分类: Weight Loss Health

I have a feeling, I'm not in a great place at the moment. Generally I am feeling pretty unwell — nothing specific, but just a feeling of constant malaise. I just can't put my finger on what is wrong, but I get like this from time to time. IBS has once again reared its ugly head and overtaken my life.

I have suffered from this bloody condition for years; I have great periods when I am pain free, as well as deeply difficult days. I say days, but these flare-ups can last for months, and they really do knock me for six. It's just a feeling, but I think this is going to be a long one for me. I have already begun the process of eliminating certain foods, looking for suitable medication, and more importantly, trying to deal with this god awful thing once and for all.

Being very bodily aware, I knew something was wrong a little over a week ago. I have been having real problems sleeping, so I bought some Magnesium Glycinate to help. I have never tried this stuff before, but after reading about it, it appeared on paper at least, to be just what I was looking for. Surviving on just a few hours sleep each night, even though I am using Melatonin, has been debilitating. I am still waking up at 3am every morning, unable to get back to sleep. This form of magnesium is highly recommended for an insomniac like me, but it just hasn't agreed with my IBS and I have been left doubled over in pain.

Today I awoke at 2.30am and have been awake ever since. For this reason I wasn't even going to blog today, but I felt I had to, just to get some feelings off my chest. A few days after taking the magnesium supplement, I have feeling terrible. My body literally feels like it is shutting down. I have severe abdominal cramps, pain under my left rib, nausea and terrible backache. I have felt this bad before, but not for a long time. As someone who suffers from health anxiety, I have been googling, trying to find answers, to my current state of health and this has just made me feel so much worse.

From kidney failure, gastritis and pancreatitis, to cancer, I have died multiple times this week, as I try to find out why I am feeling so bad. I am sure deep down this is IBS, but as ever, something is telling me to delve deeper, nothing is quite as it seems.

One of the biggest problems with IBS, is the inability to believe that the pain you are suffering from isn't causing physical damage to your organs. The discomfort is that bad at times, you feel like you are dying. I have had every test going over the years, yet Doctors have found nothing. I am just left with a nondescript, vague diagnosis of IBS and told to get on with my life, no matter how hard that is.

This week I have been tired, fatigued, in tremendous pain, and in a very bad place mentally. IBS isn't psychosomatic as many would believe, it is a real, debilitating, agonising diagnosis that never gives up. Unlike other illnesses, IBS has no cure or end date. There isn't even a test to tell you, you have it. The whole diagnosis is based on a process of elimination. When everything else is ruled out, including the more sinister diseases, you are finally given your IBS label. This is a tag you live with for the rest of your life. You have good days and bad days, but when they are bad, they are the worst — nothing compares to IBS pain, and you never truly learn to live with it.

With this terrible week at an end, I am able to lay here on the sofa, with a water bottle on my belly, writing my thoughts down. The best medicine for me is the ability to share my musings with you. The release I feel as I write is unbelievably healing, and I am just grateful to be able to do it.

If you suffer from IBS, like me, you'll understand my pain, and if you ever need a chat, just drop me a message, I'm always here. Chatting about this condition with people who understand the symptoms, is a lifeline at times of great stress. Nobody, including my husband, really understands just what I am going through and for that reason, my writing has become a catalyst for getting well. My ability to blog is a tonic at times when I need it most — without it, I would feel even more alone than I do today.

IBS encompasses so many disorders and defects, that it becomes an almost impossible problem to solve. Failure is my biggest enemy, so as I battle this dreaded indisposition, I am reminded about the time before I was diagnosed and the happy, carefree World that I used to inhabit. This is the marker I need to push me ever onwards, towards a cure, and the ability to exist comfortably, without pain. This is the goal I am determined to achieve, to finally live stress and pain free, and be happy again like I used to, in a time before IBS!

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Anxiety Free For Now!

