On Sunday I met up with Ramona, my best mate from University, for our monthly lunch date. This time we drove to The Crate and Apple Gastro pub, just down the road from the famous, Chichester Cathedral. The food was once again superb, especially dessert, the baked cheesecake, the special of the day. I was obviously a little dubious choosing the sweet course considering my IBS issues, but threw caution to the wind and gave it a go! The flavours were sensational; the fruit  and edible flowers, a perfect accompaniment with this home cooked dish. The main course was great also, although the lamb was just a little overcooked for my taste, nevertheless it was worth every penny.

We were seated by the fire in this traditional pub and once again chatted for the two hours we were there, about what we had been up to over the last month and most importantly, how we had been coping during this pandemic. Both of us have elderly parents, so have been doing our best to avoid putting them at any risk. Like me, Ramona feels it is important to keep a safe distance, until the danger has passed, but that does leave both her and I in a difficult position. Loneliness and a disconnection from loved ones has taken its toll and if I am honest, like Ramona, I am feeling more worn down by the day.

My old Uni friend has become an important part of my life, as I wrestle with the issues around Coronavirus. We both hadn't seen each other for a while, before meeting up over the last few months. We had however spoken on the phone, when COVID-19 was at its height, helping each other through a particularly difficult time in all our lives. There is definitely something very reassuring about having someone close, who you grew up with during an exceptionally enlightening time. Coming to terms with my sexuality and leaving home for the first time, was both thrilling and challenging, and I was lucky enough to share these important years with Ramona!

I have found myself reaching out to people more and more, especially now, as we approach the second wave of this pandemic and I'm not really sure why. I guess my own mortality has become a source of concern, especially after feeling so terribly ill in the spring, but it's more than that. My relationship with friends has always been strange, pushing them away more, then I invite them in. I have always been afraid of getting hurt, as I have been in the past, but I have also been a bit of a loner, preferring to spend time with my own thoughts and feelings, writing, reading and enjoying a solitary lifestyle. I had so many bad influences in my life at one stage, I had to rid myself of whole swathes of people, in order to move forwards.

Of course Ramona is one of the good guys, but I still find it difficult to trust anyone, after the turmoil I suffered at the hands of others. She has restored my faith in friendships and made me realise just how important they are now. None of us know how long we have left in this World; having a close bond with someone, for over thirty years is a rare thing, something special to be cherished and not discarded because of a misguided sense of foreboding. If this pandemic has taught me anything, it is the importance of friends, these are the people, who along with my family, have got me through these terrible painful months.

After lunch, we both took a leisurely walk, between showers to Chichester Cathedral, which was stunning. I am a deeply spiritual person, if not religious, and have always found comfort in such buildings. The place was rather empty, probably due to the pandemic and the restrictions in place, but it was the perfect venue to while away an hour, contemplating life during such a tragic period and remember those who were close and no longer with us.

It seems the church has also moved with the times; QR codes were dotted across the Cathedral, so we could donate if we wished, at the click of a button on our phone. There were also the usual social distancing measures in place, sanitizer around every corner and cleared spaces for easy access. It made a pleasant change to be away from the city and enjoying some much-needed time in the company of a friend who has always meant so much.

After a walk into the historic city and a browse around the shops, it was time to say goodbye for another month. It is days like this that keeps me going, knowing I have something to look forward to. I am lucky to have such wonderful people in my life and although we don't see each other every day, it is a blessing they are there at the end of a phone, when times get rough. The World may well have changed out of all recognition and people can't be as close as they were, but it is reassuring to know, somethings never change - the friendship we share, the similarities we convey and the memories that hold us together, will always be a part of who we are!

Over the last few months I have been gradually changing my lifestyle for many reasons. As you are all aware, I suffer with chronic IBS and have a number of underlying conditions, that probably make me more susceptible to food sensitivity. These have only been noticeable since I returned to Portsmouth from Spain and probably came to the fore, because of the changes I made to my lifestyle when I returned to the UK.

In Spain, I was an expert at living frugally. It was extremely difficult getting hold of the convenience, processed food readily available here. Of course, you could visit one of the many British supermarkets, stocking such products, but these were expensive and few and far between. It was much easier living in the same way the Spanish do and with money in short supply, I began changing my whole outlook on life.

