Wow, what an expensive week it has been. After years of spending very little, I have spent more money in the last seven days, than I usually would in six months. It makes me nervous when I shell out so much cash, especially when travelling, but I am well aware that this is an important journey for Darrell and I and today, at 51 years old, I need to start living life again. If the pandemic has taught me anything, it's just how short life really is.

The first leg of our trip has finally been booked; We will be staying with family in Croatia, along the Dalmatian Coast, three hotels in Thailand and an apartment in Australia. I am looking forward to seeing our Croatian Cousins more than I can say, and it was always important that we spent time with them, before flying off to Australia to see Mum. Marin and Vlatka have always been welcoming, inviting us into their home, and we have made some wonderful memories over the years. It will be a fantastic place for me to begin my lifestyle break, in the company of family, surrounded by people we both love at a very auspicious time.

From Croatia, after a few days in London, we will fly directly to Bangkok, staying at the Siam Heritage Hotel, in the centre of the city, next we will move Closer to Chao Phraya River and the older part of the city, where we will stay at the Nouvo City Hotel, which according to 'Trust Piolet' and 'Trip Advisor,' is rated excellent. The days of me backpacking around the World are well and truly over, today I want a little more luxury; playing slightly more for a four-star hotel will be worth it in the end, especially when one considers the long flight to Australia when we leave Thailand. It is also important for us to stay in an LGBTQI+ friendly hotel, which the Nouvo Hotel has an amazing reputation for.

Situated in the historic quarter of the city, both of us want to explore the monuments, temples and buildings that make up the fabric of the city. Because both of us have travelled so much in our life, we have very little baggage, nothing of any real significance to take with us on our journeys. What we do have is photographs, hundreds and hundreds of photographs, luckily today in digital format, that document our travels around the World. These are the only things we really value; well, that and a few memories of our cats. Recording the sites and sounds we experience in Thailand, will be another reminder of this once in a lifetime vacation. Pictures are a reminder of the good things in our life; tangible objects only create clutter and confusion; photographs are markers to memories otherwise forgotten.

On our arrival in Australia, I have booked an Airbnb apartment near Victoria Park. Initially we were going to stay with Darrell's Mother at her home in Midvale, but due to the extensive nature of our travels, both of us thought it was best to quarantine ourselves for a while. Darrell's Mother has cancer, and it is important to keep her out of harms way. This was the most difficult place to find appropriate accommodation. Not only is it expensive, but there is also a serious lack of quality hotels and flats on our budget.

After looking extensively on Expedia, where I booked the rest of our holiday, I decided to turn to Airbnb. This wasn't something I wanted to do initially, because I have heard bad things about using this site, but I was running out of options, so had a look. I found a lovely little unit, with stunning views of the city, which would be perfect for the two of us. The set-up process on Airbnb was a bit laborious if I am honest, but once through the red tape it was a joy to navigate. Communication between us and our host Stacey was superb, and I was suitably impressed with the service offered. The flat is a little basic, but for a brief period of self-isolation it should be perfect; it looks like a great place to start our Australian adventure.

We plan to spend several months in Australia and hope to travel from one side to the other, experiencing the best the country has to offer. We will of course make more definite plans when we are there, but it will involve spending quality time with Mum and the rest of Darrell's family. There is so much of Western Australia I want to see, that I haven't already; I haven't been there for many years, so making time to navigate this vast state will be both our priorities for the first few weeks.

Despite not having made any firm arrangements for our time down under, I have organised my flight out of the country in November, just after Darrell's Birthday. I have booked a flight with Jetstar Airways to fly to Bali in Indonesia, a place I have visited briefly before, twenty-four years ago. This may be a part of the journey I do on my own, while Darrell stays with Mum. Beginning in Bali, I want to explore more of Asia, especially places off the beaten track, and hope to go to Laos and explore more of Vietnam and Cambodia. Darrell will fly out a little later and meet me, so we can continue our journey together.

Whatever happens during this break, we hope to visit many countries on our bucket list. Of course, COVID will always be in the back of our minds, but now feels right to start flying around the globe once more. There is so much I want to do before I am too old, and time waits for no man. Feeling hopeful, COVID will not interfere with our plans, we just want to get back to doing what we do best in this post COVID era. A year does seem a long time to be travelling, but we have saved hard for this, and I am used to living out of a suitcase. This is yet another new chapter in our life together, as new horizons direct our way, to a year vastly different from any we have seen before!

