It was back to work at The Newcome last night, as the pub opened once again. After 104 days of closure the doors were finally opened and with restrictions in place we all welcomed back our customers into the fold.

I was nervous at what to expect, but with so many familiar faces I soon felt very much at home. After nearly four months away everyone had changed in looks - Big hair and even bigger stomachs. In some cases, others had even lost weight, looking fitter and trimmer, using lockdown as a springboard to exercise and lose a few pounds. It was strange to see everyone after such a long period of time, but within half an hour, it was like I had never been away!

The evening went well and the locals came out in force to support the pub. I am still very apprehensive given the circumstances we all still find ourselves in. The virus is still circulating in the community and all of us need to remain circumspect going about our daily lives.

Listening to the news this morning, it seems the antisocial behaviour, that alcohol consumption breeds is well and truly back and that really makes me sad. At a time when the country should be pulling together, to fight Coronavirus, the usual suspects are out and about causing mayhem, drinking heavily and fighting in the streets. My biggest fear when lockdown ended was this kind of thing happening once again; infection rates will rise and deaths will surely follow. The number of fatalities in this country are still in the hundreds, while the rest of Europe seems to have the outbreak under control, that is most concerning of all.

I will always do what I have to, to keep safe and continue to follow the social distancing regulations. I can't say that everyone else is doing the same. Working in a public house is high risk, and it is easy to see why. Drunken customers can find it impossible to socially distance, which is why all members of staff must make it even more of a priority and remove repeat offenders. These are only the first tentative steps towards the new normal, but they are big steps in the life of The Newcome Arms. The next few months will determine the shape of COVID-19 in Britain and all of us hope we don't see a spike in the coming weeks. If we want to get through this, we will have to do so together, helping one another and always, yes always doing the right thing!

On Saturday the 4th July The Newcome Public House reopens after three months of forced closure. The Government is finally allowing pubs, bars and restaurants to open, even though the UK's death and infection rate remains high. Hospitality venues up and down the country have to make difficult decisions, as they decide whether to open or not. This has been a difficult time for many businesses and in order to survive the coming months they need to restart where they left off and finally welcome back customers, after a traumatic few months away.

Like most people I am apprehensive about the next steps towards the new normal. I have worked public houses, whether here in Britain or Spain for around four years now and have never experienced such a stressful, debilitating time. I have always enjoyed serving customers, chatting over the bar and the social aspect of working in a pub, but today I just don't know what to expect, as The Newcome opens its doors once again and I start my shift on Saturday night.

I popped into work today to see how the preparations are going and Ellie seems to have everything in hand. New entrances and exits, hand sanitizer at every door and posters advertising the new rules and regulations to patrons, will now be common place. There will be no sitting at the bar, no disorderly conduct and no contact with staff. We are entering a new untested era, where the pandemic has taken over our everyday lives in a way we have not known before, so it is natural to feel nervous, just as I was working for Tesco during the first few weeks of lockdown.

Tesco's response during this national crisis has been exceptional. The safety of staff has always taken priority and it wasn't long before I felt safe enough to carry on working in a job I love. The Newcome is also introducing new measures and codes of conduct that have put my mind at ease somewhat. As long as customers behave sensibly I am confident this adjustment period will be a success.

It is crucial that local taverns open as soon as they are able. They remain the lifeblood of local communities up and down the country and without them, all of us will suffer, losing a major contribution to neighbourhood life. Support The Newcome however you can, be mindful of the staff who serve and understand the limitations this pandemic perpetuates. All of us will welcome you back with open arms, without the touching of course, and hope you will play a part in making The Newcome the success it always was!

Inspirational photographs at a time of crisis, creating positivity for the future!
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I was back out walking yesterday, for the first time in a week. Since going back to work and with the rain in constant flow, I haven't had as much time to do the things I would like. Nevertheless, I walked a healthy seven miles, down to the coast and back again, even though the sun barely peeped through the clouds.

I haven't been in the best frame of mind recently as you all know, having come to the end of an awful two weeks holiday, when I should have been away in the far east. I have probably had too much time on my hands and spent rather a lot of time thinking. Like everyone else I just want this terrible time to be over. This week was the first time in a while, that I really felt depressed; that hasn't happened for a long time. I have had down periods, but this has been a struggle to conquer and I have done my best to block it out and just carry on as normal.

I am finding people a strain; they are out in droves once again and ignoring Government guidelines, whilst the rest of us try to do the right thing. With lockdown measures eased dramatically, the country is getting back to some kind of normality. The trouble is, it isn't normal, and we are still in the middle of a pandemic, with deaths recorded in the hundreds and I fear things are going to get gradually worse again, unless people start taking notice of social distancing rules.

Last night I needed cheering up, so watched a film, I haven't seen since I lived in Spain, 'Beautiful Thing.' This amazing 'coming out' movie has great poignancy for Darrell and I, released just a year after we got together and always takes me back to our first few carefree years as a couple, before we began fighting for our right to remain in the UK as partners. Unless you are gay, you will really never understand the importance of 'coming out' to family and friends. Back in the early 1990s it was the biggest issue on my mind and really became the first thing I thought about when I woke up and the last thing I contemplated before I went to sleep.

As I'm sure you are aware by now, I didn't have an easy time of declaring my homosexuality and as such found 'Beautiful Thing' comforting at a very difficult time. Of course all of us are experiencing anguish and anxiety today, for very different reasons and once again I watched a film that has got me through some dark days in the past; by the end of it, I felt suitably relaxed and content. It has always been important for me to feel secure and well-adjusted in my environment, wherever I am; I certainly haven't had a lot of security in recent years, so anything that gives me a lift is welcome; I have even spent the afternoon today, watching Jane McDonald, cruising around the World; a reminder of happier times!