23/8/2025

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For once, I've had a pretty quiet week. There have been no health problems, anxiety or stress, so as the video above explains, I am feeling practically stress-free. Now that is a first for me! I am feeling that good, that I don't have any IBS symptoms, and I am actually sleeping well; better than I have done in years. Despite the nasty weather in Perth at the moment, I have absolutely nothing to complain about, now that is a shocker for me and probably you as well.

With all my health issues more or less cleared up, I am beginning to look forward to our holiday in Thailand and Singapore. This is where my mind is right now, and I am starting to feel excited about our 30th anniversary trip. I am of course making preparations to hopefully avoid contracting an infection this time around, and I am doing what I can to stop any future staph infection, from manifesting while we are abroad. Interestingly, after much research, I have discovered that probiotics could be key to beating this god-awful disease.

Normally I take a probiotic every day, but on holiday I don't. There is no real reason why, rather, I just don't take them with me when I am travelling. In Asia, I do suffer from infections, and yes, you guessed it, home in Perth, I do not. I am hoping that by taking a strong capsule daily; while touring Southeast Asia, I will be able to stop any nasty bacteria in its tracks. Here's hoping anyway! I am well aware of how destructive staphylococcus Aureus can be, so anything I can do to avoid it for a third time, is worth a try!

Just one other thing to mention, before you check out the video, and it's about a person I haven't seen in eight years. Dawn, was a fellow expat, and close friend I knew, while living in Gran Alacant, in Spain. She just happened to show up in my store in Midland a week ago — just out of the blue. She was visiting a friend here in Australia and was passing through, before travelling onto Africa.

Dawn was part of The No Wives Club in Spain. All of us, who were close at that time, had our respective partners and husbands working or living abroad. We formed a close bond, during difficult times. Sadly, we lost touch over the years and I never believed I would see her again. For Dawn to just pop up, unexpectedly, over the other side of the world, was extraordinary, but extremely lovely. It was a joy to catch up, even briefly. Sadly, I won't be able to see her again, as our paths once again take different directions. However, it was a precious moment that brought a much-needed smile to my face. Of course, I wish her all the best — and who knows, we may bump into each other again one day.

That's it this week, short and sweet — enjoy the video!

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Echocardiagram Results!

17/8/2025

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Well this has genuinely been the month from hell, and even though I am still suffering from an ongoing infection, I am at least at the end of the 'heart saga', that has been plaguing me in recent weeks. As readers of my blog know, over the last fortnight, I have undergone a series of tests, after ending up in the ED here in Australia for unexplained chest pain. While seeing a consultant in the Cardiological Department at Midland Hospital, I was informed that they had discovered a Systolic Grade II Ejection Murmur. They told me, in no uncertain terms, that it could be of concern and I had to follow up with my Doctor as soon as possible — which I duly did!

The one aspect of Australia that I like, is the health care this country provides. Yes it does cost a lot of money for patients like me, compared to The UK, but the reality is, it is worth it. I have built up a good relationship with my GP, who understands me more than most. He is aware of how hyperaware of my health and body I am, and will always advise in the best way possible — not always the way I would want, I have to say.

After referring me for an Echocardiogram at a private clinic in Joondalup, he told me to get it done as soon as possible, so he could give me the go ahead to go on holiday next month. Without the results, it would have been very difficult for me to travel abroad, especially without the express permission of my GP. Thankfully in Australia, I didn't have to wait long for a private appointment and it was done and dusted in a few days, rather than waiting a month for a bulk billed test.

This week I had a follow-up appointment with my Doctor, after an anxiety inducing seven days wait. I was very nearly on the verge of a nervous breakdown. Over the last few months I have suffered with penicillin resistant staph infections, a cancer scare and heart problems — my body really wasn't up to taking much more! However, I plucked up the courage once again and headed to my surgery for the results.

Sitting there waiting to be seen, I was exhausted and full of emotion. I was absolutely sure the murmur they found was serious. In my head I planned for a future of operations, medication and constant trips to the specialist. With all these dark thoughts going on in my head, by the time my Dr called me in, I was a mess!

