Charlatan or Confidant - Part III

Reliving Events that brought us to spain.  'I will whistle blow on your behalf!'

In Charlatan or Confidant Part III, Darrell is suffering at the hands of bullies at work.  After speaking to higher authority, whistle blowing on some pretty disgusting behaviour, involving vulnerable adults, Darrell is subjected to abuse on a daily basis.  Instead of doing what any decent organisation should do, Oxfam turned their back, trying to fabricate allegations against Darrell.

Penny, continues to offer her full support, asking me to keep away from what is going on with my partner; allowing her to help and speak on his behalf.  It all sounds like pretty reasonable behaviour, on Penny's behalf, doesn't it, but what one views on the surface, isn't necessarily what is going on behind the scenes.

As time goes on, you will see the true motivation behind the conversations, with a person, who outwardly was a friend, but ultimately worked and protected the charity I used to work for.  You will of course come to your  own conclusions!

​'I will whistle blow on your behalf!'
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Penny's words are in light green script, mine are in dark blue!  These are online messages, sent in real time, so the grammar, punctuation, will not be perfect!

11 May 2015

Its been so emotional today. I have cried so much. I have had to make my life so public, just because of what others have done to me. No dignity left, but yes, the truth is important! x​

My dear sweet friend, it is a grieving process. It's about letting go; of lies, pain, dishonesty, and deceit. People have harmed you so deeply in the past, it really has been a deep seated emotional scar you've hidden for so many years. You have such a higher level of dignity, far greater than you could ever of imagined, from those that truly care for you. Once you have written all that needs to be written, you will feel such an amazing sense of calm, love and sincerity. Be strong, this emotion that you are feeling now will pass. You will reflect and feel such a sense of achieve from this. xxx

14 May 2015

Sending you lots of love and massive hugs for today. xxxxx

28/05/2015 

I haven't popped up or spoken to you in a while.. But having just read your latest blog; what can I say??? Oh my goodness!!! I am so proud of you Luke. Look how far you have come; in such a short while. Thank you for "trusting" me, when I passed on your message. You could of dismissed as some sort of "fruit cake" but you didn't. Thankfully you understood what was being said and maybe not at the time; but I know now, you fully understood the "truth" aspect of what was being said too you. Love and light to you my dear friend xxx

13/06/2015 

Hi Penny...I am not sure what to do. Darrell is in tears nearly every day. It seems he is being bullied, but no one is listening. He feels he has no where to go. Head Office has said he should be sacked and he can't go there. Veronica will not listen. He has no where to go. What the fuck is supposed to happen? Sorry just do not know what to do! X​

Don't apologise! I have spoken to him, and suggested contacting his union; failing that the other alternative is to "whistle blow" V is treading a very thin line suggesting head office has told her to dismiss 3 members of staff. We both know that's not the correct practice for her to undertake. Is he ok now? I've spoken to him this morning; he appeared a little better afterwards? Just re-iterate to him; he's not responsible for his managers failings. I'm always on the other end of the phone etc.. If either of you need me. Xx​

I'm on Karl's anti- bullying policy now x
Can either of you get onto Karl from home? If you can go into the anti-bullying procedure. V needs to get her arse in gear. Darrell needs to lodge a formal bullying complaint xx​

Not sure what D will do. It can't go on. He is getting lower and lower each day and I am worried for him. I don't want him flying off the handle. Why weren't these problems sorted at the beginning. He is worried about the being sacked thing and feels backed into a corner. That shop has always had a bully culture. It surprises me more people haven't complained about H. I have in the past and it gets no where. Very sticky situation. Not the Oxfam I used to know. X
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No oxfam has changed; for the worse i fear! But then I think alot of that is down to V. If it gets any worse for D; may I ask you inform me please? I will whistle blow on his behalf! But I will need factual info etc.. There's no way I intend to sit back and allow him to feel like this; it's not right! The main issue is V's lack of skills; people management skills! There was never this issue with R or E. Yes both had their faults, but always were there for their team. Sadly I think that she lacks x
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I will let u know. He has never had to deal with this before. Something needs to be done. He looks so drawn and ill. D is a good person and he has been treated so badly. He cries every day. He is getting no support and atm I just see him getting to the point of no return. He tried to protect someone and is now suffering also. I am strong enough to deal with my stuff now, he is not. This has gone on too long. He told me how much he loved his job but is being forced to leave. I have told him to get out. He is so unhappy and I am fearful. What a mess. With the threat of dismissal he feels he has no one to turn too. Terribly sad...x

