A blog about how I'm feeling today, nothing specific, just a few thoughts on various different topics, starting of course with Oxfam. I am lucky enough to have been given a lot of support and encouragement this weekend, especially from those who live and work in Gran Alacant. It has been wonderful to speak to customers at LoungeD, who have made a point of coming in and wishing me good luck, offering their own thoughts and feelings on the difficulties Oxfam are currently experiencing; Expats are a very upfront lot and will always tell you how it is. Everyone I have spoken to, has given me the inspiration and motivation to continue pushing forwards, with my desire to make others aware of Oxfam's failings. Ex colleagues have also been in contact, all shocked at what they were hearing; many apologising for not believing my complaints against Oxfam at the time. This is not a moment for recriminations, this should be a period when all of us should stand together and fight Oxfam's cover ups and misinformation. It is important, that at the end of this soul searching process, everything is done to protect the victims and everyone else who continues to work and volunteer with this charity. I will certainly continue to work for justice, as I know many others will too!

I have also heard from a lot of friends back home in the UK in recent days, many I haven't seen  in over three years. A lot  have been reading my blog, getting to know me once again. This got me thinking; actually I became a bit nostalgic, so did a bit of facebook stalking, looking though old posts from ten years ago; adding friends and family I haven't spoken to in a while or lost contact with over the years. This is something I need to do as an Expat living on the other side of Europe. Many people complain tirelessly about the invasive nature of facebook, but I can't speak highly enough of it. It allows me to stay in contact with many people I wouldn't ordinarily see; importantly it also permits me to showcase my blogging and writing, especially vital when you rely on it for part of your income. My advice to anyone who uses social media is: Be careful, don't give out personal details and don't add people you don't know. Finally be very careful what you say, especially if your employer is on your friends list.

Continuing with the facebook theme; whilst scrolling through my wall, viewing what I can only describe as 'testing times' I was unlucky enough to come across some truly cringe worthy status updates. Facebook of course documents a persons thoughts and feelings in all its gory detail. Much of what I was browsing was not what I would broadcast to the World today. When one suffers with bipolar, one does have good and bad periods. This can be clearly seen in social networking blunders. The things I write now are extremely tame in comparison and thank God for that. I have clearly moved on  a lot from those dark days a few years ago. I think I may also owe a lot of people an apology for the distress I may have caused to them in the past, something I will be doing over the next few days. Reflecting on ones past mistakes is a good thing, learning from them is important.

It was an early morning walk for me today, trying to lose a few pounds. I do find walking the best time to think. Sometimes I get writers block and literally have no idea what to write, rather like this morning actually, so a brisk walk gave me the subject matter for today's blog. I am beginning to feel a lot better about myself, finding it easier to walk each day, the more I do it; my belt feels a little less tight also, which is a good thing. My eating habits have also improved dramatically. Everything we eat is cooked from scratch; I eat very little processed food, including cheese and chocolate, two things I have cut completely out of my diet. Also, even though I am still smoking, I have cut down dramatically, smoking no more that a packet of twenty a week. That is great for me, especially when one considers I used to smoke eighty cigarettes a day. Smoking has always been the bane of my life, especially with my addictive personality.

I could feel the sun on my face this Monday; the cold evenings are nearly at an end. I really don't enjoy this time of year in Spain, especially without the little luxuries, we are used to in Britain; central heating and carpets, to name but two. The winter doesn't really last that long. In December we were still enjoying temperatures of 25 degrees, so in reality it just consists of two months, which isn't too bad; I think they just feel far worse here. You are experiencing 8 or ten degrees during the night, which can be a massive drop from the temperatures during the day. That's a second year under my belt; it's uphill all the way now.

As winter comes to an end, we have already had a number of friends ask if they can come over and stay, for a few weeks during the summer season. In the UK, we used to have waifs and strays in and out of our house everyday, not always when I wanted, consequently, I wasn't necessarily happy to have people invading my space. I am quite a private person as a rule and do value my own time; very difficult to achieve, living in Southampton. Here however I am more than happy to have guests coming and going; it keeps a link to the past, especially warranted when settling into a new way of life. Moving to Australia was an option at one stage, before we decided to emigrate to Spain. Here, we wouldn't have seen any close friends, so I am grateful we can at least receive visitors today. Who knows, if we move to Australia in the future, things may well be very different. If you want to come and visit this year, please let me know as soon as you can!

