The last week has been an expensive one, for me at least. Today, I spend very little, preferring to save for my precarious future, rather than waste money on going out and buying rubbish I don't actually need. This past couple of years has taught me much about survival, and I am no longer the person I once was. I am most certainly more careful with my finances, so much so, some people would call me damn right tight, but after the times I have lived through, I have no option but to build a new life for me and Darrell when he returns from Australia.

Anyone who knows me well enough, understands just how bad I was with money in the past. Always living for the moment, I spent money quicker than I could earn it, never having anything for a rainy day. I have very little to show for it, but I have lived a life most people could only dream of. I have travelled the World, lived abroad and enjoyed myself to the full. My party lifestyle extending from my teens, throughout my young adulthood and well into my forties. To think, I was still clubbing for days on end at 45 years old. You have to understand, I have had very little responsibility in life, no kids to look after and a career path that never stayed in the same place for too long. I was able to do what I wanted, when I wanted, despite the consequences.

I was, in fact still am, a person with a highly addictive personality. Shopping was my major downfall, whether buying from shopping channels on TV, especially QVC, or buying houses (three in a year, ) I would always do it to excess. Package after package would arrive at the front door, brochures for holidays, details for property in France or a 'buy to let' up north; you name it, I would buy it, usually with little or no research. When I decided to open a share dealing account, investing thousands of pounds in various companies, with little knowledge of their business plans, it was a recipe for disaster. As easy as it was to invest, it was easier to lose it all, which I did in spectacular form. Within four years I went from having the World,  to owning nothing, zilch, not a dime.

Today, I regard spending a few hundred pounds as extravagant and over the top, so replacing a mattress and television, as I have had to this week, has made me shudder. It takes me back to bad times and a chapter in my life that left me penniless. Even though I am aware I will not go down that path again, I still feel that pain. Anything I did to the extreme, does affect me negatively today. I have enjoyed my life and have some fantastic memories, but all of them are tinged with sadness. When we experience highs in life, lows will inevitably follow. I suppose living through this pandemic, is in many respects the penance I have to pay for the mistakes of the past. The frugal life I lead now, is a lesson for the future and should help me stay grounded for as long as it takes to start over again.

In the grand scheme of things, the money I spent this week means very little. I have built up a substantial nest egg, but I just can't forget the history of who I am. I am scared I will head back to the dark days of spending without limits, and that isn't where I want to go again. My relationship with money is fraught with problems, but I have no choice but to learn from my mistakes and adopt a new mindset.

This process of renewal began when I lived in Spain, subsistence living at its finest, and I continue very much in the same vein today. Spain was a great healer for me, that brought me back to a way of life, I last experienced living with my Mother and Father in the 1970s. As a child, I had no money, my family working hard for everything they had. There was no credit, no debt and no help from others. The only thing that mattered then, was keeping a roof over ones head, just as it does today. I don't need or want luxuries any more, I just want to survive, be around family and NOT, I repeat NOT, make the same mistakes of the past.

This old man is still learning; I am doing what I should have done years ago. It's the little things that make me happy, it's the money saving, cautious, prudent and thrifty me that should have been centre stage. This week I was able to find an NHS dentist, after not being able to afford to go to one in over a decade. Instead of spending six or seven hundred pounds, I paid a mere fraction of that, in order to get my teeth back in good shape. Despite the reasonable price, I still remained reluctant to part with my hard-earned cash, that's how far I have come.

The passing years have been a challenge in every respect. I have changed out of all proportion, something I hope to continue to do. You won't find me repeating the mistakes of the past, because I can't afford to. The journey I have been on, even since I started blogging in 2015, has been arduous, and I continue to fight for the life I should have had. The pennies I save today will open doors to my future tomorrow and help Darrell and I finally settle down together. Our success lies in our love for each other, the memories we share and our tried and tested relationship. We won't ever be rich and enjoy the lifestyle of our peers, but we will remain happy together, ducking, diving, working hard and surviving. Pushing forwards with positivity, we will always be  mindful of failure and tripping at the final hurdle.

I have had the busiest of weeks, working nearly fourteen days without a break. The Newcome is back open now and with extra shifts at work, I have a full schedule. At the moment I have had to limit my blogging to once a week, in order to fit everything in and will be volunteering as and when I can, when time allows. I don't normally function well under such circumstances, preferring a more relaxed attitude to work, but with little else to do, as we move out of lockdown, I am happy doing what I can to earn some extra money.

