Having made the decision to take a year-long lifestyle break from work, now comes the hard bit. My calendar is full for the next few weeks, as I say farewell to friends and colleagues from Tesco and Cancer Research. Both of us made a conscious choice not to get involved with other people too closely, over the last few years. It was a decision born from experience and a need to save as much money as possible for our journey ahead. We had targets to meet to fund our trip, so we tried to not over spend and only buy essentials. I can probably count on two hands the amount of times I went on a good night out, and as sad as that is, it has given me more options today, as we set our sights on the holiday of a lifetime!

I am trying to spend as much time as possible with my nearest and dearest here in Portsmouth before we leave. After all, this isn't the usual holiday. Cancer Research has played a huge part in my life over the last four years and even though I no longer volunteer regularly, it is always good to catch up with Zerina and the rest of the team. I know Darrell has thoroughly enjoyed his six months there as Deputy Manager. Without this charity shop, my faith in charities and the good work they do, would have never been restored. As readers of Roaming Brit are aware, my blogging career started through adverse times at Oxfam, so anything that helped me overcome my fears was welcome.

Naturally Clayborne the Cancer Research Teddy will be coming with me, as he does on all my trips abroad, highlighting the good things this charity does. Clayborne came with Darrell and me when we last left the UK on our travels to the far east. He will equally be a marker for the sites and sounds we encounter this time. This little bear has travelled further than me over the last few years during the pandemic. He was even part of a repatriation flight to Los Angeles, when COVID was at its height. Cancer Research will leave a long legacy in the name of Clayborne, and he will be a link to this wonderful shop in the heart of Portsmouth for as long as I can travel!

With my Father approaching his 75th Birthday, I am trying to spend as much time with him as possible over the next few weeks. Today I visited him and also my Aunt at home in Fareham. Dad is understandably apprehensive about me taking a 'gap year' at 51 years old, but as I said to him, 'I want to enjoy travelling before I am too old.' Dad isn't someone who has ever been on holiday abroad, so for him, it is a concept he finds difficult to understand. Nevertheless, he has given me his blessing and just wants me to be happy. He understands both Darrell and I are travellers at heart, and although I will miss him terribly, I will see him again in a year!

The Siam Heritage Hotel will be our first port of call in Bangkok, as we spend four days in the heart of this vibrant city. This small boutique, traditional Thai hotel, will give us plenty of time to explore downtown Bangkok, a five-minute walk from Patpong and its extraordinary nightlife. This place suits me down to the ground, as a lover of accepted, time-honoured traditions. Modernity and souless architecture have never really been my thing; I would prefer that my stay in Thailand is more culturally centred, staying in surroundings more in keeping with the country in which I am staying.

This evening we are looking at hotels along the riverside, near to many of the historic monuments, in complete contrast to the fast pace of Patpong. I enjoy seeing the different contrasts of city life and like to experience the diversity that makes up the urban sprawl. I am immediately drawn to Chao Phraya River in the centre of Bangkok, having lived near or close to water most of my life,  and would like to stay in a Hotel overlooking this stunning waterfront. Wherever we stay in Bangkok, we are both looking forward to exploring a new city once again; This is what makes us gel as a couple, creating more memories for years to come.

We have also booked our flights to Croatia, Thailand and Australia and have been looking at flying to Bali and Indonesia after a two-month stay travelling across Australia. I have booked tickets direct with Thai Airways, having flown with them before, when we travelled to Vietnam in 2019. It was probably one of the best long haul flights I have ever been on, and although I am not looking forward to wearing a mask all the way to Perth, Western Australia, I understand the rules and regulations are in place to protect everyone flying with the airline. This will be a holiday like no other for many reasons, but at the tail end of the biggest pandemic in over a hundred years, it is even more poignant for us. Despite my initial fears, this is a journey we both need to take, as we get to know one another again after our two years of forced separation!

