I have always done my best to help others when they are experiencing hardship; it is the mark of a civilised society, to be there for those in need. Looking at the scenes from Afghanistan over the last few weeks, has been harrowing. The frustration I feel towards The United States and Britain, in withdrawing troops from the country in such a chaotic, orderless way, is just too emotionally charged to print on here. Safe to say, I am furious and exasperated at the television broadcasts I see daily.

A few days ago, I was contacted by an Afghani, who I will refer to as Insaf, who is in a wretched situation. Having worked for the Americans, his life is now in danger, as The Taliban take over Afghanistan. Living in Kabul, he is now lying low and has asked me to pass on documentation to anyone who can help him exit the city. He has filled in the visa application required to fly to the US, but has not heard back from the immigration authorities. With the window of opportunity closing fast, it looks likely Insaf will be left behind, in a sea of anguish and desperation, like thousands of others, displaced by this dangerous withdrawal of allied troops.

Of course, as a British citizen, there is very little I can do to help, but I am trying my best. Insaf, has sent me important documents, including his National Identity Card, personal details and a 'Statement of Threat,' detailing his precarious circumstances. Reading through this document, I was terrified at what could happen to him and his family. He has had direct threats from the Taliban in person and on his phone, and has been told his life is in danger. I feel particularly helpless and just wish there was more I could do.

Whilst messaging him yesterday, I soon became aware that The Taliban were outside his house, checking his neighbourhood for anyone who had worked with or for the Americans. This poor guy was hiding from view, trying to avoid a group of people, responsible for some truly heinous acts of depravity. All I can do is chat, make sure he is OK and try to offer a semblance of calm and normality. This young man is clearly frightened and fearful, scared for his life; I can only observe from the sidelines, unaware of the dangers Insaf faces every hour. The situation in Kabul  has become increasingly desperate and deeply personal for me; this is a fight I feel involved in, and I just want to help in any way I can.

I have sent all the documentation I have to the American State Department, as well as various people here in The UK, who I believe can help. These include the Defence Secretary, Armed Forces Minister and other Members of Parliament, who can reach out and highlight his case. I have also forwarded all the information to western media outlets, inside and outside of Afghanistan, who may just be able to facilitate safe passage for Insaf and his family. I have heard back from Ben Wallace, the Defence Secretary, who has passed details of his case to the Ministry of Defence, and the hope is, he will speak to his American counterpart.

All of us at Roaming Brit want to wish Insaf well, as he navigates his journey out of Kabul. I hope he can get to safety soon, either as part of the ongoing airlift or via any of the land borders that remain open. In the meantime, I will stay in contact and continue to bring his case to the attention of the British and American Governments. People like Insaf can not be forgotten, we owe them a great deal; they must be rescued and resettled, protected from the Taliban and ensured safe passage out of Afghanistan!

I have been feeling a little under the weather over the past week. Whether because of post-operative blues or a general return to the status quo, I have felt a little sicker than usual. It would seem my IBS is returning and not all the adverse symptoms I suffered with, were because of gallbladder disease. Before the operation, I had concerns about some discomfort I was feeling under my left rib and that seems to have manifested once again, causing more distress than usual. Of course the anxiety I suffer with, doesn't help those pains, but it seems more than that. The only way I can describe it, is like having a crab attached to the side of my ribcage. It is annoying rather than extremely painful, but I am nevertheless concerned.

This gnawing pain seems to get worse throughout the day; almost non-existent in the morning, it's deeply throbbing by dusk, only relieved by sleep. I have tried stopping certain medication; increasing my Lansoprazole, used to control the production of stomach acid, as well as constantly googling symptoms, scaring myself half to death. The more I research what is going on, the worse the discomfort tends to get; it really does feel like a vicious circle.

My biggest concern is that it may have something to do with my pancreas, and naturally my mind thinks the worst. I am keeping a close eye on other indicators and despite believing they are pointing towards a worrying diagnosis, I am having to take a step back and distract myself when I can. I know health anxiety can be a real bitch when it wants, but I just need answers that I don't seem to be getting, no matter how loud I shout.

Currently, I am self-isolating for the next three days, before I have an Oesophago-gastro duodenoscopy on Friday. I have been waiting for this procedure for quite a while due to the ongoing pandemic. This morning I had to have a COVID pcr test at St Mary's Hospital in Portsmouth, in readiness for the investigations at the end of the week. I am hopeful I will begin to get some answers, about what is causing my distress, but I am also realistic. I know I have a large hiatal hernia, which could be the source of the pain, but the gnawing annoyance, could also point towards an ulcer. Whatever the prognosis, the hope is, I can finally lay this period to rest and start living life once again. If I am honest, the anxiety I feel on a daily basis is getting me down; it's finally time to get to the bottom of exactly what's going on!

A very mixed bag of views and opinions today, discussing the highs and lows of the week. For the most part I have been occupied with work, more than ever, as I get back to reality after my operation. I have also been happy to undertake some overtime, preparing for Darrell's return from Australia, a welcome piece of good news. After nearly two years apart, Darrell has booked his flight to leave Australia on 16th of September, just three weeks away now. Despite the fears we both still have about him flying during a pandemic, we are just both relieved he has set a date and is on his way home.

