It's Friday, not a day I usually blog, because I am normally beavering away at work by now, however this week, once again, I am self Isolating. Yesterday I received yet another message from 'Track and Trace,' to isolate, after coming into contact with someone who has reported they have Coronavirus symptoms. I've lost count how many times I have had to do this now, but it must be about three or four. Yes it is tiresome, inconvenient and exasperating, but unlike others, I understand the importance of doing it. It was interesting to see on the news last night, that around twenty-eight thousand  people are actually ignoring the notifications and carrying on as normal. Why, just why would you? If you have the app on your phone, follow it and do the right thing for Christ’s sake, it is your civic duty.

As usual, I have no idea how or why I came into contact with whoever this person is, but I have a good idea. When I am working, I am protected from the general public by a perspex shield, so there is no need to have my 'Track and Trace' app turned on. In fact the service have told me to turn it off. Nevertheless, I did have a Hospital Appointment on the day I would have been exposed, so this could be the reason why I am isolating yet again. Like everyone else I will never know who gave my details and I will remain in the dark, which is probably a good thing.

I do have concern about the timings involved. I received a message yesterday to isolate for five days, which means If I did have COVID-19, I would have been walking around for five days, following my usual routine, not knowing I could have been passing on this deadly virus. One can only assume the person who reported symptoms, didn't do so soon enough or the results of the test came through later than one would have expected. It is so important people are notified quickly, to stop the spread; this is the second time I have had a very short quarantine period, which says something is going wrong with the system. Let's hope that the Government gets its act together and of course the public actually follow the rules and report symptoms as soon as they get them!

On a positive note, it is great to see the UK's vaccination programme really ramping up. When I listened to the news yesterday, ten and a half million people had already received their first dose of the vaccine. This is great news; the sooner all of us are immunised, the quicker we will get back to normal. The crucial thing is, everyone who is offered a jab, takes the jab. I am sick and tired of the conspiracy theories and the anti-vaxxers. These people know nothing about this virus and its impact on families and need to take a long hard look at themselves. Their views are abhorrent and wrong and deserve no air time. Shocking scenes of these people storming hospital wards, accusing health care professionals of 'murder' is beyond comprehension, It highlights the odious lack of understanding and education. It is an appalling indictment on a small, yet vocal minority of the population, that mistakenly believe this virus is a hoax, it just makes me want to cry!

One piece of news I did find a little hard to stomach this week, was Europe's reaction to our Vaccination programme. Predictably, they slammed our efforts, implying we were taking risks with peoples lives, having not tested the vaccines properly. At one stage they threatened Britain with a hard Northern Irish border, trying to divert valuable medicines to the European Union. The vindictive nature of their behaviour, trying to restrict the amount of vaccine made in the EU, travelling to the UK, because we had actually ordered and secured batches three months before, beggars belief. They were willing to disrupt supply to those who needed it most, in order to save face. It is their bureaucracy that has delayed their immunisation programme; it has nothing to do with us. Luckily they backed down at the last minute as Europe invariably does. My love hate relationship with Europe has once again been tested. Having reversed my stance on Brexit, I was once again brought to boiling point, by Europe's actions. Their conduct is the reason I voted to leave, this just creates more negativity, when we should all be working together.

This week we saw the death of a hero, the superstar of this pandemic, an ex serviceman, Knight of the Realm and champion of the National Health Service. Sadly Captain Sir Tom Moore, who raised thirty-nine million pounds for NHS charities died of Pneumonia and Coronavirus, succumbing to the disease, he had fought against throughout 2020. This man, who in his 99th year, walked a hundred laps of his garden, raising millions, was a loss that's hard to countenance.

Sir Tom was the constant in all our lives last year; his positive outlook, cheerful disposition and stoicism in the face of tragedy carried all of us through the worst of the pandemic. This national treasure was an inspiration during dark times, a man who encouraged many to raise yet more money for charities up and down the country and was known throughout the World for his efforts. Losing this gentle soul in his 100th year, was a tragic day for everyone with an ounce of empathy and compassion. His loss will be felt by all of us, especially his family and those who knew him best.

I would like to offer my sincere condolences to Sir Toms family at this sad time and hope his legacy will live on, long after the pandemic has gone. It is people like him that epitomise the plucky British spirit, sense of duty and strength in the face of adversity. A man unknown just a year ago, rose to the challenges of a virus, that could have taken his life at any stage and became a living, breathing hero, who none of us will forget. The man of the moment will forever live in the hearts of a nation who needed his courage, in order to face the challenges ahead. His achievements will always be remembered, in death as they were in life.

