I've blogged very little about the Ukraine war in recent days, preferring to concentrate on more positive aspects of my own life. Despite this,  my emotions have been tested over the last week especially, as more and more atrocities are uncovered in Ukraine. Russian forces have been leaving most parts of the country, in order to concentrate on taking over the south, in particular, the Donbass province. The destruction left behind in Northern Ukraine has been harrowing to see, as news coverage details the carnage unleashed on the region. The brutality of Russian forces is as clear as day, for the whole World to see. Russia has gone rogue and no one is sure just how this disaster will end.

As a rule, I am a pacifist, always preferring a negotiated settlement over war. The conflict in Ukraine, however, has made me reevaluate everything I believe in. The stories of innocent victims butchered in their own homes, young girls raped in front of their families and elderly, vulnerable people sheltering in dark basements have shaken me to the core. This war may well be Putin's, but those fighting it in his name, are no better than him. The soldiers are evil in every sense of the word, and I still can't believe the vast majority of the Russian public are supporting this needless charade. If the World does finally return to normal, the citizens of Russia will have to understand the part they played in this genocide and live with the murder of innocents on their hands forever.

Sadly, I have had a few encounters with others, who have criticised my support for Ukraine. Now, you really don't have to be an expert to understand where the aggression is coming from. Ukraine didn't ask for this war, until a couple of months ago, this peaceful nation was carrying on as normal, a modern democracy in the heart of Europe. Today it is on the verge of collapse, bombarded daily, shattered lives littering its war torn streets.

I constantly read about the ongoing war, keeping myself updated on events in Eastern Europe. Nevertheless, I have turned off the news on my television, only watching it when I need to, usually just once a day. For all the horrors unfolding, there is only so much I can take psychologically. As a human being I feel deeply disturbed by what is happening in Europe and my own mental health also remains a concern. I have always been an empathetic individual, feeling other's pain far more than my own, so this tragic war has just highlighted the darkness that overwhelms my thoughts on a daily basis. As cruel as it seems, as guilty as I feel, I just need to switch off from time to time.

I suppose I find it very difficult to comprehend how a whole nation of individuals can turn away from their friends and neighbours in Ukraine and believe the propaganda touted by Russian state media. I am speaking as someone living in a democratic country with a free press, so my understanding of totalitarian regimes is rather limited. In the digital age we live in, one would expect everyone, even in a fascist state like Russia, to have access to balanced, unbiased news, but of course that may not be the case for the majority of the population. People can't or do not want to believe the wickedness committed in their name is wrong. They truly think they are fighting against Nazis, when actually the opposite is true. Russia is the aggressor, the Nazis are Russian and the aggression is coming from one man, President Vladimir Putin.

I have always had a strong belief in the power of people and their ability to overcome any struggle, no matter how bad things get. Even in the most terrible of times, where it is difficult to see past the catastrophe unfolding, the strength, and character of humanity to overcome adversity is heartening. I do have enormous faith in the Russian public, to finally stand up against Putin and the murderers that surround him. With help and support, they can and will topple this dictator, like every other despot before him. It is of course right and just to criticise Russia as a whole for what is unfolding in Ukraine, all of them must take responsibility for what is transpiring. It is also necessary to enlighten and encourage all Russians to rise up and fight against a dictator whose time is up.

I remain hopeful that this war in Ukraine will signal the end of President Putin. It will not happen anytime soon, as the war rages on. The fate of the World remains with Russians and their extraordinary abilities to channel their defensive spirit, in ridding themselves of one of the worst tyrants in modern times. Stand with your Ukrainian Brothers, don't accept what you are told as true; believe in the power of humanity, against oppression, persecution, and the lies of the few!

Whatever television station you watch or newspaper you read, you can't fail to avoid the emerging 'cost of living crisis' unfolding before our very eyes. I can't remember a time when I have been so aware of rising prices, soaring inflation and dramatic hikes in the cost of utility bills. Using the word 'crisis' has been criticised for its dramatic, frightening cogitations, but when one looks at the economic uncertainty across the globe, it is clear this is appropriate for the times we are living though. These are momentous months for many reasons, not just the cost of living, but when looks at the different factors at play in this 'new World order,' it is clear there has been a significant shift, creating the most unstable economic conditions for over forty years or more. These are difficult days for everyone, and we need to understand just how serious this situation is. This isn't something that can be solved quickly, all of us will have to battle to keep our heads above water.

The seeds of this current crisis were sown in 2016, after Britain voted to leave the European Union. No one really expected the UK to remain the economic power house it was after we voted to leave, and if they did, they were seriously deluded. I was someone who envisaged a time of upheaval and hardship, but like most people, I believed it would be a temporary blip, and we would overcome the problems relatively quickly. Brits are a hardy bunch, and we have lived through worse periods in history. With fortitude, faith, and backbone, it wouldn't be too long before we were back on track again.

