Christmas is coming and it is going to be yet another milestone that Darrell and I won't be enjoying together. This is actually my favourite time of year, so not spending it with my partner is going to be difficult. I have seriously been thinking about upping sticks and just getting on a plane and going to be with him in Australia - easier said than done I hear you say, but I am finding life particularly taxing at the moment; I am not enjoying it one bit!

'Compared to other people, I really don't have a lot to complain about!' This is all I am told, encouraged to 'knock myself out of it,' whatever 'it' is and get on with life. However, these are the people who really have no concept of what I am going through and the torment I feel every day. These are the people with perfect lives, wife, 2.4 children and an 'easy ride;' these are the people who have no idea what it is like to struggle, fight, battle and strive, and I am sick of hearing their opinions!

Today I am feeling angry, angry at the World and angry with myself. I wish I had gone to Australia when I had the chance, despite the difficulties involved; I surely would have muddled through. This bloody pandemic is getting me down yes, but the reaction of people is grating on me even more. No one cares about anyone, just themselves and how they are missing their annual holiday, can't go to their favourite restaurant or have that extra pint in the pub, because it is closing early. I am fed up with their selfish attitude towards others. They only wear masks when they want, refuse to socially distance, break all the rules and think they have the right to ignore the rest of us - well they don't, and they should be bloody ashamed of themselves!

I may well not be suffering like other people in the physical sense, but mentally I am drained and at the end of my tether. I haven't seen my husband for a year and have no idea when I will be allowed to see him again. If all you have to whinge about, is boredom on a Saturday night, because everything shuts at 10pm, the lack of quinoa on supermarket shelves or the queues outside Primark for your cheap, nasty clothes, then you really have no idea what heartache is. Yes I am bitter and feeling sorry for myself, yes it is rather self-indulgent, sybaritic and unrestrained but I have a voice and today I want to shout out loud from the rooftops... I have a reason to roar, can you really say the same!

Rant over!!!!

I've had a pretty unremarkable week if I am honest, just plenty of working on the agenda. Since the easing of lockdown restrictions, I have become busier than ever, doing as much overtime as possible. Saving money rather than spending it is a rather alien concept for me, but nevertheless I have been doing just that, tirelessly, and have built up quite a nest egg for the future. Today I actually have more money than I have ever had and am finally looking forward to a rosy future. Equally, Darrell is saving hard in Australia and by the time this dreadful pandemic has passed, we should have enough money to finally settle down in the country of our choice..

Darrell travelled home to Kalgoorlie this week, a gold mining town in the Western Australian outback.  Once a year, he is given a free ticket to travel anywhere in the state for a holiday, offering a welcome break away from the pressure he is under every day. Travelling to see his old school friend Tina, he was able to walk a path he hasn't walked for many years, remembering his childhood in a town that he has had a rather difficult relationship with.

Kalgoorlie is a small town, deep in the Australian desert, with a big attitude. Rather like small town America, Kalgoorlie has its fair share of extreme views, conservative values and right wing attitudes, from a bygone era that most of us are glad to see the back of. Darrell used to tell me about his feelings growing up gay in this provincial back-water, where men were men and women knew their place. In truth, he didn't paint a very nice picture of the place, constantly referring to it as a dust bowl, homophobic and racist. This is the place where he grew up however and in the same way I still hold my childhood home of Fareham with affection, I could tell in his voice, he was happy to see it once again.

Speaking to Darrell on the phone it was clear he enjoyed his trip away. Seeing the changing scenery as the train travelled through open farm land and bush, relaxing on the six-hour journey was refreshing after the year he has had.

Staycations both in the UK and Australia are 'all the rage,' as a television commentator referred to it on 'Good Morning Britain' this morning. All of us are trying to make the most of worldwide lockdown conditions in this COVID era, so staying at home is part of the 'new normal,' the order of the day. This arduous chapter has given Darrell the opportunity to travel back to a distinct time in his life, one that wasn't always happy or memorable. Like me, his childhood wasn't easy, but it made us both who we are and sometimes it helps to retrace one's steps along a road that essentially began our journey together. When I am able, I will also go to Australia and see the town where Darrell spent his childhood, until then I have been happy to see the photographs along with all of you.

