Today, I have finally achieved another weight loss goal. Since October 5th 2021, I have been on a calorie controlled diet, not a keto or one of those fad diets, but just a good old-fashioned calorie counting weight loss programme. With a little help from my 'nutracheck' app, I have managed to lose nearly 20 kg, going from 100 kilos last year to 77.9 kilograms today. For me, that is a huge undertaking; I used to have a BMI of 43, through careful eating and an active lifestyle, that has now fallen to 24.6. I am no longer obese, I am a normal healthy weight, although still at the higher end of normal…. I can cope with that; I am just happy to feel fit again, without the aches and pains I have suffered with in the past. Getting out of bed is a dream, walking has become easier, and I no longer get out of breath walking upstairs.

My weight has always tended to yo-yo over the years, I have literally been every size you can imagine and everything in-between. I have been on many diets, but never really achieved a sustainable weight, that I was able to maintain. Of course, I am hoping this time will be different, but I am also under no illusions, as to just how difficult it will be, to stay at 77 kilos.

I have downloaded the 'nutracheck' application on my phone and use it to keep track of the calories I eat on a daily basis. Through a barcode scanner, I am able to accurately establish my intake of food and drink daily, make adjustments where necessary and also take account of any exercise and activity I undertake. This app has been amazing at keeping me on the straight and narrow, preventing me from deviating from my weight loss goal too much. It has also allowed me to track my changing weight and other health indicators, making it the ideal diet companion.

This time I was determined not to make the same mistakes of the past. I have allowed myself to eat treats now and again, not every day, but on occasion, when I fancy something a little different. Also, when eating out, I have put no restrictions on what I consume, not always opting for the healthiest option. This has worked well for me and as a result I have rarely craved food, in the same way I used to.

Tonight I am going out for a meal at 'Yan Woo,' in Portsmouth, one of my favourite restaurants. This is my first Saturday night off in nearly four years, after I worked my last Saturday night shift at the Newcome Arms a few weeks ago. I decided, after much deliberation, that it was time to take a step back from the pub and give up one of my evening shifts.

At fifty years old, I understand I can't keep burning the candle at both ends. With both Darrell and I working, I felt it was time to cut back and give someone else the chance to take on the busy Saturday shift at the pub. That doesn't mean I am giving it up entirely, far from it, I will still be working on a Wednesday. I love being there, and it has become an important social outlet for me. I couldn't give up this part of my life just yet; many of those who go to The Newcome have become friends, I love spending time in their company. This job was never about money, it was always about keeping connected to those I regard as close.

Tonight will be about eating good food and drinking a few glasses of wine with Darrell, the first time we have been able to do that since Darrell returned to the UK in September. After receiving his new biometric card and me reaching a significant milestone, it is time to sit back and let someone else do the work.

Today, I am nursing a slight hangover, after saying goodbye to 2021 and welcoming in the new year. I am not in the habit of celebrating New Year's Eve these days, especially at the moment, with the new Omicron variant on the rise, but I did nevertheless have a few drinks with family after work.

Like most people, I will be glad to see the back of this horrible year and, rather like 2020, confine it to the bin of history. Of course, despite the challenges, I have personally faced this year, I am also aware of just how important 2021 was to Darrell and me, as we were reunited once again.

Both of us had been planning for Darrell's return for a good number of months, before he arrived in the UK. Darrell had to be sure that Mum was fit and able to be left, and her cancer was under control and manageable while he is in Britain. Once he was confident in her ability to look after herself, he had to get the correct paperwork in place, from the Australian government, that would allow him to leave the country. With Britain operating on an almost normal level, I can't emphasise enough just how Draconian the restrictions down under were and still are. Darrell had to sign a document, agreeing to not return to Australia for at least three months. This was a difficult undertaking for him, considering his Mother's health. However, he had no option but to return before his visa allowing him to live and work in the UK expired. With plans in place, Darrell returned home in September.

