Spring has sprung, the sun is shining and for the first time in many weeks, I am feeling great. The World is indeed in a mess and my anxiety is the worst it's ever been, but I have decided to start living again. For too long, I have been shut inside, watching distressing news bulletins about the war in Ukraine and scaring myself half to death. It really is time to get up, get out and enjoy what life has to offer.

Darrell and I have more or less decided not to go on holiday abroad once again this year. COVID is still rife and with the Ukrainian war getting more terrible by the day, we both feel it is safer to stay in Britain. The south coast does have a lot to explore in terms of natural beauty and things to do, so compared to most, we are relatively lucky. This week, we have started to live a little better.

On Saturday, we both took the day off to go on a bit of a ramble with friends around Rowlands Castle and Stansted House. The day was wonderfully sunny, probably the best day we have had, since summer drew to a close last year. With three dogs, we walked a rather hefty ten miles to the seventeenth century style house, through wooden grounds, still drying out from the depths of winter. As you would expect, we were all rather muddy by the end of the day.

The countryside around the house is stunning, and it felt good to take in some fresh air and enjoy a relaxing walk in the warm spring sun. Chatting with friends, a chocolate brownie or two to keep us going and at the end of our walk, a rather large slice of cake and a coffee in the grounds of the hall. I felt energised and happy to have enjoyed a change of scenery, a pleasant change from the concrete jungle I usually inhabit. Both Darrell and I need more days like this, especially now with summer knocking on the door.

Today, Darrell and I went to see my Father; I had a dentists' appointment at the BUPA clinic in Fareham, so took the opportunity to see Dad at the same time. Tooth pulled out, we went for a bite to eat (yet another slice of cake) and caught up on all the local gossip. This cake eating is getting a little habitual now and while I'm still keeping my weight firmly in check, it's not something I want to do too much; It was bloody gorgeous though, the best carrot cake I've ever tasted.

We also spent time at Titchfield Abbey, an old family friend as it were. As children, we would often walk to the old castle, a short stroll from our house. Dad and I have many happy family memories there, long summer days, picnics in the park and playing football. Yes, there was a time I kicked a ball about, though don't expect it to happen these days.

The last time we visited the old place was ten years ago, when Darrell's family stayed with us from Croatia. It has changed a lot, since I was a child, seeming much smaller than I remember, but it still holds some amazing memories for me, as does the village of Titchfield itself. I suppose the older I get, the more I appreciate the area where I grew up, and the truth is, I do miss it somewhat. In many respects, it is comforting Dad still lives locally, because it does give me the excuse to visit once in a while.

I hope to spend more time travelling through the UK this summer and enjoy all this country has to offer. With Darrell finally home, it seems like the perfect opportunity to explore the British Isles. Whilst I won't be gallivanting to distant shores, I will be revisiting old roots and hopefully seeing even more hidden treasures. I may moan about Britain more than I should, but the reality is, I can't think of anywhere better I'd like to live, certainly not in this World, full of turmoil and pain.

Today is a better day than yesterday, but I am still suffering from low mood. On Saturday night, Darrell and I went for a bite to eat, just trying to put our thoughts in a more positive place. It was good to get out and enjoy some much needed 'us' time, but still, at the back of my mind, the growing war in Europe isn't far from my thoughts. I understand just how fed up people must be, as I mention the war for the umpteenth time, but I really just need to hear the words 'everything will be alright.' Unsurprisingly, I don't hear them, because like me, the people I have spoken to, are equally horrified, witnessing this senseless war in Ukraine.

I have stopped watching the news so much now, and I am sticking to only catching up on events in Ukraine once or twice a day. It has done much for my state of mind, and I am not as tense as I was. However, the headlines remain horrific; the human cost of this war is all too clear, and the scenes played out on our television screens are beyond words. Only today, as I watched 'Good Morning Britain,' I heard that the pregnant woman, brought out on a stretcher, after a maternity hospital was bombed in Mariupol, had died from her injuries, along with her unborn child. This was another stomach churning and tearful event that shook me to the core. I can not understand why this is being allowed to happen in 2022.

