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From a new life in spain, to an old life in britain, 'roaming brit' documents uncertain times!

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On 31st January 2016, my partner and I left Southampton to start a new life as Expats in Gran Alacant, on the Costa Blanca. This blog will document our journey, as we navigate the Spanish system, travelling a path untried and untested. With Brexit looming, political turmoil in Europe, and an unpredictable future, harsh decisions must be made. Illness, family bonds, and a Change of heart all make for challenging times in the life of a 'Roaming Brit!'

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2018 Year In Review - Work!

31/12/2018

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At the beginning of 2018, both Darrell and I were still living in Spain and my working life was practically non existent. I was still employed at the bar I was working for in Plaza Mayor, but my hours had been reduced down to a bare minimum and unknown to me at the time, I had been taken off contract during the less lucrative winter season. I was deeply unhappy with this side of life in Spain, where wages are low, employers generally clueless about the needs of their staff, (in my case anyway) and the long term chances of obtaining a decent job are virtually nil. The Spanish give jobs to their own kind, in stark contrast to Britain, so the only positions available are through the English speaking Expat community. This was the biggest downside for me, getting involved with the wrong person, someone who took advantage of me and others and only thought about their own self gratification. If I had worked at any of the other bars and restaurants in the area, life would have been far better, The moral of this story, is ignore the bullsh*t spouted by some unscrupulous residents and stick to those who are genuine.

When I came back to the UK, things immediately began to change for the better. I am working more today after six months in Britain, than I did during my three years in Gran Alacant. When I returned to these shores in May, I immediately set about getting a job to tide me over. My first stop was Cancer Research, not for paid employment, but to do some voluntary work, something I am very used too and always enjoy. Working with Zerina, Jo and Sam was a great introduction to English life, reconnecting with the country I left behind in 2016. Today I am still working there on a Monday and wouldn't change that for the World. I look forward to my shift and regard it as an important part of my life, giving me an important social outlet as well as helping to make money for charity. Wherever my working life takes me now, I will always have time for this fantastic organisation,.

Shortly after starting at Cancer Research I also got a job in a local pub. This is a position I enjoy and rather like my charity work, has become more of a communal conduit. Working for an English bar, has been a roller coaster ride, so different from the establishment I worked for in Spain. The Newcome is busy, has a regular clientele and is the hub of the local community. Working at LoungeD, there were very few customers, even less regulars and it was actually a very lonely place to work, some days you wouldn't see a soul. Once again, I intend to continue working for This lively public house, no matter what else I do. My time here has been an eye opener and I am lucky enough to have made some wonderful friends along the way.

My main job, the one that pays the bills is of course Tesco, a company I enjoy working for. I am employed by this large superstore along with over three hundred others and It really has a community feel about it, despite its size. Everyone has been welcoming and I felt at home from day one. Most importantly, the pay and benefits are good and I am more than able to sustain myself, a rather different story from the Spain I left behind. Large organisations like Tesco are not only successful because of their retail prowess and position in the marketplace, but also because of the way they treat staff, ensuring people like me are looked after during their working careers. They are flexible and more than willing to fit around my other commitments, which is also a bonus. I hope to continue working for Britain's largest supermarket for the foreseeable future, it suits me today at my time of life!

Finally my working life wouldn't be complete without writing. I continue to write for various publications both here and in Spain as well as producing this blog. My spare time consists of writing as often as I can, because this is the other, creative side of me, something I can express through the power of words, that makes the blood pump through my veins. This is another non negotiable side to my life that is always at the forefront of my thoughts. There are many future opportunities in the pipeline as we move towards 2019 and I am hopeful that I can expand on my writing, encompassing different aspects of my life. I am also writing a book and am half way through this process. This is not a short term vanity project but something I am happy to add to when I have the time. If it takes me a lifetime to write then so be it!

2018 has been a great working year for me and it is only going to get better in the New Year. The stagnation I lived through in Spain is now a distant memory and my old positive self is back, rejecting the negativity of the past and those whose agenda conflicted with my own. There are many downsides to living in the UK, but work isn't one of them. I have been able to establish myself firmly back into British life. Jobs are abundant here, unemployment low and opportunities many, for those who are prepared to work hard. I am happy to be home and even happier to be rebuilding a life that was put on hold for far too long!


