Roaming Brit - Blog

From a new life in spain, to an old life in britain, 'roaming brit' documents uncertain times!

On 31st January 2016, my partner and I left Southampton to start a new life as Expats in Gran Alacant, on the Costa Blanca. This blog will document our journey, as we navigate the Spanish system, travelling a path untried and untested. With Brexit looming, political turmoil in Europe and an unpredictable future, harsh decisions have to be made. Illness, family bonds and a Change of heart all make for challenging times in a life of a 'Roaming Brit!'

A House in Osaka!

16/1/2020

My Aunt and I have been busy booking every stage of our trip to Japan and Thailand and have managed to complete a good proportion of our arrangements. We have already paid for our flights from London to Osaka on China Airways and organised our flights from Tokyo to Phuket in Thailand with Cathay Pacific. After looking at cheaper alternatives, we decided to pay extra and use a better carrier. The timings and flight arrivals were just too off kilter and clashed with the rest of our holiday plans! We have learnt that cheapest is not always best and to be honest I didn't really want to travel on some of the more obscure airlines anyway.

Whilst in Osaka, our first stop in Japan, we have decided to rent a traditional Japanese house and came across the quintessentially Nipponese residence above. The home is typical of many you will find in this city and its charm made a big impact on me. I firmly believe that when travelling to foreign shores you should experience as much of the culture and lifestyle as you can. Staying in a typical property, as we did when we visited Korea is part of the experience I enjoy. This isn't however an easy option; without the services of a hotel to arrange trips, taxis and travelling it can be a little daunting, especially as one tries to navigate the Japanese language.

This evening we will be sorting out other aspects of our itinerary including accommodation in Tokyo and Thailand and return flights to the UK. Once this is out of the way we will be able to relax a little more, but with only four months to go, time is pressing on, and we have a lot to do.

Planning and organising holidays has never really been my strong point, so I am glad my Aunt is able to undertake much of that side of things. Like most people however, reading, researching and preparing for our departure is a great feeling, lifting one's spirits at a time when I could do with a boost at least. Travelling across the World has always played a big part in mine and Darrell's life, so it is important that we carry on that tradition, for as long as we are able. Our relationship may well be difficult at the moment, but at least we can still continue doing the things we enjoy!

Pain & Pleasure!

13/1/2020

Last night I spent a lovely evening with friends, talking, gossiping and putting the World to rights. It felt great to relax in good company for a change, especially after the week I have had. The pain from Diverticulitis and IBS has been getting me down, especially over the last few days. I find it important to do things that take my mind off the way I am feeling, so being around people chatting the night away is just what the Doctor ordered; my mind was at least clear for a few quality hours!

It is true to say, I have suffered greatly with various conditions and ailments over the last year, mainly due to stress and anxiety, but I am learning to live with the pain. Today however, when I woke up, it was just too much to bear and I rang the Doctors surgery for advice. After describing the situation I was made an appointment and told to come in later in the day.

This is the first time Diverticular Disease has caused me significant problems and most certainly won't be the last, so it is necessary to do what I can to stop any future complications; this is one difficulty I don't want getting out of hand.

The Doctor did the usual checks and diagnosed a Diverticulitis flare up and a particularly nasty one at that. I am hoping a course of antibiotics will cure the problem for now, if not I could end up in hospital, which I really don't want. She understood the complications of the disease and was pretty helpful in regard to living with it, stressing the importance of change and eating a simple, non-spicy diet. Plain chicken, salad or vegetables with no carbs is best.

I also discussed the reasons why I may have acquired IBS in the first place, something that has always puzzled me. The first time I noticed any digestive issues was when I was living in Spain, shortly after being given Statins to lower my high cholesterol; before that, I was perfectly healthy, except maybe for stress and the odd bout of depression. Having read up on Statins, I came across story after story of people suffering from joint pain and abdominal spasms, similar to those experienced in IBS. The timing of my symptoms, coinciding with the prescribing of Pravastatin was no accident and I firmly believe the two are related. I mentioned my concerns to the Doctor who understood what I was trying to say but told me to mention it to my own GP when I next see her.

