On Sunday I celebrated my half century; I am now officially old, having reached the big 50. This was not a milestone, I was looking forward to celebrating with undiluted happiness and if I could have opted out, I would have done. However, My Aunt had arranged a surprise party, and I was quite emotional when I saw the decorations in the morning. My Aunt had done something no one else has ever done before, and I was determined to enjoy the day.

Of course, COVID-19 restrictions are still in place until 17th May, so my Birthday was a rather scaled down affair, with only close family and friends invited. The regulations allowed for an outdoor gathering of no more than half a dozen, and we kept very much to those rules. My Birthday this year was a pyjama party, which made for a far more relaxing day. The kids played in the garden, I had a few beers myself and my cousins prepared a buffet, to be eaten throughout the day.

After a cooked breakfast and Bucks Fizz, I opened presents and cards that had been displayed on the kitchen table. An eclectic selection of gifts with deeply personal meaning - a silver necklace, engraved with a photograph of my long since departed cats, Lily and Precious, ornaments, pictures, jewellery and even a canvas sent by Darrell, currently in Australia. A dream catcher, UV sanitiser (Sign of the times) for my mobile phone and keys etc and a Tibetan Singing Bowl, along with Marmite and Mollie Sugden memorabilia, wine and chocolates concluded the present list. With everything reminding me of better times, my spirits were lifted, even in the face of old age.

My Aunt had also arranged a surprise visit from my oldest friend Ramona, who arrived in the late morning. It was amazing to see her, especially given the circumstances. Ramona and I have known each other for thirty years, after attending University together in Southampton, and we always have lots to talk about. She has been a particularly calming influence on me over the years and I cherish the memories I have in her company, making her appearance especially poignant.

The day would have been perfect had Darrell been with me, but circumstances are still conspiring to keep us apart. Speaking on a phone or receiving a card and gift through the post, just isn't the same, no matter how grateful I am. We have lost so much of our life together over the course of this pandemic, that I hope the ongoing damage it has caused isn't long-lasting. Both of us have had to make separate lives, far away from one another, and it is difficult to know when or if that will change. Celebrating another lockdown Birthday is yet another reminder of the terrible times we are living through, months that have left an indelible mark on all of us!

Yesterday a friend and colleague Jules invited me to his house for yet another celebration. A fellow colleague, Angela, also has their Birthday on the same day, so Jules had arranged an impromptu COVID friendly party for us both.

Currently, six people are allowed to meet outside, so six of us spent the afternoon together, drinking a bottle or two of wine and eating some nibbles, Jules had prepared.

As you would expect, conversation mainly centred around longevity and growing older, which most of us there have experience of, in spades. Reaching a milestone age, can be particularly difficult, so the day after my Birthday, was the perfect opportunity to spend time with workmates. These are the people I spend most of my time with after all, working alongside every day. Relaxing in the company of like-minded individuals is a great way to shake oneself back into reality and try to put age into some sort of perspective. No, it isn't fun getting older, but it is something all of us will experience and as long as we remain content and focused, we should manage quite well.

I have felt especially spoilt over the last few days; from seeing hardly no one at all, over the last fifteen months, to having what seemed like a constant flow of friends and family back in my life. These are people I haven't seen in a social setting for such a long time. My Aunts arranged Birthday surprise, is the first family occasion I have been a part of since the start of the pandemic, nearly a year and a half ago. Likewise, visiting my Father was another first. I haven't seen him in over six months. Then yesterday, sat in the garden with friends, an event that would have seemed impossible, just a few short weeks ago.  All of these simple pleasures, taken for granted before 2020, now circumstances to savour, hold close and relish in the new world order, we are all living through today.

I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel as we gently ease out of restrictions, next year the pandemic should be a distant memory, as I celebrate my 51st. I will nevertheless remember these last few days with fondness, as the beginning of the end of the pandemic and a return to the freedoms we once enjoyed. My 50th this year is a milestone like no other and one I will never experience again!

If there was a phrase to describe the last few days it would be 'One step closer.' Yesterday Darrell and Mum finally received their first dose of AstraZeneca vaccine at his Doctors surgery in Australia. This is great news, not only for Darrell and his Mother, but also for us.

