Christmas 2019!

It has been a busy Christmas, far more than any other I can remember in many years. The best thing about being back home in the UK, is our love of the festive season. Christmas was never quite the same in Spain and it became a time of year I resented. Strangely, I have always liked Christmas, often putting up decorations in October. Spending time alone was  hard,   against  everything  I believed in, consequently I just wanted the day to   be  over. This  year  was  very

different, and I have been surrounded by family and friends.

On December the 11th, we were given a pre Christmas party at Tesco, where I work several days a week. I suppose this is when Christmas really started for me and I haven't stopped since. It does feel good to be a part of something at this time of year. In Spain I did feel rather alone and somewhat left out. It can be an unforgiving place and although the Expat community is made up of a fantastic bunch of characters, it can also be very closed to new comers, making life rather difficult!

I did manage to spend some time with Dad before Christmas, going out with him for a meal and exchanging gifts. This will be a particularly difficult time of year for him, being his first Christmas without Mum, but he is still coping remarkably well.

We chatted over lunch for a good hour or two and Dad seemed relaxed, talking about subjects that interested both of us, from politics to family. We also talked about issues we hadn't spoken about before, which did seem rather awkward at times, but Dad felt it important to lay a few ghosts to rest and at least we cleared the air. It would be yet another Christmas spent apart as a family, but we are becoming a little closer day by day!

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Both my Aunt and I were working on Christmas Eve and with my Aunt also working on Christmas Day, we opened our main presents to one another when we got home from work. I am lucky to be around my extended family for the next few days but my thoughts obviously turn to Darrell in Australia. My World isn't complete without him here and as I open my gifts I can't help remembering the occasions we spent together during better times. This will be the third Christmas we have spent apart and it doesn't get any easier. I am hoping next year will be very different, but for now we both continue doing what we have to!

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Christmas Day I went to my Cousin Rachel's. Together with my Aunty Sue, we spent a lovely afternoon eating, drinking and talking, just what all families do on Christmas Day. I had a few too many pints of Stella if I am honest, which didn't sit well with my constitution, but then that's what generally happens at Christmas.

Boxing Day was filled to the rafters with family, lots and lots of family, just like Christmas used to be. Christmas is of course a time for children and they are what makes this day special. The last time I was surrounded by kids, celebrating like today, would have been when I was a child myself. You see, I have never really had any contact with the younger generation, which has always been a disappointment for me, but I am certainly making up for lost time now.

It felt good to be around everyone this Boxing Day. There were tears, crying, laughter and joy, all rolled into one and that made for an interesting day. Family are far more precious now than ever, especially after the loss of Mum. It is the linchpin that holds the generations together, gives us identity and is responsible for influencing what direction we take in life. It is only fitting that we spend time with those closest during the Christmas period, it is certainly what made Boxing Day memorable for me!

On Sunday along with my Aunt I was invited to my Uncle Paul's house, to celebrate Christmas with my late Mother's family. I haven't celebrated with Mum's family for more years than I care to remember. I felt happy and relaxed to be in the company of relatives, that I only usually see at funerals these days and enjoyed spending time with them all.  Of course this Christmas was very different from those of my childhood, but it was a reminder of a past I had almost forgotten about!

Last night I spent a quiet evening relaxing alone on New Years Eve. I wasn't particularly in the mood for socialising at all. I used to enjoy partying and celebrating the new year, but without Darrell, I wasn't in the best of spirits. I used the time to sit and reflect about the past year, another difficult and challenging twelve months. As we move into 2020, I am reminded of the decade we have left behind and can only hope this year will be the beginning of something better;  Darrell and I have survived many battles in the past and will do so again. Every new year offers hope for the future and a belief that this year will be different; I walk into 2020 with my head held high and a determination to survive whatever life throws my way!

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