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    September — Three Week Break, Piling On The Pounds!

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    September seems to be a busy month around here. There are numerous Birthdays, our anniversary, and the last of the summer sun to enjoy, before winter sets in. It was great to see old friends and new, also, as the last of the pandemic restrictions were finally lifted, life has started to get back to normal; more social interaction and time with family and friends has once again become a feature of everyday life. With Darrell returning home this month as well, life has suddenly got even more vivacious than usual. Despite having three weeks off, I have been busy every day and never seem to find the time to just sit down and chill!
    A Birthday and My Ongoing Battle With Weight!
    On Saturday, we celebrated my Aunty Trisha's Birthday. For the first time in God knows how long, I had a few pints. This isn't something I would usually do if I am honest, especially after past experiences. IBS has prevented me from doing many of the things I would like, including drinking, but I felt it was time to see if my rather delicate constitution could handle it and luckily enough, I have no problems to report. This was a surprise to me, but since my gallbladder removal, my life has slowly been getting back to normal and the pain I experienced in the past is no longer there.

    Since my operation in April, I have sadly started to put on weight again. The digestive conditions I suffered from, have subsided, and I have started to indulge in the things I used to like, including my downfall, cheese. When I weighed myself this morning, I was a horrifying 99.4 kg, this is a huge leap from the 93.5 kilos I was before my operation; it's time to start eating healthy again.

    Despite the discomfort I experienced with gallbladder disease, the pain actually prevented me from eating a lot of things that were bad for my health. High fat food was always a no no, chocolate as well, and too many carbs would also cause problems. You can deduce from this, that my diet was actually far healthier than it is now; all I have to do, is change my eating habits once again.

    Watching 'This Morning' today, there was a segment on weight gain, especially round the midriff. After doing a calculation they suggested, determining your ideal waist size, by dividing your height by two, it was clear I was actually five inches bigger than I should be; I've seriously got to start losing weight!

    My Aunt had a fabulous Birthday, surrounded by a few close friends and family. We all chatted the night away, talking about the old days and listening to music from a bygone era. I haven't had many opportunities to spend time with my Aunt on her Birthday over the years, so it felt good to be a part of her day. Family is precious and even during the darkest times in our life, we should cherish the memories they bring.
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    5 Mile Walk
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    Making arrangements for Darrell's resettlement in the UK and seeking advice from solicitors over his immigration status, has taken priority over the last few weeks. However, we have managed to spend a little time walking and relaxing, in between the mountain of paperwork and collection of documents. Having now employed a solicitor, we look forward to a speedy end to our current predicament. A long, five-mile walk around Portsmouth to the sea front in Southsea, has not only been energising, but it has also taken our minds off pressing matters.

    At the height of the pandemic, I used to walk daily, up to ten miles at a time. As restrictions eased, and I spent more time at work, I became less and less active. Walking five miles, was half what I was used to, but I found it extremely difficult. Nevertheless, the weather was perfect, which made for an enjoyable experience.

    Now Darrell is back, I would like to do more exercise, but I have a feeling I will be working more than ever. Until he is able to work himself, I will have to take on extra shifts. Once employed, I will be able to take a step back somewhat and not work so hard. My hope is, we will both be able to take on a more active lifestyle. I have to keep reminding myself, that I am in the final seven days of a three-week break from work, so have piled on the pounds, more than I usually would. Once I get back into a routine, the weight should hopefully start dropping off again.
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    Drinks With Friends and Colleagues
    It was great to end the week with friends and colleagues from work. Darrell and I have been through so much in recent times, that a few hours with those closest was just what the Doctor ordered. Drinks, food and chatter, was a welcome break from the difficulties of the last fortnight. It was a fantastic evening, thoroughly enjoyable and made a pleasant change, from worrying about things I literally have no control of.

    I am a worrier by nature, which is also why I write. Anything that helps me take my mind off things that may be bothering me, is perfect for helping me to wind down and relax. I have been told by my Doctor many times before, that the IBS symptoms I suffer with daily, is due to my constant worrying. An evening out with friends, even if I am indulging in food and drink that would normally cause havoc with my digestion, is a great healer; that can only be a good thing.

