On Tuesday we celebrated Darrell's Birthday, a few days before he left for Australia once again. My Aunt had booked a table at The Noble House Restaurant in Southsea. This is a place I haven't been to before, but have heard good things about, so was looking forward to a wonderful evening.

Everyone met at The Newcome Arms at 7pm; the pub was packed with Portsmouth fans. With Pompey playing at home, the bar was busier than I had seen it in a long time, but we found somewhere to stand and enjoyed the charged atmosphere, along with everyone else. Despite my dislike of football, I have become rather fond of football days, working at The Newcome, so being on the other side of the bar, made a pleasant change.

Darrell met many of those I now regard as friends and was able to say goodbye to the regulars he had met during his stay.  I am honoured to have had the the opportunity to meet the numerous personalities who frequent this popular public house, because they are a large part of my life and have been generous in welcoming me to their local community, a community I feel a big part of. Darrell has also found the nature of everyone, including my Aunts long standing friends, who joined us at Noble house, refreshingly open and embracing, one of the reasons I love living in Portsmouth.

After a few early evening drinks, we arrived at this highly recommended restaurant and without exception, the food was first class. I am not the biggest fan of Chinese food but the experience I had there, could very well change my mind. At a cost of twenty two pounds a head, including drinks, the price was pretty reasonable too; this is a place I will certainly be visiting again!

The following morning we went for a day out at Gunwharf Quays. Like most of November, the rain was pouring down, but that didn't detract from Darrell's last day in Britain. Pat had travelled down from Wiltshire, to also spend the day with us. It has been many years since Darrell last saw her and they had much to catch up on. It was great to do 'normal' things, mooching around the shops and having a spot of lunch at The Slug and Lettuce. This has been the best aspect of having Darrell home over the past month, just doing what we used to do, before our life was turned upside down.

Spending time with family, positively, celebrating Darrell's 47th Birthday has been a joy. Even when we were living together in the UK or Spain, we rarely saw family, so this year, Darrell's Birthday was all the more important. My Aunt and Cousin's have welcomed him into their lives, just like the community in which I live and that is something neither of us are really used to. People often ask me why I take a lot of photographs, especially of people I see everyday, but they really don't understand just how important family is to me these days. These are relations I didn't see for many years and without their love and support, my life would be so much more difficult.

A few hours, walking in the pouring rain with my two Aunty Pats and Cousin's Emmy and Thomas, is worth all the tea in China. I will look back on this day out as an important milestone in my life, rather than just another day to be forgotten about. Most people take occasions like this for granted - I don't! Precious memories are few and far between as I grow older; I want to remember the good times, to help me get through the bad!

Darrell left for Singapore and Australia on Thursday, after a month away from home. We have both become used to the nature of our relationship and always make the most of the time we have together. This month has seen a mixture of emotions - laughter, tears, anger and happiness, but through every twist and turn we have grown stronger as a couple. Darrell isn't used to just how big my family is and has found it difficult adjusting to life surrounded by Aunt's, Uncles and Cousins, yes plenty of Cousins, but over the weeks he has started to understand the importance of family. It has been a very difficult road getting here; my strained and at times acrimonious connection with my kinfolk has turned full circle and life is far better now than it ever has been. Of course Darrell is a part of that family and like me, he is just beginning to discover his place in it!

As I once again bid farewell to my husband, for another six months, I am mindful of the continual battles ahead. By the time I see Darrell again, I will have reached the grand old age of 49, a year closer to death as they say. Neither of us are getting any younger and we have to start thinking about the direction our life is travelling in, as we reach the beginnings of old age. Coming back together as a couple is a pressing priority; with the death of my Mother I am now happier to move from the UK once again and am looking forward to a future away from a decade of misadventure, impediment and pain!

This is Darrell's last week in Britain, before he flies home to Perth on Thursday, so he has been trying to see as many friends as he can before he leaves. Darrell and I have made many friendships over the years, so seeing everyone is just an impossible task. The ones who could be bothered and had the time, travelled to Portsmouth to see Darrell, which has taken the pressure off him and I travelling to see them. I lead a very busy life and have little time to do anything else but work!

On Saturday Chris and Sam came to say goodbye to Darrell for another year. They were regular visitors to our home for many years and often popped in to say hi when we lived in Southampton. I have of course seen Chris many times since we returned from Spain, but not Sam. This was the first time I had seen him since 2015 and this young lad has grown up a lot since then.

