Category: Australia

Partnership!

24/3/2019

This morning while getting ready for work I received a text message from Darrell in Australia, telling me he missed me, words we often exchange, considering the great distance between us and our inability to say it to each other face to face. We have been living apart now for six months, as he continues to care for his ailing Mother in Australia, during her battle with terminal cancer. I miss my husband everyday and find our current circumstances difficult to endure at times. When you have to live away from the person you love, you really do feel the stresses and strains of life ten fold. Today I have to cope with life as a single man, not something I am used to, having been in a relationship since I was eighteen years old and on days like today our separation does take its toll.

I have always believed in relationships, taking a lead from my parents and their fifty two years together. I have never seen eye to eye with Mum and Dad on most things, but have always admired their sense of loyalty to one another and the love they share. Relationships do indeed have their ups and downs and like most people, Darrell and I have gone through some very rough times, that aren't over yet, as we both approach our fifties. Unlike most people however, we have always worked through our issues. There have been many times when we could have split up, but our shared experiences and understanding for one another has allowed us to forgive and forget far more willingly. Relationships are about partnership and we have always been there for one another, no matter what the circumstances.

The limits of what we can stand as a couple has been tested in recent years and we have had to adjust our life dramatically to accommodate ever changing circumstances. Darrell is living in Australia with his Mother once again, as he did in 2016/17, when she was first diagnosed with cancer. This time I am lucky enough to be staying with family in the UK, a Godsend when I remember the challenging situation I experienced in Spain. There I lived alone, just me and my two cats; I spent seven months struggling to survive in the harsh Spanish climate, without any support at all. I miss Darrell everyday, but I can cope far better, being around those I love.

When I look back over our twenty four years as a couple I am well aware of just how much we rely on one another, even today. In the past, our life followed the same path, we had the same friends, at times the same employer and were always a pair that went out together, with friends or otherwise. Despite being surrounded by my Aunt and numerous Cousins, Mum, Dad and work colleagues on a daily basis, rarely having five minutes to myself, I essentially remain lonely and feel like I am drifting all at sea, without my right hand man. I am not enjoying this period away from my partner, I am doing what I have to, doing the right thing and doing what is expected of me at this time. Our wishes are not important right now, other people have to take priority; eventually when all this is over, we will be together once again.

None of us know what will happen in our lives, who we will meet, form relationships with and ultimately spend the rest of our lives with, but we are all well aware of the here and now. I have come to the realisation that we should all live life in the present, especially in our case. We can not make plans, because the path we are currently on is ever changing and just when we think our life is back on track, we are thrown another obstacle to overcome. I have long given up on planning for the future and will in all probability continue to struggle for the foreseeable future. For me there is no oasis on the horizon and I will just have to continue fighting to survive. I am not trying to deliberately sound downbeat but I am trying to build a sense of reality and reluctantly accept my current situation, which isn't ideal.

In one months time I will finally meet up with Darrell once again as we rondezvous in Hong Kong and together with my Aunt fly to Korea, enjoying ten days as a couple, no doubt arguing and stressing as every other couple do on holiday. It will be a welcome break for both of us navigating our way through this demanding period in both our lives. Darrell and I can briefly relax and have a little bit of quality time together, despite the pressures on us both right now. We may well be living thousands of miles apart, but the story of our partnership goes on. The bumps in the road make for a rocky ride but the thrill of exertion keeps memories alive!

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Quality Time!

2/1/2019

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A big thank you to everyone for asking how Darrell is getting on in Australia, since he left the UK two months ago. He has settled in as well as can be expected under the circumstances, staying with his Mother in Perth, Western Australia. Like me in the UK, he has reconnected with friends and family, people he hasn't seen for many years and is enjoying being around those close.

