The Ticking Clock!

It's no secret, how hard I have found living in Spain, over the last year. With little or no support, life here has been nothing like I had imagined. Over the course of twelve months, Darrell would have been away for nine of those months. That is a long time to be on your own, while your husband is away!

Today, the clock is ticking. Whether I stay here or not is dependent on a number of important factors. On the day Darrell started a new job in Britain, something that has been challenging to achieve, even in his home Country, Australia, even harder to secure in Spain, during it's economic woes; on this day I have been thinking about what really is best for myself and Darrell in the long term.  The instability in Spain and for me at least, the lonely existence I feel everyday are not reasons to stay here. I am finding this particular period of time very difficult to cope with; loneliness, no access to amenities, still playing a waiting game and constantly looking back, towards the friendships I once had in the UK, is a constant source of angst for me.

I am mindful, that both of us are not getting any younger and there is very little security in Spain for our future together. The United Kingdom has been good to myself and Darrell, if only, we bother to look past the last few years; we  both had good jobs and a decent life. Just because one incident caused an issue, albeit serious, in what essentially, was our home for 22 years, we should not use it as a reason to cut off all access to the only home we really knew and all it has to offer us. I personally see more of a future there, than I do here. With Brexit on the horizon, it may well be the lesser of two evils, to return home, for good, now, before Darrell's visa comes to an end in the UK and life becomes even more difficult than it is already.

Alternatively, it may be worth thinking about relocating to Australia, when Lily passes away, so we can begin our final chapter together there. I can not get past these feelings of confusion and mistake. We have made many mistakes over our life time together and I have a feeling that we are now, also making a big error, by staying in Spain, especially at this time.

Anyway, just a few thoughts about the future. I have done a lot of thinking over Easter and the last few days and am coming to conclusions, without other people making life more complicated than it is already. It may well be getting close to returning to what we know best and I will not stand in the way of that. Remember that little secret, that's all to common knowledge; well Spain no longer feels like the safe option, it did nearly a year and a half ago!

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