Right step dissociate yourself from D. Look at this through a bystanders perspective would you view this as sexual harassment; due to him being gay? Would you view the "bullying" as deep seated? Would you say his manager; is unable to address this, purely as he is gay? Would this be different if it was a "woman" It's hard for both of you at the moment; you can not deal with this; you have your own needs to address! There's no shame in that either! X I will support D as much as he allows me too. I won't allow this too continue for much longer! Yes D is a fabulous individual; but that's not what is under question here. V's inability to manage her staff is what is under question. No more no less! xx​

What I ask of you; is to give factual information and details times dates etc... I will compose a formal complaint/ or whistle blow, this! I have no intention of letting D suffer any further! He is far to kind, sincere, genuine individual to suffer this treatment! x

As for you my friend! Well this is too much for you to contend with! You have been so poorly; you should not have to deal with this alone. Pass it over to me please? I ask you focus on your needs; no-one else's; merely your own xx
And before anyone suggests you're being selfish! No you're merely recognising your needs! How can you be of any help to anyone if your are unable to help/understand what you need x​

All I know is D is being bullied. I have seen him like this once before and he was going through hell then. There is no shame in admitting it as he has done. The trouble is evidence. D hates confrontation and he breaks down at the first sign of it. Because of Head Offices dismissal recommendation he feels he has no where to go. Do they not understand that if u r being bullied you will react in this way. I know he just needs support. He now feels ashamed of himself and who he is because of certain remarks but he has no proof. I thought about whistle blowing myself. I just can't watch him disintegrate. This is the first time he has mentioned bullying because he was fearful of others reactions and not being believed...x​

Dates comments etc.. Is all I need! We both know that head office; do not suggest "sacking" the lot of them! X
I downloaded and emailed him the anti bullying policy earlier has he read it yet? X​
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If you are agreeable, your help is greatly needed right now. I am trying to help but my situation prevents it atm. Will send dates etc tomorrow. He has sent you details of past week. X

Thank you! It's a hard one; I feel so deeply for both of you. For different reasons I add, D knows me; I'd fight his corner regardless! He knows that. As for yourself; I can see beyond all your your meant! You have such a kind sincere heart; I couldn't/wouldn't turn my back on you. Honestly please please please don't fear! I will step in now; I've asked D on numerous occasions, but am mindful he's a newish manager in situ, if he needed help. I didn't/ wouldn't want to undermine him at all. So hence my hesitation on acting on his behalf. But enough is enough! He is a brilliant manager; the fault does not lay with him. It lays with our area manager! xx

Pps! I will now add; my best friend is very high up in unison! I have spoken to him regarding both of your plights! Needless to say; V is in far to deep to recover from this! X

Your your? Blooming phone! I can see beyond all of your illness! In short..... All that party animal, glitz glamour etc... Underneath all of it; I see the real you! Kind, broken, sincere, loving, gentile individual that you hide! X

Thank you for that. I do like people and want to give everyone a chance in life. Something I was not given. I feel for D as he has worked damn hard with no holidays etc. He always wants to do the right thing. He needs help right now and no one is giving it to him. It is disgraceful what is going on...x