I believe Australia has performed only about two million vaccine doses so far, out of 25.3 Million citizens; this equates to less than ten percent of the population. It is true to say that Australia have been particularly slow at administering the vaccine, but circumstances haven't always been in their favour. The European Union were quick to block shipments to the continent, when their own vaccination strategy faltered and supplies have been redirected to Papua New Guinea in order to help control a severe outbreak of COVID-19 there. Australia also has the virus pretty much under control and hasn't needed a fast  immunisation roll out, in the same way the UK and Europe have for example. Quite simply, this island nation can afford to wait a little longer than other countries and has been in no rush to ramp up its programme.

Of course their seemingly apathetic response has been a source of concern for Darrell and I. I didn't want Darrell travelling to the UK without his vaccine, so we have been very fortunate that he has been given it so early. My Mother-in-Law's terminal cancer status, was the clear factor in pushing him to the top of the vaccine list. As her full-time live in carer, he has to be fully protected, along with Mum. There was no point in  her having the first dose and Darrell not, it would have defeated the whole object. Darrell was immediately added to the list of patients who fell into the top category and prioritized at the earliest opportunity.

Speaking to Darrell this morning, he doesn't seem to have had any adverse reaction to the jab, except for the few minor symptoms you normally get after a vaccine.  With his second one due in July, he should be far more confident when flying to Britain in November. It is a weight off both our minds, and we are both thankful he has now had his first inoculation.

This may well be one step closer to us being reunited once again, but this is only just the beginning. After taking legal advice, Darrell has contacted his federal representative in the Australian Parliament, The Honourable Ken Wyatt AM MP, who will help him obtain an exemption to leave Australia in six months time. It is clear, after speaking to a legal executive, that it is unlikely, Australia will relax their travel ban any time soon. It is only with the help of politicians and other groups, that Darrell will be allowed to leave and maintain his 'Indefinite Leave to Remain' visa, here in The United Kingdom. If he fails to get that exemption, then he will quite possibly lose his right to live here, having to reapply to enter on a 'Returning Resident Visa.'

There is still a lot of hard work ahead for both of us, as we continue to navigate this new World, but with a little bit of positivity and luck, we should be reunited at some point this year, Until then, we are continuing to maintain our long distant relationship in the best way we can, looking forward to the day we see each other again

Back home in Britain, I am also one step closer to discovering what has been causing my severe back, hip and pelvic pain. Yesterday I had an appointment at Queen Alexandra Hospital in Cosham, to have a series of XRAYS done, so my Rheumatologist can determine the source of suffering. I have been waiting a long time for this appointment, just as I have to get Darrell back home, so it is yet another weight lifted. After some blood tests next week, my consultant should have as much information as he needs, to at least make some form of preliminary diagnosis.

If one was to measure just how far we have both come this week, it would be 'off the scale.' Both of us have had our first jabs, the legal process has started, to allow Darrell to travel, and I am not too far away from discovering a source of agony I have been dealing with for nearly four years. Both of us can take a little time to ourselves, breathe a sigh of relief and look forward to a more rewarding outlook, at least until the next hurdle pops up... Now is the time to focus on the end goal and not look back; the next six months will be crucial in the direction both our lives take.

It was all change today, as Britain moved out of lockdown and began to open up once again. After four months of closure, non-essential shops, hairdressers, alfresco dining and pubs can once again reopen, beginning the first tentative steps towards normality. Of course this was happening under the veil of the Duke of Edinburgh's death and the national eight days of mourning the country is currently in the midst of.

Out of respect to Prince Philip, all flags on public buildings are flying at half-mast and Portsmouth is no exception. Taking a short walk to Guildhall square over the last few days, I was pleased to see the Union Flag lowered to honour the memory of one of our countries greatest modernisers. Being a naval city, Portsmouth did have a close association with His Royal Highness and other members of the Royal Family. Guns were fired at The Hard in Portsea to mark his passing and by and large, locals are respectful and contemplative about the death of a long-standing national figure, like the Duke. You would expect nothing less from the headquarters of The Royal Navy, and I am proud to call this place home.

