Yesterday was another busy day for me, working two jobs and having to meet a deadline for an article that is due to be published on Friday. I did however manage to find time to have a brief chat with a friend here in Portsmouth; the subject 'anxiety.' This topic also cropped up the day before, whilst talking with someone else I knew on a very similar subject. I was quite taken aback that these two individuals suffered with anxiety at all. On the surface at least they both seem confident and always articulate in the language they use, one would never believe they experience the fear and disquiet this common condition causes.

I have always endured anxiety to differing degrees, for most of my life. Looking back, it is clear my problems started at school, through bullying and harassment. At the time these acts were ignored and consequently left unchecked; as a result I experienced years and years of nervous apprehension and consternation. The reality was I tolerated abuse everyday, because nothing had been done to stop the tirade of mistreatment experienced from an early age. Growing up with a past that haunts one is difficult to shake off and one does tend to carry around the consequences for many years; in some cases a lifetime.

People cope with anxiety and stress in different ways, some more appropriate than others. Most of us who have agonised have our own set of rules when confronted by a distressing situation; I am no exception. Today I have learnt to combat any set of circumstances I find uncomfortable, because I have had to. Since returning to Portsmouth I haven't encountered any undue discomfort, unlike my final few months living in Spain. The key to overcoming what occurred when I lived in Gran Alacant, was removing myself from the situation. In basic terms I walked away and got out of Spain pretty quickly when I realised I was once again being manipulated. Choosing to return home was the best decision I ever made.

For too long I had ignored the warning signs; foreboding feelings, not trusting my own judgement and believing I was overreacting and wrong, when actually I was right, just a few of the recognisable triggers. The instincts I anticipated were accurate, I just preferred to disregard the seriousness of what I was confronting. It is always important to believe that gut feeling inside and act quickly to avoid further pain. Removing oneself or others is an important step in dealing with feelings of anxiety.

I was interested to hear how others coped with their own demons and intrigued at their choice to isolate and separate themselves from society, in order to remove the source of the hindrance. This isn't the way forward; the loneliness one experiences during the aftermath of such a decision can be more damaging that the anxiety itself. Of course hiding away and closing the door will eliminate those responsible for the way we are feeling, but the long term damage caused by excluding oneself, is a side effect that is difficult to cure.

Today I choose to confront my insecurities headlong and throw myself in at the deep end. If I don't like something, someone or a position I find myself in I embrace it, rather than retreat. Returning home has given me new impetus. I work two jobs, write, blog and volunteer and am about to start a healthy living and wellbeing programme, all having the combined effect of making me feel confident, happy, content and most importantly strong enough to cope with whatever life throws my way.  My active lifestyle, willingness to walk away, disregarding the abusers and strength of character and self belief in myself, has all served to wipe away and shrug off the devil on my back.

Everyone copes with anxious feelings differently, my humble advice is to challenge those feelings and attack the causes precipitously, without a second thought. Don't procrastinate, don't hang around accepting yet more of the same, grab the predicament by the neck, metaphorically of course, and shake the pain away!

I wanted to wish my boss at Cancer Research, Zerina a very happy Birthday today; not the 60 years old portrayed in the photograph, but a far more youthful 47 years young.

I would also like to thank Zerina for welcoming me to her shop in Commercial Road and for her support over the last five months I have been living in Portsmouth. As a Manager she is professional and a worthy representative for her chosen cause, as a friend she is one of the best, not only towards me, but everyone who plays their part in this Charity shop. Zerina is always full of fun and keeps everyone focused on the job at hand. Thanks to Zerina, I feel happy and content with my role and always enjoy my time volunteering on a Monday. If you treat employees well, they will always go over and above their remit, as I hope I do; with a serving of good humour and sarcasm to boot, this most certainly is an uplifting, inspiring and stimulating time of the week for me.

Many Happy returns Zerina, you have made my transition from Spanish to Portsmouth life, that much easier. As a person you couldn't wish for a better boss; I look forward to spending many more days working with you at Cancer Research. They say life begins at 40, so you have a lot of fun filled years ahead of you, enjoy your evening today and always keep the party going!

