It has been nearly eighty years since the end of the Second World War and during that time, Europe has enjoyed relative peace, free from conflict and tyrannical dictators, that really defined the last century. I suppose my generation was the first to enjoy life, without the prospect of having to go to war. On Thursday 24 February 2022, all that calm and tranquillity was shattered, as one man's dream, to build an empire after the fall of the Soviet Union, came to fruition. The increasingly dictatorial President Putin of Russia, invaded his neighbour Ukraine and began a fight to restore the old communist satellite states to Russian control; while the World was distracted, Putin prepared for invasion on a scale that no one has seen since the 1930s.

I am like everyone, every sane, normal person that is; I am appalled and shocked by the blatant criminal act against a sovereign state. This is 2022 for God’s sake, have we really learnt nothing over the last eight decades; we are at a terrible crossroads in history, that none of us thought possible. The evil dictator in Russia has crossed a line, and it feels like there is no going back. Once you let the beast out of its box, it's very difficult to put it safely back in. This tyrant has unleashed a war on the continent that could be the catalyst for something far worse, the consequences of which, don't bare thinking about. There are never any winners in armed conflict, just the casualties left behind; lives broken, homes and livelihoods destroyed and a nation in mourning for its dead. I don't mind admitting, I cried on the day I heard the news and I have a feeling, many more tears will yet be shed!

It feels that Putin has taken advantage of a terrible situation and used it to prepare for war. I am of course talking about the pandemic. While countries fought hard to save their citizens during the worldwide Coronavirus outbreak of 2020-2022, this psychopathic mad man spent the time building up resources, capital and military supplies, in order to unleash his inhuman fighting machine on Ukraine. In some respects you could almost, yes almost believe, that the last two years were a smoke screen, staged by communist China as a catalyst for the ushering in of the new World order. One has to remember just how much nations were preoccupied with COVID-19; yes, they did take their eye off the ball and didn't think for one minute that Russia would launch an attack in the heart of Europe. Of course this is just speculation and whatever the circumstances behind this new war, the fact is, the west allowed it to happen, and the consequences will live with us for generations to come.

Watching the scenes unfold from Ukraine on our television screens, I was as shocked as anyone at what I was witnessing. The sirens sounding across the city of Kyiv, people running for cover to underground shelters in the city's metro system, echoing the scenes from London during the Blitz in the 1940s, a bygone era. Cruise missile hitting civilian areas, blocks of flats and refugees heading west on trains out of urban areas. Carrying a few belongings, children in hand, pets in carry cases with a single suitcase would not have looked out of place in Hitlers Germany, as Jews were transported to concentration camps. The emotions I feel now, as I write this, are real and bring yet more tears to my eyes; this is a war like no other and a fight all of us will have to endure.

These last few years have been traumatic for all of us living through the pandemic. We have all had to make sacrifices for the greater good of our friends and neighbours, each of us protecting one another living through lockdowns, restrictions and draconian measures, designed to stem the tide of COVID-19. As we move out of this terrible period in history, it seems we are now entering yet another even more agonizing, anxiety inducing time, with the beginnings of a European war. These dangerous days herald the start of what could be a World destroying event, that will result in catastrophic loss of life and the end of our planet as we know it. This is probably the most perilous period in modern history, and none of us know where it will end.

My biggest fear is a wider world war, as Russia crosses the boarder into NATO territory. Part of the NATO charter states that any action against one NATO nation will result in a swift, decisive action against Russia from the other NATO members. If President Putin is as mad as we are told, then he will not think twice about launching attacks against other states bordering Russia. The word unhinged is being used to describe this egotistical maniac, and after the events of the last few days, it is easy to see why. The attack on Ukraine has clearly been planned for a long time and constitutes war crimes not seen in Europe since the late 1990s. With his finger firmly on the nuclear trigger, Putin could single-handedly destroy the World whenever he wants. This would of course be a worse case scenario, but alarm bells are already ringing. Mr Putin wants the old USSR back, and it seems he will stop at nothing to achieve it.

These are indeed dark days for the World, as all of us hold our breath. Sadly I don't have a crystal ball, but I am aware of my own anxiety and that of friends, family and colleagues. The next few weeks and months are going to get bumpy; I am scared for the future, but just like I did in the pandemic, I will carry on, doing what I have to, to survive. At the moment there is no hint of what's to come, so like the rest of the World, I pray for a positive outcome and continue to look forward to a future that may or may not exist. All of us have to do our best to support our Ukrainian friends, donate to charities in the region and keep the message of hope alive. At this fork in the road, it's time to stand up and be counted, don't bury your head in the sand, wake up to what's happening on our doorstep. Evil exists in the World, it's time to confront it head on!