The next few weeks before our departure are going to be hectic. Planning a long trip isn't without its pitfalls. Working out an itinerary that works for both of us, especially two people with very different ideas, can be problematic. However, we've done this many times before, and it is the one thing at the moment, that keeps us focused. I am looking forward to leaving Portsmouth behind for an extended period, it is my home, yes, but it is also a place I have grown tired of. Maybe a year away will help me reconnect with this great naval city, returning on very different terms. For now, it will be a fond bon voyage, in future I may fall in love with Pompey once again, who knows... Only time will tell!

Being preoccupied with work recently, has been an absolute God send. At times, I moan about all the extra shifts I've taken on, complaining about how tired I am and how I should relax a bit more. However, it is my choice to take on any extra hours and if I am honest, I not only enjoy it, but it also helps me deal with the pressures I am under at the moment. I am fortunate to be doing jobs  I love, working with people who I adore and always have time for. My colleagues listen to my tales of woe and also lift me up when I am feeling down; God knows there have been a lot of days like that over the last month or so.

Whether I am working in the Newcome Arms, or in the local supermarket, I am just thankful to be employed, especially during this enduring pandemic. There has been moments of fun and laughter also, even while working in busy and challenging environments. Halloween has been a fantastic opportunity to let my hair down, despite working in my various roles. Dressing up and getting involved has been a real stress reliever. For a brief period of time, I have been able to forget about my own issues and concentrate on living in the moment. I am comfortable being in other people's company, chatting and soaking up the atmosphere at such a magical time of year.

It has been difficult stepping back from Zerina and the rest of the volunteers, even for a short while. This was my time, a day for me to enjoy the company of like-minded individuals and be who I want to be.  Darrell, however, has started to work there himself, while I am unable to, and that makes me happy, keeping that link alive while I do what I have to do.

As I begin a well-earned break and a short period of annual leave, I was able to pop into the shop in Commercial Road to say hi to everyone, and it felt like coming home. You have to remember this was the first place I started to work at, back in 2018. These were the first people I interacted with, after returning from Gran Alacant and the job that helped me restart my life in the UK. Naturally I have a strong affection for Cancer Research and everyone who works there and will most certainly be back in the future.

Despite my work commitments, I have managed to spend some valuable time with family, even if it was brief. My Aunt threw a Halloween party for the grandchildren and friends, and it was a great afternoon. It is events like this that make for noteworthy memories; without the kids, cousins and friends, my life would be all the poorer. At fifty years old, I have realised the significance of my kin folk and having them around. It is true, I have never been a big family man; there are periods I just want my space and time for Darrell and me, but I am well aware of how richer my life is with them in it.

It is important to note my continued battle with weight loss at this point. I am well aware I haven't been easy to live with since the beginning of October. When I began my quest to lose a few kilograms, I was well aware of the multiple times I have tried to diet in the past, all without success. On the 4th October I weighed nearly a hundred kilograms, today I weigh 89 kg, which is nearly a loss of two stone. It has been hard sticking to a strict calorie controlled diet, especially with all the stress I have, but surprisingly I have continued to follow my programme. This certainly isn't something I could maintain indefinitely, especially with all the work I have to do, but it is an encouragement to reach my goal of a 15 kg weight loss by the end of this month.

On top of this, I have had to endure the spectre of a reoccurring health issue, that has resurfaced after a long break. I am currently taking antibiotics for Diverticulitis, and they have rather knocked me for six. After seeing three Doctors in just two days and undergoing test after test, the results of which I am still waiting for, I have been given a course of two strong antibiotics, which have turned my stomach inside out; not great when you have IBS. Today I am having a semi fasting day and trying to manage my symptoms as best I can. My stomach is a lot calmer than it was, but still doesn't feel right.

Going out last night, with my old college friend Ramona, probably didn't help my IBS, but it's been five months since we saw each other and a long-overdue visit was in order. Darrell, Ramona and I popped down to Gunwharf Quays for a meal at Bella Italia, not part of my weight loss regime, but necessary nonetheless.

