This morning I had to take Duchess back to the vets in Portsmouth, they wanted to give her another checkup and see if there had been an improvement in her health over the weekend. To be honest, Duchess is still fine in herself anyway, she isn't ill apart from the loss of sight.

The vet took her temperature and looked into her eyes to see if there was any tail tail signs of damage or trauma that may have been caused, but she saw nothing. Talking to her, she suggested we carry on treating her for a virus and there was really very little else they can do. She has prescribed some antibiotic eye drops on top of the other medication she is also taking, in the hope she has a viral infection, rather than something more serious.

We have been told Duchess can see an eye specialist but the costs involved are huge, with a consultation starting at a thousand pounds. So we have to decide what to do next, which isn't going to be easy. All the time she is eating and drinking, there isn't really a problem, so fingers crossed she doesn't deteriorate and continues to make positive progress!

Yesterday, I woke up at 6 am as usual to go to work; whilst heading towards the bathroom, bleary eyed, I noticed our cat Duchess, acting strangely. She was bumping into things and seemed to have a complete lack of co-ordination. Concerned, I picked her up to take a closer look and to my horror, I noticed both her eyes had a cloud like film across their surface, obscuring her vision. She looked rather dazed and confused and was extremely anxious, naturally I was shocked. The day before, she was fine and her usual feisty self, Saturday she was a completely different cat!

I immediately woke up my Aunt and explained the situation; she like me was rather bemused by the whole thing and didn't understand what had happened during the night to cause such a terrible change in Duchess, including what seems to be a complete loss of sight.

While I was at work, Duchess was taken to the vets. After googling her symptoms on the internet, it was clear we had to get her assessed as soon as possible, time was important.

From what I can gather, the vet was as perplexed as we were, not knowing what had happened, but began by carrying out a series of tests to try and establish the cause.

All we know for certain, is she doesn't have Cat AIDS or Felv, that was ruled out within ten minutes of her arriving. In the interim she is being treated for an infection, which is all they can do over the weekend. She has been given a cause of antibiotics and we have to monitor her carefully, in case she becomes even more unwell than she is already. So far, she seems in relatively good spirits and is still eating and drinking as normal, although her eyes are getting more and more cloudy by the hour; all of us are at a loss as to what is really going on!

This morning I have been speaking to specialists on line, chatting in forums and searching the symptoms that Duchess is currently suffering from. I always do this, though it really does no good and just causes more anxiety. I have become aware that white cats are more susceptible to sight and hearing problems, reading about similar cases where cats have gone blind over night. I also understand cats can live long healthy lives without sight but am mindful of any worst case scenario, including a tumour and other forms of cancer. For now we have to wait and keep our fingers crossed. She is a fighter and will do her best to get through this situation, whatever the eventual outcome I'm sure!

I recently saw this heartwarming video online, it really did bring tears to my eyes. A beautiful dog rescued from almost certain death. The love shown in this beautiful animals eyes was testament to its owners dedication, throwing a lifeline to ensure this little dog had a second chance at life. Named Freddie, the hope is she will now have all the devotion and love she needs to try and live a full life. Rescuing an animal is a truly amazing thing to do and something my partner Darrell and I have done many times ourselves!

Our first rescue cat was Lily, an oriental foreign white. She was a breeding cat, kept in a cage for most of her life and badly in need of a forever home. I saw her story in a local newspaper in 2007 and immediately fell in love with her. I had seen no photographs, just a write up about her situation. After giving birth to her last litter of kittens, she suffered complications from a botched cesarean, leaving her badly scarred; as a result she acquired a hernia, which required a further operation. Her life as a breeding cat had come to an abrupt end and she was about to be euthanised when she was rescued by a local charity.