So there we go, a few random thoughts for today; things on my mind, as I went for my morning walk around Gran Alacant. Have a wonderful day y'all!

I've just got back from an early morning walk around Puerto Marino. The fact I am walking at all is an achievement for me; I detest it. When I am overweight, the last thing I want to do, is walk around in public; equally I would not choose to go to a gym, surrounded by body beautiful men or women. Part of the problem, when you are larger than you should be, is the lack of confidence you have. I don't mind admitting, I am very self conscious at times. I am under no illusions however; I know I have to exercise more.

Last night I was working at LoungeD, when one of our regular customers, Jim came in. We started talking about keeping fit, living in Gran Alacant. Jim forces himself to get out and walk everyday, no matter what he is doing. It is easy to fall into the Expat trap; sitting in bars, drinking cheap pints of beer and not moving too far; it is a local pastime for many. I can understand why, especially when you feel you are on holiday every day of your life. Most of those who live here are retired and deserve to enjoy their retirement as they wish. For me however, middle aged and unfit, I am concerned about my weight.

I have always had a weight problem and have yo yo dieted for years, losing weight as much as gaining in. I have gone from a size 26" to a size 44" waist in my life time and everything in-between. I can never lose just enough bulk to stay healthy, always going for extreme options, having suffered with eating disorders in the past. I am a person of bipolarity in all respects; never following the middle road; until today that is!

I have had enough of diet fads and extreme weight loss and gain; I know I need to follow a more positive, moderate path, in order to get healthy and of course lower my high blood pressure. I'm going to start off small, 30 or 40 minutes walking a day and gradually increase my fitness from there; even if I don't want to. Someone, much fitter than I, once told me, you are either a keep fit addict or not; admitting that they didn't always want to get up early and go for a run. I tend to agree with them, for me any exercise is a chore and not something that comes easy!

At school, I was a 'fat' kid; no idea why, since my brother was the complete opposite. He was into sport, played football and cricket and generally did everything I didn't. I guess I got the raw end of the deal in the fitness department. When you are a bigger child, it does have an impact on your life. Being the last child to be picked, to join a team in physical education lessons, does leave a lasting legacy. At school I would do everything to avoid lessons; fake illness, bunk off or smoke behind the bike sheds; I hated it that much. Of course the more you hate something, the more anxiety you suffer, when confronted with your fear. in my case the more I would eat, just to make myself feel better. I would resort to munching, every time I felt uncomfortable or in a situation I didn't like.

Living in Spain I have began the process of renewal in all respects. At 46 years old, I have to start making some changes to  my lifestyle, if I want to live past the age of 50; I am all too aware of that. I have been testing my blood pressure all week and it is higher than it should be, at times significantly so; I have begun to make changes for my wellbeing. I no longer smoke at home; in fact the only time I have a cigarette, is when I am at work and that is no more than three. I understand I have to give up completely, that will come in time. I have also ditched unhealthy food, including my favourite cheese and chocolate, replacing them with nuts and fruit. So a few tentative steps towards my goal of healthy living; I'll do my best to keep it up and of course keep all of you updated!

It's bloody gorgeous today, 25 degrees in the sun room and we are still in January. Last night I was listening to the news from back in the UK; temperatures dipping to -8 degrees, ice, snow and gridlock on the roads. When people say to me, do you miss home? I just have to look out of the window or sit on my bedroom terrace, as I was this morning and reply in the only way I can; no, an emphatic NO; how could I when I am living here.