Both of us returned home to our respective countries for the same reasons, to be with our families at a traumatic time. With my Mother sadly departed, I am no longer needed here; ideally I would like to fly to Australia to be with my husband and Mother, but with the World in so much turmoil, that is impossible, and I am making the best of my situation. Luckily I am staying with a loving Aunt and family, who have done everything to support me through these last couple of years. Despite everything, I do at least have the satisfaction of getting to know my extended family once again. All of us are where we are for a reason and it is clear, I am supposed to be here at this point in my life. This is a period I will remember for all eternity, a special phase, that I will never forget, this is a time I grew stronger as a person and finally realised where my heart belongs, with the person I fell in love with twenty-five years ago!

Like everyone else, I have been watching in horror at the disaster unfolding in Australia; wild fires causing devastation across the continent. Already an area the size of Belgium has been destroyed and half a billion animals lost in New South Wales alone. This is destruction on an unprecedented scale and I have been dumbfounded at the pictures I have seen on television.

I spoke to Darrell a few days ago in Western Australia, just to find out if he is OK. The fires are concentrated in the Eastern states and Darrell hasn't been directly affected by them, although there are still many wild fires ablaze in the west. The type of incidences we are witnessing usually occur in Darrell's home state, which is normally drier and hotter than the east, but this year the reverse is true and Australians can only watch, like the rest of the World, as the Eastern seaboard burns unabated.

I have lived in Australia twice with Darrell over the twenty four years we have been together and have experienced some particularly harsh weather. I remember it was so hot during the summer of 1998, that you couldn't even move to turn on the air conditioner. Australia is a country of extremes in every respect, one of the reasons I chose not to live there. However it is one of the most beautiful places I have ever lived and have many fond memories of my time living there. It is terribly sad seeing such awful scenes playing out in front of our eyes. The loss to Australia and the World is immeasurable.

The reaction of Scott Morrison and the Liberal Government is typical of politicians who understand nothing about the challenges Australians face everyday. The Prime Minister's decision to go on holiday, while Australia burned was unbelievable and shows his complete contempt for the public who voted him into office. This is a man who denies climate change is happening and continues to promote the mining of fossil fuels to keep the lights burning in Sydney. This vast nations reliance on outdated methods of Electricity production, when it could be investing in solar power, an abundant source Australia has unlimited access to, is shameful. This man's refusal to listen to climate change experts has been complicit in the severity of the fires raging across the Eastern states; it is people like him who continue to destroy this planet for no other reason than personal gain. Like Donald Trump, history will judge him harshly for his actions and lack of foresight. The World we live on is dying and no one is prepared to stand up and do the right thing!

Australia will burn for many more weeks yet, as the intensity of the summer grows stronger. As spectators to this travesty, we must do more to help those suffering in my second home Australia.

Please click on the link above, to give what you can to help those in greatest need and rebuild the shattered Eastern States of Australia.

Australia is burning, animals and lives are being lost - Make a donation, MAKE A DIFFERENCE!

This morning while getting ready for work I received a text message from Darrell in Australia, telling me he missed me, words we often exchange, considering the great distance between us and our inability to say it to each other face to face. We have been living apart now for six months, as he continues to care for his ailing Mother in Australia, during her battle with terminal cancer. I miss my husband everyday and find our current circumstances difficult to endure at times. When you have to live away from the person you love, you really do feel the stresses and strains of life ten fold. Today I have to cope with life as a single man, not something I am used to, having been in a relationship since I was eighteen years old and on days like today our separation does take its toll.

I have always believed in relationships, taking a lead from my parents and their fifty two years together. I have never seen eye to eye with Mum and Dad on most things, but have always admired their sense of loyalty to one another and the love they share. Relationships do indeed have their ups and downs and like most people, Darrell and I have gone through some very rough times, that aren't over yet, as we both approach our fifties.  Unlike most people however, we have always worked through our issues. There have been many times when we could have split up, but our shared experiences and understanding for one another has allowed us to forgive and forget far more willingly. Relationships are about partnership and we have always been there for one another, no matter what the circumstances.

The limits of what we can stand as a couple has been tested in recent years and we have had to adjust our life dramatically to accommodate ever changing circumstances. Darrell is living in Australia with his Mother once again, as he did in 2016/17, when she was first diagnosed with cancer. This time I am lucky enough to be staying with family in the UK, a Godsend when I remember the challenging situation I experienced in Spain. There I lived alone, just me and my two cats; I spent seven months struggling to survive in the harsh Spanish climate, without any support at all. I miss Darrell everyday, but I can cope far better, being around those I love.

