Roaming Brit
  • Blog
  • The Story Of Us
  • Other Blogs
    • Forever Enduring Cycles Blog 2015 >
      • Forever Enduring Cycles
      • Bipolarcoaster
      • Books For Sale
  • Gallery
  • Spain
    • First Month
    • Three Months
    • Six Months
    • One Year
    • 2 Year Anniversary
    • Spanish Views
    • Gran Alacant >
      • GA Advertiser
      • Gran Alacant News
      • LoungeD
      • No Wives Club
  • About
    • New Life
    • Wedding
    • 21 Years
    • Timeline
    • My Story
    • Australia 2016/17
  • Guest Bloggers
    • Penelope Wren
    • Debra Rufini
    • Claire Coe
    • Richard Guy
    • Optimistic Mummy
    • Julie Rawlinson
    • Letters Of Hope
  • Links
  • Contact
  • My Writing
    • Short Stories From My Youth
    • Verruca Almond
    • The Streets

From a new life in spain, to an old life in britain, 'roaming brit' documents uncertain times!

Picture

On 31st January 2016, my partner and I left Southampton to start a new life as Expats in Gran Alacant, on the Costa Blanca. This blog will document our journey, as we navigate the Spanish system, travelling a path untried and untested. With Brexit looming, political turmoil in Europe and an unpredictable future, harsh decisions have to be made. Illness, family bonds and a Change of heart all make for challenging times in a life of a 'Roaming Brit!'

Picture

Feelings!

26/7/2016

0 Comments

 
Picture
Picture

As an individual, I have always felt it difficult to show feelings, ever since I was a kid. As I got older, it became more and more challenging to express how I felt and to be honest, I really do not know why.  From my point of view, I have never felt an emotional bond with my family.  As a young child, I was always very distant and never felt as loved as other kids,  my own age.  Whether or not this was true, or just in my own head is immaterial, it is the way I felt, and that is partly or in whole the reason I am who I am today.

As I grew older, I found it more and more difficult to express my feelings and emotions.  My life has always been a challenge, even from a young age, following the up's and down's of bipolar and never really achieving a sense of normality, something I always craved.  Due to the rollercoaster ride that was my life, I found it extremely difficult keeping my own state of mind in check.  Many of the emotions I should have been experiencing, were just not happening.  In reality my brain had just shut them down.
 
During the worst periods, while I was suffering extreme highs, or lows, the ability to empathise with anyone else, except myself was impossible.  Bipolar can be extremely selfish at times and whilst experiencing its effects, one does become very inward looking.  My own feelings have always been a bit of an anathema to me, preferring if you like, to deal with the way others felt, helping them instead.

I am a good listener, and have spent a huge proportion of my time, listening to other people, explaining their problems, and asking me what they should do.  That always felt a bit strange, someone asking me for an opinion, when my own life had nothing but problems in it.  I always listened intently, except at those times, when bipolar ruled my thinking and by all accounts gave good advice, it was just not the advice I could take myself.  So whilst others managed to sort their way through their difficulties, mine only seemed to get worse.  Maybe I just spent too much time, dealing with other people's glitches and just not enough time on my own.

Meeting my husband changed the person I was, at least in the short term.  In the beginning, all my emotions just came to the fore, but as is with the story of my life it didn't last forever.  

I have come to the conclusion that Bipolar will affect the way my emotions are regulated, always.  I am fantastic at empathising with other people, noticing the way someone is feeling at any given point and being able to say exactly what others need me to say, to make them feel better.  People have said I am a very calming influence on them, stabilising difficult circumstances, having the strength of character to recognise what should be done, and not being afraid to tell them what to do.  In my own life, at least in the past, nothing could be further from the truth.  In reality, I prefer helping others, rather than helping myself.

I have spent a life time helping others.  I have been an advocate for those with no voice, helping young children through very difficult periods in their lives.  I have given others a free roof over their head, when they need it most.  Whilst they have been experiencing complicated, problematic times, my door has always been open and I have always been there to guide them through dark periods.  I whistle blew on some very dubious people, who were damaging some very vulnerable adults and I have always given money to those who need it, even if I do not have anything myself. My belief is, help others first and don't think about myself.  It was a great way to block out my own perplexities but the energy I used, just added to my own sense of self loathing and did nothing for my own wellbeing, contentment and prosperity!

of all those I have tried to help, over a lifetime, very few have been people in genuine need.  The majority of those I gave too, both physically and emotionally, were charlatans, only one or two ever stuck around in my life.  Whilst I was giving, believing and accepting, they were taking, lying and thieving.  That is the reality, I didn't deal with my own emotions, at the expense of individuals, who's only aim was to take and use me as much as they could.  