I did manage to speak to Darrell briefly over the last few days and he is phoning me every day whilst I am self isolating. To be honest it is the only time we actually get to talk more often. Having to lock myself away for a week isn't ideal, but it does give me a little bit of 'me' time that I wouldn't otherwise have.

Darrell has also been isolating this week, not because of possible contact with someone who has tested positive for COVID, but because Western Australia entered a brief total lockdown. A security guard, tested positive for the more deadly UK strain and had been working several jobs, bringing him into contact with many different people. The authorities there were understandably concerned about a potential outbreak and immediately did the right thing, closing the state.

Darrell was unsurprisingly frustrated; unlike us Brits, he isn't used to the mandatory mask wearing and rule adherence. When I phoned him today, he told me they had come out of lockdown, after everyone who had come into contact with the virus had tested negative. Once again I can't fault Australia for their quick reaction to a situation, that could have so quickly got out of hand and once again Darrell and Mum can breathe a sigh of relief.

Bush fires have also been raging in Western Australia, just 2 km from where we used to live in Ellenbrook. Of course this isn't entirely unusual, but their proximity to the city is and is also a concern for Darrell and the residents who live there.

Wherever you are in the World at the moment, there does seem to be an overbearing number of problems and disturbances to deal with - COVID, wildfires, political unrest in Burma, famine in Africa and the after effects of Brexit. All of these issues seem to indicate a time of turbulence, that I haven't really witnessed in my lifetime. As a planet we have enjoyed prosperity and progress up to now and enjoyed a relatively peaceful period, free from the unrest and turmoil of the past. 2020 has shown us, fate is always round the corner waiting to rear its ugly head and all of us should prepare for the worst. My generation had become too complacent, it's time all of us woke up to the challenges, that will dominate all our lives from now on.

So, I have another four days of self-isolation to go before I can get back to work, which is going to drive me bonkers once again. I am taking the opportunity to catch up on some reading, blogging and sorting out by IBS symptoms. Today I am fasting for twenty-four hours, which always helps to reset my stomach. Already the pain has subsided, as I just drink green tea and water, and although I am feeling a bit dizzy and tired, I am at least enjoying the benefits of a pain free day.

I'm not really sure why fasting helps, but from what I believe it is about giving the stomach time to rest, without having to process any food; whatever the reasons, it seems to work for me. At a time when all of us should be thinking about our own personal well-being, exercising, eating healthily and doing whatever we can to avoid the terrible effects of Coronavirus, should we be unfortunate to contract it, it is important for me at least to look after my digestive system. When my tummy feels good, so do I. If I can only lower my stress levels as well, I should hopefully weather the storm until it is my turn to be vaccinated, until then it will be more of the same - isolating, mask wearing, social distancing and sanitizing one's hands. Nothing lasts forever and like all of you, I long for the day life returns to normal; stay safe everyone, stay safe!

I've had three days off work with plenty of things to do, but have actually done very little if I am honest. I started watching the five part Channel 4 drama 'It's a Sin' on Friday, and it has kind of taken over my thoughts. On Saturday, I did manage to get out and go for a seven-mile walk, but even then, I just couldn't stop thinking about this programme. Walking around Portsmouth, I felt lucky to be alive, enjoying the sea air, beautiful scenery and timeless coastline, that I have visited many times before. Nevertheless, as I sat on South Parade Pier, looking out across the water, I remembered a time, not so long ago, when my life wasn't so simple, a period not unlike today, full of fear and anxiety.

'It's a Sin' took me back to the 1980s, growing up gay during the AIDS epidemic and at a time of great social change, trying to discover who I really was, surrounded by hate, disapproval and trepidation. When I look back to my teenage years, I am reminded of the pain and difficulties I went through, trying to 'come out' in a World that just didn't care. There was no understanding or acceptance from those I regarded as close, because they never knew I was gay. There was no shoulder to cry on, when my feelings for someone else, weren't reciprocated, because they didn't see me as I really was. Above all there was no support when I needed it most, because I wasn't allowed to ask the right questions, seek the correct answers, or talk to somebody, anybody who could help me figure out the feelings I wrestled with every day. I was alone, unhappy, frightened and scared, during a period when gay men were hidden from society, afraid to admit their sexuality.

Towards the end of the 1980s I was fully aware 'people like me' were falling ill, dying alone, rejected by family and friends and unable to be close to partners. Thrown to the sidelines, by bitter, vindictive parents, who only saw them as the catalyst for their sons 'perverted' lifestyle, they were left to pick up the pieces, often without recognition of a lifetime spent with the person they loved. This was an undemonstrative time, where most people only thought about themselves, greed was the religion of the day and gay men like me were left abandoned and alone, by the very people who should have been there for us; this was the saddest time of my life!