2021 was another year dominated by the ongoing pandemic. Anyone who thought the virus would have been eradicated by now, would be sorely disappointed. Today, as I write this entry, record numbers of people are falling ill with COVID, yesterday nearly 190,000 alone. It seems that most only have mild symptoms from the Omicron variant, but this is an awful lot of people self-isolating, and it can't be sustained forever.

I am lucky enough to have had both my vaccinations, and the booster in late November. I have also had my flu jab and a Pneumonia vaccination, so I am as protected as I can be. Working in a busy supermarket, I am well aware of the importance of wearing masks, sanitizing my hands and protecting myself; despite this, colleagues, friends, and family continue to fall ill every day; thankfully, thus far, I have been fine – not even a cold!

There have been so many sad stories this year, from friends who have lost loved ones to the virus and others who continue to battle its effects. In some respects, I have become numb to the suffering around me and just carried on working as best I can. It isn't that I don't care, it's just a mechanism I have adopted, to allow me to cope with the terrible circumstances we are all living through. If I constantly dwelled on the hardship, I would never leave the house; life has to go on!

My priority has been for myself, Darrell and my family. When Darrell arrived in the UK, he was luckily double vaccinated, having been one of the first group of people to receive their vaccines, when Australia had barely vaccinated a few hundred thousand people. Despite this, he has had difficulties with paperwork and documents, including his status on his British health records. With the Government pushing the boosters ever harder, pleading with people to get their third jab as soon as possible, we both decided he should start the vaccination process all over again here in the UK. In December, he had another injection and will have to have yet another one in a few months time. This was the quickest and best course of action we could take, to ensure he remained safe as Omicron ravages the country.

2021 has also been a year dominated by my health. With a growing list of symptoms and ailments and my anxiety levels high, I have pushed further and harder for answers. Yes, I do suffer with health anxiety, but the pain I experience is real. It may well also be functional in nature, at least in part, but the effects it has on my wellbeing is immeasurable. For these reasons, I need to understand just what processes are at work.

Luckily, despite the pandemic, I did manage to have various procedures completed, that I have been waiting for, for a long time. During the summer, I had my gallbladder removed, which had been causing a huge amount of discomfort. Since its removal, I have never felt better, and I am just thankful I badgered and harassed the clinicians and Doctors to get this operation done.

I also had a gastroscopy, which also answered a few more questions about my gastrointestinal health, and I could once again start to live a normal life with the right treatment. There are many other niggles and annoyances I want dealt with; with the pandemic a major concern and restrictions commonplace, it seems inevitable that I will have to wait a little longer for these to be carried out. I hope I can finally see the back of them in 2022; only time will tell if that's the case!

With both Darrell and I working, we are beginning to make plans for the future. 2021 has been about dreams and aspirations; living through a pandemic has made us reassess our future plans. As a couple there is still a lot of travelling we would like to do, but our priorities have changed somewhat and acquiring a permanent home, here in the UK, seems to be our biggest challenge.

Living with my Aunt has allowed me to save consistently; during COVID, I have saved even harder, and that has actually meant all the difference in deciding our future. With a healthy bank balance, both of us would like to invest in a new home soon, maybe as soon as 2022. We are quite comfortable living with my Aunt, so luckily there is no rush to purchase anything yet. The circumstances of 2021 has allowed us to build up capital at a time when others are sadly struggling. The Coronavirus era has been a lucrative time for us; I don't want to sound uncaring about others who have suffered, but we have been left in a fortunate position, that will hopefully help us secure our future. Neither of us have made any firm plans about where we would like to be based in Britain, but having money has given us options, that we wouldn't otherwise have had.

This year I reached the grand old age of 50, not a milestone I was looking forward to with any sense of glee. However, my Aunt organised a party that I will always remember. This was yet another event Darrell wasn't able to attend, second to our 25th anniversary in 2020. It is sad that we have had to live separate lives for so long, due to a situation beyond our control, but it has taught us the importance of resilience during testing times. Together, we remain as strong as ever and can be proud of everything we have achieved.

