Well here we are, the end of 2020, and I couldn't be happier to say goodbye to this terrible year. I am still in self-isolation, after my COVID exposure on 21 December, which has been driving me mad it has to be said. My period of quarantine ends tonight at 11.59, just in time for the new year. Like most people I won't be celebrating, so it isn't too much of an issue for me. Listening to the news earlier, it's clear all celebrations are cancelled across the country, with no firework displays, parties and events. This will be a strange night, very different to years gone by, and I will be in bed by 9pm for an early shift at work and my first day back tomorrow!

This is the second period of isolation I have had to do during this pandemic, and it really doesn't get any easier. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy having time to myself, but being confined indoors, not being able to leave the house, really does take its toll on ones sense of well-being, both physically and mentally. I have managed to catch up on my writing; I'm In the middle of writing my life story, even though it isn't finished quite yet... The book that is, not my life and I have also started reading again, a distraction I rarely have time for these days.

I have also let myself go somewhat, spending the last week in my Pyjamas and not shaving as I normally would every day; well what's the point, I'm only rattling around at home. I've also caught up with friends and family on the phone and had a well-earned rest. Watching television has also taken up a lot of my time, keeping up-to-date with the latest on the pandemic, which seems to be getting worse every day; formidably so!

People say to me, you spend too much time thinking about this damn pandemic, and I can't disagree. I have always had an interest in current affairs and politics, but this time it's more than that, it's personal. It may sound stupid, but the reality is, I don't want to end up ill or dead before I see Darrell again. I am truly scared that this virus will stop our relationship in its tracks, not because we will end up separating, that will never happen, but because of circumstances beyond our control.

Both of us have always been in control of our destiny together and when you are separated against your will, you have all sorts of thoughts and feelings slushing around your head. It feels like a pool of water, constantly shifting, moving, agitating against the sides of my skull, frequently keeping me awake and my mind active, sometimes paused ever so slightly, for a few seconds, just to burst back into life once more. This terrible virus has given me far too much time to think and my emotions are deeply skewed because of it!

Once again my procrastination has got to me and I need to get back to work, in the real World, no matter how bad things are at the moment, and return to normal. You can see why peoples mental health has suffered during the last year and quarantine just exacerbates negative thoughts and feelings. As I move into 2021, I want that positive side of me back, not the person who lives in the dark, never able to see the light.

A very Happy New Year to all of you, thank you for your continued support

To be honest, I was in two minds, whether to even write a review this year, but, this has been a particularly important milestone in my life, so it is necessary to include it. Generally one could sum up 2020 in one word 'COVID,' the one thing that has dominated all our lives and the one thing that just keeps on giving. This has been a memorable year for sure, but for all the wrong reasons and this isn't a period I want to repeat in the future. 2020 has been like a large dark cloud hovering over my head for nearly twelve months, rather like periods of depression I have suffered in the past, and it is a reminder of everything I have lost, in fact everything we have all lost. This was the year none of us want to remember and a time we all want to forget!

The last time I saw Darrell was in November 2019, when he returned home to be with his Mother, after a short stay in the UK. By January 2020, we were planning our next trip to see one another in Japan and Thailand. In February our flights were booked, itinerary finalised, and we were ready for our next holiday in Asia. At the beginning of the year, COVID-19 was a problem on the other side of the World and by the time we were due to meet, it would have disappeared. Little could I have known then, just what position I would be in today. I was optimistic about the future all those months ago and looking forward to seeing my husband once again, however dreams can shatter as quickly as they appear and circumstances destroy 'best laid plans of mice and men.'

This first quarter of the year was a far cry from the World we live in today. Things were relatively normal and like Darrell, I was in good spirits. This was short-lived; the pandemic took hold in Europe and then Britain; the tide began to change. As a country, we kept our boarders open, while Darrell's home country of Australia closed theirs. Death rates began to rise dramatically, and I felt myself falling into a situation I couldn't resolve. By the time of the first lockdown, I was feeling worn out and tired, as new social distancing measures were brought in. My working life changed markedly and the air was thick with anxiety, as all of us fought our own battles to overcome the 'new normal' we were all living through.

At the end of March, I suddenly lost my sense of taste and smell, along with several other colleagues. At the time this wasn't a recognised symptom of Coronavirus and although I knew there was something up, I carried on, very much in the same vein as I had before. Always obsessive, like I am today, I sanitized my hands every few minutes and kept as wider distance from others as I could. This virus was scaring the hell out of me; the more days that passed, the more we found out about this infection and the more apprehensive I became. Daily press conferences, twenty-four hour rolling news and scenes of sheer panic in hospitals, reinforced the nations respect for the National Health Service, as we clapped for carers every Thursday night. These were strange, unnerving and daunting days.