Sat in his office, I immediately asked him how bad it was. He took one look at me and said, 'it isn't bad at all, in fact the complete opposite'. I do have a murmur yes, but it has likely been there for many years, and is caused by regurgitation, which is quite common and normal for a man of my age. I also have a leaky heart valve and a few other minor issues — nothing sinister, nothing bad, just all part of growing old.

Shockingly, there was an upside to all this. The treadmill stress test that I had to undergo highlighted my current level of fitness. In the consultants words, I was fitter than most 55-year-old men, achieving 13 MET's in my test. Now, I really don't know what that means fully, but I am reliably informed I am at the higher end of physical fitness for a man of my age. My heart health is firmly in the excellent category on the Bruce Scale, which is used to measure just how fit a person's heart is.

I don't mind telling you how shocked I was; I have evolved from a smoking, drinking obese man, to a fit, healthy 55-year-old in optimal health — I couldn't have been happier. My week of anxiety had changed into a week of positive vibes and good thoughts. I don't think I can ever describe the elation you feel, when you are told you are fit and well and more importantly, do not need medication or any form of follow up with the hospital.

After losing 30kg in weight, I have finally been vindicated. To everyone who told me to slow down, I was too thin and gaunt, I can say, you were wrong. This is how I should be, this is what being healthy is all about, and I am bloody proud of myself for the achievements I have under my belt and looking forward to a productive future ahead.

In the words of the Cardiologist who conducted the tests last week, things could have been very different if I hadn't changed my life. Instead today, I am looking at a future I never really believed I had, and I am emboldened to do even more in the pursuit of physical fitness and looking after the only body I'll ever have!

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Echocardiagram!

9/8/2025

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Heart Murmur!

27/7/2025

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This week I am concentrating on writing my book "Echoes In The Hallway,' so I will be discussing my recent heart murmur status in a video log. When I turned up at hospital last Saturday, after suffering from severe chest pain, I had no idea that I would leave with a Systolic Heart Murmur. This isn't something that has ever been picked up before, so understandably I am rather concerned.

It is of course up to me to arrange for further investigations here in Perth, so I can make sense of just what is causing this murmur. It could be benign, which is usually the case when you are younger, or it could be something more sinister: a problem with a narrowing of arteries or a heart valve problem. At this moment in time, they just do not know why I have an issue.

I am naturally quite anxious about this finding, especially as I do suffer from health anxiety. I do, however, wonder if the nervousness and concern I suffer with on a daily basis, has contributed to the physical symptom. The consultant at the hospital did say that a murmur can disappear as quickly as it arrived. I only had my heart checked a few weeks ago and nothing was picked up, so I am a little confused to say the least.

Have a listen to the video this week and tell me what you think. I always value your opinions, which you always offer each week. If you have any insight into this condition, I would love to hear from you.

I just wanted to say a few words about my new book, that will be coming out soon. 'Echoes In The Hallway' is an anthology of short stories from my childhood. I have been writing for as long as I can remember, and I have decided to publish these personal insights into my life growing up in the 1970s and 80s in tangible form.

The book is written under my birth name, Darren Light. I thought it was appropriate to use my given name, considering the personal nature of these stories. Luke Martin - Jones in the Blogger inside, Darren is the little boy who grew up, surviving the challenges of 70s and 80s Britain, whilst wrestling with being gay, in a distinctly homophobic world.

I will of course let you know when the book is on sale and look forward to seeing it in print myself!

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Biopsy Results!

5/7/2025

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When you are confronted by the 'C' word — Cancer, you really can't predict how you will react. All of us are different. When you are told you may have that disease, you deal with it however you can. As a sufferer of health anxiety, I didn't cope with the prospect of having skin cancer too well. To say I was devastated, would be an understatement. All week I have been traumatised, living on nervous energy, and existing, like every day was my last.

