Wherever I lay my hat!

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So here it is, the beginning of December 2016; nearly  a year since I moved to the sunny Costa Blanca, it’s a bit chilly outside and the wifi has gone down; no television, no internet, no communication with the outside Word. I am at least able to sit and write in my little house in Gran Alacant; an urbanization, on the mediterranean coast, near Alicante. Life in Spain is very different to what I am used to. If I had to compare, where I live now, to anywhere I have lived in the past, it has similarities to my home town of Fareham, on the South coast of England. Of course, Fareham doesn’t have the beautiful unspoilt beaches, fantastic climate or Spanish lifestyle, but it is a similar size to the suburbs of this market town. It also has a very similar vibe about it. Everyone knows everyone else; the community is close knit and people pass the time of day; friendly, comforting and homely.

I always said to myself, when I left Fareham, I would never return to live there again. I found it extremely hard growing up in the place, during the 70s and 80s. It was a very conservative place, with traditional values. My family had lived near this town for generations and it is fare to say, they were relatively well known in the area. I found that level of closeness a little disconcerting myself. Maybe due to my sexuality or possibly my outlook on life, I just wanted my anonymity. Moving to a city, even a small one like Southampton would help me achieve at least part of what I was looking for.

To be honest, I am a city dweller. I love living in a vibrant, open and tolerant space. Fareham was extremely backward looking and certainly not accepting of me, as a gay man, at least at that time. I haven’t been back there in many, many years, so have no idea what the place is like now. I do have a gay cousin, who still lives in my childhood home, married and seemingly happy, so I can only assume it has changed. I always believed I was born, just a little bit too early and was unable to embrace that gay person I was born to be. Today, I am sure, I would be very happy living, where my parents still live, but City life was my destiny.

I lived in Southampton, on and off, for over 20 years. For the most part, I enjoyed my time here. This was the place where I fully came out as gay, attended University, started and ended my career and met many different people, who I call friends today. For me city life was never lonely, as it is for many people. Ever since I lived in the city, I had been lucky enough to be in a relationship, so was always able to enjoy my years here with the partner I loved.

A city also has so many advantages over residing elsewhere. I loved going to the theatre, clubs, bars and enjoyed all the amenities at my disposal. City life agreed with me in every respect and up until recently, I never saw myself living anywhere but. I had contemplated moving in the past. We did spend time living in a small village in Wiltshire, an even smaller village in Barnoldswick, as well as adjusting to life in Australia, but I always, always ended up back living in Southampton. It felt like home, more than anywhere I had laid my hat, it had given me much, taken  away equally and taught me a great deal about life, people, myself and my sexuality. It was my home and I really didn’t want to leave it!

How times have changed; circumstances are very different today. I have traded in my southern city life in Britain for suburban beach life on the Costa Blanca. Life couldn’t be more different. If it had not been for my situation then, I would not be living in Spain today. Although the reasons for leaving the UK are horrendous, by any shape of the imagination, the people involved should be thanked for making me sit up and realise my own destiny. If it had not been for their criminality, I would not be sat writing this today, I would still be working for an organisation that deserves to play no part in anyone’s life

Myself and Darrell had always wanted to live abroad, we just had no idea where. We had spent a lot of time in Italy as well as Croatia, and I always believed we would end up living in one of these beautiful countries. Instead I ended up living in Spain, a country I had only visited once before, in a large expat community, that in many respects is more British than Britain. About a year before we moved here, we had discussed the possibility of moving to Spain, but with our life fairly secure, so we thought and so much baggage, collected over many years, we never acted upon our dreams. I suppose as individuals, we all have similar thoughts and desires, but people, especially at my age, are career focused and fulfilling ambitions.  Moving abroad can feel a very long way off, taking a back seat, until the time is right, to make that leap!

I believe we made the correct decision. Most people we knew felt we were making a huge mistake. They expressed their fears for all the right reasons, with good intentions. They were partly right. There are so many downsides to living here. Lack of money and work being just two negatives that I have to fight to overcome. Despite the reservations and extreme difficulty I am happier now than I have ever been. During the time I have lived in Spain, I have grown as a person, totally. I am following dreams, that I have always wanted to follow. I am writing for a magazine, teaching in a school and blogging professionally. It sounds wonderful doesn’t it; me happy and content; well, not completely. I have very little income, my partner is living 14000 miles away and life is hard, harder than I have ever experienced. The difficulties, have however shown me different ways of surviving and allowed me to focus on frugality and the basics of life; no frills, no luxuries and thankfully, no sociopaths.

So what of Gran Alacant?

Well, this is the place I now call home. I do actually love it for all its faults. At this time of year, it is extremely quiet. Currently, it is probably the quietest place I have ever lived in, but after the summer season it is a welcome break. The biggest problem for me, if you can call it a problem, is the lack of amenities. As a Brit abroad, I do miss my comforts of home; the theatre, international restaurants and access to cultural events. Global influences are few and far between in GA. Apart from the British expats and a few Norwegian establishments, there is very little else to make you feel a part of the big wide world. That can feel quite isolating at times; I like to experience different things. Don’t get me wrong, I love Spanish culture, but they are very Spanishcentric and very little else is on offer to the more travelled, enlightened person, living in GA.

As I get older I find myself enjoying city living, less and less. I like to visit different places of interest, but as a somewhere to live, I find Gran Alacant, much more agreeable. I am enjoying the relative peace, after years of drama and stress and it is great to walk out of ones front door and be confronted by the most beautiful scenery. I am not saying, I will not end up back in a city, even Southampton, but at this time in my life, this is just what I need and am finally living life, the way I want to, achieving my goals, set by me. That can’t be bad, after what myself and Darrell have been through!

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