Rather than buying British food from expensive international food aisles in Dialprix, Consum or Mercadona, I bought seasonal fruit and vegetables from the market in Gran Alacant, or the more affordable grocery stores. I chose to buy meat and other products that were on offer, pairing the ingredients for a nutritious 'cheap' alternative; cooking in bulk and freezing leftovers. This worked well for me, and I was able to live off twenty to thirty euro a week. I had graduated from the wasteful existence I had in Britain, to environmentally friendly sustainability, throwing very little away and learning to live a life more in tune with my Mother and Fathers childhood in the 1950s.

In 2020, I am living my life in similar fashion, but for very different reasons. In Spain, I had very little money to live on, so I had to readjust my lifestyle to take account of a limited income. Today I continue to cook in bulk because of the busy life I lead. Spending one day a week cooking for the next seven days, means I don't have to spend hours in the kitchen each evening, when I should be resting from long shifts at work.

My diet has also changed dramatically, since my Gastro Intestinal issues were diagnosed. I am choosing to follow a predominantly plant based diet; meat can be very difficult to digest, for me for at least, so alternatives have been a Godsend as I have tried to make my diet more IBS friendly and healthy. I have never really looked at this type of food before, let alone actually eat it, so it has been a leap into the unknown, but so far I have been pleasantly surprised by the choice out there.

As well as cooking up large pots of Quorn Stew, I am also trying out the other meat alternatives - this week, sausages, Quorn fillets and meatballs. The sausages are particularly delicious, full of flavour and better than normal sausages; yes you heard that right, I actually prefer eating them. Even the sausage rolls taste better in my humble opinion and most importantly do not have any adverse reactions with my GI issues.

However, there is a downside to all this meat free living and it is the cost. It is still far cheaper to eat animal products; if I am honest I would spend half the money I do on my weekly shop, if I could still happily enjoy it, but the truth is I can't. Eating meat is no longer compatible with my well-being and I have had to make dramatic changes to accommodate conditions that I never really knew I had.

I have discovered many foods that I can still eat - sushi, most fresh vegetables, Brie and Camembert, so at least I can still enjoy some cheese, although I no longer eat any other form of dairy. Also, I can eat most nuts, rice, cereal and my all-time favourite Marmite, which is also great for adding flavour to tofu and Quorn. I have removed all refined sugar, including cakes, chocolate and ice cream from my diet, to my absolute horror. It does seem on the surface at least, that I don't get any enjoyment from food any more and I suppose that is partly true.

All the things I used to enjoy, I can no longer eat; I can't remember the last time I had a piece of extra mature cheddar cheese, a chocolate finger, bottle of wine or tub of Ben and Jerry's, but I have found some friendly substitutes that have helped to ease the cravings. Dairy free desserts and chocolate can be quite appetising and causes me no harm whatsoever. It feels as though my body has started to heal after a lifetime of abuse and eating food that was no good for me at all.

Because of the changes I have made, I have been able to reintroduce some food that I couldn't eat just a few weeks ago. Until recently I have only been able to eat sourdough bread, but today I have reintroduced the normal, bog standard sliced loaf, which is about a third of the price and in my opinion tastes far better. I can also eat some pies and pastries, but not too much, so today I was able to buy a couple of home made pies from Zerina at Cancer Research and have had no adverse reaction; I am starting to live life again.

IBS is evolving all the time; one day I can eat one thing and on other days not, so I have to work my way around the complexities these ailments cause. I have taken my eating habits back to basics and gradually reintroduced a few items that I can now stomach once again, but it really has been hard work getting here. As someone who has always been able to eat what I want, I have found this process very difficult to deal with, but it has taught me much about myself and the nature of my body. It has shown me a way of living I have never experienced before, consequently making me feel far healthier and looking a lot trimmer than I was.

