Roaming Brit
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From a new life in spain, to an old life in britain, 'roaming brit' documents uncertain times!

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On 31st January 2016, my partner and I left Southampton to start a new life as Expats in Gran Alacant, on the Costa Blanca. This blog will document our journey, as we navigate the Spanish system, travelling a path untried and untested. With Brexit looming, political turmoil in Europe and an unpredictable future, harsh decisions have to be made. Illness, family bonds and a Change of heart all make for challenging times in a life of a 'Roaming Brit!'

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Recording A Journey That Continues Today!

5/12/2020

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The differences that brought us together, are the bonds that keep us strong. Even during the worst of times, we fought hard to remain as one. Immigration, the threat of deportation, forced separation and now a pandemic, all pushed us to our limits. There were and still are times I want to give up, but the memories of the life I once had and will have again, keep me grounded, level-headed and  hopeful that circumstances will change, and we can once again resume the story of our life. Until then a photo, marking our union, even during isolation, will keep our relationship alive. A photograph recording a journey that continues today!
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Confronting the Past!

28/9/2020

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I am currently in the middle of a two-week holiday from work. Darrell was due to fly to the UK for our 25th Anniversary last week, but as we all know, circumstances have prevented us being reunited after ten months apart. Like most couples in our position, we are doing what we can to make the most of our difficult situation. With the second wave of the pandemic sweeping through the country, it is likely we won't be able to see each other for a long time yet and are trying to work out a plan to overcome any worst case scenario. My Member of Parliament is on our case and after speaking with Darrell over the last seven days, I have suggested his West Australian MP also gets involved, hopefully working with mine and the Home Office to come up with an acceptable resolution for both of us. Only time will tell, if this strategy works!
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Last Wednesday I went to see my Father, the first time I have seen him since the pandemic broke in March of this year. I am still very reluctant to be in his company; I have three jobs and mix with a lot of different people, so the risks of exposure I encounter every day are more than I would like. However, my Father had arranged for us to talk socially distanced, in his conservatory, and we had a lot to discuss.

I haven't seen eye to eye with Dad recently, so it was the perfect opportunity to make my views count and clear up a few misconceptions. We talked for a good few hours about a number of different subjects; for the first time in my life, I was able to explain my feelings about my life growing up gay and just how it had affected my mental well-being. To be honest, like most parents, I don't think he fully understood just what I went through as a child, nevertheless this was an important first conversation to have and it felt as if we had started to lay ghosts to rests.

It wasn't until recently that I realised just what role my past has played in my life, especially during the last few years. Many of the health issues I have now, begun during a particularly traumatic childhood; coming to terms with them, has pushed me towards finally confronting my demons. Despite this, their significance has remained a constant source of angst and become a brutal reminder of a past I would rather forget in most respects.

It was important to speak with Dad about topics rarely discussed, we still don't fully understand each others point of view, but have certainly started the process of moving forwards positively. There are many things I want to forget and this is just the beginning of that conversation. In time, I hope both of us will finally understand one another.
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Two Against The World!

13/9/2020

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Darrell and I have always been inseparable, rarely spending anytime apart, despite coming from different parts of the World. Our biggest battles always revolved around remaining together, no matter what the circumstances. There were many milestones, that contributed to our outlook on life and despite the obstacles in our way, we never once considered giving up on each other.

I have always been a determined character and when I put my mind to something, I can achieve everything I wish for. As a gay man, I had to work harder than most to realise my dreams and more often than not, everything I did, no matter how hard I tried, ended in abject failure. The one aspect of my life I could always rely upon and be proud about, was my relationship, and the belief I have in partnership, between two individuals, no matter what their sexuality. I suppose I always looked towards my parents for an example in this regard, who remained together, despite what transpired in their life, up until Mum's death last year.