It remains important to stay in contact with many of those we have known since we got together 24 years ago and both of us do try to see as many friends as we can. Life may well have taken us in different directions, but the bond all of us share is still there. I have had many people come and go from my life and the truth is, I am a very difficult person to understand and get to know, but a few have stuck around long enough to know the real me - Sam and Chris are just two of them.

Last night I dragged Darrell out with me and a couple of close friends from the supermarket where I work. Our mutual friend Paul also came along and we had a fantastic night, with lots of laughs.

I haven't had much to laugh about recently, having been constantly ill, so it's nights like last night that have become important. Letting ones hair down, having a few drinks with mates and spending quality time together is just what the Doctor ordered and I finally sat back, relaxed and enjoyed myself.

The people I have met, since returning to the UK have been a tremendous source of support in recent times and I feel like I have known them for many years.  Those I am close to now are very different to those I was acquainted with in the past and have given me an insight into a World, that I rarely saw otherwise. As a gay man my life was centred around the gay community and I had very few 'straight' mates. Today I much prefer the company of my hetrosexual peers, finding them more honest and trustworthy, without an agenda. Also the friends I have are of a similar age, unlike the younger age group we tended to gravitate towards ten years ago. We have far more in common, enjoy the same things, taste in music and conversations. Above all I live life at a more sedate pace these days, which suits my general disposition, as I grow older. I am an oldie now, in every respect and enjoy the activities us older people enjoy. This is a time where I am finally comfortable in my own skin.

I am grateful for the friendships I have and for the memories I am making everyday. This is a new chapter in my life, filled with new comrades, companions and experiences and I couldn't be happier. Darrell was equally relaxed and impressed with the attachments I have formed and seemed far more at ease with our current situation, than he has before; that makes me happy and my life much easier. As the sun begins to set on our relationship for another six months, I feel more secure and anchored with who I am and where I'm heading and look forward with positivity rather than apprehension. Friends are the superglue that holds me together right now, without them, life would be difficult to bear and my days in Britain far longer; without my mates my World would be a much smaller place!

On Thursday Darrell, Aunt Trisha and I went to see my Father in Fareham. The day before, he had celebrated his Birthday with my Brother and his family, so it was important for me to also see him. At 72 years old, my Father is still going strong and remarkable in many ways, especially whilst looking after Mum, as her carer for twenty years. Understandably, Dad wasn't really in the mood for celebrating this important milestone, but in my view, it is necessary to carry on as a family, in the same vein we have before.

Dad is still mourning the loss of Mum and misses her everyday. This has been the first time since her death that Darrell has had a chance to see him and presented him with a card he had written after Mum died. Both Dad and Darrell were very emotional; the words Darrell had written were extremely poignant and stirred a lot of feelings in all of us who were there at the time. Writing from the heart is a brave thing to do, especially when you don't normally express yourself in such a way, so I was also aware of the time, effort and courage needed to produce such a personal piece of writing.

Dad took us all for afternoon lunch at his favourite eatery, Titchfield Mill, where we had a superb meal and family catch up. It is good to see my Father and Aunt Trisha, his sister, once again bond as a family. These two siblings were somewhat estranged for many years, but with the death of my Grandparents and my late Mothers illness, they have started to build bridges and become close again, as Brothers and Sisters should be.

Family has become the most important aspect of my life in recent years. Without their love and support, I would have found this time, spent away from Darrell even more difficult than it already is. The only wish I have now, is to see Dad happy and content in life, as he begins the difficult task of recovering from the loss all of us have felt. As the months tick by, I will endeavour to do all I can to help facilitate my Fathers long term future and will stay firmly rooted at home with family and friends, until Darrell returns on a permanent basis and we can start where we last left off in Spain!

On Sunday my relatives from Liverpool arrived in Portsmouth, to attend Mum's funeral. Aunty Margaret, 91 year old Aunty Mary and my Cousin Angela. This was the first time I had seen them, since 2012 at my Nan's funeral and it was lovely to see them again, after so long! It does seem, that the only time I really get to see extended family is on such upsetting occasions, but nevertheless it was important they attended, to see Mother on her final passage.