I have built up a substantial nest egg since the beginning of the pandemic; with holiday's and travel off the cards, I have been able to save in a way I haven't in the past. Usually I would be preparing to travel to Asia at this time of year, to meet Darrell, but with all flights to the far east grounded for the foreseeable future and Darrell unable to leave Perth, I have been concentrating my efforts on building a fund for our future.

Luckily I have learnt a lot since my hedonistic days, spending money quicker than I earned it, enjoying life far too much and having little or no cash to live on. Today I have been able to do something I have never done before, saving for the future when Darrell moves back home. Equally, Darrell has been saving money in Australia and by the time we both come together once again, we hope to have enough to purchase a property together. Of course the way the World is, nothing is for certain, but at least we will have options available to us, unlike the past, when we were very much at the mercy of circumstances, usually beyond our control!

During those rare moments, when I do have the time, I have been thinking about the 'what lies ahead' quite a lot. At the moment, the pandemic really does cloud judgement and offers little positivity, but this awful time will finally come to an end and all of us will get back to a new kind of normal. That will be an opportunity to live our life as we would have always wanted, not how others would expect.

Obviously, we have been discussing the direction we travel in for quite some time. It has helped tremendously to have dreams and aspirations during a time of crisis, and both of us look forward to a period when we can finally put those ambitions into practice and focus on the final leg of our journey together. Many people have asked us if we intend to return to Spain and pick up from where we left off. Both of us have considered this as a viable option, but it looks increasingly likely, this won't happen. When this pandemic finally comes to an end, it doesn't look likely there will be many opportunities left, for two older males looking for adventure. This was a dream that died in 2018, and it is probably best left there, during the period before Brexit and the virus that ravaged the World.

Family has become the linchpin of my life in recent years, in a way it wasn't before, and it appears like we will remain as close to loved ones as we can. My Father isn't getting any younger and I want to be able to spend as much time with him and of course my extended family as I can. Darrell, equally wants the same, as well as remaining in Europe, where he can be close to his Croatian family, maybe spending longer periods with them at convenient times of the year. I have missed travelling to Split and seeing Cousins Marin and Vlatka every year as we used to, and feel we need to reenergise that important relationship and rekindle family bonds, so important now, more than ever.

Living with my Aunt has been a God send and has allowed me to finally get on in life.  She has said, both Darrell and I can live here for as long as we want. To be honest I am more happy living here, than I have been living anywhere in the UK, so this will probably remain our British home of choice. I have grown used to living in Portsmouth now and enjoy having the large family around me. However, we still need to put down roots somewhere and continue to look for a home, either in the UK or further afield. I am toying with the idea of buying a small place in Scotland, Wales or on the borders, as well as looking for cheaper alternatives in Portsmouth. Property is very expensive here, but there are static and mobile home options along the coast, near the sea, where Darrell and I, or my Cousins and the kids, can get away for a holiday. This is the first time we have options, and the first time we are thinking sensibly, so for now both of us will just continue to work and save for the future.

Staying close to home makes more sense, especially as I get older. I do have many health issues to contend with, unsurprisingly, so access to the National Health Service is a must. Currently, I am waiting for two operations and four different procedures; I could be called at anytime and don't want to be too far from the UK. It looks likely my health will always be a source of concern, so limited or only private access to a European health system really isn't an option.

Every day I read of expats relocating back home, because they have lost many of their rights after Brexit, so it would seem foolish to do the opposite ourselves. The NHS does have many problems, but it is a system I understand well and costs me nothing to be a member. My working rights exist here in Britain; I no longer have the option of working in the EU. So it looks like it's time to settle down in the place I know the best and forget the dream of a European life. We both enjoyed our time in Spain immensely, but it no longer makes sense long term. Our closeness to the EU will always be there; through family and historic links, we will always journey to the continent on a regular basis. Nonetheless, our life together will be firmly tied to Britain and both of us intend to make the most of that adventure together.

The last time I discussed the future was in December 2020. Back then I still had a yearning for returning to Spain and in many respects I still do. I have come to realise over the last six months, however, that dreams don't necessarily make for practical solutions. Expats are returning from all over Europe because we voted to leave the EU and there are perfectly reasonable reasons why. The 90-day rule, means that unless you are a resident, you will have to leave the EU/Schengen area every three months. This would be totally impractical for Darrell and I, impacting our life and derailing our plans. Unable to earn the required salary in Spain, leaving us on a limited income, we would be much better off living in the UK and all the security and benefits that affords. Yes this is a blow, but it also offers a glimmer of hope to look else where, possibly Asia, where we both love equally; a natural home, where we could finally be happy together.