Darrell is a husband, but he is also a soul mate. We are very different personalities, but essentially our perspective on life is the same. Our relationship is the most important foundation; the Linch-pin that holds both of us together, even in the most arduous of circumstances. 'Lesser mortals' couldn't have endured the hardships we have and still remained the strong unit we are today. Together we can achieve anything we put our minds to, even if the ending isn't always as we would have liked.

It is true to say, we have failed more times than I care to remember, the resulting pain and anguish has always taught us much about human nature and more importantly ourselves, as we claw our way back to a semblance of normality once again. The process of fighting, struggling and resistance is often difficult to overcome, but no matter what the circumstances, we have always, without fail, managed to rebuild and restart our lives. Most of us have knock backs along the way, but when you consider our backgrounds, sexuality and lack of support, we have suffered more than most. Nobody told me how bumpy the ride would be when I met Darrell, if they had, maybe I would have thought twice, but the fact is, no one can tell you who to fall in love with; love does indeed conquer all.

I still believe in happy endings, and  hope we will live happily ever after, even when the odds are stacked against us. We will never have the security my parents enjoyed, and will always struggle for every penny we earn, but ultimately we can find peace together. Whether we are living in a caravan in Spain, a flat in a tower block or a tent in a field, we will have each other. The pull of dreams unfulfilled and the memories of times, when we did accomplish all we desired, the travelling around the World and people we met, lived, loved, cried and fought with, is a reminder of what it is like to live, really live and experience a life that others could only dream of.

When we speak to each other once a week, we can put the World to rights, discuss our hopes and fears for the future and encourage each other to do better. As we try and comprehend this strange new planet we now inhabit, positivity, strength of character and a desire to succeed, should gently push us towards a destiny where fortune prevails.... Even if it doesn't! All we need is time, a bit of luck and a belief in ourselves, then maybe, just maybe we'll be winners once again!
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Return to Kalgoorlie!

3/9/2020

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I've had a pretty unremarkable week if I am honest, just plenty of working on the agenda. Since the easing of lockdown restrictions, I have become busier than ever, doing as much overtime as possible. Saving money rather than spending it is a rather alien concept for me, but nevertheless I have been doing just that, tirelessly, and have built up quite a nest egg for the future. Today I actually have more money than I have ever had and am finally looking forward to a rosy future. Equally, Darrell is saving hard in Australia and by the time this dreadful pandemic has passed, we should have enough money to finally settle down in the country of our choice..

Darrell travelled home to Kalgoorlie this week, a gold mining town in the Western Australian outback.  Once a year, he is given a free ticket to travel anywhere in the state for a holiday, offering a welcome break away from the pressure he is under every day. Travelling to see his old school friend Tina, he was able to walk a path he hasn't walked for many years, remembering his childhood in a town that he has had a rather difficult relationship with.

Kalgoorlie is a small town, deep in the Australian desert, with a big attitude. Rather like small town America, Kalgoorlie has its fair share of extreme views, conservative values and right wing attitudes, from a bygone era that most of us are glad to see the back of. Darrell used to tell me about his feelings growing up gay in this provincial back-water, where men were men and women knew their place. In truth, he didn't paint a very nice picture of the place, constantly referring to it as a dust bowl, homophobic and racist. This is the place where he grew up however and in the same way I still hold my childhood home of Fareham with affection, I could tell in his voice, he was happy to see it once again.

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Speaking to Darrell on the phone it was clear he enjoyed his trip away. Seeing the changing scenery as the train travelled through open farm land and bush, relaxing on the six-hour journey was refreshing after the year he has had.

Staycations both in the UK and Australia are 'all the rage,' as a television commentator referred to it on 'Good Morning Britain' this morning. All of us are trying to make the most of worldwide lockdown conditions in this COVID era, so staying at home is part of the 'new normal,' the order of the day. This arduous chapter has given Darrell the opportunity to travel back to a distinct time in his life, one that wasn't always happy or memorable. Like me, his childhood wasn't easy, but it made us both who we are and sometimes it helps to retrace one's steps along a road that essentially began our journey together. When I am able, I will also go to Australia and see the town where Darrell spent his childhood, until then I have been happy to see the photographs along with all of you.