During the early 1980s, I was just a small child, trying to find my feet and had no understanding of the AIDS epidemic beginning to sweep the World. It is still a shock to me now, that gay men refused to accept this virus could kill them, and it was all made up in the minds of those at the top, to stop them having sex with each other. The links to the COVID pandemic today are stark and clear. Coronavirus deniers, like those who rejected the existence of AIDS, are as vocal today as they ever were. In the 1980s HIV/AIDS was an imaginary illness, propagated to eradicate homosexuality. Here in 2021, COVID is a hoax and a ploy to control the masses. For those of us who lived through the worst of the AIDS crisis, this is a repeat of the same idiocy, indistinguishable stupidity and identical misrepresentation touted forty years ago, a dangerous repudiation of the facts in the face of disaster. We are indeed repeating the mistakes of the past.

Although I enjoyed watching 'It's a Sin' over the last few days, I have been left feeling rather melancholy and downhearted. This series was poignant, moving, wonderfully acted and full of memories from my past. However, it was also extremely painful to watch, triggering some significantly upsetting and uncomfortable evocations, I thought I had laid to rest years ago. It is clear that no matter how traumatic the 1980s were, they will never leave my consciousness. The pandemic we are living through today, will equally remain a tragic reminder of, the mistakes made by people who understood  nothing from history and the failings we never seem to redress. Once again a generation will pay for the miscalculations of the few and the irresponsibility of the ignorant!

Wasn't yesterday a great day, it really did feel like the end of a terrible era. The worst President in American history, Donald Trump, finally left the White House, skulking away through the back door, flying to his estate in Florida. In typical Trumpian, narcissistic style, he chose to leave whilst he was still President, allowing him to use the trappings of power, including Air Force One, to send him on his way. As the plane left Andrews Air Force Base, to the words of Frank Sinatra's 'My Way,' I was struck by the disingenuous manner of his leaving, an appalling spectacle right to the end. I will certainly shed no tears and just hope he disappears down the very dark hole he came from. However, like most people, I have a terrible feeling this won't be the last we see of him.

In contrast, a very humble, gentle new President Biden, gave a speech of unity, compassion and respect during his inauguration ceremony at The Capitol in Washington. This mild-mannered 78-year-old spoke eloquently about his love of America, the dreadful divisions that had been a hallmark of ex President Trump's tenure and promised to undo the wrongs of the last four years. The integrity this new Head of State has shown throughout the election campaign and quiet dignity, in the face of riots, insurrection and demonstrations, has been a refreshing insight into the man who is now Commander in Chief of the United States. Like most people I breathed a sigh of relief, as I realised the nightmare was finally over!

America has been left in an atrocious state, after Trump's term in office. Over four hundred thousand people have died in The US during this pandemic, from every corner of the country. Millions of people have lost their jobs and homes, unemployment is out of control and discrimination in all its forms is running rampant. Looking in, I am shocked at the disarray, in a country once so admired throughout the World, as a beacon of democracy, even as we deal with our own failings in the UK. The new President has much to do, as he unpicks the harm done to the United States; the task is daunting, but his message is clear - acceptance, compassion and reconciliation, offering hope in a nation so fractured and broken, after four years of hell!

I don't mind admitting, I was quite emotional yesterday, as I watched the inauguration ceremony live on television. The last year have been so awful, in every respect for me personally, it felt like a great weight had been lifted from my shoulders, as the new President took office. It is unusual for me to have such firm opinions of a man who is not our Head of State, but the previous occupant of the Oval Office, was so damaging and hateful, it affected people like me from every corner of the globe. The relief I feel, is nothing my American Brothers and Sisters must be feeling today. It is a mark of just how damaging the Trump era was, that someone like me, can hold such strong views; I am just glad we finally have a President with empathy and dignity, vision and humility at a time when all of us need hope for the future.

I wish President Biden well in his new position, as I'm sure all of us do. I hope he begins to right the wrongs of the past and tries to bring all sides together, in such a divided country. Donald Trump won't go away easily, I have a feeling that man will be back, peddling his right wing propaganda before long, stirring up hatred and rallying his supporters. It is up to the American voters to ultimately have their say, as they sit in judgement of the new President, but let's hope they give him the support he needs to lift the USA out of despair and open a new chapter in the history of this great and powerful nation!