Things do seem rather different after the Dukes death; the period of national mourning dictates how Britain functions for the next eight days. Newsreaders and presenters wear sombre clothes, television shows reflect the mood of the country, and public services and advertising billboards give consideration to the loss of a significant member of the royal family. I was moved by a simple advertising hoarding at a bus stop in Commercial Road, marking the death of His Royal Highness, a sight mirrored throughout the city and country at large. The next eight days will be a period to remember and reflect on the life of Prince Philip, but it will also be a time to think about our own families and the loss we have all felt over the last year. There is no doubt we are all living through historic times and the death of the Queen's husband reinforces the challenges we are navigating; all of us have to find our own path through the difficulties both now and tomorrow.

The changing landscape was most noticeable today, as England's strict lockdown was lifted. I walked into the city early, to see everyone at Cancer Research, where I will be returning  soon, to once again start volunteering with Zerina, Sam and everyone else. I took a bag of unwanted clothes into the shop, and it was wonderful to finally see it open again, since its closure, the week before Christmas. The usual faces were there, beavering away behind the scenes; it felt like 'coming home,' chatting with old friends and colleagues alike.

The shop had been cleared of all its Christmas stock, that had been proudly displayed up until a few days ago. It looked refreshed and ready for customers to return once again; such a welcome sight, after an awful trading period. Some members of staff were a little apprehensive over the reopening, after only having a single jab, but most were just happy to be back making money for Cancer Research. In a few weeks, after a particularly busy time for me, I will be back in the ranks, looking forward to the months ahead.

The rest of the city centre, was less busy than I expected. There were plenty of people about, but not the huge crowds one would have expected on the first day after lockdown. There was a large queue of customers outside Primark, but it was all well-organised and good-humoured, as everyone waited patiently in line. Thankfully I wasn't going to join them for a spot of shopping, Primark just isn't my kind of shop and I could think of nothing worse than being in close quarters with the great unwashed. I hurriedly passed by, happy to avoid the eager shoppers.

The constantly changing landscape has been discernible over the last year, as we move from lockdown to opening up. The failure of 'Eat Out to Help Out,' and inevitable spread of the virus, cancelled family Christmases, the closure of public houses, communistic queuing in high streets and dystopian views, with roads free of traffic, have all contributed to a period like no other in our history. I am conscious of the tumultuous days that our now behind us, but I am apprehensive about the equally unsettled future ahead.

Walking around the high street today, in the middle of an international crisis and an eight-day period of national mourning, I was more aware than ever of my own place in the World. I am just a single person, on a planet of 7 billion, trying to survive at a time when the planet is being ravaged by a pandemic. These first small steps to freedom are just the beginning of a return to sanity and I embrace them wholeheartedly. I hope and pray this will be the last lockdown, but nothing is certain as we all do our best not to repeat the mistakes of the past!

Yesterday I was in a reflective mood, especially after the death of HRH Prince Philip. I have had time to think about the past and the future direction I want my life to take. When someone dies, in this case The Duke of Edinburgh, you are confronted by your own mortality and the reality is, I am not particularly happy reaching the milestone of fifty years old. I remember how traumatic it was, reaching forty, and I have very similar feelings today. This will also be the first year, I have celebrated a significant Birthday, without my partner by my side; this will be the most difficult of days and I would rather it wasn't happening at all!

It has been another difficult week in mine and Darrell's life, living apart, as we continue to grapple with partnership in a pandemic. We are trying to cover all possible scenarios as we near the end of his two years away from the UK. It is difficult to gage exactly what will happen when his Indefinite Leave to Remain visa has expired, but both of us have to think of the worst that can happen. Our situation isn't ideal, so as I approach my 50th year I am conscious of just how difficult life is at the moment.

Darrell and I have always celebrated our Birthdays to the fullest. For many years we would stage large parties and invite all our friends. In recent years however, especially during this pandemic, Birthdays have been rather low-key. I suppose I appreciate that, especially with Darrell being away from the UK; I am just not in the mood for celebrating, even if it is my fiftieth. Equally, reaching half a century is no mean feat. I never expected to reach this milestone; always living my life in the fast lane, experiencing everything I could, I fully expected to be dead long before now, but thus far it wasn't to be.