Darrell and I are both seasoned travellers, but this will be the longest trip we have ever taken together. As we have done, so many times before, we are spending valuable time with friends and colleagues before we go.  It is important to say goodbye to those closest, since a year is a long time and a lot can happen. I have some fantastic friends here on the south coast of England, and catching up will allow me to take some wonderful memories with me on my travels.

On Saturday night, we went for dinner at the Siam Square Restaurant in Southsea. The food was simply delicious, and I think all of us were suitably impressed. Of course, I picked Thai food, since Thailand will be our first port of call in Asia, and I wasn't disappointed.

I chose the Lamb Shank Curry, which was cooked to perfection; I couldn't fault the food or service at all. This place had come highly recommended and when I return, I will make a point of returning to this rather understated establishment.

Nathan visited Darrell and me in Spain five years ago and has always been a close friend. Our friendship has had its ups and downs over the years, but we have weathered many storms, some bigger than others, and come out the other side smiling. Nathan is just like a little son to me, and I will always look out for him, even if I am travelling across the World. I will miss his cheery face, but at least we have the internet and modern technology to stay in contact.

Nathan is the first of many catchups over the next month, each one as important as the last. Friends are the glue that holds Darrell and me together, and they are the people who continue to support our relationship, even in the most challenging circumstances. We will catch up again when we are home, until then, it was fantastic to see you, happy, content and building a future... Much love!

In all but name, my lifestyle break has started. Officially, I leave on 3rd September for my year away, but unofficially, I will also be visiting different parts of the UK before I go. This week, Darrell and I spent three days in London, touring the capital and enjoying a thoroughly relaxing time. As is usual with me these days, I tried to spend as little money as possible, choosing a hotel outside the capital, near Hangar Lane on the North Circular. This probably wasn't the wisest choice if I am honest, but with me keeping all my cash for an adventure filled twelve months, I wanted to keep this planned trip as cheap possible.

We stayed at The Travelodge in Wembley, not a place I have stayed in before and probably somewhere I would never stay in again. The room was basic, and due to its position, overlooking the busy North Circular, it was noisy; having to keep the window shut, during a heat wave, in a room without air conditioning, also had its own problems. It was difficult sleeping at night because of the heat, and I was just thankful to leave each day.

After a hearty cooked breakfast, which was actually the best part of the stay, giving us unlimited use of the buffet each morning, we took the twenty-minute underground ride into  central London from Hangar Lane tube station, a fifteen-minute walk away. This isn't a part of London I know well, and it isn't a place I have stayed near in the past, but it is still cheap and central enough, to explore the capital with relative ease, without spending an absolute fortune. I certainly can't complain at paying £144.00 for a two night stay, with unlimited breakfast; I just won't be as frugal in the future, cost isn't everything!

We left the hotel just before rush hour, alighting the tube at Marble Arch. Taking a rather leisurely walk along Park Lane, we made our way towards Buckingham Palace. The weather was cool and there was very little traffic or people about. For once, it was a pleasurable experience, walking around London's streets, unlike the chaos in the past.

There were very few tourists around the Palace when we got there, so there was no fighting to get the best view. I am always amazed by just how small Buckingham Palace is in reality. With the area immediately in front of the gates more or less pedestrianised, it did allow us a bit of time to sit, chill and take in our surroundings. Compared to just a few years ago, there is less traffic on the roads, and that can only be a good thing; even the air smells cleaner and that is saying something.

From the Palace we made our way to St Paul's, where was spent an hour admiring the stunning architecture and enormous dome on top of the great building, second only in size to the Vatican. I have never seen the cathedral up close before, so for me this was a real treat, a memory I will take with me on my travels around the World.

After St Paul's, Darrell and I made our way down Fleet Street and The Strand, passing the Royal Courts of Justice and Australia House. The last time I visited Australia House was in 1997 when I got my Holiday Work Visa, spending several months down under in Perth. This is a place that has many memories for me and of course Darrell. I have no doubt it will be a building we visit in the future equally, being a part of London we both know very well.

London wouldn't be London if we didn't spend some time in our favourite part of the Capital, Covent Garden. We spent a short while walking around the market, where we bought some hats, an essential for any visit to Australia. By now my feet were starting to ache, so we made a pit stop at the Punch and Judy Public House and had a couple of beers, sitting quietly listening to an opera singer at the back of the arches. Covent Garden is always a joy and never fails to impress. I could spend all day there, sitting, people watching and just enjoying the sights and sounds of this vibrant, cosmopolitan area.