I seem to be looking for answers don't I, well I guess I am; taking a lot of medication every day can't be good for one's constitution. Taking other pills in the past made me feel similarly unwell at times, not as bad as I do now, but nevertheless not one hundred percent. I would dearly love to stop popping statins, which are intensely nasty drugs, but I understand I am supposed to live with them for the rest of my life. I need to take advice about what to do next; even cutting my dose of Statins will help to stem the tide of pain I experience at the moment I'm sure; so a trip to the Doctors once again is in order and hopefully we can come to a long term plan to help reduce the manifestations I experience almost on a daily basis!

Putting Things Into Perspective!

9/1/2020

I haven't been feeling particularly great recently, as the British weather takes its toll and my sense of well-being takes a bit of a knock. Since returning from Asia last year, I have had a number of health issues that have been getting me down. Suffering with the constant pain of IBS and Diverticulitis together, has been my biggest bugbear. Despite having good periods, where I exhibit no symptoms at all, for the majority of the time, I do have annoying, frequent and painful flare-ups which last weeks and sometimes months at a time.

There isn't much I can do about the symptoms I suffer from, so haven't been to the Doctor in a few months. This is unusual from me, since my health anxiety can be quite challenging and for a while I was in and out of the GP surgery, on an almost weekly basis. Today however, I just can't be bothered to see anyone, and I am learning to live with the various ailments I have. Of course most conditions can be treated with medicine and you will be feeling better in a matter of days, IBS and Diverticulitis however, are chronic long term illnesses that can only be managed. Living with these two digestive disorders isn't easy and as I grow older I am finding them more difficult to deal with.

My problems are nothing compared to other peoples issues, who live with worse complaints than me. As someone who suffers with extreme anxiety, I do tend to over think the way I am feeling and can blow a simple issue out of all proportion. Learning to deal with my thoughts and trying to keep a level head are important when you are feeling the way I am. Trying to get things into perspective and stop thinking the worst, is part of a process of retraining my mind to cope with issues, that others seem well able to deal with.

This week at work, one of our regular customers came in and spent a few hours looking around the shop. The person in question is elderly and always enjoys speaking to my colleagues, doing her best to keep active and play a prominent role in the local community. I spent as much time with her as I could, while she was waiting for a taxi, and she explained a little about her life as a painter and how lonely she felt after the death of her husband. Something about this lady struck a chord with me, she reminded me of my late Grandmother, who I was estranged from for the last ten years of her life. I really enjoyed speaking with her, she brought back many happy memories.

Senior citizens are amazing people, wise and for the most part a joy to be around. This lady had so much to offer the World, even at her age. No matter how she felt, what ailments she had or how alone she was, she was still doing everything she could to make sure she lives a full and accomplished life and it kind of put my small problems into perspective. Apart from anything else, It took my mind off my own troubles for a short while and allowed me to concentrate on someone else's welfare. It really is amazing how much better you can feel, just by talking to a complete stranger.

The next day I bought a bunch of flowers and a card and took them around to this beautiful soul. I wanted to show appreciation for her and make sure she was OK after her tiring trip to Tesco. This clearly isn't usual practice, but some people touch your heart in such a profound way, you have to do what you feel is right. This lady found the gesture deeply moving and it brought a tear to her eye. Today I can relax a little more and feel a little less pained because of an individual I didn't know, who made me understand the importance of living life to the full, no matter what life throws my way. The World is indeed a wonderful place, filled with amazing characters, I should spend a little less time thinking about myself and more time thinking about them!

Japan and Thailand 2020

6/1/2020

The itierary for my trip to Asia with my Aunt to meet Darrell has been completed. To be honest I leave this kind of planning to my Aunt, who is a seasoned traveller and been to many parts of the World in her time. We enjoyed our three weeks in Asia so much last year, that we are heading there again this year, to Japan and Thailand. Japan is a country I have wanted to see since I was a child and will be the highlight of the trip for me. Thailand will offer us all the opportunity to relax, at the end of another spectacular journey.