When I got home from work last night, I was greeted by scenes of absolute carnage in America. As a 'newshound' I can often sit watching rolling news programmes all day, so I always switch on the television when I get home after my shift; last night I was shocked by the appalling drama unfolding, as 'Trump' protesters stormed the Capitol building in Washington. This was yet another example of the tumultuous times we are currently living through; there seems to be no let up in the never ending spectacle engulfing the World at the moment. For someone like me, who has my own personal demons to fight, this was just another World event, that slid straight off my back; I hardly blinked an eye.

2020 was a terrible year, a time all of us just want to forget. Not one day has passed without me feeling anxious and worried; there hasn't been one minute, when I haven't thought about the pandemic and the dreadful state of the World, we all now inhabit. This horrifying juncture has brought our own mortality hurtling headlong into our thoughts, there is literally no getting away from the death that surrounds us every day. I think each of us was hoping for a better, more subtle and calming start to 2021, but nothing could be further from the truth.

The first week of the new year has seen Britain return to a full national lockdown. A new variant of the Coronavirus is ravaging the population of these islands, just yesterday there were 1041 deaths and over 62000 new cases reported. We are in a very dangerous period, where no one is certain of the outcome. This new development in the life of COVID-19, is another terrible milestone in this pandemic and without a lockdown, the National Health Service would have been over run and thousands upon thousands of people would have lost their lives. As it stands now, it is likely we will reach the grim prospect of 100,000 deaths in a relatively short space of time.

In normal times, the behaviour of a far right fascist President of the United States, would be even more shocking than it is today. However, like most people I have become rather desensitised to the madness in the Whitehouse. The four years this man has been in power, has seen a gradual erosion of standards in public life. His views on equality, race, women and sexuality has descended into a quagmire, a cesspit of disgusting views, violent incitement and other wordly vitriol. This man has brought the American Presidency and the country to its knees. The loss of respect for this once great nation is clear for all to see; the burning embers of anger shroud this narcissistic tyrant and expose him for this bigot he truly is.

During our conversation this morning, Darrell and I spoke about events around the globe, as we always do. He said how he didn't recognise the World any more and like me remains in a state of apprehension about the future. I feel like I am living through a terrible nightmare at the moment, one with no end in site. Everything I believe in - respect for others, dignity, fairness, equality and common decency just doesn't exist any more. People no longer care for their friends and neighbours, ignore warnings about the pandemic, cheer on a President who epitomises hate and trample over anyone who gets in their way. This is not a World I understand or want to be a part of, this is a violent, uncaring, dispassionate and impervious Earth, crumbling under pressure, dying before our very eyes.

This is only the beginning of 2021, there is plenty of time to end this year on a high. COVID vaccines are rolling out across this country, over a million and a half people have had the jab already. Joe Biden has been duly elected as the 46th President of the United States and will usher in a new term of reconciliation and statesmanship, returning sobriety to the office of the President. There is also a repeat of 'clapping for heroes,' beginning tonight, showing respect for our key workers during this pandemic and on a personal note, I am finally looking forward to seeing Darrell this year. A year that has started at such a low point, can illuminate the path to enlightenment and a return to normality, after  such a period of anguish. Let's make this year the best ever and lay this awful time to rest!

To be honest, I've not had the best of weeks; these past seven days, the weather has been particularly awful and I've just felt like hibernating. I am an Anglophile through and through and love most things British, but the winter just gets me down. The cold and damp has always played havoc with my joints and I really have been experiencing a lot of rheumatic pain, something I avoided when living in Spain. If there was ever a reason to return to Iberia, this is the main one; if it wasn't for the pandemic, I would be on a plane right now, heading for the sun.

I have been trying to catch up on some reading, a pleasure I just haven't had time for until recently. With a busy life, I just don't seem to be able to sit down and escape into a good book; lockdown II has changed all that. About three months ago I started to read 'Too Much and Never Enough' by Mary Trump. This book is written by Donald Trump's Niece and exposes the President for the narcissistic person he really is; it is an insight into the 'real' man who reached the highest office in The United States. This was the book that really began to open my eyes up, to what Donald Trump is really all about and it is a fascinating read.

In the middle of the week we finally discovered who won the United States election; it was a relief to discover that Joe Biden would be the next President and the World would finally see the back of Donald Trump. The last four years have been traumatic, a disaster for the World; one man has single-handedly destroyed the reputation of a country and personally overseen the deaths of a quarter of a million Americans, in the midst of the biggest crisis to envelope the World in a hundred years.

Both Darrell and I have witnessed the like of Donald Trump before. Working for Oxfam taught us a great many lessons, about the terrible nature of sociopathic and narcissistic personalities. Both of us suffered for years at the hands of people, who only thought about themselves and couldn't care less whether we lived or died. I have written a lot about this subject and even gave evidence to the Oxfam inquiry, against people who had no place in normal society. I had my day, I was finally given a voice and I learnt to never  trust anyone again.

