I've had a busy day today, on my one day off this week. After a trip to the Doctors and a walk into town, I went with my Aunt to the Southsea Medical Centre, so she could get her final injections for our trip to Asia, which is approaching ever faster. My Aunt had the same immunisations as me but with one noticeable difference, an MMR jab. Recently there has been a bad outbreak of measles in South Korea and my Aunty was also given this jab in preparation for our upcoming visit. Naturally I was anxious about my own well-being when travelling to this part of the World, having not had the appropriate injection thus far!

This afternoon I phoned my surgery to ask for advise on whether or not I should have this jab done. After giving my details to the receptionist she quickly spoke to a nurse, giving me a ring back an hour later. She was concerned about the measles fare-up and suggested I attend the surgery to have the appropriate medication administered before I leave, followed by a second injection on my return to the UK.

The one thing I have discovered about this holiday to Asia, is the amount of preparation involved before leaving Britain. There are different illnesses and diseases to take account of and protect against and the expense involved can be considerable. These are factors all of us should take into consideration before we embark on expeditions to the back of beyond, something most of us do not think about until it is too late. Like my Aunt I am trying my hardest to protect myself against any eventuality, I certainly do not want to suffer the ravages of some exotic, tropical indisposition. Both of us are also well aware of the importance of purchasing the best mosquito repellent money can buy. Luckily my Aunty has travelled extensively all over the World and is well versed in the necessary precautions.

Apart from this unexpected immunisation, my Aunt, husband in Australia and I seem to be more than ready for departure now and are all  looking forward to some much needed time out. My husband and I have been apart for six months and it is important we see as much of each other as we can. It is difficult living through a long distance relationship, especially when one isn't used to it. It is also dreadfully debilitating dealing with the issues of illness that keep us both apart at this time. For these reasons, both Darrell and I need these kind of meetings, not easy when we live thousands of miles from each other. The benefits of this journey will most certainly outweigh the costs.

I have just a few bits and pieces to deal with now; last minute paperwork and a small number of items to purchase before we are due to fly. The nerves have started to kick in and I await with anticipation as we prepare to leave. The eight flights, four countries and three weeks away will be a challenge for me; I haven't been on a jaunt like this for many years, but I am looking forward to the ups and downs that we are likely to encounter along the way. The next time I blog about Asia, will be when I land on Vietnamese soil, until then normal blogging will resume!

Since returning to the UK last year, there has only been one word on peoples lips ‘Brexit.’ Everyone has a view or opinion about what Britain should do and just how we should leave the European Union. Soft Brexit, hard Brexit or no deal, just three of the options on the table and not one of them a clear choice for the powers that be.
 
The last few weeks have been a ‘car crash’ for the negotiations to leave on March 29th 2019, a date that will now pass without fanfare. The only difference to the current situation we are facing, is we really have no firm leaving date at all; all options are open. Parliament initially rejected the draft withdrawal agreement mainly because of the ‘backstop’ clause in the document. The backstop is essentially a security measure, intended to ensure there is no hard boarder between Northern and Southern Ireland, in the event that no formal trade agreement can be reached later down the line. In effect if no arrangement is agreed, Northern Ireland would remain in the Customs Union and single market, thus creating a frictionless boarder. The main objection to this clause is that Britain could still be tied to Europe, with no firm time limit on the backstop specified. For many MP’s it is unthinkable that Northern Ireland would remain within the regulatory structure of the EU, split from the rest of the United Kingdom, threatening the very fabric of the union itself.
 
Members of Parliament voted on a series of amendments to the withdrawal bill, charging Theresa May with the difficult task of renegotiating the agreement with Brussels, removing the backstop from the draft document; on top of this they have signaled their objection to a ‘No Deal Brexit,’ which seems to be at odds with the demands they are placing on the Prime Minister. The European Union have already stated they will not renegotiate the deal on the table, so it would seem we are heading for a ‘No Deal Brexit’ anyway. Europe was in no mood for compromise; Theresa May returned to Britain empty handed and had to ask Members of Parliament to vote for a second time on her original bill. Once again the proposed withdrawal agreement was scuppered and Theresa May lost for a second time.
 
