Where the heart is....

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It has been a strange few weeks here for myself and Darrell in Spain.  Today I have done a lot of soul searching and thinking.  This is the inbetween bit, the period between calm and madness, just before the tourists arrive in droves for the summer season.  By all accounts it has happened later this year, so we wait, just a little bit longer and see where this rollercoaster ride takes us.  I have never experienced seasonal work, so really have no idea what to expect, but from what I am told, it will get busy beyond belief.

Mine and Darrell's circumstances changed, like a bolt from the blue.  Another difficult time to go through, that will ultimately change our plans for the future.  Leaving The UK, was the biggest challenge of my life.  It was so hard having to leave family and friends behind, but necessary after the experiences we went through, that could never be healed, whilst living in a place, so full of nightmares.  Spain was indeed our saving grace, it has given us time to breath again, take stock and finally learn to love us and the people who are now a large part of our life,  When we left Britain, there wasn't much love left.  Horrific experiences, tend to turn one's heart cold and one becomes dead to the World around.  Spain has shown us that there is a World out there, far removed from what came before.  The welcoming nature of the expat community, the genuine help and support given freely, without any expectations and the cheerful, almost joyous disposition of those who we consider close has almost erased the past, we so need to forget.  A community, acting as a community should successfully, is amazing to see first hand.  Sometimes I just sit quietly, not quite believing how lucky I am, to have ended up here.  I never knew this place or even imagined what it was, that made it tick, but today, I am fully aware of what these people mean to me.  They have meant acceptance and a sense of belonging, after a year of detachment and isolation!

It has been a few weeks of up's and down's.  Realising what some people are really like has been difficult, but dealt with swiftly, so as not to prolong any difficulties and angst. I for one have learned many lessons , even in the last few days and will probably continue to grow more and more as time goes on.  Sometimes you know someone in a different place and time, that wasn't really real.  A strong sense of reality is born of experience.  When you eventually wake up and see the remains of the past you left behind, although hard, the realisation that what you see before you is horrific, is yet another reason to keep battling on, all the time removing the stumbling blocks to success and determination.

Homesickness has been a problem for someone we live with and is close to us, like a son.  When you are young, leaving home for the first time, it is hard, very hard.  He knows that one day we will return to Australia and he will go back to the UK and the bonds we have will cease to exist, which is upsetting for all of us.  We all came from difficult circumstances and went through shared problems and pain together, so parting ways in the future will be hard, but it will happen.  We all have our paths to follow, which are very different.  Myself and Darrell's journey will never take us back to Britain,  The pain there is too raw for us, but of course for some it will.  I worry about him falling into the same old traps, but would hope his friends will help prevent that from happening, otherwise I fear for the future.  Nothing is set in stone and he is well loved here, works hard and could forge a good life, given the chances he never had at home and the break he needs to succeed.  I'm sure when the season ends, he will do what is right for him and we will of course support that!

Going back to Australia in November is an option we are considering for many reasons, most of them personal.  This path is littered with obstacles, due to the nature of our relationship.  Australia still hasn't recognised gay marriage, and as such, I would have to return to Australia, much as I did in 1995, as a second class citizen, only able to stay on a visa, renewed on a three monthly basis and costing thousands of dollars a time.  From what we believe, Australia will allow the public a vote on whether or not to recognise same sex marriage eventually.  I am really not sure that is the correct thing to do, but it is a promise the current Government made to the Church.  If gay marriage is finally recognised, it will solve many of our fears and make the process of emigrating for me much easier.  We have also considered Darrell living in Australia for a while, whilst I remain here, until the law's change and also keeping the status quo and both of us staying in Spain.  We at least have many options to digest!

Brexit is also a determining factor for our future.  We are well aware that our status in Spain could very well change in two years time.  The panic on The Costa's after the Leave vote is very real, though in my view an over reaction.  Expats have already put their homes on the market and there is a real sense of impending doom. These are not of course my views and I believe Spain has a lot to lose, by putting conditions or worse on our lives out here.  Quite simply they will not.  Despite this vote, we have to take Brexit into consideration, when deciding our own future.  The squares in Spain are full of rumour and chatter and it could change the nature of work out here.  If the tourists stop coming and the houses are sold, there would be very little future for anyone, especially in an area such as ours, so a move to Australia would be welcome. One must remember, all the time, that this is turmoil based on panic, so I hope people see sense.

For the moment, home is Spain, our future is not certain and we live each day as it comes.  We have only been here for six months, but it feels like a life time.  If you ever feel like living the Spanish dream, don't think twice, you will learn so much from your time here, most of it good.  Wherever we end up in the end, this place will always have a unique place in my heart, lets hope for the forseeable future!

​Peace and love, always!

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