I have been working at the Newcome Arms for nearly six months now and have finally become part of the furniture as it were. When I first started at this local pub in the heart of Fratton, I decided to keep my sexuality a secret; In fact wherever I work, I never really discuss my private life, it isn't something that I think about everyday, it is just a part of me. A persons sexual preference does not influence their ability to do a job, so the conversation should never really take place, unless of course you are comfortable enough to have it.

Judging a situation is important when deciding what others need to know and in truth I never once told anyone I was gay, that was done by my little cousin, who just happened to mention it to one of the patrons at the Newcome. As soon as I found out, I was a little annoyed to be honest, but mistakes happen and it wasn't done on purpose, so I didn't hold any malice; in fact she probably did me a favour.

It wasn't too long before the regulars started to make various comments in passing, so I knew everyone was well aware of my orientation. After an initial few days of feeling uncomfortable, I soon adjusted to the reality of my situation. If I am totally honest, the only person who had a problem with my sexuality was me. I was the one trying to hide who I was and felt uncomfortable with others knowing, it was never really an issue for them. Everyone has been great and today I feel like a weight has been lifted from my mind. I no longer have to pretend who I am and can openly discuss my life and partner with people,without fear of outing myself.

I can understand how many readers will find my way of coping with the 'gay thing' as odd and not the way to act in the year 2018, but they also have to understand the era In which I grew up, very different from that of today. There was a lot of prejudice and openly talking about homosexuality could cause long term damage. Today even in gritty Fratton, where some of the residents would sooner thump you than look at you, I have been surprised at their reaction.

I feel more relaxed now working in my local pub than I ever have done and hold everyone who goes there in the highest regard. This is the first time in many years I have felt part of a community and am enjoying the relationships and friendships that I am now forming. There is a difference between Portsmouth and Gran Alacant. Here I have some real bonds; the people are far more down to Earth and welcoming and there is a real sense of belonging, unlike Spain. Don't get me wrong I did have some wonderful close friends when I lived abroad, but they were few and far between, the majority of those who lived in GA, only said hello when you were in one of the many bars and pubs; life was very much centred around the squares and those who drink in them. Darrell and I rarely went out drinking, we were of an age where it was important to live a life more conducive to our relationship; others were very different. Consequently we had little contact with anyone on a daily basis; that was bad for us and our life in Spain, one of the many reasons we decided to leave.

The Newcome is the centre of a vibrant local neighbourhood and I am glad to be a small cog in a very large wheel. The people of Portsmouth are my people, I was born here after all and it is a very big part of who I am. Listening to the conversations in the bar, chatting with many of the locals, I am struck by their humour and honesty. The inhabitants of this great Naval city are a hardy bunch, will always tell you what they are thinking, sometimes in the most colourful terms and express their views without reservation, that is what makes living here right for me now, at my time of life. Who knows where I will end up in the future, but wherever that is, I will always have a special place in my heart for the people who live, work and socialise in this city, especially those who frequent the Newcome Arms!

Darrell has been in Australia for a little over a week now and has began the process of reintegrating into Australian life. The last time he was down under was in 2016/17, so adjusting to his new circumstances in Perth isn't going to be as difficult as it was then, after a sixteen year absence. I haven't been there since 1998, but judging on the photographs Darrell has sent, it has changed dramatically over the years, three times larger than it was.

These are difficult times for us as a couple, but we have been here before and will survive the coming months. Both of us are doing what's best for our families at this time, putting our own lives on hold for a while. As all of us get older, my generation will undoubtedly face similar issues, not as difficult as ours but nevertheless our aged parents will become more of a priority; how we deal with this will determine who we are as people. I believe strongly in being there for my Mum and Dad, as does Darrell, that creates its own set of problems, but we are both prepared to do what is best for them, after all we have the rest of our lives ahead of us, they do not!

