I thought I would talk about immigration today. When I got up this morning, I read an article about a lady from Singapore, who had married an Englishman; they had been together for twenty seven years and had two children. She had returned home to care for her sick Mother; on her re-entry to the UK, she was eventually deported; she had breached the conditions of her visa, which stipulates, she can not spend prolonged periods of time outside of the UK. Consequently I also received a message in my inbox. I have been in contact with various immigration groups, trying to find out the legality of mine and Darrell’s situation.
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We have both been together since 1995, just coming up to our 22nd year as partners, nearly two years married. When Darrell and I got together, it was under the Conservative Government of John Major. At the time, there were no laws or guidelines in place to recognise our de facto relationship. As a same sex couple, with a partner from a different country, other than those in the EU, we didn’t exist, in the official sense. For the first couple of years, we lived between Australia and the UK, fighting to stay together.

In May 1997, Labour came to power, at the time we were both living in Australia. During that period, I found it very difficult to live down under, so within a few short weeks of Tony Blair winning office, we packed up and left, while Darrell had some time left on his British visa. That visa would run out, before any laws were changed. If I remember rightly, the new immigration legislation was passed through Parliament in the October of 1997. That left a good few months, where Darrell was under threat of deportation; Darrell was illegally resident in the UK and could have been removed at any time. We did use this period to talk to Members of Parliament, solicitors and Stonewall, who were 100% behind our case. Towards the end of this time, we employed a Barrister, to challenge the Home Offices decision to have Darrell removed, trying to force a judicial review. In the end, the fact we remained together, was due to timing and a lot of hard work from out MP.

Even after October 1997, we were bound by draconian immigration restrictions, which effectively put our life on hold for many, many years. In the year 2000, Darrell was given his Indefinite leave to remain in the UK, based solely on our relationship together. The terms of this visa were strict and have prevented us, as a couple from living for long periods of time, outside of Britain.

In 2015, myself and Darrell moved to Spain. In all honesty, I never even thought about the ramifications of our decision. We left to start a new life after a period of trauma, so the last thing on our mind was the visa Darrell was allowed to remain in the UK under, with me as his partner. That may well have been a mistake; according to the news I had this morning, Darrell had breached the conditions of his ‘Indefinite Leave to Remain’, issued in 2000. In reality that visa, we had fought hard to obtain, had become null and void, despite our years together and subsequent marriage. Returning to Britain is now impossible, even if we decided to go down that road.

During the twenty years Darrell lived in the UK with me, he never once claimed any form of benefit, always paid his taxes and National Insurance and fully integrated into British life. It does seem rather skewed, that we should be punished for leaving our home, through no fault of our own; when others seem to enter British shores and are able to claim benefits, accommodation and assistance, whenever they so choose. That is the mark of a system gone wrong!

Darrell has been in Australia for seven months, he comes home to Spain, this Friday. He experienced his own problems when returning to his country of birth, to care for his Mother. There was no instant access to medical care and he was now living in a country he didn’t understand any more. When one looks from the outside in, one sees Australia as the ‘land of milk and honey,’ we all do; on the surface that is exactly how it is perceived; but circumstances have changed; Australia is now on the brink of recession. Consecutive Governments in Canberra have raised the minimum wage, to a level now, that is unsustainable, double that of the UK; an artificially elevated minimum wage; sounds all rather wonderful doesn’t it. In truth Australia has agreements with Asian countries, importing cheap labour every day. Taking away the jobs, naturally covered in the minimum wage act. The protection of workers rights, has become worthless, not fit for purpose and safeguarding no one.

Immigration is high up on the agenda, at least in the media. With the Brexit and Trump phenomenon , comes accusations of racism and isolationism, retreating back to boarders and no allowing anyone else in. It is a difficult subject for me; I voted for Brexit and stand by my decision. I really don’t believe that Expats living and working here in Spain, or indeed anywhere else in Europe will be effected by Britain’s decision to leave the EU. It is in Europe’s interest to work with the UK, not punish it for making a democratic decision to withdraw.

In my case and that of the lady from singapore, something has gone terribly wrong with the system. A system that is broken in so many ways, allowing undesirable characters to enter, yet stripping decent, law abiding citizens of rights, because of some ill thought out policy. People like Darrell have never had handouts, yet he really becomes a victim, because in the words of one immigration organisation, he isn’t black and he comes from a rich western nation. That is not a racist statement from me, it is a matter of fact. Had he come from a more deprived part of the world, he would have been helped far more than he ever was in the UK. Don’t assume, that just because my husband is from Australia, is is wealthy; we don’t have two cents to rub together. Horrendous circumstances brought us to Spain, we struggle every day, get no public funds and have no income at all; we ask for nothing.

