Today's blog is about an important series of events that became the catalyst for my blog, 'Roaming Brit.' Ten years ago, in 2015, along with my husband Darrell, I was a victim of sustained bullying, from people who worked for one of the oldest charities in the World. This period was the most distressing and abusive time in our relationship together. Even today, I still suffer from the effects of a phase, that will forever remain a part of my psyche. I will always carry the burden of torment around with me. It was quite simply an interval, a glitch, that was responsible for a change in our circumstances, that we are still living through today, despite the memories finally fading into the background.

Bullying is something you think only occurs in childhood, but when it happens in your mid-forties, you can't believe what is actually transpiring before your very eyes. Both Darrell and I, were working alongside one another as Managers, for a large NGO on the south coast of England. Both of us thoroughly enjoyed our positions, especially working with the volunteers who worked for us. I was always taught, from an early age, to look after and protect the most vulnerable people in society. As a Manager for a charity, it was part of my remit and something I was very aware of, every day I went to work.

You can imagine my horror, when two of Darrell's paid employees, began targeting and abusing a particularly defenseless member of his volunteer team. He naturally asked me for advice. We were both in the same positions at work and as a Manager it is something we had to deal with on rare occasions. I suggested he report it as a safeguarding issue and the HR department would do the rest. I had no reason to expect anything different. Furthermore, I felt sure the organisation would do all it could to protect, the individual concerned — how wrong I was!

Not only did the charity do nothing to support Darrell or the victim, but those responsible started bullying Darrell as a result. From attacks on personal property, to homophobic abuse and attacks at work, the abuse was relentless. Darrell became ill, withdrawn, and his mental health became a source of concern. As someone who had worked for the charity longer than him, I decided to do what I could to help.

Despite doing my best to intervene, I was also dealing with a safeguarding issue at my own place of work, which was also being disregarded by my boss. Later, a former colleague also began to attack me personally, and it appeared on the surface, at least, that both of us were being singled out for protecting others.

With no support from our mutual boss, within a short space of time, we both became ill. We were advised to stay away from work, for our own health and wellbeing. Our mental health was in tatters, as we sought answers as to why nothing was being done to protect us and others. I contacted helplines and organisations who could help. I spoke with my union, ASDAW and anti bullying charities, including 'Solent Mind' based in Southampton. All of them said the same thing, we were being targeted for safeguarding others and as they dug deeper, under the surface, our sexuality was also a factor as well. I can't describe the feeling you get, when you realise you are being mistreated, for just doing the right thing. It hits you head long, like a brick in the face.

For a year we suffered, while still trying to find answers as to why we were being ignored. Despite returning to work for a brief period, in the end, just before our wedding in 2015, we both decided to pack up, sell up and leave the UK for good. Every professional organisation we talked to, said this was the right thing to do. The sociopathic nature of what we endured, would never stop until we made the decision to walk away, from the sinister nature of mistreatment we were dealing with. It took a while, but finally, after talking to family, friends and professionals, we left for a new life in Spain.

My last day at the charity was tinged with sadness, leaving the volunteers behind. We had built up a great rapport over the years, and they were a big part of my life. The Head of HR came in, to try to draw a line under this sorry chapter, and we both spoke candidly about just what had happened. She agreed the way I was treated was a disgrace, but said there wasn't much the charity could do, since its reputation was at stake. Despite knowing just how malevolent and malicious those involved had been towards us and many others, (We weren't the first) there was very little she could do. The primary person responsible was a known bully and abuser, and she had done this many times before.

​Our new life in Spain was a breath of fresh air. We had a new, strong and altruistic network of friends and colleagues and an even bigger group of Expats, who helped us begin the transition from turmoil to tranquillity. We were both as happy as we could be and loving every day again on the beautiful Costa Blanca. Smiles returned to both our faces as we finally escaped the pain we left behind.

Despite writing about my experiences as often as I could, answering emails and messages from readers who were also suffering from bullying, we both enjoyed a happy existence in Spain. I received many cries for help over the two years I was living in Gran Alacant, even from those who actually worked at the charity I once held in such high regard. These were the hardest messages to reply to, and I just gave them the advice that was given to me — Never try to beat a sociopath, you will always fail!

Personal tragedy ended our time in Spain all too quickly. While sat surrounded by packing boxes in the lounge of our villa in Puerto Marino, I received an unexpected call. The Charity Commission was investigating the charity I had worked for and wanted to hear my side of the story. I was finally given an opportunity to give mine and Darrell's side of the events that brought us to Spain; it was a vindication of everything we had gone through — finally someone was listening to us. 

