Blog Posts - Roaming Brit

From a new life in spain, to an old life in britain, 'roaming brit' documents uncertain times!

On 31st January 2016, my partner and I left Southampton to start a new life as Expats in Gran Alacant, on the Costa Blanca. This blog will document our journey, as we navigate the Spanish system, travelling a path untried and untested. With Brexit looming, political turmoil in Europe and an unpredictable future, harsh decisions have to be made. Illness, family bonds and a Change of heart all make for challenging times in a life of a 'Roaming Brit!'

The Rec Cafe - Fratton!

19/8/2023

Today I wanted to offer my congratulations to dear friend Wendy Watson and her colleague Tania Shipp, on their new venture - The Rec Café, in Fratton. Having lived and worked in Fratton for four years, I like to keep up with events there, and was delighted to come across an advertisement in The Portsmouth News, announcing the reopening of this café, after its closure in 2021.

Wendy is a fantastic friend with a big personality, and I always enjoyed her company as a patron of The Newcome Arms, when I worked behind the bar. I have many happy memories, of fun times with her and others at this local pub; it was the main stay of the local community, just as The Rec Café takes on a similar important role.

After hearing about Wendy's recent health concerns, I messaged her to give her my love and best wishes, where I also learned of her new endeavours. There comes a point in all our lives, when a change of scene and direction, is just the tonic we need, to move forward positively in life. Wendy and Tania are embarking on a new course, with all the enthusiasm you would expect, and I would like to wish them both well. I will continue to follow The Rec Café with interest and look forward to hearing about their journey together.

Fratton was an important, life affirming time for me; I worked extremely hard during some pretty challenging times. I also learnt much about other people, as well as myself, and grew exponentially as a person. Fratton is a place where you sink or swim and despite being surrounded by some wonderful characters like Wendy, ultimately, it wasn't where I was destined to end up.

I am so grateful for the friends I made while living on the south coast of England and always look forward to hearing from them. Social media has allowed me to remain a part of a community I love with all my heart; one day I look forward to once again walking down those hallowed streets of Fratton, and of course visiting The Rec Café - until then, I can, at least, view from afar.

Good luck Wendy and Tania, you'll smash it!

Health Check!

12/8/2023

This week I had a check-up at my local surgery; this isn't something I often do these days because of the costs involved, but sometimes you have to do what is necessary in order to gain peace of mind. Making an appointment to see a GP here in Perth is actually a joy compared to the UK, but it does also have its downsides.

I remember back in Portsmouth, not that long ago, the difficulties I used to have arranging a consultation with a Doctor, and the mad rush, normally on a Monday morning, to phone my local practice, trying desperately to speak to a practitioner. Of course getting to see a GP was a rare occurrence; after being triaged via a telephone conversation with a receptionist, who generally thought they knew more than a Doctor, you were passed down a very long line of officialdom, and finally, if they thought necessary, an eventual chat with someone on the phone. Generally, the Doctor would phone you back in a few hours and fob you off with more medication, rather than investigating your symptoms properly.

For me, It was a fact of life, sitting on the phone for hours on end, sometimes, in excruciating pain, being told I had indigestion. As an individual, I knew my own body and I understood when something wasn't right. This went on for months, and if I hadn't screamed as loud as I did, I never would have got to the root of the symptoms I was experiencing.

I lost count of the number of times I was called a hypochondriac, not only by professionals, but also my own extended family. They had no idea of the pain I was going through, and should never have judged me in the way they did. In the end, after nearly a year and a half and demanding tests and answers, even during the pandemic, I finally got some answers. I had to have my gall bladder removed, and slowly my life got back to normal; I could live again and was just happy I had persevered, even during the most challenging of times.

Sitting here in Australia, I can see just how much of a mess, the NHS back in the UK is - I watch it on Sky News every day. Things have got progressively worse since I left, and most people wouldn't push as hard as me, to get the treatment they need. I think I heard, yesterday, that there were over seven million people on the waiting list for operations - that figure shocks me to the core and makes me think how lucky I am to be in Australia.

Here things are very different - on Monday morning I phoned my local GP surgery, and was given an extra long face to face consultation that very same day. Of course, there is a difference in Australia - I have to pay! I can see the horror on peoples faces already, just thinking they would have to pay to see a Doctor, and to be honest, I used to be just the same. The appointment cost me $120.00; for that I was given unlimited time with my Doctor, who was able to interact with me on a level, that just doesn't exist in the UK.