Of course the weather is the biggest factor, when deciding to move abroad in the first place. The climate is great for my wellbeing, as well as mine and Darrell's arthritis. It is also part of an important environmental change, combating depression and other related issues, including anxiety and stress. An important measure of just how much my health and happiness has changed, is my blood pressure. Today I walked up to our neighbours house; Andy was lending me a blood pressure monitor. After having a conversation  with him and his lovely wife Emma last night, in the pub, I was a little concerned about how high my blood pressure probably was. Initially my bp was 140 over 108, high, but not dramatically; after a few minutes we checked it again it was 130 over 95. I remember ten fifteen years ago, when I lived in the UK, my blood pressure was much higher than both of these readings.

Of course, living in Spain, my lifestyle has changed. I eat far healthier, drink a lot less and avoid burning the candle at both ends. My problem is lack of exercise, something I need to change in future. The main benefit for me, living in Gran Alacant is the weather; I no longer feel a prisoner in my own home. Finally I live in a place, where it is very difficult to feel depressed, at least on the surface. A change in environment is just what the doctor ordered!

Happy Sunday Y'all

For the first time, in a long time, I haven't blogged for twenty four hours, I left that pleasure, to my Scottish friend Rab and his thought for the day. I have been busy myself; it was Dia De Los Reyes (Three Kings Day) yesterday, in Spain; traditionally the time, when Spanish Children are given their Christmas presents, in complete contrast to Britain's Christmas Day, on 25th December.

The Monte Mar Bowls Club, also had a fun day in Gran Alacant on Saturday; LoungeD was the venue for drinks and refreshments, during their breaks from the various activities, taking place at the bowling green opposite Plazor Mayor, where LoungeD is situated. It was a long day for me, arriving at work at 8.45 am and eventually getting home at 9.30pm. It was, however, lovely to see one of my favourite customers, David at LoungeD, with his son, who had returned briefly this new year. One of the most difficult aspects of life living in Gran Alacant, is the transient nature of those who come and go; David returns home today and I am looking forward to seeing him again in February. After work, a large bottle of Rioja was due and duly drunk. I had a slight hangover this morning but slept like a rock; the end of a successful day!

With yesterday being 'Three Kings Day,' it was a Red Day or Bank Holiday here in Spain. Darrell and Chris drove into Elche, while I was at work, forgetting what day it was; everything was closed. As one resident told me: 'The Spanish are very militant about their holidays; nothing, absolutely NOTHING will be open.' After a drive back, they both spent the day in the square at Plaza Mayor, drinking cocktails at 'Rogers.' Still it was a great way to get Chris acquainted with Gran Alacant and meeting new people.

It is good to have Chris here; I know he does find it difficult at home sometimes, so he can use his stay as a much needed break, from the drudgery of life. Chris is also writing a book, so he can use his time to finish it, something he has been wanting to do for a while. Gran Alacant, is a great introduction to Spain; he may decide to go further afield and explore the glorious topography, this country is famous for; equally he made decide to return to the south coast of England!

I am happy to keep good links to the past and mine and Darrell's life in Southampton. Not everyone I knew back then are on my priority list of friends to remain contact with. I got an email the other day, from someone I knew back home; someone I wasn't entirely comfortable with. They wanted to come out and stay; probably to get a free holiday; needless to say I am not replying to the message. I am very choosy who I keep in contact with these days. My absence from those in Britain has fortunately allowed me to reassess situations, circumstances and people. Two years ago I had very clouded judgement about those who were supposed to be close, believing people to be friends when they weren't; moving away from these influences has shown me, who they really are.

Chris has just popped up to meet Natalee before she starts work, if he manages to find where she lives, which gives me time to cook dinner and get ready for my shift. Darrell is still in bed; he has work tonight and Mollie and Wildling are in hiding, not happy with our new guest. It is another glorious day today; this winter really has been warmer than usual, perfect for Chris to have a wonder around Gran Alacant, getting to know the place. Tomorrow is another Red Day in Spain, even more time to chill and discover, just what this place has to offer!

