Its official, the Charity Commission report detailing abuses carried out by Oxfam has been published and the evidence contained in it is damning, as I believed it would be. Readers of Roaming Brit are well aware of my connection to Oxfam, I worked for them as a Manager between 2008 and 2015. These were testing years; a time when I was given little support or direction by Managers at the top of the chain. I was more or less left to my own devises and always sought help and advice from colleagues, who were also unable to get guidance from a failing Management structure, that hadn't changed since Oxfam was formed in 1948.

The report highlights bullying, intimidation and harassment, perpetrated by a powerful elite who thought nothing of the victims they violated. There was a calculated plan to destroy and discredit employees and volunteers who dared to speak out about their mistreatment across this organisation, both at home and abroad.

Both my partner and I worked for Oxfam at a time of change and we did our best to try and "make poverty history," a mantra used across this charity. The politics of this trust were not always in  step with my own and we were encouraged to support and maintain a connection with left of centre organisations, at the expense of fair and balanced campaigning. There were many times I challenged Managers for their one sided political stance, especially in meetings, but was promptly made to feel wrong or inadequate in front of those who worked alongside me. Having a voice and speaking up against Oxfam's politically motivated appeals was discouraged. A shop I managed was situated in the middle of a large Jewish community, yet we were expected to raise money for the very people who were bombing Israel, almost on a daily basis at the time. This wasn't about supporting Israel over Palestine, it was about objective and impartial working practices, especially at times of elevated tension. Ignoring local and regional concerns was at odds with the ideals Oxfam promoted. We lost many Jewish donors; there seemed to be a crusade, instigated by Oxfam for purely political reasons and it was hurting us as a business. No thought was ever paid to the demographic of the individual areas we served, left leaning motivation always won the day!

The region I worked for was in a mess; personal ambition and vengeance took priority over getting results and I was often in the middle of an altercation or difficult situation between staff or volunteers, who were left bewildered after yet more pressure was piled on them, from Managers who were dismissive of their needs. By 2015 I discovered the extent of bullying in the South West region. Staff were leaving without reason, fabrication and falsohoods were used to discredit their work and I began to notice I was also becoming the target of what I can only describe as immoral behaviour, after I had dared to report my superior for acts of wrongdoing against volunteers. My partner had also become the victim of abuse after he was targeted for reporting a member of staff to Human Resources, when a vulnerable volunteer became the subject of a sustained campaign of bullying. Like me, his views were dismissed and we both became the subject of attacks that continued for two years. Misinformation, lies, threats to us and our property, homophobia and in several recorded cases, sexual harassment were now part of our life; the strain began to take its toll and our health began to suffer!

Inappropriate behaviour by Management was commonplace. I know of at least eight incidences of unspeakable conduct that those closest to me endured. Unable to do anything about the constant attacks, many of us decided to leave. My partner and I left the UK in 2015 to start a new life in Spain, to try and forget our ordeal.

In 2018 I was contacted by the Charity Commission who interviewed me about my time at Oxfam and what these crimes had done to my sense of well-being. I was forthright in my assessment of a culture at Oxfam that sought to destroy personal liberty. I suffered for many years after the events that shaped my life and even today remain unable to forget the evil that so nearly destroyed me. The interviewee was sympathetic and informed me of what the Charity Commission wanted to achieve, as a result of allegations and affirmation made by a cross section of people from all walks of life. She was distressed by what I had to say, disgusted that nothing was done to protect me at particularly difficult times and stunned that my pleas for help fell on deaf ears, ignored by those who were there to look after our protection. This was not just about my immediate superior, this was about the whole organisation, from top to bottom. This was about a corrupt Human Resources department, a union who were complicit in the atrocities committed against victims and their refusal to stand up for their membership and most importantly a CEO who covered up criminal activity across the charity!

Today I spoke to an ex colleague who directed me towards an article about Oxfam. This was a shocking expose detailing the worst transgressions committed by this once respected trust. I was gobsmacked; what had transpired at Oxfam and continues to this day was astonishing, far worse than I expected. A telling paragraph from this report loomed heavily, as I continued to read - "In Britain, investigators found that scores of serious complaints by staff or volunteers in its charity shops were not reported to the authorities, including 11 cases involving potential crimes." This struck a chord with me and told me all I needed to hear. What happened to me and others was an affront to common decency; discrimination and abuse that had no place at Oxfam was mainstream, accepted and considered almost run-of-the-mill. As a result nothing was done to stop the continual cycle of damage that was so rooted in the structure of this organisation.

As a starting point Oxfam must apologise to people like me, so we can continue to rebuild our lives. No amount of compensation will make up for what I endured, but the Charity Commission now needs to help the victims as they learn to live with what occurred, often over prolonged periods of time. Over the next few months I expect to reopen my concerns with the commission and hope they will finally do what Oxfam didn't; offer the support and assistance that all of the victims needed at the time, but were so unsparingly denied. in order to finally close this dreadful chapter in our lives, the commission finally need to listen to the voices that were dismissed for far too long, then and only then can we all move forward positively, emphatically, conclusively and get on with living life once again!

