The most important things in my life!

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I've just been looking through some old photographs, while sorting through some paperwork.  It was nice to see them after such a long time.  These days you don't even get a tangible photograph, a piece of paper, an object, to file away, everything is digital; most of those photo's you take, never see the light of day again.  Seeing these pictures made me think about my life with Darrell and just what a rollercoaster ride it really has been.  I wanted to write about the most important things in my life today, in my blog entry.  The things that make me tick as a person, the things that hold memories and the things that I will never let go of!

Values & Beliefs

I have very strong beliefs and values, much more passionate than your average person.  I believe fervently in the afterlife, after suffering a near death experience a few years ago. Don't get me wrong, I am not religious, how could I be, after the life I have endured. I am an agnostic and believe there is something, after we die.  I just can't explain what.

I also have my own set of morals, that I adhere too. I believe in helping others, who have far less than me; even if I have very little myself, like now.  I am a firm believer in respect and I will always go out of my way to help others.

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I am also extremely political, having been bought up in a political household and environment.  I was bought up a Socialist, although I prefer, to call myself a Conservative now.  Over the years I have managed to form my own political views and not those of my father.  My views are as strong as any; voting most recently in the European Referendum, even though I was living in Spain.  Surprisingly, even though I live in Europe, I still voted to leave The EU.  I am anti Europe, not because I hate Europeans, but because I detest what Europe does, its waste, bureaucracy and the unnecessary tier of Government, that is not wanted or needed!

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Photographs

The fact that I have photographs, to remember the good and not so good times, is important to me.  In reality, so long as I have photographs, digital or otherwise, I don't actually need anything else.  The rest of what I have, the items I have around me, are not important. They are indeed, just things; disposable objects, that can all be replaced. Photographs can not be recovered. They document very special moments in our life and without them we would have no archives of events.  Memories do fade, but pictures help to jog those recollections, back to the forefront of our mind!

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Equality

I graduated from University in 1994. I decided to stay in Southampton, where I had studied.  My life at the time in the gay scene, was a whirlwind of parties and celebrating the fact I was gay.  With homosexuality still demonised, not on an equal footing with those who lead a so called normal life, myself and others like me, spent a long period of their youth, rebelling against a society, that still rejected us, for who we were.

Despite the partying, I still found time to campaign and fight for what I believed to be right.   I am a strong advocate of  Equality.  I have always championed equal rights as I still do, when I can.  As people, homosexuals are  not equal. we still have quite a way to go before we can finally say we are indistinguishable from hetrosexual relationships.

Disability discrimination is also something I fight against.  I have Bipolar and although I don't class this as an impairment, I have seen many disabled people bullied and targeted for their affliction or illness, most recently, of course, through Oxfam, the charity, I used to work for.  Their misdeeds make me even more determined to continue fighting for the rights of minority groups!
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It is important to me, that we keep fighting for our rights.  

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Friends

With the absence of family in my life. friends are the most important people around me. I have many friends from Britain and have made many more in Spain.  Some friends do take on the role of family and that is important. Jamie for example is like a son.  We actually argue rarely; probably because we are so much alike, but he is my family out here.  Blood is never thicker than water; with a few exceptions, my family have never been there for me, friends have.

I am a firm believer in loyalty.  I hold friends in high regard and will do all I can to help them.  A few of the special ones, do of course reciprocate, but to be honest, they are rare.  Good friends, those you can trust are very difficult to come by.  Many of those I regarded as friends were nothing but, but as a person, I still have faith, that there are good people out there.  Treat others, as you would want to be treated yourself, Always, without exception!

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Happiness

Most people are aware of the trauma that myself and my partner went through, over the last few years. They were tough, emotional but life giving times.  The experiences we had, made us so much stronger as people.  It also made us realise, just what was important in life.  What I had before my relapse, although tangibly more, was not what I needed or wanted.  None of the things I had around me, made me happy.  Ultimately, the job I loved, actually made me deeply unhappy and the people who surrounded me, were nothing more than takers and users. The objects and people I thought made my life more joyous, did nothing but!

It is important to be happy, now; to do exactly what I want to do, not what others demand.  I am now the controller of my own destiny.  There are no strings being pulled by dishonest people.  I have made my own happiness and it isn't forced or false. Staying happy, is now the key to success.  Not money, just an ability to remain exultant and convivial, cheerful and focused!

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My Cats

Bringing my cats with me to Gran Alacant was a must.  When we made the decision to come to Spain, we didn't have a second thought about bringing them along.  Our cats are our babies and one does not just give them up, at the first sign of trouble. 

We have had Precious since she was a kitten, in 2004 and Lily we got as a rescue cat. in 2007.  Lily is very timid, after she spent her whole life as a breeding cat in a cage, when she came to us, she had just had a cesarian section and we had to pay for a hernia operation, resulting from the c section.  I would never be without my cats, they are my life.  I can't abide any cruelty to animals and believe, all animal lives matter!

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Writing

The ability to be able to write my thoughts down on paper and express who I am, is the one thing that keeps me going, while Darrell is away in Australia. I have always had to do something. I can't just sit down and do nothing, so writing works extremely well for me.

It is also important for me, that others actually see what I write.  I want the words I type to be read and understood by those who need to understand the prose.  I have very strong views on many subjects and my words just reinforce them. Not everyone agrees with what I write;  that is not important; what is important is that my writing stimulates debate

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Mollie

Mollie, is the only tangible object I have, that remains important to me. Coming from someone who used to have so much stuff, that is a big statement to make! Things really do not matter to me anymore, all they do is tie one down and prevent one from experiencing things, that only a few people get to see.  

Mollie takes me back to happier times. I was, as one would expect, a big fan of Are You Being Served.  It offered escapism, at a time, when I was coming to terms with my sexuality. For the most part I wrestled with my homosexuality alone, sat with my thoughts, with just the flicker of the television set, to take my mind away from my own problems.  Mollie helped me escape, to an altogether better world!

When Mollie Sugden aka, Mrs Slocombe died, I decided to get a painting of her commissioned.  I wanted a tangible memory of her and what she meant to me as a child.  It is one of the only important objects I bought with me and one that will always remain by my side, no matter where I am.

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My Husband

Of course Darrell is the MOST important thing in my life.  We have been together for 21 years.  We have endured much, seen plenty and experienced more, far over and above what most people encounter in their lives.  This forbearance made us who we are, together.  Without the many obstacles and barriers throughout our life, we would have probably not stayed together.  The harder the fight, the harder it is to part ways.

Despite Darrell being 14000 miles away in Australia, he will always remain without a doubt, the most important person in my life.  He is there for us as well as his Mother; that makes him truly honorable.  Whenever life has got difficult for us, that fact that we are still together, always gets us through, love does!

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