It has been a particularly difficult time for me recently, with regard to my IBS. The pain I experience tends to come and go in intensity, but I am always aware it is there. It isn't soreness in the traditional sense, but rather a discomfort that does make my life harder. Of course, the symptoms do wax and wane with my general well-being, but they are a constant in my life, that just won't go away. If I am feeling anxious, the symptoms are magnified, and I can be doubled up in pain, unable to complete daily tasks as I would like. At the moment, I seem to have more negative indicators than usual, and I am being left debilitated and exhausted.

The strict calorie control diet I have been following, seems to have made my IBS worse than ever, and I can only put that down to eating more fruit and vegetables, which doesn't always agree with my constitution. Anything that ferments in the stomach causes side effects, and it appears this is what is happening. I have lost an awful lot of kilos on this weight loss programme, but I have had to make sacrifices in the process. The hope is, I can get back to eating a more IBS friendly diet soon, which should help the soreness settle down; until then I will just have to battle on, until I have reached my goal, which is only a few kilograms away.

This week I had my third COVID vaccine booster, something I was glad to do and in many respects looking forward to. Unlike anti-vaxxers, I want to get back to normal and live my life, rather than continually hiding away from this deadly virus. Whether we take the vaccine, is a personal choice, but, why oh why wouldn't you?

My appointment on Thursday was at Laly's Chemist, near Guildhall Walk in Portsmouth, and it was organised perfectly. I went straight into a room, where I was given the Moderna vaccine in my left arm. This was a bit of a surprise as I thought all booster doses would be Pfizer, but according to the nurse, Moderna had also just been approved by the government. The two different types were being used that day, and it was just pot luck that I had been given the one I had. Moderna is similar to Pfizer in regard to the low temperatures it has to be stored, and I was asked to wait for fifteen minutes before leaving the pharmacy, after the jab.

Many of those who had their third dose of the vaccine, have suffered far more adverse effects compared with the previous two, so I was expecting the worst. I did suffer a little more, but nothing like those friends I had spoken to. There weren't any specific symptoms, but I just felt low, down and under the weather for a few hours; after a good night's sleep, I was back to my old self once again.

I am grateful for receiving my COVID booster, especially as we enter the cold winter months. My hope is, it will afford me adequate protection for the next six months at least. I have a feeling we will all have to get a vaccination every six months in order to beat this virus, in the short term at least. I fail to understand why anyone wouldn't want to get one, but unlike Austria, who has just made vaccines mandatory, I don't think we should be forcing anyone to have a jab if they don't want it. It is a choice what we put into our bodies, and it is up to us if we want to take a measured risk at this time. My fear is many will discover the benefits of the vaccine too late, when they have lost loved ones or fall ill themselves. It is up to us to reject conspiracy theories and accept the scientific advice.

This week, Darrell has started work, after being in the country for a little over two months. We have had a lot of problems getting him to where he is today, because of the 'biometric card' requirement. In order for him to work, he has to prove his immigration status, which he only has in paper form, issued in 2001. Everywhere he applied to work, rejected his application, because he couldn't provide the correct information. Luckily, my employer went out of their way to contact the Home Office and get an alternative letter, allowing him to prove his right to work and thus start his new job at the same supermarket where I work.

My employer went that extra mile to help Darrell work again, and I can't say enough, how grateful I am. This says much about them as employers and shows their commitment to staff and their families. The agonizing wait, passed from pillar to post between employer and Home Office, was stressful and anxiety inducing at times, but with determination we have finally managed to get him to a stage where he can actually work again.

This is another weight off my mind, and maybe it will help ease my ongoing IBS symptoms. One less worry makes for one less day dealing with this debilitating syndrome. My stress levels do seem to have dominated my life for the last six months or so, and it's time I looked for a new approach to dealing with it. I am working on a long term future plan, that will finally allow me the freedom to live life in a more harmonious way, all I need now is the opportunity to put it into practice.

