Today is my year and a half anniversary living in Spain and what a year it has been. In the past, I have reviewed my time spent in Spain, at important junctures; in this entry I want to talk briefly about the way I am feeling, the emotions in have and the future for myself and Darrell, living here.

 The last eighteen months have been a rollercoaster ride. I have personally experienced more downs than ups. When you move anywhere to start a new life, you are greeted with an initial high, as you explore the delights of your new life; these first few months were akin to time spent on holiday; everything I did, was done with gusto. Like the story of my life, things never turned out the way I expected and my emotions changed, almost on a daily basis.  The plans we sowed at the beginning of our journey, did not materialise in the way we hoped they would. The emotions involved in such a traumatic break with the past, should not be underestimated; when one adds into the mix the difficulties of establishing and constructing a new life abroad,  I think it is safe to say, it has been an eventful eighteen months.

​So rather than looking back today, I am finally looking forward in a positive way. LoungeD has finally opened its doors and the future looks better now than it did. Renewed energy and focus are now my priority; happy to be facing the challenges of Managing a bar in Spain, as so many Brits have done before. I have had my own experience of running a business in the past, whilst living in the UK; my grounding in the hospitality field, will be invaluable, as I negotiate the hurdles of the future. 

It has been wonderful to see those we hold dear, coming out to stay with us in Spain. Many of the hindrances I  experienced, during my first year, living in Gran Alacant, were born out of loss. Moving abroad, does create a great feeling of loneliness, even if you are surrounded by people, in your new chosen home. I spent a lot of time missing friendships that I had made over numerous years; many of them a generation old or more. Facing up to what had I left behind was a huge mountain to climb. The wonders of social media, has taken the edge off annexation, but this level of contact, still isn't the same as a face to face connection. Seeing people in the flesh, spending good quality time with them, has been a real bonus; I am grateful they came to see us. Other friends are still due to come and stay; personally, for me, the more the better; it has helped with my sense of well being, state of mind and the process of adjustment.

This has been a most life changing and enhancing period for me. I made mistakes after the move to Spain, who hasn't, when making the decision to move abroad. The complications, hitches, barriers and impediments have been truly burdensome. Darrell and I still have many more hurdles to cross; however the advantages and rewards of Spanish life, do outweigh all of the anguish and discomfort; As I am frequently reminded, what would life be, without challenges; testing times maketh the man, so today I am more of a man than I have ever been.

Thanks to everyone; friends, old and new, family and colleagues,  who have been there with us, as we forged our new life in Spain; we couldn't have done it without you!

I wanted to talk a bit about television today; I have just started to watch a new comedy series from the USA; 'Superstore.'  I think the show is based on the British version, 'Trollied' and is absolutely hilarious. To be honest it is unlike me to be watching any American television, but since moving to Spain, I have done a lot of things I have never done before. The truth is, I've had a lot of time on my hands and not a lot of money, having not been working in a year, so the cheapest option, is to stay in and watch the TV.

​As banal as it seems, one of the most important issues for me, while living in Spain, is having access to British TV, without it costing a fortune. In Britain we paid a lot for television, about 70€ a month; in Spain I pay nothing and have access to far more channels than I did in the UK. Obviously things are done a little different here; as well as standard satellite, there are also a number of cable companies servicing the local area, including Grannet, Telecable and Gran Alacant TV. The costs are very similar but the standards of service do vary considerably. I choose not to pay for television at all, preferring to pay 22€ a month for wifi, through Grannet and streaming television through an android box.

​I brought the box off a man in a pub about a year and a half ago, it cost me about 80€ and came preloaded with various applications to stream live TV from many different countries, including Australia, which is great for Darrell. Currently I use Mobdro and Kodi as well as Showbox to play all the latest movies and television shows from the US and UK; everything for free; costs me nothing. Watching TV via the internet does have its challenges, especially with the wifi as it is. We often lose signal, living at the edge of a ravine; speeds can be slow and buffering a problem. I am not sure if this is an issue across Gran Alacant and can only speak for myself and what I experience. There are difficulties with the television service I receive in  Spain, but how can I really complain, when it's free. It does feel like stepping back in time in a number of respects, technology being one, but it makes this place home. I actually quite like the faults and complications that are part of the course; GA has character!

So today I am sat in front of my TV watching all 24 episodes of 'Superstore,' which is certainly putting me in touch with my American side. If you ever get the chance, give it a try and watch it and any of the four programmes pictured below. In my sanctimonious Englishness, I always refused to watch anything imported from the US; I was missing out. There are clearly some great shows out there. Wherever you are watching the box, enjoy it, never say never; If you are watching it free and gratis, even better!

I find myself with a little time on my hands today; 'best laid plans of mice and men,' to coin a phrase. No bad thing in my book, as last night was another sleepless one, for me at least. The hot weather currently descending across southern Europe; hotter, so much hotter than last year; is causing me to toss and turn all night and not in a good way. Just when you think it can't get any more humid, it does. As a person who never really liked the heat, I personally think I am adapting well, though others may disagree. There is 'something about the night' about me, refusing to leave the house, during more sunnier moments, which in Spain, is most of the time, but as one enters ones second summer living on the Costa Blanca, I am coping far better than I did last year; except at night!