So there we have it, my moan for today; actually more than a moan, it felt like a kick in the teeth this morning, I was in panic mode. I have no plans to return to the UK, but I do want the option there, should I wish to. The British Government would argue that Darrell, was unable to leave the UK, for such a long period of time, but surely our visa should be about us, our relationship, not what country we reside in. Had we stayed in the UK, Darrell would have still had to leave and look after his mother anyway, under those circumstances, our situation would have been far worse, he would have been deported, unable to return to the UK; so maybe, just maybe, we did make the right decision to move to Spain after all, only time will tell.

nothing personal against anyone, just stuff I have been wrestling with, and didn't know whether to speak to others about it. I need not have worried, Linda told me, what I needed to hear: encouraging me to remain in Gran Alacant; I would be much better off as a result.  Seeing through the haze of my life is difficult at the moment, so sometimes, a word or two from someone a lot wiser than me can go a long way.

My current situation, torn between two countries, wasn't the only issue on my plate. As my battles with Oxfam rumble on, I wanted to ask Linda for advice; not only about getting over what happened, but also whether it was time to give up the good fight.  I do feel like I am banging my head against a brick wall at the moment, in many respects and although I want to keep up the pressure on this bloated old charity, I was mindful of the challenges involved, trying to fight against, a large multinational.

Linda told me a story; her words were important, because it reinforced my views, that what Oxfam did was wrong, deeply disturbing and terribly dangerous.  Of course I can not give up, exposing these people for who they are. Imagine how I would feel, if someone else attempted suicide or worse, died, just like my poor colleague from Ireland. Linda is one of the good ones.  She puts Oxfam and those who represent them to shame. The guilt I would feel, should anyone else get hurt, would be too much to bare.

I am always mindful of Oxfam's aims;

Empowerment
Our approach means that everyone involved with Oxfam, from our staff and supporters to people living in poverty, should feel they can make change happen.

Accountability
Our purpose-driven, results-focused approach means we take responsibility for our actions and hold ourselves accountable. We believe that others should also be held accountable for their actions.

Inclusiveness
We are open to everyone and embrace diversity. We believe everyone has a contribution to make, regardless of visible and invisible differences.

In my case, and those of many others including that poor girl who took her own life, none of these intentions were even considered; they were disregarded and passed over,  they never existed, irrelevant; Oxfam forgot its own goals!

Linda made me realise, that if you have a fight worth pursuing, you have to keep pushing for retribution and closure, not lose sight of your moral stance and have the courage of your own convictions, unlike Oxfam, who have no credibility left; ignoring their own  aspirations and ambitions, in order to save their own reputation!

Thanks for a wonderful night Linda and the essentials you brought me back from Britain. Mucho Amor!

I've not had a great week in all honesty. I have had the worst flu, you can ever imagine.  I think I may well be at the tail end of it now, although I am now coming out in rashes, all over my body.

I certainly don't intend to go to the surgery here in Gran Alacant, so I have done a little bit of self diagnosis on the internet, as I usually do. I think I caught the flu, in the first place, because I have been particularly run down, with stress and worry.  I have had similar outbreaks of 'hives', for want of a better word, in the past and they always seem to flare up, erupting in the same place.

Outwardly, people generally can't tell if I am stressed or not, although it does seem that, when I do suffer with anxiety, it manifests itself, through skin afflictions.  On top of this, as a consequence of flu, inflammation and irritation can occur anyway. Point blank, I haven't been in a great place, feeling low and fragile!

I am hoping that life can begin to get back to normal at least, now Darrel is returning home.

Can I also say, that for the purpose of this blog, I call my partner Darrell, his actual name is Jason, we just choose to use a pseudonym for writing purposes.  In fact I shall probably start calling him Jason, in my blog now, so please don't get confused, it is just to protect privacy, which is very important on the internet, so please take notice!

I digress, but, I hope now, my health will begin to improve.  The waiting game I am still playing, is the hardest game of all!

I haven't been feeling too great lately, I have to say.  A combination of not working or getting out the house as much and the changing season, has made me feel quite down, both physically and mentally.