At the time of the vote, I was living in Spain with Darrell. We lived a relatively frugal existence; with my husband flying back to Australia regularly, I learnt to live on a small budget of 30 Euro a week. Life was hard, but the sun was shining and life was good. I loved my new Spanish home and believed I would remain an expat for many years to come.

Of course nothing lasts forever and in 2018 I moved back to the UK for family reasons, as Darrell continued to commute From Europe to Australia, caring for his Mother after her cancer diagnosis. These were arduous years for us, as we tried to restructure our  life to suit our changing circumstances. Darrell would fly to Britain when he could, and I would travel to Asia once a year; it was an arrangement that worked well until the pandemic crashed head long into all our lives in 2020.

The biggest factor in the current 'cost of living crisis is of course COVID-19. The money spent by Governments all over the World propping up ailing economies throughout the worst of this virus was huge, unlike anything any of us had ever seen. Locking down a country isn't a cheap option. The British Government alone spent hundreds of billions of pounds paying staff to stay at home, as businesses remained closed for months on end. Even I was paid a wage, even though the pub where I worked was closed. At the time it was great, but all that money has to eventually be paid back.

The pandemic still rages on, although as a nation, Britain is learning to live with it. It is unlikely we will ever be locked down again, but we will be living with the consequences of COVID for many years to come. The vast sums spent keeping families afloat, while they languished at home is shocking to contemplate, but the hangover from this strange period is only just beginning today, two years later. After Brexit, no one expected a public health crisis, and the British economy has suffered untold amounts of damage. Through mismanagement, waste of public money and falling tax receipts, it was only a matter of time before we started to feel the pinch; from 1 April that process of 'paying back' began.

They say bad things come in threes, well there is yet another catastrophe looming on the horizon, with war in Europe looking ever more likely! After Brexit and a global pandemic, the World is now on the brink of World War III, as Russia invades Ukraine. Yet another disaster of incalculable magnitude, after a series of bad choices and unforeseen circumstances; conflict is now unfolding on the continent, as the daily news reports, uncompromising rhetoric and threats from Russian President, Vladimir Putin become increasingly worrying and venomous. The death and destruction, economic sanctions and refugee crisis has started to reverberate across the planet; all of us have begun to suffer the knock on effects of the war in Ukraine.

The cost of everything is going up. As the fighting intensifies, oil prices have skyrocketed, causing massive increases in the cost of oil. Gas, electric, and petrol are all significantly higher than they were and people, already feeling strapped for cash, are now feeling the squeeze tightened further. Inflation is creeping up and looks likely to top ten percent by the end of the year. As sure as night follows day, interest rates will undoubtedly rise, causing a drastic increase in mortgages. Food prices are exploding; as someone who shops in a supermarket daily, I am well aware of the increases. The new European war has curtailed the flow of trade between Ukraine and the rest of the World, making resources scarcer. The breadbasket of Europe is no longer exporting wheat, and the rest of us will have to pay sharply more for a loaf of bread and other products once transported from Ukraine.

I am well aware of the cost of the things I buy; I have seen my shopping bill nearly double since the pandemic, and it isn't going to change anytime soon. When the price cap on gas and electric was abandoned yesterday, utility bills rose by 54% immediately. I am luckier than most, because I do not pay bills where I am living, but will contribute more in other ways, helping to alleviate the costs involved. With higher tax and many of the measures introduced during the pandemic coming to an end, ordinary people are feeling the economic pressure. The cost of living crisis is causing the biggest drain on incomes since the 1950s, and none of us are fully aware of the consequences of circumstances, that are compounding the intensity of this dangerous crossroads. Whether or not families survive the next few years very much depends on the different factors at play. The biggest concern for everyone now is the Ukrainian war and just how long it goes on for, affecting all our lives.

For now, Darrell and I are fine. However, we don't have a home to keep and can save money relatively easily. My goals and aspirations still remain on track, with the possibility of early retirement in four years time, funding a new life in Portugal or somewhere a little more conventional. My future plans are very dependent on how well my pension does and my scope to save the maximum amount of money in order to buy a home. I can only rely on my own frugal abilities, rather like I did when I lived in Spain, but ultimately remain at the mercy of events beyond my control. As usual, being the realist I am, I expect the worst but hope for the best; lets pray the World returns to normal soon and all of us can finally breathe a sigh of relief, restarting where we left off in 2019!

Today is a better day than yesterday, but I am still suffering from low mood. On Saturday night, Darrell and I went for a bite to eat, just trying to put our thoughts in a more positive place. It was good to get out and enjoy some much needed 'us' time, but still, at the back of my mind, the growing war in Europe isn't far from my thoughts. I understand just how fed up people must be, as I mention the war for the umpteenth time, but I really just need to hear the words 'everything will be alright.' Unsurprisingly, I don't hear them, because like me, the people I have spoken to, are equally horrified, witnessing this senseless war in Ukraine.