2021 has been a difficult twelve months, but it has been a year of hard work and progress. I don't have the social life I once had; I no longer travel the World, as I would like; but I am continuing to build the foundations both of us need for success in the future. No one can predict what will happen in 2022, but my guess is, more of the same, and I will be writing something very similar this time next year. On average, pandemics have a lifespan of four to five years, so I believe these tumultuous times have more to give. As long as we use these austere months for personal enrichment and advancement, I feel sure we will reach our goals and begin to live life again in the best way we can.  I look forward to the day when society returns to normal, masks are cast aside and social distancing is a thing of the past, until then we wait, wonder and ponder what comes next; nothing lasts forever, everything happens for a reason, even a pandemic!

After a little over two months, I have achieved my weight loss target of two stone. Today I weigh 85 kilograms, down from 97.6, just a few weeks ago. Actually when I stepped on the scales this morning, I was a rather pleasing 84.5 kilograms, no mean feat, after trying to lose excess fat, on and off for years. I have sadly always had an ongoing battle to control my waist size, since I was a teenager and no matter how much I've tried, I've never really got to my ideal 'normal' weight. So today is a great day for me, and although I have a little more left to lose, I am happy to be healthier and in much better shape, especially at fifty years old.

You wouldn't believe how many diets I have tried and although some succeeded, to differing degrees, I have never managed to keep the pounds off and have gained weight faster than I lost it in the first place. I suppose if one looks at my fight against fat, one can see the reasons for the numerous gastrointestinal issues I suffer with today.

I eat because I am depressed, down or suffer with anxiety. Immediately, I reach for the block of cheese in the fridge or the biggest bar of chocolate I can find. My relationship with food is complicated and my state of mind is the biggest factor in why I eat the way I do and gain or lose weight as a consequence.

Living apart from my husband over the last few years, during the middle of a pandemic, has been a struggle if I am honest. Since I returned home from Spain, I have suffered from a growing list of health problems; when one factors in the loss of my Mum and Great Aunt, my Mothers-in-law's ongoing cancer and our continual battle with the Home Office and immigration, one can see, just how difficult life has been. Comfort eating has always been a concern, but since the beginning of October, I have managed to break that psychological link between head and stomach.

My weight loss journey has been helped by having a friend, who is also on a diet; she has been with me every step of the way. We regularly post our weight on WhatsApp, which more than motivates me to carry on and keep it up. This has indeed been a deeply personal quest, but it has also been a joint effort, between two people who decided enough was enough.

I do feel so much better; I can walk faster, go up and down stairs without getting out of breath and despite eating fewer calories, I have far more energy than I used to. I get tired less, enjoy the food I eat more, and can literally feel the difference in my body. Cutting out fat, processed food, cheese, refined sugar and unhealthy snacks has been an eye-opener. I have not missed any of the things I used to eat and more importantly I haven't denied myself anything; I have just learnt to control portion sizes. Unlike previous diets, I have eaten out, enjoyed home cooked meals and eaten a dessert if it is on the menu. The only real difference is, I don't do it all the time and rejoin my diet the day after; luckily it seems to have paid off, and I feel fitter and healthier than ever.

I'm not over yet; I still have a few more kilos to lose, but I am more or less there, having achieved the last two goals I set for myself. By Christmas, I will be at my preferred weight and I can celebrate fully, like everyone else, for just one day. This has been a challenge I have relished, especially at such a testing time in my life, but I have embraced it with gusto and hope to maintain what I have achieved, in contrast to diets of the past. At my age, I want a healthy future and an end to weight related ailments. The older I get, the more aware of my own mortality I become; all of us need to do what we can, to stay fitter and stronger for longer. I want productive and prosperous years ahead, and this weight loss program is just the beginning of that process!