Suitably refreshed, we continued to the Urban Meadow Café in Hyde Park, for afternoon tea and a bottle of Prosecco. My Aunt had bought me the experience for my Birthday this year, and I was looking forward to just sitting and taking some time out. This was a beautiful establishment with wonderfully attentive staff, who went out of their way to make us feel welcome. We spent a thoroughly enjoyable few hours talking, chatting, and discussing plans for our Lifestyle break. This was just what we both needed, having been unable to spend quality time with one another for many months; it is a day I will always remember, and I will certainly be back to visit the café again.

It was an afternoon of nostalgia, as Darrell and I made our way around Camden and Soho. Lunch was at my favourite restaurant, Pizza Express, which makes the best pizzas outside of Italy. Disappointingly, it was a rather rushed affair at this busy Soho establishment. The staff were not as friendly as they are in other places, and I would never choose to eat there again. However, we went for a wonder into the heart of Soho and had a welcome pint or two in the Admiral Duncan, away from the crowded pizzeria. This is an area I haven't explored often enough, preferring to visit London's more historic sights. Luckily, with more time on our hands, we were able to stay for a while, spending longer than we would have otherwise done. Sitting out, looking across Piccadilly Circus, I was struck by the surrounding energy. This colourful part of the capital is a truly awe-inspiring place, an area that makes one feel glad to be alive.

...and finally to end the day - we walked to Westminster in the heart of the city. This is one of my favourite parts of London, especially because of my love of politics. It is great to see the Elizabeth Tower looking splendid after its renovation, and you just can't help but fall in love with this truly Victorian part of London. Always a 'go to' destination, I am just happy to dip in and out when I can, soaking up the atmosphere and doing what tourists do, take lots of photos and make even more memories.

After a good night's sleep, for me at least, Darrell and I took a river cruise from The London Eye to Greenwich, stopping along the way at the Tower of London, Tower Bridge and the City of London. The cruise itself was a genuinely eye-opening experience. The commentary from those on board was honest, truthful and not from any official guide book. I was struck by the passion shown when explaining how London was no longer a place for true Londoners, having been driven out by the high cost of property in the capital.

The astronomical sums involved in purchasing even a small flat on The Thames was just bind boggling. I felt like I understood the difficulties experienced by Londoners at the end of the tour, and was really upset at the lack of affordable housing for those who really need it. The gentrification of traditional districts was turning the capital into a social blight, with many homes not even lived in, bought by investors for a quick profit. While homelessness rises and costs spiral out of control, whole neighbourhoods are closed to you and me, futuristic ghost towns, unlived in and uncared for.

City of London

River Cruise to Greenwich

The river cruise took me to areas of London I haven't seen before. Disembarking at The Tower of London, We were both able to see this historic prison up close. Walking around its perimeter was like walking back in time, yet a short distance away is The heart of the City of London itself. Modern glass tower blocks and skyscrapers sit, awkwardly at times, next to historic buildings hundreds of years old. The contrast between the old and new is stark. For a person like me who has a keen interest in architecture, I was thrilled to see the vast array of modern and new construction on display. At times brutal, the many styles and techniques seem to work well in the main, in a city so heavily bombed after World War II. I was amazed and surprised at an area I've never visited before, but glad I had taken the time to explore a side of London, not everyone has time to see, especially those of us born and bred on these islands!

The final leg of our London adventure took us to the 'village' of Greenwich and the Cutty Sark. This isn't a place I've been to before, and although I loved its charming, almost whimsical style, I wouldn't make a point of venturing this far up the river again. There was very little to do here, and it was yet another overpriced part of London I would avoid.

My bank account was certainly lighter after this three day visit to the capital, but it was something I felt I had to do before my year-long trip abroad. Wherever we roam, The United Kingdom will always remain home; with London at its heart, it is a place every Brit should visit. In many ways it felt like I was saying farewell to the city for now, and I am happy to have recalled some fantastic memories from past visits. This vast metropolis has changed much over the years, but it is still the grand old place I first visited in 1982 on a trip to the Natural History Museum at school. It still shares the dreams and aspirations I have, even at 51 years old, as I continue to forge my way through life, surrounded by friends and loved ones, who make up the patchwork of creation, London represents in all its forms. Farewell London, I'll be back, of that you can be sure!

Having made the decision to take a year-long lifestyle break from work, now comes the hard bit. My calendar is full for the next few weeks, as I say farewell to friends and colleagues from Tesco and Cancer Research. Both of us made a conscious choice not to get involved with other people too closely, over the last few years. It was a decision born from experience and a need to save as much money as possible for our journey ahead. We had targets to meet to fund our trip, so we tried to not over spend and only buy essentials. I can probably count on two hands the amount of times I went on a good night out, and as sad as that is, it has given me more options today, as we set our sights on the holiday of a lifetime!