A little over a week ago, I was going through my youtube account checking messages when I came across one from someone at Oxfam, the charity I used to work for four years ago. I started blogging in 2015, because of my experiences working for them. As readers to all my blogs are well aware, my role in this organisation wasn't a happy one and ended in a 'traumatic time,' causing great anxiety and stress for my partner and I. My health and state of mind suffered  and I took the decision to resign. The stories of my time are littered throughout this blog, detailing a period that I had until recently put on the back burner.

The correspondence I received was from a man called Lee, not his real name, but the alias I shall refer to him as during this entry. In one of my youtube videos, I discussed my thoughts and feelings towards the charity I used to be a part of and dedicated my life to. The video in question was taken whilst I was living in Spain, two years after I had left the UK, still dealing with the aftermath of this terrible chapter in my life.

Lee had worked for Oxfam just like me, in a different role, far higher than mine and had also suffered abuse in the same way and wanted to talk about his experiences. The one thing I have discovered from my years blogging, is it is good to offload ones problems, either through scribbling ones recollections down or chatting informally with family, friends and colleagues. For me writing has been a life saver, helping me out more than any other activity since I left Oxfam. Lee on the other hand wanted to talk to someone who had gone through the same distress and hardship as him; luckily he came across my story and we were able to chat on the phone for over an hour a few days ago.

Listening to other people, who have also suffered at Oxfam's hands has become a regular feature in my life. Even today, I get a few dozen emails a day from people either connected to Oxfam or from those who have left and restarted their lives. Lee was lucky, he chose to leave his position and follow a new career in the private sector, something he doesn't regret. Like Lee, I am happy to be working for my current employer, I feel valued and listened to, part of a team and rewarded for all my hard work, unlike the years I spent at Oxfam. I was pleased to hear another survivor was moving forwards and not letting terrible injustices get in the way of their future!

Lee and I discussed our respective encounters and the ordeal we both endured and were surprised at the similarities in our stories and the same names that kept cropping up during our conversation...The usual suspects were still running amok, unchecked and without conscience through Oxfam and people like Lee were getting badly hurt in the process. He also appealed for help on many occasions, but was sidelined, ignored and passed over, his pleas for understanding ridiculed by the very people who should have been there to help. This was indeed a similar account of life at this well known trust and one I was happy to recount again, in order to help someone else, who needs to find closure at the end of a very debilitating period.

Lee described in great detail, just what he went through, sociopathic behaviour in abundance, disgusting bullying abuses that I was very familiar with and all I could do was sympathise with this eloquent, sensitive and empathetic young man. There is very little I can do on the surface to help people like Lee, come to terms with what happened to them, but I can be there to listen and give advice, based on my experiences.  The pain we both tolerated for too long is still very raw and will never go away. It does become easier to live with what transpired at Oxfam, but it will not be possible to move on and finally forget until all those responsible for the mistreatment of me and others are finally brought to justice.

Lee decided not to go down an official route and complain to Head Office directly, he chose to walk away and doesn't regret his decision. He does however want to do something to protect his fellow colleagues from what he went through and I have encouraged him to do what he can. Contacting the Charities Commission, Oxfam's Board of Trusties and his local MP is a great starting point. The more information all of these groups have against Oxfam, the easier it will be to prosecute those who destroyed peoples lives. I wish Lee well and hope he will also consider writing for Roaming Brit in the future!

On Thursday I made my way to Southampton again, I had to catch up with a few friends, still trying to fit everyone in before I leave the UK. I arrived early, so decided to pop in and see my old Deputy Manager Denise, from my days working at Oxfam.  The last time I saw her, was just before I left for Spain, so we had a lot to talk about. I have emailed her whilst living abroad but today was about chatting about the 'old days,' where we both are now and the future. Life throws up many challenges, many of which Denise and I lived through whilst working for Oxfam but friendship will always overcome adversity. We have much in common because of our past experiences; shared circumstances that will always connect us both together.

It is fantastic to see this lady doing well, after being treated so badly by the charity we both used to work for. I chose to move abroad to forget the past, Denise remained in Southampton, choosing to work for another, more reputable charity and by all accounts is happy and thankful to be where she is today!

The pain I experience everyday from my time working at Oxfam will not go away easily, if at all. I have learnt to live with it, as much as Denise has, but bad memories will never disappear they will just get easier to deal with. I suppose you could call Denise a battler, who works hard to make ends meet. Like all of us who lived through the difficulties Oxfam perpetuated, we all have to get on with living, we can not let these people do any more damage than they already have.

Denise still see's volunteers who worked with us from time to time; Southampton is a small place and faces will always pop up. I think it's probably fare to say, they are all doing remarkably well. It's good to hear that everyone I worked with all those years ago are still upbeat and chipper, as volunteers usually are. They are a unique breed, those who give up their time free and gratis; it is only a shame they were not recognised for their contribution to the sector they embraced.