It has been a particularly difficult time for me recently, with regard to my IBS. The pain I experience tends to come and go in intensity, but I am always aware it is there. It isn't soreness in the traditional sense, but rather a discomfort that does make my life harder. Of course, the symptoms do wax and wane with my general well-being, but they are a constant in my life, that just won't go away. If I am feeling anxious, the symptoms are magnified, and I can be doubled up in pain, unable to complete daily tasks as I would like. At the moment, I seem to have more negative indicators than usual, and I am being left debilitated and exhausted.

The strict calorie control diet I have been following, seems to have made my IBS worse than ever, and I can only put that down to eating more fruit and vegetables, which doesn't always agree with my constitution. Anything that ferments in the stomach causes side effects, and it appears this is what is happening. I have lost an awful lot of kilos on this weight loss programme, but I have had to make sacrifices in the process. The hope is, I can get back to eating a more IBS friendly diet soon, which should help the soreness settle down; until then I will just have to battle on, until I have reached my goal, which is only a few kilograms away.

This week I had my third COVID vaccine booster, something I was glad to do and in many respects looking forward to. Unlike anti-vaxxers, I want to get back to normal and live my life, rather than continually hiding away from this deadly virus. Whether we take the vaccine, is a personal choice, but, why oh why wouldn't you?

My appointment on Thursday was at Laly's Chemist, near Guildhall Walk in Portsmouth, and it was organised perfectly. I went straight into a room, where I was given the Moderna vaccine in my left arm. This was a bit of a surprise as I thought all booster doses would be Pfizer, but according to the nurse, Moderna had also just been approved by the government. The two different types were being used that day, and it was just pot luck that I had been given the one I had. Moderna is similar to Pfizer in regard to the low temperatures it has to be stored, and I was asked to wait for fifteen minutes before leaving the pharmacy, after the jab.

Many of those who had their third dose of the vaccine, have suffered far more adverse effects compared with the previous two, so I was expecting the worst. I did suffer a little more, but nothing like those friends I had spoken to. There weren't any specific symptoms, but I just felt low, down and under the weather for a few hours; after a good night's sleep, I was back to my old self once again.

I am grateful for receiving my COVID booster, especially as we enter the cold winter months. My hope is, it will afford me adequate protection for the next six months at least. I have a feeling we will all have to get a vaccination every six months in order to beat this virus, in the short term at least. I fail to understand why anyone wouldn't want to get one, but unlike Austria, who has just made vaccines mandatory, I don't think we should be forcing anyone to have a jab if they don't want it. It is a choice what we put into our bodies, and it is up to us if we want to take a measured risk at this time. My fear is many will discover the benefits of the vaccine too late, when they have lost loved ones or fall ill themselves. It is up to us to reject conspiracy theories and accept the scientific advice.

This week, Darrell has started work, after being in the country for a little over two months. We have had a lot of problems getting him to where he is today, because of the 'biometric card' requirement. In order for him to work, he has to prove his immigration status, which he only has in paper form, issued in 2001. Everywhere he applied to work, rejected his application, because he couldn't provide the correct information. Luckily, my employer went out of their way to contact the Home Office and get an alternative letter, allowing him to prove his right to work and thus start his new job at the same supermarket where I work.

My employer went that extra mile to help Darrell work again, and I can't say enough, how grateful I am. This says much about them as employers and shows their commitment to staff and their families. The agonizing wait, passed from pillar to post between employer and Home Office, was stressful and anxiety inducing at times, but with determination we have finally managed to get him to a stage where he can actually work again.

This is another weight off my mind, and maybe it will help ease my ongoing IBS symptoms. One less worry makes for one less day dealing with this debilitating syndrome. My stress levels do seem to have dominated my life for the last six months or so, and it's time I looked for a new approach to dealing with it. I am working on a long term future plan, that will finally allow me the freedom to live life in a more harmonious way, all I need now is the opportunity to put it into practice.

