already left on my travels,' because of how difficult it was to tell me of her sister Pats passing. An emotional day, had just become even more emotional, and I was left feeling rather empty after the news. As someone who believes in fate, I truly believe this was meant to be and gave me the green light to leave Fratton, embarking on a new but thought-provoking journey.

So many friends and colleagues have signed cards and given me small gifts and tokens of friendship to take with me. I have been overwhelmed by their generosity and care, and moved by the words they have said. One of my closest colleagues gave me a compass, reminding me, that wherever I was in the World, she would 'find me.' She, like so many others, will always be a part of my life, and I am so happy to have met her and everyone else. My closest friend Jules gave me a beautiful card, (below) and 'Tree of Life' pendant, signifying, according to him, my independence, uniqueness and family bonds. In all but name he is the Brother I never had, and this gift will always link us together, as both of us go our separate ways for now.

From my job at Tesco, I went to The Newcome Arms and Cancer Research, where I made my final farewells to people who have been so important to me during my years here. Walking back into The Newcome felt like coming home; as I sat chatting over a pint of Stella and packet of crisps, I was reminded of where it all started in 2018. I haven't been back here for a while due to work commitments, but I spent many years working here and needed to say goodbye. Yes I know this is a lifestyle break and not forever, but with the world the way it is, I worry when I come back, nothing will be the same again; saying cheerio means closure, so I can happily go off on my mission to find myself....again!

From The Newcome it was on to Cancer Research in Commercial Road for a glass or two of Prosecco and some typically uplifting banter. This is the reason I started volunteering and why I kept coming back. The volunteers and Zerina, especially, are amazing individuals; when Darrell got a job with the shop, I knew how happy he would also be, and I wasn't wrong. I know it is so hard for him leaving everybody, but like me, he has made some memorable friendships. These are people who will always remain in both our hearts, they are quite simply the best of British and the most hard-working, down to earth bunch I have ever known.

Today, a friend from work who I missed yesterday, popped a card and a bottle of wine round. She wanted to come and see me before I left. Once again, I can not stress enough how deeply moved I have been by everyone's good wishes, it really means a lot. As a friend from Spain told me recently, rightly or wrongly, I have touched many lives; I just hope I have done so in a positive way. Angela has always been a beautiful soul, sharing mine and Darrell's love of cats, and has been a great friend during my tenure at Tesco. I will of course see her and everyone else again, but for now I am just happy for the love they have shown.

After Angela's impromptu visit, my Aunty Trisha, Darrell and I went to Titchfield to see my Father. This will be the last time I see him for a while, and I wanted to make sure he was OK. It is true to say I am worried about Dad. He is seventy-five years old and looking a little frail these days, but he repeated how well he was, and I should go off on my travels and not look back.

That is easier said than done. Although I don't see Dad as often as I would like, I enjoy being close by. When my Mother suddenly died in 2019, I was grateful to be near to my Father and glad to be able to do something to ease his pain. If anything happens to him while I am away, it will be harder to return quickly. Nevertheless, he assured me he was fine once again, and I have to take his word for it, after all I have no reason not to. I will naturally worry about him, but will check in as often as I can.

Dad gave me a deeply personal parting gift and a bunch of letters he had found, that I had sent Mum back in 1995. One of them was the very letter I wrote to her, coming out as gay, and my God did that bring back some emotions. My life may well be different to what Dad ever expected or even desired, but it is mine to own, and I have tried to live it as best I can. The unconventional nature of our relationship, separated at times by thousands of miles, has kept us strong as a couple. Our home will always be here in the United Kingdom, after all it's where we live, but torn between two diverging worlds it is our fate to travel, often for long periods of time. We will both know when the time is right to settle down, but for now we will keep following our heart on this endless journey that seems to never ends.

Bye bye UK, I'll see you soon!