Darrell is luckier than most, granted permission to travel relatively quickly, but leaving Mum behind, as she continues her treatment for cancer is a wrench, hard to comprehend. He has assured the Australian government, that he will not return to the continent for at least three months. This is a difficult choice for Darrell to have to make, but given Australia's strict COVID regulations, he has no choice but to adhere to their conditions. Our hope is Mum stays well, and both of us can return to spend time with her each year. Her illness seems to be under control for now and there is a treatment plan in place to make sure she has the best care in future.

Darrell and I have discussed the future, as one would expect, but once again, due to our difficult circumstances, we are still unsure, where our heart really lies. It is hard being torn between two countries, unable to decide where to settle. We want to be around family, but the cost of staying in Portsmouth is prohibitive. The price of housing is just out of our price range, so we will have to come up with an alternative. In the interim, we would like to purchase a property up north, near to where we lived before and rent it out, while we continue to stay with family down south. In that way we would at least have a bolthole, offering us a place to escape to, should we need to relocate in the future.

Darrell has been making the most of his time left in Australia with Mum, and today they have spent time together at Caversham Wildlife Park in Western Australia. It must be so hard for Darrell having to move to the other side of the World of the World once again, leaving his family, friends, and most importantly, his Mother behind. We have really been left to the mercy of events; Coronavirus has dictated  when Darrell can and can't come home and this looks like becoming a regular feature of travel, for the foreseeable future. This isn't an ideal situation for us, just as it isn't for others, so for now we just have to comply with the law and conduct our relationship in the best way we can.

Despite being preoccupied with work and health concerns, I have been able to spend some time keeping up with events around the World. In the news this week, the allies retreat from Afghanistan. What a bloody mess we have created, leaving thousands upon thousands of people to their fate, as the Taliban take over the country.

I think I am as shocked as most people at how fast the Taliban swept through this broken state, stamping their authority over the country. As a spectator looking in, I am appalled by the way America has acted as a nation. The deadline, Joe Biden has given for palling out of the country, is 31st of August. Between now and then, the allies, that helped to build modern Afghanistan, will have to get its citizens and Afghani comrades out. These people include charity and aid workers, interpreters, officials and military personnel. Thousands of innocent people and refugees will have to be airlifted out of the region in a little over a week.

The anger and frustration I feel towards President Biden and other World leaders for washing their hands of Afghanistan and its population is immeasurable. These people gave their lives in the service of America, Britain, and others, and we have left them to die; what a disgusting way to treat them and what a terrible failure of judgement on our part.

The thousands of refugees heading towards the airport, the chaotic scenes of desperation as people beg to be put on a flight out of the country, is heartbreaking. The lives of women, children, minority groups including the LGBTQ+ community will change forever. The stoning of women, murder of gay people and assassinations of dissidents will once again become common place. Listening to these hopeless human beings speak about their fears for the future was distressing and painful, as I realised just what my Government has done to them. Western nations went into Afghanistan after 9/11 and protected them from the Taliban for twenty years. During this period they rebuilt and adopted western habits and ways, became a part of the wider World and embraced their future fully. Today, they face a desperate destiny, with many of those who helped us left behind; I shudder at what will happen to them!

It has been another soul-searching week for me, full of mixed feelings and emotions. It is lovely to have Darrell returning home after such a long time, but with my health unlike it was, I have changed dramatically since I saw him last. The pandemic has aged me out of all proportion, I have grown old beyond my years and feel every inch of my fifty years. As I view the scenes from Afghanistan, I am however reminded how lucky I am to be living in a civilised nation, with access to health care and support. This is in stark contrast to those poor people trying to escape the ravages of war in Afghanistan. Darrell and I can restart our life, these people don't have that option. The World has indeed changed and continues to evolve, beyond all comprehension, as all of us seek to find a way through the muddle and confusion, that echoes louder than ever before!

It's been eight days since I last blogged, rather a long time for me. The truth is,  I've had an extremely busy week work wise and just haven't had the time. Today is the first day, I have just been able to relax and unwind;  every bone in my body aches, but after a perfect nights sleep, I feel great and ready for anything.

I have always tried to limit the amount of hours I work in order to concentrate on the things I love. I don't need to work the long days I have in the past, and I am quite happy with the thirty or so hours I dedicate each week. It allows me to save for the future and keep my head above water until Darrell comes home, and we decide what we are going to do for the rest of our lives. These past seven days however, I have taken on extra shifts, while people are on holiday and have worked far more than I usually do.

It has been a particularly uplifting few days at work. As an organisation we have been raising money for Cancer Research, my charity of choice, especially as I also volunteer for them when I can. Wearing pink, we have created awareness about a subject many of us find hard to discuss and talk about.

The pandemic has prevented many charities from raising money, so this was probably one of the first opportunities we have had, to really get Cancer Research involved in our efforts as a shop. Representatives were finally allowed through the doors to help promote the good work they do, and it did feel very close to the old days, before COVID-19. It was inspiring to be back doing what we all do best as a company. I have worked for many charities in the past, some better than others, but Tesco really do go that extra mile, and it shows in the dedication they have towards local and national groups who all need our help at this time.