When I look back over our twenty four years as a couple I am well aware of just how much we rely on one another, even today. In the past, our life followed the same path, we had the same friends, at times the same employer and were always a pair that went out together, with friends or otherwise. Despite being surrounded by my Aunt and numerous Cousins, Mum, Dad and work colleagues on a daily basis, rarely having five minutes to myself, I essentially remain lonely and feel like I am drifting all at sea, without my right hand man. I am not enjoying this period away from my partner, I am doing what I have to, doing the right thing and doing what is expected of me at this time. Our wishes are not important right now, other people have to take priority; eventually when all this is over, we will be together once again.

None of us know what will happen in our lives, who we will meet, form relationships with and ultimately spend the rest of our lives with, but we are all well aware of the here and now. I have come to the realisation that we should all live life in the present, especially in our case. We can not make plans, because the path we are currently on is ever changing and just when we think our life is back on track, we are thrown another obstacle to overcome. I have long given up on planning for the future and will in all probability continue to struggle for the foreseeable future. For me there is no oasis on the horizon and I will just have to continue fighting to survive. I am not trying to deliberately sound downbeat but I am trying to build a sense of reality and reluctantly accept my current situation, which isn't ideal.

In one months time I will finally meet up with Darrell once again as we rondezvous in Hong Kong and together with my Aunt fly to Korea, enjoying ten days as a couple, no doubt arguing and stressing as every other couple do on holiday. It will be a welcome break for both of us navigating our way through this demanding period in both our lives. Darrell and I can briefly relax and have a little bit of quality time together, despite the pressures on us both right now. We may well be living thousands of miles apart, but the story of our partnership goes on. The bumps in the road make for a rocky ride but the thrill of exertion keeps memories alive!

A big thank you to everyone for asking how Darrell is getting on in Australia, since he left the UK two months ago. He has settled in as well as can be expected under the circumstances, staying with his Mother in Perth, Western Australia. Like me in the UK, he has reconnected with friends and family, people he hasn't seen for many years and is enjoying being around those close.

We have spoken to each other often over the last nine weeks and it is clear that although he is happy to be with his Mother, he isn't particularly euphoric about being back in Australia itself. It isn't the Country he left behind in 1995, there has been dramatic changes to his homeland and he is finding it difficult to adjust to life down under, as he did when he returned for seven months in 2016. We have both discussed the path we need to follow, when this testing time comes to an end and both feel Australia is probably not an option. The hurdles we would have to cross and the nature of Australian society is not what we want at our time of life. We haven't made any firm decisions about where to live long term and are content to go with the flow for now!

Darrell has adopted a feral cat called Nakita who is helping him during his stay. At the moment, the summer has just kicked in in Australia and the temperature is rising, unlike back here in Britain. Darrell hasn't experienced an English winter in many years and consequently his body clock is finding it problematic. Australia is indeed a wonderful country but it isn't necessarily the long term future we both desire.

Darrell had a very quiet Christmas and New Year like me, spending time with his kinfolk and close friends. Unlike the UK, Australians don't tend to celebrate the festive season in the same way, understandable, when one considers the raging hot temperatures across the region. Family is important for both of us right now, so that is our priority. During this period, Darrell has stayed close to his Mum and enjoyed all the benefits that brings. Living in Britain for over twenty years has taught him the value of relationships, especially with his Mother; one never truly realises the significance of our parents, until they are gone. None of us can be sure how long we have left with them, so we should all do what we can to cement our family bonds, creating enduring and everlasting memories that will stay with us for a life time; both Darrell and I are doing just that!

Today my partner and husband Darrell is celebrating his Birthday, at home in Australia. It is difficult being away from the person you love, especially at times of celebration, so today I thought I would speak briefly about our life together.

We met each other in 1995, whist Darrell was back packing around the UK, initially staying with friends in Newbury and later moving to Southampton. At first I didn't get on with this arrogant Ozzie and we rarely spoke, but gradually over time, we both became friends and later partners. When our relationship began twenty three years ago, we both ran away to Australia with just the clothes on our backs, establishing our relationship together. These were carefree, innocent times, happy days spent at first in London staying in the worst of hotels, with the happiest of memories, before we caught our flight to Perth, and finally Australia itself, a world away from the life I left behind!

We travelled from one side of the World to the other for a few years, eventually settling in Britain. I personally found it very difficult to adjust to Australian life and for twenty years we lived relatively happily in the UK. I say relatively, because our life was never really normal from the get go. Fighting successive Governments, to allow Darrell and I to remain together in the UK on a permanent basis, became a common aspect of our life. Deportation orders, Judicial Reviews and appeals to the Home Office, together with a change of Prime minister, eventually allowed us to stay together unhindered in 2001, after six years of battling.