And finally…

Darrell celebrated his 49th Birthday yesterday, and it was nice to have him here, the first time in many years. Unlike Birthdays of the past, we just had our friend Ramona over and a Chinese takeaway. Neither of us are in the mood for big celebrations and boozy nights out; so with a mug of Bovril and some chocolate cake, we saw in the last year of his forties and looked forward to a better year ahead. Let's hope the World returns to normal and all of us can live again!

It's been a week of mixed feelings if I am honest; there has been more downs than ups sadly, but I have had a week off and been making the most of my time.  This is really my last segment of annual leave before next year, so I decided to do very little. I haven't done anything taxing or challenging, but just relaxed, taken time out and  made the most of my time with Darrell.

The beginning of the week started well enough, then on Thursday Darrell, my Aunt and I went to see Dad at home in Titchfield. Once again, this was the first visit in a while, due to the ongoing pandemic. My Father, although fit and well, is still of an age, where he should take more care, especially around other people. The potential for COVID infection is high and for this reason alone, I do limit the visits I make to see him, not wanting to subject him to potential harm. Nevertheless, it was great to see him and give him his Birthday card and present, celebrating his 73rd in a few days.

We had a lovely meal out at Titchfield Mill, just round the corner from his house, and chatted over good food and a few drinks.

Going home to the place of my birth is always a challenge, I am not the greatest fan of village life. Since leaving home, I have spent most of the time living in cities or by the coast in different areas of the World. Titchfield, is not really my destination of choice, but Dad has lived there all his life and has never really ventured outside the village. For him, it is home, and a very comfortable one at that.

I have always felt safe and secure there, and in many respects it does hold some special memories for me. I had a very happy childhood, but my teenage years were rather different and for that reason, this small village on the south coast of England, isn't my favourite place to visit.

There are of course still many memories of Mum around the house, which is comforting, but it does also evoke happier times when Mum was alive, and that can hurt. Dad does, however, seem to have come to terms with her untimely death and has managed to rebuild his life in a positive and fulfilling way. He is doing more today than he has done in many years, even managing to go on holiday to Yorkshire this year. I am proud of just what he has achieved in the face of adversity, as I know we all are.

The day after visiting Dad, I was given some news I had been waiting for. The Doctor phoned me in the morning to tell me my 'FIT' test result had come back positive. A 'FIT' test measures the amount of blood in the gastrointestinal tract. Normally there is only a small amount, but with a positive result, it was clear there was far more than there should be, and I will now have to undergo further tests, to discover just what is going on.

I have been suffering from blood loss for a little over a month now, so this result was really no surprise, but it is deeply concerning for me. I have always put my stomach and bowel issues down to IBS, but with bleeding and a change in bowel habits, there is a risk something else is going on. At fifty years old, I am well aware I am in a dangerous age category, where I am more susceptible to conditions that I wouldn't be otherwise. I am always proactive in getting tested for any potential areas of concern and now, at least, looking after myself, unlike the last 49 years.

Even though I have now lost over two stone in weight and have gone from obese to nearly normal weight, I am mindful of the challenges ahead. We are entering a more dangerous phase of COVID-19 and as a fifty-year-old man, I need to look after myself; Thankfully I will get my booster on 25 November. I am also trying hard to stick to a healthy diet, keep my weight down and stay as fit as I can for the long winter months.

Times really are still tough, and I remain apprehensive for the future, but I am doing all I can to protect myself and others and continue to wear a mask in a public setting  and socially distance when possible. On top of this, Darrell should also be able to apply for his booster jab in a month, despite being vaccinated in Australia. With him also starting a new job this week, it is essential we both continue to remain as safe as we can; during uncertain times, it is important to follow advice and take precautions. I aim to survive the oncoming storm and do not relish the opportunity of having COVID once again; All of us need to do the right thing!
 
Have a great week, y'all!

Being preoccupied with work recently, has been an absolute God send. At times, I moan about all the extra shifts I've taken on, complaining about how tired I am and how I should relax a bit more. However, it is my choice to take on any extra hours and if I am honest, I not only enjoy it, but it also helps me deal with the pressures I am under at the moment. I am fortunate to be doing jobs  I love, working with people who I adore and always have time for. My colleagues listen to my tales of woe and also lift me up when I am feeling down; God knows there have been a lot of days like that over the last month or so.