Over the last six months I have lost a stone in weight, I am walking a lot more and I have finally started to get to grips with my health, which does continue to cause me problems every day. I do feel fitter in many respects, but unravelling the pain that has been a constant in my life has been difficult. I have had to scream from the rooftops to see Doctors and Consultants, especially during this pandemic, but finally the results are beginning to show through. Exercise every morning and night is helping to ease the back pain I suffer with every day, and I am finally feeling positive and relieved, that I understand problems that have plagued my life for too long. If I have learned anything from this period, it's simply, I can change, adapt and make my life better. When I put my mind to something I can achieve all I want to. So far I'm half way there and thank God the light in finally at the end of the tunnel, helping to point the way to a more productive, satisfying and fulfilling life, without the mistakes of the past!

After another GI diagnosis last Thursday and ongoing pain, I have decided to radically change my diet. I have been feeling so sick in recent times, that this is the only course of action I feel I can take now, to try and ease my symptoms. I have so many Gastric issues, that I really am not sure what to do for the best, but I have started by removing most meat from my diet and have begun the process of transferring to a predominantly plant based diet. This sounds great on the surface and not too difficult to achieve, but when one factors in all my problems it is actually a nightmare.

Keeping meat to a minimum should help to reduce my digestive predicament. Meat is probably the hardest food to consume, for me at least, so anything that reduces this ongoing hurdle is welcome. I have also discovered I can no longer eat dairy and am possibly lactose intolerant, but will have to undergo further tests to find out for sure. Gluten is another area of concern, which seems to be eased by only eating sourdough bread. Then there is IBS, and that is the most demanding condition of all. There is so much I can't eat any more - spicy food to onions, garlic, chocolate and fatty foods, processed and sugary comestibles, curry, chilli and heavy sauces. The difficulty breaking down fat, probably has more to do with my recent diagnosis of gall stones than anything, but it is an extra element to this GI dilemma.

The hiatus hernia, also has its fair share of demands and I have had to give up alcohol, except for a very occasional drink and large portions of food, which are hard to metabolise. The hernia has caused some swallowing difficulties, so I have to chew my food longer and more thoroughly, drinking water after every mouthful; life is becoming such a chore right now. Finally, Diverticular Disease; This has its own unique set of challenges - beans, certain fruit and vegetables and any food that is fermented is detrimental to my constitution. Added together, I am living through a torment, that never seems to end.

Tonight I cooked a soya bolognaise, used celery instead of onions, peppers, mushrooms and plenty of spinach and it tasted OK, just OK. There wasn't a lot of flavour to it, so I need to find an IBS friendly spice to give it a bit of oomph in the future. I did put a few teaspoons of Marmite in, which did help, but it just had something missing. Cooking for all the conditions I have is going to be difficult, but I am determined not to give up. I'm not able to have the necessary procedures to solve my gastric contentions presently, so will continue very much in the same vein as I am now.

The COVID pandemic has only made my life harder, unable to access many of the services that would help me right now, but I hope, in time, as we move towards the post Coronavirus World, I will finally be able to get to grips with my gastric symptoms. None of these conditions are deadly, but my quality of life has been severely hampered and a determination to get back to normal is the motivation that spurs me ever onwards, every day, hoping to beat the demons that currently plague my thoughts!

Thursday, I attended an ultrasound appointment at a decidedly empty St Mary's Treatment Centre in Portsmouth. This latest consultation is yet another in a long line, as I try and get to grips with my IBS diagnosis. As a rule an IBS sufferer would not have to undergo such a series of comprehensive tests, but as I approach fifty years of age, it is important that my GP rules out anything sinister that may account for the severity of my symptoms. I have been suffering from a number of gastrointestinal issues for several years now, ever since I was prescribed a course of antibiotics to treat a particularly nasty UTI; my gut health just hasn't been the same since.

I was diagnosed with diverticular disease several years ago, after undergoing a sigmoidoscopy; I thought I finally had a diagnosis, that with careful management, would lead to a more comfortable life. Eating the right foods and other lifestyle changes, should go a long way in helping me live with the common condition. It really isn't unusual for someone of my age to suffer from this disorder; a western diet and behaviours all contribute towards the small pouches that form in the sigmoid colon, creating discomfort, occasional infection and sporadic complications. However, the pain I was experiencing, didn't conform to the stereotypical norms for this indisposition.