For a few months, I have been experiencing weeping sores on my head; several of them underneath moles, that have changed in recent weeks. In Australia, skin cancer is a big deal, and if you notice something untoward going on, especially with moles changing colour, size and consistency, it's time to make an appointment, which I duly did. Having a bald head and venturing out on hot summers days without a hat, as I have in the past, is something I shouldn't have done, and I am fully aware of the consequences now, after my visit to the surgery.

My GP gave me a thorough examination and skin check, explaining the different types of moles, lumps, bumps and cysts on my head. He explained that as far as he could tell, there were no problems, but a reoccurring issue on my face could be a cause for concern going forward. With immediate treatment this could be kept in check without any issues in the short to medium term, but there could come a point where treatments don't work, and the outcome could be more serious.

Now I am fully aware of the consequences of my actions, I know what to do to protect my skin from the ravages of the Australian summer, so should be far more prepared this year. I can't help thinking, however, that my past lifestyle choices may well have been responsible for the issues I have today. I lived in Australia before and Spain, and didn't look after myself as much as I do today. Any future problems could well have started years ago, resurfacing later in life; that is of course the same for every one of us.

All of us should think twice before venturing out in the sun without protection, and it's something I need to take notice of, especially now. On top of my healthy lifestyle, exercising and looking after my metal health, I will now have to factor in the harsh reality of the climate down under. It's almost strange to think how unfit I used to be and just how lucky I am to still be alive, let alone living in Australia, and enjoying a life others can only dream of.

Things are very different in Australia; I'm not in the Doctor's surgery every week as I was in the UK, but I also don't have the health issues I had in Portsmouth. Unlike Britain, my concerns aren't dismissed or brushed aside, they are listened to, by a supportive health system and a network of family who only want to see the best for me. Now I am finally in a good and prosperous place, I want to live a long, fruitful and healthy life; I can do that here. As I continue to build a new life down under, I am happy to pay for things that I wouldn't have paid for back home. Getting the best standard of care comes at a price, but for me, it's a price worth paying and a price all of us will have to pay eventually, no matter where we live in the World.

Saturday Morning - Life down under!

5/8/2023

Bangkok and Chiang Mai 2023

30/7/2023

Well, that's the holiday booked; In a little over a month, Darrell and I will be flying back to Thailand, to explore this fascinating country further. After our first trip there last September, before resettlement in Australia, we have decided to return to what has become our favourite destination in Asia.

After receiving a substantial tax refund, we initially decided to go to Japan, a country that is most certainly on our bucket list. However, with work commitments looming, we are returning to Thailand instead. Japan deserves more time than we can currently spare. There is so much we want to see when we are there, that we have made a choice to go there next year, on the way to the UK to see my Father and friends on a brief visit. This way we can stay longer in a country, we both fell in love with many years ago.

For now, we will be concentrating our efforts on Bangkok and Chiang Mai. Having visited the vibrant city of Bangkok last year, it is safe to say we enjoyed every minute of it, and can't wait to go back. We will be staying in the same hotel in Pranakorn, opposite our favourite restaurant 'SO Samsen,' on Samsen Road. Darrell and I fell in love with this part of Bangkok, especially 'SO Samsen.' The food, ambience, hostess Aom, and her wonderful colleagues, made our first trip an amazing experience; both of us were sorry to leave, and it left us wanting more. This was the last time Darrell and I felt truly relaxed and at home, and I couldn't be happier we are returning so soon after our last visit.

Bangkok is a large, sprawling city and we both look forward to exploring it further. We only saw a fraction of it in 2022, and hope to see much more during our time there this year. Thankfully, I have a little more time to book trips and sightseeing tours before we leave, unlike last year, and the stress we were both under.

I have booked this trip through Expedia, who I have used on many different occasions, and despite a few hiccups along the way, everything is now confirmed, and we are both counting down the days. I think it will do us both good to get away from Australia for a while, especially with the constant cold and wet weather, at the moment. Furthermore, I am desperately in need of some heat and sunshine, as I know Darrell is, and 34 degrees sounds idyllic right now. As I have aged I most certainly feel the cold more than I ever did, and I am just thankful to be in Australia, rather than in the UK, where it is even colder. Thailand's high temperatures and humid weather is absolutely perfect - a climate that suits my constitution and sense of adventure, especially now.

