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It was absolutely glorious in Portsmouth today; the weather was perfect for a stroll down to the historic dock yard, which is sadly closed at the moment, due to Coronavirus. Nevertheless, you could still see HMS Warrior and take in the sea air, just the tonic for making you feel alive. It felt good to be out and about once again, as I walked around the streets of Portsmouth and Southsea; the coast really does suit my sensibility. I have always lived close to or near to the sea and find myself drawn to coastal regions, wherever I am in the World.

I still have friends living in and around Gran Alacant and Alicante in Spain and it has been good to keep in touch with many of them, during these testing times. Of course Spain has started to move out of lockdown and it has been amazing to see happy faces and laughter once again throughout the Costa Blanca on facebook.

People eating in restaurants and drinking in the bars, I used to frequent when I lived in Gran Alacant, is hopefully a vision of the future for us in the UK. After what Spain suffered during this first wave of the pandemic, normality is greatly needed and appreciated. It wasn't that long ago, that I was sending messages of condolences to my friends in Spain, expressing my horror at what was unfolding. Today I am the one receiving emails and telephone calls asking me to stay safe and take care, as Britain's death toll soars ever higher, day after day!

The death toll in the rest of Europe is falling dramatically; in the UK, we still have over four hundred deaths a day, which emphasises our Governments failure to get to grips with this terrible virus. We have more deaths per million than every other country in the World and with our abject failure as a nation to get COVID under control, I seriously fear for the future. On my walk today, the Country seemed to be back to normal and when non-essential shops open again on 1 June, it is likely we will see a huge spike in fatalities once again and that is frightening.

Speaking to Darrell on the phone earlier, he expressed concern about Western Australia reporting four new cases of COVID-19 and how they were not out of the danger zone yet. My reaction was, a wish we were dealing with similarly low numbers and told him not to worry too much. The scale of the problem in Australia is so small compared to here, I am thankful he is safe in his home state. Looking back now, I wish I had travelled to Australia when I had the chance, then at least we would be living our life together, rather than apart, which is the hardest part of this pandemic.

I am still considering plans to go to Australia in the future when we are allowed to travel, but that is dependent on a number of factors. I can not afford to fly to Perth and have to self-isolate for two weeks, as well as doing the same on my return to the UK, that will be a whole month before I even spend time with Darrell. These restrictions will need to be lifted before I even think about making the journey, but the reality is, our death toll will need to fall significantly, before any changes are implemented and I can't see that happening presently.

On Saturday I was due to fly to Japan to meet Darrell during a two-week stay. This holiday has now been cancelled and after a lot of wrangling with the airlines and travel operators involved, we are now just awaiting a full refund. This isn't the ideal situation for Darrell or me, we were both looking forward to seeing one another this Saturday, but like many millions of other people, we just have to live with this scenario. To be honest I am not even sure I want to get on a plane at the moment, but I know Darrell and I have time constraints and my husband has to return sooner rather than later, in order to comply with the terms of his visa, that allows him to remain with me here in the UK.

As yet we have no plans to rebook any holiday to Asia, until this situation is over, probably when there is a vaccine in place. Both of us are hoping the timing of events are now favourable, and we can finally pick up where we left off in November, when Darrell left the UK for Australia. Until that time, we will just have to continue living as we do now and hope it isn't too many months before everything returns to normal.

In a couple of days I have two weeks off and like the rest of the population I will be spending it in my home city of Portsmouth. I have discovered much about this city, that I never knew before and it is good for the soul finding out more about the place you live in. When I moved to Spain, I also spent time exploring this beautiful urbanisation. I researched its history and also looked closely at the demographic of the population. By the time I left I knew more about my adopted home, than most people who lived there.

Despite my fondness for Portsmouth, I am missing travelling, something I really enjoy and was a huge part of my life up until recently. It will be awhile before things change for the better and it is likely the travel industry will be decimated and the cost of flying could well be prohibited for most. For me however, my life will continue to involve a lot of toing and froing, because of the nature of my relationship. For that reason I am making the most of my time here in the UK and continue to enjoy experiences, I wouldn't otherwise of had.  I want to be able to look back at this time and say I achieved something and began the process of connecting, with the place where I was born!