When I lived in Spain, I wasn’t truly in touch with how the British felt about Brexit. I heard snippets of information, but essentially my life carried on very much in the same vein it always had. Brexit really wasn’t affecting me on a daily basis, so I just chose to ignore it. Here in the UK, you just can’t get away from the stress of this highly contentious topic. Only yesterday the news announced more job losses as a result of the instability in the UK economy and with other famous brands threatening to relocate their Head Offices and foreign nationals packing their bags in readiness to leave in a few short months, none of us are completely sure how this saga will end.

Tonight Members of The House of Commons will vote on a series of Indicative amendments, hopefully suggesting a way forward in this exhausting Brexit process. Rather than saying what they don't want, MP's are charged with expressing a view on what they do want. So far Parliament has been unable to decide how to proceed, only stating its opposition to Theresa May's deal with the EU. A consensus may well be reached tonight, or not, depending on just where politicians want to go next. Revoking Article 50, leaving with a 'no deal,' a new referendum on the withdrawal agreement or a delay to Brexit itself, just a few of the options that will be considered. Of course if no one choice emerges as the favourite, the Prime Minister is likely to once again put her deal on the table, simply because it is the only way Brexit can be delivered. Nothing is certain as politicians from all sides try and break this Brexit impasse.
 
Personally I think Parliament will support the withdrawal agreement in the end, they really don’t have a choice; in their eyes the alternative is far worse. I believe we should just walk away and get on with it, if that is what it takes then so be it; as a nation we have survived before and will do so again. Having the courage to do what is necessary is vital for the prosperity of all, we should not sign a deal at any cost. The uncertainty and instability up and down the country at present is destroying the economy, indeed the very fabric of society. It is essential the Government does all it can to finally move the debate forward, signaling its intentions to end the deadlock!

Today is yet another crucial day in the Brexit story. Every week for as long as I can remember has been a milestone in this ongoing serial drama. The twists and turns of an embattled nation has been aired for all the World to see and as we pass the original leaving day of 29 March, the waters seem muddier than ever before. It looks likely however the PM will win through, the threat of Britain not leaving the EU will be too much for Brexiteers to stomach and finally we will be able to once again forge our own way in the World. Until that day finally comes, the spectacle of a Country at war with itself will continue and there are likely to be more difficult days ahead. All of us looking on with baited breath are watching history in the making, the final chapter about to be written; what happens tonight will be pivotal for the story of our nation, as Brexit slowly, painfully comes to an end!

This morning while getting ready for work I received a text message from Darrell in Australia, telling me he missed me, words we often exchange, considering the great distance between us and our inability to say it to each other face to face. We have been living apart now for six months, as he continues to care for his ailing Mother in Australia, during her battle with terminal cancer. I miss my husband everyday and find our current circumstances difficult to endure at times. When you have to live away from the person you love, you really do feel the stresses and strains of life ten fold. Today I have to cope with life as a single man, not something I am used to, having been in a relationship since I was eighteen years old and on days like today our separation does take its toll.

I have always believed in relationships, taking a lead from my parents and their fifty two years together. I have never seen eye to eye with Mum and Dad on most things, but have always admired their sense of loyalty to one another and the love they share. Relationships do indeed have their ups and downs and like most people, Darrell and I have gone through some very rough times, that aren't over yet, as we both approach our fifties.  Unlike most people however, we have always worked through our issues. There have been many times when we could have split up, but our shared experiences and understanding for one another has allowed us to forgive and forget far more willingly. Relationships are about partnership and we have always been there for one another, no matter what the circumstances.

The limits of what we can stand as a couple has been tested in recent years and we have had to adjust our life dramatically to accommodate ever changing circumstances. Darrell is living in Australia with his Mother once again, as he did in 2016/17, when she was first diagnosed with cancer. This time I am lucky enough to be staying with family in the UK, a Godsend when I remember the challenging situation I experienced in Spain. There I lived alone, just me and my two cats; I spent seven months struggling to survive in the harsh Spanish climate, without any support at all. I miss Darrell everyday, but I can cope far better, being around those I love.