Today as I write this, I am still suffering from flu, no not man flu, actual, 100% Spanish flu.  This is day two of shaking, hot and cold flushes, streaming nose and lack of sleep.  Personally I hate being ill; consequently I don't cope with illness too well. It isn't just the flu getting me down, at the moment it is everything.  The slow pace of life in Spain; mañana, it will wait until tomorrow, is not something I am used to and am feeling very difficult to cope with.  In life I am a person, who just wants to get things done; in Spain, they turn it into a lifetime occupation.  I seem to spend my time waiting; if you thought Britain turned queuing into an art form, come to Spain; whether lingering at the bank for two hours or filling in yet another official form, you can be sure you'll spend half your life loitering with intent!

I feel run down at the moment, because I feel a little lost, disconnected, fragmentary and aimless; I hope that changes soon.  It is one of the things that gets to me.  I often ask myself, how the hell, do people survive in a seasonal economy, only working four to six months a year. It feels that I am constantly playing catch up.  I know I should chill and do as the Spanish do, but the reality of life here, is not what you think it is, before you decide to make that move.

These are all words I have spoken before, I hear you say.  Well yes undoubtedly they are.  Some days I feel upbeat and chipper, others I feel downbeat and exasperated; if you like, that is the story of my time, so far in Spain; it is a roller coaster ride.  If one includes, the year or so before I came to live in Gran Alacant, it really has been  non stop turbulence and upheaval.  One does get to a point, when  all the angst and apprehension, just boils to the surface. I think it may well be doing so at the moment. I have had a constant chest infection, since November and not coped well with the atrocious winter we have had and today, I just feel rotten.

In one of my earlier articles I talked about the frustration I feel on a daily basis.  Just to  update you, I still feel the same, everyday I live here.  I guess you never expected me to say anything different today, did you.  Of course, I don't have an endless supply of money or patience, to spend, however long, waiting.  Unless you are retired in Spain, life can be very difficult.  As a middle age forty something, starting again, it is more difficult for me than most.  I have lived my life in the relative comfort of the UK, so the harsh realities of Spain, make it more difficult to get to grips with the madness, that is the jobs market here; which I understand even less, it has to be said!

Darrell is back in seven days, after spending seven months away, living in Australia. Whilst I understand why he had to be with his Mother, during her course of chemotherapy, it has caused problems for us and our life in Spain. We have had to put our life on hold for virtually a year, nearly the amount of time, I at least have lived in Gran Alacant. We came to Spain in a fairly good position and am now left in a rather precarious situation, where timing is important.  It is OK, to put your life on hold, caring for a loved one, but the knock on effect to us, could be catastrophic. We have bills to pay and at some point, very soon, need to pick up, from where we left off and just hope the changes, have no long term adverse consequences; only time will tell just what we have to deal with.  Yet again, we are playing catch up, restarting once more.

Just a few things to moan about today; I am sure I will have many more circumstances to grumble about in the future. It is a fact of life, that we all have negative comments to make from time to time.  I am not going to change a whole country or system, but I do hope that our time in Spain can at least now begin to show a little more fruit. It is time to knuckle down, make choices and decisions, about whether we want spend the rest of out life in Spain or we want to return to the UK, where our prospects could be far better.  I have no answers, as to direction, at the moment.  I am waiting for a new bar to open and want to channel my energy towards that trajectory at the moment.  If my situation changes, then It will be time to rethink, where we go from here and I am certainly not afraid, to make difficult decisions, anymore!

Over the next few months I will be conducting a series of tutorials on Palmistry, something I have been interested in and studied over fourteen years.  I took up Palmistry as a hobby, because it was right for me at the time.  I had tried other such activities, but found 'hand reading', suited me best.

I have read other peoples hands on a regular basis, mainly friends and believe you should use the skills you have, for the good of others.  Many people, who I have given a reading to, have said how much it had helped them in their life!

I am not going to go into great detail, writing about Palmistry here, as I will cover most of it in my video tutorials, but I am going to enclose a few words, I wrote on the subject for a gay website in 2007, where I used to give away free readings to competition winners.
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I have included a copy of a Palmistry report below, so you can see what is involved.  I have taken the persons name out of the document and haven't included a copy of their hand for reasons of privacy.

So my first introduction to hand reading is out on youtube now and I will be doing a series of short VLOGS about this subject.  If you would like a reading done, please don't hesitate to contact me and I will arrange it for you!
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I wanted to speak about bullying today, after I saw this online article, about a young lad in Wales, who was attacked getting off a bus.  He was taken to hospital with a suspected broken jaw.  I was horrified by the pictures, and was in two minds as to whether it should have been published at all.