After spending four days in Bangkok, we will be flying to Chiang Mai province in the north of the country. This region is mountainous, famous for its waterfalls, small villages and the city of Chiang Mai itself, which is the second largest in Thailand. The city is rich in culture, religious temples and historic places of interest and is a must-see for a traveller like me. Unlike Bangkok, Chaing Mai retains an almost authentic charm, recognised by 'Trip Advisor' as one of the top 25 destinations in the world, and awarded the appropriate title of 'most creative city' in 2017 my UNESCO.

We have chosen a four/five-star hotel in the old town called The Bodhi Serene. This stunning residence, in Chinese/Thai Lanna style, is situated in the heart of the city, within easy reach of all the major tourist destinations. We both hope to see as much as we can while we are there, as well as taking some much-needed time to relax and unwind after such a busy and eventful year in Australia.

This will be the first break both of us have had in a year and despite only being able to spend a few weeks away, we are just grateful, we are able to. As I look forward to a fantastic holiday in Asia, I am mindful of just how many people are unable to afford one this year. We are both fortunate to be in well paid jobs, in a country that is relatively sheltered from the worst of the cost of living crisis, unlike back home in the UK. Travelling is and will always be our first passion, so when opportunities to see places, others can only dream of arises, we grab them with open arms. It will be good to take to the skies once again and continue on our journey together; I'm not sure if I'll ever completely settle down, wherever I am in the World!

Thoughts for the Weekend!

30/7/2023

Forever Young, Gone Too Soon - Remembering Paul Nightingale!

22/7/2023

The death of someone, young, never fails to shock; this week another old friend passed away and memories from thirty years ago came flooding back. The older I get, the more nostalgic I become, so when someone who used to be close dies, it is important for me to not only celebrate their life, but also all those who have died long before their time.

The early 1990s was a time of exploration and discovery, as I look my first tentative steps into the gay world. As a University student, living in the lively British south coast city of Southampton, I was determined to live my life to the full. Every Friday and Saturday night, I would dress up, get drunk and hit the Magnum Club, in Clovelly Road, the same street that I lived on, in a shared house of like-minded individuals.

The Magnum club (sadly no longer with us) was my first foray into the gay scene and I have such fond, enduring memories of the place. The scene in 1993 was very different to today. In an era of high tempo dance anthems, euphoric house music, recreational drugs, liberation and hard won freedoms, being gay was still very much taboo. Celebrating our sexuality, in a safe and welcoming environment, was absolutely necessary; back then hate, and exclusion, was routine, part of the makeup of society at the time. Friends were our kin folk, in all but name, they were a substitute for our parents, brothers, sisters and Grandparents - rejection from family was commonplace; the bonds we formed then have, in many cases, lasted the test of time.

Paul Nightingale, whose life I remember today, was part of our close circle of friends. We met through hedonistic nights of unmitigated chaos in a club, which represented my sense of purpose - fun and living life to the extreme. Paul was genuine, thoughtful, highly intelligent and extremely loving. He was a scene regular, at the club and the after parties that followed - part of the fabric of a scene that sought to protect its Brethren and nurture in the most difficult of circumstances.

As we partied the nights away on the top floor of The Magnum, friendships inevitably formed. Hugs, community spirit, gay family and a feeling of belonging to something bigger than ourselves, all played a part in the formation of deeply emotional attachments. These affiliations struck a chord with me particularly, growing up at an extremely poignant time of change! Paul was part of a wider group of people who offered unconditional acceptance, as many of us struggled with our sexuality, mental health and relationships. He was also a fellow student and an outrageously charismatic personality, who never failed to entertain. Paul was a gentle soul who just wanted to be part of something better.

When I heard of Paul's passing a little over a week ago, another part of me died inside. He is yet another loss from an unforgettable time, that sowed the seeds for the rest of my life in the UK. He is another old friend from that indelible period, who has died far too soon, and the pain never gets any easier to bear. Deep down, I can't help feeling the self-indulgent excesses of the 1990s, may well have played a part, in the long list of lives lost over the years. Equally, I am fully aware of my own mortality and the transient nature of life itself. Someone once asked me if I had any regrets about growing up gay when I did, and I replied, quite adamantly, 'No!' How could I, I wouldn't have met the wonderful characters I have, nor forged the friendships I continue to build on, day after day, 30 years later. Most importantly, I wouldn't have the memories I made, unfaltering in their significance and auspicious in their nature! People live as they think fit, die when their time is up, and the rest of us are left behind.