I decided to try and find answers, as to what exactly was going on. The Doctors constantly put my GI malaise and anxiety down to IBS, as they frequently do, when they can't find answers. To be honest it was easy to see why, I have all the classic symptoms, which do seem to be exacerbated by stress. A prescription of Mebeverine, Buscopan, probiotic pills and enzymes were given, but did little to ease the symptoms. I changed my diet, discovering by accident that I was lactose intolerant. I stopped eating normal bread, swapping to Sour Dough alternatives instead and significantly reduced my intake of fatty, sugary and spicy foods. This dramatic change has actually helped a lot, and I am no longer suffering from the extreme complications I used to experience; nevertheless, something inside was telling me there was more to this and I continued to seek answers.

Three months ago I was taken to Hospital, in the middle of this pandemic, with a suspected heart attack and was given a series of tests to determine the cause of the agony. Eventually the A&E Doctor came back to me with a Hiatal Hernia diagnosis, and I was immediately prescribed Omeprazole to help with the intense pain. The effectiveness of this drug soon waned, and I was given a twice daily dose of Lansoprazole instead, which thankfully does its job and I have little ongoing irritation and even less flare-ups than I used too. Once again, I thought I finally had the answer and hoped things would start to get back to normal; nothing could be further from the truth, and my symptoms just got worse, prompting me to insist that my GP does everything he can to get to the bottom of this saga.

It has been difficult and challenging trying to get answers during this COVID pandemic, but my surgery have been amazing at helping me try to solve this GI jigsaw. I have had blood, urine and stool tests as well as physical examinations, but am still no clearer as to what is going on. Recently, after a terrible bout of pain I filled in an online form at my surgery urging my GP to refer me for an ultrasound, a procedure I had read about online and something that could shed further light on my problems. He agreed to my request and I went for the scan on Thursday this week.

During the ultrasound, which did hurt it has to be said, the consultant discovered I had gallstones and said it was likely my gall bladder would have to be removed, as these small stones would otherwise keep coming back. She reassured me this was perfectly normal and would be carried out during keyhole surgery, stressing that you can live quite happily without the gall bladder. Again I was given yet another piece in the GI jigsaw I have been trying to put together, but whether this is the end of the matter, I very much doubt.

Because we are living through a pandemic, I am not able to have an endoscopy and further sigmoidoscopy recommended by my Doctor, so I still don't have a full picture of my circumstances. I have no idea when any operation will be scheduled, because all non-essential surgical interventions are on hold, but I am at least happier I am beginning to understand the issues, that have been affecting me over the last few years. Everyone I have spoken to and discussed my problems with, thought I was overreacting I am sure, saying my anxiety was responsible for the pain, but I know now that wasn't the case, and I was right to pursue answers. I do have IBS, but there are clearly other factors at play here; as the consultant said on Thursday, 'I will probably see a reduction in symptoms, when all the gastrointestinal problems are solved,' muddling through temporarily, until I can finally breathe happily again. Too often we are fobbed off and discouraged from seeking answers to problems, that can all to easily be defined as IBS. It is up to us to insist, scream and shout if necessary, in order to feel well and alive once again, getting the treatment we deserve and care that is so often lacking! 

I've certainly had a week of ups and downs; with face coverings now compulsory across the UK, Sunday has become my mask washing day. I actually have one for every day of the week now, understanding what most people don't, that masks should be washed or in the case of disposable ones, discarded after each use.

Like all of us, I am still trying to get used to the concept of wearing a piece of cloth in front of my face; it isn't the most comfortable of pastimes and is particularly irritating to say the least. Walking around the shop where I work, I also have to wear PPE, along with customers, which is only right. Nevertheless, there are those who refuse to conform to the 'new normal,' which can be pretty disheartening for people like me, who have to work every day. I fail to understand why people would ignore the new rules and regulations and like the vast majority of the public, I am happy to do what is right. In order to avoid a second wave, all of us have to change our lives. Putting on a face covering isn't the most difficult of tasks, when one considers those who have died during this pandemic!

On Monday it was another morning volunteering at Cancer Research, doing my best to sort out the electrical department. I haven't actually been feeling a hundred percent for the last seven days and when I woke up Monday morning I was in two minds, whether to even go in. I knew however, that just being at the shop would cheer me up and it wasn't too long before I started to feel a little better.