Lily was a fantastic cat, who Darrell and I loved with all our hearts. We were lucky enough to have her in our life until her death in 2017. She was extremely needy, but wonderfully loving, always close to both of us wherever we went, even travelling with us across Europe to our new home in Alicante. Her final few weeks were terribly upsetting; the bond we had with this amazing intelligent cat was so close and unforgettable, that we found it very difficult to let go. Knowing when the time is right to say goodbye is important. When I rescued her from an uncertain fate in 2007, I knew instantly it was the right thing to do, just as I knew it was time to put her down in 2018.

The memories I have with Lily will be with me always, she was a big part of my life, as any pet is. Her plight pulled at my heart strings and I was so content watching her grow after such a traumatic ordeal. Because of her past, she did have many heath problems, surviving cat flu on several occasions, when she should have died, but she was such a special girl everyone who met her, just couldn't help falling in love. When she died, we had her ashes scattered in an animal sanctuary near our villa in Spain. A part of her will always remain there and it will always be an excuse to return to our old home from time to time. I am glad she was a part of my life, I will always have her close inside, often looking at photographs and remembering the times we all spent together as a family!

A few months before Lily died we rescued two tiny kittens, while living in Spain, they were no more than five or six weeks old and it was touch and go whether or not they would live. Thankfully they survived and we were lucky enough to have Mollie and Wildling for nearly a year. Of course we would have loved to have spent more time with this wonderful brother and sister duo, full of adventure and character, even after being dumped in a garden, trying to survive in the hot Spanish sun.

When I left for Spain in May last year we reluctantly decided to have Mollie and Wildling re-homed. Our destiny was moving firmly away from Gran Alacant and it seemed unfair to uproot these two young cats and take them to a new home in the UK. The last thing we wanted to do was give up the new additions to our family, but we found them both a home together with two of our friends living an hour and a half drive away in the southern Spanish province of Murcia.

We were happy to take on Lily, Mollie and Wildling, they were all very special pets. Every rescue animal has a story to tell and suffers from the memories of a past they would rather forget. They did have their own set of problems and we did have to dedicate more time to their rehabilitation, but the love they gave in return was so precious, it was worth all the pain and heartache.

If you are thinking about re-homing a rescue cat or dog, don't think twice, you will not regret it. The time we had with all our pets was rewarding and special, there was never a dull moment. When Darrell returns from Australia we hope to once again settle down and welcome some new rescue cats into our life, until then, it is great to continue reading stories of others, doing what they can to help animals in need, just like those in the video above. Animals do indeed make a home; my life certainly wouldn't have been the same without them!

Thomas continues to grow and is looking fit, strong and healthy, as is Emmy of course; you wouldn't even know she was pregnant a few weeks ago. Cradling Thomas is becoming a little easier each time, although I am still a uncomfortable holding such a young child; my experiences of 'baby holding' is not a vocation that will win me any prizes anytime soon. Still he was rather relaxed in my arms and actually didn't cry, so I must have done something right!

In the evening I had to work a shift at the pub; Wednesday is truly a busy day for me. After spending a few hours with family, it wasn't something I was looking forward to. Already tired from my morning job, I really could have done with a few hours sleep before serving behind the bar, but needs must and no one else was going to do it for me.  It's amazing how quickly the human body can adjust itself into a alien routine if it has to. No sooner had I left the house, I was psyched up and raring to go again. I have been called a workaholic in recent times, a title I am happy to accept; nothing is for free in this World and I have spent far too long sat on my laurels!

Darrell came into the bar at 9pm to meet Garry, who I had arranged a catch up with before Darrell leaves for Australia; I left them to chat and reminisce about times gone by, while I served customers. I am not sure if Darrell will get the chance to see anyone again once he leaves, so I am doing my best to organise a few get togethers before the 3 October. By all accounts they both enjoyed the encounter, after having not seen each other for so long; at least I can cross this audience off my bucket list!