In the evening we chatted and reminisced about the 'old days,' talking about Nan and Grandad, long since gone and happier times, when our scouse relatives came to visit. Of course this may well be the last time I see my Aunts. Like all our family, I lead a busy life and have no idea what the future holds. Making the most of the time I had with my kin folk from the north was amazing and brought back so many memories of my childhood. This was a special Sunday evening, perfect before we said goodbye to Mum!

We got to my Fathers house early Monday morning, where my Brother and his wife had already arrived. The atmosphere was somber as one would expect, but Dad was holding up well, under the most difficult of situations. He seemed pleased to see his Liverpool family, who sat chatting about Mum. Aunty Mary presented Dad with two folders, detailing prayers said in church for her. These two Aunts are deeply spiritual and were both brought up Catholics, so it was comforting to know, that Mother had been in their thoughts and those of the Church.

Other family guests arrived over the next hour. My Cousins Chris and Maria, Mum's sisters and Brother and her two nephews, all mourning her passing and celebrating the life of a Lady, who will always remain in all out hearts.

The funeral cortege left Dads bungalow at 12pm, followed by the family in two limousines and others attending the funeral. As I sat there, looking out at my old stomping ground passing by, many pictures popped into my head - Time spent with Mum, Dad and my Brother, growing up in an idyllic part of the World. Playing in fields, long lazy summers, walking towards the woods at the end of our road and being cradled tightly, securely by Mum, at times of trouble. This was Mum's final journey, taking a route she had travelled many times before, but it was also the last trip I would take, following in her footsteps, in the place I used to call home.

We arrived slightly late for the funeral, after trying to navigate through a rather long traffic jam. The next funeral was already waiting to one side as we pulled up. It was strange that the other funeral was for the Mother of a young lady who I work with. As selfish as it may seem. I did feel comforted by that fact, knowing I wasn't the only one grieving a loved one that day. As I've discovered, it is always best to grieve as a group, comforting each other and helping one another through the difficult concept of death.

There were a lot of people at Mum's funeral, far more than we could have expected and that made the day even more poignant. Although Mum and Dad rarely had visitors in their latter years, due to Mum's ill health, there were still many who took the time to pay tribute to someone they had known. I was amazed to see the hairdresser who did Mum's hair before her Wedding, friends and neighbours from our time living in Thorni Avenue and to finally meet Dad's Best Man at their Wedding. All of these people, made Mum and Dad who they were and all of them cared enough to remember the life of someone who touched their heart.

Along with my Brother, Uncle Paul and John and Mum's nephews Lloyd and Kye, we carried the coffin into Portchester Crematorium, where a priest from Holy Trinity Church, where Mum and Dad got married, conducted a beautiful service of remembrance. My Uncle Paul read a Eulogy I wrote for Mum, unable to speak the words myself and Mothers favourite songs and hymn, Amazing Grace was played. It was a deeply emotional occasion for all of us who attended and and event I shall always remember.

Eulogy - Mary Elizabeth Light 1949-2019

As Mary’s Brother it is my honour to read a tribute to her, on behalf of her husband David and children Luke and Kevin. The following Eulogy include the thoughts and feelings of my sisters grieving family at this difficult time!

Mary was born on the 11th February 1949, to Poppy and John Frampton, in the small market town of Fareham. She was one of five siblings and leaves behind sisters Susan, Diane, Helen and Brother Paul! All of us will miss her deeply, a bond that can never be broken. A local girl at heart, she rarely travelled far; her priority in life very much centred around her family. As a small child she was diagnosed with type 1 Diabetes, an illness that would change her life forever, as she began the process of coming to terms with her condition.

In 1962 Mary met her then future husband David, whilst at school. David ‘thought he would like a date, with this lovely looking girl’ and a year later in 1963, they began a courtship that would see their eventual engagement in 1965. David would bring along his friends and gather in Poppy and John’s breakfast room, playing darts, chatting and getting to know one another. On one memorable occasion, David missed the dart board, piercing a water pipe, leaving damage in its wake, but that didn’t dampen their spirit and they eventually married at Holy Trinity Church in Fareham in 1967.

On the way to their honeymoon in St Ives, Mary and David travelled by coach. David had placed their case in the rack above, as they sat enjoying the journey ahead. When the time came to get off this old ‘bone shaker’ David jumped up and started to pull down the luggage. Losing his grip, he dropped in square on Mary’s head. Just the first of many bumps in the road and a time they still laughed about until recently. The beginning of their journey together and a lifetime of memories that flowed!