It was quite apt that we were collecting money for Cancer Research this week; on Saturday I received some news, that I wish I really hadn't. I'm sure readers of Roaming Brit will recall dear 'Mrs F,' a lady who I had formed a close friendship with over the last year, during the pandemic. Well sadly she has been diagnosed with cancer, leaving an extremely heartfelt message on my phone explaining her diagnosis.

Mrs F sounded extremely frail and upset, understandably so, expressing a wish to see me before she passed away, so she could say goodbye. I felt extremely emotional and upset at this terrible news, but understand how important it is to see my lovely friend before she dies. Cancer is such a terrible disease, half of us will experience it in some form during our lifetime. It is so important to do what we can, as human beings, to help those closest, get through such a tough, burdensome time. Mrs F's diagnosis isn't good, and it is especially pertinent for me to see her as soon as I can. She was an important person in my life, especially after the death of my Mother and I want to make sure she understands how much I care.

I am due at the hospital myself this week, to have some XRAY's done on my back and pelvis, so my Rheumatologist, can determine the source of pain I have had over the past few years. It will also be the perfect opportunity to see Mrs F and say a final farewell.

There appears to be so much death in the headlines at the moment and as a person who overthinks situations, it often plays on my mind somewhat. The COVID Pandemic does seem on the surface at least, to be under control here, and I think all of us can breathe a sigh of relief. My own father has had his second vaccine and mine is due in a little over a month. After another negative test result from COVID yesterday, I am feeling far more confident about the future, than I have done in many months. However not all countries are doing so well.

Last week I highlighted Brazil's huge failure in dealing with Coronavirus. Its right wing President has little or no concern for the people he is supposed to represent and the death toll is in the hundreds of thousands. Looking at the news this week, I was shocked to see another country in a similar, if not worst position.

India, a country my Aunt knows well, having travelled there many times before, is suffering in a way none of us can fully comprehend. The news reports from this hugely populated country are grim. Photo's of burning bodies, being cremated in groups along the sides of rivers, as people die in the streets through lack of oxygen and medical supplies is deeply disturbing. These are photographs depicting scenes from hell and I can't express how unsettled I was to witness them.

Yet another failed right wing government is sacrificing its people, ignoring the scale of the unfolding disaster across the nation. This is a country that can afford to send rockets into space, but can't or won't protect its citizens. The failures of the pandemic are clear to see, and they exist in the policies of countries who care little for their people, where free market ideals take priority over saving lives and lockdowns are only used when all else has failed. The COVID crisis has really underlined the abject blunders and collapse of policies that have proven bankrupt when dealing with the protection of human life during a crisis. The last few years really have shown just how substandard and atrocious our world leaders are; I hope this will be a catalyst for change, I'm afraid it will just be ignored, like many logistical disasters of the past.

.... And finally - Darrell and I are beginning to work out the timescale for his return to the UK. Mum in law's cancer seems to be under control now and able to be managed, when he returns, which is good news. My fingers are crossed for him receiving his first vaccine this week and both of us can at least see a chink of light at the end of the tunnel. Of course nothing runs smooth in our life, but hopefully we can be a little more positive especially with the pandemic under control in the UK. Australia have entered a three-day lockdown however and the hope is it will be enough to control an outbreak of the Indian strain of the virus.

As winter turns to summer, so to my mood turns from pessimism to optimism. All of us have had our struggles to endure this last year and a half, but unlike so many others, most of us have survived relatively unscathed. When Autumn returns, I will finally be able to count the days before Darrell's return and hopefully look forward to a virus free World; until then we keep battling on!

The funeral of HRH The Duke of Edinburgh on Saturday, was yet another reminder of the distressing times we are living through. Her Majesty The Queen, sat alone, without the support of her family. The scene was poignant and moving, creating anxiety for The entire royal family. It brought home the scale of the pandemic and underlines the affect its reach has on every one of us, rich, poor and even our own Head of State.

This was a royal occasion like no other I have seen in my lifetime and if I am honest, one of the most emotional national events I have ever witnessed. The COVID pandemic had ensured a scaled down funeral, but it also guaranteed a more intimate affair and the raw sentiment of the day was clear to see. Like a gaping wound, the Royal Family had to say their final farewell to The Duke, at a time of restrictions and regulation, in the glare of publicity, broadcast all over the World.

The Queen arrived at the church with a lady in waiting, although, because the funeral was restricted to just 30 guests, Her Majesty entered alone, walking the short distance through the archway of the portico, where she was greeted by the Dean. Briefly, she looked back, one may assume she was looking for her husband, another member of her family, or just a guiding hand, but there was no one there, and she slowly, shuffled into the Chapel. This was a 95-year-old Monarch, who had given her life to her country and was now carrying out probably the most burdensome task of her life.

I was struck by how frail she looked; a black mask trimmed in white, covering the emotions on her face. Saturday truly felt like the end of an era, with the burial of Prince Philip; I had the feeling we were coming towards the end of our second Elizabethan age, in a way I hadn't seen before. When two people have been married for 73 years, the death of one or the other is a great loss for the surviving partner. In many cases they also pass away shortly afterwards. I was conscious of the great sadness Queen Elizabeth must have felt, but was also aware of her enduring dedication to our Country and recurrent sense of purpose. This is a Monarch who has much to live for, as we all continue to battle this pandemic and I hope she will be around for many more years to come.