To be honest, after thinking about the whole business of bullying again, last night, I understood completely why these photo's were released with the families permission. I personally have written about my experiences with bullying before, on many different occasions, It is a subject very close to my heart and something I will always campaign against.  The damage caused by such behaviour lasts a life time and in the case of this poor boy, he will probably have to undergo counselling to recover fully from this attack.

My latest confrontation with bullying, came at Oxfam GB.  As a victim, my abuse carried on for a number of years.  The mistreatment I received, as my Manager sought to disparage me, was subtle, carried out over a long period of time; she was a person who was very accustomed to oppressing others.  She was good at what she did, covering her tracks, hiding who she was, often accusing those, who were victims, of being the perpetrators.  A bully is an arch manipulator and as a casualty in their game, I often felt that what had happened was my fault.  This is a natural reaction; only through talking to others, who understand the issues at play, can you fully understand, what has happened.

Bullying often starts at school.  A bully is often a victim themselves, somewhere along the line.  They learn traits from those who intend to cause harm to others.  When confronted, a bully will testify to the abuse he or she has endured, often over many years, from families or peers.  A bully is indeed a victim of circumstances themselves and also needs time and careful management to overcome the stigma of who they are or what they have done.

At school, I was bullied, not dramatically, as in the case of the young boy above, but enough to cause long term effects.  I didn't enjoy my time at school at all.  I will always be of the opinion, that if I had been in a better, more academic environment, away from certain elements, I would have done much better, educationally wise, achieving all I wanted to.  Of course there were other friends who done remarkably well, as I see on facebook every day; fantastic lives and careers, families and futures!  I did have the same opportunities as those I am talking about, but I was also dealing with issues of sexuality and bullying, which compounded my feelings of despair, at times!

As a victim, when school is  at an end, you  finally evolve, as the adolescent, you were meant  to be.  Once again, this impacts your life negatively. While you are out being a rebellious teenager, your peers are out forging new lives and careers. Sadly for me at least, my school years sealed my fate for a lifetime, that's how long the pain of bullying lasts.

As my readers are aware, I have also done some charity work in the past, with 'Action for Children', one of the best experiences of my life.  The traumatic stories of abuse carried out against children, by their tormentors and abusers, is at times difficult to comprehend. The training I undertook, to become an Advocate and Mentor, although extremely painful, was worth all my time, after all it was nothing compared to what those poor kids went through in their lives.  Not only was I dealing with the results of ill-treatment towards minors, but I also had contact with those who carried out crimes; yes children who had hurt others, in some cases, committing murder.  All of these children had one thing in common, they had at one stage or another, also suffered at the hands of inauspicious individuals both mentally and physically.  Bullying is a vicious cycle and needs to be broken, in order to try and stop these destructive traits and influences.

So what can we do as people to stop bullying? Can we break the cycle involved?

There is no easy answer, in dealing with bullies and the effects of bullying; it is not symptomatic of one particular class, it permeates throughout society.  It is a scourge, that has left many people, like myself by the wayside, thrown to the curb as those dealing with the aftermath, don't know how to pick up the pieces. You have to change a bully, very early on in life.  characteristics are initially learned through parents and families; this is where the change needs to occur.  If there is a problem child, then schools and local authorities, need to work closely with  parents to change attitudes. A child knows no better, learning and absorbing information; whether that conduct is good or bad.  Schools should include lessons on dealing with  bullying, victimisation and harassment, so children can recognise the signs, seeking help from a school counsellor or trusted individual, if necessary.  Above all a child must be made aware, that subjecting others to degrading actions is wrong and will not be tolerated.  Early intervention is crucial.

There is also much we can do as individuals to stop bullying.  If I see someone suffering abuse or any form of mistreatment, I will generally, always get involved; part of my own set of morals, kicks in.  That isn't to say everyone should, it really depends on the volatility of the situation.  What I do firmly believe, is if you see vitriol, wherever it is, you either confront the perpetrator, or report them to someone in authority.  If left unchecked, bullying will become a lifetime curse, a nemesis to be carried around with us.

I will leave some links below; those you can contact, if you are a victim of abuse of any kind.  Please also join my campaign to expose those at OXFAM, who continue to protect employees that have committed licentious acts against staff and volunteers. They  need to be removed from their positions! You can click on the link at the top of this post, or those below. None of us should tolerate bullying, all of us should do what we can to change society and work towards a better future for our children, so they don't have to deal with the issues we had to, as victims!