Blog Posts - Roaming Brit

From a new life in spain, to an old life in britain, 'roaming brit' documents uncertain times!

On 31st January 2016, my partner and I left Southampton to start a new life as Expats in Gran Alacant, on the Costa Blanca. This blog will document our journey, as we navigate the Spanish system, travelling a path untried and untested. With Brexit looming, political turmoil in Europe and an unpredictable future, harsh decisions have to be made. Illness, family bonds and a Change of heart all make for challenging times in a life of a 'Roaming Brit!'

Looking Out For Others!

8/3/2020

I was brought up to look out for others and do what I can to help anyone who needs it. I have always done as much as I am able to give other people a sense of self-worth and boost their confidence at times when they are feeling low. First and foremost I am a people person and just want to help if I can. One of the reasons I joined Action For Children as a volunteer in 2010, was to give something back to the community in which I live, by encouraging kids from difficult backgrounds to feel good about themselves and work towards a better future. The role as a Mentor and Advocate was a challenging one, but a position I found rewarding and a benchmark for my future outlook on life.

Living in Portsmouth, I recently bumped into a lady (Mrs F) who needed someone to talk to. Living opposite my Aunts home in Portsmouth, I try to pop in to make sure she is OK when I can. We are all told to keep an eye out for the older generation, especially when they live alone and I do what I can as a friend and neighbour to help lift her spirits. Everyone deserves to be thought of once in a while, brought a bunch of flowers or made to smile when they are feeling down and chatting to this dear soul is a pleasure, something I enjoy, offering contact with community when it can often be difficult to go outside!

Older people feel lonely and invisible, spending much of their time away from society, confined to their home, especially now with Coronavirus on the rise. Today we are told to isolate the old and vulnerable from the ravages of Covid-19, but it shouldn't stop us from visiting them when we can. I enjoy listening to the stories from an age before I was born and I know Mrs F enjoys our chats also. The wise words and wisdom from senior citizens are words we can all learn from and Mrs F has much to offer the rest of us.

All of us should take the time to check on elderly friends and neighbours, a friendly face can often mean the difference between a good and bad day. Everyone deserves to be noticed, respected and afforded the courtesy they would give us, if the shoe was on the other foot. Old people matter, they are a link to the past we can ill afford to lose!

Chaos!

5/3/2020

Is it me, or does the World just seem crazy at the moment. Rain just keeps on coming down here in the UK, as we brace for yet more storms and another deluge, the hot summer of 2018 seems a long way away, and I am looking back to Spain with fondness, more and more every single day. The cold inclement weather is beginning to take its toll on me and my general sense of well-being needs a boost. My mood is low and the aches and pains from arthritis, IBS and Diverticulitis seems to get worse every day. The reality is, I am not enjoying Britain at the moment and am badly in need of a break, which may or may not happen anytime soon!

Of course Coronavirus is at the forefront of every ones mind and people are beginning to panic, not only here in the UK but also elsewhere in the World. In Britain a public information campaign has been launched as the Government tries to get to grips with this virus. Listening to politicians and scientists one could be forgiven for thinking the end of the World is nigh and maybe, just maybe those in charge aren't actually telling us the full truth. It does seem a little absurd that there are only ninety cases of Coronavirus in the UK, yet the measures being put in place would suggest a much larger crisis looming on the horizon. Of course people like you and I are always the last to know what's really going on, and we either believe our Government or we don't. As for me, well I remain nervous and confused about the whole thing, baffled, like all of you.

My biggest fear is the holiday to Asia we have booked in May. I am being told on one hand not to worry about the Coronavirus and continue with my plans, and warned to avoid going altogether by others. All I can do is listen and take on board what other people are saying, but ultimately my travel plans are in the lap of the Gods. As an observer looking in at this ever-changing situation, I am truly amazed by what I am witnessing on the television. Panic buying of hand gel, face masks and absurdly, toilet roll across the World by selfish people who have little or no understanding of the virus and would probably do the same in any situation, that affects their perfect little lives. This is not a time to run around like headless chickens, this is a time to pull together and work with one another for the good of mankind.