With Storm Eunice causing havoc across the UK today, I have decided to stay inside with Darrell. Each year I have a 'personal day,' time off from work, over and above my normal holiday, and it just so happened to fall on the day, the biggest storm in a generation hit the south coast of England. To be honest, it has just given me the opportunity to relax, chill and take some much-needed time for myself. I am mindful of just how bad this storm could be, however. Looking outside the window, the strong winds are clear to see; rubbish and debris is blowing in the air during strong gusts and walls and fences have collapsed in the street.

Sitting, reflecting on today's storm force winds, I am left wondering just what is going on, in this chaotic World we are living in. If you could transport me back to 2019, I would gladly leave tomorrow. The last few years, since the loss of my Mother, have been terrible in every respect. The Pandemic emphasises just how awful the planet has become. The scenes on our television sets, recording mounting deaths daily, brought home the scale of mother nature. I have suffered from low mood and depression for quite a number of months now; with more and more bad news, from every part of the planet, highlighted on our television screens daily, there are times, I just want to hide away and forget this time exists.

As a child, I was always fearful of war. Growing up in the 1980s, during the height of the Cold War, I was always aware of what could happen. I would spend night after night worrying about nuclear war, especially after watching the film 'Threads.' This film documented a fictional nuclear attack on the city of Sheffield; its powerful imagery has always remained with me. As communism collapsed, so the Cold War ended and the World seemed a much safer place to live. The threat of war quickly receded and the nightmares I had as a child disappeared; finally, I could breathe a sigh of relief.

Nothing is forever, as they say; with a despot like Putin in charge of Russia, it looks like we are heading into another Cold War. Tensions are high in Ukraine and Western nations have warned we could even be on the cusp of a dangerous European war, at the end of the COVID-19 pandemic. This is a time in history that appears to be the most dangerous in my lifetime. 2022, isn't a great time to be alive, I have never felt so uneasy. I believe we are heading into a period of great turmoil, but more importantly, change; a crossroads in all our lives.

If I was a religious man, I would say that it really does feel like the 'end of days' at the moment. The World seems chaotic, directionless and, with the rise of dictators like Putin, without moral compass. The pandemic has highlighted just how vulnerable we are and how easy it is to upset the delicate environmental balance that keeps us in check. I have never understood the inhumane nature of people. Whether a tyrant ruling a country or a sociopath at the top of Oxfam, these individuals exist, to the detriment of the rest of us. There is very little we can do on the surface to rid ourselves of cretinous leaders who lord over us, but we can distance ourselves from the worst influences in our own lives.

I have tried very hard to change my life for the better, especially during this pandemic. The last two years reminds me very much of my own struggles in life. Just as you think you have turned a corner for the better, something else comes along to push you right back to where you started. The next few years will more than likely be more of the same, so it looks like we will have to batten down the hatches and make the most of what we have. I very much look forward to a time, when we can live in peace and normality, but until then, we can always remember the good times… Times that will most certainly return once again!

It's been nearly four years since I returned to the UK from Spain, and during that time I haven't stopped working. The busiest period for me was always on the weekends, especially a Saturday night. I would often go from job to job, starting early in the supermarket and finishing at midnight in the pub. Fifteen-hour days were all well and good when I was living in Britain on my own, but now Darrell is home, my busy lifestyle has had to change. No one can keep working at such a fast pace, without burning out. A few weeks ago I made the decision to stop working at the Newcome Arms on a Saturday night and the reality is, it has been just the tonic I have needed to finally relax and unwind once again.

I have found it particularly difficult to chill and take time out since arriving back home; with so much on my mind, it hasn't been easy to forget my woes, especially with Darrell being in Australia. Of course, I have never been a person to do nothing, I have to keep busy, which usually involves blogging or going out for a long walk. Having at least part of the weekend free can only be a good thing, as I finally take a step back and enjoy the time I have to myself.  I work more than enough hours to pay for Darrell and me now, and the last thing I want to do is get ready to go out and work on a bustling Saturday night.

