Frustration!

It's has been one of those frustrating weeks for me, seven days I would rather forget in all respects.  You know that old saying, 'you feel like you are banging your head against a brick wall', well that pretty much sums up how I am feeling. 

Spain itself can be particularly infuriating at times, as I have mentioned in the past. While the rest of the World moves on, Spain just seems to be stuck in this antiquated time warp, where nothing gets done.  Let me give you an example of what I mean, this isn't the reason I am writing this entry today, but it is part of it, it's things like this that grate on my nerves; not the end of the Universe I grant you!

Our local Cigarette shop, can no longer sell cigarettes.  They were only given a licence for the summer season, so the ending of summer, means the end of the licence.  Why can't Spain just cut the crap, and give them a licence to sell bloody cigarettes.  The illogical way this Country works, the reams of paperwork and the many different licences, for this that and the other, can be an endless source of frustration and angst; but I love Spain!

Things take longer to do here also.  I find myself having to go to three or four different shops, to buy food rather than the one supermarket in the UK.  My time is consumed by traveling from one shop to another.  I can also find myself waiting in a queue at the bank for up to two hours at a time; time I can't afford to lose!  YES I still love Spain!

So why so much frustration this week?  To be honest, I know I will probably upset many people, with what I have to say, but I will express my feelings on various different incidents that happened over the course of this week.

A friend died; a person who had been going through a hard time.  I had spoken to her recently and I know that the benefits system could have played its part, although I would never suggest that without proof.  The Government's programme of cuts has put vulnerable people at risk.  There are people who need to be protected by the state, many of whom have fallen through the safety net, put in place, since the late 1940s to safeguard those who need it.  There are of course many people who don't deserve to be in receipt of generous benefits; on this matter I can be pretty conservative as a rule, but I see mistakes, when I see them.  There does seem to be a lot of guilt around this death equally. People who probably haven't seen or heard of her for many years, offering to do what they can.  I don't blame them, because we all feel guilt at times like this.  It is frustrating that no one was really there for someone who needed it at the time, yet they seem to be now.  She could have done with the help long ago.  I am equally as guilty, for turning away when I should not have done.  Everyone needs to learn from what happened.

This week I have also given my last words of advice, to someone who really did need to listen to them.  I came to Spain to change my life; not to watch others go down paths of self destruction.  I believe now, this is what was happening; I can no longer afford to clear up the mess that others leave behind.  You know, you do meet many people in life, good and bad.  Even at 45 years old I am still learning to work people out.  I have to say I have some great teachers out here, who have shown me, just who are worth my time and who are not.  I have tried to direct others as a result also, without success.  That does sadden me, but, everyone has to take their own direction in life, otherwise, how would they learn.  Disappointment and frustration; an understatement!

In future I have personally decided, I will no longer, by choice, live with people who may pose a threat to my well being.  As someone who has suffered from  others in the past, I have to make a stand and protect myself as much as I can.  I am sick and tired of having to look out for other people and disregarding myself.  I have spent a lifetime giving, mostly more than I have, yet I receive nothing in return, ever!  I have never given away anything, to appropriate, myself, but I have a feeling that those who see an opportunity, swarm around me, like bees to honey.  It is time that stopped for good!

Not everyone is happy with my decision and think I should put up with whatever is thrown my way, for the sake of €uro's in my pocket.  I quite understand that this will affect how I live.  In Spain you can live very cheaply, but certainly not on 9€ a week, so I have to make changes myself, in order to survive.  However hard things are; they can never again, be allowed to get to the extreme levels of anxiety, depression and stress that I suffered in the past.  I have to put a stop to anything that could cause me harm. I have a future to think about, even if others do not!

​The fact jobs are very difficult to come by here, does make it very tough and burdensome at the moment.  Sadly there isn't a lot I can do about that one, short of shooting the entire Spanish Government and installing a new 'pro jobs' administration. It just means I have to be even more frugal than I am now, which could be troublesome.  I am doing all I can to be economical.  So for the time being, more belt tightening, even less spending and more doing the right thing, however difficult that is.

Frustration comes about through a situation we can't do anything about.  There has been an awful lot of that in Spain.  I'm sure there are those people that read my blog rubbing their hands with glee, thinking, I told you so.  Well yes there probably is; but then, I moved here because I had to, I had no choice.  This experience has been in the main, extremely positive for me.  I may be as poor as a church mouse, but that isn't the issue.  Spain has offered me opportunities, Britain never could.  Not only do I write a monthly column for a magazine, but I am also able to teach children.  I have met many wonderful, giving people, who have given me back my faith in human nature and I have learned to go back to basics, as everyone does in Spain; healthier, happier, content and accomplishing.

Frustration now, should turn to success later.  Each person I have spoken too, has pointed out that the first year you live in Spain, is the hardest.  Everyone here has a story to tell, having gone through their own periods of stagnation and adversity.  Many of course, have returned to the UK, others stick it out for longer and a few last the test of time.  I hope to be one of the few; hardship can only be good for the soul; I have no idea what will happen in the future, let's hope it's all good.  For now, I just carry on doing what I am doing! 

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