Category: Cancer-research

Year in Review 2022!

27/12/2022

Wow, what a year it has been for both me and Darrell. So much has happened in such a small space of time, I just don't know where to begin. I suppose I should start at the beginning - Darrell had been back in the UK for just a few short months and both of us were planning a future together in Portsmouth, in the aftermath of a pandemic that had conspired to keep us apart for nearly two years.

We were pretty happy and sorted at the beginning of 2022. Both of us were working in jobs we loved and were discussing the possibility of buying a home together for the first time in many years. The pandemic had been kind to us at least, and we had saved up a substantial amount of money for a deposit, but it just wasn't enough for somewhere big enough for our needs. To be honest, when I look back, I don't think either of us really wanted to live in a pokey one-bedroom flat, in a city we just couldn't call our own. I'm not sure if that sounds completely right, but what I am trying to say is, it never really felt like home. It didn't have the memories needed to form an emotional attachment. Although I had some strong friendships, keeping that connection alive, ultimately it wasn't enough to keep us in this famous naval city, on the south coast of England.

Darrell was working hard at Cancer Research in a job he loved. His boss and my friend Zerina was instrumental in keeping us both in Portsmouth for as long as we were there. She is one of my closest and dearest friends and a lady I hold in the highest regard. She has helped both me and Darrell out more times than I care to remember. Her advice has been invaluable, and she was a huge presence in both our lives. I don't think I have ever seen Darrell so happy in his work, as he was there, and he really put his heart and soul into a position he loved. Back then, I was sure we would stay in Portsmouth for the rest of our days.

Equally, I was thoroughly enjoying my position at Tesco, as I had done since I started there in 2018. In many ways, I had become part of the furniture and had settled into my role with ease. For the first time in many years, I had formed close friendships with some truly remarkable characters. These were the lifeline that kept me going when Darrell was away, and they held me together, while living a rather frugal existence in Portsmouth.

My colleagues on the Customer Service desk where I worked were such a close-knit group, it was always going to be a wrench leaving them behind under any circumstances, let alone what transpired later in the year. Together with my closest friend Jules, this was the World I wanted to keep, grasp tightly and not want to let go!

Jules was normally the first person I saw every morning, forever smiling, consistently welcoming and invariably so full of life. We talked about everything and anything, and he is the nearest to the Brother I have never really had. Our bond grew especially close during my last year in the UK, and I really don't think I would have survived those final days in Portsmouth without him. He was a shoulder to cry on, an encyclopedia of advice and always, just always that little bit 'extra gay'. Every morning we saw one another, we would always have the biggest bear hug and make sure to end our morning natter before work by saying those immortal words 'be extra gay today,' as we did every day, bringing a little bit of sunshine into an otherwise drab, dull world.

Of course nothing was quite as it seemed and although my work life was the best it had ever been, things at home were not working out. I had lived with my Aunt for four years and thoroughly enjoyed my time there. She was, in all but name, Mum, especially after my Mother died in 2019. My Aunt, Darrell and I all got on well in the same house, and it was an arrangement that worked perfectly for the most part. I suppose I became complacent and took our living situation for granted, believing things would carry on very much in the same vein, even when the danger signs were there.

Her son and my Cousin moved back into the family home in the middle of the year and despite a rocky start, things worked fine. I have always had a close bond with my Cousin, and in many respects he reminds me of myself. I'm not saying everything was a bed of roses, but we all learned to live under the same roof amicably and life continued as it had done before. Darrell and I did keep ourselves to ourselves a lot more, but I believe deep down we already knew it was time to leave.

Things came to a head after an uncalled-for family intervention. This was an unnecessary interference into what was essentially a personal matter, problems that just needed to be ironed out and boundaries set. As is the case in many families, talking seems to take a back seat, as situations spiral out of control, everyone burying their head in the sand, hoping issues will just go away. Both Darrell and I are as guilty of that as anyone. Sometimes it takes an argument to brings things to the fore and make us realise there is more to life.

My Cousin Rachel is one of the most honest up front people you will ever meet and despite a rather heated exchange of views, both Darrell and I were glad things were said as they were. This was a row that all three of us would have sorted out, no matter what the outcome, and we just expected things to return to normal. Like best laid plans of mice and men, it didn't work out that way, and an unwarranted text from someone who had not even witnessed the argument, suggesting Darrell and I should consider our position in Portsmouth, finally put the nail in the coffin.