Mary worked at Suttons the Bookshop and Keast’s in Fareham, which sold Prams and baby equipment, finally training to become a hairdresser like David in the late 1960s. She followed a full time hairdressing career into the 1970s, when she finally gave up full time work to look after their first child Luke, who was born prematurely in 1971. Still working when she could, she relished her new role as a Mum and housewife. In 1975, David and Mary’s second child Kevin was born and their family was complete. Doting over her children, Mary would never waver in her devotion to her husband and sons, even during testing times; all the while dealing with the spectre of diabetes, that was never too far away.

Sat on a chair in the kitchen as Mum cut his hair, Luke was never one to sit still, fidgeting throughout and objecting to having to suffer the indignity of having his hair cut by Mum, Luke slipped further and further downwards, at which point, his Mother turned round, grabbed the kitchen bowl and placed it firmly on his head, threatening to give him a cut he’d remember if he didn’t sit still. It was the 1970s, a time of weird and wonderful hair, but even Luke sat up straight at the thought of a bowl cut, to go with his flared trousers and wide collared shirt!

Mary became a carer for David in 1998, when her husband suffered a brain hemorrhage. Her priorities as a wife and Mother had changed and turned full circle as David began a process of rehabilitation, aided by Mary and her belief in the man she married and the words ‘in sickness and health,’ ringing in her ears.

As a ‘protector’ Mary championed the needs of others, above her own. In the words of her son Kevin, she would have made a great ‘Health and Safety Officer;’ she always saw danger in everything. Over cautious, thinking of the worst case scenario, the bathroom door would remain unlocked, when anyone was having a bath – Just in case they fell asleep and slipped under the water. This ombudsman and campaigner of safeguarding always set her clocks ten minutes fast ‘just in case,’ a tradition carried on by her youngest son. There was always an emergency toilet roll to hand and she never trusted anyone with a key to the house. In her medical bag, an emergency kit-kat, packet of Mini Cheddars and neatly folded kitchen roll; prepared for every eventuality!

Mary was also a battler and grafter, working two jobs, at the Highlands Co-Op and as a cleaner at the local school for many years and of course caring for her growing family. This was a happy and productive time, until she retired in 2007. In 2008 Mary suffered the loss of her left leg, after years of injecting insulin took its toll. She remained determined to keep walking on her new prosthetic limb, right up until 2013, when she sadly lost her right leg and was confined to a wheel chair.

Despite all the heartache Mary was delighted at the birth of her grandchildren Meghan in 2010 and Hayley in 2013, two beautiful young girls who she adored and always gave her hope for the future. Mary may have been disabled, but she was now a proud Grandmother and always looked forward to seeing them when she could. Family were the linchpin of her life and without the love of her husband, Mum and Dad, brother and sisters, children and grandchildren, the difficulties she faced would have been so much harder to bear. This local lass from Fareham left an indelible footprint in the heart of all those who knew her and will be a great loss for everyone, especially her husband David, who cared for her during her final years of life.

In life we can’t always choose the battles we fight. Mary’s road was a hard one, but it made her stronger and more determined to beat the struggles she endured. With her customary smile and stoical outlook, she fought bravely, everyday and never faltered in her desire to grasp every second of life she had left! She will always remain in the hearts of those who knew her, a hero in every sense of the word!

The wake at Cam's Hall Estate concluded a fantastic send off for Mum. I was delighted that many family members attended, many of whom I haven't seen in years. It was great to listen to their stories about her and recall the more propitious circumstances that defined her life.

2019 has been a terrible year for losing loved ones and it is a time I would rather forget, but on the plus side, I have been able to see many friends and relatives I have missed, reconnecting with a family I was estranged from for over twenty five years. The wake, made me realise the significance of my ancestry and I am finally aware of just how important these people are.

Mum's passing is a milestone that can not be matched. I know we should have been closer, especially during the 'lost' years, but as time moves on and our lives continue on this journey called life, I am happy to have had the best, most loving, dedicated and strong minded Mother in the World - A World, that was all the better for having her in it!

Yesterday was a day of mixed feelings; in the morning I attended the Christening of my Cousin Thomas, at St Patrick's Roman Catholic Church on Hayling Island. It was wonderful being a part of such a special occasion, attended by family and friends. In the past I have avoided such events, preferring to mark such milestones privately, keeping myself, very much to myself. In 2019 my life has changed much and I am now a part of our large, growing family, in a way I wasn't before.