We will fly to Osaka in Japan, where we will explore this vibrant city and surrounding area. All of us want to visit the World famous Cat train at Kishi, Hiroshima and Nara national park. From Osaka we will travel by bullet train to Mount Fuji, where we will enjoy a luxurious stay over looking this amazing natural wonder. Next we will take the train once again to Tokyo, spending a few days in this amazing city. I am a person who loves history and hope to visit the Imperial Palace and some of the many Buddhist temples in the capital.

From Tokyo we fill fly to Chiang Mai Elephant Reserve in Thailand, possibly volunteering at this beautiful place. Finally we will fly to Phuket, a mountainous Island covered in rainforest in the Andaman Sea and relax on one of the beaches along the western coast.

Japan has long been on my bucket list and a destination I have always been drawn to. Its people and culture span thousands of years of history and I can't wait to experience a small part of it. Thailand is another country I have not visited yet, one of the few in the region. I have heard some fantastic reports from friends who have travelled here and I look forward to spending a week in this tropical paradise.

2020 looks like another exciting year for travel and with other journeys planned, I look forward to documenting my expedition when I return. Part of the appeal of 'Roaming Brit' is its connection to different parts of the globe. I receive many emails and messages from others thinking about vacationing in Asia or wanting to move to Spain, so for me, this is my favourite part of the job...Hoping on a plane and flying to pastures new!

Review of 2019 - The end of a decade!

5/1/2020

2019 has been a year like no other, one I am glad to see the back of. I seem to have had more bad years than not in recent times and am getting used to the roller coaster ride that is my life at the moment. The year started off well enough, as my Aunt and I started to organise our trip to Asia in May, to meet Darrell, who was flying in from Australia, to connect with us in Hong Kong. Darrell and I are travellers at heart, so organising a three week trip to my favourite part of the World, is a sure fire way of improving my spirits and encouraging a more positive outlook for the future. With plans well and truly in hand, I could get on with the rest of my life, and enjoy my time here in the UK.

After a cold winter, I was also looking forward to seeing my family on the Channel Island of Jersey, travelling with my Uncle and Cousins, to this little slice of the British Isles in June, but it just wasn’t to be. Devastatingly I fell ill a few days before I was due to fly and ended up spending the duration in bed. To be honest I haven’t really recovered from the infection I contracted and was disappointed not to be going to my Aunts home on the Island. This would be a trip for later in the year, but for now my priority was getting well.

Getting well, going to see my GP and constantly worrying about the state of my health, was very much at the forefront of my life last year. From IBS, to Diverticulitis, high blood pressure, anxiety and old age, I was in and out of the Doctors surgery with assured regularity. As I have gotten older, I have started to worry about my general disposition and sense of well-being. 2019 was most certainly a year of worry; brought about by the circumstances I now find myself in, I am likely to carry on very much in the same vein, at least until mine and Darrell’s life changes for the better. As we move into 2020, I don’t expect things to alter very much in the short term, a factor that will hopefully improve in the future.

I lost three people I was close to this year, in what I can only describe as a dreadful period of loss. In January my dear Aunt Carol died, after a long battle with cancer. Carol was someone I always looked up to and a person who had always stuck by me, when no one else did, no matter what. She was the link to my family that I lost at different times in my life and she was the glue that held my memories together. A gracious, giving and generous lady, who I will always think of and will forever be in my heart.

During the summer Uncle Ray died after a short illness also. He was the centre of life at the Newcome Arms where I work and was a character like no other. Ray welcomed me home to Portsmouth and was always there to help when he could. His loss is all our loss and I will miss him dearly, like everyone else who knew him!

In October, my Mother also died; long suffering, she fought bravely until the end, when she couldn’t fight any more. Despite my reservations at the time, I was glad to be with her at the end. Mum’s pain was visible in her final hours and my heart broke seeing her in so much agony. In the end she died of a heart attack, rather than anything related to her long term illness and I am thankful she went quickly, surrounded by her family. When one looses someone close, one is transported to a very different World. My life will never be the same without her, as I know my Father and Brothers wont be; all of us will always mourn her passing and think of her everyday.