I am trying to spend as much time as possible with my nearest and dearest here in Portsmouth before we leave. After all, this isn't the usual holiday. Cancer Research has played a huge part in my life over the last four years and even though I no longer volunteer regularly, it is always good to catch up with Zerina and the rest of the team. I know Darrell has thoroughly enjoyed his six months there as Deputy Manager. Without this charity shop, my faith in charities and the good work they do, would have never been restored. As readers of Roaming Brit are aware, my blogging career started through adverse times at Oxfam, so anything that helped me overcome my fears was welcome.

Naturally Clayborne the Cancer Research Teddy will be coming with me, as he does on all my trips abroad, highlighting the good things this charity does. Clayborne came with Darrell and me when we last left the UK on our travels to the far east. He will equally be a marker for the sites and sounds we encounter this time. This little bear has travelled further than me over the last few years during the pandemic. He was even part of a repatriation flight to Los Angeles, when COVID was at its height. Cancer Research will leave a long legacy in the name of Clayborne, and he will be a link to this wonderful shop in the heart of Portsmouth for as long as I can travel!

With my Father approaching his 75th Birthday, I am trying to spend as much time with him as possible over the next few weeks. Today I visited him and also my Aunt at home in Fareham. Dad is understandably apprehensive about me taking a 'gap year' at 51 years old, but as I said to him, 'I want to enjoy travelling before I am too old.' Dad isn't someone who has ever been on holiday abroad, so for him, it is a concept he finds difficult to understand. Nevertheless, he has given me his blessing and just wants me to be happy. He understands both Darrell and I are travellers at heart, and although I will miss him terribly, I will see him again in a year!

The Siam Heritage Hotel will be our first port of call in Bangkok, as we spend four days in the heart of this vibrant city. This small boutique, traditional Thai hotel, will give us plenty of time to explore downtown Bangkok, a five-minute walk from Patpong and its extraordinary nightlife. This place suits me down to the ground, as a lover of accepted, time-honoured traditions. Modernity and souless architecture have never really been my thing; I would prefer that my stay in Thailand is more culturally centred, staying in surroundings more in keeping with the country in which I am staying.

This evening we are looking at hotels along the riverside, near to many of the historic monuments, in complete contrast to the fast pace of Patpong. I enjoy seeing the different contrasts of city life and like to experience the diversity that makes up the urban sprawl. I am immediately drawn to Chao Phraya River in the centre of Bangkok, having lived near or close to water most of my life,  and would like to stay in a Hotel overlooking this stunning waterfront. Wherever we stay in Bangkok, we are both looking forward to exploring a new city once again; This is what makes us gel as a couple, creating more memories for years to come.

We have also booked our flights to Croatia, Thailand and Australia and have been looking at flying to Bali and Indonesia after a two-month stay travelling across Australia. I have booked tickets direct with Thai Airways, having flown with them before, when we travelled to Vietnam in 2019. It was probably one of the best long haul flights I have ever been on, and although I am not looking forward to wearing a mask all the way to Perth, Western Australia, I understand the rules and regulations are in place to protect everyone flying with the airline. This will be a holiday like no other for many reasons, but at the tail end of the biggest pandemic in over a hundred years, it is even more poignant for us. Despite my initial fears, this is a journey we both need to take, as we get to know one another again after our two years of forced separation!

The next few weeks before our departure are going to be hectic. Planning a long trip isn't without its pitfalls. Working out an itinerary that works for both of us, especially two people with very different ideas, can be problematic. However, we've done this many times before, and it is the one thing at the moment, that keeps us focused. I am looking forward to leaving Portsmouth behind for an extended period, it is my home, yes, but it is also a place I have grown tired of. Maybe a year away will help me reconnect with this great naval city, returning on very different terms. For now, it will be a fond bon voyage, in future I may fall in love with Pompey once again, who knows... Only time will tell!

Preparing to leave Portsmouth for the adventure of a lifetime is a soul-searching experience. I have been in two minds about this trip, since we decided to go. I am however, aware of the factors at play, in determining the direction of this lifestyle break I have signed up to. Having worked solidly since returning to Portsmouth in 2018, the enduring memory of the last few years, will be serving customers during the height of the COVID pandemic. It was hard, difficult and extremely demanding at times, but like all my colleagues I rose to the challenge and did what I could to 'help feed the nation.' Today I am tired; having been prevented from travelling for so long, it is time for Darrell and I to get back on a plane and fly to faraway places. We are both seasoned travellers and will be getting back to our roots in this post pandemic world.