This week has been hell, I really haven't known whether I am coming or going. I have very much lived in a bubble. I haven't spoken to anyone, including my husband, preferring to stay quiet — alone with my thoughts I was trying to come to terms with a diagnosis, before actually being diagnosed. In my mind, I had cancer and in my head, I was preparing for the worst case scenario. My mental health is quite simply in bits; I feel like I have run a marathon, haven't slept for weeks and literally been through the mill. I am shattered, tired and absolutely exhausted. This has been a hellish week and one I just want to forget.

The biopsy, itself, has really just been an inconvenience. It is in an awkward spot, in the middle of my back, which is making it really difficult to heal. Whether carrying a bag to work, sleeping in a bed, or sitting on a chair, the friction caused is just exacerbating the problem. I do have some pain from the site itself and having to put on a smiling face each day, has been difficult — especially after recovering from COVID.

My consultant at the mole scan clinic said, the results would be back within a few weeks, and that immediately sent me into panic mode. Health anxiety doesn't make allowances for diagnostic results. Each day of the waiting process is worse than the one before. For me, the 'not knowing' has been the worst part of this whole sorry episode. I can cope with the pain of a biopsy, even the threat of a positive cancer result, but the waiting period, for an anxiety sufferer, is a killer. I might as well lock myself away for a week — functioning at any semblance of normality, has been hard, and I have made myself ill just thinking about the consequences.

Within a few working days, my results had dropped into my health app on my phone. I immediately phoned the clinic for answers, to no avail. The Doctor hadn't looked at them yet, let alone analysed them. Despite pushing as hard as I could, the receptionist just couldn't give me any more information. Of course, my anxiety just increased, as I wondered why the results were not being released — 'what were they hiding!'

The next day, I phoned once more, and again I was given the same answer. The Clinician would phone me as soon as they knew, but 'rest assured they will do it in a timely manner.' This did bugger all to stem my apprehension, and I was probably more concerned than ever. Anxiety is a vicious cycle, as I found out this week, both physically and mentally, taking its toll. Anticipating these results has been lonely and extremely painful. I have lost three kilograms in weight and I look particularly tired and gaunt. Every morning I woke up at 1.30am, sweating, with a fast heartbeat, which as you can imagine, did nothing to alleviate my fears of a positive diagnosis.

By the end of the day, after my second phone call, the Doctor phoned back, while I was in the middle of some end of day paperwork. My heart immediately sank. However, she immediately told me the lesion on my back was benign and referred to it as 'fibrosis.' You just can't imagine the relief I felt at that moment — all of my anxiety immediately disappeared; I felt like a new man!

I resisted the temptation to research fibrosis on Dr Google, not wanting to detract from the good news, at least temporarily. After telling Darrell and my father the good news, I slept like a baby. Yes, I woke up at stupid O'clock in the morning, but there was no sweat, fast heartbeat nor anxiety, and I fell back asleep straight away. It was clear, I was going to live another day, and the relief was palpable.

As ever, with health anxiety, within 24 hours, I was concerned about another pain, this time under my tongue. Whilst searching a possible Squamous cell carcinoma diagnosis, just a few days before, some rather uncomfortable photos of affected tongues came up in my news feed, so I naturally jumped on the anxiety bandwagon once again. This time, however, I immediately jumped off; so far, ten days later, I am feeling chipper, in good spirits and avoiding the anxiety cycle of despair. Thankfully, so far, I am no longer dwelling on the worst life throws my way.

Thank you for all your messages of support and for just being there when I needed it most. This time I was lucky, when so many others are not. To all of you suffering with a cancer diagnosis: you are truly amazing people; your stories have helped me, during a particularly challenging time, and for that I am extremely grateful. Keep fighting, keep the faith — Health and happiness to you all!

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From a new life in spain, to an old life in britain, 'roaming brit' documents uncertain times!

I'm Falling Apart!

Breast Pain!

Health Anxiety!

IBS Flare Up!

IBS Flare Up!

Anxiety Free For Now!

Echocardiagram Results!

Echocardiagram!

Heart Murmur!

Biopsy Results!

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