Myself and Darrell tend to sleep in separate beds at the moment; a lack of sleep brought about by the heat of the night compounded by the snores of ones husband is not an option I have as yet contemplated. Darrell's snoring has been a great source of angst over the years. If Darrell lays flat on his back, the noise is unbearable. I have learned to push him on to his right side, his face against the wall; in this repose rarely a snore can be heard. One has to sleep with ones elbow extended to his side of the bed; laying flat becomes an impossibility, keeping Darrell on his side, silent, not a peep. In the UK, I would also wear ear plugs, in Spain, finding a pair, is tantamount to wasting yet another two hours of ones life, like the queue in the bank; in Spain, I just cope. The extended elbow also helps with Darrell's sleep apnoea. I am a very light sleeper; as I hear a pin drop, I can detect when Darrell stops breathing. A short sharp nudge in the back, brings him back to life. Of course sleeping separately, I just cross my fingers and hope for the best!

Myself and Darrell have very different sleeping patterns you wont be surprised to learn. We are opposites in everything we do, sleep being no exception. As an insomniac, I have to sleep in a darkened room, with no light extending through the window. Shutters down, curtains drawn to prevent a single ray of light hitting the bedroom wall. Silence is a must; doors and windows closed, to shut out any possibility of waking; normally no bad thing, but during these humid nights, making it practically impossible for me, let alone Darrell to sleep. Dozing in a sweat box, with only an old rusty fan to keep one company, blaring in ones face for the duration, isn't conducive to a good nights sleep, especially when the fans front fascia, protecting fingers and toes from the blades, keeps falling off, crashing on the marble floor twenty or so times a night.

So why not open the window or balcony door? I hear you ask! That's a simple one to answer; the Spanish wildlife! In Britain you are awoken gently by the dawn chorus; birds tweeting in the day; in fact the alarm on my phone, has a variety of British birds squawking ever louder. A relaxing, non stressful introduction to the day ahead! In Spain the crickets noisily whistle all night and day. It was a sound I used to love when I holidayed on the med in the past, an annoying tone akin to white noise now. An open window or door risks the intrusion of a cricket, that can never be found. The screeching unmistakable, their whereabouts impossible to determine. Keeping these little wonders of nature out of the house is a must!

Not only do we suffer the ravages of crickets, but we have a number of other obstacles to contend with; a ravenous mosquito population, the clicking cockroaches, the lizards, spiders as big as your hand, Palm beetles and drunken holiday makers returning from the bars; living in Spain, on the edge of a crevasse, picturesque or not, does have its downsides. All entry points for the roaches are now blocked, the windows covered in fly screens; so far all working well and I have not yet seen another threatening menace greeting me on the bedroom floor.

I have been an insomniac for as long as I can remember, up until I came to Spain, I took a number of sleeping pills, just to feel somnolent, let alone narcoleptic. Needless to say, like so may things in my life, they eventually stopped working and just made my lack of sleep worse. Taking four hours to eventually tire each night is not normal; living in Spain, has just made me more tired than ever. Laying on a bed worrying, thinking and procrastinating about my new life; fretting about not being able to sleep, making me agonize ever more; a chink of light through the curtain, unruly wildlife and a husband who remains incompatible in the bedroom, in the sleeping sense, just makes for many more wakeful, restless hours.

There is an upside to all this; I am not moaning for the sake of it; I enjoy my sleepless nights somewhat; a little less than I did, but it is my favourite time, the period when I do and think the most. In creative terms, insomnia produces great expression of thought; my overactive mind, working ever harder to record my dreams and recollections from the day. I have always worked best in the dark, inspiration built from the light of the moon. Although I sleep little, I rest enough to recharge and reset, what more can I ask for. Too much sleep is bad for the soul!

People often say to me, how do you find things to write about, well I have a lot to say to be brutally honest.  When I first started to write my first blog in April 2015, it was the start of a journey, that I never believed would end up here, where I am today, sitting on my sofa, blogging in Spain. Back in April, I had no idea what was happening to myself and my partner. Writing a blog was about taking away the boredom, whilst off work, because of a period of sickness. Of course as I know now, that illness was brought about because of the charity I worked for, so within a few short months after discovering the truth, my writing exploded. A small blog turned into a mission, writing about the horrors of corporate bullying, as I tried to come to terms with what had happened to me.

I have written nearly every day, since that time. My feelings were changing on an almost daily basis. In my view, blogging, records raw emotion; my emotions at that time, were often confused and muddled, which comes across  in the entries I wrote. Today I dislike looking back at this phase and the entries I produced; I cringe at the mixed messages, bad grammar and my state of mind. Yes, I had a lot to say, but often said too much too quickly. I was reluctant to change or edit any of the blogs I wrote back then and still am. It records a very difficult time in my life; had I not written in the way I did, I would not remember those days, in the way I should; one should always learn from what one writes!