Darrell and I were invited to a dear friend's house on Sunday evening. Jules, a work colleague, wanted to say a personal goodbye before we embark on our year of travelling. I have always been close to him, he has been there through some truly rough periods in my life, when Darrell was trapped in Australia at the height of the pandemic. Despite looking forward to my sabbatical, it will still be a wrench leaving friends behind, especially people like Jules. The older I get, the harder it will be to establish new friendships; I am lucky to have had this amazing person as a friend for the last four years, and I am happy and confident he will be a part of both our lives for many years to come.

Jules had also invited a special guest along, someone I haven't seen for a long time and a person I have known for thirty years. I don't want to mention him by name today, but save that for another blog. Some people value their privacy more than I and I respect their wish to leave it for a while before I publish their name.

What I can say, however, is just how important this person is to me. Jules understood the connection we had and went out of his way to facilitate our brief reunion. This was the mark of true friendship and makes me so grateful for the friends I have made here. There are very few people who remain a part of all our lives for such a long period of time, most are gone within a blink of an eye. I am lucky to have a few close companions, and seeing one of my oldest friends last night was an amazing memory to take with me on my travels.

Darrell and I still have more gatherings to attend before we leave in a few weeks, saying goodbye to many more friends; the long goodbye continues apace. Nevertheless, last night was the most important time for me, in the company of very close colleagues, in a relaxed, chilled atmosphere. I will miss Jules terribly during my travels, and I can't thank him enough for making my time in Portsmouth, at a time of turmoil, all the more bearable. I intend to return in a year and pick up from where I left off, but during such uncertain times, it is important to say goodbye to people who have been significant in my life. None of us know what will happen tomorrow, let alone in a year. I continue to look forward to the future, but am mindful of the people who made me the person I am. Jules is one of those and will forever remain in my heart!

The next few weeks are going to be manic for Darrell and me, as we finish our itinerary for a year of travelling. On top of this, we have to say our goodbyes to friends and family, which, if I am honest, is already taking its toll. With so many people to see, it is becoming problematic fitting everyone in; however, I am doing my very best.

On Sunday I had a farewell meal with colleagues from work, the first of many meals over the next month. Six of us went to a highly recommended Italian restaurant in North End, here in Portsmouth, Bella Calabria. I had heard some great reviews on the restaurant from people I know, so thought I would try it out. The food was absolutely delicious. This was authentic Italian cuisine, cooked by Italians, and I personally wasn't disappointed.

With colleagues on the Customer Service Department, a friend James from Dot-com, and my boss Sammy, we spent a great few hours chatting and talking about mine and Darrell's plans for the year ahead. My position in the company is secure and has been kept open for my return, so I have no worries on that score. I do have to be mindful of the costs involved in circumnavigating the World; it isn't cheap. With no income for the next twelve months, it is important I budget as much as I can. Living within ones means while travelling is a bit of a tall order, but I am well-used to stretching the cash these days, so I am confident I have everything in place to ensure we have an amazing adventure.

It was fantastic being with the people who have been there for each other over the last few years. We kept each other's spirits up during the darkest days of the pandemic and did our best to survive, whatever came our way. These are the people who supported me, while Darrell was stranded in Australia, and were there when I fought for his return. Without them, my life would have been all the poorer and the motivation to succeed even harder to achieve.

After a lovely three-course meal, Darrell, James and I headed to Southsea beach and sat talking for hours. James has always been close; we started work together on the same department and have much in common. Whether sat back to back on checkouts discussing difficulties only gay men could have or bitching, in a way only we know how, our friendship has only grown stronger. He is one person I will miss more than most, but I know he will be a part of my life wherever I am in the World.

On Monday, still recovering from Bella Calabria, suitably hungover, Darrell and I spent the afternoon with one of our oldest friends from our time in Southampton, Elaine. We had lunch at The Lord Palmerston in Southsea, cheap and cheerful, after the expensive £40.00 ahead Italian the night before. Elaine knows us better than we know ourselves, so whenever we haven't seen each other for a while, we just pick up from where we left off.