Even though QA is closer for family to navigate, it seems she has been moved to a unit that caters for mainly dementia patients, something Mum doesn't have and visiting hours are restricted for security reasons. As a rule I am only able to visit Mum in the mornings and not from 2pm as they demand on this ward. Dad is incensed that Mother has been put in such an area, believing she should be in a more appropriate department for someone in her condition; I can't help agreeing with him. The only reason she has been put here is because there were no beds available anywhere else in the complex, a terrible indictment on today's National Health Service! I have now delayed visiting Mum until I can make arrangements to do so. My work load should be a bit lighter next week, hopefully allowing me to rearrange a few appointments; fingers crossed anyway!

With time on my hands I popped into Portsmouth City with Darrell to carry out a few errands I had been putting off. We both managed some quality time together at least, a rare thing these days. After buying my Aunts Birthday present for Sunday, we grabbed a spot of light lunch at Jenny's Cafe in Charlotte Street; the first time I have been there and it wont be the last; the food was delicious!

....and finally! Duchess is growing at a rate of knots at the moment, eating everything she can get her paws on. She has a fantastic personality and is the life and soul of the household. I have never had a cat quite like her and it is wonderful to see her flourish, leaving her mark on everyone. Duchess has become an integral part of the family; without her all our lives would be that much poorer!

I have a busy weekend ahead, what with work and my Aunts 59th Birthday. My life in the UK has suddenly become extremely busy and I am relishing the new opportunities ahead. As Darrell makes his final plans to leave the United Kingdom, probably for the last time, we are both happy that my time here is secure in the short term. Whether or not he returns is a matter for both of us, but until then I will just keep working hard and striving for a better future, as all of us need to do!

Duchess seems to be settling into her new home well, she has been here for a month now and has already made herself at home. Today I took her to the vets for her last set of injections, something she didn't enjoy!

I am content to have another cat in my life, although I was rather reluctant to bond with her at the beginning; a natural reaction after losing our two long term companions a year ago and the two new kittens we rescued in Spain, in February of this year.

Our Spanish kitties, Mollie and Wildling, seen in the header above, really became an integral part of mine and Darrell's life and like him, I was devastated to let them go to their new home, even though I understood it was for their own benefit. With our life being up in the air it would have been foolish to try and keep hold of them; we understood that all too well!

Precious and Lily, our first cats were with us for many years; as much as I loved them, they were a lot of hard work. Our days did become very 'catcentric' and as a result I led a rather restricted lifestyle. Please don't get me wrong, I wouldn't change the years I spent with them for anything, but animals do take up a lot of time, time I no longer have. Moving back to the UK was only possible because I no longer had pets to care for; I have been able to do far more things as a result.

Duchess has changed my outlook again and I am becoming more grounded once more. Of course I do need to start putting down roots but am mindful of my current position. I have no real idea where I will be living in the future, this decision has not yet been made and in the short term both mine and Darrell's life will remain very much in limbo. Having a cat around is fantastic for my sense of well-being, and has reduced my anxiety dramatically since she has been here, but I have to realise my limitations. I could have to leave at the drop of a hat and may well have to cope with losing another animal at a difficult juncture.

Duchess is a character and she grows on you fast; very affectionate and loving, she invades your personal space on a daily basis, somethings cats do. She is very needy and always demands attention, so I really do not have the opportunity to distance myself from her, even if I wanted too. I have decided to embrace this new chapter in my life wholeheartedly, connecting with family, seeing friends and accepting whatever comes my way; people, places and pets. There is no point running away from life, because I may or may not decide to leave the UK; for that reason I am rebuilding in every aspect. Duchess is just another part of my new life in the UK and I am happy she is here with me on this journey, long or short!

Trisha knows just how much I love cats and decided to get a new addition to the family. She already has a cat called Bobby, who is about fifteen years old and is a bit of a grump. Like most old ladies she likes things done her way and for the most part stays rather aloof from everyone; Bobby is a real matriarch but has grown used to me being around over the last few months, even choosing to lay on the bed with me on occasion, when she wants of course. However I still miss all our cats, Precious, Lily, Mollie and Wildling; my life hasn't felt complete without them. A home is really not a home without a pet.