During happier times I was lucky enough to travel to Vietnam, Hong Kong, South Korea and Cambodia last year, in order to meet Darrell. I travelled along with my Aunt to Asia, where we spent an amazing three weeks navigating some truly memorable countries. This was indeed the holiday of a lifetime and a trip I shall always remember for its uniqueness and awe inspiring wonderment. I have travelled to many parts of the World over the years, but never so many amazing countries with so much to see and experience. By the end of the trip, I was exhausted, through sheer cultural overload. This journey has opened the door to our holiday to Japan and Thailand this year and is an enduring memory I shall take with me wherever I go. Travel is the reason I live and will always be a big part of my life!

Darrell arrived in the UK in November, to spend a month away from life with his Mother in Australia. I was thrilled to see him after six months apart and we spent a fantastic four weeks together. Both of us flew to Jersey, so I could finally see my family and despite the weather, we enjoyed the relative peace and quiet on this beautiful island. This was also the first time I had met my Cousins George and Pheobe, ending an unforgettable time getting to know my family.

My connection to family has become closer this year, spending time with relatives from both my Mother and Fathers side, talking about times I had almost forgotten. I have spent 2019 making a conscious effort to rebuild some badly broken bridges and despite the loss of Mum am glad my family seem closer now than ever before.

As I look back at this past year I am struck by the twelve months of contrasting events. 2019 was a time of very mixed emotions and has pushed me and my family to our limits. We have all once again weathered the storm that was circling and have come out the other side emotionally and physically drained. Only seeing my husband twice a year has also become a struggle, as we both try and make the best of our situation, doing our utmost for one another. I never imagined my life would end up quite like this and although I do have my down days, I am still happy and positive looking forward to another twelve months of ups and downs. As I try and manoeuvre my way along this war torn road, they call life, I am mindful of the mistakes of the past. This may not be the way it was planned, but it sure makes for an eventful time!

Australian Fires!

4/1/2020

Like everyone else, I have been watching in horror at the disaster unfolding in Australia; wild fires causing devastation across the continent. Already an area the size of Belgium has been destroyed and half a billion animals lost in New South Wales alone. This is destruction on an unprecedented scale and I have been dumbfounded at the pictures I have seen on television.

I spoke to Darrell a few days ago in Western Australia, just to find out if he is OK. The fires are concentrated in the Eastern states and Darrell hasn't been directly affected by them, although there are still many wild fires ablaze in the west. The type of incidences we are witnessing usually occur in Darrell's home state, which is normally drier and hotter than the east, but this year the reverse is true and Australians can only watch, like the rest of the World, as the Eastern seaboard burns unabated.

I have lived in Australia twice with Darrell over the twenty four years we have been together and have experienced some particularly harsh weather. I remember it was so hot during the summer of 1998, that you couldn't even move to turn on the air conditioner. Australia is a country of extremes in every respect, one of the reasons I chose not to live there. However it is one of the most beautiful places I have ever lived and have many fond memories of my time living there. It is terribly sad seeing such awful scenes playing out in front of our eyes. The loss to Australia and the World is immeasurable.

The reaction of Scott Morrison and the Liberal Government is typical of politicians who understand nothing about the challenges Australians face everyday. The Prime Minister's decision to go on holiday, while Australia burned was unbelievable and shows his complete contempt for the public who voted him into office. This is a man who denies climate change is happening and continues to promote the mining of fossil fuels to keep the lights burning in Sydney. This vast nations reliance on outdated methods of Electricity production, when it could be investing in solar power, an abundant source Australia has unlimited access to, is shameful. This man's refusal to listen to climate change experts has been complicit in the severity of the fires raging across the Eastern states; it is people like him who continue to destroy this planet for no other reason than personal gain. Like Donald Trump, history will judge him harshly for his actions and lack of foresight. The World we live on is dying and no one is prepared to stand up and do the right thing!

Australia will burn for many more weeks yet, as the intensity of the summer grows stronger. As spectators to this travesty, we must do more to help those suffering in my second home Australia.

Please click on the link above, to give what you can to help those in greatest need and rebuild the shattered Eastern States of Australia.