The Trump Presidency has highlighted some truly terrible injustices and has given rise to bigotry, discrimination and legitimised racism and intolerance. I have felt a deep sense of sadness and upset at what civilisation has become; the rise of nationalistic hate and the lies' perpetuated by a man who was unfit to govern. Today I am living in a World I don't recognise and a period in time that has shamed us all. Those who have turned a blind eye to what has transpired, are responsible for the hate, acrimony and contempt, directed towards anyone who is different, to what others perceive as normal. This has not been a great time to be alive; I have wished to return to the old normal so many times; I miss my previous life, my husband and the dreams I had.

The election of a new President should begin  a process of healing, not only for Americans, but for the rest of the World. It is true to say that the Trump era has caused me no end of stress, just because of who he is and what he stands for. I have always been an anxious person, but turning on a television set and watching a man, so animated with rage and anger, provoking the rest of us into reacting negatively, has been a tremendously debilitating and exhausting time; it has caused great damage to the psyche of any balanced, rational and sensible, level-headed person. Like most of us, I need a rest from all this disarray and time to recover from this lamentable chapter in history.

I would like to congratulate the new President of the United States and wish him well in his new brief. Bringing America, indeed the rest of the planet back together again, after four years of hell isn't going to be easy. He has a Herculean task ahead of him, helping to pick up the pieces of a broken planet. The end of Presidents Trump's Presidency should be the beginning of hope and renewal; empowering a nation, where everyone feels included should be the first steps, at the start of a COVID free World. I am confident, that in time, all of us will conquer our demons, regain the empathy we lost and finally lay the 45th President of the United States to rest!

Yesterday all of us working at The Newcome Arms said farewell to our customers, as we closed the doors for the last time before Britain once again locked down. I have now been furloughed along with many others, until the Government tell us we can open again. Despite being sad at not being able to see regular customers and colleagues, I am grateful to be away from the impending second wave that is now gripping the country. With five hundred people dying yesterday alone, I am well aware of the dangers of this virus. It seems we could be in for a worse ride than we had before. I will of course still be working else where, but selling beer behind a bar is now an illegal activity, in this strange new World all of us now inhabit.

Saying goodbye to everyone yesterday was a difficult affair, just as it was the first time we closed. Not knowing how others are doing during this particularly challenging time, is going to be hard. It was a testing night overall and not an evening I want to repeat, but I am at least one of the lucky ones; I still have a job and I'm getting paid. If all goes to plan, we will be open again in four weeks, somehow, I don't think that will happen and the lockdown will probably last longer than expected. Until all of us meet again, we just have to make the best of a bad situation; this will not last forever.

I had to go into town this morning to do some banking and again, just like eight months ago, the place was deserted. The streets were clear, hardly anyone was about and shops and businesses were closed. Portsmouth looked like a ghost town and I felt like I had entered a different World. The city centre is usually busy, bustling and full of voices, teeming with life, especially at this time of year. Not knowing when this current lockdown will end is disconcerting, it is a rather disturbing scene to witness, a scene not dissimilar to movies I have watched in the past, documenting the end of the World.

Of course, I will still have contact with others, especially at work, but I am concerned about those who live alone. Particularly vulnerable, are people who were shielding during the first wave of the pandemic and are no longer required to do so. Many of them are choosing to stay at home anyway, for their safety; a difficult decision, but a welcome one. Isolation and despair are common symptoms at this uncertain time and that is troublesome for the more exposed in society. Walking around the quiet streets today, I also felt very much alone with my thoughts, able to contemplate the future and think about my own anxieties. This is going to be another solitary time for me and I will do my best to embrace it, as I did at the beginning of the year.

I hope to once again spend time walking across the city, but with Christmas coming work will of course take priority. The weather is cold and uninviting, not ideal for exploring this great naval city, but it is something I have to do, if only to stay fit, healthy and sane at this time. Being able to clear one's head, shake away the cobwebs and breathe in the sea air is a must. I am however mindful of my aches and pains and have to take care I am not over doing it. Unlike last time I will not be walking seven miles a day; when one is on one's feet all day at work, a little rest is probably more beneficial than a long distance walk in the rain.

Speaking to Darrell today I was conscious of the huge differences in the direction we are both following in our respective countries. Sat with his Mother, friend Beth, drinking a pot of tea outside Woolworth's in Perth, they were all enjoying a normal life. No masks, no social distancing, no hand sanitizing; all of us are living in significantly different Worlds. The contrast is stark and clear for all to see. How could two countries, both islands, do things so differently? One successful, in more or less eliminating the virus, the other, still suffering through inaction, dither, ignorance and a failure to understand the pandemic that is ripping across the World. I am astounded that Boris Johnson and his Government are not being held more accountable for such monumental failures of judgement and hope in time that will change. It is shocking just how many mistakes have been made.