I never found out the results of the enquiry. However, I finally realised that many others in the UK and further afield, had also suffered at the hands of people who had no place working with vulnerable people. I was made aware that changes would take place. Although nothing could be done to save mine and Darrell's careers, we were helping the commission compile evidence, against people who were distinctly corrupt and disturbing in nature, and for that they were truly grateful.

Since then, I haven't thought about that terrible time in 2015 too much. I do have days when the pain resurfaces, and I do suffer with severe anxiety every day, but my life is so much better now than it ever has been. In a way, the success I enjoy ten years later, is all down to the bullies who gave us such a hard time. So I suppose I should finally take the opportunity to thank them, for affording us the life we enjoy in Australia. So thank you — I hope you are also enjoying the fruits of your labour as well.

During the 30 years we have been together, neither of us have experienced blatant bullying and abuse. As I look back over our years together, it is painful to relive such painful experiences, but it was a time that made us stronger as a couple and more aware of the ugly nature of people. Not everyone in your life is good for you, and it really is up to you to kick them into the long grass and carry on living your best life. They were terribly soul-destroying months in 2015, but without them, we wouldn't be where we are today, and for that, fate gave us a second chance and a reason to exist again.

Well, as I'm sure you are aware by now, this week's blog, is about toxic people, a subject I have plenty of knowledge about, after working for the most toxic charity in the United Kingdom, for eight, long, years. If I am perfectly honest, I am sat here exhausted and feeling particularly debilitated. No, not because of my job, but because of 'TOXIC PEOPLE' who have made my life a misery this week. I am so thankful it is the weekend right now, and I am able to recharge, after such a horrible seven days. Sometimes, I think I am too old for having opinions and speaking my mind — maybe it is time, to just settle down and live a peaceful life?

Every Sunday, I like to blog; this is the moment I can really sit down, think about the ups and downs of the past week and finally relax. Since an altercation with several people online, I haven't been on social media and so far I don't have a desire too. To think, the way I am feeling now, is all because of a complimentary comment I made towards, a rather famous comedian, after commenting on how wonderful they looked. Usually this would be an acceptable way of expressing one's thoughts towards another human being, but because this comedian is transsexual, I have experienced a crescendo of abuse, like you wouldn't believe.

I was attacked verbally online by a person I do not know, much else, ever met. They decided to stalk me across all my social media pages, and describe in graphic detail, how I should be strung up and publically hung in the street. This individual said plenty more that is unprintable and would go against my contract with Google, if I mentioned it today, so I won't. That person caused me enough pain and upset, without Google cancelling my account as well.

The person in question was a Reform Party supporter; it was emblazoned across his social media page. In his words, when Reform wins the next election, people like me will be dealt with. As a gay man, who grew up in the 1970s and 80s, I am well aware of what discrimination is and feels like. Darrell and I have been discriminated against all our lives, and I really thought the World had changed. Clearly, from the tone and behaviour of this far right supporter, nothing could be further from the truth, and I still feel shocked to the core at the language he used.

After thinking about it, I responded to his diatribe, by sharing a post about Reform. I suppose it was to make me feel better and just get the anger off my chest. I literally thought nothing more about it, until several friends also started to verbally assault me for posting it. One of those has been a friend for over thirty years, and we both are polar opposites politically, so I accept his comments, as I always did in the past. His friendship is far too important to me to do anything else.  The observations he made were neither offensive, nor over the top, and certainly didn't cause me any upset. The other guy, however, was a volunteer, who I employed whilst working for Oxfam — I have no such loyalty or attachment towards him, and am totally flabbergasted by his outburst.

There wasn't an ounce of empathy, and he couldn't care less about my feelings. There was no understanding at all. His behaviour was pure toxicity, and I was in no mood to take any of it. I replied several times, when I decided to just block him and get on with the rest of my life. Judging by previous experience, this is the only was to deal with someone like that. 

Trying to put this kind of thing to the back of my mind, can be difficult for an insomniac like me. Over the last few years, my sleeping patterns have gotten steadily worse. Some nights I only have 4 hours sleep, others a bit more. I sleep a maximum of six hours, and I am wide awake at 4am every day, ready to start the day. Believe me, I have tried everything to solve this, but to no avail. Today, I just live with it and hope it gets better.