    Since Darrell returned to Britain, life has begun to get back to normal, well as normal as it can at the moment. Having my husband home has done wonders for my psychological wellbeing and has allowed me to see a future, where once there was none. Dining out with friends, together, may seem small to some, but to me, it signifies continuity and that is important for both of us. After such a negative period in our life, we can finally begin the process of restarting where we left off nearly two years ago. This month signals the beginning of a new chapter and a desire to succeed; only time will tell if the 'pandemic years' will have any lasting effect. The hope is, we will forget the last few years, put the dark days behind us and begin to finally live again!
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    Rebuilding Our Life in Britain!

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    The Battle Begins
    Getting back to normal after two years apart can be challenging. When Darrell returned last week, I was under no illusions, as to just how much work was ahead of us. Re-establishing ourselves as a couple, and Darrell as a British resident, isn't going to be an easy task. The two of us have restarted where we left off in November 2019 (God, that really does seem like a lifetime ago now!) It really is a cliché, but it does feel like we have never been apart; I suppose that is the nature of relationships.

    After surviving the initial jet lag, Darrell has spent the last seven days sorting out the legalities behind his arrival in Britain. The terms of his Indefinite Leave to Remain visa states, he must not be outside the UK for longer than two years, something he has never done, always returning to top up his right to remain here. This was the longest period he was away from the Britain, for a total of twenty-two months. Despite this, because so much has changed in recent times, he is finding it difficult to secure employment here. The documentation needed to work include a biometric card, which he has never had, having been granted Indefinite Leave to Remain in 2001, before this technology was available.

    Yesterday, Darrell spoke to a specialist immigration solicitor, after discovering he wasn't able to register for jobs in the UK. The team at the 'Immigration Advice Service' were helpful enough, but our solicitor left us a little overwhelmed by all the paperwork she asked us to get; in our case, over twenty years of documents. It seems Darrell will now have to apply for his biometric card, or British citizenship, whichever is easiest to do. This will ensure he never again has to go through the bureaucratic nightmare, we are currently experiencing. Both of us just want to get on with our life, not have to start from the beginning again, proving every day of the last twenty-six years we have been together.

    To be honest I have had a stressful week, sorting through files, looking for evidence of our relationship to send to the solicitor and speaking with organisations who can help. Everything is getting on top of me, and I am feeling particularly down and fed up. Mine and Darrell's relationship, has never been easy, conventional, or typical, but sometimes, I just want a break and someone to lift me up a little, giving me some hope during the most arduous of times. No one really understands the difficulties we face, every day, we have always stood on our own two feet and never, I repeat NEVER, asked anyone for anything.

    I guess you're maybe detecting a little anger in my words today; if you are, you are right. Both Darrell and I are fed up with these Home Office games, constantly having to jump through hoops in order to survive and never having the opportunity to live in peace, without someone getting on our back for something. The happiness I feel having Darrell home, is tinged with sadness as we once again try to do our best in this unforgiving World.

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    26th Anniversary
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    This week, Darrell and I have been celebrating our 26th anniversary, the first time we have been together on this day for several years. There were no major celebrations after missing our silver anniversary last year; we spent the day with family near The Hard in Southsea and finally had a lovely relaxing evening, the first since he arrived back.

    If I am perfectly honest, I never thought I would be in the position I am today. Darrell has worked legally in The United Kingdom for twenty plus years, yet today because of Brexit legislation and a biometric card requirement, he is finding it almost impossible to gain suitable employment. We discussed his predicament with our Solicitor, who explained the documentation he has, confirming his Indefinite Leave to Remain status in 2001, was enough to work in the UK. She went on to say, that employers are unaware or unwilling to accept perfectly legal paperwork, because of lack of knowledge on this rather difficult subject. That is obviously no consolation for Darrell as he tries to gain employment, but it is a terrible indictment on the lack of information available to employers.