The weather was scorching hot as we walked from the pub to the beach, where we relaxed in the early evening sun, swam and just enjoyed the cool breeze along the coast. Darrell said the most difficult part of going away is the goodbyes we have to make before we leave. I get that, I get that one hundred percent. It is always hard saying farewell, but that's why seeing friends like Elaine is important. A lot could happen while we are travelling, especially in this post COVID era, so spending a few hours of quality time with those closest, helps us stay grounded and connected to people when we are thousands of miles apart. Nothing lasts forever, and I'm sure we will see them all again one day soon, when we finally shake the itching bug and settle down once more.

Two more farewells before we depart these shores for pastures new, exploring parts of the World only others could dream of. This is the life Darrell and I have chosen to lead, unlike most of you and despite the pitfalls, it is the dynamic that keeps us together. This may well turn out to be another huge mistake in a long list of miscalculations, but these are our mistakes to make, and we are determined to live our lives to the full. I am aware age isn't on our side and the clock is ticking faster, so before I'm unable to do the things that make me happy, crossing countries off my bucket list, I'm going to make the most of the years I have left and keep following my dreams!

It has been another difficult week, something that seems to be happening more and more recently. However hard my circumstances are at the moment, I do try and take some time out and chill when I can, even if it is only for a few hours. After a shift on Saturday, Darrell and I managed to grab a couple of those important moments and have a meal together, Despite this, I could tell he wasn't it the best frame of mind, after having a particularly hard day at work.

Confrontation isn't an activity I relish, so after a rather terrible meal, it was the last thing I needed. I can handle most arguments by simply walking away, preferring to retreat to safety, but on rare occasions this isn't possible. Having been dragged into conflict, I normally do what I can to defuse situations, but that doesn't always work. On Saturday evening, Darrell and I packed a few things and left Portsmouth, having no intention of returning. I had finally reached the end of my tether and just needed to get away. Some situations feel unsalvable, and it is necessary to just up sticks and go as far away as possible.

Not for the first time, we headed to the train station with a large full case and three packed bags of belongings, essential for proving our partnership. Despite being together for twenty-seven years, we still have to carry a suitcase full of paperwork documenting our years as a couple. This ensures our life is recognised in whichever country we choose to settle in. As we walked along Fratton high street, just as we did over a quarter of a century ago, walking over Westminster bridge in the early hours of Saturday morning, both times dragging a broken case with a dodgy wheel, we made plans for the future. It was time to finally bite the bullet and fly home to Australia, restarting our life once again.

As I approached the ticket machine at the train station, about to buy two tickets to London, Darrell persuaded me to instead head to our old home in Southampton for the night, so we could just get some rest after a terrible evening. Sat waiting for the train, I messaged my work, prepared to hand in my notice there and then. We were leaving for Australia and that was my only priority. Luckily, the duty manager, who was working at the time, advised me to take a week's unpaid leave and think rationally about what I was doing. It is true to say, that minds can become cloudy in the heat of a fight and as we are all too aware, irrational decisions can overtake rational thought. Prepared to leave there and then, I took a step back, briefly, and said I would take time out to decide my next move. That was a wise decision, something I'm glad I agreed to.

We had half an hour to wait for the train, so spent the time messaging friends, who were absolutely amazing. A colleague I am particularly close too, akin to family, like the real brother I have never had, was extremely emotional and empathetic. He gave me a sense of what true friendship was like, even offering us a place to stay. Speaking to him on the phone, both emotional, he made me feel wanted in a way I haven't felt here in the UK, since my return in 2018. Of course, I have close family, but today I do tend to keep friends at a distance, especially after what has happened in the past. To hear such heart-warming words, made me realise I do have a life here and the people I work with mean the World to me.

Both Darrell and I remained quiet, sat on the train, during the forty-minute journey. Surrounded by bags, my life in tow, I just glanced out of the window, remembering the day we left for Australia in 1995 in similar circumstances. Our life has never been conventional in any sense of the word, but like all of you, we just want to settle down and lead our life normally, as we think fit, without other people dictating our every move. Since COVID and the cost of living crisis, our options to move forward have become even more limited than they were before. We have many more difficulties now, trying to achieve our dreams, and it looks likely we will have to spend the next few years building hard for a future that just isn't attainable right now. I dream of freedom every day, yet it's just too far out of reach; always one step forwards, two steps back!