Having IBS can really get me down at times, and I knew on Monday that I was starting to get a flare up. Together with the hiatal hernia pain, I really wasn't feeling great at all. The worst part of a flare up is feeling that something more sinister is going on. I had also come to the end of a course antibiotics for another UTI; I guess the digestive issues I have been experiencing over the last few years have come to a head, making me feel down and depressed.

After speaking to a friend I decided to order a PSA test, to make sure my prostate was working properly. Rather than waiting for the NHS, especially during the middle of a pandemic, I obtained one privately and will take it later on today, once the antibiotics are finally out of my system.

Cancer Research is the one day of the week I can relax and unwind despite the way I feel. Today I am still feeling pretty unwell, but will force myself out of bed tomorrow and once again do the volunteering I enjoy, it's the only thing that takes my mind off my problems and being surrounded by like-minded individuals is the best tonic money can buy.

Our weekly family toast ended last Thursday, but Darrell and I are continuing to do our own toast to each other. Thursdays have brought both of us closer together, and we both feel it is important to keep that family tradition going. It does seem on the surface at least that this pandemic is winding down, but I have my doubts. The original reason for the family get together each week is still there and I have a feeling it won't be too long before we are toasting one another, in lockdown once again.

Darrell is coping remarkably well in Australia, even as the country enters winter. The infection rate, especially in the eastern states is rising dramatically, on a par with Britain, so it is a frightening time for him and his Mother, who is also doing OK under the circumstances. Thursday will always be a day for Darrell and I to get together and celebrate our years together.

Also, on Thursday My Aunt and I and the kids travelled to Hayling Island to attend a family lunch. Getting onto the Island was a bit of a nightmare as per usual, nevertheless we all had a great day spent with family, a rare thing these days. It's nice to be around lots of children, something I am not used to, but it has become a rather big part of my life. Family has become the backbone of my time back home in Portsmouth and during this devastating period, it has allowed me to form bonds I wouldn't otherwise have had the opportunity to do.

Darrell and I are looking to buy a holiday home on the island when everything returns to normal and have started looking at places near to the beach. Both of us have options open to us, whether here in the UK or abroad, but establishing a base is important as we grow older. In time, we both hope to finally settle somewhere, but I am certainly relishing my time at my Aunts and have no plans to move anywhere else quite yet. When you spend time with loved ones, you realise just who the important people are. Hopefully I will also be able to see my Father soon, when Government restrictions allow.

It has been a strange old week; more mask wearing, as we move into the next phase of the pandemic, rules and regulations to get used to and welcome contact with family adding an air of normality in this crazy World. Britain does feel a little more like it used to, but none of us can be sure what is round the corner, until then, we just carry on as normal....Have a great week y'all!

Over the last few weeks, my IBS has been extremely painful and I have been trying everything I can to elevate the symptoms. I can't tell you how many times I have adjusted my diet, introduced different supplements, removed, what I think are offending items and generally done all I can to feel better. Usually I can do something to help and by a process of elimination  can manage my symptoms quite well. Recently I just haven't been able to get to grips with the pain and if I am honest, it has been getting me down.

I suppose the throbbing I experience is worse than most; I also have Diverticulitis and a hiatus hernia to contend with, all part of a digestive nightmare, that is unrelenting; I have persistent stomach cramps every day. From the moment I wake up, until the time I go to bed, I am continuously dealing with what I can only describe as niggling discomfort. On a bad day, it will turn into full-blown agony.

Stress, worry and circumstances also play a big role in how bad or not I am feeling. As someone who suffers with anxiety, I am forever adjusting my lifestyle and way of thinking, in order to compensate for the uneasiness I have to deal with. Each of the 'minor' conditions I have, require a slightly different diet and yes that does include anxiety. I generally try to follow a low FODMAP diet, but it doesn't always work as well as one would expect. There has been times, where I have tried to introduce a new or different food into my diet and the consequences have been dire; I have literally been left doubled up in pain.