Recently I heard of the death of a friend from the 1990s, a carefree, happy time in my life; Peter Crossman sadly passed away after battling cancer. Peter was younger than I and I have some rather fond memories, spending time with him, during a period of discovery as I came to terms with my sexuality. Like me, Peter partied hard and enjoyed every moment of his youth. His death brought home, just how fragile all our lives are. I have experienced more deaths personally, than I care to remember and all of them young, from that 90s Generation X. These were the people I was proud to call friends and their lights will always burn brightly in my heart and in the hearts of all who knew them.

If I am truly honest, it has been a hard fifty years getting here. I never realised just how difficult my life would be and in many respects I feel old and worn out. Sick and tired of the continual battles I have to fight, I just want the next chapter to be a little more relaxing, without the stress and anxiety I feel every day. At fifty years old I should be winding down, thinking about taking a step back, but today I am working harder than I ever have, making up for the years of self-indulgence and excess; I really only have myself to blame.

Birthdays inevitably signal a time of contemplation. This year I shall be looking back towards happier times, remembering past celebrations. My current melancholic mood isn't lifting anytime soon, so anything that puts a smile on my face will help me prepare for reaching fifty years of age. I am mindful of the challenges ahead as we pass the first year of the COVID pandemic and Darrell and I try to steer our marriage from opposite sides of the World. At fifty, I have many ambitions still to fulfil and a life to live, after being on hold for far too long. I hope to spend May 9th 2021 quietly at home with family, gracefully surpassing middle age and looking forward to a productive future. The last year or so has been perplexing and bewildering, but it has given me time to realise just what is important to me now - Family, close friends, my husband Darrell and the happiness wisdom and experience brings!

A few photos from past Birthdays!

On Thursday I finally had my first vaccine administered at St James' Hospital in Portsmouth. I can't begin to describe the emotions I felt, as I drove up to the facility in the taxi. This was no ordinary vaccination hub; it was big, there were stewards everywhere directing us towards the long line of traffic taking people to the entrance. I can't actually believe how well-organised and smooth the process was; when I got out of the car, I was genuinely excited to be receiving my jab, a year on after we entered our first nationwide lockdown.

I joined the queue of people heading through a marquee towards the hospital. After showing my booking reference and National Health number, I was allowed into the ward, where I was shown to a seat and a nurse made some final checks. Jacket removed, sleeve rolled up I was given the AstraZeneca vaccine into my left arm. I have had a lot of injections over the years, most recently the Pneumonia jab, but this one felt like it went deeper and if I am honest hurt more than usual. The whole process was over in just a few minutes, and I was happy to be finally vaccinated.

There have been so many scare stories coming out of Europe in recent days, about the dangers of having the AstraZeneca vaccine. Citing blood clots as a major concern, I was initially in two minds about having it in the first place. I did however do some research of my own and discovered most of the information coming from the Continent wasn't quite as it seemed. After analysing the data, it looked like there were less blood clots recorded after the vaccine was given, than there otherwise would be. Any set of figures can be manipulated to suit an agenda; it is highly likely there was a political motive behind Europe suspending the use of the AstraZeneca vaccine.

My biggest fear was the side effects from the vaccination; everyone I knew who had it, were suffering effects to different degrees. Headaches, chills and fever were commonplace, so I was expecting something very similar. After getting home, I took a couple of paracetamol and waited for the worst to happen. To my surprise however, nothing manifested; after six hours, I was feeling the same I had all day and with an early start tomorrow I went to bed, expecting to wake up in a sweaty mess at some point during the night.

My alarm went off at 4 am, I had slept right through, not waking up once and felt good. There was still no side effects and I got ready to go to work as normal. I did have a slight ache at the front of my right thigh but nothing more. As the day went on at work, I still felt OK, maybe a little tired but otherwise alright. By the time I woke up this morning, my arm was throbbing and felt bruised all over, but everything else was perfect; no headaches, no fatigue and yet another good nights sleep. I guess I won't be suffering like some people, which is great for me. Nevertheless, my lack of symptoms has got me worried about whether my immune system is working as it should be, since this vaccine is supposed to produce some form of immune response.