On Thursday Aunty Sue drove us the short distance to pick up a new kitten, a pure white cross breed, who we have named Duchess. We went to the breeders house in North End, Portsmouth, where she had two cats who had just given birth; the mother of Duchess was adorable. She was a white long haired moggy, very placid with perfect temperament and sporting two different coloured eyes. Like Aunty Trish, I fell in love with her and Duchess straight away, so she came home with us there and then.

My Aunt has bought a playpen for Duchess, while Bobby gets used to having her around; currently she is sleeping after her exhausting day. I always wonder what it is like for a kitten being taken away from its Mother. Understandably she wasn't happy being brought home in Aunty Sue's van and cried most of the way. Like all cats she will get used to her new surroundings soon enough; cats easily adapt to their new lives; as for Bobby, well, she will just have to get used to the new situation.

It feels good to have another feline in my life. I have lived around cats for many years. My last few weeks living in Spain were made all the poorer because our kittens were not there, At least they have a new home now, with people who love them, just like Duchess, who will also have the love she needs!

I am at a very positive juncture in my life at the moment, as I am sure readers to my blog are very aware. A few days ago I talked about just what I am doing now, from working two jobs and volunteering in a third; I am more than happy to keep myself occupied. Today I am lying on the bed writing, another vocation I am partial too, blogging as often as I can; for me however there are just not enough hours in the day. Since I arrived in the UK at the end of May, I have been busy, not wanting to sit around doing nothing. As a person I have always kept myself engaged, finding it very difficult to sit still, concentrating on one thing at a time. My mind tends to be rather unsettled, no sooner have I started one project, I am quickly thinking of another.

I suppose one could say I am making up for lost time and that is the real story behind my current need to keep going. When I left Spain I was suffering with depression; I had lived for two and a half years in this country and achieved very little. I wasted the time I spent here for no fault of my own. I was always in the wrong place at the wrong time, consequently I missed opportunities working for reputable bars on the Costa Blanca, because I had commitments elsewhere. Nothing seemed to work out for me in Gran Alacant, although I loved this place with a passion. I have not discounted returning to Spain, but next time it has to be at a time of my choosing, not because circumstances dictate so.

Spending a period drifting from one job to another, earning barely enough money to keep my head above water was not fun. In the end I started to resent Spain and decided it was time to leave for as long as I needed, to once again fall in love with the place. As I know now, I returned home at a crucial time, when my parents needed me most, fate had brought me back to the UK at a difficult time. I have made a conscious choice to use this period productively, in complete contrast to the years I left behind. With my husband still living on the Costa Blanca, my concentration shifted from our relationship to my own happiness, as selfish as that seems. I love my husband dearly, but intend to use these months living in Britain to forge a new direction, as yet untested, until we are reunited again.

My priority has always been getting a job, something I did pretty quickly after arriving. I just needed enough money to tide me over during my stay. Working in a local pub was perfect, but I wanted to do something else, so began working for a supermarket shortly afterwards, which has supplemented my income and allowed me to partake in a new challenge. I have never worked in a supermarket before and am actually enjoying it. I am also volunteering in a shop and also hope to start volunteering with cats in August. Since losing my two babies, Lily and Precious last year, I have been somewhat lost. These two were in my life for many years and I want to have that feline contact once again. It just so happens that my Aunt is getting a rescue cat herself and spoke to the organisation on my behalf, who said there would be opportunities available in the middle of August, which I intend to take up with gusto!

Few, that's the entire week taken up, although I still desire more. As a writer I concentrate my efforts on blogging, but have recently been in contact with a British newspaper in Spain, not too far from where I used to live. I want to resurrect my writing for the Expat community I used to be a part of and hope to be once again in the future. I have sent off my first submission for a new column and look forward to being published soon. As a columnist writing for both Spanish and English publications, I am happy to be writing in one capacity or another. I don't see journalism as a chore, I see it as a hobby, something I am always happy to do, wherever I am in the World.