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Hospital!

30/12/2018

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On Saturday I went to visit Mum in Hospital, she has been in there for a while now and is awaiting a care package to be implemented before  she can be discharged. Dad has cleared out the dining room at home, which will be used to take a hospital bed and hoist, so Mum will be comfortable and finally be able to sleep in a bed and not her wheel chair as has been the case up to now.

Mum did seem a little better than usual, almost chipper, in stark contrast to the way she has been feeling. Whether that has something to do with keeping up appearances for her son or a real feeling of  contentment, is anyone's guess. Nevertheless it was good to see her upbeat and talking about the future for a change. All of us are aware of the challenges ahead, we just have to pull together as a family now, in order to give Mum the best possible life going forward.

My Aunty Carol is also in Hospital at the moment, in a private room, just down the corridor from Mum. When I arrived early on Saturday, I popped in to see her first. Uncle Terry was there and is staying with her each night. Sadly my Great Aunt has cancer and is battling everyday. A few days ago, having difficulty breathing she was taken to A&E and admitted for a series of tests. Due to the invasive nature of chemotherapy, her immune system is extremely low and prone to infection, so she has been situated away from other patients. As Uncle Terry said to me, 'she isn't really in the right ward, ' but everyone is doing their best to help my Aunt through this burdensome time, Doctors, nurses and family alike.

Aging and illness has become a constant in my life. Watching ones Mother suffer in the way she is, knowing you can't do anything to alleviate the pain, is a terrible thing. Whatever I say isn't going to change her plight. The reality is words are just words and unless they are followed up with real tangible efforts to change Mum's future, she will just continue along the same road she has been travelling. Now is the time to devise a long term plan to improve the quality of life for Mum and Dad, so they both can lead as normal existence as possible under the most strenuous of circumstances.

As we approach  2019, I am under no illusions as to the hurdles I have to overcome, to ensure Mum and Dad have the best possible care and support in their old age. The financial burden is astronomically high, but we don't have many options as a family. The Government has us over a barrel, we have to pay the costs involved or have them recouped at some stage, after my Mother and Father eventually pass away. It is likely I will receive no legacy from my parents as they intended. All their hard earned money will be used to pay for care....This is the shocking reality in Britain today. Successive Governments have neglected or ignored the dilemma of old age care in the UK, in truth the families of my Mothers generation will be left with the bills when parents eventually pass away, a terrible indictment on the uncaring society we all now live in!

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2018 Year In Review - Family!

28/12/2018

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2018 has been a challenging year for me in many respects. There is much about this year that I would love to forget and move to the sidelines, but there is one aspect, that has been positive and worth all the difficulties I faced, that is of course 'family.' Reconnecting with people I haven't seen in years and establishing myself firmly back in the fold, has been a lifeline and a truly important part of 2018. Up until just a few short months ago, I had, little or no contact with relatives, but that all changed in April, when my Cousins Chris and Maria arrived in Spain for a visit.

Darrell and I spend a wonderful few days getting to my Cousin again, after so many years without contact. We had started talking through the wonders of facebook after finally biting the bullet and rekindling a relationship that frittered away thirty years ago, when I was in my teens embarking on a new life at University. As children we were never really close, but that all changed this year, messaging each other regularly and on my return to Britain, meeting up when we can. My new bond with Chris was a catalyst for contacting other members of my maternal family and today, five months after returning home, I have seen most of those I had lost contact with. Life does take us down many different paths, but as I have discovered, it is important, not to forget our roots. The people who were important in my life as a youngster, are once again prominent, paramount for me today as I approach my fifties!