I have stopped watching the news so much now, and I am sticking to only catching up on events in Ukraine once or twice a day. It has done much for my state of mind, and I am not as tense as I was. However, the headlines remain horrific; the human cost of this war is all too clear, and the scenes played out on our television screens are beyond words. Only today, as I watched 'Good Morning Britain,' I heard that the pregnant woman, brought out on a stretcher, after a maternity hospital was bombed in Mariupol, had died from her injuries, along with her unborn child. This was another stomach churning and tearful event that shook me to the core. I can not understand why this is being allowed to happen in 2022.

As one would expect, I have been more than vocal in my views online, and in my opinion, rightly so. It is up to you and I to speak up for people who have no voice right now, and I am in no mood for listening to the so-called Russian side of the story. There is absolutely no reason for this war, and anyone trying to justify this attack needs to give themselves a shake. Innocent people are dying, the cultural and historical heritage of this beautiful country are being obliterated, because of one mad man's quest to invade his neighbour. I have had row upon row with people about their warped sense of reality, as a sovereign nation is systematically wiped from the map of Europe, without a thought for the mounting lives lost. Evil does exist and is thriving in The Kremlin; it is up to us to stand up and be counted.

Russia has banned many social media platforms in the country, and it has become increasingly difficult getting a message of hope across to the Russian people. Many Russians I had been in contact with are no longer online, and that is a shame. Putin's regime has begun the process of retreating behind a new 'Iron curtain' and returning to its rogue status of old. I can vaguely recollect being taught about the old Cold War in school, beginning with that inimitable quote from Churchill, after World War II in March 1946; 'From Stettin in the Baltic to Trieste in the Adriatic, an Iron Curtain has descended across the continent.' Remembering the dark days of the Cold War, I am mindful of the literature sent through the post, documenting what we should do in the event of a nuclear war. I recall the separation of families in East and West Berlin and the eventual fall of the Berlin Wall in 1989, the pivotal event that finally saw the beginning of the end of Communism. Never did I think we would be here again, at this juncture, closer to World War III than we ever have been before.

The World is once again a more dangerous place than it was just a few weeks ago, and President Putin shows no sign of stopping his rampage across Ukraine. Peace talks are ongoing, and there have been some more positive noises coming from the negotiations, but the reality is, we are all in for a particularly torrid, tense and unpredictable time; the World has changed dramatically overnight and none of us know how this will end. I can't stop thinking about those poor souls who have lost their lives and the millions of others hiding in shelters under war torn streets. I want to end this entry today by expressing my hope for the future, but in reality I can't. A realist first, I believe this war has a long way to run, involving many more lives sent hurtling into the theatre of war.

This is another blog entry, I have been in two minds about writing, mainly because of the way I am feeling, after the Russian invasion of Ukraine. I am from a generation who understands just how bad the last Cold War was and, consequently, just how close to World War III we have come in the past.

Last Sunday I spoke to my Father on the telephone; during our weekly chat the both of us generally talk about politics, so this week has been no exception. I explained my concerns to Dad, who, at fourteen years old, was able to remember the Cuban Missile Crisis in 1962. After thinking for a moment, he explained, in that 'Dad voice' I remember from childhood, that everything would be alright and told me I shouldn't worry. According to my Father, the nuclear deterrent would stop both sides from annihilating each other in a third World war, and he had faith negotiations would prevail.  As for me, well, I'm not so sure!

The two photographs above illustrates just how little we have learnt from nearly eighty years of peace. The top picture, shows a Father waving goodbye to his child, as he stays behind in Kyiv to fight the Russian invaders in 2022. Below, an American soldier, similarly waves farewell to his infant son, as he leaves for Europe to fight during the Second World War; photographs taken eight decades apart, but in very similar circumstances. Why the hell are we still fighting wars? Putin is no different to Hitler. The situation today is so similar it is uncanny; an autocratic leader invades his neighbour to protect his citizens. Ring any bells? History is indeed repeating itself!

As a natural worrier, I have never been so anxious, as I have been this past week. I have been making my voice heard on social media, and many friends and colleagues have been less than impressed. Preferring to block out what is happening in Ukraine, they have deleted me from their Facebook. In truth, I couldn't care less, if I have an opinion, I will voice it. I am so upset by the extreme scenes of suffering in Ukraine, that I feel I have to speak up, as all of us should. If people want to bury their head in the sand, then so be it, I am just not one of them.