Darrell has managed to navigate the official paperwork necessary for his stay and has been officially designated carer for his Mother. I spoke to him first thing this morning; he had just got back from hospital, where his Mother is said to be doing well. The treatment she has to endure isn't the most comfortable of things to witness, but Darrell remains philosophical about his role, and hopes his stay will encourage his Mother towards a more positive outlook.

It is strange, neither of us have experience of dealing with illness, except our own once in a while; the odd cold, a bout of flu and a few cuts and scrapes, but we are both doing what we feel is right. Somebody said to me the other day, that they believed we shouldn't be sacrificing our own happiness and Marriage and what we were doing could be counterproductive in the long term. At some point both of us need to come back together as a couple, we are well aware of that; we just have no idea when that will be.

People have their own views on our decisions and would probably do things differently. We are both lucky to have close family and friends, supporting us through this period. Without their backing the decisions we have taken may have been very different. For now, we will continue doing things our way, take each day as it comes, build our lives in our respective countries and wait until the day we are once again reunited! Our friends point of view is important, but they will not influence the choices we make, we will always determine our own destiny, as they should also!

Readers to Roaming Brit are well aware of my connection to Charity, having worked in this environment for many years. Once in your blood, it's very difficult to shake the buzz you get from giving your time in pursuit of helping others. First thing yesterday, I was able to discover a little more about Cancer Research in Commercial Road, its volunteers and daily activities. Before everyone left for the day I spoke to Managers and volunteers alike, trying to gauge just what type of person volunteers in this Portsmouth Store. Of course every charity shop is different, attracting many helpers and employees from diverse and contrasting walks of life; each outlet is a melting pot of ideas and personalities, all with the same goal: 'Doing their best to help others!'

Manager Zerina Bryant-Beeney (46) has worked for Cancer Research in one capacity or another for twelve years and has a passion for volunteering. She is approachable and always on hand to help customers and those she employs. Zerina is part of a small Management team that represents this large shop and is the glue that holds everyone together. I asked Zerina why she enjoys working for Cancer Research, she was more than happy to answer: 'I enjoy it because of the case it represents, knowing that my work saves peoples lives!' Who could disagree with that sentiment.

Everyone I spoke to has had experience of the pain cancer causes, so much so, they have decided to dedicate part of their life, trying to help those who face the spectre of Cancer on a daily basis; the victims, their families and friends and the people at the forefront of the campaign to make Cancer history, all important to the lifeblood of this community shop in the heart of the city. It is only though our own experiences, that we can truly understand the suffering of others and comprehend the difficulties they face everyday!

I always enjoy working with Zerina, there is never a dull moment; the respect I and others have for her, shows in the dedication of the volunteers who frequent this shop! As an ex Charity Shop Manager myself, I am well aware of the qualities needed in managing such an unusual retail environment. Zerina has the personality and disposition to bring together the twenty five combatants who work diligently behind the scenes, the acclaim she is accorded is heart warming!

Shop Assistant Samantha Ross (49) has been at Cancer Research for nine years, currently working in three of their shops in the south coast region. Like most of the Management team, she started off volunteering, progressing towards a career in this charity. When I asked her why she enjoyed working for Cancer Research she was clear about her reasons: 'It's a cause close to my heart, I have known many family members and friends who have suffered through cancer. Knowing that my role helps raise money towards a vital case, is all I need to keep working away in a job I love!'  Perfect words from an inspiring lady, who works hard everyday.

When you work for a foundation or trust in a retail environment, you really do put 110% into your effort, always working extra time over and above your remit. Sorting bags, pricing stock, helping volunteers, many of whom are vulnerable is a large part of your day. You most certainly have to love your job to be able to get the most out of this vocation. Retail is a challenging environment in which to work at the best of times, charity retail is most certainly the hardest of all, but as Sam said, it is also the most rewarding, giving her and others a sense of self worth and enjoyment she would be hard pressed to find anywhere else!

