Kuala Lumpur 1997

Kuala Lumpur 2001

Instead of travelling to Japan and Thailand as planned this year, I have spent nearly two weeks in near lockdown at home. Remembering my time in Asia in 2019 and preparing for our eventual trip back to the region, hopefully in 2021, although I wouldn't hold your breath, has been the perfect tonic to cheer me up and give me something to look forward to. I have been scrolling through videos online, viewing travel documentaries and working out a new plan of action. Above is a video from 'Suitcase Monkey,' a travel vlogger, whose videos caught my attention on youtube. If you are thinking of flying to Asia in the future, look out for these wonderfully comprehensive alternative travel guides; they have certainly kept me entertained during the past few days.

My time in Vietnam, Hong Kong, South Korea and Cambodia last year, was the holiday of a lifetime, that I will never forget.  Starting off in Communist Vietnam, not a place I would have visited normally, I was taken aback by this wondrous country and hospitable people. Our time here was made more memorable, because of the generous nature of all those who looked after us, during the few short days we were there and of course the culture that delighted us so much.

Despite its Communist credentials, tradition and religion sit happily side by side. We visited various Buddhist temples, which were well looked after and preserved for future generations to enjoy and experience. There were also many western influences in this breathtaking part of the World, as one would expect. There were Americans who had settled after the Vietnam War, as well as many other nationalities, who are welcomed by this particularly progressive Vietnamese regime.

I felt relaxed and safe in Hanoi, unlike many large cities I have visited over the years. Navigating the streets was relatively easy in the centre and everything we wanted to see was within walking distance. The architecture was utilitarian in part but traditional Asian influences were everywhere. This is most definitely a destination I want to visit again; spending time exploring and travelling to other more remote areas would be something to aspire to on any future vacation. Our short taster trip opened many doors to this fascinating place, and I was left wanting more!

Hong Kong was very different to anywhere I have ever been. The small ex British colony on the tip of China is somewhere I have wanted to go for a long time. I had high expectations of this city and in many respects I wasn't disappointed.

The towering skyscrapers, growing taller around every corner, were majestic in nature. I had never seen buildings so tall and I don't mind telling you, just how much it pulled at my anxiety. The urban street life was absolutely out of the World and I have never been so in awe of a place in my life.

However, this isn't somewhere I want to visit again. I have been to many Asian cities in my life and this was really much the same as any other. There was a rather gritty feel to its nature nevertheless; staying in Kowloon, allowed us to get down and dirty, experiencing the way real residents live. This was the part of Hong Kong where people lived, in small, tiny apartments, surrounded by blocks and blocks of flats and that made the stay special.

Hong Kong has sparked my interest in visiting China. The people we met in the bars around our hotel, were approachable and full of stories, about this busy metropolis in the South China Sea and their friendliness and warmth made our stay memorable.  The character of all cities are only as good as the personalities who live there and real, down to Earth folk make for a better stay. If I was returning to Hong Kong in the future, I would most certainly stay in Kowloon again.

South Korea was a Country I fell completely in love with. From the moment we arrived in Seoul, I was bowled over by its modernity and tradition coexisting together. The contrast between the two married in a perfect union could be seen flawlessly in the capital city. Modern superstructures towering above traditional Korean homes and villages; Perfectly manicured gardens, the gentle sound of water flowing over rocks, bird song in the branches of trees, shading commuters and tourists franticly running for a connecting train. The divergence of two cultures so distinct, yet so felicitous in their goals

The modern city of Seoul was beyond imagination. The clean, contemporary apartment we rented near the centre felt like a home from home and the inviting enthusiastic nature of the Koreans we met was infectious. Yes we looked lost at times, but without a second thought, we were approached by local residents who were all to willing to help us find our way around. These are people who are proud of their country and want tourists to have the best of experiences when they arrive. Like all parts of Asia the gracious nature of those who live and work in this continent of contrasts, is clear to see, an epitaph to their generosity of spirit and pragmatic outlook on life.

I will most certainly return to Seoul one day; in fact as I said to Darrell at the time of our visit, this would be a place I could quite easily live. With our future direction uncertain, this could well be on the list; what ever happens, I am glad we chose to spend the longest part of our journey in this vibrant location. The memories I have here, I will always hold dear!

Our final destination was Siem Reap and Angkor Wat in Cambodia. This is another Country I had never thought of visiting before. I had seen programmes on the famous Angkor Wat before and wanted to visit it at some point, but it wasn't on my bucket list of places I really wanted to see, for the life of me, I don't know why; this last leg of our trip was spectacular.

From the hotel and restaurants, Pub Street and Angkor Wat, the lotus and crocodile farm and amazing culture, Cambodia did not disappoint.

As a 'good old days' buff, I was amazed  by the living history that surrounded me. Of course Angkor Wat was the most memorable site I visited during my stay, during the whole of the holiday, this place is a true wonder of the World, but there were many more poignant stops at religious shrines, Buddhist retreats and the more sombre killing fields. There is so much antiquity to admire, you literally don't know where to begin.