When I arrived in the UK in May of this year, I moved in with my Aunt in Portsmouth, a place I have never actually lived, despite being born here in 1971. Forming new relationships with my paternal family  has been the most satisfying characteristic of my time spent in Britain so far. At the beginning of 2018, there was no family in my life, today I have more contact with relatives than I could ever dream of. Aunts, Uncles and many, many cousins all in my life on a daily basis. I have always had a connection with my Aunt, we are very similar in our outlook and also our past indiscretions, so it has been an important part of my pilgrimage, living with her. I am not sure that if I had stayed with someone else, I would have remained in the UK for as long as I have now. I do feel at home here and am enjoying  getting to know those close once again. My Aunt and I were brought together at an important juncture in both our lives, me leaving Spain and her splitting with her partner. We have both helped one another get over our different losses and have formed an enduring bond in the process.

Most importantly I have rekindled my propinquity with Mum and Dad, after becoming estranged from them many years ago. Illness and old age has determined that I stay here and be with them both, at a challenging time for all of us. Mum has been in and out of Hospital almost on a weekly basis and I have done my best to be with her and Dad when I can. As a family we have come together to discuss the future, preparing for the inevitable hurdles down the line. Equally I have seen my brother for the first time in many years and although strained at first I am looking forwards to re-establishing a link with him and his family. We will probably never be close as siblings, but we can at least begin the process of talking, listening and acting on instincts to come together for the sake of our parents. My future is for now firmly entrenched in Portsmouth and I want it to be a happy and rewarding experience; family bonds are a priority, as they probably should have been many years ago.

Finally with my partner living in Australia, caring for his ailing Mother, I am sad that we can not be together. Darrell is my family and this current journey I am travelling is all the more difficult without him. In time we will be reunited and I am sure we will make the right choices for both our futures. Having him here, living with my family is a possibility, equally me moving to Australia being close to his, is also on the cards. For now all bets are off and we are both just doing the right thing for our respective Mothers, as 2018 turns to 2019, both of us will eventually understand where our destiny lies and we can firmly make the decisions needed in order for our life to continue united again!



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Christmas Day!

26/12/2018

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Yesterday I spent Christmas Day with family and friends and my Aunts house in Portsmouth. I have not had a family Christmas for over ten years, so was looking forward to spending quality time with those closest. My Aunt has gone over the top this Christmas, as she does every year by all accounts and I was amazed by the amount of presents in the house, when I returned from a mammoth sixteen hours working on Christmas Eve. To be honest, I slept like a log and woke up at a rather respectable 8.30 am, instead of the usual 4.00 am; it was nice to finally get a decent nights shut eye.

My Aunt had been up since the early hours, cooking and preparing the house for the day ahead. I spent the morning finishing some writing and getting ready to pop around my Cousin Cerissa's home, a little over five minutes walk from where I live, where we met the rest of the family and exchanged gifts!.

The rest of the day was spent eating and drinking, opening presents and playing party games; the usual things every family does at this time of year. I did manage to phone my Mother and Father, Darrell and speak to my Aunty Margaret in Liverpool! Darrell had spent the day quietly with his Mum, who sadly at the moment, is ill. The chemotherapy is clearly taking its toll and I am glad Darrell is there with Mum at this time, she needs all the support she can get. With my Mother still in Hospital, Dad spent the day with her; not their usual Christmas, but something they will have to get used too, now they are both getting older. Finally my Aunt in Liverpool had a quick chat, updating me on family gossip, sending her love to my Mum and Dad. Phone calls to family we are unable to see in person during the festive season is important. Whether you agree with the religious connections behind Christmas or not, the one thing we can all agree upon, is the benefits of spending time with those dear to us.

I have reconnected with family over the last six months, in a way I haven't done before. Christmas was an important milestone in my relationship with the important people in my life. For the first time I took part in celebrations that only a short time ago would have been unthinkable. Today I look forward to a more positive future surrounded by family, something that has become paramount at my time of life. Wherever we are in the World, it is always good to finally come home for Christmas!
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Christmas Thoughts - My Aunt, Patricia Doe!

25/12/2018

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Starting from the two people that created and facilitated my Christmas memories – My Mum and Dad. My childhood memories, some bitter sweet, with an absent father away at sea providing for us as a family. The beautiful tree in our lounge and the wall decorations and friends popping in and out. Obviously being a child, I thought Santa did all the hard work, buying, wrapping and delivering my presents at the end of my bed and under the tree.