Australia is burning, animals and lives are being lost - Make a donation, MAKE A DIFFERENCE!

Christmas 2019!

1/1/2020

It has been a busy Christmas, far more than any other I can remember in many years. The best thing about being back home in the UK, is our love of the festive season. Christmas was never quite the same in Spain and it became a time of year I resented. Strangely, I have always liked Christmas, often putting up decorations in October. Spending time alone was hard, against everything I believed in, consequently I just wanted the day to be over. This year was very

different, and I have been surrounded by family and friends.

On December the 11th, we were given a pre Christmas party at Tesco, where I work several days a week. I suppose this is when Christmas really started for me and I haven't stopped since. It does feel good to be a part of something at this time of year. In Spain I did feel rather alone and somewhat left out. It can be an unforgiving place and although the Expat community is made up of a fantastic bunch of characters, it can also be very closed to new comers, making life rather difficult!

I did manage to spend some time with Dad before Christmas, going out with him for a meal and exchanging gifts. This will be a particularly difficult time of year for him, being his first Christmas without Mum, but he is still coping remarkably well.

We chatted over lunch for a good hour or two and Dad seemed relaxed, talking about subjects that interested both of us, from politics to family. We also talked about issues we hadn't spoken about before, which did seem rather awkward at times, but Dad felt it important to lay a few ghosts to rest and at least we cleared the air. It would be yet another Christmas spent apart as a family, but we are becoming a little closer day by day!

Both my Aunt and I were working on Christmas Eve and with my Aunt also working on Christmas Day, we opened our main presents to one another when we got home from work. I am lucky to be around my extended family for the next few days but my thoughts obviously turn to Darrell in Australia. My World isn't complete without him here and as I open my gifts I can't help remembering the occasions we spent together during better times. This will be the third Christmas we have spent apart and it doesn't get any easier. I am hoping next year will be very different, but for now we both continue doing what we have to!

Christmas Day I went to my Cousin Rachel's. Together with my Aunty Sue, we spent a lovely afternoon eating, drinking and talking, just what all families do on Christmas Day. I had a few too many pints of Stella if I am honest, which didn't sit well with my constitution, but then that's what generally happens at Christmas.

Boxing Day was filled to the rafters with family, lots and lots of family, just like Christmas used to be. Christmas is of course a time for children and they are what makes this day special. The last time I was surrounded by kids, celebrating like today, would have been when I was a child myself. You see, I have never really had any contact with the younger generation, which has always been a disappointment for me, but I am certainly making up for lost time now.

It felt good to be around everyone this Boxing Day. There were tears, crying, laughter and joy, all rolled into one and that made for an interesting day. Family are far more precious now than ever, especially after the loss of Mum. It is the linchpin that holds the generations together, gives us identity and is responsible for influencing what direction we take in life. It is only fitting that we spend time with those closest during the Christmas period, it is certainly what made Boxing Day memorable for me!

On Sunday along with my Aunt I was invited to my Uncle Paul's house, to celebrate Christmas with my late Mother's family. I haven't celebrated with Mum's family for more years than I care to remember. I felt happy and relaxed to be in the company of relatives, that I only usually see at funerals these days and enjoyed spending time with them all. Of course this Christmas was very different from those of my childhood, but it was a reminder of a past I had almost forgotten about!

Last night I spent a quiet evening relaxing alone on New Years Eve. I wasn't particularly in the mood for socialising at all. I used to enjoy partying and celebrating the new year, but without Darrell, I wasn't in the best of spirits. I used the time to sit and reflect about the past year, another difficult and challenging twelve months. As we move into 2020, I am reminded of the decade we have left behind and can only hope this year will be the beginning of something better; Darrell and I have survived many battles in the past and will do so again. Every new year offers hope for the future and a belief that this year will be different; I walk into 2020 with my head held high and a determination to survive whatever life throws my way!

Asian Adventure - Our Journey Of A Lifetime Comes To An End, 17 May 2019!