Neither of us have seen many friends, over the last few years, especially with the pandemic; it was important for us to start making time for those we regard as close and begin spending quality time with each other again. Like us, Ramona has had her fair share of ups and downs, so sharing our experiences helps, when we are going through hard times. It's always great to see Ramona, someone I have known for thirty years, she understands me more than anyone I know apart from Darrell and has always been an integral part of my life. She is the one person I can count on, while the rest of the 'hangers on' disappeared, usually up their own ar*es, and I thank God she remains firmly in my life.

....And finally...

There's a new cat in the house, Ragner the Ragdoll… He is absolutely adorable and the perfect addition to my Aunts household. If I had my way, I'd have hundreds of cats, so this twelve-week-old boy is just the icing on the cake, especially for my Aunt, who he absolutely loves. As a pedigree, he has a character and personality like no other, and I know he will give all of us joy at the end of a hard day's work. Cats are the biggest destresser I know, and he is already helping with the anxiety I feel on a daily basis!

... Things can only get better!

It's been eight days since I put pen to paper, or rather fingers to keys, and I've had the busiest time; I just don't seem to get a moment's peace lately. I've never been a person to genuinely unwind or chill and on occasion I really notice that fact; the resulting stress can be too much, causing all sorts of problems for my wellbeing. IBS is just one of the issues I have to work around, because I have never learnt to deal with the stress of life. Writing is the only mechanism I have to relax; it helps me process everything that is going on in my life and deal with circumstances I would otherwise ignore. This week I could have done with a few hours blogging, quietly in my bedroom, instead, I am having to write this entry, after a long nine-hour shift. Writing under such constraints can affect my writing, and it shows through the words I use. All of us need to make time for the things we enjoy, in order to create a more congenial environment in which to thrive.

I did manage to speak with Darrell briefly over the last week, however, as we begin the process of organising his return to the UK. This is no easy task in the current climate; no longer can you jump on a plane and fly to the other side of the World. A suitable care package will have to be arranged for Mum, in case Darrell is unable to return and her health deteriorates. He will have to apply for an exemption to travel, three months before he intends to fly and of course, both of us will have to monitor COVID restrictions carefully, in case things make a turn for the worst. Nothing is easy anymore, we are back where we were in 1998, and it's going to get harder.

Suddenly things have got hectic again, after nearly six months of lockdown. I have gone from working as little as possible and getting paid furlough from the pub where I work, to grafting 24/7. Don't get me wrong, I am fine with work and enjoy working hard, but in my 50th year, I should be taking it a little easier, not working every hour that God sends. The reality is, I need to make more time to do the things I love and take a step back when I am able, instead of agreeing to do everything for other people, getting very little in return.

My IBS has been chronic lately, I have had symptoms every single day, and they are getting worse. I am doing everything I can to try and control the symptoms, but my life has just become so damn stressful; the anxiety I feel is overtaking my life, consequently exacerbating my IBS symptoms. Trying to get Darrell back home for November has become my overriding priority and the steps we are having to take, is bringing back memories of our struggle to stay together in the late 1990s. If I am truthful, I am probably suffering with some form of depression and need something to help - therapy, medication or a friendly shoulder to cry on. I am finding this period difficult to manage, especially with my growing workload and need to rethink my current Situation.

Being back at Cancer Research has brought me close to the people I care about once again, laughing, joking and talking about everyday mundane stuff, that I haven't been able to do for so long. This is the outlet that I need each week, to get me through, but it is also a time when I should be taking it easy; integrating it into my schedule can be hard. I am going to have to make some adjustments in order to continue doing what I love most. This week will be a time to rework my life in order to continue moving in the direction I want.