I strongly believe, my insomnia is a result of the severe anxiety I suffer with. I no longer wear my Fitbit to bed to monitor my sleep, as I believe it has made my sleep anxiety worse. I have also started to switch my phone off several hours before sleeping and make sure the bedroom is as dark as possible. Luckily, Darrell and I have a three-bedroom house and I can sleep alone when absolutely necessary, which helps us both in the long run.

As a nervous individual I do not cope with anxiety and stress very well, so when anything happens, that upsets my wellbeing and sense of balance, I can not sleep at all. What happened this week has just tired me out. I know I should learn to ignore the haters, but I do have a voice and an opinion, which I am entitled to express. No one should try to silence anyone. I believe in mutual respect and understanding and would never attack someone for their views.

After this blog today, offloading all the hate, I will not mention this incident again. The therapeutic nature of blogging is such, that I will never need to. I can, however, look back at this entry in a few months time and hopefully learn from the hurtful comments, growing stronger because of it. Yes, at 54 years old, I am still learning and will always continue to, until the day I die. I like to think I am better than all the hateful people in the World, especially at the moment, and look forward to a time, when we can all live together in peace and harmony once again… Until then, I guess there will be many more episodes like this, but each one is a reminder to do better, strive for more meaningful friendships and above all, rise above the fray!

Eight years ago, I was trying to make sense of traumatic events that were shaping my world. 2015 was not the greatest year of my life, but it was, however, one that would teach me much about people and the lengths they will go to, to cause harm to others. Darrell and I went through a torrid time; abused and attacked by people we thought were friends and colleagues, we made a life-changing decision to leave Britain and restart our life far away from the nightmare engulfing our every waking hour.

We both had good jobs, worked hard, and did our best to help others when we could. We had a lot of people around us, some good, some bad, but as we stumbled through that painful thing called life, we felt happy and secure with the characters that made up our close circle of friends. These were positive people in the main, and as our circumstances changed, and my health began to suffer, we were lucky enough to have the support of some truly amazing individuals.

It was difficult to understand what was happening to me, and even harder to determine just who to trust. I was aware that something strange was happening, but I just couldn’t understand what. Writing down my thoughts and feelings, was a way of coming to terms with situations that were beyond my control. It allowed me to express my emotions in a way I wouldn't otherwise have been able to. The turmoil that was overwhelming me, was difficult to fathom, but by documenting events, I could begin to discover the reasons behind my immense feeling of sadness.

I have written much about that time in 2015 - not all of it legible, much of it rambling, and all of it difficult to reread. The bullying that made me who I am today, had been methodically collated in abraded unedited paragraphs, that painted a picture of mistreatment and intimidation. Even today, I haven’t read my original blog; the trauma I suffered is just too recent, and the effects too raw.

The decisions Darrell and I made in 2015 were the catalyst for a journey we are both still on today. After a life spent together in the UK, we decided to sell up, move away and leave Britain for good. After our marriage in September 2015, we embarked on a new life in Spain, and the darkness that surrounded my first blog all but disappeared. I continued to write about the confusing occurrences, that prompted our departure with gusto, but my melancholia had turned into anger and rage at what had happened. In beautiful, idyllic surroundings, I was able to sit with a clear head, and finally understand just what brought me to Spain.

Spain was an enlightening experience, it finally gave me a reason to live again. I was the happiest I had been in a long time and the stress and depression of 2015 gradually began to diminish and dwindle, finally subsiding into obscurity, as my new life in Gran Alacant became my priority.

Writing about my adventure on the Costa Blanca became a cleansing and cathartic exercise. Each day, I wrote about the mundane aspects of Spain, the cost of living, friends and the milestones that became so important, as I integrated into Expat life. Even when Darrell had to return home to Australia, while his Mother went through treatment for cancer, I still wrote - engaging, contented words linked to a country and a dream I could finally call home. This was the most free I had felt in years, and I was finally doing what I wanted, not what others expected me to do.

Our Spanish dream was not meant to be, and I was just grateful to have lived there, for as long as I did. As Darrell's Mother got worse and my Mum was taken into hospital, we left Gran Alacant, Darrell returning to Australia, me moving in with my Aunt in the UK, to be close to my Mum during the final years of her life. I was back in a Country I despised, but surrounded by loved ones, and I made the most of what I had left.

I spend four productive years in Portsmouth, surviving against all the odds, building up a substantial amount of money during the pandemic and working in a job I loved. Even while working, often long unsociable hours, I was able to keep writing and documenting some truly historic times. The streets were empty, businesses were closed, and I explored a city I knew little about, despite being born there in 1971.