Sometimes I can't believe how much all our lives have changed in such a short space of time. Watching The Queen and Royal Family wearing masks, was a sign of the times in every respect. I have become so used to adorning a mask myself, I doubt I will ditch it anytime soon, even if we are allowed to in the near future. I understand the  historic period in history we are living through, one that will be talked about for generations to come. It is likely, the pandemic of 2020/21 will be taught in schools, long after I have gone and when this is all over, our lives would have changed out of all proportion.

Today I have to take two Coronavirus tests a week to make sure all those I come into contact with are kept safe. I am in close contact with family and colleagues at work, so it is necessary to know that I am well, even if I have had my first COVID-19 vaccination. Initially I used to attend the Guildhall here in Portsmouth and take my lateral flow tests there. The process was quick, and I was generally sent the results in a text message within half an hour. Despite this, I always felt wary going there, mainly due to the amount of people queuing to have their tests. As a retail worker however, I am well aware of the importance of getting them done each week, so sought out an alternative. Now, I am able to order the tests online once a fortnight and have them delivered to my door. This is far easier to do and ensures I never forget to do one.

This is just one aspect of life that has transmuted and if I am honest, it is a process that will become a regular part of all our lives now. It is of course a mild inconvenience, but really nothing more. If it allows us to carry on a relatively normal life, then it is welcome. After the awful debacle of our Governments woeful pandemic response and the now 127,000 deaths, it is great to see the systems in place to protect us, finally working as they should.

A few days ago I watched a television programme on the devastation COVID is causing in Brazil. Right wing (borderline fascist) President Jair Bolsonaro, has taken his country down a dark path. The President refuses to lock the Country down, despite the deaths of nearly 400,000 people. 100,000 Brazilians are expected to die in April alone, as the incompetent Bolsonaro presides over a failed Coronavirus strategy, that is destroying life and scarily providing the right conditions for the virus to mutate into more, dangerous strains. Sitting there, watching in horror, as bodies were stacked up in crammed and crowded corridors, I was shocked at the scenes I was witnessing; With three million dead Worldwide, we are still very much in the eye of the storm and there is no sign it will change anytime soon.

I was so critical of Boris Johnson and his Government a year ago. They made mistake after mistake, but time has proven to be a great healer. Finally, as a nation, we are back on track, having vaccinated sixty-three percent of the population and yesterday recorded just ten deaths. Every life lost is a tragedy, but when one compares this to the thousand plus deaths a day, not that long ago, I think we are all thankful we are finally getting it right. Slowly opening the country has been the biggest success after the lockdown; when one factors in the successful immunisation programme, we are actually winning for a change, beating back the virus and protecting the population.... Long may that last!

Some good news this week; Darrell will definitely get his vaccination next week in Australia, being one of the first to receive it, after a short delay. This will mean he will be safe to travel here in November, under the Australian exemption scheme, allowing him to fly to Britain. This at least gives us some hope at an otherwise difficult time.

At the moment all of us are just living each day as it comes, not knowing what's around the corner. We may well be slowly opening up, but none of us know how long that will last. The Government has already indicated it will lock down if cases start to rise again, so it is likely we could find ourselves back at square one. For now, I am feeling more optimistic than I have in a long time and hope the next few weeks, will allow Darrell and I the opportunity to plan for the future. Nothing is of course certain; I just hope the impending summer, shines light on all our lives, and we can get back to the normality all of us crave!

It was all change today, as Britain moved out of lockdown and began to open up once again. After four months of closure, non-essential shops, hairdressers, alfresco dining and pubs can once again reopen, beginning the first tentative steps towards normality. Of course this was happening under the veil of the Duke of Edinburgh's death and the national eight days of mourning the country is currently in the midst of.

Out of respect to Prince Philip, all flags on public buildings are flying at half-mast and Portsmouth is no exception. Taking a short walk to Guildhall square over the last few days, I was pleased to see the Union Flag lowered to honour the memory of one of our countries greatest modernisers. Being a naval city, Portsmouth did have a close association with His Royal Highness and other members of the Royal Family. Guns were fired at The Hard in Portsea to mark his passing and by and large, locals are respectful and contemplative about the death of a long-standing national figure, like the Duke. You would expect nothing less from the headquarters of The Royal Navy, and I am proud to call this place home.

Things do seem rather different after the Dukes death; the period of national mourning dictates how Britain functions for the next eight days. Newsreaders and presenters wear sombre clothes, television shows reflect the mood of the country, and public services and advertising billboards give consideration to the loss of a significant member of the royal family. I was moved by a simple advertising hoarding at a bus stop in Commercial Road, marking the death of His Royal Highness, a sight mirrored throughout the city and country at large. The next eight days will be a period to remember and reflect on the life of Prince Philip, but it will also be a time to think about our own families and the loss we have all felt over the last year. There is no doubt we are all living through historic times and the death of the Queen's husband reinforces the challenges we are navigating; all of us have to find our own path through the difficulties both now and tomorrow.