I have signed all the paperwork for my lifestyle break, which will allow me the luxury of taking a 52-week sabbatical from work, returning to the same job, salary and enhancements that I have now, next year. I will be able to take a twelve-month breather, so Darrell and I can get to know one another again and visit our favourite part of the World, Asia. When you have been separated from your husband for two years, you have a lot of catching up to do. Both of us have done too much working and not giving enough time for each other. It is important to get back to the way things were and find our inner selves.

Of course, many people do not understand why we are just taking off and honestly, I can see why. We are giving up our jobs for a long period of time, leaving our home and jumping ship for a while, but that is really the story of us. This is the sixth time we have done this, trekking to pastures new, and each time we have come back stronger than ever before. Sitting on a plane makes my heart pump harder. Soaking up different cultures, being a part of their lives for a short period and observing the constant changing scenery is what makes me feel whole, fulfilled and in awe of this beautiful planet we live on. I travel because it makes me who I am and enriches my life in a way nothing else can.

Friends views are important, I value their input, and it does on occasion influence the decisions I take. I know I should settle down and do the right thing, get that mortgage and enjoy a rather different kind of life, but unlike those I know, I don't have the commitments they have and most importantly, I have a family to see on the other side of the World. Since the death of my Mother in 2019, I have longed to be a part of my Mother-in-Laws life in Australia, even if it is for brief periods. When you marry a foreign national, it is difficult playing a significant role in both of your respective family's lives. Now my Father is finally enjoying life again, it is time to do what I want and not what others want me to do. I will miss him dearly and as long as I am sure in my own mind he is OK, I will leave the UK on 3 September, a little earlier than planned.

My Father has certainly become more emotional over the years, especially after the death of my Mother and the disconnect throughout the pandemic, but he understands how important it is for Darrell and I to be happy. Both of us have been unhappy for a while now; we have very little contact with other people, because of our experiences with toxic individuals, and we have never really felt a part of a traditional family life, for as long as I can remember. It has always been the two of us against the World, and we are once again following in that tradition. Whether people understand our needs and desires is irrelevant, these are our dreams to follow and our mistakes to makes, if that is what they are.

Work colleagues have been amazing, without exception, supporting me in travelling the World. My Team Leader has been more benevolent than I could have hoped for, and even the store Manager has told me to go off and live my life. I will miss all my friends and colleagues, but there is one I will more than most. Julio and I are like Brothers, he makes me laugh every morning, inspires me to achieve everything I desire and is the one person who has been there, listened to my woes and hugged me when I've needed it. I know I won't be away forever, but there will be a big empty space in my heart where Julio and others were; if I could take everyone with me, I would. Sadly, my life is very different to theirs, and although I relish the normality and stability they enjoy, I could never keep my feet on the ground long enough to do the same.

After moving our flights forward a month, during peak time, I am apprehensive about leaving the UK at all. The airports are still a mess after the pandemic, and I just hope we get away when we planned. With more flights a few days after returning from Croatia, we can't afford for anything to go wrong. My head is still firmly positive, and I am hopeful we will leave when we have to. Until then, I still have much to sort out, making sure we are financially secure for the journey ahead. The next six weeks will be gruelling once again, as Darrell and I finish planning our time away!

It has been a week of making plans and looking towards the future. Feeling, energized, in a positive mindset, it seemed like the right time to discuss our next move. I have lived in Portsmouth for the last four years now and have really enjoyed my time here. My job, family and roots are all entwined in this naval city and I have made some wonderful friends. However, both Darrell and I are travellers at heart and with COVID-19 slowly becoming a distant memory, we have had some exciting decisions to make.

My job has been my life since moving back to the UK and whatever decisions I make, have had to include the independence I made for myself four years ago. My colleagues are indeed my friends, but they are more than that, they have also been a lifeline during the pandemic, whilst my husband languished in Australia, unable to come home. It has been important to factor in my position at the supermarket where I work, when deciding any future objectives. Luckily, I work for an understanding, supportive organisation, who have reached out and offered me the perfect opportunity to do what I do best and start travelling once again.

This week I asked my line manager if I could have a lifestyle break, which she has agreed to in principle. This brief hiatus will give me the opportunity to relax, unwind, broaden my horizons and travel the World. During the pandemic, I saved a substantial amount of money and now want to put it to good use. We have several options on the table and a fifty-two-week break from work will allow both of us to see family across the World, in Croatia, Australia and New Zealand, as well as visiting countries in Asia, that we haven't seen before.