Last weekend, for the first time in years, we went out for a meal at what has become my favourite Chinese restaurant, Yan Woo in North End. This small unassuming establishment, set back from the road, offers amazing home cooked food, in an authentic setting, The staff are always friendly and welcoming, making this a great place to unwind after a long day. It did feel good to be sat quietly talking with Darrell, as we always used to, and not having to worry about rushing home to get ready for work. This first Saturday off was a great introduction to normal life once again, and I thoroughly enjoyed being free.

I do use the word free loosely; I never felt trapped working at the Newcome, but rarely having time out on a weekend became a burden towards the end. I haven't needed to work in the pub, in a monetary sense, having enough income to survive, but it was a part of my life I enjoyed. Socially, working in a pub was a wonderful experience, especially on a Saturday, which is usually football day here in Portsmouth. Meeting some incredible people, I cherish some amazing memories, made over many years. I am also still beavering away behind the bar on a Wednesday evening, not wanting to give up bar work just yet. I want and need to keep that contact with a pub I regard as my own and a group of people I have a remarkable bond with. In time, I may decide to knock it on the head completely, but until then, I am happy to be a part of the Newcome team, looking forward to a productive year ahead!

This weekend I was able to spend time with family, going out for the day, eating lunch out and enjoying a home cooked meal in the evening. It was great to do 'normal' things on a Saturday, which I wouldn't have usually done otherwise. It is more important for me now, to have this time to myself, especially with Darrell home from Australia. As 'normal' service resumes, I hope to continue to scale back the amount of shifts I do in the coming months. By the time we approach the end of the year I want to be in a position, where I can pick and choose when I work, without pushing myself too hard. One has to remember, I have had a lot of health concerns over the last four years and after suffering from COVID recently this month, it is time to take stock and realise, life isn't just about working. It is also about spending quality time with the people I love and enjoying life once again.

It's been a few weeks since I was diagnosed with COVID-19 and I have started to get back to normal. Looking back at the ten days I had this wretched disease, I can confidently say, It was, in the main, quite mild. When I compare my symptoms with other peoples, I am fully aware of how lucky I was, to recover relatively unscathed, with mostly no enduring issues. However, I am left with a few annoying problems, that just won't go away.

I still have a cough, that just lingers and lingers. I'm not coughing constantly, but enough to cause concern. All of us cough for a reason, it's usually because we have an irritant in our throat, that just will not go away, and I suppose that is the case with me. During my bout of Coronavirus, I was given antibiotics to help clear, what the Doctor thought was a bacterial chest infection. Apparently, according to him, coughing up dark green phlegm was the key to this diagnosis. Having finished the medication, although much better, I am told I have 'post COVID-19 bronchitis,' which could take a while to shift.  I am still bringing up mucus, just not the thick substance I was earlier.

One of the biggest ailments, for want of a better word, I am left with, is fatigue and tiredness, as well as constant dizzy spells that just will not go away. I have never been someone who sleeps particularly well, waking up numerous times during the night, but since COVID, my sleep is far worse. I am tired every day and often feel nauseous and disorientated. My joints ache far more than usual, making it difficult to carry out tasks I would usually find easy. These are not life limiting manifestations, but they do make my activities a lot harder than they already were.

There is very little I can do about the niggling post COVID symptoms I am suffering from, but they are a reminder of how bad things could have been. After explaining my brush with Coronavirus with my Doctor, he told me, how I had got off lightly. For me, this virus went straight to my chest, but luckily no further. Had I not had the vaccinations, I may well have been in trouble, COVID could have moved further and deeper into the lungs, causing extensive damage and my outcome could have been very different.

I didn't suffer from classic Coronavirus symptoms; I had no temperature, could breathe absolutely fine and experienced only mild traits. Other people were not so lucky and are racked with lasting pain. In many respects I am glad I have had the disease, as I now have many more antibodies than before. I would hope not to get it again, but there are no guarantees. None of us really know where this virus will go, and it is likely many more variants will be discovered over the following months. I am still trying to take greater care around people and will always wear a mask in public places to differing degrees, but for me, it's time to move on, and live life once again. Coronavirus will be with us for a long-time yet and as it becomes endemic within our boarders, all of us will have to learn to live alongside it. The only thing to fear, is fear itself; COVID isn't the killer it used to be!