And finally…

Darrell celebrated his 49th Birthday yesterday, and it was nice to have him here, the first time in many years. Unlike Birthdays of the past, we just had our friend Ramona over and a Chinese takeaway. Neither of us are in the mood for big celebrations and boozy nights out; so with a mug of Bovril and some chocolate cake, we saw in the last year of his forties and looked forward to a better year ahead. Let's hope the World returns to normal and all of us can live again!

It's been a week of mixed feelings if I am honest; there has been more downs than ups sadly, but I have had a week off and been making the most of my time.  This is really my last segment of annual leave before next year, so I decided to do very little. I haven't done anything taxing or challenging, but just relaxed, taken time out and  made the most of my time with Darrell.

The beginning of the week started well enough, then on Thursday Darrell, my Aunt and I went to see Dad at home in Titchfield. Once again, this was the first visit in a while, due to the ongoing pandemic. My Father, although fit and well, is still of an age, where he should take more care, especially around other people. The potential for COVID infection is high and for this reason alone, I do limit the visits I make to see him, not wanting to subject him to potential harm. Nevertheless, it was great to see him and give him his Birthday card and present, celebrating his 73rd in a few days.

We had a lovely meal out at Titchfield Mill, just round the corner from his house, and chatted over good food and a few drinks.

Going home to the place of my birth is always a challenge, I am not the greatest fan of village life. Since leaving home, I have spent most of the time living in cities or by the coast in different areas of the World. Titchfield, is not really my destination of choice, but Dad has lived there all his life and has never really ventured outside the village. For him, it is home, and a very comfortable one at that.

I have always felt safe and secure there, and in many respects it does hold some special memories for me. I had a very happy childhood, but my teenage years were rather different and for that reason, this small village on the south coast of England, isn't my favourite place to visit.

There are of course still many memories of Mum around the house, which is comforting, but it does also evoke happier times when Mum was alive, and that can hurt. Dad does, however, seem to have come to terms with her untimely death and has managed to rebuild his life in a positive and fulfilling way. He is doing more today than he has done in many years, even managing to go on holiday to Yorkshire this year. I am proud of just what he has achieved in the face of adversity, as I know we all are.

The day after visiting Dad, I was given some news I had been waiting for. The Doctor phoned me in the morning to tell me my 'FIT' test result had come back positive. A 'FIT' test measures the amount of blood in the gastrointestinal tract. Normally there is only a small amount, but with a positive result, it was clear there was far more than there should be, and I will now have to undergo further tests, to discover just what is going on.

I have been suffering from blood loss for a little over a month now, so this result was really no surprise, but it is deeply concerning for me. I have always put my stomach and bowel issues down to IBS, but with bleeding and a change in bowel habits, there is a risk something else is going on. At fifty years old, I am well aware I am in a dangerous age category, where I am more susceptible to conditions that I wouldn't be otherwise. I am always proactive in getting tested for any potential areas of concern and now, at least, looking after myself, unlike the last 49 years.

Even though I have now lost over two stone in weight and have gone from obese to nearly normal weight, I am mindful of the challenges ahead. We are entering a more dangerous phase of COVID-19 and as a fifty-year-old man, I need to look after myself; Thankfully I will get my booster on 25 November. I am also trying hard to stick to a healthy diet, keep my weight down and stay as fit as I can for the long winter months.

Times really are still tough, and I remain apprehensive for the future, but I am doing all I can to protect myself and others and continue to wear a mask in a public setting  and socially distance when possible. On top of this, Darrell should also be able to apply for his booster jab in a month, despite being vaccinated in Australia. With him also starting a new job this week, it is essential we both continue to remain as safe as we can; during uncertain times, it is important to follow advice and take precautions. I aim to survive the oncoming storm and do not relish the opportunity of having COVID once again; All of us need to do the right thing!
 
Have a great week, y'all!

Being preoccupied with work recently, has been an absolute God send. At times, I moan about all the extra shifts I've taken on, complaining about how tired I am and how I should relax a bit more. However, it is my choice to take on any extra hours and if I am honest, I not only enjoy it, but it also helps me deal with the pressures I am under at the moment. I am fortunate to be doing jobs  I love, working with people who I adore and always have time for. My colleagues listen to my tales of woe and also lift me up when I am feeling down; God knows there have been a lot of days like that over the last month or so.