For now, we remain content to live in the UK, spending time with family and planning for the decade ahead; staying grounded for now, changing course when feasible and keeping dreams alive consistently, life is always evolving. We intend to adapt with the changing tide, always looking for new horizons; nothing is for certain in our unconventional life, just the rollercoaster we continue to ride, the difficulties we were born to overcome and the expectations we subsist to pursue.

This Friday really did feel like a new chapter, despite the Indian Coronavirus variant raging across Britain at the moment.  Like most of us, I have my concerns about this new COVID strain, but after having my second vaccination I have finally started to relax a little more.

Originally I was due to have my second dose of AstraZeneca on the 9th of June, but had my jab brought forward by several weeks, due to the changing circumstances. According to today's news, this new Indian variant has now become the dominant mutation in the UK, with the number of new cases doubling over the last few days alone. Of course, it remains unclear just what will happen over the next few months, but like everyone else, I just hope and pray the vaccines work, and we ride out the coming third wave relatively unscathed. I am as protected as I can be now, the rest is up to luck, good fortune and a positive gene pool!

The injection was once again painless, I didn't even know I had been given it. There was a longer screening process at St James' Hospital, in contrast to my first jab, just to make sure I hadn't had any adverse symptoms the first time round. I was presented with the usual literature explaining side effects and this time, also a leaflet on blood clots, just in case I was to be unlucky enough to experience them. I was in and out of the centre within twenty minutes and was grateful it was all over and I can hopefully get back to a relatively normal life. COVID will be around for a long time that's for sure, but all of us can at least play our part, get the jab when called and safeguard those around us; it's the decent thing to do!

With the new Johnson and Johnson vaccine approved in the UK on Friday, offering single dose protection against COVID, it looks more and more likely the UK will beat this virus in the future. The news remains full of doom and gloom, but I am hopeful the end is in sight. The biggest problem, in my view, is opening up the country too soon creating a train of transmission that could end in disaster. It is important that we all learn to live with Coronavirus, but it is also necessary we continue to maintain the measures in place, designed to keep us safe.

I have noticed people beginning to let their guard down, remove their masks and ignore the social distancing measures. As you walk around the high street, you notice the near normal way people are conducting their business; this is frightening, especially when we are so close to winning, and I am mindful of the mistakes we made in the past as a nation. I will be practising social distancing and mask wearing for a long time yet, I am just not ready to believe we have won this war. Yes we are nearly there, but stupid behaviour could push us over a precipice once again, if we disregard the warning signs. These are probably the most dangerous days of the pandemic, we need to remain vigilant, protect ourselves and our families  and continue looking after the vulnerable, then ever so slowly, we will emerge to fight another day!

My little cousin and Godson Eli celebrated his second Birthday on Friday also and despite feeling a little groggy after my vaccine, I managed to pop along with my Aunt and Cousin to give him a Birthday present. It was yet another sign that things are gradually returning to normal. A small Birthday party with close family, provided the perfect opportunity to relax and actually have a couple of drinks, rare for me. To be honest the beer went straight to my head, probably because of the way I was feeling, but time out was just what the Doctor ordered, before a very long week ahead.

The importance of family has shone through during this pandemic, I don't think I would have got through the dark days without them. Being away from Darrell has been hard of course, but having the support of loved ones has been important. A simple Birthday party is a reminder of the circle of life, that will continue long after I have gone. As Eli grows, he will undoubtedly forget the pandemic years, for me, they will remain a part of who I am. Times that changed me as a person, have helped me forge a new path, separated from my husband. When the sun finally shines brightly once again, I will be grateful I've had time with people I love, creating new and enduring bonds, living each day with a family who care!

It's been eight days since I put pen to paper, or rather fingers to keys, and I've had the busiest time; I just don't seem to get a moment's peace lately. I've never been a person to genuinely unwind or chill and on occasion I really notice that fact; the resulting stress can be too much, causing all sorts of problems for my wellbeing. IBS is just one of the issues I have to work around, because I have never learnt to deal with the stress of life. Writing is the only mechanism I have to relax; it helps me process everything that is going on in my life and deal with circumstances I would otherwise ignore. This week I could have done with a few hours blogging, quietly in my bedroom, instead, I am having to write this entry, after a long nine-hour shift. Writing under such constraints can affect my writing, and it shows through the words I use. All of us need to make time for the things we enjoy, in order to create a more congenial environment in which to thrive.