Once again I did some reading, and it appears you don't have to feel ill or suffer adverse effects for the vaccine to work. It looks like I am just one of the lucky ones, who didn't get a bad reaction. It may well have something to do with my age and immune system not working as good as it once did, but then I have never had any form of after effects from any vaccine I've had; it just, just might be part of my genetic make up. Whatever the reasons, I am just glad I have had the jab and can feel confident that in a few weeks, I will be party protected from COVID-19 and by June 9th, after my second inoculation, I will be as safe as I possibly can.

It looks like we are finally reaching the beginning of the end of the pandemic. Over six hundred thousand people had the vaccine on the same day I did and for that reason, we must all celebrate. As days turn to weeks and months, I am sure we will all finally get back to normal and start once again where we left off. The vaccine roll out is such a triumph here in the UK because of the NHS and their hard work, it has nothing to do with our Government; their record is a disgrace. When future generations look back on this period in fifty, one hundred years time, they will be the ones to make the final judgement on our success or otherwise, until then we are the one's who need to continue doing what we can, to ensure all of us are protected and kept safe. The day is coming, when all of us can  breathe a sigh of relief, throw our masks to the wind and call time on Coronavirus and the devastation it has wreaked!

I had some good news finally this week; I am eligible for the COVID-19 Vaccination. After receiving a text from the NHS, I was able to book my appointment at St James Hospital in Portsmouth relatively easily. Next Thursday, approximately a year after this dreadful pandemic took hold, I will finally get my first injection, followed by a second one on the 9th June.

According to the message I received from the NHS, I have underlying health issues, that have given me priority, during the first wave of vaccinations. I do indeed have many health complications, but I'm not entirely sure which ones have allowed me to receive the jab early. My best guess is, it is a combination of all of them. I do have some kidney issues however, which were highlighted in an ultrasound I recently had. Whatever the reason, I am just glad to be having it as soon as possible. For me, this signals the beginning of the end of the virus and I can't wait to get back to normal.

Surprisingly, there are still some people who don't want the vaccine and I literally have no idea why. I mean why wouldn't you want to protect yourself and others, from the worst effects of this disease. I am baffled by anti-vaxxers and the dangerous misinformation they are peddling, to support their case. Lies and fabrication to encourage others not to have the vaccination are completely dishonest and shows a complete lack of understanding about Coronavirus. Whether these misguided individuals truly believe in the inaccuracies they encourage, or they are simply denying the facts, without any thought or comprehension as to why, I am not sure. Whatever their reasons, they are dangerous and in my opinion, we shouldn't be giving them a platform to peddle their nonsense.

The UK has vaccinated nearly 25 million people now, far more than any other comparable European nation; we should be proud of just what our NHS has achieved. Our Government failed on so many levels at the beginning of this pandemic. I have mentioned their failings many times before and don't want to do so again. What I do what to mention is just how far we have come in the last year. I really can't believe where we were a year ago, compared to today; the biggest vaccination programme in UK history underlies that. This is a country that has changed out of all proportion and whether we return to the 'old normal' is anyone's guess, but the journey all of us have been on, has completely turned our lives upside down.

I've just had a look at my old Facebook status updates on this day last year. To be honest it was scary reading them. The chatter was about the 'killer virus' and how 90 percent of us would contract it by the beginning of 2021. There was certainly a lot of anxiety in my words back then, so much so, it brings back the terrible memories twelve months ago. A lot has happened since last March, just before we headed into the first lockdown, and look where we are now. 125,000 dead, when the Government said 20,000 would be a 'good' outcome and many millions more who have suffered economically and mentally. Patients remain in intensive care, children have missed nearly a year of school, businesses have closed for good and the effects of 'Long COVID' looms large over the landscape; a medical crisis in the making!