Today is my one and only day off a week and I have a lot to do as usual. I have just got off the phone to my travel agent, trying to rearrange flights to no avail. Having cancelled my flight to China and Japan, I have been unable to change the rest of my itinerary; we are still scheduled to fly to Phuket and Hong Kong. It does seem likely that we will continue with our plans, unless the Coronavirus situation changes dramatically between now and then. One would imagine that the disease would have spread widely by our date of departure; in any case the World isn't going to stop flying because of a virus!

On top of all this doom and gloom, yet more trouble, with airline Flybe collapsing this morning. Darrell and I used this carrier for many years, from its base at Southampton Airport. We flew to and from our home in Spain as well as many holiday destinations throughout the World. This is yet another blow brought about by the Coronavirus and is just the beginning of an economic downturn that will see all of us suffer. Only today I checked my pension and shares portfolio, where I discovered twenty percent had been wiped off their value in just a few days. This doesn't bode well for the future and like everyone else, I will have to take this financial hit on the chin.

The World really isn't a nice place at the moment for a variety of reasons and all I want to do is run away and hibernate, or rather self isolate, until this ghastly situation is over. Sadly like us all, I have to get on with life and the old adage, 'What will be, will be' will forever be my mantra, at least for now. There is nothing I can do to alter what is happening. Of course any anxiety and stress does play havoc with my constitution, especially with my IBS, so I have to learn to deal with the ups and downs of life in a more relaxed way. I am sure everything will turn out OK in the end and all of us can once again live a relatively normal life, until then, it's time to batten down the hatches and enjoy the bumpy ride!

A Knife Edge!

1/3/2020

It looks like the Coronavirus (Covid19) is getting worse. This morning when I turned on the television, before work, I listened with interest about the spread of the virus throughout Asia and now Europe. The number of deaths is rising and recorded cases multiplying almost by the hour. It does seem that wherever you travel to, you are now at risk and unless you decided to hibernate for the next few months, you are going to have to put up with the dangers that surround this virus. So far at least, I haven't given the illness a second thought, too busy dealing with my own issues, to be thinking about something that may or may not affect me in the future.

At the moment our jaunt to Asia is still very much alive, if a little dishevelled so to speak; we have had to cancel the first flight on our trip, travelling through China. After contacting Air China, I negotiated a full refund without any argument. The airlines' spokesman was more than happy to help us and told me they would be re-routing flights around infected areas anyway. The other flights we have booked remain untouched, until we have arranged new tickets with a different airline, or cancelled altogether.

Darrell continues to cast doubt on travelling to Japan and Thailand at this time. He remains medium risk for contracting Coronavirus after suffering two lung collapses in the past, one of them on a plane flying to Australia. With his Mother seriously ill, he doesn't necessarily want to put himself and consequently his Mum at risk by touring the worst infected areas on our journey.

Whatever we choose to do, we will have to make that choice in April and book the rest of our trip last minute or arrange a new holiday instead. None of us have enough information to make an informed decision at present and have not been able to cancel the other two flights in our itinerary. My insurance company has delayed taking responsibility for any change until we have exhausted every avenue open to us first. Of course insurance companies are great at offloading their liability in such situations and are less willing to help when it is needed most.

On top of all this stress, Darrell was also informed that his Australian travel agent, who he bought his aeroplane tickets from has gone into administration. They haven't paid for his flights to Singapore and Japan and with protection limited, he has more than likely lost the money he paid. This is just another hurdle to cross, and I am surprisingly taking it all in my stride, which is highly unusual for me.

Only time will tell what happens next and I still remain positive about our vacation for now. I can't change what is happening in the rest of the World, but keeping myself updated on this rapidly changing situation and remaining upbeat, not panicking and ignoring the sensationalist headlines, should allow for a measured approach when making any decisions. The World will not stop because of Coronavirus, planes will still fly and people will continue to travel, as long as we all take sensible precautions, life should carry on, very much as it has before!

Gran Alacant - Making The Right Choices!