We have spoken to each other often over the last nine weeks and it is clear that although he is happy to be with his Mother, he isn't particularly euphoric about being back in Australia itself. It isn't the Country he left behind in 1995, there has been dramatic changes to his homeland and he is finding it difficult to adjust to life down under, as he did when he returned for seven months in 2016. We have both discussed the path we need to follow, when this testing time comes to an end and both feel Australia is probably not an option. The hurdles we would have to cross and the nature of Australian society is not what we want at our time of life. We haven't made any firm decisions about where to live long term and are content to go with the flow for now!

Darrell has adopted a feral cat called Nakita who is helping him during his stay. At the moment, the summer has just kicked in in Australia and the temperature is rising, unlike back here in Britain. Darrell hasn't experienced an English winter in many years and consequently his body clock is finding it problematic. Australia is indeed a wonderful country but it isn't necessarily the long term future we both desire.

Darrell had a very quiet Christmas and New Year like me, spending time with his kinfolk and close friends. Unlike the UK, Australians don't tend to celebrate the festive season in the same way, understandable, when one considers the raging hot temperatures across the region. Family is important for both of us right now, so that is our priority. During this period, Darrell has stayed close to his Mum and enjoyed all the benefits that brings. Living in Britain for over twenty years has taught him the value of relationships, especially with his Mother; one never truly realises the significance of our parents, until they are gone. None of us can be sure how long we have left with them, so we should all do what we can to cement our family bonds, creating enduring and everlasting memories that will stay with us for a life time; both Darrell and I are doing just that!

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Soulmate!

26/11/2018

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Today my partner and husband Darrell is celebrating his Birthday, at home in Australia. It is difficult being away from the person you love, especially at times of celebration, so today I thought I would speak briefly about our life together.

We met each other in 1995, whist Darrell was back packing around the UK, initially staying with friends in Newbury and later moving to Southampton. At first I didn't get on with this arrogant Ozzie and we rarely spoke, but gradually over time, we both became friends and later partners. When our relationship began twenty three years ago, we both ran away to Australia with just the clothes on our backs, establishing our relationship together. These were carefree, innocent times, happy days spent at first in London staying in the worst of hotels, with the happiest of memories, before we caught our flight to Perth, and finally Australia itself, a world away from the life I left behind!

We travelled from one side of the World to the other for a few years, eventually settling in Britain. I personally found it very difficult to adjust to Australian life and for twenty years we lived relatively happily in the UK. I say relatively, because our life was never really normal from the get go. Fighting successive Governments, to allow Darrell and I to remain together in the UK on a permanent basis, became a common aspect of our life. Deportation orders, Judicial Reviews and appeals to the Home Office, together with a change of Prime minister, eventually allowed us to stay together unhindered in 2001, after six years of battling.

During those 'bipolarcoaster' years we put much of our life on hold, unable to follow the careers we wanted, because of rules that prevented us from doing so. Both of us drifted from job to job, surviving and enjoying our new found freedoms. A combination of lifestyle and bullying, eventually opened the door for us to follow a new life in Spain. If we thought we battled in Britain, Spain was an altogether more intense period of hardship. The majority of the three years we spent living abroad we lived apart, as Darrell flew to and from Australia caring for his Mother, who was diagnosed with cancer a few months after our arrival.

We fought hard to stay in Spain, Darrell eventually obtaining his right to remain there, after returning indelibly in May 2017. For a while life was good; Darrell worked at Alicante Airport driving and I worked for a bar in Gran Alacant. This brief period of contentment didn't last like most things in our life, after the Spanish authorities threatened to remove his EU license, due to his Australian nationality. At this point we both decided enough was enough and I returned to the UK. Darrell remained in Spain to finish his employment contract and I began the process of reconnecting with family, after my Mother also fell seriously ill.

After four months Darrell returned to the UK before flying to Australia to care for his ailing Mother, leaving me firmly rooted in Portsmouth, living with family, while my Mum also battles illness. We are both once again living apart for reasons beyond our control, but the enduring strength of longevity ensures we are very much a couple still, and will always be so.