Whether I am working in the Newcome Arms, or in the local supermarket, I am just thankful to be employed, especially during this enduring pandemic. There has been moments of fun and laughter also, even while working in busy and challenging environments. Halloween has been a fantastic opportunity to let my hair down, despite working in my various roles. Dressing up and getting involved has been a real stress reliever. For a brief period of time, I have been able to forget about my own issues and concentrate on living in the moment. I am comfortable being in other people's company, chatting and soaking up the atmosphere at such a magical time of year.

It has been difficult stepping back from Zerina and the rest of the volunteers, even for a short while. This was my time, a day for me to enjoy the company of like-minded individuals and be who I want to be.  Darrell, however, has started to work there himself, while I am unable to, and that makes me happy, keeping that link alive while I do what I have to do.

As I begin a well-earned break and a short period of annual leave, I was able to pop into the shop in Commercial Road to say hi to everyone, and it felt like coming home. You have to remember this was the first place I started to work at, back in 2018. These were the first people I interacted with, after returning from Gran Alacant and the job that helped me restart my life in the UK. Naturally I have a strong affection for Cancer Research and everyone who works there and will most certainly be back in the future.

Despite my work commitments, I have managed to spend some valuable time with family, even if it was brief. My Aunt threw a Halloween party for the grandchildren and friends, and it was a great afternoon. It is events like this that make for noteworthy memories; without the kids, cousins and friends, my life would be all the poorer. At fifty years old, I have realised the significance of my kin folk and having them around. It is true, I have never been a big family man; there are periods I just want my space and time for Darrell and me, but I am well aware of how richer my life is with them in it.

It is important to note my continued battle with weight loss at this point. I am well aware I haven't been easy to live with since the beginning of October. When I began my quest to lose a few kilograms, I was well aware of the multiple times I have tried to diet in the past, all without success. On the 4th October I weighed nearly a hundred kilograms, today I weigh 89 kg, which is nearly a loss of two stone. It has been hard sticking to a strict calorie controlled diet, especially with all the stress I have, but surprisingly I have continued to follow my programme. This certainly isn't something I could maintain indefinitely, especially with all the work I have to do, but it is an encouragement to reach my goal of a 15 kg weight loss by the end of this month.

On top of this, I have had to endure the spectre of a reoccurring health issue, that has resurfaced after a long break. I am currently taking antibiotics for Diverticulitis, and they have rather knocked me for six. After seeing three Doctors in just two days and undergoing test after test, the results of which I am still waiting for, I have been given a course of two strong antibiotics, which have turned my stomach inside out; not great when you have IBS. Today I am having a semi fasting day and trying to manage my symptoms as best I can. My stomach is a lot calmer than it was, but still doesn't feel right.

Going out last night, with my old college friend Ramona, probably didn't help my IBS, but it's been five months since we saw each other and a long-overdue visit was in order. Darrell, Ramona and I popped down to Gunwharf Quays for a meal at Bella Italia, not part of my weight loss regime, but necessary nonetheless.

Neither of us have seen many friends, over the last few years, especially with the pandemic; it was important for us to start making time for those we regard as close and begin spending quality time with each other again. Like us, Ramona has had her fair share of ups and downs, so sharing our experiences helps, when we are going through hard times. It's always great to see Ramona, someone I have known for thirty years, she understands me more than anyone I know apart from Darrell and has always been an integral part of my life. She is the one person I can count on, while the rest of the 'hangers on' disappeared, usually up their own ar*es, and I thank God she remains firmly in my life.

....And finally...

There's a new cat in the house, Ragner the Ragdoll… He is absolutely adorable and the perfect addition to my Aunts household. If I had my way, I'd have hundreds of cats, so this twelve-week-old boy is just the icing on the cake, especially for my Aunt, who he absolutely loves. As a pedigree, he has a character and personality like no other, and I know he will give all of us joy at the end of a hard day's work. Cats are the biggest destresser I know, and he is already helping with the anxiety I feel on a daily basis!