When I look back over our twenty four years as a couple I am well aware of just how much we rely on one another, even today. In the past, our life followed the same path, we had the same friends, at times the same employer and were always a pair that went out together, with friends or otherwise. Despite being surrounded by my Aunt and numerous Cousins, Mum, Dad and work colleagues on a daily basis, rarely having five minutes to myself, I essentially remain lonely and feel like I am drifting all at sea, without my right hand man. I am not enjoying this period away from my partner, I am doing what I have to, doing the right thing and doing what is expected of me at this time. Our wishes are not important right now, other people have to take priority; eventually when all this is over, we will be together once again.

None of us know what will happen in our lives, who we will meet, form relationships with and ultimately spend the rest of our lives with, but we are all well aware of the here and now. I have come to the realisation that we should all live life in the present, especially in our case. We can not make plans, because the path we are currently on is ever changing and just when we think our life is back on track, we are thrown another obstacle to overcome. I have long given up on planning for the future and will in all probability continue to struggle for the foreseeable future. For me there is no oasis on the horizon and I will just have to continue fighting to survive. I am not trying to deliberately sound downbeat but I am trying to build a sense of reality and reluctantly accept my current situation, which isn't ideal.

In one months time I will finally meet up with Darrell once again as we rondezvous in Hong Kong and together with my Aunt fly to Korea, enjoying ten days as a couple, no doubt arguing and stressing as every other couple do on holiday. It will be a welcome break for both of us navigating our way through this demanding period in both our lives. Darrell and I can briefly relax and have a little bit of quality time together, despite the pressures on us both right now. We may well be living thousands of miles apart, but the story of our partnership goes on. The bumps in the road make for a rocky ride but the thrill of exertion keeps memories alive!

On Wednesday I went to visit Mum and Dad, along with my Aunt. My parents still live in the same family home in Catisfield, where my Aunty lived before she left home at eighteen years old; this is the first time, she has returned in two decades. The bungalow they live in has changed dramatically during the years my Mother and Father have lived there, but essentially it is the same building it always was. This old place encompasses many memories for my Aunt Trisha and you could see she was thoughtful as she walked around the rooms. A home is really only a pile of bricks and mortar, but the stories it could tell, if only it could talk, would be irreplaceable. I certainly don't have the same connection to this building as I do to 'Nashe House,' where I grew up as a child, but I understand the emotions involved in that trip down memory lane, the same journey I took a few weeks ago.

Mum and Dad's life in  Catisfield is coming to an end, as they reach the end of an era. After several generations, they have finally sold their home and are looking forward to moving back to the village where my Father was born. They are moving into a purpose built complex, which has everything they need for a comfortable retirement, right on their doorstep. A cinema, restaurants, shops and extensive grounds will improve the quality of life for my parents dramatically. Friary Meadow as it is called, will not be cheap, with property prices starting at three hundred and eighty thousand pounds, but it will ensure a standard of living they are used to and give them more freedom to live life the way they want.

Mum's disability is an ongoing issue and she requires carers to help my father lift her from the hospital bed that she is now confined to. The costs of carers at Friary Meadow are much lower than the standard rate traditionally charged. Currently Mum and Dad pay twenty seven pounds an hour for a private company to help with Mum's personal care. These costs will be substantially lower at their new home  and even with large maintenance charges, financially they will be better off.

All of us have to think about our old age and save for an uncertain future. My parents are luckier than most and can afford the costs involved in long term care. Of course not everyone has that luxury. When I am Mum and Dad's age, my life will be very different; I will not have the resources to pay for my retirement. In all probability I will be working longer and will be living on less money; my future is not set in stone and I will not enjoy the security my parents enjoy.

Sitting talking to my Mother and Father, I was struck by their stoical realisation, that this is what they have to do in order to move forwards during the later stages of their life. Mum spoke fondly of the home she has lived in for 20 years; despite the emotions of their situation , she was more than happy to be moving on.

I have to admit I was strongly opposed to Mum and Dad moving to this expensive village initially, but over time have come round to the idea. When one looks at the cost of care, which can extend to fifteen hundred pounds a week, I am reassured that the six hundred pounds a month service charge they will have to pay will be well worth it. In the end what my parents decide to do is up to them and they have to put themselves first. They have both worked and saved hard all their lives and it is important for them to be happy now, especially as Mum's health continues to cause anxiety and stress for all of us who have witnessed her deterioration the last six months.