I have met some wonderful characters working at LoungeD; the most rewarding aspect of working in a bar. A couple of nights ago, two of our regular customers returned, after a few months away in sunnier climes and we got chatting, as we usually do. For some unknown reason, the subject turned to the supernatural. I am quite a spiritual person myself, an agnostic in name and by nature; a believer in a higher being, although unsure what or who that is; I am also a convert where ghosts, spirits and an afterlife is concerned. In truth I never used to be, but changed my mind, after experiencing unexplainable experiences later in life. 

​In the early 1990s, whilst living in Southampton, I saw what one could only describe as an apparition, a vision that didn't fit in with my surroundings. I lived in a rather odd shaped flat, in St Mary's; a heavily built up inner city area, close to the centre. St Mary's had a large immigrant community; an area also preferred by students, because it was cheaper than elsewhere in the City. The flat was triangular in shape, reaching its point in the lounge, sporting a large arched window at its apex, overlooking the road in front. It was my first flat, with my then new partner; small, rather dated but perfect for a new young couple. We decorated it, as best we could; money was tight but that didn't matter; why would it, we were enjoying our first home together. I have many happy memories from that time, others more morose and one I can not explain, eerie, chilling and thought provoking!

It was 1993, we had just finished painting the bedroom; it was a deep plum colour, not purple or red, somewhere inbetween. We had just picked up a new bed, from a generous benefactor; I can remember collecting it, but for the life of me, can't recall who from. Looking back, it was probably the best bed I had ever had, really comfortable, a large king size, enough room for ten; It fitted in our new bedroom perfectly. Just to the right, on my side of the mattress, was a large window; the sun shone through everyday, warming the room; always a bonus, since the building had no heating and was often cold.  You could see the air from your mouth as you spoke, cascading forth, like puffing away on a packet of those Marlboro 100s, I used to smoke; 80 a day and that is a conservative guess! 

I was laying down, spread eagle, looking up at the ceiling; it was a Sunday morning and my partner had just left for work, he was an organist in the local church. As I lay there contemplating the day ahead, from the corner of my right eye, I saw a figure appear through the wall, walking past the bottom of my bed looking straight ahead, disappearing across the other side of the room; through the wall without a second look. I had no idea what had just happened, but knew deep inside, I had seen something other worldly. A startling but comforting experience at the same time, that I shall never forget. It was a few months later that I met someone who also used to live in the same flat, just by chance, as if it was meant to be, who also described the same experience as me; in fact in her words, whenever she dreamed, she dreamed of that house, as I still do today. There was a presence there, not terrible or evil, just calming and serene!

A couple I met in the summer, just after LoungeD opened, have returned to their holiday home in Gran Alacant. I will call them Mike and Ruth; I never use peoples real names, unless I am naming and shaming. A blog is a wonderful thing, but can still get me in  trouble, by mentioning things I shouldn't. Mike told me about his experience, taking his dog for a walk in the forest at Temple Newsam, near Leeds. His dog had ran off, as a Lady appeared, dressed in blue by his side. She turned to Mike asking him if he could tell her where the 'large house' was. Mike turned away briefly to point her in the right direction, a few seconds later he looked  back, this time the unknown lady had vanished, she was gone, disappeared from view, nowhere to be seen.

Mike told Ruth what happened, when he returned home; she immediately knew what had occurred, Mike had come across the 'Blue Lady,' who is said to haunt the grounds at Temple Newsam. Neither of them know for sure if what Mike saw was a ghost or a real person, just as I can not explain what I observed walking at the bottom of my bed, it is something we will never know, but that really isn't the point. A wise lady once told me, that if our minds remain receptive and open, we would observe those who had walked these streets before us; a record of past lives, lived in the shadow of our own.

As a person I remain deeply spiritual; I am a Palmist, have a pack of tarot cards, practice runes and have had experiences that I can't explain. I rarely talk about these things, since some people remain understandably skeptical, at times hostile to any talk of ghosts and spirits. My beliefs are personal, consequently I have no need to express how I feel publicly. Occasionally you will come across people like Mike and Ruth, who not only allow you to talk without prejudice, but also have their own stories to tell. Life is a journey, one where you will meet many different people. My faith tells me everything is meant to be; we are born, with our lives already mapped out, it's up to us how we reach the end of our story, a story that also includes meeting people, just like Mike and Ruth, who I just happened to cross paths with, whist travelling the  road I am currently on; my road, my journey, my story, my life! We all have a tale to tell, some more explosive than others. Listen to the narrative, give your earnest attention and don't judge until you understand the words spoken. The only people to explain the inexplicable are those who experience it themselves!