Jury's Inn in Southampton was full of Saturday night revellers, and we were lucky to get a room at all, even at an inflated £206. After initial confusion with our booking, paid through PayPal, which still remains pending in my account, we finally got into our room at 10.30pm. Yet again we made more plans for a new life, just like we have done so many times before; we talked, got angry, cried and generally felt sorry for ourselves, all the while mindful of the challenges we face every day. Falling asleep briefly, we were both wide awake by 6am, when we finally came to some decisions after a few hours kip.

No argument is insurmountable, even ones as bad as the previous night. Both of us have made a life for ourselves in Portsmouth, even if it isn't going to be forever. I would miss my job, family and friends if I had to up sticks and leave, so it was time to bury the hatchet and get back to the way things were.

There has been so much turmoil and upheaval in my world recently that it is important for us both to try and live as peacefully as possible. I don't want drama in my life any more, I am too old and long in the tooth to be dealing with it. If anything, the last few days have shown how much I need Portsmouth in my life right now, especially my work and the friends and colleagues who make mine and Darrell's existence far more bearable. We have naturally discussed plans for a three-month stay in Australia, when the time is right, and hope we can see our Australian family in the not too distant future. For now, I will pick myself up, dust myself down and continue as if nothing has happened, the best way to survive another day!

It has been a busy week for me, and I am feeling particularly tired. I am currently working a lot of hours and rarely have time to myself. Saving for lots of different things, especially during this cost of living crisis, is proving more challenging than I expected, even with me being in an enviable position. Like all of you, I am feeling the pinch, with my living costs going up daily, and there doesn't seem to be any end in sight. I was using my time here in the UK productively, saving hard for the future but at present the targets I set for myself seem to be slipping away, as I try and keep my head above water. This is not a great period to be alive and like everyone, I am fearful for the future. 

Just yesterday I checked the value of my pensions, as I do from time to time, and was shocked at the collapse in  their value. In a little over four months, my main pension has fallen 20% and all the gains made over the last three years have been lost; now that is scary, especially when I want to retire in four years time. I understand pensions and investments do fluctuate, it's just part of the course, but the figures I am seeing just indicate a continual decline, unlike anything I have ever seen before.

Equally, the various share holdings I own have also dramatically declined and fallen even further than my pensions. With most of my cash tied up in a high interest savings account, I am fortunate not to have invested too big a portion of my money into higher risk financial products. However, the state of the World economy is still a worrying concern for my future, and I am keeping a close eye on all my investments. We are being hammered from all sides; higher taxes and bills, as well as rising inflation that is dangerously out of control. 

My current thinking is to continue putting as much money away as I can, especially with such a bleak outlook moving forwards; that isn't really going to change. My desire to buy a property is of course my overriding ambition, but after taking advice, I am aware that this isn't the right time to do so. As the crisis gets worse, it looks likely, that house prices will crash in the very near future and I want to be able to pick up a bargain when the time is right. Whether we buy here or abroad, I just have no idea, but by the time I reach my 55th Birthday I hope to finally have a home of my own. 

It is important for me to have goals, which I work towards daily. It gives me focus at especially difficult times. As a person, I have always been terrible with money, so this is the first time I've actually made a positive impact on my finances. I am mindful, nevertheless, of the challenging months ahead, and I am extremely concerned at the possible implications of a continued collapse in financial markets. This is the time I should be building for the future, instead I am battling to stay afloat. Darrell and I are far luckier than most, not having to pay bills, but we do have a lot of outgoings to contend with, and they are just getting more and more burdensome daily. Like everyone else, though, there is very little I can do about it.

The last four years have had their high and low points; the lack of personal space does take its toll, especially recently. Spending the majority of my time at work or held up in a single room doesn't do wonders for my mental health, but I am aware that the sacrifices I am making now should pay dividends in the future. On the plus side, my financial astuteness has increased beyond measure. I have saved more money than I ever have done in my life, and my current circumstances have allowed me to build the foundations for success in the future.