Walking around their bungalow with Dad, I was struck by the amount of personal effects they have, a life time of memories that need to be sorted and disposed of. Not having a home of my own, it will be difficult for me to take anything substantial, but I know my Aunt has agreed to store certain items until Darrell and I have somewhere more permanent to live. With my usual 'hoarder head' on I expressed a wish that they don't throw things away, only to regret it later. I only say this because of my own experience. Having moved abroad on several occasions and back to the UK, Darrell and I have had to get rid of a lot of stuff, items I wish I still had today. I am mindful of just how different our life is to my parents however and look forward to a more streamlined existence myself!

With Mum and Dads move imminent, I hope to be there to help if I can, although travelling to Asia could make that difficult. I am pleased they have found somewhere to live during their twilight years and hope it will be everything they ever wanted. The only priority I have in life is my partner and family, I would move Heaven and Earth to make sure anyone of us enjoys a secure and prosperous future. I may not always agree with my parents, but I more than understand the love they share, which in the end, is the most important factor in life. Live everyday like its your last and make every moment count!

A few months ago someone I once knew, was sentenced to life in Prison for murdering his partner. Shane Roberts (Not his real name) viciously attacked his girlfriend Marie with a baseball bat, before stabbing her in the neck with a shard of glass from a broken mirror. I was in two minds whether to write anything about this incident, but felt compelled to after the impact he had on my life and that of my friends! Initially I was going to write about this incident in December, when his sentence was announced, but felt the trauma for all those involved was too raw and left it until today, before writing these words!

Shane was introduced to me and others by a mutual friend and at first we all got on well as a group. He had a charm about him that was actually quite endearing, but on occasion, a nasty side would surface; alarm bells would ring. During this time he formed a relationship with one of my friends, who I will call Lisa; consequently she became pregnant with his child, giving birth to a lovely baby girl, who it has to be said, is a credit to her, bringing her up extremely well, away from the destructive influence of her Father.

Like Marie, this young Mum went through a difficult time, suffering abuse on a daily basis. On one occasion I witnessed him attack her and it wasn't long before these two individuals split and went their separate ways; this wasn't the end of the matter however and Shane continued to make life difficult for Lisa and others who knew her! After giving evidence to the Police, Shane was ordered to stay away, but continued to harass those who knew her best, turning up on my doorstep, pleading for help before I left to live in Spain. At the time I felt guilty about not letting him into my home, but realise now, I could have had a lucky escape.

I had very little contact with Shane after we moved abroad, but did hear from him from time to time, usually a sob story about how his life was going and how the World was against him. Lisa had also moved on, but still looked over her shoulder, wondering when he would turn up and the circle of strife would start all over again. All the while Shane continued down a reckless path, frequently arrested and spending time in jail.

When I announced I was returning to the UK on 25 May 2018, Shane was the first person I heard from, trying to arrange a meeting, wanting to see me urgently, for reasons unknown. He bombarded my mobile night and day and eventually I blocked him from social media and my phone. This isn't the course of action I would have followed in the past, always trying to do what I could to help someone who needed it most, but something told me it was the right thing at the time. I have become a very good judge of character in recent years and without exception follow my gut instinct, when deciding whether or not to remove someone from my life.

As a trained Mentor and Advocate, I was always aware of how to deal with certain individuals and used my experiences to help those unfortunate souls who had lost their way in life. Part of my skills, learned whilst working for 'Action for Children,' was my ability to listen and articulate what I had heard, in order to create a dialogue between two inherently opposed sides. I have always been a good negotiator and do my best to achieve an amicable outcome for all, without the need for confrontation and conflict. I see the good in people and want them to succeed and overcome adversity, because all of us deserve the same chances in life. Shane however pushed me to the limits of what I could reasonably do and sadly I chose to give up on him as a person. This had rarely happened in my life, but one must reasonably know when to draw the line.

When I was told what had transpired between Shane and his partner, I was shocked. I knew this guy had his problems, but didn't think for one minute he could be a murderer; although thinking logically, what does a murderer actually look and act like anyway?