Today we are approaching the end of lockdown number three and nearly fifty percent of the adult population are now vaccinated against COVID-19. Death rates are falling and fewer people are contracting Coronavirus. The vaccination programme that began towards the end of December 2020, has done amazingly well at protecting the nation through this terrible period. When I receive my jab next Thursday, I can breathe a slight sigh of relief, until I get my second dose. I hope this really is the beginning of the end of COVID, but none of us can be entirely sure how this traumatic time will conclude; after all, the course of the virus turned out very differently to what we expected. Let's hope all of us can get back to the way things were, hug our family and friends and finally relax again, living our lives as we would like to do. The end is in sight, lets not blow it now.... Stay safe, remain well, keep your distance and above all, HAVE YOUR JAB!

Lockdown is OVER and the shops have finally opened; today was another good day; more positivity in a topsy-turvy world. This 'feeling good' is getting rather habitual, anyone would think I'm actually enjoying myself. Well I can't say I'm relishing every aspect of my life, but I am beginning to see brightness at the end of a very long tunnel. Mercifully I can see new beginnings and the start of betting things to come. I have always been a person who feels the weight of the World on his shoulders and I carry around a lot of anxiety and stress, so when a chink of light, no matter how small or insignificant, presents itself, I tend to grasp it with everything I have.

I have a week off work at the moment and because I have been furloughed from the pub as well, I am able to spend a lot more time with my thoughts and most importantly  my writing. Blogging, discussing ideas and offloading sentiment has always been a great healer, so having more time to write, has allowed me to relax, unwind and put pen to paper, in a way I can't when I am working.  I have so much to say, I often find it difficult to express everything I need to. I say 'need' because that is exactly what I have to do; I have a desire to express myself through contention, probably to relieve the apprehensiveness I often feel, especially at this time!

I took a stroll into town to get a few items from the supermarket; I have been oven cleaning, not my favourite pastime, and wanted to get some more cleaner. The fact that I'm cleaning is in itself a good sign, it means my positive sense of well-being is returning, something I thought had deserted me for good. The truth is I had let myself go recently; feeling run down, old and alone, I was just vegetating, letting the World pass me by, wanting, hoping and wishing for my life to get better. Well my life is still the same, we are still in the middle of a pandemic, but I am at least feeling more effectual and loftier within myself and that's great.

The city centre was buzzing today, there were queues of people everywhere, desperate to go shopping after lockdown. The fact that there were so many people, understandably triggers my anxiety, but despite that, it was still good to see so many faces out and about, I felt alive again. Lockdown 2, just like the first one, has been a very lonely time. I haven't seen anyone except family or work colleagues and I have missed that social interaction, only person to person contact can bring. Hesitant and fearful about where the pandemic goes from here, I did feel relief that cities across the country were once again opening up.

I popped into Cancer Research also, just to make sure everyone was OK. They were all much the same as they were, happy to be back at work, but rather tired of the situation, like all of us. The fact that everyone was there, just like it used to be, chatting away, laughing and joking was more than enough to lift my spirits and make me feel a part of something again. The people at Cancer Research have become more than workmates, they have become close friends, people I enjoy spending time with.

Thankfully I was also able to get my hair cut, the first time I have been to a hairdresser since March this year. Admittedly it was quite an alien experience, having a trim by someone in full PPE. Sat there wearing a mask, is slightly disconcerting also,  and quite frankly, it was rather nerve-racking, but I was just happy to feel normal again, doing everyday stuff, that up until recently we had taken for granted. All of us are creatures of habit, and we just want everything to be conventional, routine and rational, the very opposite of what we are living through today.

I heard on the news this morning, that the new Pfizer vaccine has been approved in the UK and will be rolled out next month, which is even more reason to be optimistic. I do believe we have just turned a corner and this is the beginning of the end of Coronavirus; likewise I feel happier and more content in myself, and I am looking forward to living life once again. Hopefully, when I write my blog next year, I will be able to look back at this time, as the start of something truly wonderful. It will take many months to roll out the new vaccines to everyone in the UK and it is likely circumstances will remain as they are until the spring. Nevertheless, today feels different, there seems to be a sea change in attitudes; the fatigue that had set in a few weeks ago is now beginning to dissipate, as all of us begin to finally breathe a sigh of relief and look forward with hope, not back with consternation.