    Both of us will just have to persevere for now, as we decide on our next move. It looks likely we will apply for a biometrics card, but the frustration at having to do this is annoying and ridiculous. This is turning out to be an expensive and unnecessary undertaking at a time when companies are crying out for staff.
    At least we have been distracted by the good weather and the chance to get out and about with family. Our anniversary was an opportunity to spend time with loved ones, stroll along Southsea sea front and have a few beers and a bite to eat at the Spice Island Pub. I actually haven't felt that calm and collected for a while. Despite the difficulties we are once again facing, both of us need to take time out, not only for each other, but also for those around us.

    I have been relatively tense since Darrell arrived back in the UK, because I know just how difficult the next few months will be. Family time is the distraction that will give us both respite from the mountain of paperwork, that is slowly building on the bedroom floor. Once again, I feel like I am stuck in a time warp, continually sorting out documents from twenty years ago. The reality is, this is what we have always had to do, in order to prove the ongoing nature of our relationship.
    A Fond Farewell
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    This week, I also said goodbye to my boss at The Newcome Arms. Ellie was my Manager first, but she was a friend also, and I will miss her terribly. Working a couple of evenings a week in this popular backstreet pub, has done wonders for my confidence and self-esteem. The three years I have pulled pints behind the bar, has given me an insight into 'Pompey' life. Ellie was always a joy to be around, and I know all of us who worked there will always remember her face.

    The last seven days have been a week to remember; I have lost my boss of three years, but have gained my husband back, at least for now. The chimes of change have been ringing for quite some time now, and I am glad Darrell and I are finally at a stage, where we can at least attempt to rebuild our life together; for how long, is anyone's guess. Ellie, moving on to pastures new, has signalled a change in all our directions, and I am looking forward to the challenges ahead. As a friend recently told me, 'You thrive on change, you can see it in your eyes' and I can't disagree!

    I am relishing what happens next, but I am also apprehensive about the future. I hope for a calm ride, but always expect the worst. A positive outlook and hope for the future, should see me through the incoming storm, but until we are sure just what to expect, it's steady as she goes, thoughtful contemplation and plenty, yes plenty, of rest!
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    Finally, Reunited!

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    After nearly two years apart, Darrell and I are finally back together. It has taken many months of planning to get to this stage. Getting on a plane, especially from Australia, isn't the relatively easy undertaking it once was. With the country only allowing a limited number of people in, through a quota system, and even less out, flying from Australia has become a rather daunting task. Thankfully, Darrell was able to secure a place on one of the few flights leaving the country and is now back in the UK.
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    His flight left Perth, Western Australia on the 15th September, flying to Singapore, where he had a stop over of six hours. Like most things these days, his experience was different to normal. On arrival, he was given a green wristband and filtered through to a secure waiting area. Coming from Perth, where there is little to no COVID, he has been lucky enough to avoid the worst of the Coronavirus restrictions in place. On leaving Australia, flying to Singapore, he was fortunate to be on a plane with just twenty-five other people. Flying between Singapore and London was an altogether different experience, however, and to his horror the flight was packed.

    To say Darrell is nervous of COVID-19, would be an understatement; one has to remember, he has lived in a bubble for the last two years. As an onlooker, viewing the unfolding pandemic across the World, he has been subjected to the terrible scenes played out in the UK and was understandably terrified at what he could be walking into. Sitting on a plane full of passengers, was an anxiety inducing experience, he isn't keen on repeating anytime soon.
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    With most airport facilities closed or restricted, flying isn't the enjoyable part of a holiday it used to be. Darrell's brief stopover in Singapore was purely to facilitate his onward journey to London. Having been double jabbed, and tested in Australia at a cost of $150.00 before he left, he was  as safe as he could be. Equally, other passengers should have been similarly protected, so one can only hope, there are no repercussions from the flight, and he will remain COVID free. In order to comply with Government rules, he will have to take a PCR test today, which will show if he has been successful in avoiding COVID on his long thirty-six-hour journey.
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    After a delayed flight from Singapore, Darrell arrived in the UK at 5pm on Thursday and got a coach to The Hard here in Portsmouth; he was home by 10.30pm. To be honest, it was a rather strange experience, being reunited with my husband, during the middle of a pandemic. We have of course hugged, but because of the nature of his journey, we have had to sleep separately for the first few days. If anything, it does make for interesting times.