As one would expect, I have been more than vocal in my views online, and in my opinion, rightly so. It is up to you and I to speak up for people who have no voice right now, and I am in no mood for listening to the so-called Russian side of the story. There is absolutely no reason for this war, and anyone trying to justify this attack needs to give themselves a shake. Innocent people are dying, the cultural and historical heritage of this beautiful country are being obliterated, because of one mad man's quest to invade his neighbour. I have had row upon row with people about their warped sense of reality, as a sovereign nation is systematically wiped from the map of Europe, without a thought for the mounting lives lost. Evil does exist and is thriving in The Kremlin; it is up to us to stand up and be counted.

Russia has banned many social media platforms in the country, and it has become increasingly difficult getting a message of hope across to the Russian people. Many Russians I had been in contact with are no longer online, and that is a shame. Putin's regime has begun the process of retreating behind a new 'Iron curtain' and returning to its rogue status of old. I can vaguely recollect being taught about the old Cold War in school, beginning with that inimitable quote from Churchill, after World War II in March 1946; 'From Stettin in the Baltic to Trieste in the Adriatic, an Iron Curtain has descended across the continent.' Remembering the dark days of the Cold War, I am mindful of the literature sent through the post, documenting what we should do in the event of a nuclear war. I recall the separation of families in East and West Berlin and the eventual fall of the Berlin Wall in 1989, the pivotal event that finally saw the beginning of the end of Communism. Never did I think we would be here again, at this juncture, closer to World War III than we ever have been before.

The World is once again a more dangerous place than it was just a few weeks ago, and President Putin shows no sign of stopping his rampage across Ukraine. Peace talks are ongoing, and there have been some more positive noises coming from the negotiations, but the reality is, we are all in for a particularly torrid, tense and unpredictable time; the World has changed dramatically overnight and none of us know how this will end. I can't stop thinking about those poor souls who have lost their lives and the millions of others hiding in shelters under war torn streets. I want to end this entry today by expressing my hope for the future, but in reality I can't. A realist first, I believe this war has a long way to run, involving many more lives sent hurtling into the theatre of war.

This is another blog entry, I have been in two minds about writing, mainly because of the way I am feeling, after the Russian invasion of Ukraine. I am from a generation who understands just how bad the last Cold War was and, consequently, just how close to World War III we have come in the past.

Last Sunday I spoke to my Father on the telephone; during our weekly chat the both of us generally talk about politics, so this week has been no exception. I explained my concerns to Dad, who, at fourteen years old, was able to remember the Cuban Missile Crisis in 1962. After thinking for a moment, he explained, in that 'Dad voice' I remember from childhood, that everything would be alright and told me I shouldn't worry. According to my Father, the nuclear deterrent would stop both sides from annihilating each other in a third World war, and he had faith negotiations would prevail.  As for me, well, I'm not so sure!

The two photographs above illustrates just how little we have learnt from nearly eighty years of peace. The top picture, shows a Father waving goodbye to his child, as he stays behind in Kyiv to fight the Russian invaders in 2022. Below, an American soldier, similarly waves farewell to his infant son, as he leaves for Europe to fight during the Second World War; photographs taken eight decades apart, but in very similar circumstances. Why the hell are we still fighting wars? Putin is no different to Hitler. The situation today is so similar it is uncanny; an autocratic leader invades his neighbour to protect his citizens. Ring any bells? History is indeed repeating itself!

As a natural worrier, I have never been so anxious, as I have been this past week. I have been making my voice heard on social media, and many friends and colleagues have been less than impressed. Preferring to block out what is happening in Ukraine, they have deleted me from their Facebook. In truth, I couldn't care less, if I have an opinion, I will voice it. I am so upset by the extreme scenes of suffering in Ukraine, that I feel I have to speak up, as all of us should. If people want to bury their head in the sand, then so be it, I am just not one of them.