It was a stunning day today, the hottest of the long Bank Holiday weekend and since I enjoyed a day off from walking yesterday, I decided to go for a long walk along the coast today. In total, I walked approximately nine miles, probably the longest I have ever walked in my life, but I thoroughly enjoyed myself. I enjoy walking more now than ever and I genuinely feel energized and accomplished by the end of my experience. Of course walking is great for physical health, but it is doing wonders for me sense of well-being and mental health also.

I started my daily constitutional at about 8.30am this morning, so I avoided most of the people that were expected to travel to the coast; for that I am thankful! There were still many people walking along the esplanade today and not many of them were social distancing if I am honest. I was frequently nudged by a jogger and had to jump out of the way of an inconsiderate walker and that scares me. I even walk on my own, for fear of being too close to someone else and I do wish others would follow my example. On pavements, I will always walk in the road if I have to, to avoid others, who are quite literally walking arm in arm, taking up the whole width of the path, without a care for any other pedestrian. People really do need to start being more respectful to others needs, especially now, during this crisis!

Safely at home, I have just finished watching Dominic Cummings give a statement on his trip to the other side of the country, whilst his wife was suffering from COVID symptoms, during this pandemic. I have never seen someone squirm so much. Watching this man try to justify his actions was embarrassing and like nothing I had seen on television before. These are unprecedented times indeed and watching an unelected Government advisor, give a statement in the garden of 10 Downing Street was just unbelievable. In the end it is up to the public to decide if his explanation holds water; my view, unsurprisingly, is that it doesn't, and he should resign; just don't hold your breath!

Stay safe everyone!

Once again my daily walk today took me to places in Portsmouth I haven't visited before. Southsea Castle, built at the time of Henry VIII and Southsea Rock Garden, were both beautiful places to walk around, take in the sea air and contemplate for a short while. The weather was particularly blustery, with sea spray lapping over the promenade, so I avoided the beach for the most part, preferring to explore other hidden gems.

I have discovered much about Portsmouth during this lockdown period, as well as doing more walking than I have ever done in my life. This city is a fantastic place to live and has many venues of interest to visit, but most of all it is compact enough to explore on foot, from one end to the other. This is the positive side of life at the moment. It is however quite lonely walking on ones own, but this period has given me time to think about just what is happening in the World and today; Coronavirus and the spiralling number of deaths in care homes was top of my thoughts.

Yesterday I had commented on a friends assessment of these fatalities. He had used a picture to illustrate that the number of people dying, isn't as high as in other countries. I did a little bit of digging at this point, and it was clear that the figures used were not telling the complete story, which just goes to show how we can manipulate data to suit our own agenda.

We do have the second highest death toll for COVID-19 in the World and a large proportion of those deaths were older people living in retirement facilities. I have become increasingly angry at the Governments lies and spin surrounding this travesty, claiming they had thrown a protective ring around homes early on and the older generation were always at the heart of their Coronavirus policy - what a load of rubbish! The Government has completely failed our old people, and they know it. It sickens me, that they would even try to hide the truth and make us believe they were doing all they could to look out for their best interests.

There was no protective shield in place to keep care homes isolated at the beginning of this crisis. In fact occupants who were being treated for COVID in Hospital, were being sent back to their residential homes, to self-isolate, putting the lives of all other residents at risk. As we know now, this is the main reason why so many have died in care and it is a shocking indictment of the Governments handling of this pandemic.

It wasn't that long ago, that I went to visit a dear old lady, Mrs Fisher, who lives in a care home, not too far from me. I had become very fond of her and did what I could to make sure she was safe and well, and we had a good friendship. I have tried to call the facility on a number of occasions, but haven't been able to get a reply. The building is closed to public access in any case, so I will not be able to visit her anytime soon. People like Mrs Fisher are important to the local community, and we need to look after them in their old age, not leave them to their fate without the safeguards they need, especially at this time. 