The streets of Siem Reap were rather like Vietnam, third World in complexion, but that just made the experience even more thrilling. Vendors selling spiders and snakes for unsuspecting tourists to eat, with a one dollar pint of beer and less than salubrious market stalls with a vibe unmatched anywhere else. There were people from all walks of life, from different corners of the Earth, mingling together enjoying the sights, tastes and smells of this unforgettable, remarkable, striking community on the edge of Asia. At times, it did feel rather lawless and bewildering, walking through the narrow ancient streets; I certainly kept my handbag close to my chest, but within a short space of time, I felt comfortable and composed, once again yearning to return at some point in the future!

Remembering the good times, will certainly get us through the bad and recalling a holiday last year, when I was able to see Darrell and spend quality time travelling through Asia was amazing. It isn't until you are unable to do the things you normally do, that you realise just how important they are. Travelling is a big part of mine and Darrell's life, so it is a double blow that we can no long see the one country we have always dreamed of, as well as one another of course. Until we see each other again, we do have the memories of very special time in both our lives!

Australia 1995


Flying to Perth, Australia was an experience.  The flight itself was ok, long but ok! Flying British Airways was a bonus and for me, it was an expensive experience.  I had flown in the past, but never this long.  I remember when we landed at Perth International, the feeling of complete freedom on leaving the plane, into the strange new Country.  It immediately felt different.  The sounds and scenery were a joy, compared to the Urban sprawl of Southampton!

I had many expectations about Australia, having many preconceived views, thoughts and hopes that were at stake.  I knew very little about the place, least of all Perth.  I guess Perth is one of the least known City's in Australia, so in reality, I didn't know what to expect!

We literally arrived homeless.  The last  Darrell's friends and family knew, he was going out with a completely different person.  Someone who was and still is a great source of support.  I didn't know anyone, but was welcomed with open arms, by his friend Beth.  She took us both in at a crucial time for our relationship.  She picked us up from the Airport, and we drove to her home, though empty highways, stunning views and streets with hardly any people.  This was certainly different!

The road she lived on was literally just like the cul-de-sac in 'Neighbours'.  So different from The UK.  There was space, perfectly manicured gardens, all detached, just stunning.  The house was also large, no narrow corridors or  hall ways, just open and space.  I felt happy to be there!

During those first few weeks we made plans.  'mad plans' as I call them.  We planned to fake my death, in order for me to stay in the Country.  Best laid plans of mice and men and manic Queens!  It all seemed perfectly reasonable, of course.  No reason it wouldn't work, right?  I met many of Darrell's friends, most of whom were amazing people.  There were one or two who were typically Australian, arrogant and stand-offish, even telling me, I should leave and let Darrell live his life.  Not the most welcoming of people, but I just got on with it!

We decided to get our own flat.  I was on a short term Visa, but we were making long term plans.  I don't think at that stage we knew exactly the implications of staying together on an inappropriate visa and really were just hoping for the best, blocking it out or thinking positively.  Anyway we chose an apartment on Canning Highway, in Fremantle.  I loved Freo.  It was more colonial than Perth, situated on The Indian Ocean, friendly and in many respects quite British.  The flat was large and spacious, with lime green carpets throughout.  Not my choice, but I didn't really care, I was in love after all!  The kitchen was small and functional, built up on stilts.  I later found out this was to keep the cockroaches out of the cupboards.  Also, the place was infested with fleas, which we 'flea bombed' immediately.  We had an old TV and couch and crate for a table and very little else.

For me, a collector of everything, the minimalist look was horrifying.  However, it was our first home together and has a special place in both our hearts.  I also became quite ill there, probably the first time, I remember real pain.  A sign of things to come perhaps!

I had spent the year prior to our time in Australia involved in a fast, tiring, party lifestyle.  It had taken its toll.  I had severe neck and back pain and could barely move. My muscles had seized up, and I was taken to Fremantle Hospital, where I was prescribed medication for the pain.  Clearly a year of constant partying and abuse had taken its course!

I spent the next few weeks laid up in bed watching Australian TV, which was a cross between old British telly, American rubbish and Kerri-Anne  Kennerely.... I loved Kerri- Anne.  A posh Australian with a talk show.  Perfectly coiffured hair and that upper class ozzie accent I so loved.  I watched SBS, all the foreign programmes and interestingly a British programme called 'Band of Gold'.  Great fond memories at a difficult time!

We moved out of the apartment after about a month and moved in with a friend of Darrell's called Graham.  We lived in a suburb called Belmont in a modern Duplex unit; I loved living there.  Graham was also gay, and we were living with someone who I was at least very comfortable with.  We were broke, had no money but bloody happy.  In fact, I think we were at our happiest there.  I do remember getting ready to go out to Perth's Gay Club, The Court Hotel; apparently, Boy George went there once.  I had to use horse clippers to do my hair and was wearing hand me down clothes.  So different from the designer stuff I had back home.  I could not give a damn and remained happy until the end!