The changing landscape was most noticeable today, as England's strict lockdown was lifted. I walked into the city early, to see everyone at Cancer Research, where I will be returning  soon, to once again start volunteering with Zerina, Sam and everyone else. I took a bag of unwanted clothes into the shop, and it was wonderful to finally see it open again, since its closure, the week before Christmas. The usual faces were there, beavering away behind the scenes; it felt like 'coming home,' chatting with old friends and colleagues alike.

The shop had been cleared of all its Christmas stock, that had been proudly displayed up until a few days ago. It looked refreshed and ready for customers to return once again; such a welcome sight, after an awful trading period. Some members of staff were a little apprehensive over the reopening, after only having a single jab, but most were just happy to be back making money for Cancer Research. In a few weeks, after a particularly busy time for me, I will be back in the ranks, looking forward to the months ahead.

The rest of the city centre, was less busy than I expected. There were plenty of people about, but not the huge crowds one would have expected on the first day after lockdown. There was a large queue of customers outside Primark, but it was all well-organised and good-humoured, as everyone waited patiently in line. Thankfully I wasn't going to join them for a spot of shopping, Primark just isn't my kind of shop and I could think of nothing worse than being in close quarters with the great unwashed. I hurriedly passed by, happy to avoid the eager shoppers.

The constantly changing landscape has been discernible over the last year, as we move from lockdown to opening up. The failure of 'Eat Out to Help Out,' and inevitable spread of the virus, cancelled family Christmases, the closure of public houses, communistic queuing in high streets and dystopian views, with roads free of traffic, have all contributed to a period like no other in our history. I am conscious of the tumultuous days that our now behind us, but I am apprehensive about the equally unsettled future ahead.

Walking around the high street today, in the middle of an international crisis and an eight-day period of national mourning, I was more aware than ever of my own place in the World. I am just a single person, on a planet of 7 billion, trying to survive at a time when the planet is being ravaged by a pandemic. These first small steps to freedom are just the beginning of a return to sanity and I embrace them wholeheartedly. I hope and pray this will be the last lockdown, but nothing is certain as we all do our best not to repeat the mistakes of the past!

I had some good news finally this week; I am eligible for the COVID-19 Vaccination. After receiving a text from the NHS, I was able to book my appointment at St James Hospital in Portsmouth relatively easily. Next Thursday, approximately a year after this dreadful pandemic took hold, I will finally get my first injection, followed by a second one on the 9th June.

According to the message I received from the NHS, I have underlying health issues, that have given me priority, during the first wave of vaccinations. I do indeed have many health complications, but I'm not entirely sure which ones have allowed me to receive the jab early. My best guess is, it is a combination of all of them. I do have some kidney issues however, which were highlighted in an ultrasound I recently had. Whatever the reason, I am just glad to be having it as soon as possible. For me, this signals the beginning of the end of the virus and I can't wait to get back to normal.

Surprisingly, there are still some people who don't want the vaccine and I literally have no idea why. I mean why wouldn't you want to protect yourself and others, from the worst effects of this disease. I am baffled by anti-vaxxers and the dangerous misinformation they are peddling, to support their case. Lies and fabrication to encourage others not to have the vaccination are completely dishonest and shows a complete lack of understanding about Coronavirus. Whether these misguided individuals truly believe in the inaccuracies they encourage, or they are simply denying the facts, without any thought or comprehension as to why, I am not sure. Whatever their reasons, they are dangerous and in my opinion, we shouldn't be giving them a platform to peddle their nonsense.

The UK has vaccinated nearly 25 million people now, far more than any other comparable European nation; we should be proud of just what our NHS has achieved. Our Government failed on so many levels at the beginning of this pandemic. I have mentioned their failings many times before and don't want to do so again. What I do what to mention is just how far we have come in the last year. I really can't believe where we were a year ago, compared to today; the biggest vaccination programme in UK history underlies that. This is a country that has changed out of all proportion and whether we return to the 'old normal' is anyone's guess, but the journey all of us have been on, has completely turned our lives upside down.

I've just had a look at my old Facebook status updates on this day last year. To be honest it was scary reading them. The chatter was about the 'killer virus' and how 90 percent of us would contract it by the beginning of 2021. There was certainly a lot of anxiety in my words back then, so much so, it brings back the terrible memories twelve months ago. A lot has happened since last March, just before we headed into the first lockdown, and look where we are now. 125,000 dead, when the Government said 20,000 would be a 'good' outcome and many millions more who have suffered economically and mentally. Patients remain in intensive care, children have missed nearly a year of school, businesses have closed for good and the effects of 'Long COVID' looms large over the landscape; a medical crisis in the making!

Today we are approaching the end of lockdown number three and nearly fifty percent of the adult population are now vaccinated against COVID-19. Death rates are falling and fewer people are contracting Coronavirus. The vaccination programme that began towards the end of December 2020, has done amazingly well at protecting the nation through this terrible period. When I receive my jab next Thursday, I can breathe a slight sigh of relief, until I get my second dose. I hope this really is the beginning of the end of COVID, but none of us can be entirely sure how this traumatic time will conclude; after all, the course of the virus turned out very differently to what we expected. Let's hope all of us can get back to the way things were, hug our family and friends and finally relax again, living our lives as we would like to do. The end is in sight, lets not blow it now.... Stay safe, remain well, keep your distance and above all, HAVE YOUR JAB!