The Government has just announced what tiers regions will go into when the national lockdown ends on December 2nd. There was no surprise to hear that Portsmouth is going into Tier 2. This is a blow for The Newcome Arms, the local pub where I work, which will have to remain closed, probably until the spring; I'm sure all of us who work there are gutted and hope things will change soon. However, Portsmouth became an example of how not to act, in the final weeks before the lockdown, as people congregated in large groups, ignoring rules and only thought of themselves. As a city we had done so well to keep the virus levels low; a combination of frustration and fatigue has quite simply pushed us into tier two, for however long that remains!

Britain has been living under some level of restriction for quite sometime now and if I am honest, moving into tier 2 will have very little impact on my life. It does nevertheless send a signal that COVID-19 has a long way to run, before we are all out of the woods.

I have never stopped taking precautions, trying to keep safe and protect myself, but there are elements who really just don't care about others. These are the ones who have caused the problems for the rest of society, and they know exactly who they are. I see them every day, not wearing masks, unable to socially distance and disrespecting those of us who have played by the rules and done what we are told. Personally I am sick and tired of their conspiracy theories, constant whinging and lack of empathy for those who are ill or worse, dying in hospitals up and down the Country, because of people like them.

Unlike the rest of Europe in particular, our Coronavirus restrictions have not been taken seriously by the local population and police and local authorities have had little or no powers to enforce the measures in place. I saw so many people blatantly ignoring the law, yet there was very little any of us could do. Most of us just had to sit back and take the challenging behaviour and that was a terrible indictment on Britain as a nation. If we had all pulled together and worked as one, we could be back to relative normality by now, but we just couldn't. Maybe it is part of the psyche of British people or just a uniquely British trait, but we do have a problem with following the rules and that is particularly concerning at times of real national emergency, like today. All of us are to blame for where we are!

Darrell observed yet another milestone in Australia, celebrating his 48th Birthday. Again we are separated by circumstances, thousands of miles between us and a World in turmoil. As usual Darrell and I had our weekly chat about family, friends and the dreaded Coronavirus. Our lives really do seem so different at the moment, so much so I forgot to wish him a Happy Birthday, something I have never done. I don't mind telling all of you how guilty I felt and have tried to phone him since.

It is a sad fact that with our lives firmly rooted in different parts of the World, the milestones that make up our life together take a back seat. This isn't through recrimination or disinterest but pure and simply because of forgetfulness. When you don't live with someone any more, you do tend to forget the important things and that upsets me a lot.

Darrell and I always celebrated our Birthdays to the maximum. Year-on-year we would throw lavish fancy dress parties, inviting those closest to enjoy our respective days, but since our life was turned upside down in 2015, we have lost that part of who we are. The outgoing extrovert that hosted parties, was the life and soul, and never forgot an anniversary, has become old, forgetful and apathetic, and I am resentful of that fact. I detest old age and who I have become and long to travel back in time to better days, once again enjoying my life, with some truly wonderful characters.

Of course, I could witter on about me, feeling sorry for myself and bitter towards the World, but that isn't what this entry is about, it is about Darrell and his 48 years. I would like to be celebrating with him, but it just isn't possible. However, I can at least remember the' jamborees of Birthdays past' and the great times we enjoyed. Every year I would put up the Christmas Tree in time for Darrell's Birthday and fill the house with light, laughter and music. Dressing colourfully, we would party to the early hours; a tradition we continued until we left for Spain. A fridge full of beer and fully stocked cocktail cabinet, a table groaning with food and irate neighbours next door. Happy occasions that seem but a distant memory today, sat alone at home in the middle of a pandemic.

Next year will hopefully be different, the pandemic will be but a distant memory, we will have all been vaccinated and everything will be back to normal, but until then life will be very different. Talking to Darrell today, I was conscious of the memories we were no longer making together, it was a wake-up call, to fight even harder for our right to exist together as a couple, something we are well-used to having to do. Nothing is easy in this World, certainly not for us, so we just have to keep on battling, until the good times roll again!