The next few weeks and months are going to be difficult, as we all try and survive this winter lockdown. The pressures on the health service and the rest of us will undoubtedly take its toll, but it is up to each of us to stay safe and look out for one another. All of us hope this closure will only last until 2 December, but that of course depends on how we all act. In Australia, everyone understood the importance of social distancing, mask wearing and hygiene, here, people seem to be ignoring basic logic when carrying out their daily tasks. Whether they are belligerent with fatigue or confused by the Government's mixed messages up to now, nobody really knows, but their actions will cost lives. Now is the time to act responsibly and follow the rules and hopefully we can all enjoy the family Christmas we planned, looking forward to a pragmatic and hopefully productive new year!

On Saturday the Prime Minister announced a second lockdown to begin from Thursday. I was working at The Newcome at the time, as all of us waited with bated breath for the details of exactly what was going to happen. From Wednesday evening, along with many millions of us, I will be furloughed once again, as the pub I work for closes its doors for a second time. Each of us who work there, were prepared for this day, but it doesn't make it any easier to cope with. The mental health of workers, up and down the nation is beginning to suffer, as each of us battle our way through this turmoil. We have to learn to look towards a positive future, rather than constantly looking back at a time, all of us will need to forget, in order to move on.

I had a brief telephone call with Darrell this morning, just to make sure everything was OK in Australia. There is so much death and pain in the UK at the moment, that it does make a pleasant change to hear good news, from the other side of the World.

Australia, like New Zealand, has handled this pandemic well, far better than us. Darrell told me that Western Australia is beginning to open up to the rest of the country, in a way it hasn't up to now. Western Australia's isolationist stance has sheltered it from the worst of COVID and as a result life has carried on as normal. Naturally Darrell is concerned about what is happening here, and like everyone else, shocked at the mess Britain is in. Both of us are still working towards seeing each other next year, but we are not holding our breath; this is a virus that keeps on giving and who knows where we will be in a twelve months time.

Looking back to the first lockdown, 8 months ago, it was a particularly difficult time for me. Like most people my anxiety levels were high and the fear I experienced on a daily basis was palpable. I withdrew from life in a way I have never done before, attending only my core hours at work and for the first time ever, undertaking an exercise regime, walking from one side of Portsmouth to the other. Physically I felt fit but emotionally and mentally I was drained and dreadfully unhappy. Lockdown life had taken its toll and the repercussions have been difficult to shake.

Only recently I was able to resume normal activities, interacting with friends and family and working overtime when I am able. My anxiety had all but disappeared, and I was happy with my life, despite the pandemic simmering under the surface. Surrounded by good people, mates and work colleagues, I was able to overcome my trepidation surrounding the virus and get back to a sense of normality, that only existed before COVID drove headlong into all our lives. Of course nothing is forever and for the last month I have been preparing for this very day once again; deaths are rising at an alarming rate and all of us are now faced with the prospect of living through yet more hard times, away from loved ones, isolated at home.

It is ironic that just as I have become used to the 'new normal,' we are returning to the Draconian measures employed during the first wave; I have once again begun to feel anxious about the weeks and months ahead. The World I had created recently, involving a few close friends, colleagues and family, has suddenly become out of reach again and lockdown part two is about to take centre stage. As the NHS battles to save lives, Zoom calls will become the norm, a telephone call becomes the only interaction we are likely to have and separation, segregation and quarantine is necessary to stem the tide of the virus.

The mixed messages, confusion and incompetence, our Government has exemplified over the course of this pandemic, have highlighted the failings that have brought us to where we are today. Boris and his bunch of nobodies, has brought this country to its knees and as much as I will follow the rules, I am becoming increasingly weary of the flip-flopping inconsistency and lack of clarity shown by this shoddy Government. They accept the scientific advice when it suits them and disregard it when it promotes their agenda. I am exasperated by the appalling lack of judgement and failure to learn from the mistakes of the past. If we want to understand the course of the virus, we only have to look to Europe and the rest of the World for answers. We have been blinkered as a nation and refused to accept restrictions of liberty in order to save lives; that is a terrible indictment on all of us.