At the beginning of April, as I awoke one morning, after a sleepless night, I felt my temperature rising and my breathing more laboured. I immediately phoned 111 and described my symptoms. They were not classic COVID symptoms as we know them today, but they were enough for me to have to self-isolate for a week. After just a few days I felt well and able to return to work after my stretch of quarantine. People ask me today, if they think I had the virus, to which I reply 'yes, I think so.' You have to remember there were no tests available at the time and a loss of taste and smell wasn't recognised as a symptom like it is today. If I had to hazard a guess as to my condition, I would say it was virus related, but I am cautious. As someone who has many of the 'red flags' for a far worse reaction to COVID, I would have expected a more severe manifestation; that makes me unsure as to the reasons behind my anosmia; only time will tell.

I spent the summer walking across the city of Portsmouth; with time on my hands I was able to explore this great naval city I now call home. I decided to cut my hours at work and only go in when absolutely required to do so, protecting myself at every juncture. This allowed me time to myself and although I felt terribly lonely on occasion, I was grateful for the chance to do things I wouldn't normally have done. The three-month national lockdown improved my level of fitness, but left my mental state in tatters. Isolated, with very little human contact, I did my best to get through the difficulties, as I still do today.

The rest of the year, after lockdown has been much the same - in and out of quarantine, pubs reopening and closing, stopping and starting work, 'Eat Out To Help Out,' (which probably made the virus worse) and mistake after mistake from the powers that be. I have really lost all sense of reality over the last few months, unable to understand just what rules we have to follow, how many people we can have in our 'bubble,' or what all the different tier restrictions mean. After, what I can only describe as the 'continuing Government fiasco,' I have learnt to do what I think is best and always follow my own instincts. I have started to ignore the official wishy-washy approach to this virus and do all I can to look after number one. I always wear a mask, clean my hands and keep a two-meter distance from everyone else.

On the plus side, I have been able to meet my friend Ramona over the last three months, and we had begun to rekindle our thirty-year friendship. That was at least until we headed into a new lockdown of sorts and entered the new Tier 4. Equally, Darrell and I are speaking more than ever and are beginning to plan for the future, looking towards a brighter 2021.

As we approach the New Year, the UK has started to vaccinate us against this modern day plague, after the Pfizer vaccine was approved for use. It looks as though the Oxford AstraZeneca vaccine will also be rubber-stamped within days and the mass inoculation programme will pick up pace. Like most people I am hoping to be immunized against COVID-19 sometime next year. However, until then, there will likely be more disruption, as like me today, people are asked to self-isolate from the outside World, if they come in contact with a COVID positive person, and Britain moves from curtailment to emancipation in equal measure.

There will be no travelling for me next year, rather like 2020. I want to be sure I am fit enough to fly, but I am looking forward to a time, when I can get on a plane again and travel back to the Asian continent, a region I adore. Until that is possible, Darrell will hopefully fly home next year, and we can both begin the long hard slog back to normal, away from the threat of the virus. Cohabiting together once more after this strange pause in all our lives has been restarted, our partnership will return to convention and all of this will be but a distant memory. 2021, the year of the vaccine will mark the beginning of the end of COVID-19 and a climax to this dystopian World all of us now inhabit.

Well what a strange Christmas this has been. We were lucky enough to have been able to spend time with my Cousin Rachel and the kids, who are in our social bubble, but sadly we haven't been able to see anyone else. Christmas is of course for children, so it was lovely to see their faces light up on Christmas Day opening their presents. As a unit we spent quality time with each other, at a time of great anxiety and fear. Others were not quite so lucky.

Due to my Brother self-isolating, my father was unable to travel from his Tier 2 home to see him over Christmas. Sadly Dad had to spend the festive season alone, although with his home moving into Tier 4 on Boxing Day, it did seem he wouldn't have been able to drive there in any case. The rules are so long and confusing now, many of us, including me are just confused about the whole thing, but carrying on as best we can under the most extreme circumstances.

I managed to take a video call with my Father on Christmas morning, where we toasted family. We also remembered those who died and chatted about politics, as we always do. Dad managed to cook himself a Christmas meal, as well as having a few glasses of wine. He seemed relaxed, although looked rather sad, at being on his own this Christmas. There are of course many people in his position this year, I just hope next year, things will be very different.

Suitably fed, we played party games, watched some television and listened to music. If it wasn't for COVID, one could be forgiven for believing we are living in normal times. A rude awakening would change that tomorrow and reality would come knocking at the door!

On Boxing Day, as I sat watching the television, I received a message from 'Track and Trace' informing me that I had been in contact with someone who had Coronavirus and I should immediately quarantine myself, for a period of six days. It seems I came into contact with them on 22nd December. At first, I was rather confused why I hadn't been given a ten-day period of self-isolation, but realised, the app took account of when the infected person first reported symptoms; one of the great failures in this system. This was a shock to me; I am however extremely careful around people these days, so hope I will be fine, by the time I return to work on Friday.