As Darrell celebrates his Birthday with family in Australia, we are more self aware and comfortable with who we are than we ever have been. From a relationship that saw us together 24/7 for our first twenty years together, to our current circumstances, forging our own unique ways in life independently, for now. The sense of achievement and satisfaction at our forbearance as a couple is palpable; I am proud of us and looking forward to a future that was born from adversity. We will survive because we have to, we are the sum of our own experiences because we have learned to, and we have a history behind us that dictates who we have become.

The milestones in our life our many, the journey is not yet over and I am looking forward to many more happy years together. Happy Birthday Darrell, all my love! x

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Looking After Mum!

17/10/2018

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Darrell has been in Australia for a little over a week now and has began the process of reintegrating into Australian life. The last time he was down under was in 2016/17, so adjusting to his new circumstances in Perth isn't going to be as difficult as it was then, after a sixteen year absence. I haven't been there since 1998, but judging on the photographs Darrell has sent, it has changed dramatically over the years, three times larger than it was.

These are difficult times for us as a couple, but we have been here before and will survive the coming months. Both of us are doing what's best for our families at this time, putting our own lives on hold for a while. As all of us get older, my generation will undoubtedly face similar issues, not as difficult as ours but nevertheless our aged parents will become more of a priority; how we deal with this will determine who we are as people. I believe strongly in being there for my Mum and Dad, as does Darrell, that creates its own set of problems, but we are both prepared to do what is best for them, after all we have the rest of our lives ahead of us, they do not!

Darrell has managed to navigate the official paperwork necessary for his stay and has been officially designated carer for his Mother. I spoke to him first thing this morning; he had just got back from hospital, where his Mother is said to be doing well. The treatment she has to endure isn't the most comfortable of things to witness, but Darrell remains philosophical about his role, and hopes his stay will encourage his Mother towards a more positive outlook.

It is strange, neither of us have experience of dealing with illness, except our own once in a while; the odd cold, a bout of flu and a few cuts and scrapes, but we are both doing what we feel is right. Somebody said to me the other day, that they believed we shouldn't be sacrificing our own happiness and Marriage and what we were doing could be counterproductive in the long term. At some point both of us need to come back together as a couple, we are well aware of that; we just have no idea when that will be.

People have their own views on our decisions and would probably do things differently. We are both lucky to have close family and friends, supporting us through this period. Without their backing the decisions we have taken may have been very different. For now, we will continue doing things our way, take each day as it comes, build our lives in our respective countries and wait until the day we are once again reunited! Our friends point of view is important, but they will not influence the choices we make, we will always determine our own destiny, as they should also!

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Singapore!

8/10/2018

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Darrell has finally arrived in his home city of Perth in Western Australia, after a five day trip that took him across Asia, to Singapore, where he spent four days recovering from what he described as an horrendous journey. Like me, Darrell has never been fond of flying, despite our rather jet set lifestyle, flying to many different parts of the World. Here are a few photographs from his stay in Singapore; today he is finally spending time with family in Australia!

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Homeward Bound!

4/10/2018

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In the early hours of Tuesday morning, Darrell left for Australia, catching the 2.30am coach from Portsmouth to Gatwick Airport. Monday was quite an emotional day for both of us, as we said our final farewells once again. Over the last few years, Darrell and I have spent more time apart than we ever have done, during our 23 year relationship. Circumstances are dictating our life at the moment and we just have to let events take there course!

After working all day, I was able to spend some time with Darrell before he left the UK, not as much as I would have liked, but work comes first. Cousin Emmy popped over with baby Thomas, to spend the morning with Darrell and our friend Nathan came over in the evening to say goodbye; people Darrell will miss tremendously!

It really has been a whirlwind of a month, our time together has gone way to quickly. It only seems like yesterday that Darrell arrived from Spain, but we have been able to spend some quality time together at least. Discussing the future, reliving old memories and reconnecting with friends and relatives alike, have all been on our rather packed agenda. Memories are important, especially now; until we know where our life is heading, it is crucial to keep the flames of family burning. Darrell has been able to see my Mother and Father at a particularly difficult time and has laid to rest the ghosts of the past. Cementing bonds with those close will be a major factor in deciding where both our futures lie!