From watching retro television programmes, sorting through photographs, speaking to old friends on the telephone and writing about better moments in my life, I have done everything I can to feel comfortable during the last three months. For the most part, I did well, even surprising myself at times. I think all of us have to do what we can to get through the worst of the virus, all the while, remembering there are others worse off than us. With the easing of lockdown restrictions, it won't be too long before the most serious phase of this pandemic becomes a distant memory, and we all look forward to a new, untested future. We should however, never forget just what transpired in all our lives, after all we will all remember this period for generations to come, recalling events that made us the people we are today and hoping to god it never happens again!

With lockdown restrictions eased and groups of six adults allowed to meet in open spaces, I have finally been able to see some of my relations again. On Saturday we travelled to see my Cousin Emmy in Hayling Island, suitably distancing when we had to but always following Government guidelines. Sadly it will be awhile before I can see my Father and other members of my family, but at least all of us have started the process of reconnecting with loved ones!

Stay safe everyone!

Yesterday HM The Queen celebrated her Official 94th Birthday at Windsor Castle. Usually the occasion would be marked with the traditional Trooping The Colour ceremony, at Horse Guards Parade in London. However, we are in extraordinary times and The Queen like others of her age continues to shield at her Windsor home.

The Queens chapter of isolation during a pandemic that has taken nearly 42,000 lives so far, has been the longest period we haven't seen our Monarch. So it was wonderful to see her yesterday, enjoying what has been dubbed 'a mini Trooping the Colour,' surrounded by some of her twenty plus staff, that have been isolating with her, ensuring her and Prince Phillip are kept safe and well. She cut a lonely figure sat in a chair, watching guardsman give their tribute to her on this official occasion, but the messaged it conveyed to the rest of the United Kingdom, was important - The Queen signalled the beginning of the end of lockdown.

This was the first state  event we have witnessed since Britain went into lockdown and it was a reminder of the strange period we are living through. The pomp and ceremony was uniquely British and all of those who watched the days proceedings, were left in awe at the deeply personal tribute to our Queen, at such a difficult time for the Country.

It is likely that Her Majesty will remain shielded for a long time yet, as other members of the Royal Family step up and begin to restart their roles, in the face of this terrible virus. The Princess Royal is the first member of the family to begin her royal duties this week and Prince Charles and The Duchess of Cornwall are returning to London at the end of the week, to greet President Macron of France, as everyone gently comes out of this period of isolation and picks up the pieces of their life, interrupted at the end of March.

All member of the Royal household have been pro active during the last three months, using technology to keep in contact with the nation. Prince William and The Duchess of Cambridge have often been seen skyping the charities they support, Prince Charles and others have been observed opening 'Nightingale Hospitals' via video link and even The Queen herself has taken part in 'Zoom' calls to Carers and health workers. This may well have been an interval of great foreboding, but all of us have been buoyed and reassured by the presence of our Head of State and the family who act on her behalf.

A very Happy Birthday Your Majesty, thank you for being the constant in all our lives!

Some more photographs from in and around Portsmouth, whilst out walking during this lockdown period. To be honest I have been feeling a little down recently and walking is the only thing that takes my mind off my troubles. I am finding life pretty difficult at the moment, probably like all of us. Without the support of my partner and a constant feeling of isolation, I am starting to wonder why I am still in Britain.

Having two weeks holiday and doing absolutely nothing, spending every day on my own predominantly has brought out the worst in me, as I try to work my way through the loneliness. The stress and anxiety that plays such a large role in my life has now become the focus of my thoughts, every day. When I wake up in the morning, I am constantly reminded of the things I hate about myself the most - my consternation, uneasiness, worries, apprehension and ailments; the niggling pains that give me even more reason to dwell on the negative aspects of life and the dreams I have failed to fulfil in life.

The last few months have been difficult because I have had more time than I can cope with. This week I should have been in Japan, visiting Osaka and Mount Fuji, instead I have been at home, alone with my thoughts and memories of better times. I am well aware, that over thinking is a fault of mine and I remain empty and wanting at the end of it. I am always left with more questions than answers, and I am often filled with regrets, 'what ifs' and frustrations that I just can't shake.

Usually I am in a much better  frame of mind than I am today, but I am not in the habit of lying about how I feel, so this blog is the perfect forum for telling the truth. I have always tried to be as honest as I can, when I talk about myself, it is the best way to offload any pressing worries. The anxieties I suffer today are a direct result of the circumstances I find myself in. The only time I am truly happy, is when I am with my husband; when you spend twenty-five years with someone, it makes it hard when you have to live apart. There are people far worse off than I, especially during this pandemic, but I do wish I could travel back a few years, when we lived in Spain together, finally living the life we both had dreamed of for so long.

If I had the choice, I would leave on a plane tomorrow to be with Darrell, not because I don't want to be here with family, far from it, this has been my saving grace. I love being with my Aunt and Cousins, but because I need to be with the person I love and without him, life has become meaningless, without purpose.

Reassessing one's life and making plans for the future, whilst walking around this great city, has become as much a part of life as going to work has and whether I like it or not, it is the foundation of my time now in Portsmouth. As the months roll on and both of us spend more and more time apart, I fear the negativity will continue to resurface from time to time. I do not thrive in such situations and try to wrestle with my own demons in order to move forwards with hope and a determination to do what is right. If I had to leave tomorrow, I would; I do whatever I can to remain sanguine during tempestuous times!