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    Things have changed in Britain since both of us have lived here together. Darrell's arrival has signified the beginning of a return to normality for us; we have to immediately start rebuilding our life in Britain. 2015 was the last time we had a 'normal' family existence, just before we left for Spain and as we have discovered, much has changed.

    Darrell has had some difficulty sorting out his paperwork, for his right to live and work in the UK. Since he last lived here, a new biometric card has been introduced and in order for him to gain employment, we need to apply for this new document, at a cost of £229.00. It looks likely that we will have to have his old 'Indefinite Leave to Remain' visa transferred to his new passport also. These are just more stumbling blocks to our life in the UK, something we are well-used to, after being together twenty-six years.

    When Darrell was granted his 'Indefinite Leave to Remain' visa in 2001, we understood, this would be the last hurdle we would have to cross. However, things have changed in Britain dramatically, especially since Brexit. We are now faced with yet more challenges, as we navigate this new United Kingdom, which once again leaves us in a precarious position. Darrell's right to live and work here still remains, but the paperwork needed to prove this has also altered, creating comparable obstructions to those we experienced twenty years ago.

    It really does feel like we are having to restart our life together once again, which on the surface is quite unsettling. We do have knowledge and understanding on our side and have been here before, both in Britain and Spain, so we just have to continue to persevere and work towards our goals in a sensible, measured way. The biggest mistake would be for us to panic and do something we regret, a knee-jerk reaction to a 'hopefully' solvable situation. For now, we will survive, as we always have, and will continue to work towards the productive and fulfilling life we both desire. The next few months will once again be hard, demanding, and testing, but as ever, our fortitude and love for one another will see us through, with a little bit of help and support from all of you; Our journey will continue, albeit in circumstances we could never have predicted.
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    A Sense of Pride and Achievement!

    The Group Thoughts And Feelings letters-of-hope
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    I realised another 4 weeks have gone by, and I've not written. Yes, I've been busy as life has been returning to some form of normality, but that's a bit of a lame excuse. There is always a quiet moment in the day. I've sat and looked back at my other entries and when I first started this blog I was in a bad way emotionally. I had so many thoughts and feelings flying around that I found putting fingers to keys or pen to paper was the best way for me to deal with it. Now I'm in a much happier place, I guess I haven't found the need to spill all.

    Last night my Facebook group that I started as a bit of a joke 9 months ago reached 1000 members. This morning, a further 20 people have requested to join. I can honestly say I felt really emotional when it hit that number. It may seem stupid to some that a Facebook group means that much, but to me, it means the world.

    I would never have guessed that writing about my daft and dire dating experiences would have opened my world up like it has. My group, as I've said on here before, really has bought people together. I thought that maybe once lockdown ended and people went back to their busy lives that the group would dwindle, but the opposite has happened. I'm still receiving so many messages from people saying the group has helped them or what a fun thing it is to be a part of. The number of new friendships and even relationships that have formed as a result of perfect strangers chatting online is fantastic. I have been privileged to meet several of my group members and have formed some great friendships with many, and more to meet in the future.

    This feeling of achievement and knowing how it has helped others and not only myself is fantastic, however it is marred with sadness. On Tuesday, I was notified that one of my group members had passed away. Steve had been a very active member of the group, was very witty and entertaining. Although I had never met him in person, we had chatted, and he had recently started to develop a relationship with another of the group members. I knew of his demons in his past, but was still utterly shocked to learn of his passing. Details are unclear around the circumstances, but I was completely humbled when one of his friends contacted me to say they knew Steve had been a member of the group. They just wanted to thank me for the joy it bought him and what it meant to his family to know we saw him as they did. Steve leaves behind 4 young children, and already my amazing group are looking at raising money to give a little help.

    I know I'm a pleaser and fixer by nature, and Wednesday I struggled with the what ifs. What if I'd messaged him to check in as he'd been quiet for a few days, something I've done in the past with him and other members. The reality is I'll never know.