Whether I am working in the Newcome Arms, or in the local supermarket, I am just thankful to be employed, especially during this enduring pandemic. There has been moments of fun and laughter also, even while working in busy and challenging environments. Halloween has been a fantastic opportunity to let my hair down, despite working in my various roles. Dressing up and getting involved has been a real stress reliever. For a brief period of time, I have been able to forget about my own issues and concentrate on living in the moment. I am comfortable being in other people's company, chatting and soaking up the atmosphere at such a magical time of year.

It has been difficult stepping back from Zerina and the rest of the volunteers, even for a short while. This was my time, a day for me to enjoy the company of like-minded individuals and be who I want to be.  Darrell, however, has started to work there himself, while I am unable to, and that makes me happy, keeping that link alive while I do what I have to do.

As I begin a well-earned break and a short period of annual leave, I was able to pop into the shop in Commercial Road to say hi to everyone, and it felt like coming home. You have to remember this was the first place I started to work at, back in 2018. These were the first people I interacted with, after returning from Gran Alacant and the job that helped me restart my life in the UK. Naturally I have a strong affection for Cancer Research and everyone who works there and will most certainly be back in the future.

Despite my work commitments, I have managed to spend some valuable time with family, even if it was brief. My Aunt threw a Halloween party for the grandchildren and friends, and it was a great afternoon. It is events like this that make for noteworthy memories; without the kids, cousins and friends, my life would be all the poorer. At fifty years old, I have realised the significance of my kin folk and having them around. It is true, I have never been a big family man; there are periods I just want my space and time for Darrell and me, but I am well aware of how richer my life is with them in it.

It is important to note my continued battle with weight loss at this point. I am well aware I haven't been easy to live with since the beginning of October. When I began my quest to lose a few kilograms, I was well aware of the multiple times I have tried to diet in the past, all without success. On the 4th October I weighed nearly a hundred kilograms, today I weigh 89 kg, which is nearly a loss of two stone. It has been hard sticking to a strict calorie controlled diet, especially with all the stress I have, but surprisingly I have continued to follow my programme. This certainly isn't something I could maintain indefinitely, especially with all the work I have to do, but it is an encouragement to reach my goal of a 15 kg weight loss by the end of this month.

On top of this, I have had to endure the spectre of a reoccurring health issue, that has resurfaced after a long break. I am currently taking antibiotics for Diverticulitis, and they have rather knocked me for six. After seeing three Doctors in just two days and undergoing test after test, the results of which I am still waiting for, I have been given a course of two strong antibiotics, which have turned my stomach inside out; not great when you have IBS. Today I am having a semi fasting day and trying to manage my symptoms as best I can. My stomach is a lot calmer than it was, but still doesn't feel right.

Going out last night, with my old college friend Ramona, probably didn't help my IBS, but it's been five months since we saw each other and a long-overdue visit was in order. Darrell, Ramona and I popped down to Gunwharf Quays for a meal at Bella Italia, not part of my weight loss regime, but necessary nonetheless.

Neither of us have seen many friends, over the last few years, especially with the pandemic; it was important for us to start making time for those we regard as close and begin spending quality time with each other again. Like us, Ramona has had her fair share of ups and downs, so sharing our experiences helps, when we are going through hard times. It's always great to see Ramona, someone I have known for thirty years, she understands me more than anyone I know apart from Darrell and has always been an integral part of my life. She is the one person I can count on, while the rest of the 'hangers on' disappeared, usually up their own ar*es, and I thank God she remains firmly in my life.

....And finally...

There's a new cat in the house, Ragner the Ragdoll… He is absolutely adorable and the perfect addition to my Aunts household. If I had my way, I'd have hundreds of cats, so this twelve-week-old boy is just the icing on the cake, especially for my Aunt, who he absolutely loves. As a pedigree, he has a character and personality like no other, and I know he will give all of us joy at the end of a hard day's work. Cats are the biggest destresser I know, and he is already helping with the anxiety I feel on a daily basis!

... Things can only get better!