Of course, I am also afraid of the future. Putin has already threatened to use nuclear weapons, and all of us should be aware of what could happen, just as we were during the Cold War. With the war not going to plan in Ukraine, I can see a situation when President Putin's anger supersedes rational judgement, and he does consider pressing the button. He is totally unhinged at the moment, according to most sources I have read, and this makes him a danger to the World. There is nothing I can personally do about this crisis, so with no control, I am feeling backed into a corner and, like everyone else, just waiting to see what happens next; these are indeed anxious days. Some of us show it more than others, and I feel it difficult to function normally under these extreme circumstances. I remember during the Falklands War in the early 1980s, I felt exactly the same and was never able to handle the fear I felt every day. I am a peacemaker, not a warmonger, it conflicts with my sense of wellbeing.

The horrific scenes in Ukraine have been heart-wrenching and disturbing. I am not a person who often cries, but I really have shed tears over the last week. The Russians have intensified their attack on the people of Ukraine and the human cost is mounting. People are dying unnecessarily, in a war they don't understand. None of us are clear as to why there is fighting. This is Putin's war, not Russia's or the Russian peoples.

Listening to the despair, as refugees reach the Polish, Moldovan and other borders in the West, it is clear just how much damage this illegal war is causing. Structurally, homes, businesses, hospitals, and infrastructure has been destroyed at an alarming rate. Yesterday even a nuclear power Station, the largest in Europe, was attacked, in a senseless, dangerous act, by Russian forces. So far, a million and a half people have left Ukraine with just a single bag. Old, vulnerable, young children, Mothers, and their family pets are crossing into other countries, trying to shelter from the war further East. As a result, the humanitarian crisis is getting worse and all of us have to do what we can to help.

At work, we have been collecting essential items for a local school to be sent out to the victims of this disaster. We are always a great bunch of people during testing times, as we were during the pandemic, and everyone is pulling together to collect and donate items to the poor people of Ukraine. Items are being stored at the Customer Service desk where I work, and it has been emotional seeing just how much people care. Spending up to a hundred pounds per person, colleagues are rising to the challenge and doing what good people do. None of us understand why Ukraine is being attacked, least of all civilians, indiscriminately bombed by an aggressive, advancing Russian force. I pray this ends soon, before this conflict spirals completely out of control.

With the World once again in turmoil, it was wonderful to see an old friend this week. Stephen was spending a few days in the South, after his Mother sadly passed away. I have known Ste for nearly thirty years, and he was one of the last people I saw before I left for Spain in 2018, which is actually the last time I saw him. Like me, he is extremely politically motivated and as well as catching up, we also discussed the state of the World. It does help to chat with other people, at least it does for me, because it allows me to get feelings and emotions off my chest.

Having been in the RAF, Stephen was able to reassure me, rather like my Father did, but like me, is aghast at just what is happening in Ukraine. None of us have had it good over the last few years and Ste has suffered more than most, but neither of us could have predicted the events of today, following the worst pandemic in over a hundred years. I think like most people, we just feel tired and exhausted of the constant difficulties, pressure, and chaos that feels all consuming at the moment. The fact I saw an old friendly face, does at least pull me back to reality for a bit and make me realise just what is important. The World may well be in a mess, but at least I have some uniquely special people around me, reassuring me, how great life can be. Friendships make the journey so much easier, and just as we have done so many times before, create a conduit for conversation, that our leaders could learn from themselves.

Whatever happens next, it is encouraging to know we are all in this together. The dark thoughts I have and not specific to me, they are a broader acknowledgement of the failure of leadership and the beginning of a new chapter in life, that is likely to be bumpier than before. With the support of all those around us, we will survive the oncoming pain, concentrating our efforts on the people who need it, remaining steadfast, resolute and sane.

It has been nearly eighty years since the end of the Second World War and during that time, Europe has enjoyed relative peace, free from conflict and tyrannical dictators, that really defined the last century. I suppose my generation was the first to enjoy life, without the prospect of having to go to war. On Thursday 24 February 2022, all that calm and tranquillity was shattered, as one man's dream, to build an empire after the fall of the Soviet Union, came to fruition. The increasingly dictatorial President Putin of Russia, invaded his neighbour Ukraine and began a fight to restore the old communist satellite states to Russian control; while the World was distracted, Putin prepared for invasion on a scale that no one has seen since the 1930s.

I am like everyone, every sane, normal person that is; I am appalled and shocked by the blatant criminal act against a sovereign state. This is 2022 for God’s sake, have we really learnt nothing over the last eight decades; we are at a terrible crossroads in history, that none of us thought possible. The evil dictator in Russia has crossed a line, and it feels like there is no going back. Once you let the beast out of its box, it's very difficult to put it safely back in. This tyrant has unleashed a war on the continent that could be the catalyst for something far worse, the consequences of which, don't bare thinking about. There are never any winners in armed conflict, just the casualties left behind; lives broken, homes and livelihoods destroyed and a nation in mourning for its dead. I don't mind admitting, I cried on the day I heard the news and I have a feeling, many more tears will yet be shed!