... Things can only get better!

I've had what can only be described as a rollercoaster of a week; it feels like my feet haven't touched the ground and I have had no time to relax. I am doing a lot of overtime, whilst having to support Darrell during his time in the UK. This interim period, before he gets his biometric card, is going to be tough. I will have to work a lot more than I usually do, and already I work long hours. Still I am managing to stay afloat and more importantly able to continue saving money each month.

Tomorrow, Darrell travels to Cumberland House in Southampton, to have his biometric information taken. This includes fingerprints, and photographs. This is the beginning of a process to allow him to gain employment, simply, without having to provide evidence obtained when he was granted 'Indefinite leave to Remain' in 2001. Both of us just want to get back to normal and rebuild our life together in the UK.

With all the work I am doing at the moment, I haven't had a lot of time to do anything else. However, I am continuing on my weight loss programme, which I started exactly two weeks ago. So far I have gone from a weight of 97.7 kg to a far more respectable 93 kg. That's a loss of 4.7 kg, or approximately 10 pounds. That's not bad for fourteen days.

Comparing this diet to others I have followed in the past, I am well aware of the significant weight loss I experience during the first month of eating healthier. The hardest part is afterwards, getting my weight down to its ideal level and maintaining it long term. I have gone from obese to overweight, which is great news. My BMI is now below thirty, I am on track to achieving my first goal of 89 kg in weight by the end of the month.

I am determined not to make the mistakes of the past, and I am not being as strict with food intake as I once was. I am following a calorie control diet and not a keto, or one of those 'fad' diets, as I believe that is the best way to lose weight in a measured sustained way. Every day, I take a vitamin D tablet and start by eating plenty of fresh fruit, with porridge. I continue to eat fruit throughout the day, with every meal I have and no longer eat cheese, chocolate or processed food and refined sugar. Having changed my whole outlook dramatically, I am pleased the results are showing already.

Keeping my calorie intake to a minimum has been a challenge, but using my new 'nutracheck' app at a cost of £3.99 a month, I have been able to stick to my daily goals. This fantastic app, allows me to scan product barcodes into my phone and immediately tell me how much I am eating, allowing me to adjust my calorie intake accordingly. Modern technology has been a great tool during this diet this time around. Seeing statistics in a graph on my phone is spurring me forwards to get those desired results. At fifty years old, I need to be more health conscious and at the moment at least, I have the will power to achieve that ambition.

This week we also bought an exercise bike, which in itself, is proving to be a challenge. I am managing to do ten minutes on a regular basis, but that is hard work for a novice; I am someone who just doesn't do exercise. On top of this I do a minimum of ten thousand steps a day, running around in my job, so manage to do more than my quota of daily exercise. Of course, I hope to improve on this, but for a person who used to think moving a cigarette from the ashtray on my belly to my mouth was a workout, I don't think I'm doing too badly.

Another busy week beckons, with even more extra hours than usual. I have been told to take it easy and listen to my own body, not overdoing it too much. Nevertheless, I am having to go that extra mile and that is understandable. When I look back at this entry in six months time, I hope Darrell will be working, I will be far slimmer, and we are both enjoying life, just a little bit more… After all, life is for living right? Let's live it to the max!

September seems to be a busy month around here. There are numerous Birthdays, our anniversary, and the last of the summer sun to enjoy, before winter sets in. It was great to see old friends and new, also, as the last of the pandemic restrictions were finally lifted, life has started to get back to normal; more social interaction and time with family and friends has once again become a feature of everyday life. With Darrell returning home this month as well, life has suddenly got even more vivacious than usual. Despite having three weeks off, I have been busy every day and never seem to find the time to just sit down and chill!