How to start my ‘Christmas Thoughts’ posed the question, where would I start. Then a Christmas present from my beautiful daughters gave me the focal point.
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I can state the positive, enduring traditions I used the create with my own twist, for my children and now with my Grandchildren. I am sure my own children have their positive memories from special Christmas times but as they got older, conflicts and dynamics and having their own families have changed some memories; unfortunately facts of life.

Our home has always welcomed close friends who have helped to leave enduring memories with laughter, love and at times, tears of joy.

One thing Christmas also taught me, as a Mum of four, was the stress, financial pressure and sheer hard work involved, but was priceless to see four joyous, smiling faces.

Now these faces belong to my wonderful Grandchildren, also family, some new to the Christmas table and friends; different joyous young faces. Their will be empty chairs, but those family members will be in my heart, with the hope 2019 will bring them back to celebrate the love I strive to recreate..

Please spare a thought for those that will be emotionally suffering, who for Christmas will experience mental health problems, due to sadness, loneliness and today’s stressors. We who work in acute mental health will be there over the festive period to support them,

A final thank you to my dear family, friends and to my departed Mum and Dad for making Christmas so special.


Patricia Doe
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Christmas Thoughts - Darrell Martin, my husband and partner for 23 years!

24/12/2018

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"Now don't for one second think I'm writing this because I love Christmas. Christmas is something we always would treat as extra days off to have a party or go out. I never had family in the UK so it definitely was a free chance to get over the eight weeks of "Christmas in retail" exhaustion.

Twenty years of having man flu Every Christmas makes an Australian quite bitter. But it's very different here in Australia. Only 4 weeks and I'm happy about that and more than anything I'm happy I get to spend it with my mum in her last months. I've bought presents and cards and got into the spirit a little. Please don't assume I'm born again it's just my mum made Christmas great for me as a child. I can now return the favour at a time that's crucial.

Everyone should go home for Christmas because even if you don't care for it, a close member of your life may be waiting for you to come home. Mum waited for 22 years and I refused to buy a ticket that time of the year due to being too Croatian about money. I guess these months will make up for it. I'm very lucky my best friend came to my mum every year for Xmas. I will never forget her good deeds and that is the spirit of Christmas. Don't forget.

So unfortunately I cant be with Luke this year and all our extended family in the UK. We were never really close to the family before but I can see the change coming now. Pretty sure its old age that's doing it. So I best get used to buying presents in the future cause in many ways I need family more than I ever imagined now. I get the presents thing now. Its actually just plain old polite manners. Especially if your being fed and given a bed. But you could say that about any old day couldn't you? Wishing you all a happy any old day and no loneliness xxx"



Darrell Martin

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A Manic Few Days, Before We Reach Christmas Eve!

24/12/2018

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Just a short blog this evening; I haven't blogged in a while as I have been busy, busy, busy! For the past few weeks readers to 'Roaming Brit' have been publishing their Christmas thoughts, which has helped me out tremendously. Their words have struck a chord with many of you. This is the busiest time of year for me, work wise and in truth, I haven't stopped, constantly on the go. Today I have been grafting hard at Tesco, bringing home the bacon as it were. With only two days to go before Christmas, the shop has been manic, heaving with customers. I have enjoyed the adrenaline rush that comes with working in a fast paced environment, but I don't mind telling you, how tired I feel and I still have one day to go, working at Tesco from 9 am and finishing on a shift at the pub around midnight. Tomorrow is going to be an extremely full and exhausting day, once again.

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Last night I was also working at The Newcome Arms, after a long shift at Tesco. Portsmouth were playing at home, so when I arrived at 5.30pm, the place was packed to the rafters with drunken football supporters. To be honest, I wasn't really in the mood for the onslaught at the bar, but after half an hour or so I soon got into the spirit of the evening, chatting and talking with the customers. As usual these days, the subject turned to my sexuality, which does seem to be the only topic of conversation for some people. I don't mind discussing my life of course, I have always been an open book, but some people's views do tend to wear a bit thin. We live in the modern World, where sexuality, race and gender are irrelevant to most people, so I don't understand why they have a problem with who I am, but clearly they do. Luckily they are in the minority, I am not in their life; they are the ones with the issues not me. In truth I don't let bigoted views get me down. Writing this blog is a fantastic way to offload my annoyances, that's the only sounding board I need!