After speaking with my Doctor this week, I am taking back control of my destiny. I have suffered with various aches and pains for too long now and have started demanding answers. Under GP supervision, I have cut back the statins I take for high cholesterol by half; after reading about the side effects, that could be responsible for the way I am feeling, I think I may have stumbled across some much-needed answers. It has been a week since I changed my medication and surprisingly, I am starting to feel a lot better. Maybe these little pills were causing me problems, maybe it's just psychosomatic or maybe, just maybe, I need to start doing things on my terms.

I have contacted Queen Alexandra Hospital, to try and push my gallstone operation forward and am also trying to discover when I have been scheduled to undergo colon and endoscopies. These are all part of the crucial investigations into the nature of the pain I am experiencing. My GP, is also writing to them to plead my case, for urgent examinations to begin as soon as possible, since my symptoms are getting worse. There are no guarantees of course, but I hope the more I harass and cajole, the more responsive they will be. I haven't felt good for a long-time now and just want to feel normal again. My Doctor seems to think, that when Darrell returns from Australia, all my problems will just disappear. I personally have my doubts; there is more to this than a simple return to normality; only time will tell.

On a positive note, with lockdown finally over on 17th May, I was back working behind the bar at the Newcome Arms. After seeing familiar faces once again, as cliché as it sounds, it really did feel like I had never been away. Colleagues and customers have always played an important role in my life in Portsmouth, and it was difficult being apart during the height of the pandemic. Returning to this backstreet pub was a sure sign normality was returning once again, at least in the short term. This was the first job I had in Portsmouth, after my return from Spain, and it is probably the most important for that reason. The people who frequent The Newcome are family friends first and foremost, my boss is a good and trusted friend and I feel comfortable in the company of colleagues, I have known for a long time now. These first small steps back to the way things were, will be difficult, but the little public house on the corner of Newcome Road, is a step back in time to the future all of us crave.

When I look at the state of the World today, I am lucky to be working at all. It was fortunate I returned home when I did in 2018, had I  still been in Spain when the pandemic hit, my life could have been very different. This week has offered a rare insight into life after COVID-19, and it's pretty much the same as it was before the virus. As long as we all remain vigilant and the Indian variant doesn't take hold in every corner of the country, all of us should be able to breathe a 'half sigh' of relief, looking forward to a life that was put on hold, eighteen months ago!

My colleagues at Cancer Research have already presented me a lovely card signed by all the staff, and I've been given my orders to go in on Monday, to collect a gift. These are a special group of people, who mean the World to me, making their good wishes all the more special.

My Cousin Emmy has also given me an early Dolly Parton apron, Birthday present, which really put a smile on my face. To be honest it probably just shows my age, when my biggest musical hero is Dolly, but that is just a measure of who I am. As one of my friends recently put it, 'you are an individual in every way, it's why we love you.' Such a lovely thing to say, but reading between the words, I have always been unique, at least to those who know me best. Being atypical isn't necessarily a good thing and my difference can often get me into trouble!

Yesterday, along with my Aunt, I went to see my Father, after being separated for the last six months. Still unable to hug or touch, we were at least happy to be in each other's company after so long. Dad does look a little frailer than he was, but having lived under lockdown restrictions for such a long time, it really isn't a surprise. We had initially arranged to meet today, but with the weather a cause for concern, we decided to go a day early instead. The sun was out, and it was the perfect day, to meet outside, in line with the current Pandemic restrictions.

On arrival, we went to lay flowers at my Nan and Grandads grave. I haven't been there for about five years, so it was important to visit just before my 50th Birthday. The headstone looked well looked after and cared for and after placing the bouquet on their resting place, we spent a few moments alone with our thoughts. I do find it strange, standing by a graveside, knowing that my family are buried below, but this is how Nan and Grandad wanted to be remembered; it was important to them.