    I've learnt a huge amount over the months since I started writing this and part of what I've learnt is that I cannot please everyone, I cannot fix everyone and I can change none. I can only please, fix or change what I do or feel, my own behaviours and actions. I've learned to remove myself from situations where it is detrimental to my happiness. I'm always being told I'm too nice or care too much, and I never understood how anyone can care too much or be too nice. Now I do!

    I've had group members say the group 'saved' them. Truth be told, it saved me. It has helped me to open my eyes and mind, to accept who I am and who I want to be. It has been the light in my dark and has given me back something I lost. A sense of pride and achievement.

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    9/11 - Reflections, twenty years on!

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    Today, I republished a blog entry detailing my recollection of 9/11, twenty years after that fateful day. Watching this horrendous terrorist attack unfold on television has stayed with me for two decades, and it still shocks me to the core. All of us witnessed death and destruction on a level not seen since the Second World War. Rolling news programmes brought home the horror of what was evolving in America, in a way never seen before. No one will never forget what happened, it has left an indelible mark on all our hearts.

    On the twentieth anniversary, all of us should reflect on a day of infamy, that saw the deaths of 2977 people, from every corner of the globe. The attacks on the World Trade Centre, Pentagon and the downing of flight 93 in Shanksville, Pennsylvania, defined the World we live in today; a generation later, it still remains the biggest terrorist attack in modern history. This was the moment all our lives changed, and our planet became a much darker place; this was the day I finally realised what evil was.

    On that day in 2001, I was carried along on a sea of emotion, unlike anything I have ever experienced. I cried more than I had ever cried before, not for a family member or loved one, but for people I had never met. I shed tears of distress and disbelief at what I was witnessing, as the sheer scale of this atrocity became clear. It seemed that minute by minute, we were all bombarded with intensely terrifying news, exploding into all our homes. I just remember sitting motionless, unable to comprehend the enormity of the situation unfolding across America. The emotions I experienced on 9/11, were for the end of innocence and a natural belief that the World was coming to an end.

    In many ways September 11th 2001 did signal an ending — this tragedy was just the beginning of a change in the way we all live our lives. It was a turning point that ended my fear of death and dying. I had become desensitized to the fragility of life  and almost accepted all future events as part of the course, no matter how dreadful the circumstances. When you witness murder on such a massive scale, even as an onlooker, you do become numb, almost unaware of anything else around you. You have seen the worst people can do, nothing else really compares.

    As we remember those who died twenty years ago, we keep their memories alive. Recalling people no longer with us, is a reminder of what they did during their lifetime, who they loved and the families they left behind. Their deaths detail just how terrifying events can be, an incalculable loss, an aide-mémoire to unimaginable cruelty. No normal, sane person will ever understand why 9/11 occurred, but we all recognise the consequences of this terrorist attack. The dust will never settle, families will never forget; they will always remember the unthinkable, inconceivable wickedness that left us all bereft  — 9/11, the day the World held its breath!
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    Two Weeks Before Normal Service Resumes!

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    It's a little under two weeks until Darrell comes home, and I can finally say I am starting to feel relieved. At the moment, I have many emotions to contend with, from excitement to anger and anything in between; all of them are valid right now. I am of course happy Darrell is coming home, but I am also angry that so much time has been wasted; we have both lost nearly two years together, because of an Australian government, that has refused to let families see one another during this endless pandemic.

    Our situation is very different to most separated family members, during the last eighteen months. Mum is still undergoing cancer treatment and Darrell has had to be with her, on and off, since 2016. The arrangement Darrell and I made, meeting each other twice a year, before COVID, crumbled as soon as Australia closed its borders. We were left in a precarious position, because of circumstances beyond our control, and there was nothing we could do about it.

    Darrell and I have always thrived under the worst of situations, and if I am honest, there have been quite a few of those. Despite the difficulties we have experienced over twenty-six years together, we have always managed to come out on top. I am a follower of fate, and I believe Darrell and I were meant to be. We are husbands first and foremost, but we are more than that — soul mates, best friends and partners who continue to navigate the obstacles thrown our way.