We both decided, after receiving the text, that it was time to go. When people start digging the knife in, without a thought for no one but themselves, let alone two people who had done nothing but help, we knew our time was up. For our own sanity and peace of mind, we had to leave. There was no point staying somewhere where neither of us were wanted. This was a sad ending to our time in Portsmouth, but it also gave us an insight into what some people are really like. When a leopard finally shows its spots and the abuse starts flowing, it is time to head for the hills and not look back.

I will forever be thankful to my Aunt for taking me in at a particularly difficult point in my life. I will also always love my Cousins Rachel and Joe and their respective extended families. However, when I look back, I suppose I was never really a part of their lives anyway; I lived very much on the side lines, and both Darrell and I were quite happy to go back to 'us against the World,' and avoid family ties altogether - it's how we work best.

Initially we just walked away from a situation that had become toxic, but after a chat with my Aunt we returned to see if we could repair the damage that had been done. Despite getting closer to my Cousin Joe, spending a memorable last few months with him, we just couldn't see a future in that house with my family, and we decided to return to Australia and give this place one last chance. This was not an easy decision to make, but as I watched the decline of Britain on the news, and my own personal issues bubbling away, the warning signs were there; I knew it was something we had to do.

I spoke to my employer, who was amazing and fully supported my decision to take a 'lifestyle break' for a year, leaving the option to return to my job on the table, should everything fail down under. I couldn't thank my Manager Sammy enough for all she did for me at that time. Without her, I would have just walked out of Tesco and been left high and dry in the worst of circumstances. Her advice and help ensured a smooth transition to a new life in Australia.

The last month in Britain was a double-edged sword. This was a time I cemented friendships in a way I hadn't before. I had so many leaving parties, I lost count of the number of times I said goodbye, but these were people who wanted to give us a memorable send-off and show just how much they cared. I was on an emotional rollercoaster, and many tears flowed over the weeks before we left. Many of those who waved us on our way have kept in contact and continue to wish us well. All of them made our departure that much harder, and there were times I really thought about staying, but pulled myself back from the brink and continued to strive for a better future in Perth.

The hardest person to leave behind was Jules, tears really did flow on my final day. After all the planning, arranging of flights, hotels and travel, nothing can prepare you for actually saying goodbye to someone close, akin to family. Jules will always be in my life, I will make sure of that. I video call him when I can and message him often. My life is a little darker without him in it, and I wish things had turned out differently and our friendship could have grown into something even more special than it already is. It wasn't meant to be, and I will keep the flame of friendship burning bright from the other side of the World. There will always be a special place in my heart for the best friend who kept me going in the worst of times; of course I will always have regrets, but I also have to look forwards to the future.

We left Portsmouth on a rainy Saturday morning, after a series of emotional farewells. On that final day, Zerina turned up on the door step, just so she could wave us off. She did what others didn't, people who should have been there, and for that she will, like Jules, remain a friend for life. She also continues to phone, message and video call; as Darrell said to me, just the other day, she would have been his reason to stay. Zerina, along with Jules and my dear friend John, were the family we should have had, the people who truly loved us, and we loved back. You certainly can't choose your family, but you can evidently give it a damn good try!

Sitting at the airport, waiting for our first flight to Croatia, I was able to reflect on my time in the UK. I had, and still have, a feeling I won't be back any time soon, definitely not to live again, and it was time to let go of the past. At great milestones in my life, I have always thought about the 'what if's' and 'buts.' Our almost knee-jerk reaction to up and leave, had brought home the nature of what we were doing, we were leaving Britain for good, saying farewell to friends for the last time, but happy to leave the crap behind. In a few hours we would be with loving family in Croatia, with people who we cared for deeply, far away from the pain we were leaving behind.

Our trip to Australia was always about saying au revoir. With the UK becoming a distant memory, it was now time to connect with our Croatian Cousins before continuing on to Thailand. Marin and Vlatka had been in our lives since 2008, when Darrell went to Croatia to see family for the first time. We continued to go there year after year, and had many special memories to take with us on our journey home to Oz.