Currently, we are looking to visit family in Croatia in September, spending a few weeks on the beautiful Dalmatian Coast. After returning to the UK briefly, we want to fly to Thailand and spend time in Bangkok, and other parts of this stunning country. Next, we aim to travel to Sydney in Australia and travel across this vast continent, east to west, arriving in Perth, where we will spend time with Darrell's Mother, family and friends. Using Western Australia as a base, we hope to continue our journey, flying to New Zealand and Indonesia, before returning home to the UK and the second half of my lifestyle break.

At fifty-one years of age, I feel fitter now than ever. I have spent nearly a year watching my weight, eating healthy and stopping medication I no longer need. Today I am attending a clinic to have a complete health check up and to be honest, I am feeling wonderful. My state of mind is also in a positive place and I want to channel this upward trend towards pragmatic goals, travelling, seeing the World and crossing countries off my bucket list.

I am lucky to have achieved many of my dreams during my time with Darrell. We have been together for twenty-seven years now, and we have to keep moving forward together in the same way we did in 1995. The last two years have taught me much about the World and just how fragile all our lives are. Life is far too short to sit and procrastinate; we have always taken on a challenge with gusto and all the while I am able to, I want to remain itinerant, roaming from place to place, experiencing different cultures and living a life unconventional in nature but rich in stature. Darrell and I are a couple first and last, we have no children and no ties, we are able to walk this planet in a way others can only dream of and age should be no barrier to happiness. I am happy I can become my namesake again, put 'Roaming Brit' finally, firmly back on the map and

It has been another difficult week, something that seems to be happening more and more recently. However hard my circumstances are at the moment, I do try and take some time out and chill when I can, even if it is only for a few hours. After a shift on Saturday, Darrell and I managed to grab a couple of those important moments and have a meal together, Despite this, I could tell he wasn't it the best frame of mind, after having a particularly hard day at work.

Confrontation isn't an activity I relish, so after a rather terrible meal, it was the last thing I needed. I can handle most arguments by simply walking away, preferring to retreat to safety, but on rare occasions this isn't possible. Having been dragged into conflict, I normally do what I can to defuse situations, but that doesn't always work. On Saturday evening, Darrell and I packed a few things and left Portsmouth, having no intention of returning. I had finally reached the end of my tether and just needed to get away. Some situations feel unsalvable, and it is necessary to just up sticks and go as far away as possible.

Not for the first time, we headed to the train station with a large full case and three packed bags of belongings, essential for proving our partnership. Despite being together for twenty-seven years, we still have to carry a suitcase full of paperwork documenting our years as a couple. This ensures our life is recognised in whichever country we choose to settle in. As we walked along Fratton high street, just as we did over a quarter of a century ago, walking over Westminster bridge in the early hours of Saturday morning, both times dragging a broken case with a dodgy wheel, we made plans for the future. It was time to finally bite the bullet and fly home to Australia, restarting our life once again.

As I approached the ticket machine at the train station, about to buy two tickets to London, Darrell persuaded me to instead head to our old home in Southampton for the night, so we could just get some rest after a terrible evening. Sat waiting for the train, I messaged my work, prepared to hand in my notice there and then. We were leaving for Australia and that was my only priority. Luckily, the duty manager, who was working at the time, advised me to take a week's unpaid leave and think rationally about what I was doing. It is true to say, that minds can become cloudy in the heat of a fight and as we are all too aware, irrational decisions can overtake rational thought. Prepared to leave there and then, I took a step back, briefly, and said I would take time out to decide my next move. That was a wise decision, something I'm glad I agreed to.

We had half an hour to wait for the train, so spent the time messaging friends, who were absolutely amazing. A colleague I am particularly close too, akin to family, like the real brother I have never had, was extremely emotional and empathetic. He gave me a sense of what true friendship was like, even offering us a place to stay. Speaking to him on the phone, both emotional, he made me feel wanted in a way I haven't felt here in the UK, since my return in 2018. Of course, I have close family, but today I do tend to keep friends at a distance, especially after what has happened in the past. To hear such heart-warming words, made me realise I do have a life here and the people I work with mean the World to me.

Both Darrell and I remained quiet, sat on the train, during the forty-minute journey. Surrounded by bags, my life in tow, I just glanced out of the window, remembering the day we left for Australia in 1995 in similar circumstances. Our life has never been conventional in any sense of the word, but like all of you, we just want to settle down and lead our life normally, as we think fit, without other people dictating our every move. Since COVID and the cost of living crisis, our options to move forward have become even more limited than they were before. We have many more difficulties now, trying to achieve our dreams, and it looks likely we will have to spend the next few years building hard for a future that just isn't attainable right now. I dream of freedom every day, yet it's just too far out of reach; always one step forwards, two steps back!