It has been many years since I last saw Paul, but that doesn't detract from how I feel about his death. In my eyes, Paul will be forever young - colourful, playful, joyous and special; a boy who I regarded as a friend even when he wasn't there. His presence was a continued link to the past, so fragile today, made even more frangible after each and every passing. His loss is a time to remember what he meant to all those who knew him over the years, and the extinguishing of a light that shone so brightly, even during the darkest of days. Rest in peace, dear Paul, we will never see your like again!

Just a few things to get off my chest this week!

16/7/2023

There are some things that just need to be said. No matter how much I miss The UK at times, I am certainly thankful to be away from the destructive behaviours that cause harm to others. Britain excels at destroying people, and I should know, I've been there myself. Treat people fairly, look out for their well-being and above all, be kind!

From Probationary to Permanent!

9/7/2023

This Sunday, I am finally relaxing after a busy week at work. It feels like I haven't stopped over the past seven days; if I've ever needed a day off, it's now. With the weather still decidedly chilly, I have personally been feeling a little run-down. I always know when I'm over doing it, because a reoccurring infection rears its ugly head on my face; It looks like acne. Whether or not it is I just don't know, but it has flared up once again. I haven't been able to shave and look like a dishevelled tramp - not good for my self-confidence, especially working in the job I do.

Despite a general feeling of tiredness, achy joints and sniffly nose, it has been important for me to carry on as normal. As a 'hardy Brit' I am rarely sick and certainly do not suffer from colds or flu, so I tend to just shrug off my general apathy and get on with it, as most of us born in the UK do. At the moment I have a lot on my plate, whether through work or at home, so having time off is absolutely necessary. I am a person who suffers with stress and anxiety, so detaching myself from real life is something I have to do. Blogging is my outlet of choice and sat here writing today, I am already feeling better and a little less stressed.

This week I have finally reached the end of my probationary period at work and after six months of hard graft, I am a permanent member of staff. My job has become my lifeline to the outside World, rather like Tesco was in Portsmouth. I work with some wonderful characters, and I am relishing the new opportunities ahead. Also, I was delighted to receive a substantial pay rise this week, strengthening the fortunate position I find myself in today. Things were so different a year ago, when I just couldn't see past the turmoil that was overwhelming my life. Today, I have been able to lay to rest the problems that brought us to Australia in the first place, and I can't quite believe just how successful our journey has been.

Finally, the new fence has been erected outside the house, after we shared the cost with the rest of the houses on the strata, and had the old wooden structure removed. Despite the expense, this was something we had to do; the old one was falling down onto a public footpath and major highway. Thankfully, it is taller than the previous boundary, which affords us the privacy we craved. Initially we wanted it even higher, but after being told we would have to put in a planning application, we decided against it. Time really wasn't on our side, we just wanted it done and dusted.

With the end of the tax year on the 30 June, we have to see a tax agent on Monday to sort out our affairs. Both of us are due substantial rebates, and this will allow us to have a holiday in the next few months; something both of us need. We have worked so hard to get where we are today and without blowing my own trumpet we are proud of just what we have achieved, in such a short space of time. It's time for us to look forward to the next chapter of our life together and, hopefully, just a little less stress. At 52, time isn't on my side, but I am determined to make the next ten-years profitable, enjoyable and prosperous, as we reach the later stages of our life down under.

The Big Chill Down Under Continues!

2/7/2023

Ten Months in Australia, Twelve Months of Change!

24/6/2023

It really does feel like I’ve been here years, but in reality, today is my ten-month anniversary living in Australia. When we completed our trip to ASIA, neither Darrell nor I could have envisaged where we would be today; a far cry from our life in the UK. A year ago, living in Portsmouth, we were planning our move to Australia in record time. Both of us, would have preferred more time in Britain before leaving in the most difficult of circumstances, but nothing worked out the way we planned and the turmoil that was plaguing our life, finally forced our hand. At the time I was angry, bitter and totally hurt by what had transpired; today I am thankful to family members who really showed their true colours and ultimately released us from a life that only heald us back. Today we are free and it is all thanks to them.