We drove to a nearby garden centre, where we walked around, chatting and talking. Dad seemed genuinely content to see us, after such a long time in isolation. I do of course phone my Father each week, but conversing on a telephone isn't the same as speaking in person. Next time we see one another, we should be able to hug, as a Father and son should. These are early days yet, but thankfully Dad has had his two vaccines, so is now as protected as he can be. With my second jab due in a few weeks, it should make it even easier to be in his company.

We sat in the makeshift restaurant outside, thankfully undercover, and also had a spot of lunch. It felt rather comical, wrapped up in a cardigan and a jacket, eating a meal, with the wind blowing ever colder outside, but these are extraordinary days we are living through and have to do what is necessary. The meal was as lovely as it always is, and we left, travelling the short distance to Dads house, where he gave me a card.

We spent another hour or so talking about family matters, sitting in Dads beautiful garden. The sun was still shining, and I felt relaxed and philosophical about my half a century milestone. It isn't a Birthday I have been looking forward to with undiluted pleasure, but it has given me the time to think about my life, past and present and the direction it may take in the future. As I get older, I do understand the importance of family more and more; this Birthday will underline their significance in my life at such a difficult juncture. Tomorrow will be about spending quality time with my Aunt, Cousins and the kids and firmly laying to rest the most difficult decade of my life!

It felt amazing to be back at Cancer Research this Monday, the first time, since the third lockdown ended. I have missed working with these people, their dedication and commitment to raising funds is a wonderful thing to see. Thankfully everyone seems to have survived the third most deadly wave of COVID-19, and it was good to see familiar faces, friends and colleagues, once again.

My Monday mornings at the shop in Commercial Road, Portsmouth, are always fun filled - dressing up, joking and laughing, is all part of the course when you volunteer for a charity. People like me, who give up their spare time, free and gratis are always happy to be there, for that reason, it makes for a more contented atmosphere. Cancer Research is part of my 'downtime,' consequently my few hours a week here, helps me unwind and relax, not something I have done for a long time.

I've got my fingers crossed, that the nation won't be heading into a fourth lockdown anytime soon, and I will be able to continue volunteering, at least throughout the summer months. After all, in the Autumn, depending on the course of the virus, we may well be locked down once again. For now, I will make the most of my time and enjoy what I like doing best, working for a charity I love. In the company of others who I adore, I will be smiling once again, in a way I haven't throughout this pandemic, what more can I ask for; let life begin again!

It has been three years since I lived in Gran Alacant, but I always keep in touch with the wonderful community on the Costa Blanca when I can. Gran Alacant was full of wonderful characters, many of whom remain friends today. One such person is June Menditta, who I have written about before. This is a lady who helped Darrell and I tremendously when we first moved to Spain in January 2016. June often posts photographs and memories from my time in GA, and I am always interested to see how she is getting on.

As a pivotal part of the Expat community, June is a big personality and has always done what she can, to help charities that she holds dear. She was always the centre of information and a 'go to' place when needing advice. She is someone I hold in the highest regard and miss terribly. June will be one of the first people I visit when I return to Gran Alacant and is a person I am glad to call a friend.

June sent me a message the other day detailing her charitable efforts, raising money for Cancer Research, a charity I have taken to my heart back home in Britain. Her 10,000 steps a day challenge has raised 750€ for important research, with June completing a final step count of 376,824, which is a staggering 147 miles. This is an amazing achievement for June and certainly tugged at my heart strings, as I read about her endeavours.

My memories of Spain are wide and varied, but the people who live and work in Gran Alacant are always on my mind. Throughout this pandemic, I have often thought about them and the lives they have forged in Europe. The contribution Expats make to local life, wherever they are based, is often overlooked by the vast majority of the British public; most have no concept about living abroad. However, throughout Spain and beyond, there are small enclaves of British Ex patriots doing their bit to raise money for good causes, even if life is a struggle for them. The mark of true altruism, is selflessly helping those in greatest need, despite our own obligations and demanding lifestyles. The people of Gran Alacant always go that extra mile, to give back, even in an unforgiving World.