The years I spent with family were bitter-sweet. In the main, they were good; I got to know my Aunt and Cousins well and loved every minute I spent with them. All of them gave me a reason to live, especially when Darrell was trapped in Australia at the height of the pandemic. I celebrated some important landmarks with my kin folk, my 25th wedding anniversary and my 50th Birthday and despite the sadness I felt, not having Darrell with me, I was content with family who supported and loved me.

Like most good things in life, times changed, and the fruitful, hard-working period I enjoyed in Portsmouth turned sour. Suddenly, the people I loved were no longer there. Affection turned to hate and resentment and by the time Darrell returned to the UK, my days in Portsmouth were already numbered. Once again, my blogging turned dark as unhappiness and dejection became the prominent feature in my life. It was time to move on and leave the past behind. Even the ones you love the most can hurt you, but I wasn’t in the mood for forgiveness, and I am glad to be away from people who made my final months in the UK some of the most hurtful and miserable in my life.

Of course, it didn’t all end so badly; I made some amazing friends in Portsmouth who will always be with me. They were the saving grace and a reason to write happy and uplifting thoughts, even during the most upsetting of times. The closing few weeks before we left for Australia were filled with love, laughter and unforgettable memories; everything else didn’t matter any more. We could leave with our heads held high on the final leg of our eight-year journey and a desire to finally be free.

When faced with unsurmountable challenges, Darrell and I always walk away. Both of us hate confrontation and with the stability that kept us together as a family crumbling, it was once again time to say goodbye. Australia is the final stop on a deeply personal and challenging eight years. When I decided to start blogging in 2015, I could never have predicted where I would be today. In April 2023, Darrell and I are living the quiet life down under; both of us have fantastic jobs and have bought a new home together. As our eyes look towards the future, I remember the immortal words I wrote all those years ago ‘ live life better, achieve everything you desire and don’t let the bad times destroy your future.’ We have done this unreservedly and continue to strive for prosperity in this unforgiving World!

... And finally, I would like to wish all my readers a very happy Easter, and thank you for your continual support!

Today, I finally have some time to myself, something I just do not have as a rule. Life has become rather busy for me in every aspect; I am spending more time at work and trying to keep myself busy, every day. Since returning from Spain, I have made a conscious effort to work hard and at the moment, I have a need to do far more than I otherwise would. I have a number of projects I need to save for, as Darrell and I look towards a future based in Europe; this remains our overriding priority. At this moment in time, I am happy to be concentrating on me and Darrell and even though it may seem selfish, I do not care what people think. We have both gone through life caring too much about others and what they may or may not feel, and it has got us nowhere. This is a time for us and succeeding where we have too often failed in the past.

As a person, I am approachable, welcoming, and open; I enjoy spending time with friends and family and want to help where I can. Both Darrell and I have been taken advantage of in the past and every time we have fallen for manipulative, dishonest, dubious characters, again and again. This has always been our Achilles heel and in recent times I have done everything I can to avoid similar situations and most importantly, toxic people.

I could write a book about toxic people, they have played a prominent role in my life, from early adulthood onwards. It is only now, I can claim to finally be a good judge of character. I can spot a bad person a mile off and will always run for the hills in the metaphoric sense. The old me would do everything to help change someone for the better, give them a leg up, roof over their head or a few quid in their pocket if they needed it. The new me is completely different; sadly, I will not get involved in other people's lives and will generally do my best to walk away, when I should probably help. I have been bitten so many times in the past, that I have the scars to prove it; the memories reinforce my current way of thinking, that I can not, and will not, do anything that will affect me or Darrell negatively.

Despite past efforts, I have nearly always been left feeling empty, abused and mistreated. There has not been one occasion where I have been appreciated for helping someone, every single time has left me depressed and down. My own mental health has suffered terribly over the years, not because of me, but because other people have quite simply taken advantage of my good nature. Darrell has always said, 'they see me coming,' and I need to harden up and not give so much to people who don't deserve it. I would of course politely listen, take on board what he was saying, and then promptly do the complete opposite. Today I am very different and if I am honest have learnt the hard way. It isn't until you have reached the bottom that you can really see where you went wrong, and after nearly fifty years, I can finally see the chaff from the wheat.