I did manage to speak with Darrell briefly over the last week, however, as we begin the process of organising his return to the UK. This is no easy task in the current climate; no longer can you jump on a plane and fly to the other side of the World. A suitable care package will have to be arranged for Mum, in case Darrell is unable to return and her health deteriorates. He will have to apply for an exemption to travel, three months before he intends to fly and of course, both of us will have to monitor COVID restrictions carefully, in case things make a turn for the worst. Nothing is easy anymore, we are back where we were in 1998, and it's going to get harder.

Suddenly things have got hectic again, after nearly six months of lockdown. I have gone from working as little as possible and getting paid furlough from the pub where I work, to grafting 24/7. Don't get me wrong, I am fine with work and enjoy working hard, but in my 50th year, I should be taking it a little easier, not working every hour that God sends. The reality is, I need to make more time to do the things I love and take a step back when I am able, instead of agreeing to do everything for other people, getting very little in return.

My IBS has been chronic lately, I have had symptoms every single day, and they are getting worse. I am doing everything I can to try and control the symptoms, but my life has just become so damn stressful; the anxiety I feel is overtaking my life, consequently exacerbating my IBS symptoms. Trying to get Darrell back home for November has become my overriding priority and the steps we are having to take, is bringing back memories of our struggle to stay together in the late 1990s. If I am truthful, I am probably suffering with some form of depression and need something to help - therapy, medication or a friendly shoulder to cry on. I am finding this period difficult to manage, especially with my growing workload and need to rethink my current Situation.

Being back at Cancer Research has brought me close to the people I care about once again, laughing, joking and talking about everyday mundane stuff, that I haven't been able to do for so long. This is the outlet that I need each week, to get me through, but it is also a time when I should be taking it easy; integrating it into my schedule can be hard. I am going to have to make some adjustments in order to continue doing what I love most. This week will be a time to rework my life in order to continue moving in the direction I want.

After speaking with my Doctor this week, I am taking back control of my destiny. I have suffered with various aches and pains for too long now and have started demanding answers. Under GP supervision, I have cut back the statins I take for high cholesterol by half; after reading about the side effects, that could be responsible for the way I am feeling, I think I may have stumbled across some much-needed answers. It has been a week since I changed my medication and surprisingly, I am starting to feel a lot better. Maybe these little pills were causing me problems, maybe it's just psychosomatic or maybe, just maybe, I need to start doing things on my terms.

I have contacted Queen Alexandra Hospital, to try and push my gallstone operation forward and am also trying to discover when I have been scheduled to undergo colon and endoscopies. These are all part of the crucial investigations into the nature of the pain I am experiencing. My GP, is also writing to them to plead my case, for urgent examinations to begin as soon as possible, since my symptoms are getting worse. There are no guarantees of course, but I hope the more I harass and cajole, the more responsive they will be. I haven't felt good for a long-time now and just want to feel normal again. My Doctor seems to think, that when Darrell returns from Australia, all my problems will just disappear. I personally have my doubts; there is more to this than a simple return to normality; only time will tell.

On a positive note, with lockdown finally over on 17th May, I was back working behind the bar at the Newcome Arms. After seeing familiar faces once again, as cliché as it sounds, it really did feel like I had never been away. Colleagues and customers have always played an important role in my life in Portsmouth, and it was difficult being apart during the height of the pandemic. Returning to this backstreet pub was a sure sign normality was returning once again, at least in the short term. This was the first job I had in Portsmouth, after my return from Spain, and it is probably the most important for that reason. The people who frequent The Newcome are family friends first and foremost, my boss is a good and trusted friend and I feel comfortable in the company of colleagues, I have known for a long time now. These first small steps back to the way things were, will be difficult, but the little public house on the corner of Newcome Road, is a step back in time to the future all of us crave.

When I look at the state of the World today, I am lucky to be working at all. It was fortunate I returned home when I did in 2018, had I  still been in Spain when the pandemic hit, my life could have been very different. This week has offered a rare insight into life after COVID-19, and it's pretty much the same as it was before the virus. As long as we all remain vigilant and the Indian variant doesn't take hold in every corner of the country, all of us should be able to breathe a 'half sigh' of relief, looking forward to a life that was put on hold, eighteen months ago!