During those 'bipolarcoaster' years we put much of our life on hold, unable to follow the careers we wanted, because of rules that prevented us from doing so. Both of us drifted from job to job, surviving and enjoying our new found freedoms. A combination of lifestyle and bullying, eventually opened the door for us to follow a new life in Spain. If we thought we battled in Britain, Spain was an altogether more intense period of hardship. The majority of the three years we spent living abroad we lived apart, as Darrell flew to and from Australia caring for his Mother, who was diagnosed with cancer a few months after our arrival.

We fought hard to stay in Spain, Darrell eventually obtaining his right to remain there, after returning indelibly in May 2017. For a while life was good; Darrell worked at Alicante Airport driving and I worked for a bar in Gran Alacant. This brief period of contentment didn't last like most things in our life, after the Spanish authorities threatened to remove his EU license, due to his Australian nationality. At this point we both decided enough was enough and I returned to the UK. Darrell remained in Spain to finish his employment contract and I began the process of reconnecting with family, after my Mother also fell seriously ill.

After four months Darrell returned to the UK before flying  to Australia to care for his ailing Mother, leaving me firmly rooted in Portsmouth, living with family, while my Mum also battles illness. We are both once again living apart for reasons beyond our control, but the enduring strength of longevity ensures we are very much a couple still, and will always be so.

As Darrell celebrates his Birthday with family in Australia, we are more self aware and comfortable with who we are than we ever have been. From a relationship that saw us together 24/7 for our first twenty years together,  to our current circumstances, forging our own unique ways in life independently, for now. The sense of achievement and satisfaction at our forbearance as a couple is palpable; I am proud of us and looking forward to a future that was born from adversity. We will survive because we have to, we are the sum of our own experiences because we have learned to, and we have a history behind us that dictates who we have become.

The milestones in our life our many, the journey is not yet over and I am looking forward to many more happy years together. Happy Birthday Darrell, all my love! x

Darrell has been in Australia for a little over a week now and has began the process of reintegrating into Australian life. The last time he was down under was in 2016/17, so adjusting to his new circumstances in Perth isn't going to be as difficult as it was then, after a sixteen year absence. I haven't been there since 1998, but judging on the photographs Darrell has sent, it has changed dramatically over the years, three times larger than it was.

These are difficult times for us as a couple, but we have been here before and will survive the coming months. Both of us are doing what's best for our families at this time, putting our own lives on hold for a while. As all of us get older, my generation will undoubtedly face similar issues, not as difficult as ours but nevertheless our aged parents will become more of a priority; how we deal with this will determine who we are as people. I believe strongly in being there for my Mum and Dad, as does Darrell, that creates its own set of problems, but we are both prepared to do what is best for them, after all we have the rest of our lives ahead of us, they do not!

Darrell has managed to navigate the official paperwork necessary for his stay and has been officially designated carer for his Mother. I spoke to him first thing this morning; he had just got back from hospital, where his Mother is said to be doing well. The treatment she has to endure isn't the most comfortable of things to witness, but Darrell remains philosophical about his role, and hopes his stay will encourage his Mother towards a more positive outlook.

It is strange, neither of us have experience of dealing with illness, except our own once in a while; the odd cold, a bout of flu and a few cuts and scrapes, but we are both doing what we feel is right. Somebody said to me the other day, that they believed we shouldn't be sacrificing our own happiness and Marriage and what we were doing could be counterproductive in the long term. At some point both of us need to come back together as a couple, we are well aware of that; we just have no idea when that will be.

People have their own views on our decisions and would probably do things differently. We are both lucky to have close family and friends, supporting us through this period. Without their backing the decisions we have taken may have been very different. For now, we will continue doing things our way, take each day as it comes, build our lives in our respective countries and wait until the day we are once again reunited! Our friends point of view is important, but they will not influence the choices we make, we will always determine our own destiny, as they should also!

Darrell has finally arrived in his home city of Perth in Western Australia, after a five day trip that took him across Asia, to Singapore, where he spent four days recovering from what he described as an horrendous journey. Like me, Darrell has never been fond of flying, despite our rather jet set lifestyle, flying to many different parts of the World. Here are a few photographs from his stay in Singapore; today he is finally spending time with family in Australia!