Today, I don't suffer fools gladly and will often walk away from people at the first sign of trouble. If the alarm bell starts ringing in my head, then I use that as a sign to move on. How many chances should we actually give someone, before finally giving up? Well now, I give no chances, all part of a learning process that has left me feeling pessimistic and downbeat, but sanguine for the future. The fact that I have learnt to deal with the worst society throws my way, leaves me hopeful, that I won't slip up and dramatically fail as I have done in the past. I may well feel melancholy at the moment, but I am aware I won't always feel that way.

From politicians getting away with lies and falsehoods, to a manipulative, abusive antagonist, hurting anyone who doesn't agree with their views and a Mother screaming at her child in the street, I have had it all this week. I have been left feeling emotionally exhausted and can't for the life of me, fathom why people have to be so cruel.

There isn't much I can do about the wider World, mad President Putin in Russia, Boris Johnson getting away with yet another lie or the horrifying prospect of President Trump in the Whitehouse yet again. However, I can stop the rot on my doorstep and remove the most destructive influences in my own life. It is difficult to describe my thoughts and emotions to someone who doesn't understand or indeed care, but writing this entry today, has at least allowed me to offload the anxiety I currently feel. There is so much turmoil in the World at the moment, that my own personal demons  and the friction I witness on a daily basis almost pales into significance. The fact it remains a constant source of pain, shows the impact it has on me and the people around me. Despite trying to block out the apprehension I feel, it just doesn't go away and when you experience the week from hell, you just need to lock yourself away.

The cathartic nature of blogging is the key to my sanity and the reason I continue to write. Without publicly acknowledging how I feel, I wouldn't be able to understand the warning signs, I missed in the past. Reading back over the events of the last seven years, since I started this blog, I have finally been able to move forward. Discarding the mistakes of the past and understanding the nature of individuals, my writing quite simply remains as a warning to do better in the future!

It was my absolute pleasure to be interviewed for the 'Artist First Radio Network,' and the 'Debra Rufini' show this week. Debra was engaging as ever, as we both spoke about the issues important to us. I was able to talk at length, for an hour, about my life, blogging, my campaign against bullying and my experience growing up gay in the 1970s/80s.

As a blogger, it is important to get my message across to my readership, so when the lovely Debra Rufini approached me for an interview, I was delighted to oblige. I have listened to her show numerous times and followed her radio programme with interest. Talking about a wide range of subjects, her interviews have always struck a chord with me. From spirituality, writing, narcissism and bullying, her topic of conversation, never fails to inform and entertain. My small contribution has allowed me to finally speak about subjects close to my heart, with a person who understands the mission statement of 'Roaming Brit.'

I felt relaxed talking with Debra, through a medium I have never used before. The radio is a great way for me to get my message across to others; expressing my feelings, vocally, has been an empowering experience. After listening to the broadcast yesterday, I was happy to have been given the opportunity to tell a small part of my story.

The original reasons for creating 'Roaming Brit' all those years ago, are still there and my passion about ending bullying and abuse in all its forms, is as important today as it was then. Debra and I have much in common; our shared values and beliefs come across in an interview that spanned nearly an hour. For me, it was a cosy chat with a friend, but it is also a programme that explored my character, sentiment and conviction. Debra made me remember why I blog, who I blog for, how it has shaped my life and, more seditiously, just how much trauma I have suffered throughout.

My sexuality is the common factor that linked every component in the interview. This is the one single theme, that has really been responsible for the decisions I have made and the challenges I have faced. This connection was at the forefront of my mind during my chat with Debra and continues to dominate my life, even today. From bullying and writing, to childhood and family, homosexuality has been the most tenacious obstacle to my sense of self-worth. It has controlled my life and has made me the person I am today. It isn't until you listen back to a conversation or, in this case, a dialogue on a radio show, that you realise, just what shaped your future direction. If only all of us were accepted for who we are, we wouldn't have to go through the terrible pattern of injustice, that many LGBTQ+ people suffer daily.

My sincere hope, is this interview will help others, who are suffering from bullying. I have written so much about the subject, that I was glad to be able to finally tell my story. Debra was wonderful at making me feel at ease and comfortable, so I felt in a position to tell my narrative, in a way I wanted to, not how others would have demanded. Bullying and abuse are serious issues that need to be addressed, and it is only by talking, that you are able to see through fog. The 'smoke and mirrors' effect, so often used by abusers to muddy the water and make you feel guilty, is a difficult method of manipulation to see through. Listening to other stories, is a great way of understanding the sinister processes at play.