I would like to take this opportunity to wish my Cousin Emmy, Partner Ben and their son Thomas, lots of love for the future. Thomas is a lovely young boy, who is always a joy to be around. With Ben's daughter Helena, their family is now complete!

Whilst driving to the church, I received a phone call from my Father; Mum had been rushed to Queen Alexandra Hospital in Portsmouth, after suffering from a massive heart attack, on top of everything else she has suffered in  life. I was left shattered and in a quandary about what I should do - go to the church or straight to the hospital. I chose to continue to the church and celebrate one of our families newest members before leaving for the hospital.

The service lasted two hours, after which we headed back to a local hotel. I spent fifteen minutes saying my goodbyes and left for QA Hospital. I was greeted by my Father and Brother, who I rarely see these days. As siblings my Brother and I never really got on and mine and his life went in very different directions. Neither of us are about to bite the bullet and forget the past, so we tend to just tolerate one another on such days. We were polite enough and along with my Father discussed Mum's failing health, as we have done many times before.

The Doctors kept us informed of Mum's situation from the moment I arrived. After the first chat with the consultant, we were under no illusion, that Mum's chances of survival were slim. She had suffered a big heart attack and they were fighting against the clock, doing everything they could to get her well. On arrival the A&E team tried to insert a stent into Mum's artery, without success. The vein was too furred up and as the Doctor said, it was like trying to drill through rock - impossible! We were assured they were doing as much as possible, to stabalise Mum and bring her blood pressure up to normal levels.

Mum was lucid and able to talk, although the strong painkillers kept kicking in intermittently and Mum would drift in and out of consciousness. We were all aware of the amount of pain Mum was in, although unsure why. I have never seen Mum suffer so much. Normally she has a very high pain threshold. After years of injecting insulin and three limb amputations, there isn't a lot Mum hasn't experienced, but somehow this discomfort was worse than any of the above. It was upsetting for all of us, seeing Mother in this state, but we know just what a fighter and battler she is and if anyone can overcome adversity, she can.

After spending four hours with Mum, I left for home, phoning my Aunt and Uncle to let them know of the situation and explained that the Doctor in charge had expressed his concern at the gravity of the situation she was facing. All of us were unsure why Mum was in so much agony, but it certainly didn't sound good and we were all expecting the worse.

Today I have been in constant contact with my Father and the hospital. Mum's health continues to suffer and the prognosis has changed from positive, to grave and as I write a little more positive again. It seems the heart attack has caused a lot of damage internally  that the Doctors are trying to reverse, but the heart itself seems to be recovering well and working as it should. The messages and health updates have been rather confused at times, but we know Mum is in safe hands and the wonderful Cardiac team at Queen Alexandra Hospital are working hard to save Mum's life!

I would like to wish two fantastic friends, Katie and Andy Stewardson, huge congratulations on the birth of their new baby son Sebastián, born on 28th August 2019. It has been a while since I saw these two, but they are both very much in my thoughts as I write this entry today!

Katie, husband Andy and their little daughter Lexi, became close, during mine and Darrell's time living in Gran Alacant, especially Katie and I. Both our husbands were away quite a lot during the time I lived here, consequently Katie and I became inseparable and enjoyed a fruitful friendship, despite the ups and downs of Spanish life.

Andy and Katie have found happiness and prosperity in Spain and now enjoy a productive and vigorous life, living in the country they love. Sebastián will be brought up alongside his Spanish peers and will become part of continental life, in a way many of us can only dream of. I hope to return to Spain one day soon and rekindle our friendship by starting where we left off. Whether or not Darrell and I decide to live there long term, as we did three years ago is anyone's guess, but in the meantime we are delighted to observe from the sidelines, watching this family grow and flourish in their new chosen home!

As Brexit turmoil continues to engulf British sensibility, it is heartwarming to see young people taking the plunge and forging a new life abroad. Whether you support Britain's withdrawal from the EU or want to remain, all of us should agree that our destiny lies at the heart of Europe. It would be a travesty if future generations were stopped from moving to pastures new because of policies that are designed to isolate Britain from the rest of the World. Katie and Andy are an example to us all, in how we can proliferate in new, untested, untried corners of the globe!

Congratulations to you all!