It feels that Putin has taken advantage of a terrible situation and used it to prepare for war. I am of course talking about the pandemic. While countries fought hard to save their citizens during the worldwide Coronavirus outbreak of 2020-2022, this psychopathic mad man spent the time building up resources, capital and military supplies, in order to unleash his inhuman fighting machine on Ukraine. In some respects you could almost, yes almost believe, that the last two years were a smoke screen, staged by communist China as a catalyst for the ushering in of the new World order. One has to remember just how much nations were preoccupied with COVID-19; yes, they did take their eye off the ball and didn't think for one minute that Russia would launch an attack in the heart of Europe. Of course this is just speculation and whatever the circumstances behind this new war, the fact is, the west allowed it to happen, and the consequences will live with us for generations to come.

Watching the scenes unfold from Ukraine on our television screens, I was as shocked as anyone at what I was witnessing. The sirens sounding across the city of Kyiv, people running for cover to underground shelters in the city's metro system, echoing the scenes from London during the Blitz in the 1940s, a bygone era. Cruise missile hitting civilian areas, blocks of flats and refugees heading west on trains out of urban areas. Carrying a few belongings, children in hand, pets in carry cases with a single suitcase would not have looked out of place in Hitlers Germany, as Jews were transported to concentration camps. The emotions I feel now, as I write this, are real and bring yet more tears to my eyes; this is a war like no other and a fight all of us will have to endure.

These last few years have been traumatic for all of us living through the pandemic. We have all had to make sacrifices for the greater good of our friends and neighbours, each of us protecting one another living through lockdowns, restrictions and draconian measures, designed to stem the tide of COVID-19. As we move out of this terrible period in history, it seems we are now entering yet another even more agonizing, anxiety inducing time, with the beginnings of a European war. These dangerous days herald the start of what could be a World destroying event, that will result in catastrophic loss of life and the end of our planet as we know it. This is probably the most perilous period in modern history, and none of us know where it will end.

My biggest fear is a wider world war, as Russia crosses the boarder into NATO territory. Part of the NATO charter states that any action against one NATO nation will result in a swift, decisive action against Russia from the other NATO members. If President Putin is as mad as we are told, then he will not think twice about launching attacks against other states bordering Russia. The word unhinged is being used to describe this egotistical maniac, and after the events of the last few days, it is easy to see why. The attack on Ukraine has clearly been planned for a long time and constitutes war crimes not seen in Europe since the late 1990s. With his finger firmly on the nuclear trigger, Putin could single-handedly destroy the World whenever he wants. This would of course be a worse case scenario, but alarm bells are already ringing. Mr Putin wants the old USSR back, and it seems he will stop at nothing to achieve it.

These are indeed dark days for the World, as all of us hold our breath. Sadly I don't have a crystal ball, but I am aware of my own anxiety and that of friends, family and colleagues. The next few weeks and months are going to get bumpy; I am scared for the future, but just like I did in the pandemic, I will carry on, doing what I have to, to survive. At the moment there is no hint of what's to come, so like the rest of the World, I pray for a positive outcome and continue to look forward to a future that may or may not exist. All of us have to do our best to support our Ukrainian friends, donate to charities in the region and keep the message of hope alive. At this fork in the road, it's time to stand up and be counted, don't bury your head in the sand, wake up to what's happening on our doorstep. Evil exists in the World, it's time to confront it head on!

With Storm Eunice causing havoc across the UK today, I have decided to stay inside with Darrell. Each year I have a 'personal day,' time off from work, over and above my normal holiday, and it just so happened to fall on the day, the biggest storm in a generation hit the south coast of England. To be honest, it has just given me the opportunity to relax, chill and take some much-needed time for myself. I am mindful of just how bad this storm could be, however. Looking outside the window, the strong winds are clear to see; rubbish and debris is blowing in the air during strong gusts and walls and fences have collapsed in the street.

Sitting, reflecting on today's storm force winds, I am left wondering just what is going on, in this chaotic World we are living in. If you could transport me back to 2019, I would gladly leave tomorrow. The last few years, since the loss of my Mother, have been terrible in every respect. The Pandemic emphasises just how awful the planet has become. The scenes on our television sets, recording mounting deaths daily, brought home the scale of mother nature. I have suffered from low mood and depression for quite a number of months now; with more and more bad news, from every part of the planet, highlighted on our television screens daily, there are times, I just want to hide away and forget this time exists.

As a child, I was always fearful of war. Growing up in the 1980s, during the height of the Cold War, I was always aware of what could happen. I would spend night after night worrying about nuclear war, especially after watching the film 'Threads.' This film documented a fictional nuclear attack on the city of Sheffield; its powerful imagery has always remained with me. As communism collapsed, so the Cold War ended and the World seemed a much safer place to live. The threat of war quickly receded and the nightmares I had as a child disappeared; finally, I could breathe a sigh of relief.

