Verruca On Romance!

2/8/2015

29 December 2017

I first started writing about Verruca Almond, in my fist blog Bipolarcoaster. Verruca was a parody of my then boss Vera Lynham; the woman responsible for bullying, harassment, homophobia, lies and attacks against myself, my partner and other good members of staff. I created Verruca as a tool to offload my frustration and anger at the time and it worked. I decided to resurrect her in 'Spanish Views,' because of popular demand. Readers of Bipolarcoaster wanted to know what happened to her and what kind of relationship, I have with her now. Back in 2015, I refused to mention my boss by name, for fear of retaliation; today it doesn't matter anymore. I have rebuilt my life, away from Vera and her sociopathic behaviour, keeping Verruca as a reminder of the woman who tried to destroy my life; a comic caricature that captures the very essence of who Vera really is!

This was the second parody, entitled 'Verruca on Romance,' initially written on 2 August 2015. Today on 29 December 2017, I am including it in my latest blog 'Spanish Views,' so readers can understand a little more of who this woman is and how she came to be!

I do shudder when I read these old blog entries. My writing then was very different to now, as I'm sure you will see, when reading this second delve into the life of Verruca Almond!

2 August 2015

'romance is for the weak!'

This Sunday, Verruca arrived a little later than usual; apparently she had locked herself out of her flat in the early hours. On Saturday night she had picked up a guy, who she had met on a dating site; It is important to always use ones own photographs on sites like that, beauty setting is acceptable, though, when you are as glamorous as she, it isn't necessary!

To be honest Verruca could throw on a bin bag, and still look a like a crisp £20.00 note. Disheveled and a little warn, she was oozing sexual prowess. There was something different about her; she was a bit Sassy, a little Minx like. Admittedly, she had forgotten her NHS tabard, so was wearing her normal clothes, but, there was something more than that. She was indeed my carer by day, but I had a feeling, by night, there was another side of Verruca, I knew nothing about!

As a Middle aged spinster, Verruca is a wealth of knowledge; she has been around a bit in her time. As a carer, she is NHS through and through; she knows how the system works and her twenty minutes of care, on each visit is invaluable to people like me, who's only link to the outside World is a laptop and copy of Take a Break.

Bed bath, medication and dinner made, Verruca and I sat down for our usual ten minute chat. Quickly talk moved on to the subject of romance; not sure why, I suppose the lack of uniform and her date the previous day, triggered thoughts of love, romance and relationships. As it turns out Verruca's opinion of matters of the heart, were a little different to I had imagined.

'I've never been romantic. Romance is for losers. Only the weak buy flowers'.

There, that told me!

Ms Almond was living life to the full; let down by man after man, she had become the author of her own destiny; Seen dancing the nights away in many of Southampton's, less than perfect nightclubs, dressed to impress. One night stands, a quickie here and there, bin sex and an imagination running wild!

As I looked at her, I felt sorry for the woman she had become. Why had Verruca turned into this bitter person? What had turned her against love? After all she had so much to offer and give others. So I asked her the question, I asked her why? What had turned her against the love of another?

It turns out that she had dedicated her life to her career. She spent a period, pretending to herself and others, that she had a partner, even going into local shops, buying underwear and other manly items. It sounded a bit 'Miss Havisham', to me. I had visions of her sat there in a torn, ripped up Wedding dress, crying gently into a garter given to her, by someone close no longer with us.

'I have a career, a mission in life, a goal to achieve. Long ago, I fixated on the finality of another; Someone weak; Much weaker that I and someone who was a threat to me. NOBODY gets the better of me now, I am the finest carer, the World has ever known. NO ONE will ever take that away!'

For a moment, just a moment, I thought I saw a tear well up in Miss Almonds eye. It was so brief, I could have been very much mistaken. Something had clearly happened to Verruca in the past and she had been terribly damaged from it.

Gently. I placed my hand upon hers, reassurance, everything would be OK. Quickly, without a thought, she took her hand away; her eyes were like fire. I literally thought she was going to kill me. Then in an instant, there was calm; a wry smile, pursed her lips!

'Don't ever touch me again; don't pretend to know me, you don't. I am the carer, you are the cared for; that is where it ends!'

Blimey, she was as mad as hell. A bit later I peeped around, the door, while she was making my Eggs Benedict, to my horror, I saw her spit on the food, throw her head back and laugh uncontrollably in silence. Her past was catching up with her and she was a melting pot of anger; in a strange way, it made me feel a little bit turned on. We were getting closer and closer and there was nothing I could do about it!

SHE WAS BLOODY MARVELLOUS, WHEN SHE WAS ANGRY. SHE SENT TINGLES UP MY SPINE!