The August Bank Holiday Monday was hot and I was spending the day at The Queens Hotel in Southsea, at a garden party in the sun! The tribute act 'Forever Queen' were playing to a packed audience in this plush Portsmouth hotel.

I arrived with some friends from work and spent an enjoyable time, relaxing after another busy week. There were many people at this holiday event and it was fantastic to just let ones hair down for a few hours, drinking, dancing and chatting with those who play a significant role in my life.

What could be better, after sitting in the hot sun for the afternoon, but a civilized meal with more colleagues and friends at the John Jacques in Fratton. For me, a few pints of orange juice and lemonade and a rather diet busting, calorific all day brunch, followed by cake and ice cream; comfort food, to end the perfect day!

Friday was a sad day for me, my family and all those who knew Ray Atrill. At 3.30pm, on a rainy afternoon, Uncle Ray was laid to rest at Portchester Crematorium. I arrived with my Aunt and Cousins at 3pm and already people were gathering to say their goodbyes. Nothing however could prepare me for the number of people who arrived to bid farewell to Ray on his final journey.

Ray was a well known luminary in Fratton, having lived there for most of his life, consequently his network of friends was vast. Sat in the pews of the crematorium, I was struck by the number of people entering the hall; it seemed never ending, as the seats were quickly filled. Guests, stood wherever they could, at the sides and back of the building, quietly showing respect for a man, who touched the lives of many. It was a heartwarming display of admiration and approval for a character who will remain in the hearts and minds of all those who knew him.

Ray was given a send off like no other, surrounded by family and friends. The service was typically humanist in tone and reflected a life lived in the company of others, who shared similar interests. Everyone there on Friday sat attentively listening to the stories of a man who had lived the life he wanted and not what others would have expected. Without malice, hate or bitterness, Ray welcomed everyone into his life and all of us who celebrated his legacy on Friday, were lucky to have known him.

The memories of Ray will resonate around the pub where he and I worked for many years to come and will continue to echo around the streets of Fratton, where he walked on a daily basis. Community was important, pivotal and determining in the life Ray led. He did much for good causes and others who needed a helping hand. He was there when you needed a word of encouragement, advice or just a friendly afternoon chat. Ray was a linchpin for many, an Uncle to innumerable personalities who crossed his path and a Dad to a select lucky few, who warranted the love he shared. Ray was Ray, he wasn't perfect, but he was the backbone of a neighbourhood who looked after its own; Fratton wont be the same without him!

Goodnight sweet man!

On Thursday of last week, I managed to catch up with a family friend, author, radio presenter and contributor to 'Roaming Brit,' Debra Rufini. I have very little time to myself these days, let alone being able to spend time with those who are important in my life, so with a few spare hours on my hands, I paid Debra a visit at her home in Portsmouth.

Debra and I have much in common. We both share an interest in writing and spiritual enlightenment as well as having experience in matters related to Sociopathy and Narcissism, the reason I had come to see her on Thursday.

We have both spoken openly about some particularly dark times in our respective lives and whilst our stories are different, they are most certainly related in the difficulties we both endured. Debra has used her radio show to highlight issues of anti-social behaviour, by interviewing guests who like us, have encountered characters that have proven to be destructive in nature. Sociopathy, Narcissistic Personality Disorder and the implications that surround it, can be painful subjects to discuss, especially with those who have little or no understanding of the contentions involved. However Debra and I sat and chatted over a bottle of Rioja for a solid three hours, both of us trying to find explanations to problems that we have both witnessed first hand.

Debra wanted my advice on some dilemmas she is trying to solve. Currently she needs support, having many questions to ask, as she tries to understand the circumstances that have brought her to a confusing crossroads in her life; a challenging chapter that needs to be firmly closed, is still lingering in the background. As I discovered during my time working for Oxfam and the sociopathic management structure, reactions and responses of a positive nature, are few and far between when dealing with mistreatment in their ranks. Trying to untangle a mess made by a single individual with anti-social personality disorder is virtually impossible to achieve, but for victims it is an important part of the healing process. That puts people like Debra and myself in a very precarious situation. Do we carry on, trying to find answers or should we just forget the past and move on.