Stop right there! It's ME! You forget I know! I read you and him and well just about everyone i meet! Downside yes; but an amazing upside also! You never need to explain yourself to me; I see it. I know all about where you've been, where you're at and where you're going! xxx D needs both of us now; you need to be you, and inject that little bit of craziness into his life. I've got his back; so between both of us he will be just fine. It's hard today; not as hard as yesterday and tomorrow will be easier. I promise you;(not a statement I make lightly) I will take care of him. In return I ask you look after yourself and ensure you continue to make him smile/twinkle/ and frown with your crazy ways! Xx
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I'll do my best Penny. I am so much stronger now than before. I have certainly needed this time. D just needs help with words. He has never been good at expressing himself. One of the reasons he feels belittled by H. As a manager, I would have sorted this out from day one. He says he feels used and left to fend for himself. He just wants rid of the discrimination, racism and sexual inuendo. I'm sure I don't know everything, but he finds it difficult to speak of what has happened. Going into work everyday and hating it is awful. He does not have anyone to back him up and really it is his word against everyone elses, this is the real problem. H and S are good at twisting stuff. He is not used to that. He is maybe too honest and that is the worry. I wish he had spoken up earlier, but really, who would have listened. It is shameful this happens at Oxfam and people are getting away with it. When u are up against a large organisation, you can feel powerless. D is a grafter and has kept that shop open against all the odds and now he is treated like the person in the wrong. There seems to be a culture of bullying in this region and it has never been addressed, that is a hard thing to say. This never used to happen, why now? Is it me and D being singled out here, or are there others. It beggars belief! x

No it's our area manager' no more no less! Sadly I have too say she isn't the person that should be representing this organisation. I know D is honest; I see it. This will resolve itself please try not to worry. Please focus on getting yourself well. D will be fine: he honest and truthful! This will all come to an end; not right now, but soon xx

I am really well now tbh. Felt a bit groggy on the new meds for a bit, but they seem to be doing their job and I'm feeling better and better. I have told V I am more or less ready to return to work, but what the hell will I be walking back into. Things have changed dramatically, just in the last two months. I have been thinking of dropping anything with R, so I can fully support D. I can handle him now anyway. I don't want his head on a platter anyway. There are far more serious things going on with D. I had no idea of the extent, so I am a little shell shocked by it all. It made me feel quite, well really down today, which isn't good on new meds, but I'm knocking myself out of it. D just needs to think, what he wants out of all this. Bullying is a very sensitive thing. The pills I take remove my empathy to a large extent, as well as make me forget things. I don't like that, but I have to live with it. It's why I hate being heavily medicated. D is a shell of his former self atm, since he was told of Head Offices recommendations. He is finding it hard to deal with. He is in fear of making the wrong move every day. He is anxious and a nervous wreck. Head Office should be is next port of call, but after the threat of dismissal, that is out of the question. He cried earlier over it and said how trapped he felt. I have never seen him like that and it scares me. He tried to do the right thing only to be the subject of an investigation himself. I have dealt with disciplinaries myself in the past but I have not come across this kind of behaviour. Sorry to off load all this, but I am getting things across in a way, I know D finds hard. I fear ultimately, he will not be working for Oxfam for much longer, whatever happens. He cried about that too. It was a job he loved and gave him self worth. He gave 110 percent for nothing. It is hard for me biting my tongue atm, as I always tell it how it is, but I am holding off for both our sakes. This is just far too messy and I don't like it. I have never dealt with this and just wish it would go away. It goes against everything I believe and Oxfam stands for. Both our Worlds have been turned up side down. Totally deflated and disempowered, not good. Much love to you for helping, you didn't have to. So much respect for everything you are doing. I spoke to another Manager during the week, who is upset and going over V's head now. She feels victimised and totally upset. Everything is just horrible. Not used to any of it. Very upsetting! Thank you, much love Luke x

It's always great to have a good friend around, when you are going through tough times at work, but was it right to believe in and trust a colleague, who had other motives, to do what she did?

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