23/2/2020

It has been nearly two years since I left Spain to return to the UK, after what I can only describe as a manic time living and working in Gran Alacant. As I look back at that period I am reminded of the difficult journey that Darrell and I travelled, trying to forge a new life in a country both of us loved but knew little about. In this new section of Roaming Brit, I want to relive my experiences in Spain and try to understand just what went wrong. It is true to say our move in 2015 was brought about by adverse circumstances, and we started off our new life in a rather negative way. On the surface this could well have signalled the beginning of the end of our adventure before it even started, but of course our move was significant for many other reasons, not just the turmoil that was the catalyst for our decision to move.

We left Britain behind with some apprehension, neither Darrell nor I knew if our move would work and really had to take a chance, leaping into the unknown and trying to salvage what was left of the life we once had. After a terrible time working for Oxfam and the bullying we endured for many years, we both decided a fresh start was necessary to begin the process of rebuilding and repairing our sense of self-worth. After much research we decided Spain would offer us the best chance of a new life away from the memories of the past. By the time we left the UK, we were both exhausted, ill and shadows of our former self. As I stepped onto the plane with Jamie, a friend who had decided to move with us and Darrell had left Southampton with a single van load of stuff, we were both really unprepared for what happened next. Spain was nothing like we had imagined, it was the beginning of the most difficult time in our life.

After a brief stay in Alicante, we took a taxi to our new home in Gran Alacant, a destination we chose through luck. We saw a house we liked online and immediately contacted the agent a few weeks before our departure. We knew nothing about this small urbanization in the Valencia region, except it was close to Alicante, Benidorm and Torrevieja in the South. It was the ideal choice for our relocation, being close to work and links to Britain. This seemed like the perfect raison d'être on paper and as we drove up to the new house, I was positive about our decision.

The weather was cold, very cold and the house even colder inside. This was the beginning of February and all of us were unprepared for the freezing temperatures that greeted us. When one thinks of Spain, one never imagines for a minute the British like conditions, howling wind and icy cold nights, but Spain in the middle of winter was as bad as Britain, if not worse. The houses were cold, without central heating or carpet and the single glazed windows let in the cold and damp air. Our location at the top of Heart Attack Hill overlooking a ravine was indeed idyllic, but it also left us exposed and vulnerable at a time when the weather outside was decidedly unwelcoming. The first few weeks took some getting used to and all of us suffered to differing degrees.

It was important for me to get out and about as soon as I arrived and not dwell on the past. The predominantly British Expat community would be our home, and we needed to find our place within it, meet the locals and discover just what life was like in Gran Alacant. It didn't take too long to find our way around and introduce ourselves to residents. Daily activities were centred around one of three squares, Plaza Mayor, Sierra Mar and the Centro Commercial, as well as a strip of bars and restaurants at Carabassi at the bottom of the hill we overlooked; everywhere was within walking distance. With beautiful white sandy beaches, just a short walk away, the lifestyle this enclave offered was inviting and popular among the many tourists and second homeowners who lived there! The streets were safe and clean, the locals would say hello, pass the time of day and were generally more approachable. At first this was a little disconcerting, but as time moved on, I became used to this friendly community vibe and grew to love its charm.

The characters that lived and worked in GA, as Gran Alacant is affectionately known were varied and full of surprises. Within a short space of time I had made friends with some incredible people, who went out of their way to help me fit in and adapt to Expat life. Sitting in Dick Turpin, looking out across the square, winter sun high in the sky, warming my cold hands from the night before, I was suddenly at ease, safe and feeling at home. This was the first amicable bar we had stumbled across and I can't fault it in any way. In reality, this was how I pictured life living in the sun and I wanted to make this adventure work. An instantaneous feeling of determination overwhelmed me and I made a pact with myself to do everything possible to remain focused, at a time when I could have so easily let go. After such a horrendous time in the UK before we left, this is when the weight of the World lifted from my shoulders and it was all thanks to those locals who made our first few weeks so memorable, happy and inviting. Gran Alacant was my home, as it still remains today, firmly in my heart, rooted in the memories of an altogether better time!

Suicide!

16/2/2020

Whether this is an appropriate blog entry so soon after the death of TV presenter Caroline Flack, is a matter of opinion. For me, this is entirely congruous, especially at this time. Turning on ones television set this morning, one couldn't escape the news that Ms Flack, the former host of 'Love Island,' had killed herself as a result of a sustained media campaign to bully and intimidate her because of her involvement in an alleged attack against her then boyfriend Lewis Burton. The circumstances of the incident were fiercely contested by both parties involved, but however, used by the media, especially the British tabloid press, as a catalyst for some truly heinous and provocative headlines. The abuse and mistreatment Caroline endured was most certainly the beginning of the end for the talented television presenter; her untimely death, a reminder of bullying that anyone of us could suffer at any time.