Both Darrell and I are also fortunate to have chosen our friends, far more wisely, than we have done in the past. We no longer have the hangers on, the people who just take, borrow and never pay back and more importantly, we no longer suffer fools gladly. I have a very small group of close friends and never trust anyone I don't know well enough. Yesterday, I went out with a small group of work colleagues, and we had a fabulous night; a rare occasion when Darrell and I spent time with others outside our family circle.

My finances have always taken a severe battering because of other people, which is why we have to be so careful these days. No longer easily influenced or afraid to say no, I am happy to have decent people back in my life. I was such a bad judge of character in the past, that I could never see the impending disaster waiting in the wings. The more I desired the company of others, the more money I spent, and all I am left with today is a bag full of regret and some pretty terrible memories to boot. These people are firmly in the past, but their destructive influence still lingers. I do suffer with anxiety and from time to time I do become particularly inward, self reflective and depressed; Something I am aware could be rearing its ugly head once again today.

It appears it's time to batten down the hatches, just like we did during the pandemic. Working extra hard is necessary right now, since none of us really knows what will happen next. There has been so much thrown at us in recent times, that we just have to do our best to survive each oncoming storm. I know, after attending Cognitive Behavioural Therapy in the past, that it is important to deal with each event or trigger as it happens, breaking down difficulties into smaller packages. Rather than panicking over the bigger picture, I am accepting the inevitable and dealing with each element separately, which I hope will see me through.

Each of us have a difficult road to tread at the moment, and I am no different to you. All I can do is help others when I can, donate to foodbanks, make sure I listen to friends who need help, give them a shoulder to cry on and a voice of reason. Yes, we are all suffering, but we must remember those who are worse off than us. Reach out, be available and above all keep fighting, even when the battle seems lost!

With my Birthday approaching on the 9th May, I have taken a week off work, as I always do at this time of year. Usually I would be planning to go to some far-flung destination on the other side of the World, but since the pandemic I haven't travelled abroad and have decided to give flying a wide berth this year; I am just not ready to get on a plane yet.

Three years ago was the last time I went abroad, when Darrell and I toured Asia, since then I haven't had a break at all. If I am honest, the lack of travelling is beginning to get me down. I am a wonderer at heart, and I miss navigating the World, experiencing diverse cultures and enjoying the sights, sounds and smells, that only exploring can bring, as I have done throughout my adult life. By September, I hope to once again get on a plane, taking two weeks off, so we can both celebrate our anniversary away from the drudgery of the UK. That of course depends on the state of the World and whether there are restrictions in place, or we aren't in the middle of a third World war. For now, I am setting my sites on a no expense spared trip in four months, and I am more than willing to spend another Birthday at home.

This year I am visiting friends and family, spending time with those closest and just enjoying some well deserved time out. Tomorrow, my Father is coming to Portsmouth and nine of us will be going out for a large family meal at Gunwharf Quays. Dad doesn't get out much, so it will be wonderful to see him away from home. In the evening, Darrell and I will spend time with my best friend Ramona in Southampton and see other old friends on Monday. Wednesday we will both spend the day in London, enjoying the sites of this incredible city, we rarely get to see.

Yesterday, both of us went out for a walk along the Eastern Shore in Portsmouth with a colleague and friend from work, Sue. It was fantastic to just get away from the city centre for a bit, which does tend to grate on one at times. As I have grown older, I have become less interested in urban living, preferring the more rural areas surrounding this great naval city. As a young boy who grew up in a village, I have certainly become more appreciative of the quiet life. I yearn for a more relaxing existence, but am well aware of the difficulties this presents. As someone who doesn't drive, with a partner who has made a conscious decision not to buy a car, I understand I need to be near the amenities I take for granted every day.