I will endeavour to keep all the readers of 'Roaming Brit' updated on Darrell's progress, as he traverses the country of his birth, caring for his Mother, while she too faces punishing choices. Both of us would like to express our gratitude to everyone for their support at this time and hope to thank each and everyone of you personally for your good wishes and words of comfort.

Until our paths cross once again!

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Australia - Vote In Favour Of Same Sex Marriage!

15/11/2017

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When I got in from work last night, news was just filtering through from Australia, that those eligible to vote in the Australian Plebiscite to legalise gay marriage, had voted in favour of this historic change; 61.6% voted yes, determining the fate of this contentious subject, at least in the eyes of the Australian people!

This is an important step forward, not only for Australia, but also for Darrell and myself. In 2015 we made the decision to move to Spain, because it was impossibly difficult for me to return to Australia, with my partner and begin the process of rebuilding our life there. Our marriage was not recognised officially and we would need to pay around $10,000 for a visa, allowing me to stay with Darrell; a figure out of our reach at the time. A similar visa for a married hetrosexual couple, would be a tenth of this figure. Discrimination was still alive and kicking Down Under!

Moving to Spain was a first step, in our eventual relocation to Darrell's home country, something we plan to do one day in the future; certainly not yet, we have amazing opportunities ahead of us in Spain, using our time here to see as much of Europe as we can, before we eventually settle into retirement on the other side of the world.

The decision to allow the same sex marriage, should never have been decided in a public vote. Politicians in Canberra should have had the courage to legislate this union into law; instead a weak government, lead by Prime Minister Malcolm Turnball sidestepped the issue, due to the support given to his party, by a so called 'religious freedom' coalition, blocking the issue being decided by parliament. Prime Minister Turnball's own political future took priority over the rights of others.

Luckily the Australian public voted in favour of legalising gay marriage, one of the last western nations to do so; a shocking indictment on what used to be one of the most liberated countries of the world. The Prime Minister has indicated, he wants same sex marriage on the statute books by Christmas, lets hope he keeps his word; good luck Australia, welcome to the 21st century!

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My Mate Marmite - Travellers Advice!

12/9/2017

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You either love it, or you hate it!

In this months GA Advertiser I wrote candidly about the things I miss about the UK. As someone who was brought up on Marmite, the black stuff is undoubtedly one of the British staples that I miss the most. You can of course buy Marmite and Bovril here in Spain; a small jar will cost as much as a large one in the UK. This is a constant annoyance for those of us who love the little jars, but we shouldn't be taking it out, on those who stock their shelves with these and many other products, from back in Blighty. Without these dedicated shopkeepers, we wouldn't be able to purchase Marmite, Bovril and even the Australian substandard equivalent, Vegemite (I say that jokingly, since my partner is Australian and adores it). From the British Supermarket, Dialprix, Mercadona and Consum, you can buy British fodder in all their international isles, which will help satisfy every addicts needs. These shops have to pay far more for imported items, so you are going to have to pay more; stop moaning at the shopkeepers, they are not charities! Interestingly, Darrell has just got back from the British Supermarket on Av Escandinavia, where he has picked up a jar of Vegemite, which they very kindly order in for him. If they don't have something you want, just ask them, maybe, just maybe they can help!

A plane journey away

Like most people, we have had a lot of visitors travelling out to Spain to see us, especially this year; it has been non stop. I don't expect friends and family to pay for their stay in my tiny abode, which certainly isn't four star, but what I do want is a gift or five of Marmite. One of our last visitors to arrive was a friend called Justin, who bought us the biggest jar he could find, only to have it confiscated at airport security. For the purpose of air travel, Marmite is classed as a liquid and should not be stored in carry on bags but put in ones suitcase in the hold. If like most people, you are only carrying hand luggage these days, understandable when you are charged so much extra for a suitcase, Marmite introduced a new 70g jar in 2015, specifically for those bringing loved ones a jar or two from the UK. This is more of a gimmick and most Marmite lovers would get through a small jar within a day or two.

