The Distance Between Us!

Ten thousand miles...It's a bloody long way isn't it? Well that's how many miles there is between Darrell and I and some days I feel the distance more than others. When you actually meet the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, you never really think about the consequences. The decision to build a life with your partner is an emotional one. I never believed we would ever be separated for any length of time, after all love conquers all right? Well love is indeed the biggest factor as to why we stay with someone. Despite the arguments and difficulties we have had over twenty four years, we have always battled through, because our affection for each other is stronger than any petty squabble.

Conducting a relationship from different sides of the World is of course difficult, but in this modern age it really isn't as hard as one might imagine. Technology has allowed us to stay in contact as much as we like and if anything goes wrong, each of us are only a phone call away. There are times when I would like to be with Darrell in Australia but we are both realistic about just what we need to achieve during this testing time. We are far luckier than most, having family and friends to support us during this period of uncertainty and thankfully we were able to be with our respective families, unlike most whose lives wouldn't have sanctioned such a move.

I was recently asked how I coped with the pressures on my shoulders, without my husband to share them with and for a while I was stumped as to how to reply. In my view, we just cope and carry on, it's built into our psyche as human beings. I can't just give up and hide away until all of this stress is over, I have to continue living.

I was never really a person who coped well under pressure, in fact I would bury my head and let others deal with the tension that swelled around me. Friends and family were far more able to deal with the things I couldn't countenance and for years I offloaded my responsibility on to those far wiser than I. As a consequence, I never really got to grips with real life. There was always someone to pay the bills, sign the contracts and take a lead, so I didn't have too.

Today I have to cope alone, without the support of the person I love, but I do have a number of mechanisms I use to help me get through, different activities to take my mind off my current circumstances - I am doing one of them right now, blogging, writing down how I feel for a wider audience to read and this is the one undertaking that I value above everything else.

Blogging was a life saver in 2015 when I started to write down my deepest and sometimes darkest feelings and it is a great source of comfort now. Expressing thoughts that I would otherwise keep bottled up inside, is a healthy and satisfying way to get through the long lonely days. I often look back at the entries I have written, to see just how far I have come in the four years since I started blogging and I am astounded at where I am today.

I also enjoy reading, researching my family history, which I have been doing for over twenty years and spending time with those closest. In reality I have an extremely busy lifestyle and find little time to do anything else. Working is my life these days and fills the majority of my day. I literally do not have time to worry and think about just how unfortunate my circumstances are. Dwelling on what could or should have been is not an option today, making something of what is left and picking up the pieces is all that matters!

Despite Darrell living in Australia and me residing in the UK, in complete contrast to where we were four years ago, my life has changed for the better. I have close family bonds, jobs I love and more friends than I could ever ask for. Those ten thousand miles have really pushed me to my limits and given me a sense of independence I could have only dreamed about in the past. Our forced separation has made me stand on my own two feet and contemplate things I would never have done in the past. I have grown more in the last seven months, than I have done in the last ten years and that is a good thing.

The emotions that were responsible for Darrell and I establishing our commitment for each other in the first place, has taken a back seat for a while. I have been able to to challenge my energy into making my way in the World and rekindling my life back in the UK. When Darrell eventually returns to Portsmouth or we both decide to move to pastures new, I will be a much stronger, durable and resilient individual, able to confront the struggles of life far more effectively. Using this time apart wisely has been important and despite my insecurities and anxiety, I am at last able to look forward to the future with positivity and confidence, understanding this current journey will end one day.

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