Do take a listen to the podcast of the broadcast on YouTube, which I have included in the link above, and of course let me know what you think. I would of course like to thank Debra and all those at The Debra Rufini Show for their support and for the opportunity to tell my story. I have been amazed by the positive feedback I have received and hope it isn't too long before you hear from me again. Roaming Brit survives, because of its readership and I hope you will all take a moment, to sit and listen to my experiences, in this crazy World we all live in.

This radio interview is dedicated to all those who have suffered and continue to suffer abuse. Many of you helped me come to terms with my struggles, and for that I am truly thankful. Without your love and support, I wouldn't be here today!

It's been a while since I last talked about bullying and sociopathy, but after recent events, I thought I would once again write about a subject, that started me blogging six years ago. It is a difficult topic to discuss, especially after suffering myself, but writing about my experiences was particularly cathartic and helped my heal from a relentless period in my life.

I often hear from people who are dealing with the aftermath of intimidation and have come across my blog, whilst searching 'google' for help. I am by no means an expert on how to handle, often harrowing circumstances, but I am able to use my ordeal to help those who need it. This week I heard from someone who had split from her husband after a ten-year marriage, where she felt trapped and unable to turn to anyone for help.

I was abused over many years by someone who I used to regard as close. A work colleague and superior, who was instrumental in the decisions I made at work and at home, had decided to infiltrate my life, in such a way, that I was unaware it was even happening, until it was too late. I only ever realised what was going on, after talking to a professional, who immediately suggested steps to remove myself from a situation that was destroying me, little by little, day by day.

Of course my experience wasn't atypical, in fact the trauma I suffered six years ago was highly unusual. However, it taught me many lessons about people and human nature at its worst. When you hear from others also suffering, it does trigger memories that you think you have forgotten; really they have just been put to one side, until they resurface and transport you back to times you would rather forget. As a blogger and writer, I feel it is part of my remit to discuss matters that have caused me pain; it helps to understand the process that was underway and confirm my suspicions.

The lady who messaged me this week, is still in the middle of a deeply painful period, often feeling hopeless in the face of a bully, who she thought loved her. Nevertheless, there is light at the end of darkness, there is a way out of her distress, even if she can't see it now. When you are alone, you often question your own feelings. I remember when I was in the midst of my own affray, there were days when I felt confused, unable to see what was actually happening and questioned my own judgement. I was always someone who was proud of my intuition and ability to see through deception, but after a long period of abuse, I no longer believed in myself; I had no self-worth or confidence, just muddle and bewilderment.

Being bullied does change you as a person, I got the impression this young lady had aged beyond her years. She thought she was the problem and had to change; maybe, just maybe, she was at fault and imagining everything that was going on. A bully understands exactly what they are doing; they break your will and make you feel like you are the obstacle, which isn't the case. The first step is admitting to yourself, there is an issue, after that you can deal with each point, one step at a time. Try looking at the individual elements that encompass the abuse you are suffering, keep a diary  and note specific events that make you question yourself. It is only when you look back, that you will see the destructive behaviour at play.

When you are a victim of bullying, you frequently can't see fact from fiction. Often alone and separated from loved ones, you find yourself having to deal with thoughts and feelings that are hard to comprehend. I turned to an advice service when I was at my lowest, who turned my life around. They were able to reassure me that what I thought was happening, actually was. Significantly, they explained the importance of removing toxic people from my life, which I was able to do. This wasn't easy, it meant changing completely, but with perseverance, time and the help of good friends, I have become stronger, wiser and able to give advice to others who are suffering right now. Tearing up everything you have ever known and taking a leap of faith is a big step, but starting over again and getting back the self-respect you lost is the most important freeing process you'll ever do.... Life will get better, life will return to normal, and you will be able to live again!

I've had a number of things on my mind recently, especially over the last few days, with the dawn of Brexit. Darrell and I intended to return to Spain to live, once this pandemic is over. It is a country we both love and were proud to call it home for several happy years. I often think of my time there and the friends I left behind. Both of us worked harder than anyone to achieve our resident status, retaining our respective residency permits, even today. It does look as though Brexit may well have changed all that, and a return to our old life in Gran Alacant, is just an unobtainable dream.

After looking into the subject of residencia, it would appear our Spanish status has already lapsed, because we have been outside the country too long. This isn't entirely set in stone of course, and I have messaged a legal representative to discover if we would have to reapply for residency, or if we could carry on where we left off. Our intention was always to return one day, once our family circumstances had changed and the pandemic was over, but we just aren't sure if it is viable any more.