This is a busy time in my life, I have a full, busy schedule, I rarely sit still these days; just the way I like it. With my Mother unwell, I need to keep my mind off the impediments we are all dealing with as a family. Staying active, walking everyday, working hard and following my dreams is the perfect way to deal with some very serious issues that plague my life at the moment. My mind does work on an 'all or nothing' basis, there is no middle ground, I just intend to keep up the momentum, until it's time to go on my travels once again!

Stressed would be an understatement; I haven't stopped worrying about this move; needless to say, my blood pressure is sky high. What many people don't understand is we have been here before. I have moved abroad on two separate occasions, returning to the UK each time. The reality of our situation is, we will both be turning up, very much in the same way we did in 1995 and 1998. I don't enjoy moving around like this, far from it, I am a homebody as a rule and not the Worlds best traveller. However, I am a lot older than 24 years old now, when I first set foot on foreign soil; I am strongly of the view, that I will appreciate it a lot more than I once did.

In 2015 we left the UK, for a new life in Gran Alacant; this was a move that caused a massive amount of anxiety and stress for both of us. We had lived in Britain for over twenty years and it was hard saying goodbye to a country we loved; well I loved far more than Darrell if I am honest. Although Darrell settled in to British life well, he never fully enjoyed his experience, especially living in such a cold climate. Coming to Spain was getting away from difficult times, a stop gap if you like, before moving on again at some stage; neither of us believed it would be so soon after moving here.

As readers of this blog know, a series of unfortunate events have together made us realise, that we have to return home sooner rather than later. Darrell's Mother is suffering from cancer and is not in a great way at the moment; we think it's only right and fair to be with her at this distressing time. Darrell is an only child; his Mother is very much on her own. Once again we are both going through testing times; we need to not only restart our life, but also begin again, without a thing in the World. This is a radical clearing out; we will be left with just memories; not a bad thing, we don't need to have so much baggage!

The last few days have been brutally testing, throwing away precious items; mainly mine it has to be said; that have been carried around with me for many years.  We have argued more than ever, become angry over the slightest hicup and feel emotionally drained, I have moved around so much in my lifetime, I really just want to settle down finally.

I have been busy selling what objects I can on the 'Buy and Sell Gran Alacant' facebook page. Thankfully I have managed to offload quite a few. This is a much easier task, than it was, living in Southampton, I don't have the same level of emotional attachment to things now. The only things that are important are photographs and memories; we both need to move forwards, far away from the places we used to call home. For most people Expat life is a dream, for us it is born from a nightmare and will hopefully be our saving grace; if not we move on again!. 

I wanted to say a particular thank you to Rob, Pam from Zests husband, who has been round today helping me clear items and purchasing some for himself. I think he was amazed by the amount of stuff we still have; if he had seen us in Southampton before we came here, he would have been in shock. As I sit here typing away, looking around this emptying room, I am still amazed at the stuff I still have left; I really was a collector in every sense of the word. Today is the start of something new; something that doesn't involve collecting and weighing myself down....Actually it is quite liberating throwing everything away. Today all my my suits, ties and dress shirts headed to the bin; I'm certainly not going to need them anymore!

5 April 2018

I had a terrible nights sleep last night, thinking constantly about our two feline friends. Both Darrell and I feel so guilty about what we have done. We have never given away a pet in our life together. We are feeling particularly down, after forming a close bond with Mollie and Wildling and the reality is, it has put us off having anymore animals in the future. They didn't ask to be given away and loved unconditionally, as all animals do. They were a big part of our life and have left a void, large enough to fill a cattery. Wounds do heal in time; but with the difficulties of our current situation, we are mindful it isn't going to be a quick process.

Big hugs to you both, Darrell and I will always miss you. I hope you both have a happy and fulfilled life, as I know you will with Kayleigh; I couldn't think of a better Mum!