Volunteer Anita was born in London in 1952, leaving the UK for Italy when she was 25. Married, Anita returned to Britain in 2005 for a quick visit, returning in 2008, while her daughter attended University, where she has remained ever since. Anita's husband continues to live in Italy and they see each other as often as they can, rather like Darrell and I.

Anita is a trained Biology teacher; now working for Cancer Research because she has time on her hands, like many who volunteer for causes close to their heart.  Anita also has experience of Cancer in her life, her Father having sadly died from the disease, like so many others. She enjoys working in the Portsmouth shop for many reasons, most of all the companionship and conversation she enjoys with all of us who work there.

Anita is typical of many volunteers, a retired professional with time to spare. All of us who enlist, for want of a better word, have that altruistic gene, gaining great satisfaction knowing we are changing lives for the better. Anita does what she can, because she is part of an army conscripts who want to 'make things happen!'

18 year old Yassin Hamrouni was born in Trento, Italy. This picturesque city is two hours from venice in one direction and two hours from Austria in the other, it is a truly spectacular Italian medieval destination, one place I shall certainly be visiting in future; when I have the time of course.  Yassin is of Tunisian descent and currently attends the Tellus School of Language as part of the Erasmus + project. He has been given a three month opportunity to live and work in the UK, staying with an English family, here in Portsmouth.

Yassin has two Brothers, one younger, one older, his Mother still lives in Italy and his Father now lives in Paris; a well travelled young lad, he chose to come to the UK as part of his course studying IT. Yassin was upbeat about his time here, regarding the United Kingdom as open minded and welcoming, enjoying a conversation with everyone he meets. He has a wonderful grasp of the English language, although finds it difficult to understand the Portsmouth dialect at times. Through perseverance and hard work, Yassin hopes to gain a greater understanding of the British and our customs and culture, using this three month period at Cancer Research as a stepping stone on his journey towards his eventual career.

Many foreign students come to Britain to improve their apprehension of English, Yessin no exception. However he also has personal reasons for working for this charity, having lost his Grandfather four years ago to Cancer; a personal tribute to someone he held in high regard, part of his pilgrimage, navigating life in the UK!

The festive  season is essential  for all high street retailers, but to a charity it can mean the difference between survival or not. A charity shop has the same overheads as any other business; rent, rates and utilities as high as anywhere else. Contrary to what people believe, there is no special dispensation for these type of outlets. Cancer Research in Commercial Road has to compete against other retailers, charity and otherwise, but Christmas is a time to promote its activity to the wider public.

Like most 'not for profit organisations,' it produces its own merchandise at this time of year, Christmas cards, decorations and keepsakes for those who support the campaigns it promotes. Cancer Research sells a line of Bought in goods or 'BIG's.' These are new products customers can purchase, on top of the donated stock, important to the success of a shop during the festive season. Of course these type of items are sold all year round but the income generated during Christmas is more important than ever.

Between May and July 2017 Cancer Research in Portsmouth sold 1600 pounds worth of 'Big's,' a typical amount for that time of year; during October to December 2017, the figure rose to over 7000 pounds, a dramatic increase, without which many programmes instituted by Cancer Research, would not receive the money they need. I have seen a significant rise in sales, even during the first few weeks of October and we are all looking forward to a successful yuletide engendering more income than we did last year.

This Monday was another busy day; everyone had a role to play. I work front of house on a checkout  because others can't, or prefer to work in the back of the establishment, sorting stock, pricing or collecting donations. All of us work well together despite our differences, backgrounds and affiliations, we all seem to bond positively as a team. There is far more to working in a charity shop than you might expect and I would ask anyone thinking about volunteering to come along and spend a day with principled people, doing something worthwhile for others who can't. You may be surprised at what you find, how rewarding it can be and the fulfillment you feel at the end of the day. Giving something back to the community in which you live is important, whatever you choose to do. Without Britain's army of volunteers, this country would be a poorer place; it's up to people like you and I to do the things that governments wont or cant because of the lack of money and resources. Volunteering remains a vocation for the few, but with insight and encouragement, more people could make the step towards a better future for them and the causes they advocate!