If we are going to survive the next few months, we need to do what's right for us now. We need to follow our own set of rules to remain safe and stop trying to make sense of the Governments guidelines. Confused about what we can and can't do, I have stopped trying to understand the regulations. I just can't worry and stress any more, about circumstances that are being ignored and exploited by others. I know the right thing to do - washing my hands, socially distancing and wearing a facemask and as long as I continue doing that, I feel content with my response.

As the curtain falls on the new normal once again, I am looking forwards to a little bit of 'me time.' I will embrace a return to diminution, curtail my activities and sink back into hibernation. I am well-used to spending time unaccompanied and thankfully enjoy my own company, so for me this isn't a difficult process in the short term. For others, a return to lockdown will be hard and I will do all I can to reach out to them; people are social animals, we all need someone. As I continue on my journey away from those I love, I will always have an open heart for anyone who needs a hug, even if it is given virtually. Good luck to all of you once again, I'm at the end of a phone if you ever need to talk, we will all get through this together I'm sure and see one another on the other side!

Coronavirus knows no bounds and its latest victim is no less a person than Donald Trump, The President of the United States. When I woke up this morning, the World was just beginning to digest the terrifying news, that the leader of the free World had caught COVID-19. This was dreadful news for America, coming just four weeks before the Presidential election; Mr Trump will now have to self-isolate for fourteen days. Of course nobody can be sure just how this will pan out, but if he recuperates well, he should be back on the campaign trail in a fortnight. Despite my dislike of his policies, I wish him and the First Lady, who also tested positive, well.

It is ironic that a man who constantly criticised his opponent Joe Biden for wearing a mask, is now suffering due to his lack of precautionary measures. This is a man who only recently started wearing a face covering himself and it is likely he has infected others in his Whitehouse team. I find his handling of the pandemic appalling and his reluctance to wear a mask shocking, considering the huge loss of life in the United States. The next week will determine just how bad things will get for the President, he is after all in a high risk category; at 74 years of age he is clinically obese; nevertheless despite this, statistically he is likely to pull through. There is of course lessons to be learned for all of us and the hope is people will finally wake up to the enormity of the threat at hand.

All of us should follow Government guidelines and wear coverings in public spaces. Remaining at a safe social distance is also necessary to stop the spread of COVID and not mixing with other households is a must. I am not visiting anyone now, and I am keeping clear of everyone who I don't personally know. The only real contact I have with people are those I work with and close family, even then I am mindful of the situation we all find ourselves in and keep a safe distance.

I was able to at least see family this week and spent a few hours walking through the cemetery feeding the squirrels with my Aunt, Cousin Rachel and the kids. All of us met outside in order to limit as much contact as we can. As the Coronavirus total continues to rise, I am once again  becoming rather anxious about the difficulties we are now all facing; I want to do as much as I can to protect those around me. I haven't seen my Cousins for quite a while, so it was wonderful to just relax in their company for a short while.

On the theme of 'doing the right thing,' I have continued to get to grips with my health issues, that have become more visible recently. Yesterday I had a physiotherapy session, where I was referred for more blood tests, this time for Rheumatoid Arthritis and Ankylosing Spondylitis. The consultant believes I have symptoms consistent with both conditions and wants to rule them in or out before we carry on with the sessions. These are not diseases I know anything about and for the first time I haven't googled their symptoms. It is important to find out exactly what is happening with my general well-being now, as I approach my 50th year, and I am glad the Doctors are doing what they can to ensure I understand the nature of the pain I am now experiencing.

Darrell and I are keeping very much to our 'family toast' tradition each week and yesterday we had our usual photo together, taken on different sides of the World. 'Doing the right thing' and keeping our relationship alive under the most difficult circumstances is important, even today. In fact, we have spoken every day this week, which has helped our situation feel more normal.

At our age we are lucky to still have each other and understand the importance of our relationship, now more than ever. This pandemic has indeed been a terrible juncture in all our lives, but for Darrell and I, it has cemented our partnership firmly together. We have overcome so many obstacles during our 25 years together that we aren't going to let a virus get in the way of our happiness. When all this is over, we can at least add COVID-19 to our list of boundaries crossed and struggles conquered. As long as we continue 'doing the right thing' both of us will come together stronger than ever... Just like all of you, but until then we will continue to fight, learning from our mistakes, remembering the good times and always, always looking forwards!

Today, the Governments new 'rule of six' has been introduced across the nation. No more than six people are allowed to meet together, as the number of UK Coronavirus cases rise to more than three thousand a day. It is clear we are heading towards a second COVID wave and the coming weeks will determine the course of this deadly virus. Whether the public take notice of this new directive, only time will tell, but I don't have high hopes. Walking around the streets of Portsmouth over the last few days, just before 'the rule of six' came into force, I was shocked by the number of people in the streets, partying, as if nothing was going on!