Moving to Spain has taught me much about myself and the nature of other people. The last person I tried to help, whilst living here, is most certainly going to be the last.  I will no longer help anyone at my own expense.  The only two people I truly care about is my husband and Jamie.  They are the important bonds in my life and they will both always have my full support.  I need to now, spend my time, doing the things that make me happy and not what other want me to do.  The journey I am now embarking on, over the next six months, in the short term, is my path, the one I will be walking alone. During this period, I need to grow as a person, re-engage with my own emotions, realise what and who are important in my life and stop letting others take advantage of me.  I will use my time now, to write, forge new friendships, help those who really need it, live a good life and become part of a community I love, for as long as I am here.

Spending six months apart from my partner, is not going to be easy.  We have never lived apart for long periods. I can use that time positively or not, that is entirely up to me.  I have realised that Gran Alacant is a great place to live, but it also has an underbelly of people who are particularly bad, just like any place you live in.  I do intent to use this time for good reasons.  I will spend the next six months for myself and find out who I finally want to be and what I eventually want to do.  I intend to look out for Jamie, create a stable home life, that he may or may not need at times, but make sure it is there when he needs it.  

Feelings and emotions are complicated things for me.  I haven't been able to understand mine for a lifetime, so spending the next six months coming to terms with the little messages in my head, is welcome.  Sometimes when you spend every day with someone, especially when you have been going through challenging times, you do become immune to what each other are thinking and suffering.  Six months is not a long time, my Grandfather would spend longer than that at sea, when in the merchant navy, other family members were in the Royal Navy and spent much longer apart from their partners, so for me, this is just a new chapter in my life.  One I will endure positively and a time I will use for reflection and moving forwards to a new and better future, whether in Spain or Australia!


0 Comments



Leave a Reply.

    Author

    48-year-old Author and professional blogger. Expat formerly living in Gran Alacant on the Costa Blanca! Currently, residing in my home town of Portsmouth on the south coast of England!

    Picture

      Contact Luke.

    Submit
    Picture
    Click me & email for more information!
    Picture
    Picture

    Categories

    All
    Asia-2019
    Australia
    Bettys-revenge
    Bipolar
    Bipolarcoaster
    Britain
    Bullying
    Business
    Cancer-research
    Cats
    Characters-i-have-known
    Charity
    Charlatan-or-confidant
    Christmas-thoughts
    Claybornes-world
    Coming-out-stories
    Cooking
    Coronavirus
    Current Affairs Politics
    Darrell In The Uk
    Dunbars
    Easy Horse Care
    Events
    Events That Shaped My World
    Family
    Fascinating-facts
    Gran-alacant
    Guestbloggers
    Guest-bloggers
    Ibs
    Immigration
    Information
    Inspirational People
    Interviews
    Japan And Thailand 2020
    Jersey-2019
    Lockdown-life-in-photos
    Lounge-d
    Luke-martin-jones-awards
    Memories-of-fareham
    Memories-of-home
    Memories-of-southampton
    Memories-of-spain
    Me-too-oxfam
    Milestones
    Moving
    My Life
    My Writing
    Non Touch Toast
    Oxfam Sociopathy
    Penelopewren
    Penelope-wren
    Photographs-of-hope
    Quotes
    Rabs-world
    Reviewing-gran-alacant
    Santa-pola
    Self-isolation
    Shopping
    Short-stories-from-my-youth
    Short-stories-from-my-youth
    Southampton
    Spiritual
    Teaching-jamie
    The-darkness
    The-streets
    The Two Of Us
    Travel
    Verruca-almond
    Visits From Friends
    War In Europe
    Weight Loss & Health
    Year-in-review-2017
    Year-in-review-2018
    Year-in-review-2019
    Year In Review 2020
    Year In Review 2021
    Zest

    Archives

    May 2022
    April 2022
    March 2022
    February 2022
    January 2022
    December 2021
    November 2021
    October 2021
    September 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    June 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    March 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    December 2020
    November 2020
    October 2020
    September 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015

    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Tweets by realtruthblog
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture


    Instagram
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    A place to call home
    Finally, a place we can call home.  A community of like minded individuals, who used to call Britain home.  Now Spain is our choice, an altogether gentler, happier, sunnier and safer experience!
            Luke Feb 16
    Picture
Picture

Telephone

+447999663360

Email

lukemartin.jones@gmail.com
  • Blog
  • The Story Of Us
  • Other Blogs
    • Forever Enduring Cycles Blog 2015 >
      • Forever Enduring Cycles
      • Bipolarcoaster
      • Books For Sale
  • Gallery
  • Spain
    • First Month
    • Three Months
    • Six Months
    • One Year
    • 2 Year Anniversary
    • Spanish Views
    • Gran Alacant >
      • GA Advertiser
      • Gran Alacant News
      • LoungeD
      • No Wives Club
  • About
    • New Life
    • Wedding
    • 21 Years
    • Timeline
    • My Story
    • Australia 2016/17
  • Guest Bloggers
    • Penelope Wren
    • Debra Rufini
    • Claire Coe
    • Richard Guy
    • Optimistic Mummy
    • Julie Rawlinson
    • Letters Of Hope
  • Links
  • Contact
  • My Writing
    • Short Stories From My Youth
    • Verruca Almond
    • The Streets