Yesterday I made my first visit to The Newcome in six months; Finally, after such a long absence, we will be allowed to open on Monday. This will be the first time pubs will be able to serve alcohol indoors since December, when our third lockdown came into effect. Like most of us, I am looking forward to a semblance of normality, nevertheless, it is likely to cause anxiety for all of us, as the doors once again open to the public.

The pub is looking good, redecorated and given a fresh lick of paint for the reopening. Personally I am relishing getting back behind the bar and seeing old customers and friends. Part of the reason for working in a pub in the first place was for the social interaction, which I have missed a lot over the  'Pandemic months.' It remains to be seen, how many old faces will return under the circumstances. I remain a little reticent about working in such an environment, in the absence of receiving my second jab, but as long as we stick to the rules, I am hopeful everything will work out just fine!

Next week will be the beginning of yet another new chapter and boy, we've had a few of those in recent times. Making a conscious decision to change my outlook after this third lockdown, I will not be working the extreme hours I was before, which depleted me of energy and made me feel tired most of the time. I want to continue working at a pace that suits my age, rather than what others expect of me. It is important I think about myself, especially with all my ailments and do only as much, as my body allows.

The days of running from one job to the next are long gone, my body can't handle that any more. The Pandemic has taught me much about looking after myself and ensuring my needs come first. Slowing down is natural as we age; going too far, too fast is one sure fire way to burn out quickly. My possible COVID diagnosis, one year and two months ago and resulting ongoing symptoms, has made me reassess the way I organise my life. Today I will only do as much as I physically can and no more. We've only got one life in this World, so it's important we take care of ourselves, more now than ever. This pandemic isn't going away anytime soon; as I wait for procedures and appointments, delayed because of COVID, it's important I begin to take a step back, at least in the short term. The Newcome will test my abilities once again, I can only hope I step up to the task.

On Sunday I celebrated my half century; I am now officially old, having reached the big 50. This was not a milestone, I was looking forward to celebrating with undiluted happiness and if I could have opted out, I would have done. However, My Aunt had arranged a surprise party, and I was quite emotional when I saw the decorations in the morning. My Aunt had done something no one else has ever done before, and I was determined to enjoy the day.

Of course, COVID-19 restrictions are still in place until 17th May, so my Birthday was a rather scaled down affair, with only close family and friends invited. The regulations allowed for an outdoor gathering of no more than half a dozen, and we kept very much to those rules. My Birthday this year was a pyjama party, which made for a far more relaxing day. The kids played in the garden, I had a few beers myself and my cousins prepared a buffet, to be eaten throughout the day.

After a cooked breakfast and Bucks Fizz, I opened presents and cards that had been displayed on the kitchen table. An eclectic selection of gifts with deeply personal meaning - a silver necklace, engraved with a photograph of my long since departed cats, Lily and Precious, ornaments, pictures, jewellery and even a canvas sent by Darrell, currently in Australia. A dream catcher, UV sanitiser (Sign of the times) for my mobile phone and keys etc and a Tibetan Singing Bowl, along with Marmite and Mollie Sugden memorabilia, wine and chocolates concluded the present list. With everything reminding me of better times, my spirits were lifted, even in the face of old age.

My Aunt had also arranged a surprise visit from my oldest friend Ramona, who arrived in the late morning. It was amazing to see her, especially given the circumstances. Ramona and I have known each other for thirty years, after attending University together in Southampton, and we always have lots to talk about. She has been a particularly calming influence on me over the years and I cherish the memories I have in her company, making her appearance especially poignant.

The day would have been perfect had Darrell been with me, but circumstances are still conspiring to keep us apart. Speaking on a phone or receiving a card and gift through the post, just isn't the same, no matter how grateful I am. We have lost so much of our life together over the course of this pandemic, that I hope the ongoing damage it has caused isn't long-lasting. Both of us have had to make separate lives, far away from one another, and it is difficult to know when or if that will change. Celebrating another lockdown Birthday is yet another reminder of the terrible times we are living through, months that have left an indelible mark on all of us!

Yesterday a friend and colleague Jules invited me to his house for yet another celebration. A fellow colleague, Angela, also has their Birthday on the same day, so Jules had arranged an impromptu COVID friendly party for us both.

Currently, six people are allowed to meet outside, so six of us spent the afternoon together, drinking a bottle or two of wine and eating some nibbles, Jules had prepared.