The interesting aspect of working in a bar in Spain, is the people you meet, on a daily basis. Gran Alacant has a core resident population, a good proportion of which are British; we do however have a large transient populous who come and go; seasonal workers, holiday makers and second home owners. All of which make for an interesting place to live. 

Even in  November, we have our fair share of tourists through the door of LoungeD, all of them happy to chat and pass the time of day. Meeting people is always a pleasure; I am interested in the stories they tell, the lives they lead and of course the news from back home in Britain. I still class the UK as my home, even though I no longer live there, not because I miss it, but because that is where my roots are. In time as I establish myself in Spain, I am sure that  will change.

The news from home isn't great at the moment; everyone I have spoken to recently appears downbeat. When I left the UK in January 2016, I had concerns about moving to Spain, a country of high unemployment and lower wages. Today, I am happy to be here rather than there. Despite the problems in Spain, politically or otherwise, those I know, Expats and Spanish, are positive about the future, looking forwards, rather that backwards.

LoungeD has been open for nearly four months now. when you look at our 'Familiar Faces' photo album on the facebook web page, you will see hundreds of people, enjoying themselves in the Spanish sun, getting away from the problems in the UK for a week or two. Talk always turns to Britain's future and everyone has a view, some more vocal than others. People are fed up with the endless hours of talking  and no tangible results to show. A common theme is 'Britain backed into a corner' and 'Europe is punishing the UK, for daring to vote out of the EU.' These statements may or may not be true, we are not privy to the real bona fide facts; governments on both sides of the channel only tell the rest of us, what they want us to hear; the reality is, we know no more now than we did  a year ago. There seems to be plenty of chatter, not all of it accurate or helpful and very little doing; the frustration everyone feels is understandable!

I rarely watch the British news these days. I find the BBC biased, detracting attention from the real issues, patronising and politically ignorant. Instead I speak to the tourists and people with views that matter, those who really understand the mess Britain is in. Writing my column 'Chatter' for the 'Gran Alacant Advertiser,' has brought me in contact with many wonderful characters, all of whom have a voice and want it to be heard. I include many comments from those who live in GA, because they are important; more so than the BBC. Friends, neighbours and those just passing through Gran Alacant are always a joy to talk with, without their words of wisdom and thoughts on the times we live in, my job as a columnist would be that much harder; opinions, whether I agree with them or not are essential. I have changed my views many times, just by listening to others. As an Expat, living in Gran Alacant, I am part of a community, more diverse than any I have lived in before, we are a melting pot of beliefs, ideas and conviction, so much so, we are all willing and able to speak our minds. Expats are a strong breed, have many concerns, yet less representation than our British counterparts. We need to be listened to during this Brexit debate, so far our plight is being ignored; this has to change. Our future is in question, more than the bureaucrats and politicians in Westminster or Brussels, without our contribution to the Spanish economy, places like Gran Alacant would not exist. Stay vocal, keep chatting, stand up for your rights and above all keep up the pressure on those who will shape all our lives and future direction!

I had me first day off in over two months on Wednesday, so spent the day with Nathan and Ash, relaxing and drinking in the sun; I haven't done that in a while. Natalee met us at Zest, introducing her to these two guys for the first time. Nathan had left my life, before Natalee came along, so they never met, despite living in the same city. It felt great to be surrounded by people I have known for many years, from Southampton, a city I will always call home, living in Spain or not. Chatting about the things we used to get up to, times, long since past and memories, still fresh in the mind, if a little hazy, was a fantastic tonic for me. I still miss home from time to time, staying in contact with people helps me deal with the homesickness. When old friends and companions come to visit, my spirits are lifted in the best way possible.  It's great to have Nathan here, just like it was yesterday!