Like most people, I sat down to watch the interview with Harry and Meghan on Monday evening. I had heard the headlines, after their audience with Oprah Winfrey on Sunday, but wanted to hear for myself, just what this couple had to say. Since the Duke and Duchess of Sussex left the UK for America just over a year ago there has been much speculation about their reasons for doing so. Sunday in the United States, Harry and Meghan, finally broke their silence on what seemed to be a very traumatic period in their lives. To say that it was explosive, was an understatement; as an ardent Monarchist, even I was shocked by the revelations they spoke so eloquently about. These were two people who had suffered real pain and prejudice, during their time as senior members of the Royal Family together!

I have commented on many current affairs issues, over the years writing Roaming Brit, but these circumstances are very different to those I have highlighted before. Meghan's experience resonated with me, unlike other subjects I have covered. This was a woman who had suffered from depression and suicidal thoughts, rather like I have in the past. The fact that her cries for help were for the most part ignored, was an experience I have encountered myself. It was testament to her own strength that she survived and was able to finally tell her story.

It is difficult for people to understand just what a person goes through, when they have to contend with suicidal thoughts. A deeply heartbreaking experience, it is a thought process that only the victim can comprehend. The manifestation of these feelings are unique to each individual, which is why there is no easy answer, to solving the issues contained within those emotions. It is important that anyone suffering should be believed, acknowledged and directed towards the help they need. Clearly this wasn't Meghans experience and if I am honest, a terrible indictment on the royal household. On the surface at least, it would seem the Monarchy has learnt nothing from the experiences of Diana Princess of Wales, Harry's Mother.

For most of the interview, I was sat aghast at the depiction of events unfolding before me. Both of them had clearly suffered dramatically over the months after their wedding and were given very little or no help at all. This was their time to get across their points of view and personal recollections, of a period that clearly left both of them scarred. I think the questions here are why was this allowed to happen, and why did these two people feel so aggrieved at their treatment?

None of us really understand the workings of the Royal 'Firm,' It is clear there is an overlap of personal and public duty. The Queen, Prince Charles, Prince William and everyone else are all part of a family, whose sense of public service is undeniable. The Queen and her husband Prince Phillip, have served the United Kingdom and Commonwealth unwaveringly, over the nearly seventy years Her Majesty has been on the throne. However, in many incidences, her own personal bonds with family has had to take a back seat, as emotions are set aside for other pressing official matters. Somewhere along the line, Meghan and Harry's well-being has been sacrificed, rightly or wrongly, for the greater good. One has to remember these are two people who have sensitivities and emotions, that need to be respected and understood, not dismissed and rejected. Direct contact with the Queen, may well have helped to solve many of the issues they highlighted.

The allegations of a racially motivated question in regard to their then unborn baby, Archie, is hard to understand. Asking Harry just how dark his new son would be, was insensitive at least, racist at worst and should never have been said by a member of the Royal Family. As a white man, I can not fully understand the issues that surround racism, because I have never experienced it myself. However, if Meghan and Harry felt demeaned by a question regarding the colour of their son, then it is not for me or anyone else to judge. Trying to justify the comment as an innocent off the cuff remark, when you have no idea of the pain it caused, is to deny somebody's apprehensions as not being valid. Both of them clearly felt this was a racial slur and deserve our support.

Television and social media was full of vitriol and malevolence towards the Duke and Duchess the day after their interview. I was disgusted and appalled by the comments made by broadcasters, internet trolls and from people who have no understanding of the impediments involved. The personal attacks made against Meghan in particular, who had suffered dreadfully, was awful to witness. I have heard and seen much in my life, but even I was taken aback, by the level and intensity of the onslaught they both suffered. This was a woman who had contemplated suicide and suffered racial abuse, yet she was being called a liar and disbelieved by some of the most influential journalists in the country, that was truly horrifying to watch.

I am and will always be a Monarchist, regardless of this latest scandal. The Queen remains the best public servant we have and works tirelessly for our country. Despite the Queens dedication, I can also support two people who have suffered from abuse, just because of who they are. There was clearly no support for Meghan, as there wasn't for Princess Diana, and she undoubtedly felt alone and unable to continue her life as a leading member of the royal family. Buckingham Palace once again have a lot to learn from these allegations and in order for all parties to move forward, all concerns must be addressed. If there is racism, it must be dealt with. Equally, anyone suffering from depression and suicidal thoughts must be taken seriously and not dismissed. There should be a complete overhaul of the structure within the Palace that allowed these serious allegations to be overlooked. Maybe its time other members of the family were now put in the spotlight for their misdemeanours  and Meghan and Harry are left alone, to finally live the life they want to lead. A time for change is approaching, and it should be embraced, not resisted, modernity demands transformation.

It's Friday, not a day I usually blog, because I am normally beavering away at work by now, however this week, once again, I am self Isolating. Yesterday I received yet another message from 'Track and Trace,' to isolate, after coming into contact with someone who has reported they have Coronavirus symptoms. I've lost count how many times I have had to do this now, but it must be about three or four. Yes it is tiresome, inconvenient and exasperating, but unlike others, I understand the importance of doing it. It was interesting to see on the news last night, that around twenty-eight thousand  people are actually ignoring the notifications and carrying on as normal. Why, just why would you? If you have the app on your phone, follow it and do the right thing for Christ’s sake, it is your civic duty.

