Coming Out Stories - A Mothers Perspective!

I am Samantha, mother to a 22-year-old daughter and 16-year-old son. I can still remember the day my daughter told me she was bi-sexual. She was sitting in her bedroom and I had a notification on my phone of a text from her. From what I could see of the text it said that she loved me and hoped I wouldn't hate her, but she had something to tell me. It then said to press to view more. My initial thought was oh shit she is pregnant at 19. I psyched myself up to read the rest.

The text was to tell me she was bi-sexual. She had even told me that bi-sexual meant she was attracted to males and females, as if I didn't know what it was. She went on to say she hoped I wouldn't hate her.

I put the phone down and walked straight up to her room where I found her sobbing her heart out on her bed. I just walked over to her and gave her a huge hug and said I don't care. All I care about is you are happy and healthy.

In all honesty I was completely shocked. I had no idea she fancied girls. She had always mentioned when she thought a guy was attractive. She was besotted with Zac Efron as a young teenager and had posters of him all over her bedroom wall. Furthermore, she never had a boyfriend and I just put that down to the fact she was quite shy. I guess like most parents, when their children are young, you envisage what their life might be like when they are grown. For me, I always imagined my daughter growing up, settling down with a man and having children of her own. Yes I assumed, but why wouldn't I?

There were no clues before she told me, although her dubious taste in music, (she is a massive Steps fan,) should have given the game away. I jest! I was convinced she had a crush on Philip Schofield as she constantly watched clips of This Morning. She told me after she came out it was Holly she liked.

Was I disappointed in my daughter? No, not at all. I was actually disappointed in myself that she had got so worked up and upset about telling me. I was upset that she would think for a second that I would disown or hate her. What could ever have made her think that?

I grew up in the 80s at a time when horrific scary adverts were all over the TV about AIDS. As a child of about 10 they terrified me. I remember the horror stories, that you could catch this disease by using a public toilet or water fountain a gay person had used. Nobody in my life was outwardly gay. Words like queer, poof, pansy or dyke were used all the time. They became part of my language.

I am not or have never been homophobic, but I am guilty of saying those words. I have never meant offence or harm by them and until my daughter came out, and we discussed this I could not see why anyone would be upset at this language. I can see now why she was so worried about telling me. I am having to learn a new language and oh it's certainly not easy. I still say the wrong thing at times and Eloise will say you can't say that mum.

I love my daughter with all of my heart. I am constantly proud of her. Since she came out her confidence has grown. She is living her life her way, and she is happy. She has a beautiful partner of 4 years, Caitlyn, who took a massively brave step and moved 630 miles to be with my daughter and I love her with all of my heart too, and I am so grateful for the joy she brings to Eloise. I am never going to be 100% politically correct, and I will make my daughter roll her eyes but one thing I hope she knows is that I would not change her for the world even though she is making me go to a steps concert in November.

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