27/12/2019

So my Aunt and I have finally left Cambodia and have started our journey home, after three weeks away. We have had an amazing, eventful time, seen many sites, met many people and visited numerous temples, landmarks and culturally diverse communities. I have walked more than I have ever walked before, tasted weird and wonderful cuisine and flown on eight, yes eight aircraft; for a person like me, who is scared of flying, that is a venture I will probably never undertake again. This has been an excursion of discovery in every respect and I remain astonished by just how much we saw in such a short space of time! This was indeed the holiday of a lifetime, but it was more than that, it was an opportunity very few people get; to taste life on the otherside of the World! For someone like me, a small town, village boy, it was a once in a generation adventure that would open my mind to new experiences and test my psyche to its limits!

We are returning to London with Malaysian Airways, not what I wanted, after the disappearance of Flight 370 in 2014, but an airline I have used in the past, without incident. My Aunt and I arrived at Phnom Penh Airport with plenty of time to spare and queued up to secure our seats for the flight home. We were informed that the Kuala Lumpur to London leg of the trip was fully booked and we wouldn’t be able to sit together. For an anxious flyer like me, that wasn’t the news I wanted to hear and after a brief altercation with the staff accepted the inevitable. This was most certainly a flight I was not looking forward to.

A little over an hour ago, we arrived in one of my favourite cities, Kuala Lumpur after a pretty uneventful flight. I haven’t been here since the year 2000 and the airport has changed out of all recognition. Modern, bright, gleaming and typically Asian. This futuristic few hour stop over has brought back many happy memories, travelling to this part of the World with my husband Darrell. In a way it felt like coming home and I was delighted to be here, even if only for a short time! Compared to some of the airports we have travelled through over the last three weeks, KL Airport is a dream, an Oasis and our final farewell on the last leg of our Asian adventure. This big, brash, shiny palace, is the new gateway to Malaysia and the perfect end to our three weeks away!

Darrell and I have visited Kuala Lumpur twice over the years and have an unbreakable bond with this city. Our connection to KL was born in 1997, when I moved to Australia for a second time. By all accounts it has changed a lot and would be a fantastic place to visit once again in the near future. Returning, even briefly has made me smile, something Darrell and I haven’t done a lot of recently. Some places stick in your heart as a reminder of past adventures, with meaning and poignancy; a few destinations remain strong and steadfast, generating direction and guidance and others give you that warm fuzzy feeling and sense of belonging....Malaysia gives them all. This was the first country Darrell and I really fell in love with. We chatted about the possibility of moving to Kuala Lumpur and dreamt of a future far away from British shores. As I sat in the large cavernous concourse, looking towards the tropical views outside, I became hopeful for the future once again, believing in the positivity travel can bring!

With my anxiety levels running high and my Aunt sat in the seat in front, we left KL Airport, next stop the UK…..

I had a lot of time to think on this busy flight. I am certainly not a person to sleep or relax on such a trip, so reading, writing and remembering the last few weeks was top of my agenda as I drank a glass of red wine. Seeing Darrell, even for a short period of time has been amazing and very much a part of our life together now. Having to travel long distances to see each other is necessary and although a little disconcerting and difficult at times, it does give us the opportunity to see places we wouldn’t otherwise visit. Asia is my favourite part of the World and I have been amazed by this undertaking and aghast at the things I have seen. Crocodile farms, Angkor Wat, the magnificent modern city of seoul and its beautiful gracious people, the cat cafes, Buddhist temples in Vietnam, Chi Lin Nunnery in Hong kong and the darker side of Cambodia’s history in Phnom Penh. Together all these experiences and many, many more have made for an exciting, exhilarating and breathtaking adventure, like no other.

As I look forward to my next escapade, next year in Japan and Thailand, I am mindful of the circumstances that brought Darrell and I to where we are today. Darrell’s Mother remains terminally ill in Australia and my Mum has now tragically passed away. We are lucky to travel as we do, but illness and death has been the catalyst for this tumultuous, tempestuous time in our life. Saying farewell to one another has once again been painful, but our expectations of further crusades across this diverse and stunning region of the World is assured. Until we meet again Asia, keep shining bright, you are the light that always brings us together!

My Favourite Christmas Present - Tanya Hatcher!