As usual, I have no idea how or why I came into contact with whoever this person is, but I have a good idea. When I am working, I am protected from the general public by a perspex shield, so there is no need to have my 'Track and Trace' app turned on. In fact the service have told me to turn it off. Nevertheless, I did have a Hospital Appointment on the day I would have been exposed, so this could be the reason why I am isolating yet again. Like everyone else I will never know who gave my details and I will remain in the dark, which is probably a good thing.

I do have concern about the timings involved. I received a message yesterday to isolate for five days, which means If I did have COVID-19, I would have been walking around for five days, following my usual routine, not knowing I could have been passing on this deadly virus. One can only assume the person who reported symptoms, didn't do so soon enough or the results of the test came through later than one would have expected. It is so important people are notified quickly, to stop the spread; this is the second time I have had a very short quarantine period, which says something is going wrong with the system. Let's hope that the Government gets its act together and of course the public actually follow the rules and report symptoms as soon as they get them!

On a positive note, it is great to see the UK's vaccination programme really ramping up. When I listened to the news yesterday, ten and a half million people had already received their first dose of the vaccine. This is great news; the sooner all of us are immunised, the quicker we will get back to normal. The crucial thing is, everyone who is offered a jab, takes the jab. I am sick and tired of the conspiracy theories and the anti-vaxxers. These people know nothing about this virus and its impact on families and need to take a long hard look at themselves. Their views are abhorrent and wrong and deserve no air time. Shocking scenes of these people storming hospital wards, accusing health care professionals of 'murder' is beyond comprehension, It highlights the odious lack of understanding and education. It is an appalling indictment on a small, yet vocal minority of the population, that mistakenly believe this virus is a hoax, it just makes me want to cry!

One piece of news I did find a little hard to stomach this week, was Europe's reaction to our Vaccination programme. Predictably, they slammed our efforts, implying we were taking risks with peoples lives, having not tested the vaccines properly. At one stage they threatened Britain with a hard Northern Irish border, trying to divert valuable medicines to the European Union. The vindictive nature of their behaviour, trying to restrict the amount of vaccine made in the EU, travelling to the UK, because we had actually ordered and secured batches three months before, beggars belief. They were willing to disrupt supply to those who needed it most, in order to save face. It is their bureaucracy that has delayed their immunisation programme; it has nothing to do with us. Luckily they backed down at the last minute as Europe invariably does. My love hate relationship with Europe has once again been tested. Having reversed my stance on Brexit, I was once again brought to boiling point, by Europe's actions. Their conduct is the reason I voted to leave, this just creates more negativity, when we should all be working together.

This week we saw the death of a hero, the superstar of this pandemic, an ex serviceman, Knight of the Realm and champion of the National Health Service. Sadly Captain Sir Tom Moore, who raised thirty-nine million pounds for NHS charities died of Pneumonia and Coronavirus, succumbing to the disease, he had fought against throughout 2020. This man, who in his 99th year, walked a hundred laps of his garden, raising millions, was a loss that's hard to countenance.

Sir Tom was the constant in all our lives last year; his positive outlook, cheerful disposition and stoicism in the face of tragedy carried all of us through the worst of the pandemic. This national treasure was an inspiration during dark times, a man who encouraged many to raise yet more money for charities up and down the country and was known throughout the World for his efforts. Losing this gentle soul in his 100th year, was a tragic day for everyone with an ounce of empathy and compassion. His loss will be felt by all of us, especially his family and those who knew him best.

I would like to offer my sincere condolences to Sir Toms family at this sad time and hope his legacy will live on, long after the pandemic has gone. It is people like him that epitomise the plucky British spirit, sense of duty and strength in the face of adversity. A man unknown just a year ago, rose to the challenges of a virus, that could have taken his life at any stage and became a living, breathing hero, who none of us will forget. The man of the moment will forever live in the hearts of a nation who needed his courage, in order to face the challenges ahead. His achievements will always be remembered, in death as they were in life.

I did manage to speak to Darrell briefly over the last few days and he is phoning me every day whilst I am self isolating. To be honest it is the only time we actually get to talk more often. Having to lock myself away for a week isn't ideal, but it does give me a little bit of 'me' time that I wouldn't otherwise have.

Darrell has also been isolating this week, not because of possible contact with someone who has tested positive for COVID, but because Western Australia entered a brief total lockdown. A security guard, tested positive for the more deadly UK strain and had been working several jobs, bringing him into contact with many different people. The authorities there were understandably concerned about a potential outbreak and immediately did the right thing, closing the state.

Darrell was unsurprisingly frustrated; unlike us Brits, he isn't used to the mandatory mask wearing and rule adherence. When I phoned him today, he told me they had come out of lockdown, after everyone who had come into contact with the virus had tested negative. Once again I can't fault Australia for their quick reaction to a situation, that could have so quickly got out of hand and once again Darrell and Mum can breathe a sigh of relief.