Like most people, I am confused by everything that has been implemented thus far. I have no idea if we should still be following the 'bubble' strategy that was introduced months ago, allowing households to socialise with other single people, or if we can still meet in groups outside in an open space, following social distancing rules. The truth is, I no longer understand what is going on. I am so bewildered by this whole fiasco, that I am no longer following any of the laws introduced by this Government and that's not for want of trying. It's not that I set out to break the rules, but rather, I find it impossible to decipher them sufficiently.

At the height of the Coronavirus pandemic, the Government reported information daily. All of us were able to listen to Ministers explain the situation and tried to follow what we were being told to do. Despite my misgivings, I did my best to conform to the new normal and applied the edicts to my life as well as I could. Don't get me wrong I still felt muddled at the chaotic advice, but at least I was given enough information to make an informed decision about what I should do.

Today there are no scheduled daily briefings and the information we have is confusing and lacking detail. There are so many rules and regulations at play now, that I have lost the will to live. If I am disoriented, then God knows how the rest of you feel. I have always taken and interest in politics and current affairs and watch the news several times a day, so for someone, who shows no interest in international events, there must be even more exasperation. I find myself shrugging and throwing my hands in the air, irritated and aggravated, more often now than ever, and I am not the only one.

Whoever I talk to, I am struck by the lack of understanding on the pandemic guidelines, designed to make us all safe. I was given different answers and interpretations of processes that should have been easy to understand. How can this Government expect us to toe the line, when Ministers interviewed on television don't understand the implications themselves. This is a Government that picks and choses their own directives to follow, yet expects us to do as we are told,  without question. If I understood just what was expected of me, then I would have no issue, but I don't and am sick of the empty platitudes, patronising campaigns and lack of clarity. This is a Government that has failed and doesn't deserve our support; I feel ashamed to call myself British!

I will continue doing what I always do; I will limit contact with friends and family, as I have always done, wear a mask in public places and keep two meters away from others. I do not comprehend the concept of 'bubbles' or 'the rule of six' so have dismissed their relevance in my life. All I do is work, eat and sleep, I don't socialise or have close apposition with anyone and that will remain. My life has become dull and boring, without laughter and joy and that makes me sad, but without my husband home with me, that will always be the case; I am really just going through the motions, staying safe and waiting for the end of this terrible time in my life. My advice to all of you, is do what you think is best. You all understand the risks and the need to wash hands and socially distance, you don't need an inept Government telling you accordingly. When all this is over, look back at your response and feel proud of your efforts, unlike Boris and his motley crew of bandits who lost the plot months ago!

Yesterday HM The Queen celebrated her Official 94th Birthday at Windsor Castle. Usually the occasion would be marked with the traditional Trooping The Colour ceremony, at Horse Guards Parade in London. However, we are in extraordinary times and The Queen like others of her age continues to shield at her Windsor home.

The Queens chapter of isolation during a pandemic that has taken nearly 42,000 lives so far, has been the longest period we haven't seen our Monarch. So it was wonderful to see her yesterday, enjoying what has been dubbed 'a mini Trooping the Colour,' surrounded by some of her twenty plus staff, that have been isolating with her, ensuring her and Prince Phillip are kept safe and well. She cut a lonely figure sat in a chair, watching guardsman give their tribute to her on this official occasion, but the messaged it conveyed to the rest of the United Kingdom, was important - The Queen signalled the beginning of the end of lockdown.

This was the first state  event we have witnessed since Britain went into lockdown and it was a reminder of the strange period we are living through. The pomp and ceremony was uniquely British and all of those who watched the days proceedings, were left in awe at the deeply personal tribute to our Queen, at such a difficult time for the Country.

It is likely that Her Majesty will remain shielded for a long time yet, as other members of the Royal Family step up and begin to restart their roles, in the face of this terrible virus. The Princess Royal is the first member of the family to begin her royal duties this week and Prince Charles and The Duchess of Cornwall are returning to London at the end of the week, to greet President Macron of France, as everyone gently comes out of this period of isolation and picks up the pieces of their life, interrupted at the end of March.

All member of the Royal household have been pro active during the last three months, using technology to keep in contact with the nation. Prince William and The Duchess of Cambridge have often been seen skyping the charities they support, Prince Charles and others have been observed opening 'Nightingale Hospitals' via video link and even The Queen herself has taken part in 'Zoom' calls to Carers and health workers. This may well have been an interval of great foreboding, but all of us have been buoyed and reassured by the presence of our Head of State and the family who act on her behalf.

A very Happy Birthday Your Majesty, thank you for being the constant in all our lives!