Our trip to Croatia, to see Darrell's family, was the tonic both of us needed after spending so long surrounded by vitriol, hostility and contempt. Vlatka and Marin, our Croatian Cousins, were welcoming, accepting and full of warmth; we spent a week reconnecting with people who we hadn’t seen for what seemed like a lifetime; rekindling important family bonds was an important part of our journey.

Our time in Dalmatia, offered a breathing space to think about the new life we were embarking upon and the future we planned in Australia, that still seemed uncertain. We were very fortunate to have such valuable time with our Cousins; it was them who put everything into perspective and made us remember there was life after disaffection and happiness after rejection.

After Croatia, we travelled to Thailand, which afforded both Darrell and me, a welcome break, during a period when we needed it most. This was one of the most memorable holidays we have ever been on and offered an opportunity to relax, regroup and rebuild, ahead of a gruelling few months in Australia. Neither of us knew what the future held, so it was important to just savour the moment, forget about what had brought us to the other side of the World and just enjoy Thailand and the wondrous sites that surrounded us in Bangkok. Darrell and I let ourselves go and gradually the bad memories faded; the sites, sounds and vibrant colours of Asia were the distraction, dreams were made of – a precursor to a new life together!

Returning to Australia was a challenge; I had tried to live in Perth twice before, without success, so I was extremely apprehensive about this next big step. Despite my fear for the future, I was aware this was a last chance for both Darrell and me, if this didn’t work, I had no idea what would happen next. Neither of us wanted to return to the UK, so the same determination that allowed me to shed 25 kg a year before, would be the basis for my focus, as I adjusted to living in yet another country, the third in five years.

Australia was the chance to do things right, to make up for all the stupidity and raucous behaviour of the past and create a more prosperous future. There were no guarantees; judging on previous experience there was only a slim chance of success, but with nothing to lose I personally threw my heart and soul into this adventure and did everything I could to stay. Of course at fifty-one years old, under normal circumstances, I really shouldn’t be here. When my application for permanent residency was lodged, I was mindful of just how lucky I was to have the chance to settle down under. Not many people my age are afforded the opportunity to do that. At the back of my mind, after all the paperwork, documentation and legal wrangling, I was still unsure what my fate would be. After all, at my age, any number of issues could stop me from achieving residency; my life now rested with the Australian Government – I wasn’t feeling particularly hopeful.

It took two and a half months to get permanent residency; it would have been shorter, if I hadn’t made mistakes during the application process. Nevertheless, surprisingly, my route to eventual citizenship was secured. After a comprehensive physical exam, no health issues were detected, and my past indiscretions as a teenage boy most certainly weren’t an issue with the Department of Home Affairs. After 28 years together, Darrell and I could finally start living again.

The months since I was grated indefinite leave to remain in Australia have been kind to Darrell and me. I suppose this has been the most productive period of my life. I am Manager of a large retail outlet store, selling Manchester. (the Australian word for bedlinen) I am earning more than double what I did in the UK and with Darrell also on a similar wage, we no longer have the worries we did. We managed to put a large deposit down on a three-bedroom villa, and we are now the proud owners of a lovely new home. Saving money, saving for a pension and thinking about buying another property to rent out is top of my priority list. As I establish myself in Perth, for the first time in my life I have a purpose, a reason to live and a goal to reach. Australia has opened doors that Britain never could, and for that I am truly grateful.

Despite my new zest for life away from the doom and gloom of the UK, there is still a feeling of sadness. I am upset at the way we were treated in Portsmouth before we left, by people we used to love, but most importantly I am grieving the friends and my Father I have left behind. Dad has become very important to me since leaving Britain, he is the only real family I have left, so our weekly chats are important. His encouragement to continue focusing on the future has also been instrumental in us staying in Australia; his support has been a great source of comfort.

Equally, friends have become the linchpin that keeps us grounded in our new life. Letters, messages and phone calls have all been pivotal in the success we now enjoy. Words of love, video calls from the close and a collective network of friends from back home have been a link to people who enrich and continue to enhance our life thousands of miles away. Our future is in Australia, not because we wanted to leave, but because ultimately it was where we are meant to be. Our destiny was always to return to Perth one day, the future is here for the taking, it’s up to us to make it work!