Suicide has played a prominent role in my life I'm sad to say, not in the literal sense, but as an onlooker from the sidelines. I witnessed many young friends take their own lives, because of the turmoil of growing up homosexual at an age when we had no rights as a community. Coming to terms with who we are was a big deal for most us and so many other gay people from my generation.

Psychological and mental health issues were common place amongst my peers. Discovering I was gay was not the liberating experience it is today. I myself suffered trauma and bullying for many years, just because of my sexuality and have contemplated and attempted suicide, because of the negative circumstances I found myself in. Suicide is a deeply personal experience and no one can describe the pain and deep sense of loss and foreboding you go through as a person. Suicide is not an act you consider or carry out lightly, it is a final call for help and a much-needed release from demons you can no longer control.

When Caroline Flack decided to take her own life, she would have been at her lowest ebb and unable to control emotions that she had kept in check for too long. The pressure and attacks she suffered during her final few days and her subsequent death, show just what bullying can do to someone. This was another death where the media had blood on their hands, like so many before. A high profile celebrity if you like, who could no longer cope with the lies and mistruths that were touted as accurate portrayals; nothing could have been further from the truth!

I am sure I will be criticised for writing about the death of a celebrity, whilst commenting on my own experiences, but it is important to express a view freely on controversial subjects that wouldn't otherwise be brought to the attention of the public. Suicide is rarely discussed and the reasons behind it are often covered up and hidden away. Just as I would sit around a breakfast table with my family as a young boy and discuss the daily headlines in the newspaper, so I will communicate my opinion on difficult, uncomfortable topics today. The death of Caroline Flack has highlighted subjects that wouldn't otherwise be talked about and it is the duty of a writer to bring those subjects to the attention of their readers, as I have done in this entry. The stark reality of death has conjured up some uncomfortable memories for me and my family and I feel compelled to write about them, while this talking point remains fresh in my mind.

Nothing can explain just how angry I felt this morning when I heard about the death of Caroline. I didn't know her or even watch any of her shows, but her struggle became a source of personal angst, as I remembered just what had transpired in my life. The bullying I suffered at the hands of others, ending with my time at Oxfam is very much at the forefront of my thoughts once again. The death of a celebrity has reopened some old wounds, recollections I thought were laid to rest but clearly were not.

All of us should mourn the passing Caroline Flack, whether we knew her or not. Another life has been lost to suicide. The reasons why someone chooses to take their own life are complex and unique to each individual concerned. As people, we should all understand the signs that lead to such despair and do all we can to help and understand before passing judgement. Caroline's story is not an isolated one, learning why suicides occur is an important first step in recognising the stigma that surrounds this subject. More lives will be saved if only we took the time to listen!

1997 - Hope For A New Life!

10/2/2020

We lived on the edge of the bush, the last suburb in Western Australia before the wilderness took hold. Ellenbrook was newly built in 1997 and was a shiny, new example of ambition and aspiration in the fast growing city of Perth. I had been living in Australia for four long months and if I am honest, not having a great time. The heat, arrogance of those who lived there and difficulties getting a job, in a city of few opportunities for British Ex-Pats like me, were all taking their toll on my rash decision to move to the other side of the World with my partner of just two years. However, with circumstances the way they were back home in the UK, it was likely I would be living down under for a while yet. Darrell’s Australian nationality was a stumbling block to our relationship. The Conservative Government at the time refused to acknowledge our commitment to one another and made it clear Darrell wasn’t welcome in Britain. This was the second time we had journeyed away from Britain, a place we both called home and tried to make the best of our precarious situation!

The election of 2nd May 1997 was our only hope of a future together away from Australia. As the day approached I became ever more anxious, believing the then Prime Minister John Major, would win another term in office, putting pay to our desire to return, firmly in its tracks. This was the first time Darrell and I really began to argue, as once again our life seemed uncertain. I was living in a Country I couldn’t stand, missing home and looking for a way out. If Tony Blair won, he had already indicated his wish to change the law, legitimising de-facto relationships like ours in law, allowing us both to live happily ever after, well as near as damn it anyway!