It's been eight days since I last blogged, rather a long time for me. The truth is,  I've had an extremely busy week work wise and just haven't had the time. Today is the first day, I have just been able to relax and unwind;  every bone in my body aches, but after a perfect nights sleep, I feel great and ready for anything.

I have always tried to limit the amount of hours I work in order to concentrate on the things I love. I don't need to work the long days I have in the past, and I am quite happy with the thirty or so hours I dedicate each week. It allows me to save for the future and keep my head above water until Darrell comes home, and we decide what we are going to do for the rest of our lives. These past seven days however, I have taken on extra shifts, while people are on holiday and have worked far more than I usually do.

It has been a particularly uplifting few days at work. As an organisation we have been raising money for Cancer Research, my charity of choice, especially as I also volunteer for them when I can. Wearing pink, we have created awareness about a subject many of us find hard to discuss and talk about.

The pandemic has prevented many charities from raising money, so this was probably one of the first opportunities we have had, to really get Cancer Research involved in our efforts as a shop. Representatives were finally allowed through the doors to help promote the good work they do, and it did feel very close to the old days, before COVID-19. It was inspiring to be back doing what we all do best as a company. I have worked for many charities in the past, some better than others, but Tesco really do go that extra mile, and it shows in the dedication they have towards local and national groups who all need our help at this time.

It was quite apt that we were collecting money for Cancer Research this week; on Saturday I received some news, that I wish I really hadn't. I'm sure readers of Roaming Brit will recall dear 'Mrs F,' a lady who I had formed a close friendship with over the last year, during the pandemic. Well sadly she has been diagnosed with cancer, leaving an extremely heartfelt message on my phone explaining her diagnosis.

Mrs F sounded extremely frail and upset, understandably so, expressing a wish to see me before she passed away, so she could say goodbye. I felt extremely emotional and upset at this terrible news, but understand how important it is to see my lovely friend before she dies. Cancer is such a terrible disease, half of us will experience it in some form during our lifetime. It is so important to do what we can, as human beings, to help those closest, get through such a tough, burdensome time. Mrs F's diagnosis isn't good, and it is especially pertinent for me to see her as soon as I can. She was an important person in my life, especially after the death of my Mother and I want to make sure she understands how much I care.

I am due at the hospital myself this week, to have some XRAY's done on my back and pelvis, so my Rheumatologist, can determine the source of pain I have had over the past few years. It will also be the perfect opportunity to see Mrs F and say a final farewell.

There appears to be so much death in the headlines at the moment and as a person who overthinks situations, it often plays on my mind somewhat. The COVID Pandemic does seem on the surface at least, to be under control here, and I think all of us can breathe a sigh of relief. My own father has had his second vaccine and mine is due in a little over a month. After another negative test result from COVID yesterday, I am feeling far more confident about the future, than I have done in many months. However not all countries are doing so well.

Last week I highlighted Brazil's huge failure in dealing with Coronavirus. Its right wing President has little or no concern for the people he is supposed to represent and the death toll is in the hundreds of thousands. Looking at the news this week, I was shocked to see another country in a similar, if not worst position.

India, a country my Aunt knows well, having travelled there many times before, is suffering in a way none of us can fully comprehend. The news reports from this hugely populated country are grim. Photo's of burning bodies, being cremated in groups along the sides of rivers, as people die in the streets through lack of oxygen and medical supplies is deeply disturbing. These are photographs depicting scenes from hell and I can't express how unsettled I was to witness them.

Yet another failed right wing government is sacrificing its people, ignoring the scale of the unfolding disaster across the nation. This is a country that can afford to send rockets into space, but can't or won't protect its citizens. The failures of the pandemic are clear to see, and they exist in the policies of countries who care little for their people, where free market ideals take priority over saving lives and lockdowns are only used when all else has failed. The COVID crisis has really underlined the abject blunders and collapse of policies that have proven bankrupt when dealing with the protection of human life during a crisis. The last few years really have shown just how substandard and atrocious our world leaders are; I hope this will be a catalyst for change, I'm afraid it will just be ignored, like many logistical disasters of the past.