Both of us fought very hard for our aspirational life and neither of us want to give it up that easily, but the truth is it may not be right for us now, as it was when we left in 2016. Neither of us are getting any younger and my reliance on the National Health Service, since I returned to Britain has been palpable. I'm not sure I would be able to have access to the Spanish system in quite the same way. Navigating the health care system in Spain, was proving difficult, whilst I was living in Gran Alacant; when my social security contribution was cancelled by my employer, without informing me, I was left with little choice, but to get private health insurance, of a sort.

The expense involved for Darrell and I, having to fund my own health care, was particularly hard. Having to work in a job, that was out of my comfort zone was also difficult, especially when you have an employer who lacked the dignity, compassion and empathy of a decent organisation, with morals and a real sense of direction and purpose. Struggling on the Spanish minimum wage, having to deal with unscrupulous svengali type characters, is not something I want to have to do in my fifties.

Both Darrell and I still have our hopes for the future, and they remain very much the same as they always have done. We continue to be travellers at heart and do not want to live in the UK full time. We have never really settled anywhere, buying property in France, living in Australia and Spain as well as moving to the north. I suppose Spain became the closest to the home I have always wanted, but that's not to say we can't have that somewhere else, abroad, with a better climate, more congruous to our way of thinking.

I have a feeling that the end of Britain's membership of the EU will be the beginning of a new adventure for both of us. When things get back to normal, we will once again have to make a decision about where our future lies. Brexit may well have closed European doors, but it has opened many more as a result. There is a whole World out there and if Spain or any other Continental nation isn't a possibility, then moving further a field maybe the answer. There are many parts of the planet we haven't explored, and we may just keep travelling forever, only settling when circumstances so desire. For now all dreams are open, all destinations a probability!

Yesterday I overheard a conversation between two men, discussing the 'sunflower lanyard' scheme. People with hidden disabilities can wear one around their neck, when out and about, alerting others around them about a hidden disability they may have. For someone who works in a shop like me, it is invaluable. It communicates a message, telling me that someone may need some extra help when shopping, or indicating they are exempt from wearing a mask while walking through a public space.

I have spoken to many customers and friends alike, who have experienced abuse and attacks from others during this pandemic, for not covering their faces. These may include people who suffer with COPD or a young adult who suffers from a panic disorder, where a face covering could cause lasting damage and harm. These are the people who are targeted for not following Government guidelines, shouted and screamed at by others who do not understand their 'hidden disability' and targeted for their vulnerability.

Supermarkets like Tesco offer free 'sunflower lanyards' to shoppers who genuinely can't adorn a mask, allowing them the ability to shop in relative peace and comfort, knowing they won't be confronted by an irate bystander, who doesn't understand their plight. I am a true champion of this innovate project and am thankful it exists at a time when we really need it. Vulnerable adults and children need to be protected now, more than ever, this simple strategy goes a long way to ensure this happens.

After listening to this one-sided conversation for a few minutes, calling those who wear lanyards 'fakers' and not truly having a  disability at all, I'm afraid I lost it, telling him exactly what I thought of him, producing a lanyard from my own pocket. This thoroughly unpleasant man, someone who I have had to listen to in the past, frequently, seemed a little rattled by my intervention and soon left.

I make no apologies for standing up for all those who suffer with a hidden disability, it disgusts me that someone would even dare to challenge vulnerable individuals who owe people like him no explanation, as to why they aren't wearing a mask. Sometimes you just have to stand up for what is right, no matter what the consequences. What's more, this grotesque individual was shouting at the top of his booming voice, in close proximity of others, without wearing a face covering himself. He would turn round and say it didn't have to wear one because of where he was, rather like those he was lambasting publicly, due to their exemption; hypocrisy at its worst.

If you do have a reason for not wearing a mask, please go to participating outlets, like Tesco, where you will be given a lanyard to help you during your future shopping trips. If you are ever confronted or aggressed, report the incident and above all don't take the abuse thrown at you, bullying is wrong under all circumstances and no one has the right to challenge you for protecting your health!

The World does seem to be in a constant state of flux at the moment. The pandemic is still raging across continents, taking lives indiscriminately, creating uncertainty and leaving a trail of death and destruction that will take generations to mitigate. After the death of George Floyd, the 'Black Lives Matter' (human rights organisation) campaign is gathering pace globally, as black people fight for equality and campaign against violence and systematic racism towards black people. And all of us juggle our ever decreasing finances to make ends meet, as unemployment continues to rise, in the wake of COVID-19. These are strange, difficult and thought-provoking times, a period that will be talked about for years to come. The adversities all of us face on a daily basis, do indeed make us who we are and with circumstances the way they are I am reminded of my own battles, many of which I still fight today!