By January 2016 we were living in Spain; I had more to say than ever. My life experiences, were making me even more determined to put words on paper. I had left a life full of turmoil, hoping to live a more stress free existence and never expected to carry on blogging in the same way. There was only so much I could say about living quietly in Spain, only so much I could say about the intense sun and Spanish lifestyle; I expected my writing to come to an abrupt end. The reality of my situation, was very different and my words became more important than ever.

The anger against the charity, I worked for,  has never subsided; if anything it has got worse, as they deny, hide and try and cover up what they were responsible for. The more they have tried to pass the buck, the more I have dug and campaigned against them. As my state of mind has improved, my determination and aggravation has also. This gave me fresh impetuous; my grammar improved, my writing style changed; I had a new sense of purpose, unrelenting in my desire to bring Oxfam to account for their actions against me and others in the charity, who were victims of bullying.

I write about my trials and tribulations back home, often in this blog, not to the extent I did in the UK, but enough to keep the injustices suffered at the time, alive; after all, it is far more important to me today; it was responsible for us moving to Gran Alacant. Spanish Views is predominantly about myself and Darrell's new life in Spain; happy and positive times; well very nearly. Like everything in life, our time living here has not been plain sailing. Many of the issues we had to deal with in Britain, have resurfaced in Spain. We are now far more aware of what transpired in our life, consequently able to pin point and recognise when it happens again. Sadly after what we have experienced, we will continue to relive these experiences in real time, as well as in the past. My writing will continue to reflect the difficulties in our life then and record and document them now.

Writing is my passion; it looks like I am going to be blogging for the duration; I always seem to have something to say. My life hasn't got any easier, moving to Spain, in fact the opposite is true. Life isn't easy; being forced to leaves ones country of origin and move abroad, because of circumstances has given me a life time of material to collate. You'll certainly be hearing from me a lot in the future!

Today's entry is for Mark, who emailed me yesterday; his email titled: 'You have a lot to say!' I hope this clarifies all the points you raised. Please keep the messages coming; I enjoy reading all your correspondence!

It's been a strange month for me; having not seen anyone from back home in a year and a half, Darrell and I have had a succession of visitors arriving at our home in Gran Alacant. It has been wonderful seeing so many friends from Southampton, who gave us the opportunity to settle into Spanish life before making the journey to Spain. Right about now, it has been great to see the important ones, the ones we care about, after what seems like a life time away, from our city roots.

It has been crucial to stay in contact, with past friendships. As someone close said to me, before we left for Spain; 'People will visit you wherever you are, no matter how far away you go!' At the time, life seemed pretty terrible; whatever anyone said, to make us feel better, I would reject out of hand. Importantly, friends have come to visit; for the first time in many years, I have been able to spend quality time with three people over the last month alone. This has been essential for my state of mind and well being. Living in a foreign country can be lonely at times, even with ones partner here and new friends around us. My old, dearest friends would always have been the first ones I would have turned to in the past, so it was wonderful they were here.

It is very strange living in a holiday resort, you see people come and go all the time, it's something you have to get used to. To see ones friends come and go in the same vein, has actually felt rather reassuring; to me that says they will return again one day, just as the holidaymakers do, year after year.

I have been able to sit down and talk about old memories, shared experiences and long since forgotten muses. To me at this juncture, in my current position, I am grateful for the past four weeks. Remembering the good, always outweighs the terrible events that brought us to Spain. Those who have come to see us, so far, have not been the ones I expected; maybe that says more about my judgement of others. The ones who promised to visit and shed a tear are also the ones, I haven't heard from yet. People have amazed me over the last eighteen months for good and bad reasons. The biggest lesson I have learned, is it isn't necessarily the ones you think will be there, who are. Some people are very good at showing empathy, just when it is needed, but most forget very quickly. I cherish memories, probably more than most; memories and photo's are all I need now, to move forward with my life. I am keeping my thoughts and recollections positive, helped along by those closest.

Not only have I seen people from back home, but others have been in contact, by the wonder of social media. I am lucky enough to be in contact with someone I grew up alongside; I lived next door to as a small child and went to the same school with. For me connecting with my youth and the past seems to be very important at the moment. I am sure there is a reason why, I just haven't found it yet. I guess moving to Spain has opened up old pathways, that have been closed for many years. I have been instrumental in reconnecting life lines that in the past, without the internet, could not have been re-established. I am a person who looks back with fondness, remembering the simpler times because today, my life isn't so easy; in fact it is damn right hard. Friends, whether in person, on the phone or through facebook have made these challenging times, much easier to cope with. I will do all I can to keep those recollections alive.

We've just got back from Alicante, after spending the day showing Gemma the sights and sounds of this beautiful city.  It was hot today, far to hot to walk around for any length of time, so while Gemma and Darrell walked up to the Castillo de Santa Bárbara, I sat in the park passing the time of day. 

I have got Gemma to contribute towards this entry today, since this was her wish to see Alicante. She even managed to take a dip in the sea, at the city beach. After a good few hours walking, we had a McDonalds on the promenade, not my choice, but certainly filled a hole.

Just finished cooking a curry for dinner while Darrell and Gemma are fixated on the TV, watching Games of Thrones!