.... And finally - Darrell and I are beginning to work out the timescale for his return to the UK. Mum in law's cancer seems to be under control now and able to be managed, when he returns, which is good news. My fingers are crossed for him receiving his first vaccine this week and both of us can at least see a chink of light at the end of the tunnel. Of course nothing runs smooth in our life, but hopefully we can be a little more positive especially with the pandemic under control in the UK. Australia have entered a three-day lockdown however and the hope is it will be enough to control an outbreak of the Indian strain of the virus.

As winter turns to summer, so to my mood turns from pessimism to optimism. All of us have had our struggles to endure this last year and a half, but unlike so many others, most of us have survived relatively unscathed. When Autumn returns, I will finally be able to count the days before Darrell's return and hopefully look forward to a virus free World; until then we keep battling on!

It was all change today, as Britain moved out of lockdown and began to open up once again. After four months of closure, non-essential shops, hairdressers, alfresco dining and pubs can once again reopen, beginning the first tentative steps towards normality. Of course this was happening under the veil of the Duke of Edinburgh's death and the national eight days of mourning the country is currently in the midst of.

Out of respect to Prince Philip, all flags on public buildings are flying at half-mast and Portsmouth is no exception. Taking a short walk to Guildhall square over the last few days, I was pleased to see the Union Flag lowered to honour the memory of one of our countries greatest modernisers. Being a naval city, Portsmouth did have a close association with His Royal Highness and other members of the Royal Family. Guns were fired at The Hard in Portsea to mark his passing and by and large, locals are respectful and contemplative about the death of a long-standing national figure, like the Duke. You would expect nothing less from the headquarters of The Royal Navy, and I am proud to call this place home.

Things do seem rather different after the Dukes death; the period of national mourning dictates how Britain functions for the next eight days. Newsreaders and presenters wear sombre clothes, television shows reflect the mood of the country, and public services and advertising billboards give consideration to the loss of a significant member of the royal family. I was moved by a simple advertising hoarding at a bus stop in Commercial Road, marking the death of His Royal Highness, a sight mirrored throughout the city and country at large. The next eight days will be a period to remember and reflect on the life of Prince Philip, but it will also be a time to think about our own families and the loss we have all felt over the last year. There is no doubt we are all living through historic times and the death of the Queen's husband reinforces the challenges we are navigating; all of us have to find our own path through the difficulties both now and tomorrow.

The changing landscape was most noticeable today, as England's strict lockdown was lifted. I walked into the city early, to see everyone at Cancer Research, where I will be returning  soon, to once again start volunteering with Zerina, Sam and everyone else. I took a bag of unwanted clothes into the shop, and it was wonderful to finally see it open again, since its closure, the week before Christmas. The usual faces were there, beavering away behind the scenes; it felt like 'coming home,' chatting with old friends and colleagues alike.

The shop had been cleared of all its Christmas stock, that had been proudly displayed up until a few days ago. It looked refreshed and ready for customers to return once again; such a welcome sight, after an awful trading period. Some members of staff were a little apprehensive over the reopening, after only having a single jab, but most were just happy to be back making money for Cancer Research. In a few weeks, after a particularly busy time for me, I will be back in the ranks, looking forward to the months ahead.

The rest of the city centre, was less busy than I expected. There were plenty of people about, but not the huge crowds one would have expected on the first day after lockdown. There was a large queue of customers outside Primark, but it was all well-organised and good-humoured, as everyone waited patiently in line. Thankfully I wasn't going to join them for a spot of shopping, Primark just isn't my kind of shop and I could think of nothing worse than being in close quarters with the great unwashed. I hurriedly passed by, happy to avoid the eager shoppers.