24/12/2019

I was having a chat with the lovely Tanya at work today about her favourite Christmas present and she told me about a gift she recently received. She spoke about her son giving her tickets for a show she had always wanted to see - 'Disney on Ice.' After recently celebrating her Birthday and with Christmas around the corner, she was delighted to receive such a poignant dispensation. Tanya sent me this delightful video of her priceless reaction; the joy all of us experience when we open a present from a loved one!

As I conclude 'Christmas Thoughts' for another year, I have been amazed by the response of all of you who have taken part in 'My Favourite Christmas Present.' Christmas is a magical time of year and holds many special memories for me, which is why I enjoy hearing from all of you. Everyone has a story to tell, that is important to them, which srikes a chord in all of us at this time of year. The look on Tanya's face will be mirrored by millions of families up and down the Country tomorrow morning and I would like to wish all of you a very Happy Christmas and a big thank you for your continued support throughout the year!

Christmas - A Sense Of Belonging!

22/12/2019

This time of year is exhausting. I have just finished a mammoth weekend of work and have finally crashed out on my bed, before another hectic day tomorrow. When you work in retail Christmas is the busiest time of year; you get very little time off. I am fortunate enough to like my job or rather jobs, enjoy being around people and even love the festive season. There isn’t a lot that gets me down and I am a naturally happy person most of the time, so serving people in a busy supermarket, pulling a pint behind a bar or volunteering at Cancer Research is nearly always a joy.

This year I am lucky enough to have Christmas Day and Boxing Day off and will be able to spend quality time with family. Dad will be spending it with my Brother in Basingstoke and I will be with my Aunt and Cousins here in Portsmouth. Christmas is very different to those of the past, especially when Darrell and I lived in Spain. I haven’t enjoyed a family Yuletide for many years, so this is all very different for me, but I am relishing being home, especially when it matters most.

Working at the Newcome Arms last night, I felt comfortable, relaxed and part of the local neighbourhood in a way I have never felt anywhere else. I have written much about the importance of community in the past and have lived in many different parts of the World, so I am somewhat of an expert when integrating with the ‘locals;’ whatever I am doing, I am happiest around people. Mum always used to remark on the friendships I had and my personable nature and that is one aspect of me that has never changed, no matter where I am. Bonds and companionship are consequential, especially with Darrell currently residing in Australia; my relationships with others remain significant and crucial in determining my direction living in the UK.

Christmas is a period of excess and spending time with those closest; when I look back, I really have been a part of some fantastic occasions, the memories of which are vividly flooding back as I write. The raucous parties of the past and cooking for a house full of people are long gone. Today I am happiest in the company of family, opening presents and having a pint or two of Stella; rather tame in comparison to the ghosts of Christmas past. Darrell and I always invited people over on Christmas Day, who would otherwise be alone and that was also another important aspect of our Christmas together. Today that has changed and this conspicuous gesture has become a distant memory. When we are eventually back together, I would love to rekindle this tradition. Everyone should open their doors at Christmas and give someone less fortunate the same joy we all experience.

Tomorrow I have another long shift at work and it is going to be a busy, exhausting day. I am tired and warn out, but I do have Christmas Day and Boxing Day to recover and enjoy that much needed, valuable time with my relatives. It would have been nice to spend time with Dad, after losing Mum in October but that just can’t happen. I have never been close to my Brother and can’t be in his company for too long without falling out; therefore we do what is necessary and avoid each other and go our separate ways. It works for us as a family, can makes things a little awkward at times but essentially it’s the way it’s always been.

Living on the fringes of family life has never been ideal, especially at this time of year, but is there such a thing as the perfect family? I have a great relationship with my Aunt and Cousins and that is all that matters. In the same way we can’t always have what we want for Christmas, we can’t always have what we want in life. As long as we accept our limitations and understand our place in the grand scheme of things, life can be pretty good. Christmas is what you make it, the people you choose to spend time with, those you invite to be a part of it and most important of all the quality time you enjoy with them. Do what makes you happy, not what others expect and enjoy this special, memorable and on occasion, challenging time of year!