I was always a child who suffered at the hands of bullies. I knew I was gay from about the age of eleven and consequently found it hard to hide who I was. Back in the early 1980s, it was not acceptable to be homosexual  and I suffered physically and mentally as a result. When I look back at my school days I shudder at just how bad they were and what I had to do to survive. There was of course an element of lying about who I was, but there was more than that. I knew I was different, found men attractive and couldn't be who I wanted to be, but I was still a young boy growing up at a time of great prejudice, with feelings that were so different to my peers and as a result I became a 'self isolating outcast,' spending the majority of the time on my own, away from others, for fear of being attacked or worse, for who I was.

Of course when one spends too much time on ones own, the real battles outside turn to conflicts in the mind. My mental health became fragile, from an early age, but without the help and support people are accorded today, I tried and failed miserably, to overcome some dark and distressing periods. I often felt deeply depressed and alone and more worryingly had suicidal thoughts, that overtook my life. While my friends were growing up 'normally' enjoying all the activities 'normal' kids enjoy, I rapidly became more and more insular, afraid and scared of the future.

At the same time, AIDS impacted all our lives, rather like the pandemic of today and my sexuality became even more of a problem; I cried every night wrestling with fears that were spiralling out of control. I believed being gay would kill me and I wouldn't be able to stop it. I had no one to talk to, since the Government of the time introduced 'Section 28' prohibiting any conversations with professionals, who could have helped and life became even more pained than it was already. By the time I left school in 1987, I was a nervous wreck, with nowhere to turn, turning to alcohol and cigarettes for support.

The early 90s was a time of great liberation; I finally found myself and accept my lot in life. I attended Pride marches, joined the Anti-Nazi League and began fighting for my right to exist as a gay man. There were set backs and phases when I questioned my sexuality, but this was due to other people opinions and their destructive influences. I was attacked several times and on one occasion thrown into the back of a car and beaten for over an hour, finally thrown out in a ditch at the side of the road, where, battered and bruised I made my way home. The constant assaults and barrage of abuse  made me even more determined to carry on being me and I became physically stronger as a result. Despite this my mental health was in tatters and depression and suicide raised their ugly heads again.

When I met my current husband in 1995, I was ready to settle down with someone I truly loved and that is where my biggest struggle began. Darrell was Australian, and we were both embarking on a same-sex relationship during a time when we were not recognised as a couple. In law, we were denied the right to live together and were told to move to Australia or another country that recognised the nature of our relationship; there was literally no precedent in place to allow us to coexist in Britain. You have to remember this was a time when discrimination was rife, commonplace and endemic in British culture, and we had to fight hard to establish our credentials as a partnership.

Initially we moved to Australia and back again, finally ending up back in Perth for a second time, with the intention of living there for the rest of our lives. Circumstances dictated our next move; Labour won the next General Election of 1997, and we made a last ditched attempt to restart our life in the UK, when the New Labour Government changed the law to finally recognise our relationship. The next five years were tough as we fought the system through much hardship in order to remain in the country. The damage to both our careers, health and sense of well-being was beyond measure, but in the early 2000s Darrell was finally granted 'Indefinite Leave to Remain,' and we could finally start living, six years after we got together.

The battles I fought then are carried around with me still, a reminder that together we can overcome anything. When both of us became the victims of bullying, we decided, once again to carry on fighting. This was one of the biggest challenges of our life, and we went through the motions, followed the rules and did what we could to hold our heads high. In the end, we won the battle, but decided to leave the UK altogether and start a new life somewhere else, this time in Spain, away from the memories that had haunted us for so long. From then on, the World was our oyster, or, so we thought, until events once again conspired to change the course of our life.

Since 2016 we have lived apart for most of the year, while Darrell helps his Mother deal with the spectre of Cancer. I have returned to the UK and continue to do what I can to survive during difficult times. Both of us are also dealing with our own health issues, built up over many years of stress and anxiety and do what we can to support one another. Even today, as we both contend with a pandemic that is keeping us apart on opposite sides of the World, we both remain committed and focused on our relationship. The battles we fought at the beginning have really taught us much about staying the course and each of us have an undying sense of purpose as we traverse the later stages of our life together.