It had been a few years since we last saw them, and we hugged just like it was yesterday. Spending ten days with them at their home in Makarska was a joy and made us realise what family was all about. We had had such a torrid time before we left, we forgot that there were people who actually loved us and within a few short hours of arriving, we were comfortably at home, looked after by people who only had our best interests at heart.

Spending two weeks in Croatia was just what we both needed. We spent time visiting the Dalmatian Coast, relaxing in one of the many cafés and bars along the Makarska Riviera, gazing at the icy blue sea and just enjoying the peace and quiet. Vlatka and Marin prepared home cooked meals, and we sat talking to the early hours, catching up on family life in this beautiful Dalmatian town. I always feel like I am home when I am in Croatia, and this trip was no exception. This is a family like no other and the love they show is certainly unparalleled in my life; leaving is always the hardest part

Sitting outside a bar in Makarska, drinking a pint of Karlovacko, I heard murmurs from the tourists walking along the promenade. It had become apparent that HM Queen Elizabeth had died back home in Scotland. This amazing lady, the best public servant the UK has ever known, had quietly passed away, leaving a great gaping hole in all our lives.

My respect for the Queen goes back to my childhood, she is the only Monarch I have ever known. I became emotional, as I would if it had been a member of my own family. The Queen was the constant in my life, and she was now no longer there; words can not describe how upset I was.

I suppose in a way, it was quite poignant that she passed away as we were leaving the UK for a new life down under. An era was well and truly coming to an end, and her passing just reinforced the decision I made to leave. I was at least able to toast her passing, and made a promise to myself to watch the funeral from Thailand on the next leg of my journey.

Leaving Croatia was a wrench, as it always has been, but the time we spent with family was invaluable. We promised not to leave it so long in future and both of us know our family ties are always a reason to return to Europe, as we will do as soon as we are able.

Flying back into London to catch our flight to Bangkok was a rather surreal experience. The death of The Queen was palpable. Walking through the terminal after our arrival, there were TV screens and poster boards everywhere highlighting Her Majesties 70 years on the throne. I had returned to a country in mourning and a very different Kingdom. There was a quiet calmness about the place, as people reflected on just what Elizabeth II meant to them, deep in thought, glazed expression and respectful repose.

I would have loved to have laid flowers in her honour, but with our connecting flight less than 24 hours away, I was lucky enough to have a friend do it for me. Little John was heading to London that day, I was supposed to meet him, but with delays, it had become impossible, and he put a bouquet down in green park from him and me; a gesture I will never forget. This is what friends are for, and that's what made leaving Britain so hard.

Our two weeks in Bangkok were amazing, more than what we both expected. This was a city we both fell madly in love with, and a place we want to return to as soon as we are able. Bangkok is where modernity meets traditional Asian culture, sitting side by side, down every street, around every corner. There was so much to do and see, that we couldn't have possibly fit in everything we wanted to do. From the BTS Sky Train, Statue of The Golden Buddha and the many Royal Palaces, we weren't disappointed!

We spent the first part of our trip in the notorious Patpong district of the city, and this colourful area really did live up to its reputation. Patpong was an eye-opener in every respect, and we enjoyed some rather fun fuelled nights in the bars and restaurants down Silom Soi 4, where all the gay venues were situated. This rather hedonistic introduction to Bangkok, left us aghast on more than one occasion, but I am certainly glad we ventured into the dark depths of the city, even for just a short while.

Here I was able to see The late Queen Elizabeth's funeral on my laptop. Sat in The Siam Heritage Hotel, surrounded by oriental splendour, I was able to pay my respects to Her late Majesty and remember with fondness, her legacy and significance for me. It did feel strange being away from the UK at this time, but then this was just the beginning of our new life and as I watched from afar, the penny finally dropped; in all probability we will never live in Britain again. Our life was firmly on track towards our new home in Australia.

From Patpong and the Siam Heritage, we travelled across the city to Samsen Road, one of the oldest parts of the city. Here we settled into our luxurious hotel, where we enjoyed a more relaxing time. Close to all the major historical sites, we spent our time exploring this stunning part of Bangkok, visiting everything we could.

Darrell and I had firmly removed Britain from our thoughts, preferring to concentrate on the future. Travelling has always helped us forget some of the more difficult periods of our life, and this European/Asian adventure was the tonic we both needed. After several months of hell, we were now able to sit back and enjoy our favourite part of the World, free from pressure and stress, doom and gloom.