Both of us returned home to our respective countries for the same reasons, to be with our families at a traumatic time. With my Mother sadly departed, I am no longer needed here; ideally I would like to fly to Australia to be with my husband and Mother, but with the World in so much turmoil, that is impossible, and I am making the best of my situation. Luckily I am staying with a loving Aunt and family, who have done everything to support me through these last couple of years. Despite everything, I do at least have the satisfaction of getting to know my extended family once again. All of us are where we are for a reason and it is clear, I am supposed to be here at this point in my life. This is a period I will remember for all eternity, a special phase, that I will never forget, this is a time I grew stronger as a person and finally realised where my heart belongs, with the person I fell in love with twenty-five years ago!

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Countdown to 25 Years!

6/8/2020

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Darrell and Mum, keeping in contact from the other side of the World!

On the 22 September 2020 Darrell and I will celebrate our 25th Anniversary, a milestone, we could not have anticipated, a quarter of a century ago. Of course this won't be a celebration like any other we have known, and we will not be able to spend the day together. Australia's borders are currently closed and Darrell will not be able to fly to the UK as we had first planned. Our twenty-five years together will begin with our forced separation, in a World very different from the one we have known.

Darrell and I met each other at a time of upheaval for the gay community. Neither of us had any rights to stay together and for the next six years we fought hard to remain in the UK as partners. I have written much about the challenges we have faced as a gay couple from different corners of the World. It is important to acknowledge the role our families, friends, relatives, officials and Members of Parliament have played, in our quest to help change and adapt  our precarious situation, into the unrestrained, free status we enjoy today. The heartache and pain we suffered in the later part of the twentieth century made us the fighters we are. Nothing phased us and no obstacle was too big to climb, even in the face of deportation from the country we both called home.

The Coronavirus has kept us apart, when the political system couldn't. This period in our history as a couple, indeed the history of the World, has become a barrier to our life as a couple and created difficulties we are unable to overcome currently. Living without the person you love, because of factors beyond your control, is the most frustrating, exasperating experience of my life. Our current circumstances aren't easily circumvented, our well-being is in the hands of an unseen foe and there is absolutely nothing we can do to change that. Worldwide panic has pressed pause on our relationship and that is hard to accept.

We will not be able to spend our 25th Anniversary together this year, but we have the memory of our time together and our Marriage in 2015 to help overcome the pain of severance. When we look back at 2020, we will see this as just another setback in a sea of many. No one could have foreseen the events we are all living through; this should be an opportunity to grow and cultivate new memories to share, as we spend the next twenty-five years together, in the post COVID World!
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Photographs of Hope - Family Toast, good to see your faces!

20/7/2020

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Inspirational photographs at a time of crisis, creating positivity for the future!

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Two familiar faces back for this week's family toast. It's been a long time coming, but it's great to see Aunty Sue and Karen back once again.

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Photographs of Hope - Family Toast!

11/7/2020

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Inspirational photographs at a time of crisis, creating positivity for the future!

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We've been doing our family toast for ten weeks now, throughout the duration of the first wave of this pandemic, and like most families we have done our best to keep in touch, despite the difficult circumstances. I still haven't seen all of my relatives, even now, because I don't want to put anyone at risk.

The last time I saw my Father, was in January of this year. It has been hard not seeing him, especially at this time, but I don't feel it is appropriate quite yet. I work in Tesco, a pub and have a voluntary job with Cancer Research, all of which are customer facing roles.  I come into contact with many members of the public daily, that's a lot of people; so I really don't want to put my Father or any other member of my family at risk unnecessarily. I do speak to Dad every week, and he seems to be in good spirits, but this is also a lonely time for him and all of us who are separated.