As you would expect, conversation mainly centred around longevity and growing older, which most of us there have experience of, in spades. Reaching a milestone age, can be particularly difficult, so the day after my Birthday, was the perfect opportunity to spend time with workmates. These are the people I spend most of my time with after all, working alongside every day. Relaxing in the company of like-minded individuals is a great way to shake oneself back into reality and try to put age into some sort of perspective. No, it isn't fun getting older, but it is something all of us will experience and as long as we remain content and focused, we should manage quite well.

I have felt especially spoilt over the last few days; from seeing hardly no one at all, over the last fifteen months, to having what seemed like a constant flow of friends and family back in my life. These are people I haven't seen in a social setting for such a long time. My Aunts arranged Birthday surprise, is the first family occasion I have been a part of since the start of the pandemic, nearly a year and a half ago. Likewise, visiting my Father was another first. I haven't seen him in over six months. Then yesterday, sat in the garden with friends, an event that would have seemed impossible, just a few short weeks ago.  All of these simple pleasures, taken for granted before 2020, now circumstances to savour, hold close and relish in the new world order, we are all living through today.

I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel as we gently ease out of restrictions, next year the pandemic should be a distant memory, as I celebrate my 51st. I will nevertheless remember these last few days with fondness, as the beginning of the end of the pandemic and a return to the freedoms we once enjoyed. My 50th this year is a milestone like no other and one I will never experience again!

My colleagues at Cancer Research have already presented me a lovely card signed by all the staff, and I've been given my orders to go in on Monday, to collect a gift. These are a special group of people, who mean the World to me, making their good wishes all the more special.

My Cousin Emmy has also given me an early Dolly Parton apron, Birthday present, which really put a smile on my face. To be honest it probably just shows my age, when my biggest musical hero is Dolly, but that is just a measure of who I am. As one of my friends recently put it, 'you are an individual in every way, it's why we love you.' Such a lovely thing to say, but reading between the words, I have always been unique, at least to those who know me best. Being atypical isn't necessarily a good thing and my difference can often get me into trouble!

Yesterday, along with my Aunt, I went to see my Father, after being separated for the last six months. Still unable to hug or touch, we were at least happy to be in each other's company after so long. Dad does look a little frailer than he was, but having lived under lockdown restrictions for such a long time, it really isn't a surprise. We had initially arranged to meet today, but with the weather a cause for concern, we decided to go a day early instead. The sun was out, and it was the perfect day, to meet outside, in line with the current Pandemic restrictions.

On arrival, we went to lay flowers at my Nan and Grandads grave. I haven't been there for about five years, so it was important to visit just before my 50th Birthday. The headstone looked well looked after and cared for and after placing the bouquet on their resting place, we spent a few moments alone with our thoughts. I do find it strange, standing by a graveside, knowing that my family are buried below, but this is how Nan and Grandad wanted to be remembered; it was important to them.

We drove to a nearby garden centre, where we walked around, chatting and talking. Dad seemed genuinely content to see us, after such a long time in isolation. I do of course phone my Father each week, but conversing on a telephone isn't the same as speaking in person. Next time we see one another, we should be able to hug, as a Father and son should. These are early days yet, but thankfully Dad has had his two vaccines, so is now as protected as he can be. With my second jab due in a few weeks, it should make it even easier to be in his company.

We sat in the makeshift restaurant outside, thankfully undercover, and also had a spot of lunch. It felt rather comical, wrapped up in a cardigan and a jacket, eating a meal, with the wind blowing ever colder outside, but these are extraordinary days we are living through and have to do what is necessary. The meal was as lovely as it always is, and we left, travelling the short distance to Dads house, where he gave me a card.

We spent another hour or so talking about family matters, sitting in Dads beautiful garden. The sun was still shining, and I felt relaxed and philosophical about my half a century milestone. It isn't a Birthday I have been looking forward to with undiluted pleasure, but it has given me the time to think about my life, past and present and the direction it may take in the future. As I get older, I do understand the importance of family more and more; this Birthday will underline their significance in my life at such a difficult juncture. Tomorrow will be about spending quality time with my Aunt, Cousins and the kids and firmly laying to rest the most difficult decade of my life!

It felt amazing to be back at Cancer Research this Monday, the first time, since the third lockdown ended. I have missed working with these people, their dedication and commitment to raising funds is a wonderful thing to see. Thankfully everyone seems to have survived the third most deadly wave of COVID-19, and it was good to see familiar faces, friends and colleagues, once again.