It is always good to catch up on the local gossip over a cuppa, something I have wanted to do with Denise for so long. Nothing much changes in Southampton, but it is important to reflect over the past, after all I lived in this place for nearly 25 years. Denise like me is hopeful for the future; life will undoubtedly take each of us down many different paths, but at least we will continue to share a bond, that will endure the test of time; that's what friendship is all about!

A blog about how I'm feeling today, nothing specific, just a few thoughts on various different topics, starting of course with Oxfam. I am lucky enough to have been given a lot of support and encouragement this weekend, especially from those who live and work in Gran Alacant. It has been wonderful to speak to customers at LoungeD, who have made a point of coming in and wishing me good luck, offering their own thoughts and feelings on the difficulties Oxfam are currently experiencing; Expats are a very upfront lot and will always tell you how it is. Everyone I have spoken to, has given me the inspiration and motivation to continue pushing forwards, with my desire to make others aware of Oxfam's failings. Ex colleagues have also been in contact, all shocked at what they were hearing; many apologising for not believing my complaints against Oxfam at the time. This is not a moment for recriminations, this should be a period when all of us should stand together and fight Oxfam's cover ups and misinformation. It is important, that at the end of this soul searching process, everything is done to protect the victims and everyone else who continues to work and volunteer with this charity. I will certainly continue to work for justice, as I know many others will too!

I have also heard from a lot of friends back home in the UK in recent days, many I haven't seen  in over three years. A lot  have been reading my blog, getting to know me once again. This got me thinking; actually I became a bit nostalgic, so did a bit of facebook stalking, looking though old posts from ten years ago; adding friends and family I haven't spoken to in a while or lost contact with over the years. This is something I need to do as an Expat living on the other side of Europe. Many people complain tirelessly about the invasive nature of facebook, but I can't speak highly enough of it. It allows me to stay in contact with many people I wouldn't ordinarily see; importantly it also permits me to showcase my blogging and writing, especially vital when you rely on it for part of your income. My advice to anyone who uses social media is: Be careful, don't give out personal details and don't add people you don't know. Finally be very careful what you say, especially if your employer is on your friends list.

Continuing with the facebook theme; whilst scrolling through my wall, viewing what I can only describe as 'testing times' I was unlucky enough to come across some truly cringe worthy status updates. Facebook of course documents a persons thoughts and feelings in all its gory detail. Much of what I was browsing was not what I would broadcast to the World today. When one suffers with bipolar, one does have good and bad periods. This can be clearly seen in social networking blunders. The things I write now are extremely tame in comparison and thank God for that. I have clearly moved on  a lot from those dark days a few years ago. I think I may also owe a lot of people an apology for the distress I may have caused to them in the past, something I will be doing over the next few days. Reflecting on ones past mistakes is a good thing, learning from them is important.

It was an early morning walk for me today, trying to lose a few pounds. I do find walking the best time to think. Sometimes I get writers block and literally have no idea what to write, rather like this morning actually, so a brisk walk gave me the subject matter for today's blog. I am beginning to feel a lot better about myself, finding it easier to walk each day, the more I do it; my belt feels a little less tight also, which is a good thing. My eating habits have also improved dramatically. Everything we eat is cooked from scratch; I eat very little processed food, including cheese and chocolate, two things I have cut completely out of my diet. Also, even though I am still smoking, I have cut down dramatically, smoking no more that a packet of twenty a week. That is great for me, especially when one considers I used to smoke eighty cigarettes a day. Smoking has always been the bane of my life, especially with my addictive personality.

I could feel the sun on my face this Monday; the cold evenings are nearly at an end. I really don't enjoy this time of year in Spain, especially without the little luxuries, we are used to in Britain; central heating and carpets, to name but two. The winter doesn't really last that long. In December we were still enjoying temperatures of 25 degrees, so in reality it just consists of two months, which isn't too bad; I think they just feel far worse here. You are experiencing 8 or ten degrees during the night, which can be a massive drop from the temperatures during the day. That's a second year under my belt; it's uphill all the way now.

As winter comes to an end, we have already had a number of friends ask if they can come over and stay, for a few weeks during the summer season. In the UK, we used to have waifs and strays in and out of our house everyday, not always when I wanted, consequently, I wasn't necessarily happy to have people invading my space. I am quite a private person as a rule and do value my own time; very difficult to achieve, living in Southampton. Here however I am more than happy to have guests coming and going; it keeps a link to the past, especially warranted when settling into a new way of life. Moving to Australia was an option at one stage, before we decided to emigrate to Spain. Here, we wouldn't have seen any close friends, so I am grateful we can at least receive visitors today. Who knows, if we move to Australia in the future, things may well be very different. If you want to come and visit this year, please let me know as soon as you can!

So there we go, a few random thoughts for today; things on my mind, as I went for my morning walk around Gran Alacant. Have a wonderful day y'all!