This week we were able to welcome back Aunty Sue, to our family toast, after a few weeks away. Sue hasn't been feeling on top form recently and decided to take a break. To be honest I don't blame her; there were times I wish I could have just disappeared for a while, hoping this year would just go away, but to no avail. Aunty Sue hasn't been too well and having to shield for weeks on end has taken its toll on her, but fighting fit as ever, she has returned, joining in the weekly toast!

I was reading an article online this morning, talking about living with Coronavirus long term. It looks like it will be awhile before we can all get back to normal and enjoy life as it used to be. Until then, we will have to continue making the best of this situation; our weekly toast will be here for a while yet, which is no bad thing. Family up and down the country are coping remarkably well and all of us have used our ingenuity to focus on the relationships that remain important, despite the distance between us. I guess sometime next year, we will all be able to hug each other once again; until then we have our weekly toast to one another, showing everyone, no matter where they are, that we continue to care about them and lives we share!

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Photographs of Hope - Family Toast!

26/6/2020

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Inspirational photographs at a time of crisis, creating positivity for the future!
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It's been a week since our last family tribute, another Thursday toasting the importance of family during this pandemic and a tradition that has become a part of life for us all, during this difficult time. With lockdown rules relaxed further this week, all of us are continuing to rebuild our relationships with friends and relatives alike. On July 4th, more businesses will reopen and life as we know it now, will change yet again.  Until we get back to the way things were, we will continue to remember loved ones, every Thursday; a day to remember the importance of family life!

We were delighted to be joined by my Mother-in-Law, Mary this week, at home with my husband Darrell in Perth, Western Australia. Mary continues to undergo a gruelling timetable of chemotherapy in order to treat her cancer diagnosis. It was wonderful to see her looking so well, despite her continued ordeal. All of us wish her well and are thankful for her good health.

Stay Safe y'all!

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Photographs of Hope - Family Toast!

14/6/2020

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Inspirational photographs at a time of crisis, creating positivity for the future!

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Another week another 'Non Touch Family Toast,' celebrating family up and down the nation. As we continue to raise a glass to those we hold dear, we are all reminded of the importance of family. With lockdown rules relaxed this week, most of us are able to spend some valuable time with our 'Social Bubbles.' Nevertheless, the way we live our lives is by no means back to normal, so our virtual get together once a week, remains as important now as it always has been!

Stay Safe!


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Photographs of Hope - Ty Jeffries!

12/6/2020

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Inspirational photographs at a time of crisis, creating positivity for the future!

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'This is the view from my bedroom window. This Philadelphus has been in flower for at least 6 weeks now - it has sustained me throughout Lockdown with its glorious, celebratory froth of pure white flowers. Wish I could get close enough to smell them.'


Ty Jeffries


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    51-year-old Author and professional blogger. Expat formerly living in Gran Alacant on the Costa Blanca! Currently, residing in my adopted home of Perth, Western Australia.

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    A place to call home
    Finally, a place we can call home.  A community of like minded individuals, who used to call Britain home.  Now Spain is our choice, an altogether gentler, happier, sunnier and safer experience!
            Luke Feb 16
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Telephone

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  • Blog
  • The Story Of Us
  • Other Blogs
    • Forever Enduring Cycles Blog 2015 >
      • Forever Enduring Cycles
      • Bipolarcoaster
      • Books For Sale
  • Gallery
  • Spain
    • First Month
    • Three Months
    • Six Months
    • One Year
    • 2 Year Anniversary
    • Spanish Views
    • Gran Alacant >
      • GA Advertiser
      • Gran Alacant News
      • LoungeD
      • No Wives Club
  • About
    • New Life
    • Wedding
    • 21 Years
    • Timeline
    • My Story
    • Australia 2016/17
  • Guest Bloggers
    • Penelope Wren
    • Debra Rufini
    • Claire Coe
    • Richard Guy
    • Optimistic Mummy
    • Julie Rawlinson
    • Letters Of Hope
  • Links
  • Contact
  • My Writing
    • Short Stories From My Youth
    • Verruca Almond
    • The Streets