Today, I have finally achieved another weight loss goal. Since October 5th 2021, I have been on a calorie controlled diet, not a keto or one of those fad diets, but just a good old-fashioned calorie counting weight loss programme. With a little help from my 'nutracheck' app, I have managed to lose nearly 20 kg, going from 100 kilos last year to 77.9 kilograms today. For me, that is a huge undertaking; I used to have a BMI of 43, through careful eating and an active lifestyle, that has now fallen to 24.6. I am no longer obese, I am a normal healthy weight, although still at the higher end of normal…. I can cope with that; I am just happy to feel fit again, without the aches and pains I have suffered with in the past. Getting out of bed is a dream, walking has become easier, and I no longer get out of breath walking upstairs.

My weight has always tended to yo-yo over the years, I have literally been every size you can imagine and everything in-between. I have been on many diets, but never really achieved a sustainable weight, that I was able to maintain. Of course, I am hoping this time will be different, but I am also under no illusions, as to just how difficult it will be, to stay at 77 kilos.

I have downloaded the 'nutracheck' application on my phone and use it to keep track of the calories I eat on a daily basis. Through a barcode scanner, I am able to accurately establish my intake of food and drink daily, make adjustments where necessary and also take account of any exercise and activity I undertake. This app has been amazing at keeping me on the straight and narrow, preventing me from deviating from my weight loss goal too much. It has also allowed me to track my changing weight and other health indicators, making it the ideal diet companion.

This time I was determined not to make the same mistakes of the past. I have allowed myself to eat treats now and again, not every day, but on occasion, when I fancy something a little different. Also, when eating out, I have put no restrictions on what I consume, not always opting for the healthiest option. This has worked well for me and as a result I have rarely craved food, in the same way I used to.

Tonight I am going out for a meal at 'Yan Woo,' in Portsmouth, one of my favourite restaurants. This is my first Saturday night off in nearly four years, after I worked my last Saturday night shift at the Newcome Arms a few weeks ago. I decided, after much deliberation, that it was time to take a step back from the pub and give up one of my evening shifts.

At fifty years old, I understand I can't keep burning the candle at both ends. With both Darrell and I working, I felt it was time to cut back and give someone else the chance to take on the busy Saturday shift at the pub. That doesn't mean I am giving it up entirely, far from it, I will still be working on a Wednesday. I love being there, and it has become an important social outlet for me. I couldn't give up this part of my life just yet; many of those who go to The Newcome have become friends, I love spending time in their company. This job was never about money, it was always about keeping connected to those I regard as close.

Tonight will be about eating good food and drinking a few glasses of wine with Darrell, the first time we have been able to do that since Darrell returned to the UK in September. After receiving his new biometric card and me reaching a significant milestone, it is time to sit back and let someone else do the work.

It has been a little over four years since Darrell was granted his Spanish residency in December 2017, and my God, a lot has happened since. In 2017, we were very much looking forward to our new life in Gran Alacant, enjoying living on the continent and the Spanish way of life. Today in 2022, we are firmly but in many respects reluctantly committed to settling in Britain; not what we planned, but at least we are together.

Today, Darrell received his UK settlement status for a second time, after what has been the most turbulent five years in our life. Darrell was originally given 'Indefinite Leave to Remain' in 2001, but after changes to immigration law, the introduction of a new biometrics card and dramatic changes to our circumstances, he was forced to reapply for the same status yet again. Living outside Australia for nearly two years, caring for Mum, only complicated our situation further. When one adds Brexit and a Worldwide pandemic into the mix, you can see, just how precarious our situation was.

Since his return to the UK in September, we have both been living under a cloud, not knowing if he would be allowed to live here permanently or not. However, after consulting a solicitor at great expense, we were able to establish a legal basis for settlement, and he was finally given back his right of abode. It has been a long, difficult journey getting here; despite our current situation, we are both determined to make the most of our life together and forge a future at least in part based in the UK.

Being around family has been amazing over the last four years, especially whilst living through a pandemic, it has given us both a reason to stay in this part of the World. We have grown close to our cousins and family in a way we haven't before and for that reason, I couldn't be happier. There is nevertheless a profound sense of disappointment that we couldn't continue our journey in Spain, and I will forever wonder what could have been. Despite the sadness we feel, we are both well aware of just how much the World has changed over the last two years in particular, and believe our life in Spain would have been cut short in any eventuality.

Today we both have the luxury of planning for yet another new future, whether on the south coast, or further afield in Lancashire, an area we know well. Neither of us know where life will take us from now, but we are determined to make the most of the opportunities we have and hope the next five years will be a little easier than the last!