On Saturday, we celebrated my Aunty Trisha's Birthday. For the first time in God knows how long, I had a few pints. This isn't something I would usually do if I am honest, especially after past experiences. IBS has prevented me from doing many of the things I would like, including drinking, but I felt it was time to see if my rather delicate constitution could handle it and luckily enough, I have no problems to report. This was a surprise to me, but since my gallbladder removal, my life has slowly been getting back to normal and the pain I experienced in the past is no longer there.

Since my operation in April, I have sadly started to put on weight again. The digestive conditions I suffered from, have subsided, and I have started to indulge in the things I used to like, including my downfall, cheese. When I weighed myself this morning, I was a horrifying 99.4 kg, this is a huge leap from the 93.5 kilos I was before my operation; it's time to start eating healthy again.

Despite the discomfort I experienced with gallbladder disease, the pain actually prevented me from eating a lot of things that were bad for my health. High fat food was always a no no, chocolate as well, and too many carbs would also cause problems. You can deduce from this, that my diet was actually far healthier than it is now; all I have to do, is change my eating habits once again.

Watching 'This Morning' today, there was a segment on weight gain, especially round the midriff. After doing a calculation they suggested, determining your ideal waist size, by dividing your height by two, it was clear I was actually five inches bigger than I should be; I've seriously got to start losing weight!

My Aunt had a fabulous Birthday, surrounded by a few close friends and family. We all chatted the night away, talking about the old days and listening to music from a bygone era. I haven't had many opportunities to spend time with my Aunt on her Birthday over the years, so it felt good to be a part of her day. Family is precious and even during the darkest times in our life, we should cherish the memories they bring.

Making arrangements for Darrell's resettlement in the UK and seeking advice from solicitors over his immigration status, has taken priority over the last few weeks. However, we have managed to spend a little time walking and relaxing, in between the mountain of paperwork and collection of documents. Having now employed a solicitor, we look forward to a speedy end to our current predicament. A long, five-mile walk around Portsmouth to the sea front in Southsea, has not only been energising, but it has also taken our minds off pressing matters.

At the height of the pandemic, I used to walk daily, up to ten miles at a time. As restrictions eased, and I spent more time at work, I became less and less active. Walking five miles, was half what I was used to, but I found it extremely difficult. Nevertheless, the weather was perfect, which made for an enjoyable experience.

Now Darrell is back, I would like to do more exercise, but I have a feeling I will be working more than ever. Until he is able to work himself, I will have to take on extra shifts. Once employed, I will be able to take a step back somewhat and not work so hard. My hope is, we will both be able to take on a more active lifestyle. I have to keep reminding myself, that I am in the final seven days of a three-week break from work, so have piled on the pounds, more than I usually would. Once I get back into a routine, the weight should hopefully start dropping off again.

It was great to end the week with friends and colleagues from work. Darrell and I have been through so much in recent times, that a few hours with those closest was just what the Doctor ordered. Drinks, food and chatter, was a welcome break from the difficulties of the last fortnight. It was a fantastic evening, thoroughly enjoyable and made a pleasant change, from worrying about things I literally have no control of.

I am a worrier by nature, which is also why I write. Anything that helps me take my mind off things that may be bothering me, is perfect for helping me to wind down and relax. I have been told by my Doctor many times before, that the IBS symptoms I suffer with daily, is due to my constant worrying. An evening out with friends, even if I am indulging in food and drink that would normally cause havoc with my digestion, is a great healer; that can only be a good thing.

Since Darrell returned to Britain, life has begun to get back to normal, well as normal as it can at the moment. Having my husband home has done wonders for my psychological wellbeing and has allowed me to see a future, where once there was none. Dining out with friends, together, may seem small to some, but to me, it signifies continuity and that is important for both of us. After such a negative period in our life, we can finally begin the process of restarting where we left off nearly two years ago. This month signals the beginning of a new chapter and a desire to succeed; only time will tell if the 'pandemic years' will have any lasting effect. The hope is, we will forget the last few years, put the dark days behind us and begin to finally live again!