It is rather unnerving when you receive that message, so much information to process, emails and text messages go back and forth, online forms to fill in and people to contact. It really is part of life now, as all of us come to terms with the new mutant COVID strain that is quickly running through the population. I will most certainly be wearing my mask at all times, inside and out and hope you will to.

Christmas has highlighted the importance of family in all our lives. Not being close to the people you love, just makes the burden of 2020 that much harder to bear. Understanding we will all see each other again and these terrible times won't last forever, is a great way to stay positive and look forward to better, productive and joyous times.

Please stay safe everyone!

Whilst everyone else keeps safe on furlough, the rest of us have to work for a living! I think you may detect a note of bitterness in my voice, which would explain my current state of mind. I continue making my journey to work each morning, working in a job I love; the rest of the country, or rather those being paid to do nothing, sit righteously on their thrones moaning about new Tier 4 restrictions that came into force yesterday. May I humbly suggest they look at key workers and vulnerable people who are having to work in the most strenuous of circumstances and are doing everything to keep safe. I, for one, am 100 percent behind the Government and their attempt to stem the tide of this new strain of the virus and so should you - the selfish hoi polloi, who care only about themselves! Of course, I am not saying you are all uncaring and inconsiderate, but a good many of you are!

Listening to the news last night and this morning, I was horrified to hear just how easily spread the new strain of this virus is. You have a higher chance of catching this illness, a 70 percent increase to be exact and people are still acting as though nothing is going on. Walking through Commercial Road in Portsmouth over the last few days, you could be forgiven for thinking you are living through normal times, but in reality we aren't. This is a bloody pandemic and I fail to understand why people are rebuffing the rules. If I am honest, this was a frightening experience and I am so glad all the 'non-essential' shops have been closed.

Before the Governments announcement yesterday, putting Portsmouth, Havant, Gosport, London and whole swathes of the South East into the new Tier 4, which is essentially a lockdown in all but name, I did get the chance to briefly see my Father. At first, I was weary about seeing him, since he lives in a Tier 2 area and at the time we were in Tier 3, but for me, it was necessary to connect with him,  no matter how brief it was.

My Father has spent most of this year on his own, so soon after my Mothers death, which has been difficult for him and all of us. This pandemic has really shown just how important family is, and I am angry that I haven't been able to see him as much as I would have liked. Not wanting to risk his health, I spent the briefest of time in his company, before getting back on a train and travelling straight back home.

Dad did look rather frail and alone, which was sad to see. He is of course well able to look after himself, having been Mum's carer for twenty years, but the lack of contact between family is taking its toll on him. He hasn't been too well himself lately, and I am sure he would feel a lot better, if those closest were around him more often. Families have been ripped apart by this virus, in life and especially in death, and I was almost tempted to give him a hug, but stopped myself at the last minute.

Dad had asked me what I wanted for Christmas, as he does every year. I have everything I need, so just asked for something personal from him, that I could keep close, especially at this time. To my surprise he gave me my Mothers Wedding ring, which I could wear around my neck on a chain, a memento I will always cherish. Apart from photographs, I don't have many reminders of my Mother, so this will be a gift, that will ensure she always remains close.  He told me they had chosen the ring together before their wedding in 1967 and had paid the princely sum of £20.00 for it, a lot of money back then, akin to a weeks wages.

We talked briefly about the state of the country, politics and family and I wished him a Happy Christmas, hoping to see him early next year, although I will more than likely see him at Easter, when this Pandemic is finally under control. As the road blocks started to go up around Portsmouth today, I was reminded of the desperate times we are living though, and I am grateful for spending just a few moments with Dad, before the shutters once again go up!

The state of the UK at the moment is headline news, across the World and Darrell is naturally concerned at what he is hearing. I have asked him to take a more active role in sorting out our legal status at this time, contacting our Member of Parliament  and doing what he can from his end. This Christmas will be very different for us in Britain, however life continues in Australia, very much as it always has done.

The World remains madder than at any time I have ever known. Expressing my fears for the future, especially right now as the second wave really takes hold, Darrell was left aghast, about just what will be left, when this is all over. The different lives we are leading are so divergent, contrasting in every way, that I am not even sure we will know each other, when we see one another again.

No relationship can survive indefinitely from opposite ends of the planet, and it is important we are allowed to see one another soon. So I will end this entry today, as I began, by pleading with people to take notice of the new rules. I know how difficult it is to not see someone you love over Christmas, because I have been living it for over a year. Like Darrell and I, you just have to accept what is happening, stop worrying about a Christmas turkey and always remember there are people far worse off than you. Once you become resigned to your fate, all of us can finally work together and beat this bloody virus once and for all!