I have been in a positive mood otherwise, looking forward to Christmas Day, although am always mindful of my Mothers current state of health, spending Christmas in Hospital. Mum is awaiting equipment to be installed in her and Dads home, a hospital bed and a hoist, so life can be a little easier for them. In between work, I have been rushing backwards and forwards to the Queen Alexandra Hospital in Portsmouth, checking on her progress; a few days ago we had a scheduled meeting with Social Services and a consultant about the way forward for Mum and Dad. They have been advised they will have to pay for carers to attend Mum up to four times a day, to ensure she is as comfortable as she can be, when she goes home. We are unsure about the exact costs involved but they could be as high as eight hundred pounds a week, significant for most people. As a family we have discussed the alternatives and will be seeking legal and financial advice as soon as we can!

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My voluntary job at Cancer Research has taken a back seat for a few weeks, while I work over this festive season. I just haven't had enough hours in the day to facilitate my position at the shop. This week alone I will be working close on eighty hours and whatever spare time I have, I need to relax and chill, even for a short while, just like tonight. Rest assured I will be back with the team in January; the reality is, I enjoy my time here and regard it as a mechanism for unwinding, so am eager to get back as soon as I can.

So tomorrow, I can expect more of the same, working sixteen hours, as well as celebrating Christmas Eve. At the moment, I wouldn't have it any other way. I am, like all of our family here, looking forward to Christmas day and hoping it will be a day to remember. As January approaches, I know I will finally be able to breath a sigh of relief, until then, it's all about knuckling down and earning the pennies. Enjoy your Christmas Eve, wherever you are and whoever you are with!
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Christmas Thoughts - Tash Evo!

23/12/2018

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"Stand up for what you believe in, even if you're standing alone!"






Tash Evo

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Christmas Thoughts - Amanda Wren-Grimwood!

22/12/2018

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"My Christmas thoughts?

I really thought that I would still be living in France this year. Christmas Eve would be long queues for huge boxes of oysters with French families, having a chat while the staff brought around glasses of Pineau de Charentes, an aperitif, at 10 O’clock in the morning! This year it will be different as we have just moved back to the UK and to a totally new part of the country. It has been exciting and nerve-wracking at the same time.

My boys are now adults and my eldest son has recently got married. Christmas is no longer about toys and gadgets. We exchange token presents and concentrate instead on family time for when we can get together. There’s nothing better for me than pottering in the kitchen cooking with my boys or my daughter in law. I’m not talking about buying expensive food or spending hours in the kitchen either. I’m a food blogger and I spend a lot of time developing recipes, so I will be taking some shortcuts and popping into the shops for something frozen and ready made. We do always have a free-range turkey but there won’t be a fancy way of cooking it!

My Christmas day will involve a long walk with my Weimaraners, a walk down to the pub for a few drinks and back for lunch and games for the three of us. I used to have eleven for lunch every year and regularly managed to stress myself out trying to make everything perfect for everyone. Nowadays I’m looking for any excuse to put my pyjamas on and chill out.  If anyone moans about being hungry, I direct them to the fridge!

My message to everyone would be to look after yourself this Christmas. Enjoy time with loved ones but don’t try to please everyone all the time."



Amanda Wren-Grimwood
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Christmas Thoughts - Frances Knott!

21/12/2018

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"At Christmas all roads lead to home in our hearts and parents who are no longer here. x"






Frances Knott
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    51-year-old Author and professional blogger. Expat formerly living in Gran Alacant on the Costa Blanca! Currently, residing in my adopted home of Perth, Western Australia.

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    A place to call home
    Finally, a place we can call home.  A community of like minded individuals, who used to call Britain home.  Now Spain is our choice, an altogether gentler, happier, sunnier and safer experience!
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