The constantly changing landscape has been discernible over the last year, as we move from lockdown to opening up. The failure of 'Eat Out to Help Out,' and inevitable spread of the virus, cancelled family Christmases, the closure of public houses, communistic queuing in high streets and dystopian views, with roads free of traffic, have all contributed to a period like no other in our history. I am conscious of the tumultuous days that our now behind us, but I am apprehensive about the equally unsettled future ahead.

Walking around the high street today, in the middle of an international crisis and an eight-day period of national mourning, I was more aware than ever of my own place in the World. I am just a single person, on a planet of 7 billion, trying to survive at a time when the planet is being ravaged by a pandemic. These first small steps to freedom are just the beginning of a return to sanity and I embrace them wholeheartedly. I hope and pray this will be the last lockdown, but nothing is certain as we all do our best not to repeat the mistakes of the past!

It's been another debilitating week if I am honest. Living in the new COVID-19 World, has really taken its toll over the last week and there have been many occasions, I've just wanted to run away and hide. The constant anxiety triggering situations, are getting me down more and more, as each day passes. However, I am one of the lucky ones, who is active and able to carry on living as normal a life as possible. Work, in whatever capacity, is the real saving grace for me. Being around people is so important right now and on the day the Government announced Portsmouth is moving into the higher Tier 3, of Coronavirus restrictions, I am able to at least appreciate the little things that make me happy.

Entertainment venues, pubs and restaurants will be shutting down from Saturday and for those not working, on furlough, it is yet another blow to their sense of well-being, in this crazy time we are living in. Luckily, I am surrounded by people every day, it is rare for me to spend anytime on my own, so yet another draconian lockdown won't change my life that much. In reality, I haven't eaten out in a while, or even been able to spend quality time with friends, for an even longer period of time, but that doesn't seem to be bothering me too much.

At Cancer Research I am surrounded by friends and colleagues and each of us have done our best, to make each other smile. I have always had a great sense of fun anyway and my few hours a week volunteering just brings out the best, or some would say, worst in me. Monday morning is a time to relax and unwind from the previous week and I do make the most of my shift; this is a day I look forward to, suffering mentally when the shop was closed during the first wave of the pandemic. It is easy to see how people lose hope when they live alone, can not leave their homes or have to shield from the worst of the pandemic.

I am fortunate to be one of those rare breeds of people, who can always keep myself occupied, no matter how long I spend on my own, so this has become a time for reflection, writing and reassessing one's life. My days volunteering, working for a cause I truly believe in, gives me an escape from the worst of 2020. Taking photographs, gossiping and just having people to talk to, is really the icing on the cake, the glue that holds all of us together as a team

With the Newcome Arms closed indefinitely, until it becomes safe to work behind the bar again, I feel one of the lucky ones to still be furloughed. The Newcome is a popular local pub and there will always be a place in the hearts of all the patrons, for this venue; when we do open again, the bar will be as busy as it ever was. Unlike other businesses, the Newcome will bounce back stronger than ever, of that I am assured, and I do look forward to the day I can return safely. I still see many of the customers daily in my 9 to 5 job, less than half a mile away. This local supermarket is the place that has kept me going and stopped me from becoming so depressed, that I find it impossible to function.

Getting up every day, going to a job you love, conversing with colleagues and enjoying the banter with customers has been the biggest lifeline of all. I have worked particularly hard this year, during the pandemic, and it has kept my mind focused on the goals I set for myself. I have had very little time to think about my position and even less time to Wellow in my own self-pity. Listening to the concerns of shoppers and those I work with, have allowed me to forget my own difficulties, for the last nine months, and I am grateful to have had employment at such a challenging time for our country. I never would have believed, just how much my job in a supermarket, would have meant to me this time last year. This job to tide me over, while I stayed in the UK, has been the one thing that has given me a sense of purpose, while so many others lost direction, this has been the chink of light at a time of darkness and the road to freedom, during a year of heartache!