Yesterday I was asked if I wanted to do some more advocacy work, with a leading British charity, something I have agreed to think about. Today I lead a very busy life and rarely have time to think, but I am always open to new challenges and understand I can make a difference to other peoples lives. There will always be people like Shane in the World, people that can't be assisted, but there are also others who may have just gone off the rails and can be encouraged to mend their ways. I often think 'what if?' in Shane's case, but am frequently reminded that he was a person who couldn't be helped in the end. Rather than beating myself up over a man who will spend the rest of his life in jail, I should be concentrating on those he left behind, the real victims and providing a voice, a shoulder to cry on and a catalyst for expression.

I hope to channel my time and energy into helping those who need it most and will likely accept an offer to become an advocate once again. The personalities and characters we meet throughout our lives are a benchmark for the future. I hope to use my experiences with Shane to push me forwards along roads I haven't travelled before. As his memory fades, new impressions will take his place and the negativity that surrounds his departure will become a positive change for the future!

It's been another productive day at Cancer Research, despite the number of photographs we take each Monday. This week I was using my new Huawei camera, which I have bought specifically for my blog. I have been looking to purchase a decent camera phone for a while now and this new Huawei Mate20 Pro is fantastic and comes highly recommended from a number of reputable sources. Blogging is a huge part of my life and investing in it is important to maximise my readership and ensure I move 'Roaming Brit' onto the next level, improving quality and allowing me to focus on my passion, photography. Once again I was able to capture some great shots from all the staff and volunteers at our Portsmouth branch!

My boss Zerina has asked me to include an appeal in today's entry, asking for readers to donate furniture to our store in Commercial Road. Our charity shop has decided to start selling larger items of furniture, something we have been doing for quite a number of weeks now and it has been going well....Very well! 

Like every charity shop, we rely on donations from the public. Already we have had some wonderful items through the front door. Only today I priced up a superb water colour, from a competent amateur artist and a lovely inlaid marquetry walnut box; two items that anyone would be proud to own. It's donations like these that show just how generous the general public is and we want to keep up the momentum.

If you are currently redecorating your home and have some household items you no longer want, please give Cancer Research a ring and we will happily pick them up. Living with the knowledge that your gift is helping to make cancer history is  truly awe-inspiring and benefits those suffering with cancer as well as the local community in which you live. As someone who also donates when I can, I can highly recommend it. Cancer has touched all our lives and its because of you, that we can continue to do the research necessary, to help patients up and down the country. All of us in Commercial Road look forward to taking your call!

Since returning to the UK, I have been concentrating on sorting my health out. Whilst living in Spain my well-being had been neglected for far too long. Now in my late forties it was important for me to start looking towards a brighter future, so returning home, has allowed me to sort out many problems that had been building for years.

Sadly in Spain, I had no access to the state health care system, having been taken off my employers payroll without my knowledge at least six months before I left for the UK. In Spain the only way I could access such services was by proving my employment. Due to my removal and payment of wages on a cash in hand basis, without wage slips, I was left helpless when trying to access the GP's surgery in Gran Alacant.  In the end I chose to pay for medical care, but the language barrier and costs involved proved too much and I just put my ailments on the back burner for a while; a decision that could have left me in a precarious position, when I should have looking after myself.

During the last six months living on the Costa Blanca, I wasn't in a good way and was suffering from a number of different problems, brought on mainly by anxiety and stress. I was prescribed blood pressure tablets and Statins and paid €250 for an MOT, just to see if there were any other issues to be concerned about, which thankfully there weren't. Nevertheless there were other concerns I was avoiding, mainly due to my cowardice and it wasn't until I returned to the UK, that I really got to grips with what was going on with my 48 year old body.

It is interesting to note that I left the UK to help improve my health, by living and working in Spain, yet left with it in a worse condition than it was two and a half years before. Spain was never really going to work for us as a couple, it is an unforgiving place; the lack of employment opportunities, income, personal issues and an employer whose behaviour was erratic and difficult, just compounded the disadvantages we faced.

Spain is a distant memory now and I am just glad to be home, dealing with complications that have been mounting for years. Like most men, I have been ignoring conditions, that could be potentially serious, for too long, until today. When I first arrived in the UK I booked to see my Doctor about a personal issue and was referred to a specialist in Portsmouth, making my first appointment in September. Subsequently I cancelled this date and four others, I suppose because of the fear of what could be found. Today I finally plucked up the courage to go to St Mary's Treatment Centre, with my Cousin to keep me company, in order to attend the day clinic and undergo an investigative procedure. Being honest, I have been worried about this surgery for months now, but I need not have been.