Nothing is forever, as they say; with a despot like Putin in charge of Russia, it looks like we are heading into another Cold War. Tensions are high in Ukraine and Western nations have warned we could even be on the cusp of a dangerous European war, at the end of the COVID-19 pandemic. This is a time in history that appears to be the most dangerous in my lifetime. 2022, isn't a great time to be alive, I have never felt so uneasy. I believe we are heading into a period of great turmoil, but more importantly, change; a crossroads in all our lives.

If I was a religious man, I would say that it really does feel like the 'end of days' at the moment. The World seems chaotic, directionless and, with the rise of dictators like Putin, without moral compass. The pandemic has highlighted just how vulnerable we are and how easy it is to upset the delicate environmental balance that keeps us in check. I have never understood the inhumane nature of people. Whether a tyrant ruling a country or a sociopath at the top of Oxfam, these individuals exist, to the detriment of the rest of us. There is very little we can do on the surface to rid ourselves of cretinous leaders who lord over us, but we can distance ourselves from the worst influences in our own lives.

I have tried very hard to change my life for the better, especially during this pandemic. The last two years reminds me very much of my own struggles in life. Just as you think you have turned a corner for the better, something else comes along to push you right back to where you started. The next few years will more than likely be more of the same, so it looks like we will have to batten down the hatches and make the most of what we have. I very much look forward to a time, when we can live in peace and normality, but until then, we can always remember the good times… Times that will most certainly return once again!

We are now in the third year of the COVID-19 pandemic, and it looks like we may finally be heading towards the end of this dreadful period in history. The virus is now endemic in the UK, as it is in most other parts of the World, and it appears we will now just have to live alongside it. A colleague asked me a couple of days ago, if I thought we would ever see a lockdown again; after thinking about it for a brief moment, I said 'no!' From the noise made in Government and the general public's reluctance, it is clear no one wants to see another economic shutdown again, and who can blame them.

My views on the Government's handling of this pandemic are widely known. From day one, our bumbling Prime minister, Boris Johnson, has left the most vulnerable in society to the mercy of COVID. He has avoided making decisions that would have ultimately saved lives, and he has allowed this virus to spread uncontrollably, failing to understand the need for restrictions in order to protect the wider population. However, we are where we are. Coronavirus isn't going anywhere soon, and we all have to weigh up our own risks, when dealing with it; we have to use our own common sense and do what is right for us.

As you would expect, I have read much about pandemics over the last few years, and it does feel that COVID-19 is following a rather traditional path. In general, Pandemics tend to last four to five years, and more importantly, they normally get milder, just as the last flu pandemic did, a little over a hundred years ago. Omicron looks to be a moderate version of Coronavirus, causing nominal flu like symptoms in most people, and doesn't appear to be the killer virus its predecessor was. Could this really be the downward spiral in the pandemic? Can we really start to live life once again?

Many of my closest friends, colleagues, and acquaintances are contracting the virus on a daily basis; far more than during the first few waves. For this reason, I am constantly looking over my shoulder, worrying, when will it be my time. Thankfully, despite being pinging by the NHS COVID app numerous times, taking a lateral flow test every other day and a PCR test when needed, I haven't tested positive yet. The last time I believe I had Coronavirus was at the beginning of the pandemic, in March 2019. Since then, I have taken every precaution to avoid it – wearing masks, constantly sanitizing and social distancing when I can, has become a fact of life. I am proud I have managed to avoid it up to now, even when others have tested positive twice or more.

According to statistics, Omicron is seventy percent more transmissible and with 200,000 a day contracting it, it is almost inevitable I will get it at some stage. Boris Johnson and his cronies have made it blatantly clear they will not have another lockdown and despite my misgivings about this Government at the start, I have to finally say, I agree with them. Britain's fragile economy, especially after Brexit, could not cope with another economic disaster. As a nation we can not afford to pay furlough money to inactive people again, and we do need to get on with our lives, in as normal a way as possible. This is, nevertheless, where I part ways with the Government, and unlike them, believe in stronger preventative measures, especially during the long winter months.

I have got used to wearing a mask in a working, social and crowded environment and to be honest, it doesn't bother me at all. Psychologically, I feel better wearing one, and I have had very few seasonal colds. I hope mask wearing is made compulsory in shops and indoor crowded locations permanently, as well as on public transport. Going forward, I intend to wear face coverings whenever I feel it is appropriate, as I believe we all should. I fail to understand, just why people dislike wearing them so much, especially when they protect others.

Vaccine passports are another way of ensuring the safety of others; if you haven't had a vaccine, because of some ridiculous anti-vax agenda, then you shouldn't be allowed in venues such as pubs, clubs, restaurants, and theatres. People need to live up to their commitments and start acting  conscientiously, thinking of the wider population, rather than themselves. If you don't get vaccinated, don't expect to enjoy the benefits the rest of us have. There is no conspiracy, there is just a desire to return to normal and not to remain stuck in this perpetual cycle of lockdowns and restrictions.