My Monday mornings at the shop in Commercial Road, Portsmouth, are always fun filled - dressing up, joking and laughing, is all part of the course when you volunteer for a charity. People like me, who give up their spare time, free and gratis are always happy to be there, for that reason, it makes for a more contented atmosphere. Cancer Research is part of my 'downtime,' consequently my few hours a week here, helps me unwind and relax, not something I have done for a long time.

I've got my fingers crossed, that the nation won't be heading into a fourth lockdown anytime soon, and I will be able to continue volunteering, at least throughout the summer months. After all, in the Autumn, depending on the course of the virus, we may well be locked down once again. For now, I will make the most of my time and enjoy what I like doing best, working for a charity I love. In the company of others who I adore, I will be smiling once again, in a way I haven't throughout this pandemic, what more can I ask for; let life begin again!

It has been three years since I lived in Gran Alacant, but I always keep in touch with the wonderful community on the Costa Blanca when I can. Gran Alacant was full of wonderful characters, many of whom remain friends today. One such person is June Menditta, who I have written about before. This is a lady who helped Darrell and I tremendously when we first moved to Spain in January 2016. June often posts photographs and memories from my time in GA, and I am always interested to see how she is getting on.

As a pivotal part of the Expat community, June is a big personality and has always done what she can, to help charities that she holds dear. She was always the centre of information and a 'go to' place when needing advice. She is someone I hold in the highest regard and miss terribly. June will be one of the first people I visit when I return to Gran Alacant and is a person I am glad to call a friend.

June sent me a message the other day detailing her charitable efforts, raising money for Cancer Research, a charity I have taken to my heart back home in Britain. Her 10,000 steps a day challenge has raised 750€ for important research, with June completing a final step count of 376,824, which is a staggering 147 miles. This is an amazing achievement for June and certainly tugged at my heart strings, as I read about her endeavours.

My memories of Spain are wide and varied, but the people who live and work in Gran Alacant are always on my mind. Throughout this pandemic, I have often thought about them and the lives they have forged in Europe. The contribution Expats make to local life, wherever they are based, is often overlooked by the vast majority of the British public; most have no concept about living abroad. However, throughout Spain and beyond, there are small enclaves of British Ex patriots doing their bit to raise money for good causes, even if life is a struggle for them. The mark of true altruism, is selflessly helping those in greatest need, despite our own obligations and demanding lifestyles. The people of Gran Alacant always go that extra mile, to give back, even in an unforgiving World.

Yesterday I went to visit my friend Mr F as promised. She has left the Hospital and was at home, feeling philosophical about her diagnosis. We have been friends for a little over a year now, and I have got to know her quite well. She always has a smile on her face and is full of positivity, despite the challenges she faces on a daily basis. Her Cancer diagnosis has undoubtably changed her outlook on life, but it has also given her an opportunity to talk to people in a way she hasn't before.

Mrs F has asked me to help her over the next few months; she wants to write letters to family and friends, expressing how she feels about them and the role they have played in her life. She has spoken extensively about the people she holds dear, but is finding it difficult to express herself in words. Mrs F is beginning a process most of us will have to embrace at some point in our lives. She is putting her life in order and saying her last goodbyes, in the best way she can.

I spent an hour listening to this dear lady talk about her life, the trials and tribulations she endured, her hopes and fears for the future, her recollections of happier times and her regrets, disappointments and anguish. There were some tears of course, but mainly this was an opportunity for Mrs F to tell her story and have someone listen to her words.

I took notes and have started to write the letters on her behalf. To many, composing farewell messages for someone else, may seem a bit strange, but this is the way she wants to say farewell and most importantly, it gives her the chance to talk about her life, to someone who doesn't really know the details. I am able to listen, understand and not judge, equally I can be a sounding board and a friend; this is particularly fundamental for Mrs F at this time.

I have the feeling she feels comfortable with this process in my company, and I'm not so sure whether she would find it as easier around people who are close. Sometimes the person looking in, can be a catalyst for recalling events, that others might dismiss as irrelevant or unimportant. I understand what is crucial for Mrs F now - the support of friends on her final journey and  I will do what I can as an outsider, to be there to listen and help at this difficult time. I hope her final months will be congenial, as she thinks about events and circumstances that have contributed to the life she has led, leaving an indelible impression on all those who know her!