The Doctor and nurses put me at ease and I could even watch the operation being carried out on a television screen, all the while the surgeon describing what was going on. Although uncomfortable, I chose not to have any sedation and endured the process without any difficulty at all.

After waiting in the ward, I was given my results within ten minutes and was relieved at the findings. Yesterday I was going to die, today I was able to breathe a sigh of relief, after being prescribed a course of treatment to help ease my symptoms and live with the condition without any real trouble.

I suppose the moral of this entry today is simple....Whatever issues you may have, deal with them there and then and don't delay what essentially could be a life saving procedure. My symptoms mirrored many other serious, chronic illnesses and it was just through luck that I didn't have anything life threatening. I am so thankful I kept my appointment at St Mary's and as I approach my fifties, will no longer be avoiding the same consultations in the future. I will have to continue having checkups on a regular basis from now on but will not be delaying the inevitability of old age; next time I might not be so lucky!

A little over a week ago, I was going through my youtube account checking messages when I came across one from someone at Oxfam, the charity I used to work for four years ago. I started blogging in 2015, because of my experiences working for them. As readers to all my blogs are well aware, my role in this organisation wasn't a happy one and ended in a 'traumatic time,' causing great anxiety and stress for my partner and I. My health and state of mind suffered  and I took the decision to resign. The stories of my time are littered throughout this blog, detailing a period that I had until recently put on the back burner.

The correspondence I received was from a man called Lee, not his real name, but the alias I shall refer to him as during this entry. In one of my youtube videos, I discussed my thoughts and feelings towards the charity I used to be a part of and dedicated my life to. The video in question was taken whilst I was living in Spain, two years after I had left the UK, still dealing with the aftermath of this terrible chapter in my life.

Lee had worked for Oxfam just like me, in a different role, far higher than mine and had also suffered abuse in the same way and wanted to talk about his experiences. The one thing I have discovered from my years blogging, is it is good to offload ones problems, either through scribbling ones recollections down or chatting informally with family, friends and colleagues. For me writing has been a life saver, helping me out more than any other activity since I left Oxfam. Lee on the other hand wanted to talk to someone who had gone through the same distress and hardship as him; luckily he came across my story and we were able to chat on the phone for over an hour a few days ago.

Listening to other people, who have also suffered at Oxfam's hands has become a regular feature in my life. Even today, I get a few dozen emails a day from people either connected to Oxfam or from those who have left and restarted their lives. Lee was lucky, he chose to leave his position and follow a new career in the private sector, something he doesn't regret. Like Lee, I am happy to be working for my current employer, I feel valued and listened to, part of a team and rewarded for all my hard work, unlike the years I spent at Oxfam. I was pleased to hear another survivor was moving forwards and not letting terrible injustices get in the way of their future!

Lee and I discussed our respective encounters and the ordeal we both endured and were surprised at the similarities in our stories and the same names that kept cropping up during our conversation...The usual suspects were still running amok, unchecked and without conscience through Oxfam and people like Lee were getting badly hurt in the process. He also appealed for help on many occasions, but was sidelined, ignored and passed over, his pleas for understanding ridiculed by the very people who should have been there to help. This was indeed a similar account of life at this well known trust and one I was happy to recount again, in order to help someone else, who needs to find closure at the end of a very debilitating period.

Lee described in great detail, just what he went through, sociopathic behaviour in abundance, disgusting bullying abuses that I was very familiar with and all I could do was sympathise with this eloquent, sensitive and empathetic young man. There is very little I can do on the surface to help people like Lee, come to terms with what happened to them, but I can be there to listen and give advice, based on my experiences.  The pain we both tolerated for too long is still very raw and will never go away. It does become easier to live with what transpired at Oxfam, but it will not be possible to move on and finally forget until all those responsible for the mistreatment of me and others are finally brought to justice.

Lee decided not to go down an official route and complain to Head Office directly, he chose to walk away and doesn't regret his decision. He does however want to do something to protect his fellow colleagues from what he went through and I have encouraged him to do what he can. Contacting the Charities Commission, Oxfam's Board of Trusties and his local MP is a great starting point. The more information all of these groups have against Oxfam, the easier it will be to prosecute those who destroyed peoples lives. I wish Lee well and hope he will also consider writing for Roaming Brit in the future!