It was 10pm in Britain, 5am in Perth, and I was up, waiting to follow the General Election to its conclusion. There was no live coverage from the BBC, but we did have access to a rather antiquarian computer and the wonders of Telstra Dial Up internet. Needless to say the service was intermittent at best, non-existent at worst. I did my best to catch the results as they came in, as I had done during every election before. I was a bit of a political animal, having studied politics and social policy at University and always supported my Father standing in local elections in the past; as a staunch supporter of New Labour, politics ran through my veins and despite my fears, I always remained positive for the future. This election was the most important one in my lifetime and it would decide mine and Darrell’s future for many years to come!

As the results came in, it was clear Tony Blair and New Labour were heading for power in a landslide victory; finally I began to relax and immediately make plans in my head for a future back home, living legally as a couple, in a country that had turned a corner and become part of the modern World. The relief I felt on Friday 3rd May 1997 was like nothing else I have felt before. Maybe, just maybe this could be the beginning of a new chapter together, settled and happy, secure and content in a life we so craved, at a time of change and upheaval in Britain itself.

Within a few months we had left Australia to start a new life back home. It would be another four years before we would both be able to relax, as Darrell received his indefinite leave to remain. We became the second same sex couple in the country to be granted permission to stay together, after years of fighting to be the partnership we are today. There were many more battles along the way, we were mentioned in Parliament, received deportation orders and campaigned tirelessly for others like us, to be accorded the same rights as our heterosexual friends. The election of Tony Blair in 1997 signalled our Australian departure and ushered in the next twenty-three years of our life together, a turning point that marked the end of an antipodean dream!

Holiday Update!

6/2/2020

At the moment I seem to be glued to the television and internet every day, waiting for the latest report about the spread of the deadly Coronavirus. Yesterday another seventy people died from the disease, the biggest one day total since the outbreak was first reported. I am in two minds about just what to do. We have flights booked to China and Hong Kong, two countries that are suffering from the virus more than most. Travelling to Asia at present seems dangerous and foolish, yet we are still booked to travel to this part of the World in the not to distant future.

I spoke to Darrell this morning, where we discussed the options available to us, and we both agreed there was just nothing we could do now. Darrell's insurance company have informed him that he is covered for the Coronavirus, providing like us in the UK, he follows Government guidance to the letter. That is good news at least for now! Sadly we will have to wait for another few months before we have a clearer picture about what we can realistically do. Currently, I am not optimistic about flying to ASIA at all. My flights are scheduled to land in the most infected countries and so far the advice to travellers like me, is stay away and don't travel.

We have however come up with a plan B in the event of the worst case scenario. Darrell will fly to Europe, and we will holiday on the continent instead. This isn't something I really want to do but with the Coronavirus seemingly spiralling out of control, it may well be our only option. Whatever we decide, it will clearly be a last minute choice based on the circumstances at the time. Neither one of us travelling to Japan and Thailand can see past all the misinformation and panic at the moment and with an ever confusing picture emerging daily, we are left in a quandary!

There is much to plan for a trip like this and if we are going, we need to start arranging inoculations and jabs now. This is an expensive business, on top of the cost of the excursion. Injections could cost upwards of £500, so we don't want to be paying for them unnecessarily. We are fortunate to have booked accommodation, that we can cancel up until a few weeks before we travel, so will not lose out financially. Our three flights are the major concern and like most people in our position, we are hoping that the airlines we have chosen will offer an alternative route, or refund our money without too much hassle.

All of us are still hoping for a positive outcome and remain optimistic. Until we hear otherwise, our journey remains firmly on track!

Clayborne's World - Cancer Research Teddy In All The Best Places...Spoon, World Buffet!

6/2/2020

Hi everyone, I'm Clayborne the Cancer Research Teddy! Last Thursday I accompanied the crew of Cancer Research, Commercial Road on their dinner date at Spoon, World Buffet. I have travelled all over the World, so it was fitting that I could also attend this evening with everyone at this new Portsmouth venue. I had a fabulous time, like everyone who went and am looking forward to my next adventure, at home or abroad!