I look forward to a productive few days with people I haven't seen in a while. As I reach the grand old age of 51, I am spending more and more time thinking about the memories that made me who I am today. I do miss certain aspects of my past life in Southampton, so relish the opportunity to see those who were there for me then. It has been seven years since I lived there, so I have a lot of catching up to do. Birthdays are a time to celebrate life, but they are also a time to remember all the momentous occasions that came before. Making time for others is important, especially after the trauma of the last few years.

Spring has sprung, the sun is shining and for the first time in many weeks, I am feeling great. The World is indeed in a mess and my anxiety is the worst it's ever been, but I have decided to start living again. For too long, I have been shut inside, watching distressing news bulletins about the war in Ukraine and scaring myself half to death. It really is time to get up, get out and enjoy what life has to offer.

Darrell and I have more or less decided not to go on holiday abroad once again this year. COVID is still rife and with the Ukrainian war getting more terrible by the day, we both feel it is safer to stay in Britain. The south coast does have a lot to explore in terms of natural beauty and things to do, so compared to most, we are relatively lucky. This week, we have started to live a little better.

On Saturday, we both took the day off to go on a bit of a ramble with friends around Rowlands Castle and Stansted House. The day was wonderfully sunny, probably the best day we have had, since summer drew to a close last year. With three dogs, we walked a rather hefty ten miles to the seventeenth century style house, through wooden grounds, still drying out from the depths of winter. As you would expect, we were all rather muddy by the end of the day.

The countryside around the house is stunning, and it felt good to take in some fresh air and enjoy a relaxing walk in the warm spring sun. Chatting with friends, a chocolate brownie or two to keep us going and at the end of our walk, a rather large slice of cake and a coffee in the grounds of the hall. I felt energised and happy to have enjoyed a change of scenery, a pleasant change from the concrete jungle I usually inhabit. Both Darrell and I need more days like this, especially now with summer knocking on the door.

Today, Darrell and I went to see my Father; I had a dentists' appointment at the BUPA clinic in Fareham, so took the opportunity to see Dad at the same time. Tooth pulled out, we went for a bite to eat (yet another slice of cake) and caught up on all the local gossip. This cake eating is getting a little habitual now and while I'm still keeping my weight firmly in check, it's not something I want to do too much; It was bloody gorgeous though, the best carrot cake I've ever tasted.

We also spent time at Titchfield Abbey, an old family friend as it were. As children, we would often walk to the old castle, a short stroll from our house. Dad and I have many happy family memories there, long summer days, picnics in the park and playing football. Yes, there was a time I kicked a ball about, though don't expect it to happen these days.

The last time we visited the old place was ten years ago, when Darrell's family stayed with us from Croatia. It has changed a lot, since I was a child, seeming much smaller than I remember, but it still holds some amazing memories for me, as does the village of Titchfield itself. I suppose the older I get, the more I appreciate the area where I grew up, and the truth is, I do miss it somewhat. In many respects, it is comforting Dad still lives locally, because it does give me the excuse to visit once in a while.

I hope to spend more time travelling through the UK this summer and enjoy all this country has to offer. With Darrell finally home, it seems like the perfect opportunity to explore the British Isles. Whilst I won't be gallivanting to distant shores, I will be revisiting old roots and hopefully seeing even more hidden treasures. I may moan about Britain more than I should, but the reality is, I can't think of anywhere better I'd like to live, certainly not in this World, full of turmoil and pain.

It's been nearly four years since I returned to the UK from Spain, and during that time I haven't stopped working. The busiest period for me was always on the weekends, especially a Saturday night. I would often go from job to job, starting early in the supermarket and finishing at midnight in the pub. Fifteen-hour days were all well and good when I was living in Britain on my own, but now Darrell is home, my busy lifestyle has had to change. No one can keep working at such a fast pace, without burning out. A few weeks ago I made the decision to stop working at the Newcome Arms on a Saturday night and the reality is, it has been just the tonic I have needed to finally relax and unwind once again.