Of course, I am also afraid of the future. Putin has already threatened to use nuclear weapons, and all of us should be aware of what could happen, just as we were during the Cold War. With the war not going to plan in Ukraine, I can see a situation when President Putin's anger supersedes rational judgement, and he does consider pressing the button. He is totally unhinged at the moment, according to most sources I have read, and this makes him a danger to the World. There is nothing I can personally do about this crisis, so with no control, I am feeling backed into a corner and, like everyone else, just waiting to see what happens next; these are indeed anxious days. Some of us show it more than others, and I feel it difficult to function normally under these extreme circumstances. I remember during the Falklands War in the early 1980s, I felt exactly the same and was never able to handle the fear I felt every day. I am a peacemaker, not a warmonger, it conflicts with my sense of wellbeing.

The horrific scenes in Ukraine have been heart-wrenching and disturbing. I am not a person who often cries, but I really have shed tears over the last week. The Russians have intensified their attack on the people of Ukraine and the human cost is mounting. People are dying unnecessarily, in a war they don't understand. None of us are clear as to why there is fighting. This is Putin's war, not Russia's or the Russian peoples.

Listening to the despair, as refugees reach the Polish, Moldovan and other borders in the West, it is clear just how much damage this illegal war is causing. Structurally, homes, businesses, hospitals, and infrastructure has been destroyed at an alarming rate. Yesterday even a nuclear power Station, the largest in Europe, was attacked, in a senseless, dangerous act, by Russian forces. So far, a million and a half people have left Ukraine with just a single bag. Old, vulnerable, young children, Mothers, and their family pets are crossing into other countries, trying to shelter from the war further East. As a result, the humanitarian crisis is getting worse and all of us have to do what we can to help.

At work, we have been collecting essential items for a local school to be sent out to the victims of this disaster. We are always a great bunch of people during testing times, as we were during the pandemic, and everyone is pulling together to collect and donate items to the poor people of Ukraine. Items are being stored at the Customer Service desk where I work, and it has been emotional seeing just how much people care. Spending up to a hundred pounds per person, colleagues are rising to the challenge and doing what good people do. None of us understand why Ukraine is being attacked, least of all civilians, indiscriminately bombed by an aggressive, advancing Russian force. I pray this ends soon, before this conflict spirals completely out of control.

With the World once again in turmoil, it was wonderful to see an old friend this week. Stephen was spending a few days in the South, after his Mother sadly passed away. I have known Ste for nearly thirty years, and he was one of the last people I saw before I left for Spain in 2018, which is actually the last time I saw him. Like me, he is extremely politically motivated and as well as catching up, we also discussed the state of the World. It does help to chat with other people, at least it does for me, because it allows me to get feelings and emotions off my chest.

Having been in the RAF, Stephen was able to reassure me, rather like my Father did, but like me, is aghast at just what is happening in Ukraine. None of us have had it good over the last few years and Ste has suffered more than most, but neither of us could have predicted the events of today, following the worst pandemic in over a hundred years. I think like most people, we just feel tired and exhausted of the constant difficulties, pressure, and chaos that feels all consuming at the moment. The fact I saw an old friendly face, does at least pull me back to reality for a bit and make me realise just what is important. The World may well be in a mess, but at least I have some uniquely special people around me, reassuring me, how great life can be. Friendships make the journey so much easier, and just as we have done so many times before, create a conduit for conversation, that our leaders could learn from themselves.

Whatever happens next, it is encouraging to know we are all in this together. The dark thoughts I have and not specific to me, they are a broader acknowledgement of the failure of leadership and the beginning of a new chapter in life, that is likely to be bumpier than before. With the support of all those around us, we will survive the oncoming pain, concentrating our efforts on the people who need it, remaining steadfast, resolute and sane.