Initially I spent several years trying to enact revenge for what I considered to be criminal activity against me and others. I wanted justice for the victims who worked for Britain's biggest charity, but I soon discovered the pitfalls of continuing my fruitless campaign. Oxfam would never admit to such behaviour, so rather than continuing to waste my time and energy, I waited for the truth to eventually come out, as it did in 2018 and then I gave my version of events and finally I was listened to!

Debra is still searching for the truth and I am doing what I can to help her, whatever it takes to put her mind at rest and allow her to continue with her life, without the need to keep recalling events and situations, that so very nearly destroyed her as an individual. As two friends chatting. we were able to navigate the clues and unravel the elements. that added together pointed towards a very familiar pattern of abuse and bullying. In time Debra will also be able to sleep soundly in bed once more, until then I will be there when I can!

On Saturday I went with two friends, Debbie and Hayley to the 'Let's Rock Southampton' festival, a train ride away, in the City where I lived for over twenty years. It was a blisteringly hot day, perfect for enjoying the now familiar music festival organised annually on the south coast. This isn't a festival for teenagers and young adults, this is a retro 1980s homage, where most of the party goers are in their late 40s early 50s. Despite being busy, with thousands of people in attendance, there was no trouble or antisocial behaviour found at similar events!

As a rule you will never see me at a concert or festival, it really isn't my thing. I can't think of anything worse being surrounded by crowds of people, paying for overpriced substandard food in searing heat or even worse, pouring rain. However this was an event I was looking forward to. I am a fan of all things 80s and of course enjoy the music from the era. This was a day I was determined to enjoy, spending time with Debbie and Hayley, which is always a pleasure.

As we approached the park, I was contacted by Dom an old friend, who used to live with me back in the year 2004. Dom was with his friend Lizi, who I also knew and they wanted to meet in the park. I haven't seen Dom since I returned to the UK last year and was excited he was coming. He was in fine fettle and I was absolutely overjoyed to be spending the day with him and Lizi as well. It really did bring back so many memories of our time together, clubbing in Bournemouth and London. Happy memories on  a perfect day!

The queues getting into the park were long and I was expecting a two hour wait, but the lines of party goers soon disappeared and we were through the gates within twenty minutes. The acts had just started on stage and we quickly made our way to the Pimms tent and bought a jug for twenty eight pounds, hugely expensive and with a low level of alcohol, that never really hit the spot. A small bottle of beer wasn't much cheaper, at five pounds a pop, but was far more enjoyable and I was more than happy to pay the price.  With burgers costing on average eight pounds and a small tub of chinese food over a tenner, this really wasn't going to be a cheap day.

The reason we were all there was the music and for the most part I wasn't disappointed. Westworld and Toyah were amazing and really put me in a good mood for the rest of the day. I used to be a big fan of Toyah's, so it was fantastic to finally see her live. I have no idea how old she is now, but her voice was just as good as I remember. Listening to these two acts really felt like stepping back in time, in a good way...I haven't been to a festival before but suddenly felt a conversion coming on, maybe this would be the beginning of a new chapter in my life.

Whilst enjoying a quick pit stop - Chinese Chicken and rice and a pint of Fosters, Belinda Carlisle came on stage. Now she was the act I most wanted to see, one of my all time favourite artists. Quickly I ran through the thronging crowd to get a good view; she was amazing, looking fantastic for her age and her voice was just as I remember. The music was flawless and her performance was the best experience of the whole day.

The eighties were indeed a special time for me. I was born in 1971 and grew up through what I consider to be the best decade, at least of my lifetime. The music, television, films and emerging technological revolution were a catalyst for my memories today. Standing in a field with thousands of others, on a hot summers day in 2019, I was transported back 35 years, reliving a youth that seemed like only yesterday. Someone once said to me, 'if you could go back and live your life again, would you?' There was only one answer I could give to that....A firm unequivocal YES; I would go back tomorrow and relive those years and all the others I survived, again and again and again.

Life teaches us many lessons and I have much to learn from the last four decades. So much has happened and even more has gone wrong, but it is true to say, the eighties were the first and last best years of my life; thereafter my life took many wrong paths. The 1980s were a time of great change, not only for me, but also the World. The messages in the music of the time spoke of a better future for all and although these years were not the best for everyone, they were for me. My life as an impressionable teenager began in 1982 and as I adapted to adulthood, the eighties took a final bow. Ten years of adventure, self determination and expression soon became a distant memory and I became the person I am today, a product of a time that I wont easily forget! Long live the 80s!