Bush fires have also been raging in Western Australia, just 2 km from where we used to live in Ellenbrook. Of course this isn't entirely unusual, but their proximity to the city is and is also a concern for Darrell and the residents who live there.

Wherever you are in the World at the moment, there does seem to be an overbearing number of problems and disturbances to deal with - COVID, wildfires, political unrest in Burma, famine in Africa and the after effects of Brexit. All of these issues seem to indicate a time of turbulence, that I haven't really witnessed in my lifetime. As a planet we have enjoyed prosperity and progress up to now and enjoyed a relatively peaceful period, free from the unrest and turmoil of the past. 2020 has shown us, fate is always round the corner waiting to rear its ugly head and all of us should prepare for the worst. My generation had become too complacent, it's time all of us woke up to the challenges, that will dominate all our lives from now on.

So, I have another four days of self-isolation to go before I can get back to work, which is going to drive me bonkers once again. I am taking the opportunity to catch up on some reading, blogging and sorting out by IBS symptoms. Today I am fasting for twenty-four hours, which always helps to reset my stomach. Already the pain has subsided, as I just drink green tea and water, and although I am feeling a bit dizzy and tired, I am at least enjoying the benefits of a pain free day.

I'm not really sure why fasting helps, but from what I believe it is about giving the stomach time to rest, without having to process any food; whatever the reasons, it seems to work for me. At a time when all of us should be thinking about our own personal well-being, exercising, eating healthily and doing whatever we can to avoid the terrible effects of Coronavirus, should we be unfortunate to contract it, it is important for me at least to look after my digestive system. When my tummy feels good, so do I. If I can only lower my stress levels as well, I should hopefully weather the storm until it is my turn to be vaccinated, until then it will be more of the same - isolating, mask wearing, social distancing and sanitizing one's hands. Nothing lasts forever and like all of you, I long for the day life returns to normal; stay safe everyone, stay safe!

I've had three days off work with plenty of things to do, but have actually done very little if I am honest. I started watching the five part Channel 4 drama 'It's a Sin' on Friday, and it has kind of taken over my thoughts. On Saturday, I did manage to get out and go for a seven-mile walk, but even then, I just couldn't stop thinking about this programme. Walking around Portsmouth, I felt lucky to be alive, enjoying the sea air, beautiful scenery and timeless coastline, that I have visited many times before. Nevertheless, as I sat on South Parade Pier, looking out across the water, I remembered a time, not so long ago, when my life wasn't so simple, a period not unlike today, full of fear and anxiety.

'It's a Sin' took me back to the 1980s, growing up gay during the AIDS epidemic and at a time of great social change, trying to discover who I really was, surrounded by hate, disapproval and trepidation. When I look back to my teenage years, I am reminded of the pain and difficulties I went through, trying to 'come out' in a World that just didn't care. There was no understanding or acceptance from those I regarded as close, because they never knew I was gay. There was no shoulder to cry on, when my feelings for someone else, weren't reciprocated, because they didn't see me as I really was. Above all there was no support when I needed it most, because I wasn't allowed to ask the right questions, seek the correct answers, or talk to somebody, anybody who could help me figure out the feelings I wrestled with every day. I was alone, unhappy, frightened and scared, during a period when gay men were hidden from society, afraid to admit their sexuality.

Towards the end of the 1980s I was fully aware 'people like me' were falling ill, dying alone, rejected by family and friends and unable to be close to partners. Thrown to the sidelines, by bitter, vindictive parents, who only saw them as the catalyst for their sons 'perverted' lifestyle, they were left to pick up the pieces, often without recognition of a lifetime spent with the person they loved. This was an undemonstrative time, where most people only thought about themselves, greed was the religion of the day and gay men like me were left abandoned and alone, by the very people who should have been there for us; this was the saddest time of my life!

During the early 1980s, I was just a small child, trying to find my feet and had no understanding of the AIDS epidemic beginning to sweep the World. It is still a shock to me now, that gay men refused to accept this virus could kill them, and it was all made up in the minds of those at the top, to stop them having sex with each other. The links to the COVID pandemic today are stark and clear. Coronavirus deniers, like those who rejected the existence of AIDS, are as vocal today as they ever were. In the 1980s HIV/AIDS was an imaginary illness, propagated to eradicate homosexuality. Here in 2021, COVID is a hoax and a ploy to control the masses. For those of us who lived through the worst of the AIDS crisis, this is a repeat of the same idiocy, indistinguishable stupidity and identical misrepresentation touted forty years ago, a dangerous repudiation of the facts in the face of disaster. We are indeed repeating the mistakes of the past.

Although I enjoyed watching 'It's a Sin' over the last few days, I have been left feeling rather melancholy and downhearted. This series was poignant, moving, wonderfully acted and full of memories from my past. However, it was also extremely painful to watch, triggering some significantly upsetting and uncomfortable evocations, I thought I had laid to rest years ago. It is clear that no matter how traumatic the 1980s were, they will never leave my consciousness. The pandemic we are living through today, will equally remain a tragic reminder of, the mistakes made by people who understood  nothing from history and the failings we never seem to redress. Once again a generation will pay for the miscalculations of the few and the irresponsibility of the ignorant!