The day before yesterday was a bad day for me. I had been sick, probably due to the hernia, and I was feeling run down. I decided to phone the GP surgery. Not something I often do these days, since Coronavirus has taken priority, but the pounding was so difficult to contend with, I felt I didn't have a choice. My GP phoned back yesterday and offered me some advice, I hadn't been given before. I am guessing from the conversation we had, she also suffers with IBS, speaking very knowledgeably on the subject. After describing my symptoms, she wasn't concerned I was facing anything too bad. One of the major problems with IBS, is a sustained feeling you have something more serious, which increases anxiety and thus makes symptoms worse. She believed I was just going through a rough patch and recommended 'fasting' as a way to help with the pain.

Fasting is a way of allowing my stomach the time to calm down and deal with IBS, without having to process food at the same time. There are many nerve endings in this region of the body and people who suffer with this condition react to pain very differently to others. What may seem trivial to some, is mirrored a hundred times over in my case, which seems logical considering worry and stress (usually about things that do not matter, ) play the biggest part in reactions or rather over reactions to this disorder.

She told me I should fast for twelve, ideally fourteen hours, to let my stomach adjust itself and then introduce eating gradually, taking notice of the body's reaction to each foodstuff and adjusting my diet accordingly. So today I am fasting; I haven't eaten since 5pm yesterday and will eat tomorrow morning, leaving it as long as I can. I have never given up food willingly for any length of time, certainly not recently, so I will see how this goes. At the moment I feel hungry as hell, but my stomach feels so much better and I have little irritation and soreness. Hopefully I will be able to calm this flare up down and try to get back to a semblance of normality. Unless you suffer with IBS, you really have no idea how painful it can be; it was good to finally talk to someone who understood the difficulties I faced and thankfully gave me advice, that I have never received before - I just hope it works!

Some photographs from Sunday and today, walking in and around Portsmouth. I've been to these places before, but have done a bit more exploring than usual. I had never realised Portsmouth has so many open, green spaces. The city itself is one of the more concentrated urban areas in Britain, so to find so many parks, wooded areas, gardens and playing fields has been a bonus.

I am off for two weeks from work now and intend to do a lot more walking. Sadly I am unable to travel to any of the surrounding areas, but I am hoping there is more than enough to see in Portsmouth itself. Obviously I am still very disappointed I am not in Japan at the moment, but luckily the weather is unseasonably hot here, allowing for some much-needed sun. In truth, I haven't actually had two weeks off from work and done absolutely nothing for years, so in many respects this will be a welcome change

I am also nursing a serious bout of IBS, so having two weeks off isn't ideal. My IBS tends to flare up when I have little to do, and my mind goes into overdrive. The disappointment I am feeling today has rapidly turned into stress and anxiety, which of course exacerbates IBS symptoms. I have every pill, potion, lotion and technique possible to deal with these occasions, but presently nothing seems to be working. The worst part about dealing with it, is the fear it is something more sinister; the extra worry that gives is immeasurable.

Once again I have changed my diet, which is helping somewhat. I have had to cut out all spicy food and dairy products, which does seem to  inflame my IBS symptoms. On top of this I have diverticulitis and a hiatus hernia, all of which require very different diets. So trying to find the right balance between all these conditions can be hard, and I am just trying to play safe at all levels, just, so I don't suffer any more pain. As yet I haven't found the perfect medicine if you will and try all alternative - from prescription meds, off the shelf remedies and turmeric tea to multivitamins, lots of fibre and of course the biggie, plenty of walking and exercise.

Since I have started a more healthy regime, I have begun to feel a lot better; when I am walking I don't suffer with any pain at all. This is great for motivation and just makes me walk even more, which is what I have to do. I have always had a rather addictive personality, and I am finding all this walking quite compulsive, pushing me ever forwards in a quest for good health. This isn't something I have done before, so I am finding the weight loss rather hard to sustain, which is probably due to my age, but in time, the harder I continue, the more results I will see.

This has been a difficult time for all, as COVID-19  ravages our nation, but it has taught me the value of the simple things in life and reminded me of just how precious our time on Earth is. Coronavirus attacks the vulnerable, ill and unfit and I don't want to be its next victim, so it's more of the same for me, more walking, eating healthy and staying well. Using this period positively is something all of us should do, building strength for the future and memories that will last a lifetime!