Reliance On Medication!

It's not until you forget to take your medication, that you realise just how much you rely on it. Yesterday, I forgot to take my blood pressure tablet and suffered as a result. Leaving the house at 9am, I wasn't returning to 11.30pm that night, so there was no chance of popping that pill even if I wanted too.

Generally I am pretty good at taking my meds first thing in the morning. I leave the packets by the side of my bed each night and am fastidious about popping the three capsules I take, at exactly the same time each day. My obsessive behaviour is based on experience. In the past I was prescribed various different pills because of depression and anxiety. I would take one to get up, one to get me through the day and a sleeping pill at night. It did seem for many years that my life was controlled artificially, which did nothing to improve my general sense of wellbeing. I often felt worse than I did before I was medicated; it wasn't something I was prepared to put up with and my outlook started to change dramatically. Throwing my medication in the bin and  going cold turkey was just the start of the new life I enjoy today!

I obviously wouldn't advise anyone stop taking their meds in one go like me, I am just lucky it worked out. I went through hell for quite a few weeks as my body readjusted to life without the crutch I had made for myself. I felt physically unwell, just like I did yesterday when I forgot to take my pill and instantly regretted my decision. Of course nothing lasts forever and it wasn't long before I felt fighting fit again; in fact I remember the day I finally adjusted to life without the medication.

I was walking down Southampton High Street, as I had done many times before, when suddenly all the 'sick' feelings just disappeared, it honestly felt like I was walking out of a physical haze of muddle and confusion. I remember stepping outside of this bubble and being able to breathe again; I felt energised and full of life.  I actually witnessed a foggy cloud disappearing behind me, leaving me free of restraint and fear. The change in myself was immediate, like I had been given a second chance; luckily it has lasted and I feel better today than I ever have.

As I have got older I have acquired different age related ailments along the way, many of which were masked by the antidepressants I used to take. Giving up these brought other issues to the surface. Without the antidepressants I could finally take charge of my life and assess when things were not right, seeking medical help when necessary. Antidepressants are great at making you forget but they do nothing to help you see the reality around you or the future at your feet!

Today I just take medication for elevated blood pressure and statins for high cholesterol, prescribed by a private clinic when I lived in Spain. My time living abroad was invaluable, it taught me much about myself, my shortcomings and limitations. It also encouraged me to reassess the  life I once led, kick starting my health concerns and prompting me to seek advice. I was going through a particularly bad time at work, with my health suffering almost on a daily basis and eventually went to get a complete MOT, just to see if there was anything wrong. The Doctor told me it was probably best that I leave the position I was in and walk away from the situation. My blood pressure was dangerously high and I began the process of leaving Gran Alacant for my own good; so far it has worked.

Today I am happier than I ever have been; my blood pressure and cholesterol are under control and I am living a much more productive life. The challenges I face now are different to those I encountered previously, but at least I am facing them head on without a bottle of pills. The World around us demands we connect to it purposefully, without clouded judgement and experience everything it has to offer. Free from a reliance on artificial stimulants, we need to cope with what it throws our way. Medication is there to get us through difficult times and should only be used as a last resort. I am stronger today because I had the strength to ditch the pills, I am moving forwards with positivity because I am free of the constraints that held me back, I am whole again because I took back control of my own destiny. Finally I am the person I wanted to be!

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