Jury's Inn in Southampton was full of Saturday night revellers, and we were lucky to get a room at all, even at an inflated £206. After initial confusion with our booking, paid through PayPal, which still remains pending in my account, we finally got into our room at 10.30pm. Yet again we made more plans for a new life, just like we have done so many times before; we talked, got angry, cried and generally felt sorry for ourselves, all the while mindful of the challenges we face every day. Falling asleep briefly, we were both wide awake by 6am, when we finally came to some decisions after a few hours kip.

No argument is insurmountable, even ones as bad as the previous night. Both of us have made a life for ourselves in Portsmouth, even if it isn't going to be forever. I would miss my job, family and friends if I had to up sticks and leave, so it was time to bury the hatchet and get back to the way things were.

There has been so much turmoil and upheaval in my world recently that it is important for us both to try and live as peacefully as possible. I don't want drama in my life any more, I am too old and long in the tooth to be dealing with it. If anything, the last few days have shown how much I need Portsmouth in my life right now, especially my work and the friends and colleagues who make mine and Darrell's existence far more bearable. We have naturally discussed plans for a three-month stay in Australia, when the time is right, and hope we can see our Australian family in the not too distant future. For now, I will pick myself up, dust myself down and continue as if nothing has happened, the best way to survive another day!

It has been a busy week for me, and I am feeling particularly tired. I am currently working a lot of hours and rarely have time to myself. Saving for lots of different things, especially during this cost of living crisis, is proving more challenging than I expected, even with me being in an enviable position. Like all of you, I am feeling the pinch, with my living costs going up daily, and there doesn't seem to be any end in sight. I was using my time here in the UK productively, saving hard for the future but at present the targets I set for myself seem to be slipping away, as I try and keep my head above water. This is not a great period to be alive and like everyone, I am fearful for the future. 

Just yesterday I checked the value of my pensions, as I do from time to time, and was shocked at the collapse in  their value. In a little over four months, my main pension has fallen 20% and all the gains made over the last three years have been lost; now that is scary, especially when I want to retire in four years time. I understand pensions and investments do fluctuate, it's just part of the course, but the figures I am seeing just indicate a continual decline, unlike anything I have ever seen before.

Equally, the various share holdings I own have also dramatically declined and fallen even further than my pensions. With most of my cash tied up in a high interest savings account, I am fortunate not to have invested too big a portion of my money into higher risk financial products. However, the state of the World economy is still a worrying concern for my future, and I am keeping a close eye on all my investments. We are being hammered from all sides; higher taxes and bills, as well as rising inflation that is dangerously out of control. 

My current thinking is to continue putting as much money away as I can, especially with such a bleak outlook moving forwards; that isn't really going to change. My desire to buy a property is of course my overriding ambition, but after taking advice, I am aware that this isn't the right time to do so. As the crisis gets worse, it looks likely, that house prices will crash in the very near future and I want to be able to pick up a bargain when the time is right. Whether we buy here or abroad, I just have no idea, but by the time I reach my 55th Birthday I hope to finally have a home of my own. 

It is important for me to have goals, which I work towards daily. It gives me focus at especially difficult times. As a person, I have always been terrible with money, so this is the first time I've actually made a positive impact on my finances. I am mindful, nevertheless, of the challenging months ahead, and I am extremely concerned at the possible implications of a continued collapse in financial markets. This is the time I should be building for the future, instead I am battling to stay afloat. Darrell and I are far luckier than most, not having to pay bills, but we do have a lot of outgoings to contend with, and they are just getting more and more burdensome daily. Like everyone else, though, there is very little I can do about it.

The last four years have had their high and low points; the lack of personal space does take its toll, especially recently. Spending the majority of my time at work or held up in a single room doesn't do wonders for my mental health, but I am aware that the sacrifices I am making now should pay dividends in the future. On the plus side, my financial astuteness has increased beyond measure. I have saved more money than I ever have done in my life, and my current circumstances have allowed me to build the foundations for success in the future.

Both Darrell and I are also fortunate to have chosen our friends, far more wisely, than we have done in the past. We no longer have the hangers on, the people who just take, borrow and never pay back and more importantly, we no longer suffer fools gladly. I have a very small group of close friends and never trust anyone I don't know well enough. Yesterday, I went out with a small group of work colleagues, and we had a fabulous night; a rare occasion when Darrell and I spent time with others outside our family circle.