All of us have to do what is right for our communities – the old, frail and vulnerable, healthcare, retail, transport, and hospitality workers who are confronted with COVID every day. Each of us has a social responsibility to protect those who need it most, that is the mark of humanity, that is the right thing to do! If all of us had done what was expected from day one, we wouldn't be in the position we are today. We can't change the past, but we can influence the future!

I have always done my best to help others when they are experiencing hardship; it is the mark of a civilised society, to be there for those in need. Looking at the scenes from Afghanistan over the last few weeks, has been harrowing. The frustration I feel towards The United States and Britain, in withdrawing troops from the country in such a chaotic, orderless way, is just too emotionally charged to print on here. Safe to say, I am furious and exasperated at the television broadcasts I see daily.

A few days ago, I was contacted by an Afghani, who I will refer to as Insaf, who is in a wretched situation. Having worked for the Americans, his life is now in danger, as The Taliban take over Afghanistan. Living in Kabul, he is now lying low and has asked me to pass on documentation to anyone who can help him exit the city. He has filled in the visa application required to fly to the US, but has not heard back from the immigration authorities. With the window of opportunity closing fast, it looks likely Insaf will be left behind, in a sea of anguish and desperation, like thousands of others, displaced by this dangerous withdrawal of allied troops.

Of course, as a British citizen, there is very little I can do to help, but I am trying my best. Insaf, has sent me important documents, including his National Identity Card, personal details and a 'Statement of Threat,' detailing his precarious circumstances. Reading through this document, I was terrified at what could happen to him and his family. He has had direct threats from the Taliban in person and on his phone, and has been told his life is in danger. I feel particularly helpless and just wish there was more I could do.

Whilst messaging him yesterday, I soon became aware that The Taliban were outside his house, checking his neighbourhood for anyone who had worked with or for the Americans. This poor guy was hiding from view, trying to avoid a group of people, responsible for some truly heinous acts of depravity. All I can do is chat, make sure he is OK and try to offer a semblance of calm and normality. This young man is clearly frightened and fearful, scared for his life; I can only observe from the sidelines, unaware of the dangers Insaf faces every hour. The situation in Kabul  has become increasingly desperate and deeply personal for me; this is a fight I feel involved in, and I just want to help in any way I can.

I have sent all the documentation I have to the American State Department, as well as various people here in The UK, who I believe can help. These include the Defence Secretary, Armed Forces Minister and other Members of Parliament, who can reach out and highlight his case. I have also forwarded all the information to western media outlets, inside and outside of Afghanistan, who may just be able to facilitate safe passage for Insaf and his family. I have heard back from Ben Wallace, the Defence Secretary, who has passed details of his case to the Ministry of Defence, and the hope is, he will speak to his American counterpart.

All of us at Roaming Brit want to wish Insaf well, as he navigates his journey out of Kabul. I hope he can get to safety soon, either as part of the ongoing airlift or via any of the land borders that remain open. In the meantime, I will stay in contact and continue to bring his case to the attention of the British and American Governments. People like Insaf can not be forgotten, we owe them a great deal; they must be rescued and resettled, protected from the Taliban and ensured safe passage out of Afghanistan!

I have been feeling a little under the weather over the past week. Whether because of post-operative blues or a general return to the status quo, I have felt a little sicker than usual. It would seem my IBS is returning and not all the adverse symptoms I suffered with, were because of gallbladder disease. Before the operation, I had concerns about some discomfort I was feeling under my left rib and that seems to have manifested once again, causing more distress than usual. Of course the anxiety I suffer with, doesn't help those pains, but it seems more than that. The only way I can describe it, is like having a crab attached to the side of my ribcage. It is annoying rather than extremely painful, but I am nevertheless concerned.

This gnawing pain seems to get worse throughout the day; almost non-existent in the morning, it's deeply throbbing by dusk, only relieved by sleep. I have tried stopping certain medication; increasing my Lansoprazole, used to control the production of stomach acid, as well as constantly googling symptoms, scaring myself half to death. The more I research what is going on, the worse the discomfort tends to get; it really does feel like a vicious circle.

My biggest concern is that it may have something to do with my pancreas, and naturally my mind thinks the worst. I am keeping a close eye on other indicators and despite believing they are pointing towards a worrying diagnosis, I am having to take a step back and distract myself when I can. I know health anxiety can be a real bitch when it wants, but I just need answers that I don't seem to be getting, no matter how loud I shout.

