Run Down, Ready For A Moan!

I haven't been feeling too great lately, I have to say.  A combination of not working or getting out the house as much and the changing season, has made me feel quite down, both physically and mentally.

Today as I write this, I am still suffering from flu, no not man flu, actual, 100% Spanish flu.  This is day two of shaking, hot and cold flushes, streaming nose and lack of sleep.  Personally I hate being ill; consequently I don't cope with illness too well. It isn't just the flu getting me down, at the moment it is everything.  The slow pace of life in Spain; mañana, it will wait until tomorrow, is not something I am used to and am feeling very difficult to cope with.  In life I am a person, who just wants to get things done; in Spain, they turn it into a lifetime occupation.  I seem to spend my time waiting; if you thought Britain turned queuing into an art form, come to Spain; whether lingering at the bank for two hours or filling in yet another official form, you can be sure you'll spend half your life loitering with intent!

I feel run down at the moment, because I feel a little lost, disconnected, fragmentary and aimless; I hope that changes soon.  It is one of the things that gets to me.  I often ask myself, how the hell, do people survive in a seasonal economy, only working four to six months a year. It feels that I am constantly playing catch up.  I know I should chill and do as the Spanish do, but the reality of life here, is not what you think it is, before you decide to make that move.

These are all words I have spoken before, I hear you say.  Well yes undoubtedly they are.  Some days I feel upbeat and chipper, others I feel downbeat and exasperated; if you like, that is the story of my time, so far in Spain; it is a roller coaster ride.  If one includes, the year or so before I came to live in Gran Alacant, it really has been  non stop turbulence and upheaval.  One does get to a point, when  all the angst and apprehension, just boils to the surface. I think it may well be doing so at the moment. I have had a constant chest infection, since November and not coped well with the atrocious winter we have had and today, I just feel rotten.

In one of my earlier articles I talked about the frustration I feel on a daily basis.  Just to  update you, I still feel the same, everyday I live here.  I guess you never expected me to say anything different today, did you.  Of course, I don't have an endless supply of money or patience, to spend, however long, waiting.  Unless you are retired in Spain, life can be very difficult.  As a middle age forty something, starting again, it is more difficult for me than most.  I have lived my life in the relative comfort of the UK, so the harsh realities of Spain, make it more difficult to get to grips with the madness, that is the jobs market here; which I understand even less, it has to be said!

Darrell is back in seven days, after spending seven months away, living in Australia. Whilst I understand why he had to be with his Mother, during her course of chemotherapy, it has caused problems for us and our life in Spain. We have had to put our life on hold for virtually a year, nearly the amount of time, I at least have lived in Gran Alacant. We came to Spain in a fairly good position and am now left in a rather precarious situation, where timing is important.  It is OK, to put your life on hold, caring for a loved one, but the knock on effect to us, could be catastrophic. We have bills to pay and at some point, very soon, need to pick up, from where we left off and just hope the changes, have no long term adverse consequences; only time will tell just what we have to deal with.  Yet again, we are playing catch up, restarting once more.

Just a few things to moan about today; I am sure I will have many more circumstances to grumble about in the future. It is a fact of life, that we all have negative comments to make from time to time.  I am not going to change a whole country or system, but I do hope that our time in Spain can at least now begin to show a little more fruit. It is time to knuckle down, make choices and decisions, about whether we want spend the rest of out life in Spain or we want to return to the UK, where our prospects could be far better.  I have no answers, as to direction, at the moment.  I am waiting for a new bar to open and want to channel my energy towards that trajectory at the moment.  If my situation changes, then It will be time to rethink, where we go from here and I am certainly not afraid, to make difficult decisions, anymore!

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