    Living apart from each other during a particularly traumatic period in history, is not something we bargained for, but like most things in our life, it will undoubtably make our relationship stronger. Tough and punishing times, really do test us to our limits, but like most people, we have had to learn to adapt to the surrounding challenges. Living life in the best way I can, has certainly been a mantra I have followed and equally Darrell has built a temporary life for himself in Western Australia. It is true to say our respective lives have diverged, but we have always been working towards the same goals and aspirations, ultimately reunited and picking up from where we left off in November 2019.

    Darrell's arrival on the 16th September will signal the start of a new chapter, but it will also be the birth of another fight for survival. Plans we have discussed for the future are all well and good on paper, but in practice they may not necessarily work. Sometimes I think how different my life could have been, if I had followed a more conventional path, but then remember how lucky I am to have done the things I have. The years I have spent with Darrell certainly haven't been boring, but when it comes to finally settling down, after everything that has transpired, especially in recent times, it is hard deciding where our heart lies.

    I don't want to go over the options available to us again, as I have written much about 'what happens next,' but it is important that we way up all the alternatives. Once again, I am looking at this conundrum from a positive point of view. Most people at my age have their lives mapped out for them. Living in a house, with 2.4 children, paying a mortgage, in a career they don't always like. This isn't something I have ever wanted; if I am honest, I am quite happy to continue travelling the World. This is probably where our life will take us once again, eventually.

    Travelling at the moment is impossible; it looks like we will have to wait, maybe years, before we can continue flying in the same way we did before the pandemic. It is inevitable therefore, that  we will establish ourselves in a way we haven't really done before. Darrell is less keen to travel, so I envisage a time when we stay put, until Coronavirus becomes a thing of the past; like everything, it is dependent on what trajectory the pandemic takes. Talking to my Aunt last night, I said how much I missed foreign shores, the feel of the Mediterranean sun on my face or the vibrancy of Asia on my doorstep. I am also well aware I won't be stepping foot on a plane anytime soon, as much as I would like too. Holidays abroad look like distant memories, journeys just out of reach; making the best of this 'new normal' World is the only plan we have for now.

    It is important we use these two weeks before Darrell arrives to think about where we go from here. Whilst COVID continues to rage across the World, it seems sensible to continue with the status quo, hanker down and continue very much in the same vein we have. This is the first time we will have to think long term, planning for happier days ahead. There will be no more living day to day and making spontaneous decisions without accounting for our actions. This is a time for reflection, contemplation and not making any rash decisions!
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    Thomas's 3rd Birthday
    This week, my Cousin Thomas celebrated his 3rd Birthday. It was a reminder to me of just how many occasions and special events Darrell has missed since he has been living in Australia. Due to work commitments, I could only spend part of the day with family, but by all accounts he had a wonderful day.

    With family now central to my life in Britain, it has become the most important reason to stay. When circumstances allow, I will be my Cousin Eli's Godfather, which is yet another basis to remain firmly in Portsmouth. In previous blogs, I have discussed the cost of property in the South of England, which is likely to be prohibitive in the long term. Staying with my Aunt in the short term is the stop gap we need, in order to save for our future, wherever it is. If we save enough, we should be able to get a small property, but that is dependent on our situation.

    I am reluctant to leave my roots now; I am very happy and settled where I am and although my Aunt is fine with me living here with Darrell, I know we both will need our own place, sooner rather than later. If we do end up buying a home up north, to rent out, we are both OK about renting a small flat in Portsmouth or Southsea. We do not intend to just throw years of savings away on paying a landlord rent, and literally have nothing to show for it. It is a mark of how old I am, that I am even considering buying a retirement flat when time allows. This isn't something either of us really want to do right now; we are not in the twilight of our years yet.

    As we continue to save for an uncertain future, we are aware of the difficulties ahead. It won't be until Darrell returns home, that we will really know where life will take us. Gathering together enough cash to start the process of rebuilding after the pandemic, is a priority that overtakes anything else with desire to achieve. When we have secured our path, we will then resume our journey, travelling to places we can only dream of today.
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