As time passed, I became more and more homesick.  God knows why!  The lifestyle I had left was calling me back day after day, and I was missing the people I thought were friends!

Then came the phone call.  That f*cking phone call from my ex partner.  I spoke to him on the phone, there was something wrong, then he came out with it.  He had been diagnosed with HIV, and I was responsible.  What a bombshell. What the f*ck was I supposed to do? Well I did what I had to do.  I rearranged my flight to leave Australia as soon as possible, without Darrell.  I felt empty, destroyed and scared, but I did the honourable thing.  

Even the flight home was an omen.  I got on the plane to leave Australia and whilst  on route to take off, one of the engines caught fire.  I couldn't believe what I was witnessing.  We were removed, and taken back through customs, having left and returned to Oz twice in a day.  A replacement was found and I left later that evening.  I didn't know if Darrell would follow, I didn't know what to expect, I was homeless and sh*tting a brick.  Our relationship could have so easily ended at that point. Thank god it didn't!

Twenty Years and counting.


THE BEGINNING!

I have been with my partner Darrell for twenty years.  We officially started a relationship on 22 September 1995, and we aim to be legally married on that date this year, no matter what happens!

I have read a lot about relationships and Bipolar over the years, most of which has been negative.  From the articles I have read, long term happiness with the same person is difficult at best, impossible at most.  Bipolar offers many challenges that conventional couples do not face, but I am not abnormal and the difficulties are not insurmountable.

Darrell is Australian and when we met in 1995, there was no mechanism in law, to recognise our 'de-facto' relationship. A gay relationship officially did not happen.  I never expected to fall in love with my partner straight away, but that is more or less how it happened.  We were determined at that point to stay together, no matter what the circumstances, and that is where our difficulties started.

Darrell was on a Holiday Work Visa.  This gave him limited time in The UK, with limited work allowed.  To be perfectly honest, I didn't even like him at the beginning.  I found him arrogant and typically Australian.  Certain things happened, which resulted in Darrell moving in with myself and my previous partner.  He had nowhere else to go. One thing led to another, and we fell for each other.  

It was the night before the reopening of The Magnum,  the oldest Gay Club in Southampton, indeed the oldest in the country;  It was also my partners Birthday.  At the time we were quite heavily involved in the club scene and two friends came over to help us prepare for the opening night.

My ex partner went to bed, and myself and Darrell stayed up talking.  We wanted to be together, but felt it would be impossible in such a close, small gay scene and decided to leave.  Now love always changes one's perception of situations. In this case it made the urgency we left critical, so we did.

I was rooting around the house for my passport but couldn't find it.  So, as you do, if you are about to leave your boyfriend, I went and asked my sleeping ex partner, where it was. He pointed to a chest of draws in the bedroom, where I found it.  I have no idea if he knew what I was doing or not.  I literally left with the clothes on my back, and we caught the first train out of Southampton and headed for London.

The next few days were extremely confusing.  I remember going to Australia House and arranging a Visa.  I remember buying a ticket at the Airport to fly both of us to Australia.  I remember the funny bits too.  We arrived in London with no accommodation and took the tube to Kensington.  Both Darrell and I were big 'Absolutely Fabulous' fans and since we were in the capital, we thought that had to be the place to go.  We ended up in Bayswater.  Cheaper than Kensington, far cheaper, but full of vibrancy and life.  

Finally, we found a Hotel.  One of those huge imposing Georgian buildings.  Looked fantastic from the outside.  Going inside, it wasn't quite as it seemed.  Patterned flowered carpets, even busier wallpaper and a musty smell.  There was an old lady at a reception window, doing knitting.  It was like the old 1950s movies I used to watch, you know the sought, Margaret Rutherford and the like.  We took a room which was near to the top of the building.  My god, I remember that room, better than most memories I have from that time! Same swirly carpets.  A number of beds, pushed together.  Candlewick bedspreads!  I love candle wick bedspreads, I used to pick the curved lines of tufty cotton as a kid, leaving a trail of material around my bedroom.  It was kind of comforting, and yes I was picking those bedspreads as soon as I arrived in that room. There was no bath.  In fact there was no bathroom, just a plastic shower in the middle of the room.  Pealing wallpaper. Numerous handwritten notices about, when there was hot water, what times the front door would be locked, amount of towels that we could use and nothing about what to do in the event of a fire.  These days, the place would have been condemned, but I loved it, we both did.  After all it is where we really began our relationship!

It was great spending those first four days in London,  It was the early 90s, we had no mobile phone or internet, so there was no way anyone could contact us.  It really was a great sense of freedom.  Walking around the streets of Kensington and Bayswater in the evening was bliss,  so different from Southampton. Colourful, cosmopolitan, interesting, twenty-four hours a day!

After a brief stay in a single room in a London Suburb, with all the paperwork sorted, we left for Australia, flying British Airways to Perth.  I was still really unaware about the magnitude of this decision, but would realise over the next twenty years.  This was the day my life, as messy as it is, began.  This was the day we started to battle to stay together, this was the day I truly put my heart before my head, and never regretted a thing!