My finances have always taken a severe battering because of other people, which is why we have to be so careful these days. No longer easily influenced or afraid to say no, I am happy to have decent people back in my life. I was such a bad judge of character in the past, that I could never see the impending disaster waiting in the wings. The more I desired the company of others, the more money I spent, and all I am left with today is a bag full of regret and some pretty terrible memories to boot. These people are firmly in the past, but their destructive influence still lingers. I do suffer with anxiety and from time to time I do become particularly inward, self reflective and depressed; Something I am aware could be rearing its ugly head once again today.

It appears it's time to batten down the hatches, just like we did during the pandemic. Working extra hard is necessary right now, since none of us really knows what will happen next. There has been so much thrown at us in recent times, that we just have to do our best to survive each oncoming storm. I know, after attending Cognitive Behavioural Therapy in the past, that it is important to deal with each event or trigger as it happens, breaking down difficulties into smaller packages. Rather than panicking over the bigger picture, I am accepting the inevitable and dealing with each element separately, which I hope will see me through.

Each of us have a difficult road to tread at the moment, and I am no different to you. All I can do is help others when I can, donate to foodbanks, make sure I listen to friends who need help, give them a shoulder to cry on and a voice of reason. Yes, we are all suffering, but we must remember those who are worse off than us. Reach out, be available and above all keep fighting, even when the battle seems lost!

Portsmouth Pride 2022

On Saturday Darrell and I headed down to Southsea seafront; we had nothing planned, just a long walk, something to eat and a little chill time. After an early lunch at The Jolly Sailor opposite Southsea Common, we enjoyed an impromptu day at the 2022 Portsmouth Pride festival. The common was full of people, of every gender, enjoying the celebrations. The flags were flying in the strong winds that always blow across this open public space, along the sea front. After a brief look around, we headed back into town, expecting a quiet night in front of the TV.

We stopped at a local pub on the way home and chatted over a beer, when we were contacted by an old friend, who had seen our post on facebook, wondering where we were. After a bit of hesitation, we agreed to jump in a taxi and meet SJ at the Lord Palmerston in Southsea. I mean, how could we not; she was a dear, close friend, and we hadn't seen her in seven years.

It was a pleasant surprise to meet up with SJ and Darren, who was with her, after such a long time. It is odd, that after six years apart, you really do pick up where you left off and speaking with her, it felt like it always had. She hasn't changed much and is still exactly the same as she ever was. Catching up with friends is important, especially those who played a big part in my life. SJ was there through some rough times and was also around on our final day in the UK. She has also remained a friend throughout our ongoing adventures in Spain and now in the UK. It was extremely uplifting to see her, especially after the torrid time we have had during the last few years.

The last time I attended Pride celebrations, was in London, in 1996, 26 years ago. To be honest, I have never really been someone to indulge in affirming my sexuality. I am a gay man first and foremost, but it doesn't play a big part in my life. When I was younger I enjoyed celebrating my homosexuality, but as I have grown older I really don't see the need and am very comfortable with who I am. Nevertheless, I had a fantastic day, surrounded by friends, old and new and enjoyed being a part of a celebration, that still remains an integral, cohesive part of the gay community, of which I am a part. Diversity should be celebrated, cherished and respected in all its forms, and Pride teaches us the importance of love, in a World so divided and polarised with hate!

Dinner Date With The Girls

After an amazing day out at the Pride festival and a terrible day at work suffering with a hangover, a pre-arranged dinner with the girls from work, wasn't top of my list of priorities. I was really in need of an early night, after only having two hours the night before. Darrell's lack of alcohol tolerance, had kept him and consequently I awake into the early hours, throwing up every half hour or so. By the time I finally staggered out of bed, greeted by a blocked up sink of sick, I was about ready to drop. Feeling exhausted, I managed a short, but busy shift, before a thankfully calming evening and a carvery with colleagues.

I've had nights out with the crew before and always had a great time. I have never really been fond of Portsmouth as a place to live, but people like these make it far more tolerable. The bog-standard food at Toby Carvery was really secondary to the opportunity to relax, unwind and be in the company of friends. We did what we always do, had a laugh, great conversation and plenty of laughs. As all of us at work approach the busy summer season, it was nice to have a short break before the hard slog starts. It was a perfect end to a fun filled weekend and the beginning of a long few weeks before my holiday in July.  Neither Darrell nor me let our hair down that often, but when we do, it's a reminder that we are still alive and ticking, living our life together surrounded by the people we love…. That is all that matters, that's all we can ask for!