On Saturday I went to visit Mum in Hospital, she has been in there for a while now and is awaiting a care package to be implemented before  she can be discharged. Dad has cleared out the dining room at home, which will be used to take a hospital bed and hoist, so Mum will be comfortable and finally be able to sleep in a bed and not her wheel chair as has been the case up to now.

Mum did seem a little better than usual, almost chipper, in stark contrast to the way she has been feeling. Whether that has something to do with keeping up appearances for her son or a real feeling of  contentment, is anyone's guess. Nevertheless it was good to see her upbeat and talking about the future for a change. All of us are aware of the challenges ahead, we just have to pull together as a family now, in order to give Mum the best possible life going forward.

My Aunty Carol is also in Hospital at the moment, in a private room, just down the corridor from Mum. When I arrived early on Saturday, I popped in to see her first. Uncle Terry was there and is staying with her each night. Sadly my Great Aunt has cancer and is battling everyday. A few days ago, having difficulty breathing she was taken to A&E and admitted for a series of tests. Due to the invasive nature of chemotherapy, her immune system is extremely low and prone to infection, so she has been situated away from other patients. As Uncle Terry said to me, 'she isn't really in the right ward, ' but everyone is doing their best to help my Aunt through this burdensome time, Doctors, nurses and family alike.

Aging and illness has become a constant in my life. Watching ones Mother suffer in the way she is, knowing you can't do anything to alleviate the pain, is a terrible thing. Whatever I say isn't going to change her plight. The reality is words are just words and unless they are followed up with real tangible efforts to change Mum's future, she will just continue along the same road she has been travelling. Now is the time to devise a long term plan to improve the quality of life for Mum and Dad, so they both can lead as normal existence as possible under the most strenuous of circumstances.

As we approach  2019, I am under no illusions as to the hurdles I have to overcome, to ensure Mum and Dad have the best possible care and support in their old age. The financial burden is astronomically high, but we don't have many options as a family. The Government has us over a barrel, we have to pay the costs involved or have them recouped at some stage, after my Mother and Father eventually pass away. It is likely I will receive no legacy from my parents as they intended. All their hard earned money will be used to pay for care....This is the shocking reality in Britain today. Successive Governments have neglected or ignored the dilemma of old age care in the UK, in truth the families of my Mothers generation will be left with the bills when parents eventually pass away, a terrible indictment on the uncaring society we all now live in!

Yesterday I spent Christmas Day with family and friends and my Aunts house in Portsmouth. I have not had a family Christmas for over ten years, so was looking forward to spending quality time with those closest. My Aunt has gone over the top this Christmas, as she does every year by all accounts and I was amazed by the amount of presents in the house, when I returned from a mammoth sixteen hours working on Christmas Eve. To be honest, I slept like a log and woke up at a rather respectable 8.30 am, instead of the usual 4.00 am; it was nice to finally get a decent nights shut eye.

My Aunt had been up since the early hours, cooking and preparing the house for the day ahead. I spent the morning finishing some writing and getting ready to pop around my Cousin Cerissa's home, a little over five minutes walk from where I live, where we met the rest of the family and exchanged gifts!.

The rest of the day was spent eating and drinking, opening presents and playing party games; the usual things every family does at this time of year. I did manage to phone my Mother and Father, Darrell and speak to my Aunty Margaret in Liverpool! Darrell had spent the day quietly with his Mum, who sadly at the moment, is ill. The chemotherapy is clearly taking its toll and I am glad Darrell is there with Mum at this time, she needs all the support she can get. With my Mother still in Hospital, Dad spent the day with her; not their usual Christmas, but something they will have to get used too, now they are both getting older. Finally my Aunt in Liverpool had a quick chat, updating me on family gossip, sending her love to my Mum and Dad. Phone calls to family we are unable to see in person during the festive season is important. Whether you agree with the religious connections behind Christmas or not, the one thing we can all agree upon, is the benefits of spending time with those dear to us.

I have reconnected with family over the last six months, in a way I haven't done before. Christmas was an important milestone in my relationship with the important people in my life. For the first time I took part in celebrations that only a short time ago would have been unthinkable. Today I look forward to a more positive future surrounded by family, something that has become paramount at my time of life. Wherever we are in the World, it is always good to finally come home for Christmas!

Just a short blog this evening; I haven't blogged in a while as I have been busy, busy, busy! For the past few weeks readers to 'Roaming Brit' have been publishing their Christmas thoughts, which has helped me out tremendously. Their words have struck a chord with many of you. This is the busiest time of year for me, work wise and in truth, I haven't stopped, constantly on the go. Today I have been grafting hard at Tesco, bringing home the bacon as it were. With only two days to go before Christmas, the shop has been manic, heaving with customers. I have enjoyed the adrenaline rush that comes with working in a fast paced environment, but I don't mind telling you, how tired I feel and I still have one day to go, working at Tesco from 9 am and finishing on a shift at the pub around midnight. Tomorrow is going to be an extremely full and exhausting day, once again.

Last night I was also working at The Newcome Arms, after a long shift at Tesco. Portsmouth were playing at home, so when I arrived at 5.30pm, the place was packed to the rafters with drunken football supporters. To be honest, I wasn't really in the mood for the onslaught at the bar, but after half an hour or so I soon got into the spirit of the evening, chatting and talking with the customers. As usual these days, the subject turned to my sexuality, which does seem to be the only topic of conversation for some people. I don't mind discussing my life of course, I have always been an open book, but some people's views do tend to wear a bit thin. We live in the modern World, where sexuality, race and gender are irrelevant to most people, so I don't understand why they have a problem with who I am, but clearly they do. Luckily they are in the minority, I am not in their life; they are the ones with the issues not me. In truth I don't let bigoted views get me down. Writing this blog is a fantastic way to offload my annoyances, that's the only sounding board I need!

I have been in a positive mood otherwise, looking forward to Christmas Day, although am always mindful of my Mothers current state of health, spending Christmas in Hospital. Mum is awaiting equipment to be installed in her and Dads home, a hospital bed and a hoist, so life can be a little easier for them. In between work, I have been rushing backwards and forwards to the Queen Alexandra Hospital in Portsmouth, checking on her progress; a few days ago we had a scheduled meeting with Social Services and a consultant about the way forward for Mum and Dad. They have been advised they will have to pay for carers to attend Mum up to four times a day, to ensure she is as comfortable as she can be, when she goes home. We are unsure about the exact costs involved but they could be as high as eight hundred pounds a week, significant for most people. As a family we have discussed the alternatives and will be seeking legal and financial advice as soon as we can!

My voluntary job at Cancer Research has taken a back seat for a few weeks, while I work over this festive season. I just haven't had enough hours in the day to facilitate my position at the shop. This week alone I will be working close on eighty hours and whatever spare time I have, I need to relax and chill, even for a short while, just like tonight. Rest assured I will be back with the team in January; the reality is, I enjoy my time here and regard it as a mechanism for unwinding, so am eager to get back as soon as I can.

So tomorrow, I can expect more of the same, working sixteen hours, as well as celebrating Christmas Eve. At the moment, I wouldn't have it any other way. I am, like all of our family here, looking forward to Christmas day and hoping it will be a day to remember. As January approaches, I know I will finally be able to breath a sigh of relief, until then, it's all about knuckling down and earning the pennies. Enjoy your Christmas Eve, wherever you are and whoever you are with!