For anyone arriving to stay with myself and Darrell, I do have a solution to the 'Marmite problem.' You can bring 100 ml of liquid with you, in your hand luggage, if you are not bringing a suitcase with you. You can buy special plastic containers, which are airline friendly, usually used for shampoos and creams, needed for your holiday; purchased from all good retailers, an example of which, I have enclosed to your left. Buy the squeezy plastic jars of Marmite and squeeze the contents into these especially made containers. Place the filled bottles into a clear plastic bag and walk through customs with ease. This is the only way you will be able to bring larger quantities of Marmite or Bovril through airport check in. If you choose to bring larger jars in your suitcase, then make sure they are packed well, secured against knocks and scrapes from rather over zealous baggage handling staff!.

Did you know, Spain is now the fifth biggest importer of British food; this may or may not be because of the large Expat population here, but it does show even the Spanish enjoy eating some rather unique products, that even I thought, were only consumed by the most hardened Brit. Friends, family and visitors to Expats now living in Europe and further afield, will always bring those little necessities over. As long as you follow the guidelines, Expats everywhere should get their presents from Britain and you can be assured of a warm welcome on your arrival!

I've enclosed a couple of videos about the Marmite Gene Project. Apparently, your genes determine whether you love or hate Marmite; a fascinating watch!

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End of Interlude!

9/7/2017

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There isn't a lot of time left now, before the new bar opens next week. We went out for a few drinks last night, having a fabulous time as usual. This is the last weekend before Darrell and I start working, so it was appropriate to spend time with friends. It has been exactly a year, since I was last employed at Dunbar's, so the first few weeks, opening a new bar are going to be something of a culture shock for me; in a good way of course!

In today's blog entry, I wanted to reflect over the last year; boy what a year it has been, for both Darrell and myself. This time last year I had finished working at Dunbar's, as Darrell prepared to travel to Australia; spending the final month together before his departure at the beginning of August. We had never spent longer than a week apart from each other in twenty two years; having to spend seven months without one another was going to be hard. Having just moved to a foreign country, without a trusted support network and without an income, were just some of the obstacles we had to overcome, in what was a most difficult year, one I would rather forget and certainly not a time I would want to revisit again.

Surviving on ones own, isn't something I have done very often in my life, in fact the last time I had to do it, was when I attended University in 1992. I was never any good at living as a single man and found this last year hard. I did of course have a small group of people around me; although these people are no longer there, I am grateful they were at the time. In reality I spent most of the time on my own, or with Jamie, before he left for home in January of this year. After the trauma of Oxfam I was and still am, very reluctant to invite people into my life. Even in Gran Alacant, we have experienced difficulties with individuals, who others had warned us about. Only now am I able to stand tall and have the courage of my own convictions.

The last year, has taught me a great deal; hardships tend to make us stronger and I have learned to live in a way, only my grandparents would understand. Living on 10,00€ a week, is not something I have ever had to endure, but am grateful I did it. Living hand to mouth at my time of life, is not a way of life I would recommend, but the life lessons you learn are invaluable. As a person, I have always been independent, not wanting to ask anyone for anything. I was more likely to get taken from or used, even if I didn't have a cent to my name; not any longer however; hardship has also taught me to harden up, say no and walk away.

While Darrell was away in Australia, I was trying to live my life, the best way I could and am lucky enough today, to have gained a strong network of friends, who have been more than generous, towards us. We have gradually changed our circle of contacts over the last year, as our life, and those we used to be friends with, have changed direction. This is probably the first time in my life, when I have actually finally began to think of myself and Darrell only. When you have nothing, you have nothing to give; the networkers and takers, also tend to avoid people like us, because we have nothing worth taking. You are finally left with a small group of people, close, good quality friends, with no expectations on anyone's part.