Surrounded by the beauty Bangkok offers, we immersed ourselves in the culture of a country that was so far removed from our own, yet strangely felt familiar and homely. This was a place where we both felt at ease, reassured and untroubled.

Opposite The Nuovo City Hotel, where we stayed, sat a small family run restaurant, 'So Samsen.' This became our go-to place and every evening we would go there for dinner. The food was exquisite, cooked by hostess Aom and her colleagues. Aom's credentials were impeccable, having helped set up a Michelin Star restaurant here in Perth, Western Australia, and at a reasonable price, we were able to taste the best of Thai food at a fraction of the price.

The ambiance was perfect; after each meal we sat looking out across the street where we were based, just chatting about the future, stroking the resident cat and soaking in the atmosphere. The girls, at So Samsen, would often sit and speak with us, adding to the friendly 'family' vibe. Both Darrell and I needed 'So Samsen' at that point in our journey, it reminded us, that there were good people out there, and a whole World to explore. I have never felt so secure somewhere in my life, and I know we were both reluctant to leave this pretty little restaurant behind. Its significance will remain a part of us always, as we continue our travels across the World.

.... and so to Australia where we are today, preparing, hopefully, for the rest of our life together. This has unsurprisingly been the hardest part of our journey. When I left the UK five months ago, I never believed my life would be where it is today. Back then I thought I would get somewhere to live pretty quickly, settle down and continue doing the same job I did in the UK. However, nothing ever turns out the way you want it to. Australia has changed out of all proportion since I was last here in 1997 and the differences are clear to see.

Back in the late 90s, finding somewhere to live was easy, today nothing but. After the worldwide pandemic, property is few and far between, and we are still, after three months, living was Darrell's Mother. This has of course made life very difficult, and we are continuing to battle very much as we did in the UK. This is the worst part of life here in Perth; everything else, however, seems on the surface at least, to be going in our favour.

My application to remain in Australia is in and in a couple of days, on the 28th December, I will finally be 'legally illegal.' My 'Bridging Visa A' will be activated, and I can live and work here unhindered. So far so good, but one has to remember this is only a temporary visa, before my final Spouse or Permanent Resident Visa is issued at some point in the future. Nevertheless, all the fees and solicitor costs are now paid, and it is now a waiting game, to see if I am accepted or not.

I completed my medical assessment several weeks ago and this will either give me the green light to stay, or signal our departure towards pastures new yet again. The results I have received back so far are good, but the major one isn't back yet. As part of the process I had to undergo a chest X-ray and as an ex smoker for the last thirty years, I am hoping nothing too major is flagged up, but only time will tell if that is the case. Everything else is perfect and good to go, I just hope this final hurdle is crossed without too much difficulty.

I have also got a job, one of the first I applied for, and will be starting as a Senior Manager for a large corporation just ten minutes from where I live now. The pay is double what I was earning in Britain, and it looks like this could be the job that secures my future in Australia.

Also on a positive note, we should now be able to buy a property early in the new year. We have both built up substantial savings and with a dual income, we have been told we can borrow up to $500,000. This will allow us to finally have a place of our own, not waste money on rent, and finally, after 27 years together, settle into Australian life.

The decision to leave The UK was always about taking a chance at a new life and as reluctant as I have been in the past, I am glad I threw caution to the wind and grasped the opportunity with both hands. I suppose the last few months in Britain showed me I had nothing to stay for, except the few friends I had made, and of course my Father. These important people will always be in my life wherever I am, here in Australia or in the UK, they will always have a pivotal role to play.

At 51 years old, I am glad to have made a decision to restart and reboot my life and hope everything turns out for the best. Both of us are travellers at heart, so in the worst case scenario, we will just continue what we enjoy doing most and take off on another impromptu expedition, looking out for another place to settle. We only get one chance in this World, and as my Father said to me recently, before I left, I have to make the most of my time and go where my heart desires. Whether this is my final destination or not, is irrelevant, the fact is, we are doing what we love; the hope is of course that the outcome is favourable, and we can finally leave the past behind!

From a new life in spain, to an old life in britain, 'roaming brit' documents uncertain times!

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