I have found it particularly difficult to chill and take time out since arriving back home; with so much on my mind, it hasn't been easy to forget my woes, especially with Darrell being in Australia. Of course, I have never been a person to do nothing, I have to keep busy, which usually involves blogging or going out for a long walk. Having at least part of the weekend free can only be a good thing, as I finally take a step back and enjoy the time I have to myself.  I work more than enough hours to pay for Darrell and me now, and the last thing I want to do is get ready to go out and work on a bustling Saturday night.

Last weekend, for the first time in years, we went out for a meal at what has become my favourite Chinese restaurant, Yan Woo in North End. This small unassuming establishment, set back from the road, offers amazing home cooked food, in an authentic setting, The staff are always friendly and welcoming, making this a great place to unwind after a long day. It did feel good to be sat quietly talking with Darrell, as we always used to, and not having to worry about rushing home to get ready for work. This first Saturday off was a great introduction to normal life once again, and I thoroughly enjoyed being free.

I do use the word free loosely; I never felt trapped working at the Newcome, but rarely having time out on a weekend became a burden towards the end. I haven't needed to work in the pub, in a monetary sense, having enough income to survive, but it was a part of my life I enjoyed. Socially, working in a pub was a wonderful experience, especially on a Saturday, which is usually football day here in Portsmouth. Meeting some incredible people, I cherish some amazing memories, made over many years. I am also still beavering away behind the bar on a Wednesday evening, not wanting to give up bar work just yet. I want and need to keep that contact with a pub I regard as my own and a group of people I have a remarkable bond with. In time, I may decide to knock it on the head completely, but until then, I am happy to be a part of the Newcome team, looking forward to a productive year ahead!

This weekend I was able to spend time with family, going out for the day, eating lunch out and enjoying a home cooked meal in the evening. It was great to do 'normal' things on a Saturday, which I wouldn't have usually done otherwise. It is more important for me now, to have this time to myself, especially with Darrell home from Australia. As 'normal' service resumes, I hope to continue to scale back the amount of shifts I do in the coming months. By the time we approach the end of the year I want to be in a position, where I can pick and choose when I work, without pushing myself too hard. One has to remember, I have had a lot of health concerns over the last four years and after suffering from COVID recently this month, it is time to take stock and realise, life isn't just about working. It is also about spending quality time with the people I love and enjoying life once again.

It has been a little over four years since Darrell was granted his Spanish residency in December 2017, and my God, a lot has happened since. In 2017, we were very much looking forward to our new life in Gran Alacant, enjoying living on the continent and the Spanish way of life. Today in 2022, we are firmly but in many respects reluctantly committed to settling in Britain; not what we planned, but at least we are together.

Today, Darrell received his UK settlement status for a second time, after what has been the most turbulent five years in our life. Darrell was originally given 'Indefinite Leave to Remain' in 2001, but after changes to immigration law, the introduction of a new biometrics card and dramatic changes to our circumstances, he was forced to reapply for the same status yet again. Living outside Australia for nearly two years, caring for Mum, only complicated our situation further. When one adds Brexit and a Worldwide pandemic into the mix, you can see, just how precarious our situation was.

Since his return to the UK in September, we have both been living under a cloud, not knowing if he would be allowed to live here permanently or not. However, after consulting a solicitor at great expense, we were able to establish a legal basis for settlement, and he was finally given back his right of abode. It has been a long, difficult journey getting here; despite our current situation, we are both determined to make the most of our life together and forge a future at least in part based in the UK.

Being around family has been amazing over the last four years, especially whilst living through a pandemic, it has given us both a reason to stay in this part of the World. We have grown close to our cousins and family in a way we haven't before and for that reason, I couldn't be happier. There is nevertheless a profound sense of disappointment that we couldn't continue our journey in Spain, and I will forever wonder what could have been. Despite the sadness we feel, we are both well aware of just how much the World has changed over the last two years in particular, and believe our life in Spain would have been cut short in any eventuality.

Today we both have the luxury of planning for yet another new future, whether on the south coast, or further afield in Lancashire, an area we know well. Neither of us know where life will take us from now, but we are determined to make the most of the opportunities we have and hope the next five years will be a little easier than the last!