There are so many failings from this Government, that I remain aghast at the publics unwillingness to even question their management of this public health emergency. I understand we are still suffering from its ramifications, but there will come a time when people wake up to the appalling way this was handled. Like America, we failed to recognise the seriousness of the situation at the beginning, and are paying the consequences today. I just hope there will be no cover-ups, lies and evasion from the facts; the country deserves better.

So despite enjoying my walk today, surrounded by flora and fauna, amazing history and exhilarating sea air, I did find myself getting quietly wound up about issues I have no control over. Luckily I can express my views in this blog, which is the only thing keeping me sane. Writing down thoughts and expressing deeply held views and emotions is my way of coming to terms with the terrible events that continue to unfold in front of us all. When I can finally look back at this awful time in my life, I can use this experience to remember the way things were, the difficulties we faced, the lives that were lost and the loneliness we all faced!

Stay Safe!

The weather wasn't too great today, but I decided to go for my daily walk nevertheless. Once again I explored a part of Portsmouth I haven't been to, walking to Milton Lock  on the coast. There were very few people about  and it was nice to just take a leisurely stroll, without having to walk in the middle of the road, to avoid hoards of people.

Since stopping my medication I have been feeling a lot more energized and motivated. The blood pressure meds did make me feel rather sluggish at times, and I was tired a lot of the time. Today my general sense of well-being has improved dramatically. Of course, it isn't safe for everyone to stop taking, what are essentially life saving drugs, but with advice and encouragement I am pleased I have been able to curtail their use for me. My long term aim is to stop all the medication I currently take and lead a drug free existence. This is easier said than done, and I am still experiencing some chronic flank pain, which just seems to linger and linger and eventually I need to get to the bottom of what is going on. With COVID still taking centre stage, it will be awhile before I can book the tests I need, until then I just have to keep living a healthy and active lifestyle.

On Wednesday I had an appointment at the Doctors surgery in Lake Road. This was the first time I had attended since this pandemic began, and I was literally in for a shock. The building looks and feels like it is in lockdown. When one approaches the entrance, one is greeted by warning signs, telling people not to enter unless they have an appointment. I banged sharply on the door and someone eventually came and let me in. If my first impression was rather off-putting, then my apprehension on walking inside got progressively worse. The interior was unrecognizable, there were barricades up stopping the public getting too close to staff and all the fixtures and fittings have been removed, leaving two crosses on the floor, for two patients to stand on and wait before they are called. It was quite an eerie experience, made even more disturbing by the nurse I saw, wearing full PPE and face shield.

I understand the need for such measures, and if I hadn't had to go for a blood test, there is no way I would be in there. My GP insisted I needed the assessments in order to find out why my infection markers were so high when I was taken to Hospital a few weeks ago. He told me not to worry too much, since they weren't sufficiently elevated to cause major concern for serious illness, like cancer, but raised enough to promote investigation. Of course as a sufferer of health anxiety, I just panicked even more, as soon as the dreaded C word was mentioned. I should get my test results back within a week, then my stress levels should come down with a bit of luck.

After returning from my walk, I managed to speak to my husband in Western Australia. I do envy him at the moment; Western Australia has had no deaths from Coronavirus and remains closed to the rest of Australia let alone the rest of the World.  We have both realised we probably won't see each other for another year, while this Pandemic continues to disrupt all our lives. It is particularly unsafe for Darrell to travel to the UK presently, especially with his Mother being so ill. If he did pick up COVID whilst in Britain, it would be devastating. I am however allowed to travel to the Australia, as Darrell's immediate family, but with a two-week quarantine period in operation, it is not practical. We can at least still talk to one another as often as we like and with the rest of the World also in lockdown there are many more people in the same position as us, which is a bit of comfort at least.

Life continues very much as it has before and as all of us try to get used to the 'new normal,' we are able to spend quality time with our own thoughts. I am enjoying this period writing, walking and taking time out from the rather hectic life I had before. When the World eventually returns to normal, I may, just may have a little nostalgia for the way things are today, an age none of us will ever forget!