Blogging has been a powerful tool, helping me through some terribly dark days. My mood is always reflected in the words I write. Sometimes deep and dark, more often positive and looking forward, to a new and exciting chapter; cautiously making my way along this rocky road, I do what I can to make sense of my life. The biggest gift a blogger can receive is from their followers; commenting, commending, commiserating and in a few cases criticising, sparking debate. This week I heard from a reader, whose story struck a chord, taking me back to a time I thought had passed, but poignancy has dictated an old path to cross...Somethings just can't be forgotten!

After getting home from work yesterday evening, I spent half an hour downloading some music to my laptop. The process was simple and straight forward, something many of us do regularly, adding to our digital portfolio, built up over the internet, without leaving the comfort of our own home. Attaching music to our collection has never bean easier; from youtube, spotify and amazon, the number of apps and internet sites selling music has exploded in recent times. Buying our favourite tune is simpler than buying a pint of milk, yet I yearn for a past that no longer exists, a time when buying a 'record' or 'CD' was a part of growing up, a right of passage and the beginning of adulthood!

I bought my first record in the early 1980s, Karma Chameleon; I think it was about 1983 and it was as memorable then as it is now. On a Saturday afternoon, I took the bus from Thorni Avenue, where I lived in Fareham to the centre of town; it was also the first time I had been allowed out on my own at the tender age of twelve years old. I can remember the day well, so well in fact, I actually took a photograph of the bus stop. I was a budding photographer then, as I am now, documenting every aspect of my life. For me being able to get on a bus on my own was important, it finally allowed me the freedom to do what I wanted, without Mum and Dad being around. On that weekend, I was able to explore the town centre, meet friends for a drink and act in a way I had never acted before. I felt like an adult, proudly walking through Fareham precinct, head held high, looking through shop windows trying to find something to buy with my weekly pocket money!

After that weekend, there was no stopping me. Each Saturday I would make the same journey and navigate my way to 'Our Price' to look at the latest singles. Growing up in the seventies and eighties was a special time, unlike today the music charts and the top forty were an important part of teenage life and like most people, I would listen to the radio on a Sunday waiting for the latest chart positions to be announced. Along with millions of others, I would place my C90 cassette in my Bush portable recorder and tape the latest entries, playing the 'chart show' again and again throughout the week.

Together with 'Top Of The Pops' on the television, the latest hit singles were a national institution, everyone took an interest in the biggest hits of the day and it was a part of my life I look back on with fondness. Music does define an era, the way people dressed, acted and the subject matter, important at critical milestones in all of our lives. It is with regret that I now see music shops closing down on high streets across the country, because these were the places that made my generation who they are today.

Like most people I had a large collection of records and later CD's and like my peers, I no longer have these tangible objects, displayed neatly on shelves in my lounge at home. I ripped all of my CD's and recorded all of my cassette tapes to a digital format long ago and the only evidence I have of these items are lists of data on my laptop hard drive, a far cry from my huge collection amassed over many years in the 1980s. 90s and 2000s. In thirty years, the market for music has changed out of all proportion and the luxury of walking down the High Street and buying a piece of history is long gone, along with the childhood I once knew.

The changes that have occurred in all areas of society over the 36 years since I bought my first LP have been dramatic. No longer do we have record players, large HiFi systems and cassette tape players, today we have a small MP3 player, an app on a mobile phone or a file on a PC or tablet. Most people, including me don't even download songs but prefer to stream music from providers online. The way we do things today are very different to yesterday and I have my head firmly stuck in the past. I enjoyed the way things were and probably because of my age hark back to a time that I regard as better, more fulfilling and innocent. We have progressed in the World technologically, bombarded with perfect images and encouraged to buy the latest fashions or subscribe to the latest youtube sensation, that mirrors all those before, we have become part of a generic, banal World, where everything, including music and musicians just look and sound the same. I miss the old days and will do everything I can to keep them alive, as part of this blog. Next time you download a song, maybe think about popping into your local music shop buying a CD and doing what you can to keep the last vestiges of this industry alive. Without your support it wont be long before the final music shop closes and another block of flats is built in its place...Is that what you really want?