With Jamie leaving in January, my life really did take a downward spiral. Jamie left me financially in a mess and it was touch and go, whether or not I would survive. With Darrell caring for his Mother and having no source of income, these were dark times, during a particularly bad winter in Spain. This was the lowest point in my life here, the last few months before Darrell returned were deeply disturbing. I saw friends less and less, as they had their own lives to lead and initial reasons of companionship dwindled away.

I managed to pop out as often as a could, to my local pub, Zest in Sierra Mar. I have never been a person, who walked into bars on my own and to be honest never needed to, but when you are feeling low and in need of company, with few people to rely on, it is the ideal place to sit, relax and unwind. The people who work at Zest are great, whose company I enjoy; each of them were there for me, during difficult times. I have formed many close bonds and am lucky enough to call many of those who work there, friends. Zest will always be my local, somewhat of a sanctuary, away from the stresses of life in Spain.

Natalee Michele is back in our life, after we fell our nearly a year before. Darrell arranged for us to meet at Zest, where we sorted out our differences finally, realising in the process that out initial reasons for breaking contact, were probably made up in the minds of others, trying to drive a wedge between friends. It is good to have her back and I am thankful to all those who played their part in getting us talking again.

Our first cat Precious, died in March. Her health had become steadily worse over the winter and by March, she was practically lifeless. A friend, Paul took me and Precious to the vets in Santa Pola, where I decided to have her put to sleep. The lady vet thought she had experienceda brain hemorrhage and suggested the most humane option. This all happened on the day Darrell returned to the UK, renewing his visa and sorting out the last of the paperwork for residencia in Spain. Like Darrell, I miss Precious everyday; we still have Lily, although after the death of her sister, she has aged dramatically; I don't think she is long for this world. I am happy we rescued Lily and continue to give her a good life. Animals play a very important role in a home.

Darrell in Britain

Darrell returned home in the middle of May, finally back together, hopefully for good. I am not sure whether this is the end of the tough times or not. The insecurity and anxiety I feel is still there, inside of me, after such testing times. I still believe there are real struggles ahead for us both, as we adapt to yet another new chapter in our life. This will once again be a learning curve, a time that will help secure our life in Spain or not and hopefully avoid returning to Britain anytime soon. The bipolarcoaster ride, I have been on since 2014 continues unabated. In time as we both gain the security we deserve, the ups and downs of our life will cease to be important. A smooth ride is all I desire, doing our time, forebearance over personal burden and vestigial perseverance, in the face of disaster, will help to repair the damage of the past. To learn, is to evolve; evolving helps to forget; always a reminder of challenges overcome!

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On His Way Home!

28/2/2017

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It's been a gorgeous day today, lovely and warm 22 degrees, perfect weather for me. I have been getting the house ready for Darrell's return on Friday. He has just left Perth, flying to Sydney; spending some time in Hong Kong, then finally, to London and Alicante.

Darrell was quite emotional when we spoke this morning. Leaving his Mother after seven months, is going to be a wrench for him and her. Neither of us know where life will take us now; we have a lot of things to discuss when he arrives. I am looking forward to seeing my partner, we haven't seen each other for a long time!

You know what, I just wanted to say this. Sometimes, when I look at my friends and family on line, I wish I had the life they have. The day I worry about the mundane things, will be the day I am finally happy; I don't see that day coming anytime soon. Putting ones life on hold, to care for a loved one, isn't something, either of us had bargained for. It has left us in a very precarious position financially and ultimately will determine, where our life goes from here.

This is the one time, that I am not optimistic about a positive outcome. I have been very driven, until recently. Living on thin air, has taken its toll on me. It may well be time for radical solutions to solve our current predicament.

We have a very uncertain future ahead, that's for sure but we have to make the best of our situation, if we can. I have always been a fighter, for me it's just another struggle, to overcome; I am just glad we will be back together!