Homophobia!

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Homophobia is not funny or acceptable, neither is it warranted or deserved.  In the 21st century, in the year 2016, abuse towards gay people is still happening, is as painful as it always was and never, ever should be ignored by anyone. Do not turn your back and walk away.  Today I wanted to talk about my experiences growing up, at a time when homophobia was an acceptable part of British culture and was commonplace, in every corner of society.  I want others to understand, just what gay people go through every day of their lives, even today.  Homophobia may not be seen on the surface, but it still exists.  If you search a little bit further, you will see it, in its full glory. It is perpetrated in the minds of those a brief epoch apart, taught to their children, passed down through the generations, and used to cause maximum harm, to an already damaged group of people, yes even in 2016.

​Growing up gay is hard.  Whatever anyone says, nobody chooses to be a homosexual. It is the hardest option, the rockiest road and the most debilitating path you could possibly follow.  As everyone is aware of now, if you are queer, you are born that way.  It is a part of you, who you are and your future destiny. Once you discover you are gay, even at an early age like I was, at eleven, you start to notice the homophobic, abuse and bullying.  Almost overnight it feels like a torrent of situations, words and nightmares come flooding to the surface.  As one less sympathetic person once told me, 'You made your bed, now you have to lie in it'!  The bed was made for me.  This is the biggest misconception people have.  We do not choose this life, this life is thrust upon us.

I was trying to rack my brains, to think about the first time I experienced real homophobia, and no matter how much I don't want to write about it, I feel I have too, I am the 'Real Truth Blogger' after all.  I have mentioned the situation in the past, in another blog of mine and it doesn't get any easier to write about.  

I used to spend a lot of time with my maternal Grandparents.  I loved them very much! They were traditional, old fashioned and Conservative, in every sense of the word.  We used to spend Saturday afternoons at my Gran and Grandads, talking about every subject under the sun.  I am a bit of a  raconteur myself and always enjoyed the conversations.  I must have been about thirteen, although I am not really sure.  The only thing I was sure about, was that I knew I was gay.  Conversation turned to homosexual behaviour, on this sunny Saturday afternoon.  The comments made were terrible and left me in no doubt, as to what they thought of people like me.  Sadly from that day onwards, my relationship with Gran and Grandad changed.  I could never see them in the same cuddly light again, they were not the nice people I thought they were. I say that they weren't nice, but of course they were, they just didn't understand what it meant to be gay, have the same feelings I had and in reality, growing up in the 1980s was a very different time to now.  I don't blame them or hate them, I still love the people they were and miss them everyday.

​Homophobia was prevalent in school, especially when like me, you know what and who you are and make no effort to hide it.  I went through the education system, at a time when you could not speak to anyone about how you were feeling.  It was illegal for teachers and professionals to give advice that according to the Government of the time, could promote homosexuality.  What nonsense.  These were laws, made by people who didn't understand the nature of same sex relationships, and damaged a whole generation of young adults, growing up with a stigma, that was legislated for in Parliament.

I suppose, during my time at college and university, I was personally attacked, both physically and mentally, maybe a couple of dozen times.  This was a difficult period. Finally coming to terms with who you are and suffering great hardship because of it. You do have to learn to cope with, what life throws your way.  You switch off and become hardened to the realities of what is happening around you.  Homophobes push you to your limits and with very little support, due to your own unwillingness to admit what is going on, combined with others refusal and reluctance to listen, you tend to agonize in silence, accepting whatever anyone says and does to you.  You do feel violated, everyday of your life and at times it does make it difficult to carry on.  

In recent times, society, at least in The UK changed.  People became far more aware of gay people and with the introduction of Civil Partnerships and eventually Marriage, I felt we had gone as far as we could, as a nation to fully accept those who are gay.  Of course that isn't the end of the story. All over the World, homophobia is rife.  Middle Eastern Countries, still hang people for being gay.  The rise of ISIS has exacerbated the problem, with gay men thrown off the top of buildings, humiliated and abused daily.  In Russia, laws were introduced, similar to ours, I lived under, during the 1980s, which have caused a negative impact on the gay community,  Beatings, kidnapping and death are now common place.  Australia, yes even Australia's failure to recognise my Marriage to my partner, is causing us to live apart, at a time when we should be together restarting our life.  This is highly unlikely to change anytime soon. Has the World really changed. or has it all been just a smokescreen.

The last year in The UK, for us was full of homophobia.  The situation we went through, whilst working for a charity, was a terrible experience for both of us,  Although officially we were both bullied, the real reasons were probably to do with homophobic abuse. The charity found it very difficult to accept that such things went on in their workplace, but it did, it was riddled with a homophobic management structure, and did very little to prevent ongoing abuse. Just before I walked out, I had a conversation with another Manager, a colleague, who had also suffered like us, who actually told me that another Manager, who was gay, was also beginning to endure the spectre of ill-treatment.  It does seem odd, that another person, would be taken on, only to suffer as we did.  When I raised this question, with a help line, I was informed, that there was obviously a culture of abuse, where people were taken on, just to become the subject of torment from their line Manager.  So despite, the changing nature of Britain, moving forwards with modernity, there is still an inbuilt, hard core group of individuals, who are intent on causing maximum harm to a minority group, for no other reason, than self satisfaction, control and destruction.

​Moving to Gran Alacant, or Gay Alacant, which should give you a clue to the area we have moved too, was a decision we made by putting a pin in a map.  We had no idea what to expect.  On the surface, the area has a large, open, gay community, many of whom we have met, and all, without exception, have been welcoming.  This area does suffer from homophobia and I have experienced it myself, although in a very diluted form.  I am not going to put up with it any more and will certainly not go through long periods suffering at the hands of bigoted, inferior individuals, who have nothing better to do with their time, than discuss other people's lives.

Wherever I am, at the first sign of homophobia, I am outta there.  I am forty five years old and should not have to put up with such treatment.  I am content with my life, the decisions I am making today and will always defend myself and others from what can only be described as abhorrent, sick and disgusting behaviour!

Let me finally say this.  If you are suffering from abuse, homophobic or otherwise, you have to seek help.  Do not let these kinds of actions continue, in the hope they will go away, they will not!  Whether in the workplace, at home or at school, all degrading behaviour is wrong.  Never accept what is happening, as your fault.  This is a trick used by the perpetrator, to continue to abuse their victim.  Remember also, I have experience of many types of abuse, conducted against me, as well as helping others who have experienced ill-treatment, victimisation and violence, so if you need to, please contact me, using the 'contact' section of this blog and I will do what I can.  Do not suffer in silence!

Peace and love!

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