Stress, Worry and Anxiety!

It's no secret that I have had a few health issues lately; nothing serious, just typical middle aged niggles that we all get. After having a full MOT with Salvum Clinic, it was clear that one of my pressing concerns was high blood pressure. This isn't really unusual; I would have been surprised if I didn't have hypertension; after all I am overweight and approaching my 47th Birthday. I am not in the best shape physically, tend to eat what I want and don't lead a particularly healthy life. All of these factors don't bode well for long term wellbeing.

After being prescribed blood pressure tablets and Statins, I hope my physical health will start to improve, especially now I am walking most days, have given up smoking and eat far healthier. Of course this isn't the end of the story. I suffer with anxiety and stress, more now than ever; two conditions that do not help my elevated blood pressure and something I need to overcome.

Lately my anxiety levels have been high; I don't need a Doctor to tell me that. I tend to stress about everything and anything, something I didn't do in the past. Since Oxfam has been back on my personal agenda, I have once again become a bit of a blithering wreck; old memories have resurfaced and past difficulties have  returned to haunt me. Once again I am having to revisit a traumatic period, three years ago. It seems that my current level of stress can be traced back to locked away memories and events that haven't until now, been dealt with. The only way I can break this cycle of restlessness and uncertainty, is by finally closing this chapter in my life, something I hope will happen very soon.

Coping with anxiety can be difficult; in the past I have relied on medication, to take the edge off the way I am feeling. Today, living in Spain, I don't really have that option; the truth is I don't want to take tablets for issues that can be overcome, through better lifestyle management. Keeping fit, walking more and facing ones fears is a great starting point. I have to accept I will always suffer with issues of 'mistrust and nervousness,' because of Oxfam, whether I pop a pill or not; there is no magic cure, or quick fix for what transpired.

Dealing with the root cause of my problems is important. I am well aware of what makes me tick, how I come to be sat here in Spain writing this entry and those responsible for my current state of mind; I just need to face my demons!

Since moving to Spain, I have had more anxiety than ever, mainly due to the nature of my relocation, the circumstances behind it and the processes involved in integrating into Spanish life. Despite this, I have coped very differently, compared to how I dealt with pressure in the past. In the UK, I would often lose control and rely on medication or alcohol to deal with the daily pressures of life, here I write, walk, cook or speak to those who can help. I no longer bottle up my feelings, finally learning to evaluate just what is going on, what has triggered my anxiety and how to deal with it NOW, not later.  During the past month I have been aware, that not all is well with myself, because of returning complications; I have sought necessary help accordingly; dealing with each impediment as it has arisen. Deep breaths, a detachment from the commotion swirling around me and a focus on positive thinking, has also been invaluable in steering me away from the superficial solutions, to arduous struggles.

I still suffer from stress daily, but am managing to avoid drastic measures, overreactions and ad hoc quick fixes. I may well still be a sufferer, but I am also a coper, survivor, fighter and someone who believes in himself! It has been a long time coming, but I have finally broken the cycle of strife that dominated my life for so long!

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