Family Day!

2/2/2020

I had a rare day off on Friday, so spent the day with my Aunt and Cousins, travelling to Hayling island to enjoy a day of relaxation and a couple of pints of Guinness in my Cousin Emmy's local pub. I haven't been able to chill in a long time, working long hours and three jobs, so this was a rare opportunity to spend some valuable time with family, along the coast, despite the windy weather!

One of my biggest regrets in life, is not being close to my relatives before now. I spent far too much time partying and not enough time getting to know those closest. Despite turning mine and Darrell's life upside down, coming back home from Spain in 2018 was the best move I could have ever made. This has been an important part of my reconnection with family and has finally given me a sense of purpose that I didn't have before.

Family remains the linchpin that holds all of us together at times of stress and upheaval, without them we would surely fail!

Achieving The Right Balance!

2/2/2020

As a child I was very much a loner, preferring my own company to that of others. I would spend hours in my room, writing, reading or watching television, consequently I had very few friends to speak of and spent the first decade and a half of my life without many people around me. That is what suited me at the time, I wasn't a people person and found others annoying and tiresome. I don't remember enjoying my teenage years at all, in fact it was an extremely gruelling and formidable time. Without friends my experiences were pretty nondescript and unmemorable; these were years I would rather forget and by and large have, only touching on their relevance from time to time.

On Thursday evening I went out with friends from my voluntary job at Cancer Research, to a new restaurant here in Portsmouth. I thoroughly enjoyed being in their company and had a fantastic night, as I always do with this bunch. In 2020 my life is very different and I mix with many people. I suppose I actually like being centre of attention and the introverted child I was, is no longer a person I comprehend. When I left school, I evolved into someone very different, in many respects an individual I didn't recognise but someone I liked; I finally found out who I was and rather late, granted, became the personality I am today. Education kept me in a box away from the real World and never allowed me to be the unique, slightly eccentric guy I am. I did well at school, but I didn't excel, I didn't fulfil my dreams and become the person I craved. For the most part I didn't mix with others because I didn't enjoy their company, find them stimulating or even fit in with their agenda. The few friends I did have were like me and as I discovered later in life, went through the same traumas I did. Life was not easy as a kid, but it did teach me a lot about the World and how to stand on my own two feet without the help of others.

My journey from the age of sixteen was full of people, weird and wonderful characters who have remained a part of my life for many years. I was attracted to like-minded individuals, mainly from the gay community which I played an active role in and discovered there were other people like me. Looking back at my school days now, I am sure my homosexuality played a big part in my discontent and stopped me from following my dreams and aspirations. The awkwardness I felt for many years was really the product of my hidden sexuality and the times I grew up in.

After decades living on a gay scene, that could be destructive at times, inward looking and surrounded by more so-called friends than I could ever hope for, I have reached a cross road in my life, where I am now looking to achieve a balance between friends, family, work life and me time. Today I literally have too many people around me and making time for each one of them can be challenging. Of course, I no longer live on a large gay scene or have a large gay family to contend with on a daily basis, but I still have connections with others that I need and want to keep alive. Those closest are the ones that stood the test of time and have always been there on my journey. These are the ones who never judged me for my failings, accepted my sexuality and were there when others were not; these were the friends who made me who I am today.

I have lost many companions along the way, mainly through choice and realising they were not the people I thought they were. At 48 years old I am not afraid to tell someone where to go, especially if I believe they are making me feel like that depressed child I once was. I have a lifestyle that involves working three jobs, blogging, writing and socialising when I am able, if others can't make allowances for that, then they can not be a part of my life. I can't be that weekend party animal I used to be or spend two hundred pounds drinking on a Saturday night, while those financially better off than I can. The reality is, I am just an average, hard-working guy, I haven't had an amazing career, made oodles of money or boast about my achievements, but I am happy being me. Content with the friends I have, I am no longer looking for the recognition and approval I used to crave. My life is difficult, challenging, content and eventful. My fate is mine to do with as I please and when I make a decision today it's about what is right for me, not anyone else, just me, my family and the path I have chosen to follow.