Currently, I am self-isolating for the next three days, before I have an Oesophago-gastro duodenoscopy on Friday. I have been waiting for this procedure for quite a while due to the ongoing pandemic. This morning I had to have a COVID pcr test at St Mary's Hospital in Portsmouth, in readiness for the investigations at the end of the week. I am hopeful I will begin to get some answers, about what is causing my distress, but I am also realistic. I know I have a large hiatal hernia, which could be the source of the pain, but the gnawing annoyance, could also point towards an ulcer. Whatever the prognosis, the hope is, I can finally lay this period to rest and start living life once again. If I am honest, the anxiety I feel on a daily basis is getting me down; it's finally time to get to the bottom of exactly what's going on!

A very mixed bag of views and opinions today, discussing the highs and lows of the week. For the most part I have been occupied with work, more than ever, as I get back to reality after my operation. I have also been happy to undertake some overtime, preparing for Darrell's return from Australia, a welcome piece of good news. After nearly two years apart, Darrell has booked his flight to leave Australia on 16th of September, just three weeks away now. Despite the fears we both still have about him flying during a pandemic, we are just both relieved he has set a date and is on his way home.

Darrell is luckier than most, granted permission to travel relatively quickly, but leaving Mum behind, as she continues her treatment for cancer is a wrench, hard to comprehend. He has assured the Australian government, that he will not return to the continent for at least three months. This is a difficult choice for Darrell to have to make, but given Australia's strict COVID regulations, he has no choice but to adhere to their conditions. Our hope is Mum stays well, and both of us can return to spend time with her each year. Her illness seems to be under control for now and there is a treatment plan in place to make sure she has the best care in future.

Darrell and I have discussed the future, as one would expect, but once again, due to our difficult circumstances, we are still unsure, where our heart really lies. It is hard being torn between two countries, unable to decide where to settle. We want to be around family, but the cost of staying in Portsmouth is prohibitive. The price of housing is just out of our price range, so we will have to come up with an alternative. In the interim, we would like to purchase a property up north, near to where we lived before and rent it out, while we continue to stay with family down south. In that way we would at least have a bolthole, offering us a place to escape to, should we need to relocate in the future.

Darrell has been making the most of his time left in Australia with Mum, and today they have spent time together at Caversham Wildlife Park in Western Australia. It must be so hard for Darrell having to move to the other side of the World of the World once again, leaving his family, friends, and most importantly, his Mother behind. We have really been left to the mercy of events; Coronavirus has dictated  when Darrell can and can't come home and this looks like becoming a regular feature of travel, for the foreseeable future. This isn't an ideal situation for us, just as it isn't for others, so for now we just have to comply with the law and conduct our relationship in the best way we can.

Despite being preoccupied with work and health concerns, I have been able to spend some time keeping up with events around the World. In the news this week, the allies retreat from Afghanistan. What a bloody mess we have created, leaving thousands upon thousands of people to their fate, as the Taliban take over the country.

I think I am as shocked as most people at how fast the Taliban swept through this broken state, stamping their authority over the country. As a spectator looking in, I am appalled by the way America has acted as a nation. The deadline, Joe Biden has given for palling out of the country, is 31st of August. Between now and then, the allies, that helped to build modern Afghanistan, will have to get its citizens and Afghani comrades out. These people include charity and aid workers, interpreters, officials and military personnel. Thousands of innocent people and refugees will have to be airlifted out of the region in a little over a week.

The anger and frustration I feel towards President Biden and other World leaders for washing their hands of Afghanistan and its population is immeasurable. These people gave their lives in the service of America, Britain, and others, and we have left them to die; what a disgusting way to treat them and what a terrible failure of judgement on our part.

The thousands of refugees heading towards the airport, the chaotic scenes of desperation as people beg to be put on a flight out of the country, is heartbreaking. The lives of women, children, minority groups including the LGBTQ+ community will change forever. The stoning of women, murder of gay people and assassinations of dissidents will once again become common place. Listening to these hopeless human beings speak about their fears for the future was distressing and painful, as I realised just what my Government has done to them. Western nations went into Afghanistan after 9/11 and protected them from the Taliban for twenty years. During this period they rebuilt and adopted western habits and ways, became a part of the wider World and embraced their future fully. Today, they face a desperate destiny, with many of those who helped us left behind; I shudder at what will happen to them!

It has been another soul-searching week for me, full of mixed feelings and emotions. It is lovely to have Darrell returning home after such a long time, but with my health unlike it was, I have changed dramatically since I saw him last. The pandemic has aged me out of all proportion, I have grown old beyond my years and feel every inch of my fifty years. As I view the scenes from Afghanistan, I am however reminded how lucky I am to be living in a civilised nation, with access to health care and support. This is in stark contrast to those poor people trying to escape the ravages of war in Afghanistan. Darrell and I can restart our life, these people don't have that option. The World has indeed changed and continues to evolve, beyond all comprehension, as all of us seek to find a way through the muddle and confusion, that echoes louder than ever before!